If I'm not bemused, what am I?

May 11, 2015 4:49 PM

Bemused: I do not think it means what you think it means. So what word does?

Okay, so the real definition of "bemused" is confused or bewildered, but pretty much everyone associates it with a sense of wry amusement, like the way you feel when a drunk friend is talking gibberish and has no idea how silly she sounds but you really can't blame her for it. I can accept that "bemused" is not the correct word for this feeling (although some dictionaries are starting to grudgingly accept it), but my dilemma is that I can't seem to find an acceptable alternative to use instead. Just "amused" isn't quite right because it leaves out the wry part and indicates a more jovial sense of finding something funny or being entertained. So does this word really exist, or are we stuck using "bemused" technically incorrectly until we all just accept that this is what it means now?

posted by Starling to Writing & Language (20 answers total)

Nonplussed?
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 4:52 PM on May 11, 2015

Best answer: Nonplussed also means confused -- it's basically a synonym of bemused.

I've never found a word that - at least commonly - meant what bemused doesn't mean (er, what bemused should mean? or how people use it?). I just add the extra adjective to amused if I want to clarify my amusement.
posted by brainmouse at 4:56 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've never, ever heard or read anyone use "bemused" in the sense you mention. Can you give an example dictionary definition along those lines?
posted by turkeyphant at 5:10 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

What about definition #3 here Merriam-Webster's site, it seems to cover the common usage.

It doesn't appear in to be in the OED, unless it's related to "devoting entirely to the muses"

Could it be an example of living language?
posted by pennypiper at 5:22 PM on May 11, 2015

turkeyphant: "Can you give an example dictionary definition along those lines?"

For the record, the third definition given by Merriam-Webster here seems to match: to cause to have feelings of wry or tolerant amusement. Granted, it's the third definition, but it's there.

And, if my memory of the show Newhart is correct, here's a real-life sighting of this usage in the New York Times:

Ms. Frann was a more or less traditional sitcom wife dropped into the center of these offbeat and bizarre characters. While Mr. Newhart's character was often exasperated by the encounters with eccentricity, Ms. Frann's Joanna was more often bemused by them.

posted by mhum at 5:24 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Merriam-Webster and the American Heritage Dictionary both acknowledge this usage, although their examples aren't terribly illustrative. There's some interesting discussion in the comments on the Merriam-Webster page.
posted by Starling at 5:25 PM on May 11, 2015

This doesn't apply to every situation but I often find people say bemused when they are really just feeling a sense of schadenfreude.
posted by joan_holloway at 5:27 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

It's one of those unfortunate evolution of language things where those who know it's incorrect are forced to accept the new meaning/word with gritted teeth. I'm looking at you, "orientated"...
posted by cecic at 5:37 PM on May 11, 2015 [8 favorites]

"Nonplussed" has the same problem — a lot of people think it means something else.

What's wrong with your definition, "bewildered"?
posted by John Cohen at 6:01 PM on May 11, 2015

I think "amused" is exactly the word you're looking for. I associate it far more with wryness than joviality. I would be confused if someone used the word "bemused" instead.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:03 PM on May 11, 2015 [6 favorites]

cecic: "It's one of those unfortunate evolution of language things where those who know it's incorrect are forced to accept the new meaning/word with gritted teeth. "

Of course, the irony here is that there was a time where applying the definition of "confused" to "bemused" was also considered an incorrect, new meaning. From this Google Books extract of a periodical from 1869:

He was a cockney sportsman after all, and pursued his craft in dull, sleepy waters, and would watch his float bobbing up and down, much bemused in country beer, as his verses testify. Let me remark by the way, that bemused does not mean muddled, as some modern wiseacres seem to imagine, but given to the Muses. It was of rhyming parsons that Pope wrote -- Is there a parson, much bemused in beer -- whose verses, like Izaak's, were inspired by that heady beverage.

In any case, after some cursory and wholly unscientific googling, I'm starting to think that there may be a strong American vs. British usage split on this word, with British usage basically never using the "wryly amused and/or confused" version and American usage using it in a small but noticeable minority of cases (although if we allow this usage, a lot of instances can be ambiguous).
posted by mhum at 6:36 PM on May 11, 2015 [6 favorites]

Tickled?
posted by amro at 6:53 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Here's a recent column from Charlie Pierce for Esquire regarding the Republican presidential candidates that might highlight some issues with proposed alternatives (emph. added):

Spend a week on the nicest pain meds money can buy, and you get something close to a form of clarity on events that go on around you. At the very least, the outrage flattens out into a kind of bemused observation. Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina -- and the Huck! -- have jumped into the race? Cool. What the entire Republican field needed was a neurosurgeon on call. But even in my altered state, the politics of the country seem to have drifted into a place not only of sight and sound, but of mind. There's a sign post up ahead. Your next stop...

Unless I'm mis-reading him, this usage of "bemused" seems to be the "wryly amused/confused" one. Now, let's try some substitutions. I don't think "amused" quite captures the bafflement and confusion. On the other hand, I don't think "bewildered" or "confused" fully captures the detached (?) amusement.
posted by mhum at 6:55 PM on May 11, 2015

Best answer: I never realized until now that I needed a word for wry tolerant amusement. But, now that I do, pennypiper's unearthing Merriam-Webster's definition #3 for bemuse tips the balance. I can't think of any other word that does it. Nonplussed means your eyes open wide. Bewildered means your forehead creases. Amused means you puff air out your nose.

No, there's no other word for that little grin, that darted glance to a companion to see if they share the joke. So I vote to accept this expanded use of bemuse.

It's a reluctant vote. I don't like asking words to bear new meanings. But in this case it's justified.
posted by mono blanco at 7:03 PM on May 11, 2015 [9 favorites]

The word you want is the word that immediately comes to mind: bemused. Depending on context, indulgent might work too. But bemused is the best choice, which is why there is no consensus on a good alternative even among all these well-read native English speakers.

A serious problem with refusing to embrace novel usages is that one can be left speechless, or chewing on some stale cracker of a word that while correct... is deeply unsatisfying.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:56 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

A problem I've noticed with authors using words like "bemused" or "nonplussed" is that, in many contexts, both meanings can make sense and so the text can be read in two opposite ways and it's not actually clear what the author intended.

So, while I have no problem with "bemused" coming to mean wryly amused and "nonplussed" coming to mean unimpressed, I do wish both words would be used more sparingly or carefully in this time of great transition. For what it's worth it seems like both words, and especially "bemused," have started showing up with much greater frequency in writing published in the last decade or two (might be a genre thing). I don't remember coming across either word frequently in older books, though it's not like characters never felt wry amusement back then. So I'd say go ahead and use "bemused," but only where it's really clear that you mean amusement and not confusion. Otherwise, I think there are ways to show what someone's feeling without actually spelling it out with a label (and I think that can make for better writing in general).
posted by mail at 2:41 AM on May 12, 2015

I've never heard 'bemused' used for anything other than a state of mild confusion either. I would use 'tickled'.
posted by mippy at 2:55 AM on May 12, 2015 [2 favorites]

I think the word's current ambiguity actually increases its appropriateness. It's hard to account for the future path the language will take when writing, but for the scenario described in the OP, I would actually want a word that has connotations of both wryly amused and confused, since part of the wry amusement is coming from the nonsensical behavior of your friend.

In the same way, I would probably avoid "bewildered" in this case, since the origins of the term are somewhat sinister... it is related to the older verb wilder, which means someone intentionally leading you astray.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 9:49 AM on May 12, 2015

Response by poster: Tentatively giving the best answer award to mono blanco for nailing the concept I'm trying to get across and the subtle distinctions between related feelings. I'm still not thrilled about the idea of just using bemused as-is, knowing that it would invite criticism from language purists and probably actually bemuse (see what I did there) people who aren't familiar with this meaning of the word. But I can see where at a certain point a word will mean what people use it to mean, and it's probably not worth fighting against that if you can just use it and be on your way.

Honorable mention to brainmouse for the idea of just finding another way to express the feeling or adding an appropriate modifier to "amused."
posted by Starling at 10:40 AM on May 12, 2015

I would like to throw "bamboozled" into the mix, mostly because it's a great word that rarely gets an airing, plus it seemed apt (pun intended) for your drunk friend example.

Its second common definition (the first being to be tricked, deceived, hoodwinked) fits the idea of being perplexed or mystified, and it's a silly enough sounding word to maybe encompass the idea that it's not really intended as a criticism of the target.

I was interested to read that it's never really had its etymology satisfactorily explained.
posted by protorp at 1:46 PM on May 12, 2015