house hunting / living style to pursue as an introverted remote worker
May 5, 2015 4:39 PM Subscribe
I work from home and have an opportunity to move soon. I enjoy fresh starts and wondering about buying a house in the sticks somewhere and living the good life. I've recently cut my last geographic tie, and after a spell travelling, wondering if anyone has some insight/anecdata into living styles that might suit someone for whom commute is not an issue.
I'm in the UK, 35, single, but very interested in general perspectives. I'll probably rent for a couple of months with the hope to buy asap.
Food - I like eating out and nice food shops. And I'm drawn to busy areas in cities for this reason. I'm pretty lazy and don't cook much. But i rarely use any other facilities other than food outlets. I'm wondering if I could grow some food and break the habit.
Travel - I've always lived city centre, and stay within 300m of my house. So I don't need a car. This feels immobilising. Maybe if I lived in the middle of nowhere I would go to more places?
Dating - One reason I've lived in cities before is for dating, but I feel like if i'm going to live somewhere for 5 years, I should pick somewhere on my own terms, so perhaps i should not factor into this. I'm a bit worried about being out of place though if i move out of the city.
Social - I feel much pressure to live in cities, as I'm quite reclusive so feel like I should make an effort to live somewhere a social life could be possible. I see old friends once every week or so, but otherwise keep to myself. I'm starting to wonder if these sporadic interactions are worth the noise of the city. Perhaps these interactions are undervalued? Many friends are moving away too though with families so it's less of an issue.
buy/rent - i know i don't 'have' to buy, but I'm excited about the new experience of caring for a house, and it is within means.
Work - i just need fairly decent internet. I've tried coworking places etc, and though working at home is maddening in some ways, I have accepted it as the best solution for me.
nomadism - i really enjoyed hopping around 3 month airbnbs but feel like the only way i can build a meaningful home and relationship is by driving down some roots somewhere, and that whilst fine for some, i need the stabilty.
Sorry for the chatty question, hope this passes the chatfilter threshold!
I'm in the UK, 35, single, but very interested in general perspectives. I'll probably rent for a couple of months with the hope to buy asap.
Food - I like eating out and nice food shops. And I'm drawn to busy areas in cities for this reason. I'm pretty lazy and don't cook much. But i rarely use any other facilities other than food outlets. I'm wondering if I could grow some food and break the habit.
Travel - I've always lived city centre, and stay within 300m of my house. So I don't need a car. This feels immobilising. Maybe if I lived in the middle of nowhere I would go to more places?
Dating - One reason I've lived in cities before is for dating, but I feel like if i'm going to live somewhere for 5 years, I should pick somewhere on my own terms, so perhaps i should not factor into this. I'm a bit worried about being out of place though if i move out of the city.
Social - I feel much pressure to live in cities, as I'm quite reclusive so feel like I should make an effort to live somewhere a social life could be possible. I see old friends once every week or so, but otherwise keep to myself. I'm starting to wonder if these sporadic interactions are worth the noise of the city. Perhaps these interactions are undervalued? Many friends are moving away too though with families so it's less of an issue.
buy/rent - i know i don't 'have' to buy, but I'm excited about the new experience of caring for a house, and it is within means.
Work - i just need fairly decent internet. I've tried coworking places etc, and though working at home is maddening in some ways, I have accepted it as the best solution for me.
nomadism - i really enjoyed hopping around 3 month airbnbs but feel like the only way i can build a meaningful home and relationship is by driving down some roots somewhere, and that whilst fine for some, i need the stabilty.
Sorry for the chatty question, hope this passes the chatfilter threshold!
Moving literally to the sticks when you're working from home sounds like a recipe for miserable isolation. How far would you want to have to drive to see other people? How often would you do it in reality? Are you sure you want the expense and hassle of a car as a necessity, rather than just an option?
posted by metasarah at 5:15 PM on May 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by metasarah at 5:15 PM on May 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
Travel - I've always lived city centre, and stay within 300m of my house. So I don't need a car. This feels immobilising. Maybe if I lived in the middle of nowhere I would go to more places?
It might be a bit different in the UK, but in the US, moving to the middle of nowhere means you have to have a car to go anywhere, otherwise you are largely trapped at home. If you live in a big city and can get all your needs met within 300m of your house and are used to walking everywhere and mostly do not cook, I think going to the middle of nowhere is likely to be a really hard transition. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but it will be drastically different from how you currently live.
So I will suggest that you either visit a more rural area before you decide to buy a house outside of a city center or you at least try cooking at home more. Most likely, if you live in the middle of nowhere, you will have to cook for yourself more often than not. I lived on a tiny isolated military base for a time, and cooking more was one of the things I was forced to do. If that is a deal breaker for you, then country life may not be your thing.
posted by Michele in California at 5:40 PM on May 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
It might be a bit different in the UK, but in the US, moving to the middle of nowhere means you have to have a car to go anywhere, otherwise you are largely trapped at home. If you live in a big city and can get all your needs met within 300m of your house and are used to walking everywhere and mostly do not cook, I think going to the middle of nowhere is likely to be a really hard transition. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but it will be drastically different from how you currently live.
So I will suggest that you either visit a more rural area before you decide to buy a house outside of a city center or you at least try cooking at home more. Most likely, if you live in the middle of nowhere, you will have to cook for yourself more often than not. I lived on a tiny isolated military base for a time, and cooking more was one of the things I was forced to do. If that is a deal breaker for you, then country life may not be your thing.
posted by Michele in California at 5:40 PM on May 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's counter-intuitive but my experience has been that it's much easier to enjoy solitude and anonymity in the city compared to in the sticks. Out in the world, people rely on each other much more, and as a result know each other quite well even if they don't see each other every day/week. In the city, people rely on systems and infrastructure and municipal programs rather than individual people.
posted by headnsouth at 5:51 PM on May 5, 2015 [7 favorites]
I'm wondering if I could grow some food and break the habit.Go ahead and rent a place in the hinterlands for the duration of a growing season and see if you do this. Then buy out there, or move back to the city, depending.
posted by headnsouth at 5:51 PM on May 5, 2015 [7 favorites]
Find somewhere beautiful to live, with natural scenery that speaks to you and inspires you. Get to know the area by taking long walks.
posted by mareli at 6:22 PM on May 5, 2015
posted by mareli at 6:22 PM on May 5, 2015
I work from home, and my home is a large lakeside home with spectacular views. Being here gives me great peace, and I am often found out on the lake, kayaking or paddling all year round, and swimming in the summer. Neighbors come by in their boats, and the lake lifestyle is open and social -- in the summer. In the long winter months, it's lonely and dark and cold, and I never see the neighbors at all. However I live with my daughter, a dog, and two cats, so my home is a buzz of activity when she is not at school.
I'm about a ten-minute drive from the edge of the nearest town, and a twenty-minute drive from most places in that town. I'm at least an hour and a half from a major city. I am social, 48, and have a lot of friends through my daughter's school, which I drive to almost every day, and through other activities that I also drive to daily, weekly, or monthly. I'm here because my husband walked out on us, so I didn't choose this with my current lifestyle in mind, and although I truly love it here, it isn't the best place for me now that I'm single. I sometimes get so sick of driving, although this is definitely in a large part because I drive my daughter so often. Having a child also means I am forced to go out every day and interact with people, which helps me not actually be lonely here. On the other hand, if I lived alone, I'd have a damn miserable time needing to drive just to have human company, and without some reason to force me out, I could see myself having to create a somewhat artificial structure to compel me to get out and interact.
Still, one advantage of living in a large, beautiful home in a special location is that people are willing to come to me. I can call my friends and invite them over, and they'll often come at the drop of a hat. This only works if you have friends with cars, though. But being able to offer them a lovely place to spend an evening is very enticing, and I love having them over to entertain. Oddly, when my husband lived here, it was a lot harder to get people to come by. I think being alone makes people more interested in coming over, because it seems more cozy and intimate. Or maybe they just didn't like my husband.
Some of the rural places in England where I've lived or visited have facilitated lots of social interaction: small villages, places with walking trails that go by pubs or are well used, any place along a beachfront. Others have been a real bar to social interaction: a farm surrounded by sheep grazing land, a house on a cliff. Where exactly you live in the sticks can vary tremendously. I could envision myself happily living in a small village, or just outside one, which seems like just the right mix of being out of the city and not alone in the country.
There is no way I could ever grow enough food to feed myself where I live, in the Pacific Northwest of the US, and I'd guess most places in the UK are that way too. The growing season is just too short that far north. I would absolutely not count on that happening. Even full time farmers shop at the market. But having a lovely little cottage garden is an incredible source of happiness, nesting, grounding. It won't be a pleasure if you feel forced to grow, grow, grow or starve!
Trial by renting seems a good option for you, as you're apparently entirely new to the idea of being out of a town. You might absolutely love the quiet beauty, the chance to hear yourself think, connecting to the land and the locals, bringing your friends and especially their new children into your fold. You might go mad needing to drive to get anything, having to plan your social life carefully, having few chance encounters. You might find yourself getting a pet and talking to it. You might love it in the summer and hate it in the winter. Renting is a good way to try things out, to see if the general proposition is a good one, and if the specific location is too.
I'd recommend looking for a place that does offer chance social encounters, as I mentioned above. Well-trod paths, a nearby pub, a local village, a shoreline. This can give you the best of both worlds.
posted by Capri at 6:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm about a ten-minute drive from the edge of the nearest town, and a twenty-minute drive from most places in that town. I'm at least an hour and a half from a major city. I am social, 48, and have a lot of friends through my daughter's school, which I drive to almost every day, and through other activities that I also drive to daily, weekly, or monthly. I'm here because my husband walked out on us, so I didn't choose this with my current lifestyle in mind, and although I truly love it here, it isn't the best place for me now that I'm single. I sometimes get so sick of driving, although this is definitely in a large part because I drive my daughter so often. Having a child also means I am forced to go out every day and interact with people, which helps me not actually be lonely here. On the other hand, if I lived alone, I'd have a damn miserable time needing to drive just to have human company, and without some reason to force me out, I could see myself having to create a somewhat artificial structure to compel me to get out and interact.
Still, one advantage of living in a large, beautiful home in a special location is that people are willing to come to me. I can call my friends and invite them over, and they'll often come at the drop of a hat. This only works if you have friends with cars, though. But being able to offer them a lovely place to spend an evening is very enticing, and I love having them over to entertain. Oddly, when my husband lived here, it was a lot harder to get people to come by. I think being alone makes people more interested in coming over, because it seems more cozy and intimate. Or maybe they just didn't like my husband.
Some of the rural places in England where I've lived or visited have facilitated lots of social interaction: small villages, places with walking trails that go by pubs or are well used, any place along a beachfront. Others have been a real bar to social interaction: a farm surrounded by sheep grazing land, a house on a cliff. Where exactly you live in the sticks can vary tremendously. I could envision myself happily living in a small village, or just outside one, which seems like just the right mix of being out of the city and not alone in the country.
There is no way I could ever grow enough food to feed myself where I live, in the Pacific Northwest of the US, and I'd guess most places in the UK are that way too. The growing season is just too short that far north. I would absolutely not count on that happening. Even full time farmers shop at the market. But having a lovely little cottage garden is an incredible source of happiness, nesting, grounding. It won't be a pleasure if you feel forced to grow, grow, grow or starve!
Trial by renting seems a good option for you, as you're apparently entirely new to the idea of being out of a town. You might absolutely love the quiet beauty, the chance to hear yourself think, connecting to the land and the locals, bringing your friends and especially their new children into your fold. You might go mad needing to drive to get anything, having to plan your social life carefully, having few chance encounters. You might find yourself getting a pet and talking to it. You might love it in the summer and hate it in the winter. Renting is a good way to try things out, to see if the general proposition is a good one, and if the specific location is too.
I'd recommend looking for a place that does offer chance social encounters, as I mentioned above. Well-trod paths, a nearby pub, a local village, a shoreline. This can give you the best of both worlds.
posted by Capri at 6:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Check out Nomad List! It's centered around the best places to live and work remotely - super useful ratings, forums, social events, etc.
posted by rada at 8:21 AM on May 6, 2015
posted by rada at 8:21 AM on May 6, 2015
Boy, there sure are a lot of repetitions of "should I choose something I find uncomfortable, because then I'll have no choice but to work against my personality, and it will force me to change myself for the better" in your list.
One time I thought "I'm introverted so I'll move to a fraternity house and then I'll have to become extraverted." This idea never works.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 12:02 AM on May 8, 2015
One time I thought "I'm introverted so I'll move to a fraternity house and then I'll have to become extraverted." This idea never works.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 12:02 AM on May 8, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by three_red_balloons at 4:57 PM on May 5, 2015 [2 favorites]