My mom is getting new boobs. How can I help her recover?
June 24, 2015 12:27 PM Subscribe
My 50-something year old mother is getting breast augmentation soon. She's asked me to stay with her for a day or two to help her recover. Any tips/suggestions?
She's having surgery on Wednesday, so I'll be at her home on Wed night, all day Thursday and all day Friday until my father can come home. I'm not sure what to expect in regards to pain level and what I could do to help her relax and recover without making her feel like I'm company and she needs to entertain me.
Any tips from anyone who's been through this particular surgery on how I can help her efficiently? I'm just not sure what to expect.
I'll already be cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
She's having surgery on Wednesday, so I'll be at her home on Wed night, all day Thursday and all day Friday until my father can come home. I'm not sure what to expect in regards to pain level and what I could do to help her relax and recover without making her feel like I'm company and she needs to entertain me.
Any tips from anyone who's been through this particular surgery on how I can help her efficiently? I'm just not sure what to expect.
I'll already be cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
When it was my mother in this situation, I provided her with unlimited Diet Coke (her drink of choice), a laptop, telephone, and trashy magazines. I got her soup and other post surgery foods, but she really wasn't hungry.
This was before tablets and smartphones, so I would make sure that you have an available power strip for chargers.
I recommend you not look horrified at seeing your mom post-surgery (I am easily freaked out), and be around when she wants to talk and scram when she doesn't.
posted by Sheppagus at 12:57 PM on June 24, 2015
This was before tablets and smartphones, so I would make sure that you have an available power strip for chargers.
I recommend you not look horrified at seeing your mom post-surgery (I am easily freaked out), and be around when she wants to talk and scram when she doesn't.
posted by Sheppagus at 12:57 PM on June 24, 2015
My mom had a breast reduction about 10 years. Not the exact same surgery, of course, but I imagine many of the post-op issues are similar.
One big thing is to think about the trip home from the hospital. At the time of my mom's surgery we lived down a looooong dirt road in the country and apparently the ride home was bouncy and excruciating, no matter how slowly my dad drove. So think about if your drive home might be bumpy (for example from road construction if she lives in an urban area) and plan to either adjust your route and/or give her a pillow to hug to ease the pain.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:14 PM on June 24, 2015
One big thing is to think about the trip home from the hospital. At the time of my mom's surgery we lived down a looooong dirt road in the country and apparently the ride home was bouncy and excruciating, no matter how slowly my dad drove. So think about if your drive home might be bumpy (for example from road construction if she lives in an urban area) and plan to either adjust your route and/or give her a pillow to hug to ease the pain.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:14 PM on June 24, 2015
My mother recently had a breast reduction and I took care of her for a while. I have to second everything janey said.
Doing a quick search on the net it looks like drain tubes are a lot less common with augmentation than with reduction so this advice might not apply, but if your mom does have them, I would advise you to make sure you have plenty of dressing pads and medical tape beforehand. Go with cloth tape, I hated paper tape by the time my mom's recovery was over.
My mom also experienced constipation with her pain pills and we probably should have had some stool softeners to begin with.
Does your mom have cats? My mom has a bunch and on like her third day of recovery one of the cats jumped out of one of the bedroom windows onto her bed and landed right on her chest - ouch. If she has animals I'd try to keep them under control.
Food-wise stuff that she can dig into without having to saw through it are good - soups, baked potatoes, etc.
posted by ajax287 at 5:56 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Doing a quick search on the net it looks like drain tubes are a lot less common with augmentation than with reduction so this advice might not apply, but if your mom does have them, I would advise you to make sure you have plenty of dressing pads and medical tape beforehand. Go with cloth tape, I hated paper tape by the time my mom's recovery was over.
My mom also experienced constipation with her pain pills and we probably should have had some stool softeners to begin with.
Does your mom have cats? My mom has a bunch and on like her third day of recovery one of the cats jumped out of one of the bedroom windows onto her bed and landed right on her chest - ouch. If she has animals I'd try to keep them under control.
Food-wise stuff that she can dig into without having to saw through it are good - soups, baked potatoes, etc.
posted by ajax287 at 5:56 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
LAXATIVES OH MY GOD LAXATIVES. Laxatives and stool softeners and all the metamucil. I was sealed up like fucking fort knox for almost a week and it was THE FUCKING WORST.
Her ability to do things for herself will depend on where the incisions are. If they're in the underboob fold then sitting up to get out of bed will be somewhat of a hassle, depending on how strong her arms are. It's great to sleep in more of a reclining position rather than laying flat as this will help her get out of bed easier.
If the incisions are in her underarms everything will be exponentially worse, unfortunately. I would caution against that, actually, as the scarring is very noticeable and very annoying even 15 years later IME.
The first day or two she will probably just want to sleep and drink a lot of fluids. If she happens to have an energetic reaction to the painkillers, do your best to keep her from overdoing it, because it will make the rest of the week more painful. I got a couple of oxys in me and decided to clean the entire house and the next day I definitely paid for it.
She's not going to be able to shower for at least a few days, if not a week, so make sure there are baby wipes in the house. I also liked to fold a towel over the side of my bra strap and just wash my underarms in the sink with a washcloth to feel less sticky and awful.
If there's a hair salon nearby she can go for just a wash and a blowout, if she's feeling up to it. It's pretty hard to find a comfortable position to wash your hair in at home otherwise, even if someone is helping you.
Get a couple of front-closure surgical bras. I got 2 of these from Amazon (one in M and one in L) so I could swap out when they got sweaty. They're super comfortable for sleeping while remaining supportive.
She may not really be interested in food for the first few days or even the first whole week, so by about day 3 if she's not on regular meals you should really encourage her to do so. I kept a ton of plain chicken broth in the fridge to heat up a mug every few hours just to have something in my stomach, plus protein shakes 1x a day and mostly breakfast foods because they're the easiest to deal with.
Also you'll want to have plenty of clean gauze or even just cheap fat maxi pads in the house to put between the incision and the bottom of the bra strap, if the incisions are underboob.
posted by poffin boffin at 6:05 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Her ability to do things for herself will depend on where the incisions are. If they're in the underboob fold then sitting up to get out of bed will be somewhat of a hassle, depending on how strong her arms are. It's great to sleep in more of a reclining position rather than laying flat as this will help her get out of bed easier.
If the incisions are in her underarms everything will be exponentially worse, unfortunately. I would caution against that, actually, as the scarring is very noticeable and very annoying even 15 years later IME.
The first day or two she will probably just want to sleep and drink a lot of fluids. If she happens to have an energetic reaction to the painkillers, do your best to keep her from overdoing it, because it will make the rest of the week more painful. I got a couple of oxys in me and decided to clean the entire house and the next day I definitely paid for it.
She's not going to be able to shower for at least a few days, if not a week, so make sure there are baby wipes in the house. I also liked to fold a towel over the side of my bra strap and just wash my underarms in the sink with a washcloth to feel less sticky and awful.
If there's a hair salon nearby she can go for just a wash and a blowout, if she's feeling up to it. It's pretty hard to find a comfortable position to wash your hair in at home otherwise, even if someone is helping you.
Get a couple of front-closure surgical bras. I got 2 of these from Amazon (one in M and one in L) so I could swap out when they got sweaty. They're super comfortable for sleeping while remaining supportive.
She may not really be interested in food for the first few days or even the first whole week, so by about day 3 if she's not on regular meals you should really encourage her to do so. I kept a ton of plain chicken broth in the fridge to heat up a mug every few hours just to have something in my stomach, plus protein shakes 1x a day and mostly breakfast foods because they're the easiest to deal with.
Also you'll want to have plenty of clean gauze or even just cheap fat maxi pads in the house to put between the incision and the bottom of the bra strap, if the incisions are underboob.
posted by poffin boffin at 6:05 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Help her out with things that involve lifting anything heavier than a tin of tomatoes. Do the washing. Do the shopping. Drive her to follow-up appointments. Help her into a bath if she has a bathtub - it won't be a full bath with chest immersion, but I remember after my surgery (reduction rather than implants but same bits) how desperately I longed to feel clean. Washing half of you properly is still better than not washing anything. Ditto suggestions about helping her wash her hair or go to the hairdresser's.
Make sure you can set her up so she has what she needs - maybe in front of the TV with a good movie - and go off for a bit to let her have some time to herself if she needs it. Don't go far, so you can get back if she needs you, but sometimes just being able to let the brave/stoic face go and just feel icky and seedy is nice. If she wants company, lay in a good supply of DVDs/Netflix list you would both like to watch. I found jigsaw puzzles really absorbing too.
If she's up to it, encourage her to do short walks. Keeping things moving is good. She'll probably have some nasty support socks to help her not get DVT and walking also helps, even if it's just a slow shuffle around the block.
Looks like you are in Florida - if your mum is too, be aware that warmth and humidity are lovely breeding grounds for infection. After my surgery there was an unseasonably warm spell and I developed an infection. It was quickly knocked on the head with antibiotics, but just be aware it's more likely and try to keep bandages clean and dry, though changing too often isn't great either.
posted by Athanassiel at 7:10 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Make sure you can set her up so she has what she needs - maybe in front of the TV with a good movie - and go off for a bit to let her have some time to herself if she needs it. Don't go far, so you can get back if she needs you, but sometimes just being able to let the brave/stoic face go and just feel icky and seedy is nice. If she wants company, lay in a good supply of DVDs/Netflix list you would both like to watch. I found jigsaw puzzles really absorbing too.
If she's up to it, encourage her to do short walks. Keeping things moving is good. She'll probably have some nasty support socks to help her not get DVT and walking also helps, even if it's just a slow shuffle around the block.
Looks like you are in Florida - if your mum is too, be aware that warmth and humidity are lovely breeding grounds for infection. After my surgery there was an unseasonably warm spell and I developed an infection. It was quickly knocked on the head with antibiotics, but just be aware it's more likely and try to keep bandages clean and dry, though changing too often isn't great either.
posted by Athanassiel at 7:10 PM on June 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
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She may or may not have drains. If she does, everything is tricky -- bathing, dressing, moving around in general, including emptying the drains. I pinned my drains to a big shirt, but I've known women who attached big safety pins to them and then hung them on a string that they had around their necks, like a long necklace. That seems like a reasonable idea and I'll be trying that in August.
Encourage her to move slowly and to let you help her bathe. It's easiest to not take showers/baths at first, so it might be nice for her if you could help her wash her hair.
Watch for the usual things, like infection. If she runs a high fever or if there are streaks of red coming off the incision site, make sure the doctor knows. Also, encourage her to take a stool softener with each pain pill that she takes. There is no such thing in modern medicine as effective pain meds that do not cause constipation.
If she does take pain meds, encourage her to write down the time that she takes any pills. It's hard enough to remember when you have taken an aspirin, but anything stronger and you are completely unable to keep track of time.
If she starts to act like you're company, tell her that she got to take care of you for a couple of decades and now you want your turn for a couple of days and that the best thing she could do for you would be to just kick back and do whatever she feels like.
This is a very emotional surgery and all surgery, anesthesia, and pain medication can create their own emotions. She's probably all prepared for all of the eventualities, but just to let you know, buyer's remorse is common and usually will pass, revision is extremely common so if there's something she doesn't like about her result, it can be fixed, and if she's getting her implants under the muscle, every damn thing she does, from opening a door to picking up a book, will make her feel like there is a live animal in her chest. My implants were supposed to be done over the muscle, but the doctor screwed up and I had them under the muscle for several months before he realized his mistake when I was complaining about the aesthetic result and the sensations, so I've experience the sub-muscular world and I don't know how people put up with it, but it's the most common way of doing implants. If they are sub-muscular, she can expect them to ride high at first, so if she doesn't like her outcome, it's likely to change on its own.
Hope this helps. I'm trying to think of anything I would have liked, but I think the fact that you'll be doing the household stuff is huge and wonderful and on behalf of her, I thank you! When I have my surgery in August, I'm going to have a cat sitter come by to feed the cats & clean their litter box, because that's the thing I think I'm least likely to be able to do myself.
posted by janey47 at 12:44 PM on June 24, 2015 [5 favorites]