Last minute advice for a wedding officiant?
July 4, 2015 4:44 PM Subscribe
Looking for last-minute advice on officiating a wedding. It'll be a secular service, for my sister... floating on the Mississippi.
I’m officiating my sister’s wedding on Monday, and I’ve worked out a bit of a script for the ceremony. But I’d love some last-minute advice.
Here’s the schedule.
1) Opening remarks: I’m introducing the ceremony (which will be on a boat on the Mississippi); will mention that everyone there is loved and that the couple sees them not just as people who have been important to them in the past but also people who will play a big role in their future.
Will talk about how the couple met.
I might mention something about the Mississippi. I wrote a whole thing about rivers that ended up really windy and self-indulgent, so I’ve cut that out. Any good quotes (or poetic truths) about the mighty Mississippi?
They’d like me to close with a mention of the recent Supreme Court decision re: gay marriage. I was planning on reading from a section of the final remarks, here.
2) Two readings + a song. I’ll be introducing the readers + the musician.
3) We’ll do the vows; the couple will have them printed out. Then they’ll do the rings, then I’ll pronounce them husband and wife and present them to the crowd.
4) They’ll kiss, then a song will start and I’ll pull out my trumpet for a solo (the couple requested this).
The couple is fine with it being a little goofy although I don’t want to go overboard. They’ll also be reviewing the script beforehand (so they’ll be less nervous during the ceremony). I'll have the script printed out and in a leather book. I'm not the most comfortable public speaker.
So, I’d love some suggestions on nice observations to make; tips about how to officiate properly, etc. One section I'm not great on is the homily -- i.e. a discussion about what marriage is. I may just let the Supreme Court remarks take center stage.
Also, would also love suggestions for a toast (something like “To K and R!”) and for the speech I’ll give at the dinner.
BTW I’m fully legal as a minister — registered with the county earlier this week and have all appropriate documentation.
Thanks hivemind.
I’m officiating my sister’s wedding on Monday, and I’ve worked out a bit of a script for the ceremony. But I’d love some last-minute advice.
Here’s the schedule.
1) Opening remarks: I’m introducing the ceremony (which will be on a boat on the Mississippi); will mention that everyone there is loved and that the couple sees them not just as people who have been important to them in the past but also people who will play a big role in their future.
Will talk about how the couple met.
I might mention something about the Mississippi. I wrote a whole thing about rivers that ended up really windy and self-indulgent, so I’ve cut that out. Any good quotes (or poetic truths) about the mighty Mississippi?
They’d like me to close with a mention of the recent Supreme Court decision re: gay marriage. I was planning on reading from a section of the final remarks, here.
2) Two readings + a song. I’ll be introducing the readers + the musician.
3) We’ll do the vows; the couple will have them printed out. Then they’ll do the rings, then I’ll pronounce them husband and wife and present them to the crowd.
4) They’ll kiss, then a song will start and I’ll pull out my trumpet for a solo (the couple requested this).
The couple is fine with it being a little goofy although I don’t want to go overboard. They’ll also be reviewing the script beforehand (so they’ll be less nervous during the ceremony). I'll have the script printed out and in a leather book. I'm not the most comfortable public speaker.
So, I’d love some suggestions on nice observations to make; tips about how to officiate properly, etc. One section I'm not great on is the homily -- i.e. a discussion about what marriage is. I may just let the Supreme Court remarks take center stage.
Also, would also love suggestions for a toast (something like “To K and R!”) and for the speech I’ll give at the dinner.
BTW I’m fully legal as a minister — registered with the county earlier this week and have all appropriate documentation.
Thanks hivemind.
Best answer: Sounds good. A few minor comments, but really this sounds just fine.
Generally unless there is a planner, the officiant is making sure things start more or less on time. They basically never do but usually they are not too late. I always talk to the audience when the couple is fidgeting and getting ready before the music starts reminding people to turn off their ringers which a lot of people always forget. I make a show of turning MINE off. Simple but it's a nice way to get people settling down and getting their fidgets out.
I think something short about the river would be fine, really. There is an aspect of self-indulgence to performing ceremonies particularly if what you are saying is relevant to the couple and their life together. I also mention people who couldn't be there, ask the couple if there are people who have died or couldn't make it who they'd like in the ceremony, likewise pets if there are any that are really special.
Also vows: are they carrying them or are you. Most wedding dresses do not have pockets. Figure out who will have them.
Might I recommend you close with this right before you pronounce them
Seconding this. Do you want to close the entire ceremony (i.e. after the readings/song) with the Supreme Court stuff? Because to me it could go either place, a really strong wrap-up would be where I would put the stuff you want to have impact/be remembered. Will there be a receiving line afterwards? Some people do this and some do not. If not, I usually do an announcement once the couple has walked out "Please join us for XYZ in the ABC...."
I also print my notes in BIG type and block it off into big chunky sections and cut sheets into half-sheets to put into my book. Easier to read, easier to keep your place. Concur with miasma, everyone wants this to be great and your main job is to be there for the couple and be like "You can do the thing, let's do the thing" and keeping people calm and focused. And yeah slower than you think is necessary. Keep in mind the couple is (often) stressed and being pulled in a zillion directions at once, this is their spot to be together, with you, and be doing one thing and one thing only. It's a kindness to be able to create and maintain that space for them
I'm an elected Justice of the Peace and have done eight ceremonies and it's just so wonderful. You can read the different ceremonies that I've done here. The last one was MeFites!
posted by jessamyn at 7:14 PM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Generally unless there is a planner, the officiant is making sure things start more or less on time. They basically never do but usually they are not too late. I always talk to the audience when the couple is fidgeting and getting ready before the music starts reminding people to turn off their ringers which a lot of people always forget. I make a show of turning MINE off. Simple but it's a nice way to get people settling down and getting their fidgets out.
I think something short about the river would be fine, really. There is an aspect of self-indulgence to performing ceremonies particularly if what you are saying is relevant to the couple and their life together. I also mention people who couldn't be there, ask the couple if there are people who have died or couldn't make it who they'd like in the ceremony, likewise pets if there are any that are really special.
Also vows: are they carrying them or are you. Most wedding dresses do not have pockets. Figure out who will have them.
Might I recommend you close with this right before you pronounce them
Seconding this. Do you want to close the entire ceremony (i.e. after the readings/song) with the Supreme Court stuff? Because to me it could go either place, a really strong wrap-up would be where I would put the stuff you want to have impact/be remembered. Will there be a receiving line afterwards? Some people do this and some do not. If not, I usually do an announcement once the couple has walked out "Please join us for XYZ in the ABC...."
I also print my notes in BIG type and block it off into big chunky sections and cut sheets into half-sheets to put into my book. Easier to read, easier to keep your place. Concur with miasma, everyone wants this to be great and your main job is to be there for the couple and be like "You can do the thing, let's do the thing" and keeping people calm and focused. And yeah slower than you think is necessary. Keep in mind the couple is (often) stressed and being pulled in a zillion directions at once, this is their spot to be together, with you, and be doing one thing and one thing only. It's a kindness to be able to create and maintain that space for them
I'm an elected Justice of the Peace and have done eight ceremonies and it's just so wonderful. You can read the different ceremonies that I've done here. The last one was MeFites!
posted by jessamyn at 7:14 PM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Don't just read everything in your head; read it out loud, several (hundred) times. You want to get to a point where it's either memorized or very close to memorized so if your nerves get the best of you, you won't be fumbling around trying to find your place.
posted by cooker girl at 7:16 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by cooker girl at 7:16 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Minor tip, but one I've have multiple officiant-friends thank me for: When the couple kisses, take a step to the side. This will enable the photographer to take a picture of them kissing without you weirdly peering between their faces like a creepy meerkat.
posted by bonheur at 3:59 PM on July 5, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by bonheur at 3:59 PM on July 5, 2015 [5 favorites]
« Older What do I use to glue plastic that's safe for the... | Are muggings and home invasions really that rare... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
I wouldn't agonize over it being perfect -- most people won't even remember the intricacies of the ceremony. In general, as long as its not super long, everyone will be totally cool with it.
Remember, everyone there is on your side. Everyone is there rooting you on (well, really the happy couple), but it's nice to think that everyone is a part of the happy occasion and you're a part of it too.
Goofy is good, but personal is better. Don't worry about things being funny or anything, but making it unique to the couple with comments that many will get (and a few only the couple will get) is perfect.
The Supreme Court decision quote sounds perfect with recent events. Might I recommend you close with this right before you pronounce them, "It is so ordered...." is a perfect ending segue to your saying "And with that, it, too, is so ordered, K, R, by the power vested in me...."
With regards to public speaking:
1) Remember, everyone is on your side!
2) Take some deep breaths before things begin
3) Eyes are on the couple, not on you, so no need to fret.
4) Practice, Practice, Practice. The better you know the material, the more comfortable you'll be, and the more natural you'll flow
5) It'll feel fast when you're up there. Go slow. If you think you're going slow, go slower. Take pauses between sentences (count to 2).
6) Have fun, and congrats!
(I'm an ordained minister myself, and have performed 4 weddings thus far -- I love it!)
posted by miasma at 5:17 PM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]