Looking at people's mouths when they are speaking?

April 10, 2015 10:25 PM

Is this weird? I notice I tend to look at people's mouths when they are speaking to me. When I catch myself doing it, I try to look them in the eyes more, but for some reason I just find my eyes are drawn to someone's mouth when they are talking to me. I'm not sure if they notice it or not or how much I actually do it.

I've had to interview and talk to a lot of people as part of my job and this is something I have always done a lot. I also tend to think staring directly into someone's eyes too long can be a little intense or weird, so maybe that's why I tend to look at people's mouths. I'm not hard of hearing and trying to read lips. Do you think people notice it? Is this weird behavior? Should I train myself not to do it? How might I do that? Just curious if I come across like some sort of freak.

posted by peachpie to Human Relations (21 answers total)

Best answer: I think this falls under the normal range of behavior for where to look when chatting. Unless you're standing only a few inches from someone, it would be hard for them to tell you weren't generically looking at *them* -- eyes, nose, mouth. I just measured -- from my pupil to the corner of my mouth (neutral visage), it was exactly 3 inches. Looking from my eyes to my mouth would be like flicking your eyes from the top to the middle of a page in a book -- pretty much unnoticeable unless you were having a DEEPLY meaningful conversaton. Certainly, if you're looking at a person's mouth from any reasonable distance (that is, you're not about to be smooching), then their eyes are in your upper peripheral vision -- so you'll see if they wink or squint -- and that's enough. And yes, staring incessantly is off-putting.

Plus maybe you're helping yourself with regard to the McGurk Effect. I wouldn't worry about this.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:19 PM on April 10, 2015

How's your hearing. One of my regular lunch companions will sometimes hold his hand in front of his mouth while he's talking, and I can't understand what he's saying. You may be unconsciously trying to lip read.
posted by Bruce H. at 3:53 AM on April 11, 2015 [10 favorites]

I do tend to look at people's mouths when they talk as well and I assume it's partly because I find making eye contact is weirdly intense. However, I would not discount that you're reading lips. When learning languages, I've always gone through a stage where it's easiest to understand people facing you, precisely because I am unconsciously taking cues from their lips.
posted by hoyland at 5:05 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I do the exact same thing and I've also wondered why I do it.

I'm not hard of hearing, but I do wonder if I'm unconsciously looking for a little extra clarifying help when listening to someone.

I also feel the same way about you in terms of staring at someone's eyes. When I make a conscious effort to do so, I feel that I'm being uncomfortably intense/aggressive.

So, I have no idea how common it is, but wanted to say that I'm right there with you.
posted by JimBJ9 at 5:54 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I've thought about this too and I think as long as you are also making enough eye contact it's ok.

According to Alan Bennett, "We are all either a mouth looker or an eye-looker". (Source: Love, Nina.)
posted by paduasoy at 6:13 AM on April 11, 2015

Do you think people notice it?

Probably not. And if they do, they probably don't give it much notice.

Is this weird behavior?

No. Weird is moving your lips along with their words. I knew a guy who did that.

Should I train myself not to do it?

No, it's fine. This is within the normal range of interpersonal behavior and nobody is going to (even privately) criticize you for it. Most people are too concentrated on the inside of their own heads to notice your idiosyncrasies, if this even counts as one.
posted by General Tonic at 7:03 AM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Oh, hey. I do this too. Never worried about it. But I can tell when the sound on TV shows isn't synced quite right...
posted by leahwrenn at 7:05 AM on April 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I do it for two reasons:

1. Eye contact is uncomfortable to me. I have problems judging what's normal, what's shifty, and what's flat out staring.

2. I'm reading lips, but not because of my hearing. I have an auditory processing disorder that can sometimes make it hard for me to understand and/or remember what someone is saying and watching their mouth helps my brain process what they're saying.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:08 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: watching mouths helps listeners figure out the sounds. It's called the McGurk effect. If you've noticed this as an increasing tendency, you may wish to get your hearing checked.
posted by bluesky43 at 8:24 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Worst possible outcome of this is that the person who is talking to you will assume you're hard of hearing and will start to speak more slowly and enunciate more clearly.

That's not even bad.
posted by flabdablet at 8:54 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Just nthing that you want to get your hearing checked, just in case.
posted by Zarkonnen at 9:07 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure if when you say you interview people you mean you are talking to job candidates. If so, I'm 99% positive they are focused on themselves and what they are saying. So you don't have to worry about them noticing. And even if you are interviewing people in a journalism situation, they are probably still focused themselves and what they are saying so they can present themselves in the best light.

If you are still and want to train yourself, it can be done. I had a manager once with a lazy eye (If there's a nicer term for this, I'd love to know it.) and I occasionally interact with a current co-worker who has a more extreme version of this. I trained myself to look directly between his eyebrows. It took a little while but it turned out to be easier to look at that spot than trying to go back and forth between eyeballs one of which was point another direction. It was really just a matter of developing the habit which it sounds like you are doing. Is there a friend you can practice with?

I think it probably feels more obvious to you than it looks to the interviewee. We see a lot of close interactions in movies where a couple is staring at each other intently. To emphasize the dramatic effect, the camera shows their eyes moving back and forth quickly. I assume you aren't six inches from the other person's face so it's probably not nearly as obvious as you feel like it is.
posted by Beti at 9:38 AM on April 11, 2015

Just to give a different perspective, I do notice, and I feel uncomfortable when it happens. I wonder if I have something in my teeth or nose, mainly, but maybe my discomfort is also a callback to when I had serious tooth discoloration and I'm a complete anomaly in this.

I do have some hearing issues, so I watch lips, but only from my peripheral vision. For eye contact, I tend to use more when I am listening than when I am speaking, shifting to a different spot or breaking off every little bit as comes naturally. I generally look off to the side or at a nearby object briefly.

This article (I've linked part 2) goes into some specifics of desirable eye contact.
posted by moira at 10:07 AM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I do this too, and have always felt a bit self-conscious about it, so thank you for posting this question..
Thinking about it now, though, and seeing that many of us seemingly do this too, I can't say I've ever noticed whether someone else is specifically watching my mouth, or eyes, or any part of my face in particular when we are speaking. I think we can safely not worry about this anymore :)
posted by wats at 10:31 AM on April 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Everyone does this, though for most people it's not a focused attention kind of looking (see aforementioned reference to the McGurk effect. Visual and auditory integration is critical to speech understanding, and everyone uses this advantage, whether consciously or not).

As other people have said, if you feel like you're relying on it to understand, do get your hearing checked. If you're ever in the Iowa City area, I'm happy to do this for you for free.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:10 PM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks all for the responses. I feel better. That video about the McGurk Effect blew my mind too, wow! My hearing is fine, but I do think I decipher mumbling worse than most people at times (is that a thing?), so it's definitely possible I look at people's mouths when I am intently focused on what they are saying. I mix it in with eye contact and just other looking around -- I never just stare at someone's mouth.

It's also a good point that I personally have never noticed anyone looking at my mouth. If someone is looking somewhere else on my face, I'd notice that -- like if someone kept glancing at the top of my head, I'd think there's something there -- but I can't recall anyone ever looking at my mouth. I always assumed that it's because other people don't do this, but maybe it's because they do and it's just not noticeable.
posted by peachpie at 1:09 PM on April 11, 2015

Your hearing may be fine and you may still be lip reading to help your comprehension. It might interest you to look up "central auditory processing disorder." People with CAPD hear just fine -- their ears work -- but the signal gets jumbled by the brain, especially if they are tired or there is background noise, etc, so they look for additional information to help them follow the conversation. Lip reading is one the things they do to supplement their understanding of conversation, often without realizing they have a problem.

A sort of casual way to check for this possibility: do you mis-hear or misunderstand people more frequently if you are not watching their mouths? If yes, it might be worth getting checked for CAPD, which can be a serious problem or can be a mild problem.
posted by Michele in California at 2:37 PM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Sorry, but I'm with moira, I do notice when people do this and unless I know they're hearing impaired, have similar self-conscious thoughts (is there something in my teeth, or even, are they thinking something lewd). It gives me the impression they're thinking about me or are otherwise somehow absent rather than engaging with me. Unless it turns out you are lip-reading to compensate for a hearing problem, I think it might be worth working on establishing and maintaining more typical eye contact.
posted by cotton dress sock at 5:10 PM on April 11, 2015

It gives me the impression they're thinking about me or are otherwise somehow absent rather than engaging with me.

This articulates what I feel (aside from discomfort) when somebody keeps looking at my mouth. I don't feel they're engaged with the conversation.
posted by moira at 6:25 PM on April 11, 2015

I'm a mouth-looker. I don't do well with eye-contact - it makes me nervous, and if I catch someone's gaze, my eyes will immediately flicker away reflexively unless they are a close friend or loved one.

I have a large circle of friends and acquaintances, and I have plenty of evidence that people generally find my charming and affable, etc., so I don't think it's harmed me. I mean, it's definitely different from staring at someone's mouth, spinach-stuck-in-teeth-style, just as normal social eye contact is different from creepily staring at someone's eyes. To be honest, I feel like my gaze during a conversation is a wider-focus, looking-at-the-lower-2/3-of-the-face-more-generally kind of deal.
posted by erlking at 7:39 AM on April 12, 2015 [1 favorite]

Third- or fourth-ing auditory processing disorder. Or, since it doesn't seem to be causing you major life-difficulties: auditory processing not-being-super-good-at.
posted by sarahkeebs at 4:19 AM on April 20, 2015