How to get toddler to talk more? I know, be careful what you wish for..
May 25, 2015 9:01 PM Subscribe
My 20 month old son hardly speaks, but he understands everything. Help me encourage him to use his voice.
My 20 month old son only says about five words (mama, dada, nana (grandma), his own name (occasionally, anyway), and apple). He understands absolutely everything we say and can follow relatively complex directions, so I am not concerned about his hearing/comprehension. Autism is not a concern; he does not have any other indicators whatsoever. He just shows almost no interest in speaking, and I am at a loss as to how to encourage him to talk.
He enjoys his alphabet puzzle, and will say most letter sounds when prompted (aah, buh, duh) but not the actual letter ("A", "B", etc.) except for M and N, which he pronounces clearly. If I try to get him to put sounds together into small words he immediately stops and runs off to do something else. He similarly enjoys his flash cards, and will repeat letter sounds but doesn't want to say the word on the card ("Buh! Buh!" over and over happily, but refuses to attempt to try to say "balloon").
Some sounds he makes are kind of whispers instead of speech. He whispers "dada" instead of saying it in a normal voice like he does "mama" or "nana". He does this a lot with new sounds and seems very timid about using his voice, but maybe I'm projecting. This makes me worry that he has some sort of speech issue where he may need therapy to help him learn to pronounce things properly, but I'm not an expert.
He absolutely loves to be read to, but he only "speaks" during reading time to interrupt with whatever animal noise corresponds to the creature on the page. He LOVES doing animal noises. If I ask him about pictures on the page he refuses to say anything.
He does lots of whining and pointing, and grabbing my hand and dragging me around the house to show me what he wants to eat/drink/do, so he has obviously figured out how to get by without talking. I try very hard to try to make him express himself verbally, but he gets so frustrated and upset that my pleas to "Just try to say water. Wa! Wa! Wa-ter!" etc. never amounts to anything other than screams. Sometimes it takes me a really long time for me to figure out what he wants (or I never do) and rather than ever trying to say anything he just becomes completely hysterical.
I'm at a loss. I work from home, so I'm with him all day every day. I do the puzzles and flash cards with him every day multiple times, and sing many songs and read lots of books. Today he finally put "ah" and "pul" together to say apple, and he seemed very pleased about it, so that felt like great progress. But, I still feel discouraged since my friends' kids who are several months younger already have much larger vocabularies. I know comparing children is pointless, but I feel like I'm completely failing him at language development since I'm his primary caregiver and he's floundering in this area. My husband spends a ridiculous number of hours a week reading and playing and talking with him, too, so I know rationally this isn't my "fault".. but still.
I'm also really stressed because I'm pregnant and I feel like I'm doing him a giant disservice by bringing in a new baby when I haven't even managed to get him talking yet. I'm scared that between the newborn and my work I'll have less time to dedicate to him once he is 2, so I really want to spend the next few months doing as much for him as I possibly can while it's still just the two of us during the day.
My questions:
1. What toys, games, products, activities, songs, videos, etc. helped encourage your child to speak? Especially if your child was similarly reluctant to speak - did anything help to break them out of their shell? I'd be willing to buy pretty much anything within reason.
2. Should I pursue speech therapy at this point, or wait until he is 2? My pediatrician wasn't concerned at his 18 month appointment and was inclined to wait and see what happens by his next appointment, but this is bothering me a lot, and we don't go back to the ped for another 4 months.
3. Anything else you suggest or any thoughts you have would be really appreciated.
My 20 month old son only says about five words (mama, dada, nana (grandma), his own name (occasionally, anyway), and apple). He understands absolutely everything we say and can follow relatively complex directions, so I am not concerned about his hearing/comprehension. Autism is not a concern; he does not have any other indicators whatsoever. He just shows almost no interest in speaking, and I am at a loss as to how to encourage him to talk.
He enjoys his alphabet puzzle, and will say most letter sounds when prompted (aah, buh, duh) but not the actual letter ("A", "B", etc.) except for M and N, which he pronounces clearly. If I try to get him to put sounds together into small words he immediately stops and runs off to do something else. He similarly enjoys his flash cards, and will repeat letter sounds but doesn't want to say the word on the card ("Buh! Buh!" over and over happily, but refuses to attempt to try to say "balloon").
Some sounds he makes are kind of whispers instead of speech. He whispers "dada" instead of saying it in a normal voice like he does "mama" or "nana". He does this a lot with new sounds and seems very timid about using his voice, but maybe I'm projecting. This makes me worry that he has some sort of speech issue where he may need therapy to help him learn to pronounce things properly, but I'm not an expert.
He absolutely loves to be read to, but he only "speaks" during reading time to interrupt with whatever animal noise corresponds to the creature on the page. He LOVES doing animal noises. If I ask him about pictures on the page he refuses to say anything.
He does lots of whining and pointing, and grabbing my hand and dragging me around the house to show me what he wants to eat/drink/do, so he has obviously figured out how to get by without talking. I try very hard to try to make him express himself verbally, but he gets so frustrated and upset that my pleas to "Just try to say water. Wa! Wa! Wa-ter!" etc. never amounts to anything other than screams. Sometimes it takes me a really long time for me to figure out what he wants (or I never do) and rather than ever trying to say anything he just becomes completely hysterical.
I'm at a loss. I work from home, so I'm with him all day every day. I do the puzzles and flash cards with him every day multiple times, and sing many songs and read lots of books. Today he finally put "ah" and "pul" together to say apple, and he seemed very pleased about it, so that felt like great progress. But, I still feel discouraged since my friends' kids who are several months younger already have much larger vocabularies. I know comparing children is pointless, but I feel like I'm completely failing him at language development since I'm his primary caregiver and he's floundering in this area. My husband spends a ridiculous number of hours a week reading and playing and talking with him, too, so I know rationally this isn't my "fault".. but still.
I'm also really stressed because I'm pregnant and I feel like I'm doing him a giant disservice by bringing in a new baby when I haven't even managed to get him talking yet. I'm scared that between the newborn and my work I'll have less time to dedicate to him once he is 2, so I really want to spend the next few months doing as much for him as I possibly can while it's still just the two of us during the day.
My questions:
1. What toys, games, products, activities, songs, videos, etc. helped encourage your child to speak? Especially if your child was similarly reluctant to speak - did anything help to break them out of their shell? I'd be willing to buy pretty much anything within reason.
2. Should I pursue speech therapy at this point, or wait until he is 2? My pediatrician wasn't concerned at his 18 month appointment and was inclined to wait and see what happens by his next appointment, but this is bothering me a lot, and we don't go back to the ped for another 4 months.
3. Anything else you suggest or any thoughts you have would be really appreciated.
Push your ped more and get an early intervention evaluation. Truly.
posted by k8t at 9:17 PM on May 25, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by k8t at 9:17 PM on May 25, 2015 [13 favorites]
This may sound far fetched, but did your son crawl? Or did he skip right from sitting to walking? There is some research that says that crawling is important to brain development of motor skills and speech is a motor skill. My friend's son wasn't talking at 2 and had gone straight from sitting to walking. The speech therapist spent time getting him to learn to crawl. The consensus was it really helped.
posted by cecic at 9:19 PM on May 25, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by cecic at 9:19 PM on May 25, 2015 [6 favorites]
I would still check out his hearing just in case. I did similar things as a toddler (whispering and not speaking much, pointing and crying when my parents would try to get me to speak). Once I got hearing aids....I talked almost too much :) In regards to directions, you can be amazed with what cues we can get from non verbal communication.
Also I would not try to not compare him to other kids. Everyone develops at their own pace -- even all the way though high school. He sounds like a great toddler, and will grow into a lovely boy.
posted by pando11 at 9:19 PM on May 25, 2015
Also I would not try to not compare him to other kids. Everyone develops at their own pace -- even all the way though high school. He sounds like a great toddler, and will grow into a lovely boy.
posted by pando11 at 9:19 PM on May 25, 2015
I nannied a little boy having very similar issues. He was a darling kid and had a great sense of humor. He was also brilliant with visual and spacial projects, sang when he was happy, and got along well with others. He was just slow to speak and had a very small spoken vocabulary by the time he reached 24 months.
His parents had him in speech therapy and had me go with him a few times so that I could learn the techniques the therapist wanted his caregivers to use at home. The therapist worked with him on actually saying words (like, helping him pronounce things) and was trained in hearing his version of certain words that didn't sound like words to me. You may want to go to a speech therapist just to rule out a hearing problem or another anatomical issue.
And on the other hand, some kids just don't like saying words until they can use them in a full sentence. My grandfather was like this. His first words were spoken at age 4 in a complete sentence. I totally get why your pediatrician isn't worried.
posted by Pearl928 at 9:21 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
His parents had him in speech therapy and had me go with him a few times so that I could learn the techniques the therapist wanted his caregivers to use at home. The therapist worked with him on actually saying words (like, helping him pronounce things) and was trained in hearing his version of certain words that didn't sound like words to me. You may want to go to a speech therapist just to rule out a hearing problem or another anatomical issue.
And on the other hand, some kids just don't like saying words until they can use them in a full sentence. My grandfather was like this. His first words were spoken at age 4 in a complete sentence. I totally get why your pediatrician isn't worried.
posted by Pearl928 at 9:21 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Both of my sons had small vocabularies between 1 1/2 and 2 years old, and then learned words like gangbusters between 2 and 2 1/2. They are both chatterboxes now. An expert could certainly chime in and tell me otherwise, but based on my experience as a dad, you are still within a "wait and see, probably nothing to worry about" range.
posted by umbú at 9:27 PM on May 25, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by umbú at 9:27 PM on May 25, 2015 [7 favorites]
I would go with the wait and see approach. My kid is almost 22 months and all of his words have only happened in the last two months. He is gaining words so fast now, but didn't know any more than yours two months ago.
There is a reason why ped appointments are so many months apart - they are really specifically to allow time for the kids to grow and meet milestones in the very varying rate that they do. He will get there. And if he doesn't by the time of his next appointment, then there is still plenty of time for him to catch up.
I totally feel for you on the pregnancy guilt front. I don't know what to say to make you feel better about it, other than knowing that kids are resilient and you will find and make room in your life and heart for both kids. You really will.
posted by jillithd at 9:35 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
There is a reason why ped appointments are so many months apart - they are really specifically to allow time for the kids to grow and meet milestones in the very varying rate that they do. He will get there. And if he doesn't by the time of his next appointment, then there is still plenty of time for him to catch up.
I totally feel for you on the pregnancy guilt front. I don't know what to say to make you feel better about it, other than knowing that kids are resilient and you will find and make room in your life and heart for both kids. You really will.
posted by jillithd at 9:35 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Just get speech therapy. In many places it's cheap or free, and often covered by insurance if not. Three months with a therapist caught our son up from the 15th percentile. There are little things you'll learn like how to encourage talking by adding some resistance (but not so much they get frustrated), speaking in very simple ways (one or two words at most), being very literal and specific ("good cleaning" instead of "good job"), putting a toy by your mouth or making games of imitating sounds, etc. Get your doctor to write a referral for speech and hearing evaluation.
Working with a therapist will answer this question best for your son and his specific needs.
posted by annekate at 9:35 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Working with a therapist will answer this question best for your son and his specific needs.
posted by annekate at 9:35 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Oh I forgot to mention we did get the therapy at 18 months, he was caught up by 2, so I think the timing is great and you don't need to wait. It can work very effectively at this age and it's basically just zero pressure play dates for them so don't worry about it being stressful.
posted by annekate at 9:36 PM on May 25, 2015
posted by annekate at 9:36 PM on May 25, 2015
Oh and third comment — I was also pregnant at the time! The good news is that the speech work actually isn't a huge time commitment and we saw progress with 2x 30 minute sessions per week plus maybe 20-30 minutes per day of "speech time" at home (which is just normal play but really focusing on words and imitations).
Congrats on the new baby and good luck!
posted by annekate at 9:40 PM on May 25, 2015
Congrats on the new baby and good luck!
posted by annekate at 9:40 PM on May 25, 2015
One thing you could try is to get him moving his mouth in a non-speech way: drinking through a straw, blowing bubbles, things like that. He might be sort of uncomfortable with moving his mouth and lips the way people do for talking.
You might consider a speech eval if only because you seem so anxious about it (not judging, just saying!) and that could set your mind at ease.
posted by Aquifer at 9:45 PM on May 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
You might consider a speech eval if only because you seem so anxious about it (not judging, just saying!) and that could set your mind at ease.
posted by Aquifer at 9:45 PM on May 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Get a developmental assessment. If it's something, you'll be glad it was caught early and you can move forward with any needed therapies, and if it's nothing, you'll feel a lot better. A speech language pathologist can put you on the right track.
posted by stowaway at 9:46 PM on May 25, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by stowaway at 9:46 PM on May 25, 2015 [8 favorites]
My pediatrician gave great weight to "mama knows." You know your kid better than anyone else. You have a sense that something isn't clicking. So it's worth another conversation with your doc and maybe get a second opinion. I do think he sounds within the realm of normal. My daughter had quite a lot of words at 2 years but they were mostly "parent words." Things that her Dad and I could understand quite well but not many other people could. From then on she quickly gained vocabulary and is quite the chatterbox now.
Get another opinion and don't worry overmuch at this stage. Even if he needs some intervention, he does not actually sound that behind.
posted by amanda at 10:01 PM on May 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
Get another opinion and don't worry overmuch at this stage. Even if he needs some intervention, he does not actually sound that behind.
posted by amanda at 10:01 PM on May 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
I agree that this sound within the realm of normal -- my 22-month-old wasn't saying anything except "mama" at 19 months, to the degree that I also asked his doc about it, and she said that there's such a huge variation in terms of language acquisition between 18-24 months that she wasn't worried. Sure enough, in the last six weeks especially, his language has EXPLODED.
But, yes, watch it, and, yes, if you're worried, there's no harm in getting an evaluation.
posted by linettasky at 10:08 PM on May 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
But, yes, watch it, and, yes, if you're worried, there's no harm in getting an evaluation.
posted by linettasky at 10:08 PM on May 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
My daughter barely spoke at all at that age. She had, maybe, dog, and mama, and...quite possibly that was it. She "caught up" within probably six months or so, and skipped a lot of the baby talk phase that many children go through. She's a well-spoken twelve year old, now.
Give it a few months.
posted by MeghanC at 10:10 PM on May 25, 2015
Give it a few months.
posted by MeghanC at 10:10 PM on May 25, 2015
Speech therapy is decidedly NOT useless at this age. There are SLPs who specialize in kids his age, and you may be in a state that will provide you with early intervention services. Talk to your pediatrician about it, they should be able to refer you to someone.
posted by a hat out of hell at 10:29 PM on May 25, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by a hat out of hell at 10:29 PM on May 25, 2015 [7 favorites]
I know you are worried but I think I'd put off worrying about it until he is 2 1/2. Like, really, tell yourself not to worry about it until then. And then back off some? It sounds like you are really pressuring him to do something he's just not capable of yet. It's ok. He's not really behind and I bet you he'll catch up and start talking your ear off in just a couple of months. And, if he doesn't, you can start therapy at 2 1/2.
If you are all frustrated because he can't communicate then think about teaching him some sign language. It won't hold him back from speaking but it will help him understand that he can get what he wants if he can communicate his request to you. No need to buy anything for this, there are plenty of videos out there.
posted by dawkins_7 at 10:33 PM on May 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
If you are all frustrated because he can't communicate then think about teaching him some sign language. It won't hold him back from speaking but it will help him understand that he can get what he wants if he can communicate his request to you. No need to buy anything for this, there are plenty of videos out there.
posted by dawkins_7 at 10:33 PM on May 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
I want to Nth cecic about sitting to walking - Yep - my son didn't really crawl and went straight to walking. Cecic's comment makes SO much sense in our recent experience.
I also want to Nth getting early intervention, which may even pay for your speech therapy, depending on where you live and your insurance.
I totally do not regret getting early intervention even though I could have just let things take their course. My son is still getting services, but is ahead or par with of most of his peers 2 years later.
Looking back, and especially in view of cecic' comment, I waited too long to start services at 2.5 yrs. I don't think it helps my son's overall intelligence, which is present and innate, much like yours.
I do KNOW early intervention and speech therapy helped my son acclimate as he grew older, helped him articulate and avoid frustrations that lead to behavior problems and acting out.
My son is SUPER independent minded, sensitive - and yet he does well socially among his peers and excels in lots of areas. Some of his peers are not at his maturity level, regardless of speech level. He benefitted from early intervention.
That said...
I changed one of his therapists because she clearly disliked children. That decision was so so hard as a first time parent dealing with a the education bureaucracy, OMG. It is a scary world to enter your baby into. You kinda have to get lucky + be discerning. But I navigated OK and I did it.
I think it's good for you to persue if you are good with dealing with "customer service" type issues and can shift that into being a discerning advocate for your child....
If that all seems too burly, think seriously about getting your son into a quality daycare or preschool. Being amongst peers regularly and being in a (semi) structured (play centered) environment is just awesome sauce. Truly.
posted by jbenben at 10:37 PM on May 25, 2015 [4 favorites]
I also want to Nth getting early intervention, which may even pay for your speech therapy, depending on where you live and your insurance.
I totally do not regret getting early intervention even though I could have just let things take their course. My son is still getting services, but is ahead or par with of most of his peers 2 years later.
Looking back, and especially in view of cecic' comment, I waited too long to start services at 2.5 yrs. I don't think it helps my son's overall intelligence, which is present and innate, much like yours.
I do KNOW early intervention and speech therapy helped my son acclimate as he grew older, helped him articulate and avoid frustrations that lead to behavior problems and acting out.
My son is SUPER independent minded, sensitive - and yet he does well socially among his peers and excels in lots of areas. Some of his peers are not at his maturity level, regardless of speech level. He benefitted from early intervention.
That said...
I changed one of his therapists because she clearly disliked children. That decision was so so hard as a first time parent dealing with a the education bureaucracy, OMG. It is a scary world to enter your baby into. You kinda have to get lucky + be discerning. But I navigated OK and I did it.
I think it's good for you to persue if you are good with dealing with "customer service" type issues and can shift that into being a discerning advocate for your child....
If that all seems too burly, think seriously about getting your son into a quality daycare or preschool. Being amongst peers regularly and being in a (semi) structured (play centered) environment is just awesome sauce. Truly.
posted by jbenben at 10:37 PM on May 25, 2015 [4 favorites]
If you are in Florida you can have him evaluated through the state's early intervention program. It is super easy. Please call them, if nothing else it will put your mind at ease.
posted by bq at 10:38 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by bq at 10:38 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
"If you are in Florida you can have him evaluated through the state's early intervention program. It is super easy. Please call them, if nothing else it will put your mind at ease."
I'm going to add a comment here.
There seems to be a tendency to over-diagnose Autism because the label opens bureaucratic doors and $$. It's like without a label, there's no interest in providing help.
You do what you need to with that information. This is an opinion I relate to you from early intervention specialists I have spoken to privately, and more than one.
Whatever. As a good advocate, you can deal with down the road problems. In the short-term, the bureaucracy kinda needs what it needs.
A psychiatrist in the system actually said to me, "diagnosed at 2 yrs old, cured by 5 yrs old." Which telegraphed to me, "We don't actually know at 2 years old, but fuck it, there's money to be spent and we need to address these issues today even if they don't translate into lifelong issues - in fact - let's hope early intervention works as advertised!"
FWIW.
posted by jbenben at 10:49 PM on May 25, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm going to add a comment here.
There seems to be a tendency to over-diagnose Autism because the label opens bureaucratic doors and $$. It's like without a label, there's no interest in providing help.
You do what you need to with that information. This is an opinion I relate to you from early intervention specialists I have spoken to privately, and more than one.
Whatever. As a good advocate, you can deal with down the road problems. In the short-term, the bureaucracy kinda needs what it needs.
A psychiatrist in the system actually said to me, "diagnosed at 2 yrs old, cured by 5 yrs old." Which telegraphed to me, "We don't actually know at 2 years old, but fuck it, there's money to be spent and we need to address these issues today even if they don't translate into lifelong issues - in fact - let's hope early intervention works as advertised!"
FWIW.
posted by jbenben at 10:49 PM on May 25, 2015 [4 favorites]
I remember being told "use your words!" as a kid, and I think especially after my sibling was born and I tried babytalk in a bid for attention. So speech therapy could be helpful, and it could also be a nice way to spend individual time with your child after little sibling arrives.
In Boys' and Girls' Brains: What's the Difference? [PBS], one of the general suggestions is to "foster children's language skills, with special attention to your sons," but I also think "this is bothering me a lot" is the best reason to at least consult with a speech therapist.
posted by Little Dawn at 11:15 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
In Boys' and Girls' Brains: What's the Difference? [PBS], one of the general suggestions is to "foster children's language skills, with special attention to your sons," but I also think "this is bothering me a lot" is the best reason to at least consult with a speech therapist.
posted by Little Dawn at 11:15 PM on May 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Apparently there is a link between how your toddler eats and how much later they learn to speak, basically because what your toddler is doing with his mouth muscles when eating and drinking are actually the same movements that he’d use when combined with voice at a slightly later stage to speak. So if he was slightly late to start eating certain foods, or a picky eater, the speech to make those sounds would also come later.
For what it's worth my son was late to talk (apparently boys are more prone to this) and now at three and half you can't shut him up. Once it comes, it's a deluge of words. My daughter on the other hand was speaking full sentences at thirteen months, which is really early. Both kids raised in the same house - go figure, every child is different. I wouldn't worry too much yet but I found that singing songs, whether it's you or the tv or a cd, seemed to capture his attention. And just expose him to lots of language and talking. Point out things in the street, just chat away. He will get there.
posted by Jubey at 11:19 PM on May 25, 2015
For what it's worth my son was late to talk (apparently boys are more prone to this) and now at three and half you can't shut him up. Once it comes, it's a deluge of words. My daughter on the other hand was speaking full sentences at thirteen months, which is really early. Both kids raised in the same house - go figure, every child is different. I wouldn't worry too much yet but I found that singing songs, whether it's you or the tv or a cd, seemed to capture his attention. And just expose him to lots of language and talking. Point out things in the street, just chat away. He will get there.
posted by Jubey at 11:19 PM on May 25, 2015
Talking to a speech therapist might be useful, but there's every chance your child will talk in his own time. I'm a speech therapist, but I don't work with kids any more. Here in the UK I'm not sure anyone would be more than a little concerned yet. The fact that he understands well and that he is speaking some words is a great indicator that he will speak when he is ready.
If you did have speech therapy here in the UK at that age, the therapy would be aimed at you, not at him. We would likely focus on getting you to stop asking him questions except 'real' questions where you genuinely want some information from him, like a choice. We tend to get parents to get down to the level of the child, follow what they are interested in, then name things the child is looking at. If the child does say something, you build on it. For example, you say the names: 'book . . . . dog . . . . car', he says 'car' so you say 'yes, a blue car. you're driving the blue car'. It takes the pressure off and gives your child space to speak.
It's great that you're reading books and singing songs. Singing songs and doing things like animal noises are fabulous at that age.
Pointing is an important communicative skill, and more importantly it shows your child that he can influence the world around him with his actions. It's not something to discourage, but of course if it's not specific enough then you can tell him you don't understand.
I would shift your focus away from letters for the moment - literacy can only develop when you have language basics. Most kids develop words as holistic things - they only develop the skill to break them down into individual sounds much later, and blending sounds together to create words is also a separate skill.
So don't stress. See a speech therapist if that would reassure you. Take the pressure off and focus on providing good models rather than asking questions.
posted by kadia_a at 11:44 PM on May 25, 2015 [12 favorites]
If you did have speech therapy here in the UK at that age, the therapy would be aimed at you, not at him. We would likely focus on getting you to stop asking him questions except 'real' questions where you genuinely want some information from him, like a choice. We tend to get parents to get down to the level of the child, follow what they are interested in, then name things the child is looking at. If the child does say something, you build on it. For example, you say the names: 'book . . . . dog . . . . car', he says 'car' so you say 'yes, a blue car. you're driving the blue car'. It takes the pressure off and gives your child space to speak.
It's great that you're reading books and singing songs. Singing songs and doing things like animal noises are fabulous at that age.
Pointing is an important communicative skill, and more importantly it shows your child that he can influence the world around him with his actions. It's not something to discourage, but of course if it's not specific enough then you can tell him you don't understand.
I would shift your focus away from letters for the moment - literacy can only develop when you have language basics. Most kids develop words as holistic things - they only develop the skill to break them down into individual sounds much later, and blending sounds together to create words is also a separate skill.
So don't stress. See a speech therapist if that would reassure you. Take the pressure off and focus on providing good models rather than asking questions.
posted by kadia_a at 11:44 PM on May 25, 2015 [12 favorites]
I have three autistic children. I agree with getting an developmental evaluation. Hopefully, you are right and your child is not on the spectrum. But if your child is on the spectrum, believe me when I tell you that early intervention is so much better than late intervention. Good luck.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:24 AM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by double block and bleed at 2:24 AM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]
We did speech therapy when my son was 1 and it was so helpful in terms of teaching us how to better interact with him to promote speech. For instance, our therapist suggested that we should prompt him to ask for things but not in 'high pressure' situations like where he wanted food or water. During those times she suggested that we prompt once or twice but then move on.
posted by statsgirl at 2:48 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by statsgirl at 2:48 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think you're fine, but it's worth getting an evaluation, absolutely. This is a good link: Warning Signs of Language Delay.
Just wanted to comment, that if you're comparing him to other younger children who have siblings, it's not a fair comparison. Their language environments are different, and I noticed that language developed a different rates for my nephews.
I remember the first born talked less readily and had good vocab, but did the whine-point a lot. I also felt he struggled being understood. (Lots of 'what? what do you want?') The second one hit language milestones earlier, and comprehended much more. He also talked to his brother (4 year difference) a LOT, had more daycare, whereas his older brother hadn't had as many people to talk to. He also was better at making himself understood.
Just remember that environment does play a difference, and if your friend's children are babbling all day to a sibling, perhaps they are slightly ahead because of that.
They're 4 and 8 now, and the older one has no developmental or language problems. And we can't get him to stop talking most of the time.
posted by Dimes at 3:18 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
Just wanted to comment, that if you're comparing him to other younger children who have siblings, it's not a fair comparison. Their language environments are different, and I noticed that language developed a different rates for my nephews.
I remember the first born talked less readily and had good vocab, but did the whine-point a lot. I also felt he struggled being understood. (Lots of 'what? what do you want?') The second one hit language milestones earlier, and comprehended much more. He also talked to his brother (4 year difference) a LOT, had more daycare, whereas his older brother hadn't had as many people to talk to. He also was better at making himself understood.
Just remember that environment does play a difference, and if your friend's children are babbling all day to a sibling, perhaps they are slightly ahead because of that.
They're 4 and 8 now, and the older one has no developmental or language problems. And we can't get him to stop talking most of the time.
posted by Dimes at 3:18 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
You could definitely get the early intervention check, it's not going to hurt.
Datapoint: I have three (adult) kids. The eldest and the youngest were pointers and screamers as toddlers and 15+ years later, they never stop talking. Seriously, my son starts yapping at 6 AM and yammers his stream of consciousness ALL DAY LONG. It happens when it happens.
posted by kinetic at 3:24 AM on May 26, 2015
Datapoint: I have three (adult) kids. The eldest and the youngest were pointers and screamers as toddlers and 15+ years later, they never stop talking. Seriously, my son starts yapping at 6 AM and yammers his stream of consciousness ALL DAY LONG. It happens when it happens.
posted by kinetic at 3:24 AM on May 26, 2015
At 20 months, animal sounds and "buh" for "balloon" are absolutely real words. My son was a late talker, as I was, and appointments from 9-24 months involved the pediatrician saying "Let's wait until the next appointment before getting worried." He was learning new words but at a pretty slow rate. And most of his words were animal sounds and "dah" meaning 15 different things. By his 2 year appointment, he was suddenly "average" and at 4 he says "it's dark outside and we're diurnal creatures, we should go to bed."
A thing I read about that I think helped was immediately responding to as many of his voiced sounds as I could. If I knew what he was saying, I'd extend the phrase for him, if I didn't know what he was saying I'd make a sound back. "Dah." "Yes, that's a picture of Daddy, you're right!" Or "Dah." "Dah-dah-dah, uh-huh." Just immediate feedback and approval that he made a sound. I'd substitute the flashcard time for as much of that as you can stand. He might have had his word explosion either way but it seemed correlated.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:10 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
A thing I read about that I think helped was immediately responding to as many of his voiced sounds as I could. If I knew what he was saying, I'd extend the phrase for him, if I didn't know what he was saying I'd make a sound back. "Dah." "Yes, that's a picture of Daddy, you're right!" Or "Dah." "Dah-dah-dah, uh-huh." Just immediate feedback and approval that he made a sound. I'd substitute the flashcard time for as much of that as you can stand. He might have had his word explosion either way but it seemed correlated.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:10 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
More time with other, verbal toddlers?
I mean, Adults are encouraging him to talk, but as far as he is concerned, adults might be another species - at the very least, they can do heaps of stuff that a 20mth old can't.
Continually observing other toddlers demanding a juice, cookie, ball etc and having it work? Inspirational!
posted by Elysum at 4:34 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
I mean, Adults are encouraging him to talk, but as far as he is concerned, adults might be another species - at the very least, they can do heaps of stuff that a 20mth old can't.
Continually observing other toddlers demanding a juice, cookie, ball etc and having it work? Inspirational!
posted by Elysum at 4:34 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
He's fine, leave him be.
posted by Segundus at 4:59 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Segundus at 4:59 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have three grown sons. One of my sons spoke very early and pronounced new words perfectly at 12 months and used them in grammatically correct sentences. He's now the quietest of the three. Another son spoke around 18 months. And finally, another son didn't utter more than a handful of words until he was close to 3, at which point he started talking in full paragraphs. I think it's probably safe to wait, but if you can find a speech therapist to assess him it won't hurt.
Do you sing with him? Or do you both ever sing along to a favorite video? Some young kids are better at singing than at speaking; singing uses a different part of the brain, I think.
How well does he communicate with other kids? Does he show any frustration at not being able to communicate in words?
posted by mareli at 5:12 AM on May 26, 2015
Do you sing with him? Or do you both ever sing along to a favorite video? Some young kids are better at singing than at speaking; singing uses a different part of the brain, I think.
How well does he communicate with other kids? Does he show any frustration at not being able to communicate in words?
posted by mareli at 5:12 AM on May 26, 2015
If you live in the U.S. most Early Intervention programs are free before the age of 3 - it doesn't hurt to have him checked out. Worst case he needs speech therapy and best case is that he doesn't.
You could also try teaching him basic sign language. I did that with my kids and it was a great way for them to communicate with me before they could really speak. They watched the Signing Time videos but you can also just start doing basic signs yourself ("eat" and "more" were v popular round here)
posted by cuppycake gumdrops at 5:15 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
You could also try teaching him basic sign language. I did that with my kids and it was a great way for them to communicate with me before they could really speak. They watched the Signing Time videos but you can also just start doing basic signs yourself ("eat" and "more" were v popular round here)
posted by cuppycake gumdrops at 5:15 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
Our son did not say any words....not one...at his 2 year well check appointment. No "Momma", no "Dada", no words at all, zilch, nada. Your son would have been downright chatty compared to ours. We had no other concerns about him either except that he did not speak any words. Our pediatrician said at the time that he did not worry about lack of speech until 27 months. Wish I hadn't worried.
Lo and behold, at 26.5 months, the words started coming to Little Murrey. At nearly 6 years old now, Little Murrey talks a blue streak, is very social and very bright in school. If you have no other concerns about him, I wouldn't worry about no words yet.
posted by murrey at 5:23 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
Lo and behold, at 26.5 months, the words started coming to Little Murrey. At nearly 6 years old now, Little Murrey talks a blue streak, is very social and very bright in school. If you have no other concerns about him, I wouldn't worry about no words yet.
posted by murrey at 5:23 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
My son just turned two last week and he sounds very similar to what you described. He does get speech therapy twice a week through our state's early intervention service. He just started using more words. From the age of 1 until about three months ago, he only said Mama, Dada and Dat (Cat). Now he's making animal sounds as well as repeating sounds & words he hears us make, though his pronunciation is weird. Like, he says "pu-gorn" for popcorn. I'd say the speech therapy did help in that it trained us to delay and repeat words to encourage him to speak. Rather than just go where he tried to lead me, I'd repeat "Mama up?" a few times before I'd follow him. He started saying "mama" at first and now says "mama up." If he wanted a drink, I'd show him the sippy cup and say "Milk? Milk?" until he made at least a "M" sound. If course, the delaying is only until he starts getting frustrated. If he doesn't make the sound after a few prompts and he's winding himself up for a tantrum, I distract him by counting to 3 and then give him the thing.
One thing I'd recommend you do, especially since your son seems to whisper, is get his hearing checked. That was part of the issue with my kid. He had muffled hearing because of fluid buildup in his inner ear. That had been present probably since he was 9 months old, so he wasn't really hearing accurately. It had never been detected until we took him to a pediatric ENT because he'd never had any ear infections or other symptoms. Have them check the movement of his eardrums. When they hooked my son up to that machine, they saw that his eardrums were barely moving. It cleared up with time and (maybe) nasal spray. Our speech therapist told us that he may have pronunciation troubles for a while longer because his hearing was affected for so long.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:25 AM on May 26, 2015
One thing I'd recommend you do, especially since your son seems to whisper, is get his hearing checked. That was part of the issue with my kid. He had muffled hearing because of fluid buildup in his inner ear. That had been present probably since he was 9 months old, so he wasn't really hearing accurately. It had never been detected until we took him to a pediatric ENT because he'd never had any ear infections or other symptoms. Have them check the movement of his eardrums. When they hooked my son up to that machine, they saw that his eardrums were barely moving. It cleared up with time and (maybe) nasal spray. Our speech therapist told us that he may have pronunciation troubles for a while longer because his hearing was affected for so long.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:25 AM on May 26, 2015
I'd also scale back on the pre-reading and flash cards unless you both enjoy doing them.
I totally agree. Flashcards might be helpful for an adult studying a foreign language in college where sheer memorization of specified words is necessary, but are absolutely not part of "natural" language acquisition, and might actually be annoying and counterproductive for your baby. My advice is to do a running commentary on everyday things and activities, e.g. at the supermarket, pick up and discuss all sorts of fruits and vegetables: "Oh, isn't this a pretty red apple? Mommy needs to get some carrots; where are they? - Oh, here they are! What nice long carrots!" Also dressing him is a fabulous opportunity for running commentary with lots of useful nouns. "Time to put a sock on your foot! Which sock should we put on your foot, the red one or the blue one? How about the blue one?" And do not expect or demand any response. He will listen and store this natural language expression and begin his own quite soon. When the new baby is born, discuss everything about the baby and let your son be your partner and helper in baby's care in simple ways.
As a data point, my son had very few words at 18-20 months and completely ignored any prompts to speak or repeat single words. But in an adorable imitation of my running-commentary style, he would speak "sentences" containing one or two words that he knew, and fill in the rest with what were clearly babble-sounds but had the cadence of adult speech. This in turn encouraged everyone to continue speaking natural full sentences to him. His vocabulary was outstanding by the time he was 2 1/2.
posted by RRgal at 6:08 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
I totally agree. Flashcards might be helpful for an adult studying a foreign language in college where sheer memorization of specified words is necessary, but are absolutely not part of "natural" language acquisition, and might actually be annoying and counterproductive for your baby. My advice is to do a running commentary on everyday things and activities, e.g. at the supermarket, pick up and discuss all sorts of fruits and vegetables: "Oh, isn't this a pretty red apple? Mommy needs to get some carrots; where are they? - Oh, here they are! What nice long carrots!" Also dressing him is a fabulous opportunity for running commentary with lots of useful nouns. "Time to put a sock on your foot! Which sock should we put on your foot, the red one or the blue one? How about the blue one?" And do not expect or demand any response. He will listen and store this natural language expression and begin his own quite soon. When the new baby is born, discuss everything about the baby and let your son be your partner and helper in baby's care in simple ways.
As a data point, my son had very few words at 18-20 months and completely ignored any prompts to speak or repeat single words. But in an adorable imitation of my running-commentary style, he would speak "sentences" containing one or two words that he knew, and fill in the rest with what were clearly babble-sounds but had the cadence of adult speech. This in turn encouraged everyone to continue speaking natural full sentences to him. His vocabulary was outstanding by the time he was 2 1/2.
posted by RRgal at 6:08 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
Eh. My son was in early intervention therapy for his walking from 14-22 months. When he was discharged the did another full evaluation. He didn't have a lot of words, but like your son, had comprehension skills beyond his age. They weren't concerned. They even said that his 'words', like 'bah' for light and other words that were his but not real, counted because they were ways to communicate a specific desire or object. At about 26/27 months he had a couple of really off sleepless nights then a language explosion. Seriously, he went to bed with 2 word phrases and woke up and told me he wanted raisins in his cereal with milk please. It was crazy. It hasn't stopped. He's almost 2.5. Give it time. You can get him evaluated of you want of course, but don't stress.
posted by MayNicholas at 6:16 AM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by MayNicholas at 6:16 AM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]
I feel like I'm completely failing him at language development since I'm his primary caregiver and he's floundering in this area.
I don't think he's floundering. I've met lots and lots of not-particularly-verbal 20-month-olds, many of them with less verbal comprehension than you report for your son.
I think it would pay you to learn conscious rejection of beating yourself up for parenting "mistakes". Every kid is different, and every single parent in the entire history of parents has always been Doing It Wrong. If you love him and you're kind to him and you can keep on making him not die, you're fine.
One day, you'll look back at your son's early development and this will be funny.
posted by flabdablet at 6:32 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't think he's floundering. I've met lots and lots of not-particularly-verbal 20-month-olds, many of them with less verbal comprehension than you report for your son.
I think it would pay you to learn conscious rejection of beating yourself up for parenting "mistakes". Every kid is different, and every single parent in the entire history of parents has always been Doing It Wrong. If you love him and you're kind to him and you can keep on making him not die, you're fine.
One day, you'll look back at your son's early development and this will be funny.
posted by flabdablet at 6:32 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm not worried, I think getting an EI evaluation is a fine idea (I had good experiences with EI for a speech/language delay in my child learning to pronounce sounds properly), but I wanted to add that adding an infant to this mix CAN ONLY HELP. Kids talk more to their siblings than just about anybody else. Even with a baby, your toddler is going to be imitating how you talk to and care for the baby, and even non-verbal toddlers will croon in imitation of mom singing to the baby. I expect in a few months you'll have a tiny little helper pulling on your pant leg to tell you, "Baby stink. Diaper!"
"Some sounds he makes are kind of whispers instead of speech. He whispers "dada" instead of saying it in a normal voice like he does "mama" or "nana". He does this a lot with new sounds and seems very timid about using his voice, but maybe I'm projecting."
My older son did this, for quite a long time, and my best guess was that he was practicing the sounds and how they sounded to him before developing the confidence to say them out loud. He is a cautious child, and a planner, and likes to work things through before he commits ... I guess even at that age! Sometimes I would hear him practicing them by himself in his crib at a normal volume, but if people were in the room he'd whisper to himself. I think he was just testing to see that was how the sound was going to come out of his mouth, but without wanting to actually use the word? I don't know, I mostly thought it was cute and it faded away eventually.
He's making animal sounds, he says mama, he can follow directions, he can communicate what he wants; I think you should maybe RELAX a bit on the drill and flashcards and demands to speak and formalized teaching methods, and just carry on a normal day where you keep up the running flow of chatter and conversation and let him join the conversation the way he wants, with babble or grunts or pointing or words. It'll come. Kids are hardwired to acquire language; whatever things he thinks are fun and responds to, do more of those things, they're helping.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:51 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Some sounds he makes are kind of whispers instead of speech. He whispers "dada" instead of saying it in a normal voice like he does "mama" or "nana". He does this a lot with new sounds and seems very timid about using his voice, but maybe I'm projecting."
My older son did this, for quite a long time, and my best guess was that he was practicing the sounds and how they sounded to him before developing the confidence to say them out loud. He is a cautious child, and a planner, and likes to work things through before he commits ... I guess even at that age! Sometimes I would hear him practicing them by himself in his crib at a normal volume, but if people were in the room he'd whisper to himself. I think he was just testing to see that was how the sound was going to come out of his mouth, but without wanting to actually use the word? I don't know, I mostly thought it was cute and it faded away eventually.
He's making animal sounds, he says mama, he can follow directions, he can communicate what he wants; I think you should maybe RELAX a bit on the drill and flashcards and demands to speak and formalized teaching methods, and just carry on a normal day where you keep up the running flow of chatter and conversation and let him join the conversation the way he wants, with babble or grunts or pointing or words. It'll come. Kids are hardwired to acquire language; whatever things he thinks are fun and responds to, do more of those things, they're helping.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:51 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
My kid turned 2 in January and sounds similar. He seemed hesitant to say a word wrong so was really cautious when saying something. Or at least that's how it felt. I would say in the last two months his language has really exploded. Every day he says a few new words, it's unreal, because we were worried, like you are. Our doc did try to reassure us that he was fine... and I think he probably is now that he's talking more.
Though if you are super worried, as everyone says, get Early Intervention to check him out. Either it'll ease your mind or he'll get some services that may help!
Good luck - I know it's hard not to worry, but 20 months is still so young. I know there are kids who are speaking in sentences at that point, but everyone develops differently.
posted by jdl at 7:01 AM on May 26, 2015
Though if you are super worried, as everyone says, get Early Intervention to check him out. Either it'll ease your mind or he'll get some services that may help!
Good luck - I know it's hard not to worry, but 20 months is still so young. I know there are kids who are speaking in sentences at that point, but everyone develops differently.
posted by jdl at 7:01 AM on May 26, 2015
He does lots of whining and pointing, and grabbing my hand and dragging me around the house to show me what he wants to eat/drink/do, so he has obviously figured out how to get by without talking. I try very hard to try to make him express himself verbally, but he gets so frustrated and upset that my pleas to "Just try to say water. Wa! Wa! Wa-ter!" etc. never amounts to anything other than screams. Sometimes it takes me a really long time for me to figure out what he wants (or I never do) and rather than ever trying to say anything he just becomes completely hysterical.
Uggh, this sounds awful for you! This level of pressure, all day, every day, while you're pregnant on top of it? Suck. City. I want you to know a couple of things, though.
This morning, I dropped my almost 3 year old at preschool. There's a kid in his class two months older than him that speaks like your kid speaks. Honestly. There's nothing wrong with him. He's totally with it. You can tell because he talks (mostly vowels, few consonants) all the time, reacts and gestures and smiles and laughs and is sweet like the other kids. Nobody's worried about him.
It all comes. Your kid is not even 2. You are going to be amazed at how he's going to change in the next few months, and how huge a leap there is between 18 months and 2 years, and again between 2 and 2.5, and again between 2.5 and 3.
I would guess that because you know your son so well, you see in him a very sophisticated, complex, nuanced person with loads of potential and a wellspring of possibility. All mommies know our kids so well they leap out at us as capable of anything. And they are, and he is. And he feels it, too, which is why it's so frustrating for him that a.) he can't yet speak the words he understands and b.) that it makes mommy upset and frustrated that he can't please her by speaking the words. And so what you get is hours spent with flashcards and exercises trying to push this very natural process along, and he gets frustrated and feels anxious because you are anxious. All this, instead of relaxing and being with your kid and letting him be with you. And doubly so for you, because you're pregnant and feeling like you've somehow "failed"(?!) because you haven't "gotten" your first kid talking. I can see it now - he utters something, you instinctively mirror it for him, all day every day, like all of us moms do. That's all you need to do on this. That, and the stuff you're already doing which is natural and fun - singing, babbling, describing life all day, every day. You're doing a great job of being his mommy. He sounds perfectly lovely and you sound like the kind of conscientious, loving mom we all want and should be. Please relax and give yourself a break.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 7:02 AM on May 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
Uggh, this sounds awful for you! This level of pressure, all day, every day, while you're pregnant on top of it? Suck. City. I want you to know a couple of things, though.
This morning, I dropped my almost 3 year old at preschool. There's a kid in his class two months older than him that speaks like your kid speaks. Honestly. There's nothing wrong with him. He's totally with it. You can tell because he talks (mostly vowels, few consonants) all the time, reacts and gestures and smiles and laughs and is sweet like the other kids. Nobody's worried about him.
It all comes. Your kid is not even 2. You are going to be amazed at how he's going to change in the next few months, and how huge a leap there is between 18 months and 2 years, and again between 2 and 2.5, and again between 2.5 and 3.
I would guess that because you know your son so well, you see in him a very sophisticated, complex, nuanced person with loads of potential and a wellspring of possibility. All mommies know our kids so well they leap out at us as capable of anything. And they are, and he is. And he feels it, too, which is why it's so frustrating for him that a.) he can't yet speak the words he understands and b.) that it makes mommy upset and frustrated that he can't please her by speaking the words. And so what you get is hours spent with flashcards and exercises trying to push this very natural process along, and he gets frustrated and feels anxious because you are anxious. All this, instead of relaxing and being with your kid and letting him be with you. And doubly so for you, because you're pregnant and feeling like you've somehow "failed"(?!) because you haven't "gotten" your first kid talking. I can see it now - he utters something, you instinctively mirror it for him, all day every day, like all of us moms do. That's all you need to do on this. That, and the stuff you're already doing which is natural and fun - singing, babbling, describing life all day, every day. You're doing a great job of being his mommy. He sounds perfectly lovely and you sound like the kind of conscientious, loving mom we all want and should be. Please relax and give yourself a break.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 7:02 AM on May 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
He does lots of whining and pointing, and grabbing my hand and dragging me around the house to show me what he wants to eat/drink/do, so he has obviously figured out how to get by without talking. I try very hard to try to make him express himself verbally, but he gets so frustrated and upset that my pleas to "Just try to say water. Wa! Wa! Wa-ter!" etc. never amounts to anything other than screams. Sometimes it takes me a really long time for me to figure out what he wants (or I never do) and rather than ever trying to say anything he just becomes completely hysterical.
I'm not a parent but I have read that baby sign language can be useful for this stuff. If it's speaking the words that's causing the problem, maybe signing will be easier for him to pick up and will reduce your stress in the long run. Kids who sign are supposed to have an easier time picking up spoken language, too.
posted by chaiminda at 7:13 AM on May 26, 2015
I'm not a parent but I have read that baby sign language can be useful for this stuff. If it's speaking the words that's causing the problem, maybe signing will be easier for him to pick up and will reduce your stress in the long run. Kids who sign are supposed to have an easier time picking up spoken language, too.
posted by chaiminda at 7:13 AM on May 26, 2015
I understand the pressure, I truly do, but I have found that the harder I push the more resistant my child becomes. My daughter is 14 months old and says... nothing. The only word she uses is Dada (that makes me feel great, let me tell you). She doesn't mirror sounds back at all (except dada and, occasionally, baba for mama). She makes herself understood by pointing and demanding (DAH! means "give me that interesting thing right now!") and can sign MORE when she's hungry (they taught her at daycare, I can't even take credit for that). She also doesn't walk or stand unassisted, has no interest in books or songs, and started eating solid food in measurable quantities only three weeks ago.
She's fine. She is apparently focusing her energies on being super happy and climbing our furniture like a mountain goat. I didn't talk until I was almost 3. My husband didn't walk until he was almost 18 months old. The variations of normal are almost infinite.
Pushing and trying to force him to talk are just going to stress you and him out. He'll get there when he's ready. If you have legitimate health concerns, by all means call your pedi and convey them. If it's a question of him being "behind," though, he's not and you should really stop forcing the issue quite so aggressively. Keep singing and reading, of course, but the flash cards sound a bit much.
posted by lydhre at 7:33 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
She's fine. She is apparently focusing her energies on being super happy and climbing our furniture like a mountain goat. I didn't talk until I was almost 3. My husband didn't walk until he was almost 18 months old. The variations of normal are almost infinite.
Pushing and trying to force him to talk are just going to stress you and him out. He'll get there when he's ready. If you have legitimate health concerns, by all means call your pedi and convey them. If it's a question of him being "behind," though, he's not and you should really stop forcing the issue quite so aggressively. Keep singing and reading, of course, but the flash cards sound a bit much.
posted by lydhre at 7:33 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
There's nothing wrong with getting an evaluation. On the other hand, there are many, many very intelligent, and otherwise perfectly normal, kids who were late talkers.
posted by Mr. Justice at 7:33 AM on May 26, 2015
posted by Mr. Justice at 7:33 AM on May 26, 2015
Response by poster: Thanks so much for all the comments so far. I just want to clarify that I don't "drill" him with flashcards or anything else - he brings them to me throughout the day because he loves them. I didn't even think he would be interested in them yet, but he found them in his bookcase and thinks they are the best. Whenever we do them I just talk about the picture and repeat the word sounds. He is very interested until I ask him to repeat more than one syllable,then he just ignores me and flips to a new card. We spend vastly more time chasing each other around the house, playing hide and seek, and doing other silly games than we do on any language-specific activities. I'm extremely laid back and I don't think I ever pressure him to talk; he just tends to go from happy to angry quite quickly if I don't immediately follow his "directions". My attempts to elicit a word when he wants something are pretty short lived and are low pressure. Yesterday was a really bad day because he wanted something odd and very specific so he had a horrible meltdown when I couldn't guess what be wanted (grapes).
I forgot to mention that he does know a little sign language, which he uses consistently at meals (more/all done). I'll try to teach him some new signs (maybe invent a sign for grapes!) to help him in the meantime.
posted by gatorae at 7:45 AM on May 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
I forgot to mention that he does know a little sign language, which he uses consistently at meals (more/all done). I'll try to teach him some new signs (maybe invent a sign for grapes!) to help him in the meantime.
posted by gatorae at 7:45 AM on May 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm also in the camp that getting an evaluation can't hurt.
But couple of other things. First, is your household bi-lingual? Kids in bi-lingual houses can take longer to speak.
Also, is your kid regularly in the company of other kids? Our kid stayed home until he was 15mos, at which point he had a few words, though understood everything perfectly, as you mentioned your kid does. At 15mos we put him in daycare and he picked up a bunch of words, but as he was getting closer to 24mos a lot of the older kids were transitioning out of his room, and younger kids were coming in who had less language skills, so our son started to regress a bit. As soon as he turned 2 he transitioned into the "big kid" room and oh man, the language explosion! Now my hubby complains that the kid will not shut up (actually he takes after his father that way so the complaint is somewhat amusing to me). Anyway, so being around kids a lot has helped tremendously.
posted by vignettist at 7:51 AM on May 26, 2015
But couple of other things. First, is your household bi-lingual? Kids in bi-lingual houses can take longer to speak.
Also, is your kid regularly in the company of other kids? Our kid stayed home until he was 15mos, at which point he had a few words, though understood everything perfectly, as you mentioned your kid does. At 15mos we put him in daycare and he picked up a bunch of words, but as he was getting closer to 24mos a lot of the older kids were transitioning out of his room, and younger kids were coming in who had less language skills, so our son started to regress a bit. As soon as he turned 2 he transitioned into the "big kid" room and oh man, the language explosion! Now my hubby complains that the kid will not shut up (actually he takes after his father that way so the complaint is somewhat amusing to me). Anyway, so being around kids a lot has helped tremendously.
posted by vignettist at 7:51 AM on May 26, 2015
My kiddo turned out to have a mild muscular impairment, that affected his speech/tongue. He was a late talker for that reason. He had a mild stutter for a while, also. He had speech therapy for a while starting at about your son's age, and speaks just fine now. Get an evaluation if you're worried, it won't hurt and it might tell you something you need to know. Speech therapy was kind of fun, he enjoyed it and we always made it our together time that day. He was kind of sad when he didn't need it anymore.
posted by emjaybee at 7:53 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 7:53 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have not had a chance to read all the responses yet, but I am putting in a big vote to just let him be! I could tell you about our experience with our two kids, both of whom were late talkers, but I need to get back to work, so for now, I'll just start with my oldest, who is currently age 25.
Our oldest had six words at age 18 months. I was worried about this, and spoke with our pediatrician. He strongly advised not worrying at that point. I don't actually recall when our son started talking more, but he was definitely well caught up by the time he started school. I feel very funny saying this, because it sounds like bragging, but he basically got straight A's all throughout school, until college. In college, he started getting some B's, but was still on Honor Roll for every semester. He is now planning to apply to grad school, in biomedical engineering.
So yeah, stop worrying at this point. Your kiddo sounds like a very bright little boy, and I imagine he is picking up on the pressure to perform with words, which I think would explain his resistance. You can always have him evaluated by a speech therapist (we did that with our other child, now 23, at age 2 1/2 -- I might try to post about that later), but I think you should wait until he is at least 2 years old before you do that, and again, just relax about his speech.
Just my two cents, based on no expertise other than experience with our two kids -- who are in their twenties now, and big, big talkers!
posted by merejane at 8:26 AM on May 26, 2015
Our oldest had six words at age 18 months. I was worried about this, and spoke with our pediatrician. He strongly advised not worrying at that point. I don't actually recall when our son started talking more, but he was definitely well caught up by the time he started school. I feel very funny saying this, because it sounds like bragging, but he basically got straight A's all throughout school, until college. In college, he started getting some B's, but was still on Honor Roll for every semester. He is now planning to apply to grad school, in biomedical engineering.
So yeah, stop worrying at this point. Your kiddo sounds like a very bright little boy, and I imagine he is picking up on the pressure to perform with words, which I think would explain his resistance. You can always have him evaluated by a speech therapist (we did that with our other child, now 23, at age 2 1/2 -- I might try to post about that later), but I think you should wait until he is at least 2 years old before you do that, and again, just relax about his speech.
Just my two cents, based on no expertise other than experience with our two kids -- who are in their twenties now, and big, big talkers!
posted by merejane at 8:26 AM on May 26, 2015
Check his tonsils. My nephew wouldn't talk much, turned out tonsil problems & ear infections were making it painful for him to talk and the ear infections actually made it so like your child he didn't pronounce things clearly as he was saying what he was hearing which was muffled and he was copying it the best he could.
The tonsil/ear problem didn't show in any other way as he didn't show any outward signs of pain or discomfort until he happened to have a flare up & was with my SIL at the doctors with another problem & the Doc picked it up. He had his tonsils out at 3 and he caught up all his language skills in a few months.
posted by wwax at 8:28 AM on May 26, 2015
The tonsil/ear problem didn't show in any other way as he didn't show any outward signs of pain or discomfort until he happened to have a flare up & was with my SIL at the doctors with another problem & the Doc picked it up. He had his tonsils out at 3 and he caught up all his language skills in a few months.
posted by wwax at 8:28 AM on May 26, 2015
There are little things you'll learn like how to encourage talking by adding some resistance (but not so much they get frustrated)
I was with my niece last week, when a toy got taken away from her. Her response: "That <pause> That <pause> Want that <pause> I want that."
First time I've heard her string three words together. If "that" and a wave gets you want you want, why work harder?
posted by Leon at 9:14 AM on May 26, 2015
I was with my niece last week, when a toy got taken away from her. Her response: "That <pause> That <pause> Want that <pause> I want that."
First time I've heard her string three words together. If "that" and a wave gets you want you want, why work harder?
posted by Leon at 9:14 AM on May 26, 2015
I would err on the side of an evaluation as others have suggested. My son was much the same way, and our practitioner wasn't concerned despite the fact that I was concerned. By 2.5 years he still wasn't saying words or speaking in sentences though he was babbling strings of consonants and vowels together. He had a lot to say, but we couldn't understand him. By the time we went through EI, he only had three months of it. By the time all the school and private evals were done, there was only a month left to the school year. So he started in the intensive summer preschool program through the public schools instead of attending the preschool during the school year. But had we gotten the evals done earlier, he could have stated in the preschool six months earlier than he had.
He was diagnosed with autism, and three years later he's thriving and in many ways you'd never know until you know him.
If you get an evaluation and everything's fine, you're no worse off than you are now and you may even get some strategies to help you out.
If you get an evaluation and your concerns are confirmed, you're even better off than now because the door to services will open up, and the earlier the intervention, the better.
In no way do you lose regardless of the outcome.
posted by zizzle at 9:58 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
He was diagnosed with autism, and three years later he's thriving and in many ways you'd never know until you know him.
If you get an evaluation and everything's fine, you're no worse off than you are now and you may even get some strategies to help you out.
If you get an evaluation and your concerns are confirmed, you're even better off than now because the door to services will open up, and the earlier the intervention, the better.
In no way do you lose regardless of the outcome.
posted by zizzle at 9:58 AM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would also suggest you get a speech evaluation; it won't hurt and can only help. I would also advise setting this up now. My doctor and I agreed that if my son wasn't speaking by two, we'd get him evaluated. So at his two-year appointment, I asked for the referral. There was a three-month wait list for the evaluation, and then it took another three months to get on the schedule with a speech therapist. So while my plan was to start speech therapy at two if need be, the reality of the situation meant a six-month delay, which was annoying.
My son will be three in August, and we've been doing weekly therapy for about three months I think. He has fun there, just plays with toys while the therapist gets him to say things and observes him and gives me advice on what to work on at home. It's a low stress, low pressure situation and talking to a professional can give you peace of mind as well as strategies for talking at home and what targets he should be hitting (saying "I," when adding in other pieces of grammar is expected, how to model this). His speech came along in leaps and bounds this past spring, and now he is no longer considered to have a delay. We still having things to work on, particularly with his peers, but I'm very happy with the decision to pursue speech therapy.
Yes, everyone is probably right and he will probably just start talking when he is ready. But at the same time with speech delays come social delays, and other frustrations, and when there is no drawback to working with a professional I don't see why waiting is particularly useful. They may even detect a problem you weren't familiar with. Our therapist thinks my son may have a mild form of childhood apraxia of speech, which is a motor speech disorder. That wasn't really on my radar, and while it freaked me out a bit, having that knowledge is helpful in figuring out how to help him.
Best of luck, I know how it feels when you are waiting for the talking to come. For my part my spouse added a lot of unnecessary anxiety to the equation and I wish I didn't have to deal with that on top of trying to help my son. It sounds like you have a supportive environment at home, and you spend lots of time just enjoying your time with your son and having fun. That's so important. Feel free to memail me if you want to vent or have any questions.
posted by JenMarie at 10:17 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
My son will be three in August, and we've been doing weekly therapy for about three months I think. He has fun there, just plays with toys while the therapist gets him to say things and observes him and gives me advice on what to work on at home. It's a low stress, low pressure situation and talking to a professional can give you peace of mind as well as strategies for talking at home and what targets he should be hitting (saying "I," when adding in other pieces of grammar is expected, how to model this). His speech came along in leaps and bounds this past spring, and now he is no longer considered to have a delay. We still having things to work on, particularly with his peers, but I'm very happy with the decision to pursue speech therapy.
Yes, everyone is probably right and he will probably just start talking when he is ready. But at the same time with speech delays come social delays, and other frustrations, and when there is no drawback to working with a professional I don't see why waiting is particularly useful. They may even detect a problem you weren't familiar with. Our therapist thinks my son may have a mild form of childhood apraxia of speech, which is a motor speech disorder. That wasn't really on my radar, and while it freaked me out a bit, having that knowledge is helpful in figuring out how to help him.
Best of luck, I know how it feels when you are waiting for the talking to come. For my part my spouse added a lot of unnecessary anxiety to the equation and I wish I didn't have to deal with that on top of trying to help my son. It sounds like you have a supportive environment at home, and you spend lots of time just enjoying your time with your son and having fun. That's so important. Feel free to memail me if you want to vent or have any questions.
posted by JenMarie at 10:17 AM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
My 19 month old son sounds lot like your little one. He's got a speech therapist and we all love her. She comes to our house for free as part of an early intervention program in Philadelphia, so it's super easy. He's been developing a bit more quickly in his speech since she came into his life about a month ago and sometimes I wonder if he would have gotten to this point anyway, but there's nothing negative about the experience for him so I'm glad we went for it.
The things she's taught me probably seem obvious to most people, but I needed the help. Here are a few of the things we've been doing:
- keep it simple and only use a couple words at a time "More milk?" "Get the ball."
- show him pictures of family and say everybody's names while pointing at them.
- when teaching him to say animal names and sounds, we hold a little wooden or stuffed animal up to our mouths while saying it so he sees how our mouths move.
- sing songs like itsy bitsy spider and ring around the rosy and really do the movements with gusto!
- when he sounds like he's saying something that could be a word, try to say out loud what you think he's saying. When he says "buhbuh" I say "bubbles?" and when he says "muh" I say "more?" When I'm not right, he shakes his head no and I try again.
- try different tones of voice. My son didn't respond to his name when I used a higher pitched voice. He likes lower tones.
I also agree with the above poster who mentioned that you have a sense about these kinds of things since you know your kid best. I think if I were you (because I guess I was actually) I would just get an evaluation done and then I'd feel like I did everything I could.
Good luck with everything! I'm happy to memail if you want to talk more about any of this stuff!
posted by smirkyfodder at 10:36 AM on May 26, 2015
The things she's taught me probably seem obvious to most people, but I needed the help. Here are a few of the things we've been doing:
- keep it simple and only use a couple words at a time "More milk?" "Get the ball."
- show him pictures of family and say everybody's names while pointing at them.
- when teaching him to say animal names and sounds, we hold a little wooden or stuffed animal up to our mouths while saying it so he sees how our mouths move.
- sing songs like itsy bitsy spider and ring around the rosy and really do the movements with gusto!
- when he sounds like he's saying something that could be a word, try to say out loud what you think he's saying. When he says "buhbuh" I say "bubbles?" and when he says "muh" I say "more?" When I'm not right, he shakes his head no and I try again.
- try different tones of voice. My son didn't respond to his name when I used a higher pitched voice. He likes lower tones.
I also agree with the above poster who mentioned that you have a sense about these kinds of things since you know your kid best. I think if I were you (because I guess I was actually) I would just get an evaluation done and then I'd feel like I did everything I could.
Good luck with everything! I'm happy to memail if you want to talk more about any of this stuff!
posted by smirkyfodder at 10:36 AM on May 26, 2015
If you are waiting for an EI evaluation and want to do a little something, you could consider using the Hanen book It Takes Two to Talk which walks you through some ways to increase your toddler's language production. It seems really simplistic on the surface but as you use it, you'll find it's really effective. As the parent of an almost 3-yo with language delays, I'd recommend at least an assessment through EI. SLPs vary in quality and experience with toddlers, though.
posted by bluebelle at 1:32 PM on May 26, 2015
posted by bluebelle at 1:32 PM on May 26, 2015
I agree a developmental assessment would be the best guide. Your intuition has led you to ask this question and to wonder, and I think you should trust that and follow through. My son is now over three and we are having speech therapy (and physical and occupational therapy as well) with him now, but wished we had started earlier. Some things to think about:
Does he have any gross or fine motor skill issues? I was really surprised with the first speech therapy classes, as I figured they would talk to him or make him talk, but instead they were all about manipulation - as the therapist said to me later "speech is the finest motor skill we have, and its learnt by copying. If your child can't copy other gross and fine motor actions, they will have issues learning to speak".
You mention when he does speak, its very soft. Hows his core strength? The volume of speech is driven by muscles that are part of core strength. This is why our son is seeing a physical therapist.
Is your child around other children much? One thing our speech therapist said was "get him in kindergarten or some sort of day schooling as much as possible."
For us, we had a full hearing test (where he had to be unconscious to take it, as it involved electrodes), and a neurological workup (to check there wasn't some sort of brain lesion that all the therapy in the world won't help). Once those were clear we started with the speech therapy, the then OT, then the PT. Like others, I wonder how much that has helped as opposed to putting him in a montessori 5 days a week, but he has progressed a lot in a short space of time, so whether its one of those, a combination, or he would have just developed on his own, I can't say.
Good luck!
posted by Admira at 12:15 AM on May 27, 2015
Does he have any gross or fine motor skill issues? I was really surprised with the first speech therapy classes, as I figured they would talk to him or make him talk, but instead they were all about manipulation - as the therapist said to me later "speech is the finest motor skill we have, and its learnt by copying. If your child can't copy other gross and fine motor actions, they will have issues learning to speak".
You mention when he does speak, its very soft. Hows his core strength? The volume of speech is driven by muscles that are part of core strength. This is why our son is seeing a physical therapist.
Is your child around other children much? One thing our speech therapist said was "get him in kindergarten or some sort of day schooling as much as possible."
For us, we had a full hearing test (where he had to be unconscious to take it, as it involved electrodes), and a neurological workup (to check there wasn't some sort of brain lesion that all the therapy in the world won't help). Once those were clear we started with the speech therapy, the then OT, then the PT. Like others, I wonder how much that has helped as opposed to putting him in a montessori 5 days a week, but he has progressed a lot in a short space of time, so whether its one of those, a combination, or he would have just developed on his own, I can't say.
Good luck!
posted by Admira at 12:15 AM on May 27, 2015
Maybe don't sweat it so much.
Boys take longer than girls to develop language skills. Sometimes a lot longer.
Anecdata: According to my mother, I produced my first intelligible utterance at the age of three and a bit. Now, for better or for worse, I speak and write in several languages.
Anecdata part II: It appears to be a common experience among parents of boys that if the child can get away with having his needs met without conforming to conventional language he will carry on with his own language ("whining and pointing"). Maybe you should occasionally pretend to not understand when he whines and points.
Your pregnancy. Contrary to your fears I would urge you to realize that, far from being a "giant disservice" to your first-born son, this is the very best service you could do for him. His interaction with his future sister or brother will fill and enrich every part of his life. Including language development, of course, but so much more.
For your own peace of mind do seek professional guidance. But my bet would be that there is nothing to worry about.
posted by Pechorin at 3:03 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Boys take longer than girls to develop language skills. Sometimes a lot longer.
Anecdata: According to my mother, I produced my first intelligible utterance at the age of three and a bit. Now, for better or for worse, I speak and write in several languages.
Anecdata part II: It appears to be a common experience among parents of boys that if the child can get away with having his needs met without conforming to conventional language he will carry on with his own language ("whining and pointing"). Maybe you should occasionally pretend to not understand when he whines and points.
Your pregnancy. Contrary to your fears I would urge you to realize that, far from being a "giant disservice" to your first-born son, this is the very best service you could do for him. His interaction with his future sister or brother will fill and enrich every part of his life. Including language development, of course, but so much more.
For your own peace of mind do seek professional guidance. But my bet would be that there is nothing to worry about.
posted by Pechorin at 3:03 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Ugh, this is embarrassing, especially since I've pondered posting this AskMe for the last two months, and everyone took the time to write such nice answers... but today while reading books he said "ball" and "ock-puh" for octopus (wtf? of all the words.. kids are sooo weird), so I think I'll hold off on speech therapy and hope that he keeps this up. I'll just tell myself that asking this question caused some sort of weird karmic event so that my worrying had at least some purpose.
posted by gatorae at 8:08 PM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by gatorae at 8:08 PM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
"ock-puh" for octopus (wtf? of all the words.. kids are sooo weird)
Family lore has it that when I was about his age, an elephant was a "woosent".
posted by flabdablet at 9:53 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Family lore has it that when I was about his age, an elephant was a "woosent".
posted by flabdablet at 9:53 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Congrats on the new words. Toddler-mangled vocab is the best. My favorite toddlerese items from my son this week are memawmon (watermelon), dado (tunnel), capeecoo (tricycle), cooger (scooter), doo shit (new shirt !!), bay eee kuck (fire truck), deenken (drinking), and BADAAAAA (banana). I just want to reassure you that any consistent utterance that means something to the child IS A WORD and totally officially counts. Pronunciation comes later!
posted by Cygnet at 4:55 PM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Cygnet at 4:55 PM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
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YMMV.
posted by jbenben at 9:14 PM on May 25, 2015