Relaxing beachy honeymoon with no cell and no internet?
July 9, 2015 3:07 PM   Subscribe

Looking for a warm-weather relaxing, luxurious, winter honeymoon getaway destination where NO ONE CAN CONTACT US. No cell, no wifi-- and some of the following: beach, yoga, meditation, fresh healthy food, nature. Any ideas?

My fiance and I are looking for a way to be totally unreachable for 1-2 weeks this winter. One idea is Nicaragua. Another is Hawaii. But not sure these meet the "be unreachable" requirement.

Specific resort/hotel ideas welcome!
posted by airguitar2 to Travel & Transportation (25 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
Just turn off your devices. Don't limit your location options. Most resort hotels will have WiFi, but you can tell anyone that is mad at you for not responding, "Sorry, reception was bad." Honestly though, you need no excuse for disconnecting from work and friends during your honeymoon.
posted by demiurge at 3:16 PM on July 9, 2015 [12 favorites]

It's pretty hard to contact someone on a cruise ship while at sea.
posted by SemiSalt at 3:20 PM on July 9, 2015

Little Corn Island, Nicaragua got about as close to that as I've ever been. Most of the nicer hotels/resorts and a couple of cafes have internet access, but that's it.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 3:21 PM on July 9, 2015

I had to share this story from Randy Pausch, of The Last Lecture...

"When Jai and I went on our honeymoon, we wanted to be left alone. Since my boss demanded a way for people to reach me, I recorded this greeting:
'Hi, this is Randy. I waited until I was 39 to get married, so my wife and I are going away for a month. I hope you don’t have a problem with that, but my boss does. Apparently, I have to be reachable.'
I then gave the names of Jai’s parents and the city where they lived. 'If you call directory assistance, you can get their phone number. And then, if you can convince my in-laws that your emergency merits interrupting their only daughter’s honeymoon, they have our number.'

We didn’t get any calls."

posted by calgirl at 3:22 PM on July 9, 2015 [22 favorites]

Yeah, this is a problem more easily solved by not using the device (and if you go to any foreign country, there's your reason to power it off until you're at the airport to come home), but you can try looking for eco-resorts, as some of them don't even have electricity. I stayed in one in Playa del Carmen many years ago, but it's not there anymore. It looks like the term has been co-opted by other resorts with organic shampoo or whatever, but dig around.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:29 PM on July 9, 2015

Palm Island is a special destination where we emphasize the natural beauty of the island without external distraction, so televisions and telephones are not placed in the guest rooms. However, a television is located in the library along with a computer with internet access and should you need to place an overseas call during your stay, the Front Desk staff will be more than happy to assist you.
posted by adamvasco at 3:31 PM on July 9, 2015

You can also just tell everyone that your'e unreachable even if that's technically not true. If someone just *must* know where you'll be, change the name of the resort you're staying at or change the city where it's located and call it a day.
posted by quince at 3:35 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

I stayed in a vacation rental on the Big Island of HI, south of Captain Cook, last Christmas. We had no cell reception there and the wifi was spotty at best. In fact, it was terrible, except that my always-prepared husband brought his own fancy router to plug into their high speed internet.
posted by town of cats at 3:41 PM on July 9, 2015

I would look at Costa Rica. I would not be surprised if some of the places along the western coast have limited reception, if any.
posted by docpops at 3:48 PM on July 9, 2015

Maybe Coconuts Resort in Western Samoa? It definitely feels like being on the other side of the world there...
posted by unsub at 3:59 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Madagascar. Islands off the coast especially so. Best honeymoon ever.
posted by amber_dale at 4:03 PM on July 9, 2015

How rustic do you want to get? There was a honeymooning couple in my Slickrock Adventures trip to Belize. It wouldn't have been the right honeymoon for me personally (chemical toilets) but they seemed to enjoy it and that was OFF the grid.
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:24 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

I had Verizon 3G coverage all over San Juan, PR, when my wife and I went on our honeymoon. I wonder if Vieques, PR would have spottier coverage.
posted by emelenjr at 5:48 PM on July 9, 2015

These days I think the better answer is just to not bring the phone. We just returned from our honeymoon: at one point we stayed at one point in a village with a population in 2011 of 76 residents--and we had wifi. It was quite decent actually.
posted by quaking fajita at 6:11 PM on July 9, 2015

Caye Caulker, Belize.
posted by hapax_legomenon at 6:11 PM on July 9, 2015

Awesome suggestions. The unplug suggestions make sense, but for reasons I prefer not to go into, it would be helpful to us if there is legitimately no cell reception/internet.
posted by airguitar2 at 6:59 PM on July 9, 2015

We went to Point No Point for our honeymoon. There is no cell or wifi reception in the cabins, except for a weak signal at the reception/restaurant (which came in handy for getting in touch with family after the father-in-law suffered a stroke).

Nearby Sooke has a pretty decent grocery store with fresh fruits and veggies. You can also eat at the resort restaurant, which is luxurious and offers amazing views of the Juan de Fuca strait, with binoculars at all the tables.

Loads of nature in British Columbia, particularly on Vancouver Island. There are trails on the resort that run along a beach. You can also drive out further west to Port Renfrew for hiking along the beach in the provincial park.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 7:16 PM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

Amangiri ancient reef nearby
posted by hortense at 7:35 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Death Valley, CA National Park has big chunks of no cell coverage.
posted by Melismata at 7:41 PM on July 9, 2015

Dependent upon your provider, you may have no coverage at all on the Road to Hana in Maui (we had essentially none from T-Mobile last winter). A lot of the rest of Hawaii is "on the grid." Especially in the beach resort areas.

However, the secluded Travaasa Hana is essentially the only resort on that side of the island (East side of Maui aka the wetter side), and they even will take your cell phone from you if you wish. No TVs, radios or alarm clocks in rooms. Free wifi only in the library area.

The nearby beach, Hamoa Beach, is stunning (Ernest Hemingway reportedly once called it the greatest beach in the world). Also you can opt to hike the Pipiwai Trail, also nearby, a 4 mile roundtrip hike through a bamboo forest that ends in a 400 foot waterfall. They don't call it "Heavenly Hana" for nothing.
posted by kathryn at 8:07 PM on July 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

I love Caye Caulker but I got excellent reception there last month and I think most places to stay have wireless.
posted by Cocodrillo at 9:44 PM on July 9, 2015

I hestitate to mention this because I want it to stay blissfully off the map, but...

Biodiversity at Raja Ampat in Papua, Indonesia. Breath-takingly beautiful, totally off-grid, no cell service, only electricity is off a generator and only at night. I learned to SCUBA there. Seriously one of the best weeks of my life.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 10:11 PM on July 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

Cuba. You can get internet there at the hotels but it's pretty inconvenient and flaky. If you've worried about your willpower, the process of getting the required card and getting the logins to work reliably is a pretty good deterrent.

Plus, this will likely not be the case in Cuba for very long. I highly recommend experiencing socialist Cuba while you still can.

My husband and I went to Veradero and Havana for our honeymoon, left our phones at home and didn't use any devices other than our Kindles. It was wonderful.
posted by Kurichina at 8:00 AM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Cuba was my other thought. The lack of connectivity, yes, but also this Cuba will never exist again (and it's going to happen whether you go spend your money there or not) and this is an extraordinary time to go.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:56 AM on July 10, 2015

Nosara, Costa Rica (aka Playa Guiones) is a great surf/yoga destination that comes about as close as I have ever gotten to being "unreachable" without being miles offshore on a boat.
posted by ElGuapo at 12:34 PM on July 10, 2015

« Older Should I meet a friend and deal (again) with...   |   Help me choose a 4-in-1 apple tree Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.