How to stay with my partner in urgent care?
March 24, 2015 4:26 PM Subscribe
I have a chronic illness that gets out of control periodically and requires iv drugs. I am exhausted, in a lot of pain, and very disoriented by the time I end up at the hospital. I want my partner with me the entire time, but the nurses won't allow it at urgent care. It's not a problem at the ER. Is there something we can say or do to change this?
There are a couple reasons I feel it is important to keep my partner with me. I am so sick that I have trouble accurately relaying my medical history and details of the current event, which has led to dangerous problems with my care in the past.
The nurses always swear they will bring my partner in as soon as the doctor interview is over and before treatment begins. They never do. The typical drugs cause very unpleasant side effects that I prefer to have the comfort of my partner for.
Perhaps most importantly, I cannot remember anything the doctors or nurses tell me about the drugs I am given or instructions for when I leave. I ask for written, but they never provide them. If my partner is there, they can record this.
While I am not married, I'm pretty sure they cannot actually force my partner to stay in the waiting room. What should I say and how should they behave to get the staff to allow us to stay together? We are in Canada.
There are a couple reasons I feel it is important to keep my partner with me. I am so sick that I have trouble accurately relaying my medical history and details of the current event, which has led to dangerous problems with my care in the past.
The nurses always swear they will bring my partner in as soon as the doctor interview is over and before treatment begins. They never do. The typical drugs cause very unpleasant side effects that I prefer to have the comfort of my partner for.
Perhaps most importantly, I cannot remember anything the doctors or nurses tell me about the drugs I am given or instructions for when I leave. I ask for written, but they never provide them. If my partner is there, they can record this.
While I am not married, I'm pretty sure they cannot actually force my partner to stay in the waiting room. What should I say and how should they behave to get the staff to allow us to stay together? We are in Canada.
Best answer: Talk with your primary care physician, and put your partner on as a person who may have access to your medical information. Make it a part of your electronic record. I take care of someone, and this is how I set it up, so she could general t care, she is frail and elderly.
posted by Oyéah at 4:38 PM on March 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 4:38 PM on March 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
Shame on your urgent care provider for this kind of crappy care.
As cooker girl says: Never go in without your partner to start with.
"I need this person with me for the doctor interview I can't remember everything. This is my caregiver." "No, I need my person with me."
If all else fails, ask your partner to ask to go back in with you after they discharge you to get instructions.
posted by SLC Mom at 4:51 PM on March 24, 2015 [4 favorites]
As cooker girl says: Never go in without your partner to start with.
"I need this person with me for the doctor interview I can't remember everything. This is my caregiver." "No, I need my person with me."
If all else fails, ask your partner to ask to go back in with you after they discharge you to get instructions.
posted by SLC Mom at 4:51 PM on March 24, 2015 [4 favorites]
Yes, keep your partner with you. You might say, "This person is my care advocate. I have a right under the law to be fully informed about my treatment, and I need this person to do that. You are violating my patient rights by refusing me access to my advocate."
Is it true? Probably, but even if it's not it doesn't matter as long as they back off.
posted by zennie at 5:10 PM on March 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
Is it true? Probably, but even if it's not it doesn't matter as long as they back off.
posted by zennie at 5:10 PM on March 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
That's really weird. I just brought my boyfriend back with me to the room when in Urgent Care. The nurse looked at him kind of strangely when she asked who he was, and I said he was my boyfriend, but she didn't kick him out. I would just sort of have your partner come with you and not make any deal out of it and maybe they don't notice?
posted by kbennett289 at 5:15 PM on March 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by kbennett289 at 5:15 PM on March 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
Can you look into getting some kind of health related power of attorney? If so, maybe showing up with paperwork in hand and explaining that this person has to be kept in the loop will help.
"Hi. I am congen's health advocate. Here is my power of attorney. I need to be there for the procedures and instructions. Thanks!"
posted by Michele in California at 5:17 PM on March 24, 2015 [6 favorites]
"Hi. I am congen's health advocate. Here is my power of attorney. I need to be there for the procedures and instructions. Thanks!"
posted by Michele in California at 5:17 PM on March 24, 2015 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Do you go to the same urgent care facility? If so, maybe make some time when your situation is manageable and meet with the management - like a nurse manager or clinic manager. Take your partner with you. Ask the staff about the no partner rule. Tell them why it's important for your partner to be there - tangible, patient-safety reasons will probably have more sway that something that comes off as patient-comfort. (I'm not saying you don't have legit reasons. I'm saying in the moment, the nurses are probably not hearing that this is a patient-safety issue.) I like the term "care advocate".
From a healthcare provider standpoint, I can guess at their reasoning - they don't want to suddenly have a second patient who fainted at the sight of blood or needles (like my ex for example :-/) So dealing with this ahead of time is going to be your best bet.
I'm wondering if there is an equivalent in Canada for a medical power of attorney or similar? Maybe research patients' rights? See if there is some official designation your partner can get and then get it on file with the clinic so there is no question when you having medical issues.
Good luck! On preview, what excellent advice MiC! :-)
posted by Beti at 5:19 PM on March 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
From a healthcare provider standpoint, I can guess at their reasoning - they don't want to suddenly have a second patient who fainted at the sight of blood or needles (like my ex for example :-/) So dealing with this ahead of time is going to be your best bet.
I'm wondering if there is an equivalent in Canada for a medical power of attorney or similar? Maybe research patients' rights? See if there is some official designation your partner can get and then get it on file with the clinic so there is no question when you having medical issues.
Good luck! On preview, what excellent advice MiC! :-)
posted by Beti at 5:19 PM on March 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
I realize the wait for treatment may be longer, but if I were you, I would consider just going to the ER if it's better there (yes, social responsibility, but you've obviously tried that).
But if you prefer not to do that A) Yes, definitely talk to your family doctor. and B) Start referring to your husband/wife, not partner. If you've been living together for a year and a half, you're common law spouses and your partner has the same rights in a healthcare setting as he/she would have if you're married. Even if you haven't been living together for a year and a half, it's not like they're going to ask for you marriage certificate or lease/mortgage.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 5:37 PM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
But if you prefer not to do that A) Yes, definitely talk to your family doctor. and B) Start referring to your husband/wife, not partner. If you've been living together for a year and a half, you're common law spouses and your partner has the same rights in a healthcare setting as he/she would have if you're married. Even if you haven't been living together for a year and a half, it's not like they're going to ask for you marriage certificate or lease/mortgage.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 5:37 PM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Talk to the clinic manager and ask them what kind of paperwork you need in order to get partner in. I know that some clinics prefer having the patient alone in the exam room as it's much easier to screen for things like domestic violence when the partner isn't there to make such communications difficult or dangerous.
posted by quince at 6:38 PM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by quince at 6:38 PM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
This may not be the most popular opinion, but if it was me I would just call my partner my husband/wife and I agree that you need to demand that they be in the room from the start. There may be a wonky hospital policy that they think they are following re: your privacy, so you may need to be really pushy about it.
posted by Toddles at 7:22 PM on March 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Toddles at 7:22 PM on March 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
From now on, tell the medical staff that said partner is your spouse.
posted by Kwadeng at 5:27 AM on March 25, 2015
posted by Kwadeng at 5:27 AM on March 25, 2015
When my neighbor died pretty young (of alcoholism) he was rushed to the hospital and because he was unconscious and did not have an advanced directive they put him on every kind of life support system including things like kidney dialysis even though it was completely obvious he had no chance of survival. He died a week later. We had talked many times about not wanting to die in a hospital. But he never put it in writing.
That's why I found out about Advanced Directives for Healthcare also called living wills. In the Yukon it is called Advanced Care Planning.
What I am trying to say is that to solve this problem you need to get in touch with your local "right to die" group. They know all about these things. I know it's morbid but EVERYONE needs to do this anyway.
When you put your partner as your health care agent on your Advanced Care Planning document I would think the hospital would have to honor those wishes. Right to die people would know these things. Give them a call.
When I downloaded my paperwork for Washington state it has a page you can include where an unmarried partner can give permission in writing to chose who they want in their hospital room. They call it a Hospital Visitation Authorization. I don't know if Canada has an equivalent.
posted by cda at 6:53 AM on March 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
That's why I found out about Advanced Directives for Healthcare also called living wills. In the Yukon it is called Advanced Care Planning.
What I am trying to say is that to solve this problem you need to get in touch with your local "right to die" group. They know all about these things. I know it's morbid but EVERYONE needs to do this anyway.
When you put your partner as your health care agent on your Advanced Care Planning document I would think the hospital would have to honor those wishes. Right to die people would know these things. Give them a call.
When I downloaded my paperwork for Washington state it has a page you can include where an unmarried partner can give permission in writing to chose who they want in their hospital room. They call it a Hospital Visitation Authorization. I don't know if Canada has an equivalent.
posted by cda at 6:53 AM on March 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Talk to the doctor, they are apparently the only people beside lawyers that medicine listens to. In the states you can get powers of attorney etc. usually if you are opposite sexs you can just say you are married but if you want the force of law you probably need some stupid piece of paper.
People lower in the heirarchy often default to "no" because it is all they can do and be assured of not being in 'trouble.' The key is to make it clear that they will be in trouble if they don't say yes, this is why you need a stupid piece of paper and full knowledge of your rights so you can assert them confidently when dealing with obstructionist toadies.
posted by Pembquist at 11:33 AM on March 25, 2015
People lower in the heirarchy often default to "no" because it is all they can do and be assured of not being in 'trouble.' The key is to make it clear that they will be in trouble if they don't say yes, this is why you need a stupid piece of paper and full knowledge of your rights so you can assert them confidently when dealing with obstructionist toadies.
posted by Pembquist at 11:33 AM on March 25, 2015
Response by poster: My partner was actively separated from me when we tried to proceed together from the waiting area to the exam area, so this wasn't an issue about arriving together or not.
I contacted the clinic manager about my experience based on the advice here. Apparently the reason companions were sometimes denied entrance was because there weren't enough chairs for doctors plus someone else. Based on my experience they have obtained enough chairs for doctors and one patient companion in every exam room.
Who knew!?
posted by congen at 1:12 PM on April 24, 2015
I contacted the clinic manager about my experience based on the advice here. Apparently the reason companions were sometimes denied entrance was because there weren't enough chairs for doctors plus someone else. Based on my experience they have obtained enough chairs for doctors and one patient companion in every exam room.
Who knew!?
posted by congen at 1:12 PM on April 24, 2015
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posted by cooker girl at 4:29 PM on March 24, 2015 [2 favorites]