Worst nightmare most cherished dream - new job in time of crisis
June 23, 2015 2:30 PM Subscribe
Dear AskMe, I have had a family tragedy and a new job offer. Almost simultaneously. I was told on Sunday that both my parents are seriously ill. I told my current employer that I would be taking leave to care for them for at least a week, maybe a month, effective immediately. And on Tuesday I received a job offer. My question is: how do I break the news to current employer that I will, be resigning and taking four weeks leave? Basically, that I will not be back?
Background: the notice period in my contract is four weeks. I have enough leave to take this with pay. If somehow that turns out not to be true, I can afford to take my leave without pay.
I am miserable in my current job and have been looking for something to apply for, for over six months. This is the first thing I have found, and I've been offered the job, along with a pay increase, and more importantly the chance to transition to a sector I am passionate about. Both jobs are equal in terms of benefits.
My parents' situation is dire. There is a long dramatic saga of denial about health issues followed by a sudden health crisis for each of them separately. One of them has severely impaired mobility, but all their faculties (and then some) and needs intensive in-home support, transitioning to nursing care as a place becomes available. The other is physically well but has dementia which has suddenly worsened to acute delirium, and needs nursing home care, stat. I am an only child. I live interstate. Moving to be with them is not an option under any circumstances. They have been abusive and violent for the bulk of my life and distance is necessary for my continued wellbeing. That said I do love them and want them to be safe and well cared for. No one else is going to make that happen. It's on me.
I know this is going to take longer than four weeks, but in that time I can at least get things like power of attorney in place, and home care, get names in waiting lists, get the house safe, and organise other relatives to visit. From there my husband may be able to come up and I can come on weekends. It's not ideal but it's what I've got.
My feeling is current job will be furious but they won't actually suffer any damage (there's someone who can step into my shoes, to everyone's benefit). They will definitely be unimpressed if I stay and spend hours at work dealing with the parental crisis. With new job, I can set a clear boundary for relatives about when I'm available i.e. weekends and by phone or email. I won't be spending hours dealing - because I can't. Full stop. Line drawn.
Also: I'm in Australia, employment is unionized and conditions are excellent in both jobs. The job is a senior professional role. Think Chief of Staff to a CEO. (But it's not that.)
How do I break the news?
(Also, sorry, anon, I can't set up a throwaway email on my phone. I can contact a mod though. )
Background: the notice period in my contract is four weeks. I have enough leave to take this with pay. If somehow that turns out not to be true, I can afford to take my leave without pay.
I am miserable in my current job and have been looking for something to apply for, for over six months. This is the first thing I have found, and I've been offered the job, along with a pay increase, and more importantly the chance to transition to a sector I am passionate about. Both jobs are equal in terms of benefits.
My parents' situation is dire. There is a long dramatic saga of denial about health issues followed by a sudden health crisis for each of them separately. One of them has severely impaired mobility, but all their faculties (and then some) and needs intensive in-home support, transitioning to nursing care as a place becomes available. The other is physically well but has dementia which has suddenly worsened to acute delirium, and needs nursing home care, stat. I am an only child. I live interstate. Moving to be with them is not an option under any circumstances. They have been abusive and violent for the bulk of my life and distance is necessary for my continued wellbeing. That said I do love them and want them to be safe and well cared for. No one else is going to make that happen. It's on me.
I know this is going to take longer than four weeks, but in that time I can at least get things like power of attorney in place, and home care, get names in waiting lists, get the house safe, and organise other relatives to visit. From there my husband may be able to come up and I can come on weekends. It's not ideal but it's what I've got.
My feeling is current job will be furious but they won't actually suffer any damage (there's someone who can step into my shoes, to everyone's benefit). They will definitely be unimpressed if I stay and spend hours at work dealing with the parental crisis. With new job, I can set a clear boundary for relatives about when I'm available i.e. weekends and by phone or email. I won't be spending hours dealing - because I can't. Full stop. Line drawn.
Also: I'm in Australia, employment is unionized and conditions are excellent in both jobs. The job is a senior professional role. Think Chief of Staff to a CEO. (But it's not that.)
How do I break the news?
(Also, sorry, anon, I can't set up a throwaway email on my phone. I can contact a mod though. )
This is a tough one, complicated by the notice requirements in your contract. What happens if you don't give 4 weeks notice?
If you were in the US, I would recommend accepting the other job with a 2-month lead time, giving immediate notice to the current job, and living on your cashed-out vacation pay while caring for your parents. Is there something like that you can do?
As it is, I think maybe the solution is: accept other job with a start date in September. Give notice to current job now. Take 2 weeks leave right now, promise to come back for the final 2 weeks to close out and hand off as much as you can.
That shows you're a team player.
posted by suelac at 2:52 PM on June 23, 2015
If you were in the US, I would recommend accepting the other job with a 2-month lead time, giving immediate notice to the current job, and living on your cashed-out vacation pay while caring for your parents. Is there something like that you can do?
As it is, I think maybe the solution is: accept other job with a start date in September. Give notice to current job now. Take 2 weeks leave right now, promise to come back for the final 2 weeks to close out and hand off as much as you can.
That shows you're a team player.
posted by suelac at 2:52 PM on June 23, 2015
Just give notice. Let them assume you are leaving permanently to care for your parents.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:53 PM on June 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Lyn Never at 2:53 PM on June 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
They will be unhappy but there is nothing legally they can do. You can resign effective in four weeks and tell them you're taking leave for the remaining period. It will be an unpleasant call but you can explain the circumstances. It might soften the blow if you can spend even just 1 day doing handover to another staff member.
posted by dave99 at 3:03 PM on June 23, 2015
posted by dave99 at 3:03 PM on June 23, 2015
Honestly, I would give notice and tell them, oh yeah, I'm also going out on leave to care for my parents who need my help immediately. I'm not sure what you have to gain by worrying about the feelings of the people you work with/for in a miserable job environment. Business is business. They would fire you in a minute if they found someone they wanted to replace you with or if you otherwise became redundant, and they wouldn't worry about your feelings.
Just do it. Save your concern for your parents and yourself.
posted by janey47 at 3:10 PM on June 23, 2015 [4 favorites]
Just do it. Save your concern for your parents and yourself.
posted by janey47 at 3:10 PM on June 23, 2015 [4 favorites]
Simply put: you've got to do what you've got to do. You say that your current job won't be happy if you tell them you're taking leave / quitting - but also there's someone who can step in and they shouldn't suffer any harm? That is not a bad thing. Just do it. Yeah, I'm sure you'd like to make everyone happy - but sometimes it doesn't work like that. You've got a clear duty to yourself and your immediate family, then your parents, and then your job. If the people at your job can't understand this, too bad.
Also: I think any notion of returning to your old job to help "close out" after you've left are well-intentioned but unrealistic. Just: Quit. Figure out how much time you need to deal with your parents. Schedule a start date for your new job. And do what you need to do.
Good luck with this.
posted by doctor tough love at 4:48 PM on June 23, 2015
Also: I think any notion of returning to your old job to help "close out" after you've left are well-intentioned but unrealistic. Just: Quit. Figure out how much time you need to deal with your parents. Schedule a start date for your new job. And do what you need to do.
Good luck with this.
posted by doctor tough love at 4:48 PM on June 23, 2015
I have learned the hard way that paid leave may not necessarily be received if you give notice. You need to check with HR first and present the resignation as a hypothetical situation if your parents' situation cannot be handled in four weeks.
"I need to take my four weeks paid leave. What will happen if I need more time than that? What will happen if I need to resign to deal with this? What if I need to resign and can't return to the office at all?"
Do not say anything about the new job. Afterward, summarize your conversation in email form to the person you spoke to and request acknowledgement that the facts are as you understand them. Resign two weeks in to your leave after setting a start date with your new employer six weeks in the future.
posted by raisingsand at 5:07 PM on June 23, 2015 [11 favorites]
"I need to take my four weeks paid leave. What will happen if I need more time than that? What will happen if I need to resign to deal with this? What if I need to resign and can't return to the office at all?"
Do not say anything about the new job. Afterward, summarize your conversation in email form to the person you spoke to and request acknowledgement that the facts are as you understand them. Resign two weeks in to your leave after setting a start date with your new employer six weeks in the future.
posted by raisingsand at 5:07 PM on June 23, 2015 [11 favorites]
Dear Employer, this letter serves as my notice of resignation from my position as Job Title. I have accepted a position elsewhere. I will be on leave, taking care of my seriously ill parents, for the entire period of Date to Date. Attached are letters from my parents' physicians, sttaing the need for my assistance. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Optional: If I can assist in any way, please let me know.
I assume you are leaving your job with work up to date, processes documented, etc. Do get the letters from doctors if you can. They may not believe you, and it's nice to show that employees are honest. Or at least offer to provide letters.
posted by theora55 at 11:52 AM on June 24, 2015
I assume you are leaving your job with work up to date, processes documented, etc. Do get the letters from doctors if you can. They may not believe you, and it's nice to show that employees are honest. Or at least offer to provide letters.
posted by theora55 at 11:52 AM on June 24, 2015
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Obviously, this would be more awkward in a small-town or a closely-knit field, as people talk and your ruse will eventually be revealed.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:49 PM on June 23, 2015 [6 favorites]