What can I tell myself to keep from complaining @ work?

May 16, 2015 3:13 PM

I intend to leave my job in a few months. I would like to bite my lip and suck up any stupid stuff until then. Unfortunately, I have instead been complaining to my managers (never to fellow employees). I feel like I'm showing my hand for no reason and it's undignified. Next time, when I'm talking to my manager and feel frustrated, what are some things (mantras, poetry, general rational thoughts) I could tell myself to keep my thoughts to myself even if I'm certain it won't affect my employment?
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (16 answers total)

Helpful critiques in a dignified way is certainly allowable, and most healthy organizations have a way for receiving constructive feedback. This is in part what an exit interview is for, as well (in theory). So, a healthy workplace should want to hear about improvement. I hear you in terms of perhaps wanting to just bide your time and leave without burning bridges. However, if you feel that there is a constructive way to share about improvements, I would encourage you to not think about being quiet, but on how to refine your approach. However: approach, tone, and pacing is always important when you try to figure out a support/criticism ratio. Too much negativity can cloud the benefit of genuine constructive suggestions.

If you feel that you absolutely cannot do this, though, one mantra that is helpful for me: sometimes good enough is good enough. If it's just stupid stuff that isn't taking the organization down, isn't immoral, and life goes on as normal, I would probably repeat something like this while reminding myself that I have no ongoing and permanent stake in the future of the organization. It's okay to not champion every cause in the world, and perhaps your workplace could be relegated to one of those other myriad of things that you do not give your constructive energy towards.
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:27 PM on May 16, 2015

"Don't be That Guy".
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 3:33 PM on May 16, 2015

Your workday -- and your tenure at this job -- is composed of a finite number of seconds. When you find yourself unable to deal with work without complaining, stop, take a deep breath, ad say to yourself, "There goes another one." You are now one measurable amount closer to all these things no longer being your problem.
posted by Etrigan at 3:55 PM on May 16, 2015

"How much will [x complaint] matter in a year?"

If the answer is "lots" - if you see a safety hazard or identify an impending technological problem that might actually cause people lives or work to be significantly disrupted, say so.

If nobody cares but you, and you're out of there soon, it matters none. Don't waste your breath.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:09 PM on May 16, 2015

Not exactly a mantra, but you do you know the saying: "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig"?

I often repeat this to myself in similar moments.
posted by frumiousb at 4:12 PM on May 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

“Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.”

―Micahel Corleone, Godfather III
posted by invisible ink at 4:24 PM on May 16, 2015 [4 favorites]

The one that works for me when I'm frustrated with having to do something stupid is "It all pays the same." Stupid stuff, exciting stuff, important work, busy work - it all pays the same.

Longer term, I just don't think complaining is effective, so it's kind of pointless. I don't actually mind if my people are frustrated/dissatisfied/think I'm stupid from time to time. Happens to everyone. What I like, though, is if they tell me what they DO want, not just what they don't like. Make a plan and tell me how it will work. Maybe I can say yes, but don't have time to do all the homework thinking about it. Or, maybe you'll realize that I'm not stupid; it's harder than it looks when you have to think about how it affects other people outside our group.

Also, "be the change you want to see." Do you really need my permission? What's your goal in complaining to me? Make me feel bad? See "tell me what you DO want" above.
posted by ctmf at 4:49 PM on May 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I intend to leave my job in a few months.

Do you have the new job/school/vacation/sabbatical/whatever lined up? Put something prominent on your desk that you will see several times a day to remind you that this will all be behind you shortly. What about some automated app that sends you a daily email with a countdown or reminder (something ultra discrete if it's your work email). 21 days from now, you'll have formed the new habit of stopping and thinking "Let it go. This will all be behind me soon."

Good luck with your new job/school/vacation/sabbatical/whatever!
posted by Beti at 5:05 PM on May 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Every job I have ever had, I have come up in the ranks very quickly, been promoted and given raises, worked very hard, etc. Then you hit a wall, where you realize it's a system. Your managers are in that same system. And I have realized that I am just a body and I am so replaceable. If I left suddenly, they would replace me.

You are so replaceable. Remember that. No matter what you say to your managers, you could be another person in the same job, and if you quit tomorrow, they would replace you with someone else.

That is not the same as giving positive feedback and coming up with ideas. I was really proud to be part of several Six Sigma teams and not only helped write the book, I participated in Six Sigma environments. I was even at another company when they gave us a Six Sigma green belt and while I did roll my eyes, I participated and went through the process, even tho' I could see he was green indeed. He did have some wicked good Excel skills, even if his interpersonal skills left something to be desired. And I did what I had to do until I could do it no more (did get a wicked cool Six Sigma duffel bag, tho').

I think... while you are there, think about what you could add to these manager's experience. What help you could give them. What positive feedback and ideas. Write them down. And then only talk about them about 1/10th of the time. Because you are not going to change the system, but you want to be remembered as the person who was positive, tried to help improve things, and always had a good word to say about others. After all, you aren't going to be there very long, so why not help out your fellow cubicle jockeys while you are there?

I don't remember the companies fondly: I remember my fellow co-workers very fondly, however. I met some really fantastic people, from all around the globe, people who came up to me and said how much they liked my Mae West and Oscar Wilde quotes at the bottom of my emails, invited me to China and India, gave me gifts (so many gifts!), brought me things, thanked me, even the s/w engineers who gleefully came up to my desk and showed me the demotivational posters in 1999, hee. How to beat a dead horse in meetings 12 times over. We did some fun stuff together, and despite the craziness, I will always remember my co-workers and not the managers, who must be going through their own sort of personal hell in such a system.

I think the best you can do is bite your tongue unless you have something good to say or some positive feedback to give. It's not their fault, they are just like you, trying to make a living, so keep your head down and do your work in the best manner you can until you move on. Try to make someone smile every day, and go home and mark an X on the calendar. Six Sigma!!!
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:43 PM on May 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

Write lengthy complaining emails to your managers. Don't send them.
posted by corvine at 6:12 PM on May 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

Write lengthy complaining emails to your managers. Don't send them.

This is a good idea, but I'll add one caveat: Don't put their names in the TO: field, so when you absentmindedly hit "Send" at the end of the email...
posted by Etrigan at 7:14 PM on May 16, 2015 [3 favorites]

"What are my achievable goals for this conversation?"
posted by heisenberg at 7:55 PM on May 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Take a page from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt:
(a) "You can stand anything for ten seconds."
(b) Chant in your head, "I'm not really here! I'm not really here!" Or alternately, "I'm only here for so long!"

Or alternately (c) head out to the bathroom/break room/wherever to blow off steam.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:00 PM on May 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I think it was Jessamyn who mentioned the cue W. A. I. T: why am I talking? I have started writing it in big block letter in front of me at my monthly program meetings-helps remind me to shut my damn mouth unless there's a good reason to say something or I'm really contributing in a positive way.
posted by purenitrous at 7:27 AM on May 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Any time I think about complaining about my job I remember how grateful I was to get the job offer in the first place. That gets harder the longer you've been at your job, but I went through a long spell of unemployment and remember how much worse that sucked than anything I deal with currently. Maybe at one point you really needed this job, and can be thankful you had it when you needed it?
posted by estelahe at 3:26 PM on May 17, 2015

I have these fire mints. I keep them in my pocket. When I think I'm about to say something - like a meeting when something ridiculous is being said, I take three and pop them in my mouth and feel the burn to remind me to keep my mouth shut. I can go through a whole container in about a week.

Totally. Helps.

PS: I eat three - not one - but three - because you really can't open your mouth without spilling something out. That really helps you keep your mouth shut.
posted by It's a Parasox at 5:48 PM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]