A Conundrum conundrum: wine + housesitting etiquette?
March 1, 2015 11:37 AM Subscribe
I'm housesitting for a delightful family in a nice house, taking care of their dog while they're away for several days. I drank a bottle of their wine; it retails for $20 where I am and I'm not sure whether I should replace it before they come home.
I've cared for this family's dog many times before, and we have a good working relationship. I make sure to leave the house as good/better than I found it, make sure the dog is happy, etc., and try to make sure they get their money's worth. They pay me well, and there is always a note that I can "help myself" to whatever's in the refrigerator or pantry, and instructions on how to use the keg in their bar downstairs (!!) so I generally feel comfortable drinking the Cokes and the beer. There is also a wine refrigerator, full of everything from $4 Trader Joe's wines to special bottlings from Napa vineyards they've visited. Obviously, I leave the special wines alone and stick to what I know is bought at the grocery store.
Part of me is a little uneasy about drinking a wine that's more expensive than I would usually buy for myself (the $20 bottle of Conundrum) and not replacing it. $20 is a lot of money for me. A couple of years ago, I had a bottle of their Conundrum and replaced it, and wrote in a note when I left that I'd gotten a new Conundrum (was a different vintage than the one I drank, so I thought I ought to explain) as well as some cookies to replace the package I finished. Their response was like, "oh, you shouldn't have! it's all good!" so...okay.
But still: should I replace the wine? I don't want to jeopardize future opportunities to do this job as I really enjoy it, but I also don't want to spend the $20 if I don't have to. What's the general etiquette on consuming/replacing fancy food and drink when you're housesitting?
I've cared for this family's dog many times before, and we have a good working relationship. I make sure to leave the house as good/better than I found it, make sure the dog is happy, etc., and try to make sure they get their money's worth. They pay me well, and there is always a note that I can "help myself" to whatever's in the refrigerator or pantry, and instructions on how to use the keg in their bar downstairs (!!) so I generally feel comfortable drinking the Cokes and the beer. There is also a wine refrigerator, full of everything from $4 Trader Joe's wines to special bottlings from Napa vineyards they've visited. Obviously, I leave the special wines alone and stick to what I know is bought at the grocery store.
Part of me is a little uneasy about drinking a wine that's more expensive than I would usually buy for myself (the $20 bottle of Conundrum) and not replacing it. $20 is a lot of money for me. A couple of years ago, I had a bottle of their Conundrum and replaced it, and wrote in a note when I left that I'd gotten a new Conundrum (was a different vintage than the one I drank, so I thought I ought to explain) as well as some cookies to replace the package I finished. Their response was like, "oh, you shouldn't have! it's all good!" so...okay.
But still: should I replace the wine? I don't want to jeopardize future opportunities to do this job as I really enjoy it, but I also don't want to spend the $20 if I don't have to. What's the general etiquette on consuming/replacing fancy food and drink when you're housesitting?
Replace the wine, don't worry about the cookies. I'd steer clear of the wines in the future unless they specifically offer them, and definitely not drink them unless you can replace the exact kind of wine (age, varietal, the whole nine yards) you drank.
posted by arnicae at 11:49 AM on March 1, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by arnicae at 11:49 AM on March 1, 2015 [17 favorites]
I used to house-sit all the time and I always considered the liquor cabinet off-limits unless it was specifically allowed. Things like beer that are easily replaceable notwithstanding, I'd especially avoid unopened bottles of wine and liquor because those are things that people often save for special/certain occasions, or have other kinds of sentimental value. I'd replace this bottle and just ask in the future.
posted by Room 641-A at 11:57 AM on March 1, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by Room 641-A at 11:57 AM on March 1, 2015 [8 favorites]
I'm sure they won't care, but you seem like the type that will spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not they will care. I'm the same way, and I would happily spend $20 to ease my anxiety over the whole matter. I think you should replace it just so you won't have to think about it.
posted by Think_Long at 11:58 AM on March 1, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by Think_Long at 11:58 AM on March 1, 2015 [11 favorites]
I would replace it. I think when people say "help yourself" they're thinking of stuff like the groceries, not so much the medium- to high-end bottles of wine and liquor. As Room 641-A notes, stuff like wine is the type of thing they'd be saving for a dinner party or something like that.
posted by holborne at 12:04 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by holborne at 12:04 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
I would replace it, unless they specifically said to help yourself. (I once house-sat for some friends who
had a fairly well-stocked wine cabinet -- they made a point of telling me that anything in the cabinet was fair game except for a couple of bottles they were saving, and to please drink as much beer as I wanted, so I didn't worry about it. Had they not offered, I either wouldn't have touched the wine, or I'd have replaced whatever I drank. Or I'd have taken the price of the wine out of what they paid me for house-sitting.)
posted by sarcasticah at 12:05 PM on March 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
had a fairly well-stocked wine cabinet -- they made a point of telling me that anything in the cabinet was fair game except for a couple of bottles they were saving, and to please drink as much beer as I wanted, so I didn't worry about it. Had they not offered, I either wouldn't have touched the wine, or I'd have replaced whatever I drank. Or I'd have taken the price of the wine out of what they paid me for house-sitting.)
posted by sarcasticah at 12:05 PM on March 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm a dog-walker/boarding, and it's almost never "okay". Replace it, and chalk the cost up to a nice evening in. You're worth it!
posted by whowearsthepants at 12:06 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by whowearsthepants at 12:06 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
nthing replace (ideally with the same vintage) and steering clear of anything that isn't Farting Possum or something else in the rack that's ultra-ubiquitous. With mid-price wine, you can never quite know if it's been bought for a purpose, whether it's for a special occasion or to age for a few years and see what becomes of it.
posted by holgate at 12:24 PM on March 1, 2015
posted by holgate at 12:24 PM on March 1, 2015
It's hard to say because it depends on how much they value or notice a $20 bottle. To me, it sounds like something they'd be fine with you having one of because they would have had it that week if they were home. Also, I think leaving an equivalent welcome gift like some interesting bread would be better than trying to replace the bottle -- and more fun.
posted by michaelh at 12:24 PM on March 1, 2015
posted by michaelh at 12:24 PM on March 1, 2015
Another vote for replacing the wine and steering clear of it in the future. It's very kind of them to offer, but to me it also seems very kind not to take them up on it and leave their wine fridge (or fancy food) alone. I tend to err on the side of being over-polite in other people's homes, for better or worse.
Think of it this way: when it comes to your ongoing connection and potential job opportunities, there are no downsides to doing this. There is a potential downside to them feeling like you're becoming a little more comfortable than they'd prefer, and they will not be in a comfortable position if they later want to approach you about cutting back on consuming their fancy food or beverages.
posted by erratic meatsack at 12:45 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
Think of it this way: when it comes to your ongoing connection and potential job opportunities, there are no downsides to doing this. There is a potential downside to them feeling like you're becoming a little more comfortable than they'd prefer, and they will not be in a comfortable position if they later want to approach you about cutting back on consuming their fancy food or beverages.
posted by erratic meatsack at 12:45 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
Also, FYI, I have a number of bottles of wine in my wine rack that were purchased at the supermarket around the corner, but are personally significant to me in ways that you may not easily be able to discern.
If my cat sitter did what you did once I would likely have sent the same note and squirmed a bit uncomfortably hoping that you would not drink the wine in the future, but not want to make you feel uncomfortable. If you did it a second time, I might start looking for another cat sitter rather than try to get into an awkward conversation about "perishable food and beer is totally fine, but not..."
posted by arnicae at 12:52 PM on March 1, 2015 [12 favorites]
If my cat sitter did what you did once I would likely have sent the same note and squirmed a bit uncomfortably hoping that you would not drink the wine in the future, but not want to make you feel uncomfortable. If you did it a second time, I might start looking for another cat sitter rather than try to get into an awkward conversation about "perishable food and beer is totally fine, but not..."
posted by arnicae at 12:52 PM on March 1, 2015 [12 favorites]
As someone with a large wine cabinet in my house, a $20 bottle of ubiquitous wine is inconsequential and I wouldn't care if someone drank and didn't replace one. I have wine in the house so my friends and I can enjoy it, not as an investment. Sure, if someone opened a bottle of something I paid $200 plus for and I didn't get to taste it, I would be a little annoyed. But something like Conundrum? Have at it, and you don't even need to bother telling me. But if you don't know these people well enough to know if that's their philosophy, the safe course is to replace it.
posted by primethyme at 12:54 PM on March 1, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by primethyme at 12:54 PM on March 1, 2015 [4 favorites]
If it were friends you were doing a favor for, I would say you were fine and not to replace it. I have had friends cat sitting for me and I genuinely wanted them to drink all of my booze, hang out with the cat and have a nice time. But since they're actually paying you and you feel uneasy about it, maybe you should replace it. Just replace it, no note, don't go overboard, and don't do it again.
posted by bleep at 1:15 PM on March 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by bleep at 1:15 PM on March 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
You should replace it. Their note seems to make clear that you should help yourself to anything in the fridge, pantry, or keg. Since the wine is stored separately and not explicitly mentioned as a thing you could have, you shouldn't have drank it and should definitely replace it.
FWIW, I can imagine inviting someone to help themselves to the food in my kitchen. But if I got back and they'd only eaten my aged Asiago cheese, beef tenderloin, and other fancy things, but had left my Cheeze-Its and Diet Cokes totally untouched, I'd be a little annoyed. Not enough to say something, but enough to purposely stock my kitchen with lower-priced things the next time I left them to house-sit.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:16 PM on March 1, 2015 [5 favorites]
FWIW, I can imagine inviting someone to help themselves to the food in my kitchen. But if I got back and they'd only eaten my aged Asiago cheese, beef tenderloin, and other fancy things, but had left my Cheeze-Its and Diet Cokes totally untouched, I'd be a little annoyed. Not enough to say something, but enough to purposely stock my kitchen with lower-priced things the next time I left them to house-sit.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:16 PM on March 1, 2015 [5 favorites]
My partner and I petsit pretty regularly for friends who keep large amounts of booze in the house. We've been told from the beginning to eat and drink whatever we want, but to steer clear of the bottle of Dom Perignon and occasionally other fancy wines that they have. They also pay us. I personally probably wouldn't stress about it.
posted by naturalog at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by naturalog at 1:31 PM on March 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
Their instructions included certain things you should help yourself to, and those did not include bottles of wine. So, yeah, I think you should replace it, and not help yourself to their wine in the future.
posted by J. Wilson at 1:32 PM on March 1, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by J. Wilson at 1:32 PM on March 1, 2015 [7 favorites]
Or replace it, and then ask them if the wine is or is not allowed in the future.
posted by J. Wilson at 1:33 PM on March 1, 2015
posted by J. Wilson at 1:33 PM on March 1, 2015
Actually, I take back my earlier comment -- in my head, I mixed up some of what I had read in the comments about others' situations with what you had actually said in the OP. I'd steer clear of wine in the future unless they specifically say it's okay, or, if you do drink it, replace it.
posted by naturalog at 1:36 PM on March 1, 2015
posted by naturalog at 1:36 PM on March 1, 2015
I'd gotten a new Conundrum (was a different vintage than the one I drank, so I thought I ought to explain)
I missed thus part. Those two bottles are not necessarily interchangeable.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:39 PM on March 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
I missed thus part. Those two bottles are not necessarily interchangeable.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:39 PM on March 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
Another vote for replacing it. As an employee, your mission is to make things smooth and uncomplicated for your employer. Using up stuff that's even a tiny bit of a hassle to replace is not fulfilling that mission. And looking at it from their point of view-- do you think they can feel sure you won't accidentally open a fancier bottle? This just seems like a complication you can so easily avoid.
posted by BibiRose at 2:38 PM on March 1, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by BibiRose at 2:38 PM on March 1, 2015 [4 favorites]
What's the general etiquette on consuming/replacing fancy food and drink when you're housesitting?
I feel like the etiquette would be to stay clear of fancy foods. A keg of beer is kind of a surplus of beer. Sharing there seems like a low-end gesture that you can avail yourself of. However, I'd steer clear of that as well. What if you "kill the keg"? That might feel awkward and you certainly don't want to replace a keg of beer. What if the keg or tap handle starts leaking? They'll wonder if you did something weird to it. I think it's best to steer clear of all that stuff to keep up a clear, professional record. I feel like perishables that will go bad before the owners return plus standard spices, oils for cooking if you're cooking there are fine. Bring your own food and booze.
posted by amanda at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2015 [5 favorites]
I feel like the etiquette would be to stay clear of fancy foods. A keg of beer is kind of a surplus of beer. Sharing there seems like a low-end gesture that you can avail yourself of. However, I'd steer clear of that as well. What if you "kill the keg"? That might feel awkward and you certainly don't want to replace a keg of beer. What if the keg or tap handle starts leaking? They'll wonder if you did something weird to it. I think it's best to steer clear of all that stuff to keep up a clear, professional record. I feel like perishables that will go bad before the owners return plus standard spices, oils for cooking if you're cooking there are fine. Bring your own food and booze.
posted by amanda at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2015 [5 favorites]
FWIW Conundrum is not a wine most people would age, and I expect replacing the bottle you drank with whatever is in the market would be fine.
posted by mr vino at 3:19 PM on March 1, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by mr vino at 3:19 PM on March 1, 2015 [6 favorites]
I would replace it, and then I'd re-watch this episode of Black Books.
posted by girlpublisher at 3:22 PM on March 1, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by girlpublisher at 3:22 PM on March 1, 2015 [8 favorites]
I would normally replace what I used, but in this case I would not. Here's why. They already offered whatever you wanted. You replaced it once and they gave you the you shouldn't have. A $20 bottle of wine from someone that has a wine refrig or cellar, is not usually their top bottle. They can already afford to pay you to dog sit. I don't think you will lose this gig over it. The worst that will happen is next time you are sitting, the note includes something like, "Help yourself to anything but the xxx wine. We are saving that for a special occasion".
If you really cannot afford to replace the wine, and you are concerned about not replacing it, don't drink it. Stick to the keg.
posted by 724A at 8:12 PM on March 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you really cannot afford to replace the wine, and you are concerned about not replacing it, don't drink it. Stick to the keg.
posted by 724A at 8:12 PM on March 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
I just had a house sitter stay at our place and didn't think to discuss the wine, since I usually treat that as off-limits when I house sit or am a guest in someone's house unless specifically invited to do so. As mentioned above, I have wines that would be fine if the house sitter drank, and other wines that I would be very displeased if they drank -- this is a great reminder for me to discuss this (or put it in the written information) the next time there is a house sitter.
So as others have said, personally I'd stay clear of the wines, but if you do drink some be very careful to only touch the mass-market stuff. Beer, on the other hand, I would have no qualms about drinking, mostly because it would be a lot harder to accidentally consume a $200 bottle.
The best solution is to ask, of course, since it would be a shame to not drink the wine if it was on offer, and it would be awful to make them angry by drinking it if it wasn't on offer.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:46 PM on March 1, 2015
So as others have said, personally I'd stay clear of the wines, but if you do drink some be very careful to only touch the mass-market stuff. Beer, on the other hand, I would have no qualms about drinking, mostly because it would be a lot harder to accidentally consume a $200 bottle.
The best solution is to ask, of course, since it would be a shame to not drink the wine if it was on offer, and it would be awful to make them angry by drinking it if it wasn't on offer.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:46 PM on March 1, 2015
I can promise you that the folks above who say "don't worry about it" are correct. 99.06% certain.
Conundrum is not something to worry about. You have a good relationship- I'd not be surprised if they grabbed a bottle thinking " I remember the dog sitter liked this" so it would be there.
If you drank five bottles of any wine in a week, they might think...uh, whoa. But if you have a good relationship and they have beer on tap!!---and you drink a $20 bottle of wine, I seriously think they will be happy to know you enjoyed it, if you even bother to mention it, and they even bother to notice.
It's great to be respectful of taking advantage, but most folks really mean it when they say " please enjoy the things I have to offer. " it's not a setup, it's someone who really is grateful for you caring for a pet they love and are happy to perk the experience.
You have absolutely not taken advantage.
posted by metasav at 10:39 PM on March 1, 2015
Conundrum is not something to worry about. You have a good relationship- I'd not be surprised if they grabbed a bottle thinking " I remember the dog sitter liked this" so it would be there.
If you drank five bottles of any wine in a week, they might think...uh, whoa. But if you have a good relationship and they have beer on tap!!---and you drink a $20 bottle of wine, I seriously think they will be happy to know you enjoyed it, if you even bother to mention it, and they even bother to notice.
It's great to be respectful of taking advantage, but most folks really mean it when they say " please enjoy the things I have to offer. " it's not a setup, it's someone who really is grateful for you caring for a pet they love and are happy to perk the experience.
You have absolutely not taken advantage.
posted by metasav at 10:39 PM on March 1, 2015
Look at it from your client's perspective. Given the option of a housesitter who is conscientious enough to replace a mass market bottle of wine and leave a note about it, and one who drinks my wine without asking, who do you think I'm going to call next time I'm going out of town?
This isn't an etiquette question. This is a customer service question.
posted by danny the boy at 11:37 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
This isn't an etiquette question. This is a customer service question.
posted by danny the boy at 11:37 PM on March 1, 2015 [3 favorites]
I would definitely expect a house sitter to replace an item that they weren't offered. To me that is a no brainer. You are being paid, so any expectation of access to things that I might share with friends is off the table. Even if you weren't, I wouldn't drink their wine.
So on the chance that they are like me, I would def replace it.
posted by jojobobo at 1:04 AM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
So on the chance that they are like me, I would def replace it.
posted by jojobobo at 1:04 AM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
There would also be a relationship to the price they are paying you to take care of the place. If they are paying you $20 per day, that $20 bottle of wine just doubled your price, but if they are paying you $200 per day then the wine is a small fraction of that.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:37 AM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Dip Flash at 6:37 AM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Given the option of a housesitter who is conscientious enough to replace a mass market bottle of wine and leave a note about it, and one who drinks my wine without asking, who do you think I'm going to call next time I'm going out of town?
Yeah, but that's a false dichotomy. Me? If I had other choices, I wouldn't hire either one of these people next time, actually. Instead, I'd look for someone who does not touch any of my wine bottles at all; because all things being equal, I prefer someone who is not going to create any type of additional mental load on me by leaving very thoughtful notes that mean super well but that have the actual effect of creating small trust and boundary issues that make me wonder: 1) was my household employee ever drunk while taking care of my dog? and 2) uh oh, which of my special or private things have they helped themselves to this time?
Truth is, I actually don't want any apology and replacement notes and tokens at all. Just please leave my wine right where it is, thanks. No matter how cheap or expensive my wine is -- if it is in my home, please understand I value the thing and I mean for it to stay there. But more importantly, my dog is seriously like my child, and I say that as the mother of two young human children as well. So when I am paying a dog sitter, I seriously don't want to even think that the dog's sitter was drinking on the job. I wouldn't tolerate that with a babysitter of human children, and as I said my dog is like another one of my kids. I also just want my house to be exactly the way I've left it. Call me grumpy, but part of what I am paying for is for my homelife to be simplified. I don't want to have to even think about these issues when I am paying someone to do their job.
To the OP, I know you are trying to do the right thing here again, and good for you, but in the future you really need to stop helping yourself to any more bottles of their Conundrum. They know you like it. If they had actively wanted you to drink another bottle of theirs, they'd have bought extra and left you a note saying "here's a bottle of Conundrum for you!" Instead they invited you to consume other things per their "whatever's in the refrigerator or pantry" note, NOT whatever's in their wine refrigerator -- please see the clear meaning behind that. Even if they say "no worries" again after the fact -- know that they don't really mean it. They're just engaging in some social fiction with you to be polite and keep smooth, drama-free employer-employee relations (ask me how I know). In your shoes, I'd quietly replace this second bottle of their Conundrum that you drank - I'd leave no note, and no cookies (because: mental load). If it was a bottle of the white, definitely replace it with something less than 1 year old/as young as possible if you can't match the year.
posted by hush at 7:09 AM on March 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
Yeah, but that's a false dichotomy. Me? If I had other choices, I wouldn't hire either one of these people next time, actually. Instead, I'd look for someone who does not touch any of my wine bottles at all; because all things being equal, I prefer someone who is not going to create any type of additional mental load on me by leaving very thoughtful notes that mean super well but that have the actual effect of creating small trust and boundary issues that make me wonder: 1) was my household employee ever drunk while taking care of my dog? and 2) uh oh, which of my special or private things have they helped themselves to this time?
Truth is, I actually don't want any apology and replacement notes and tokens at all. Just please leave my wine right where it is, thanks. No matter how cheap or expensive my wine is -- if it is in my home, please understand I value the thing and I mean for it to stay there. But more importantly, my dog is seriously like my child, and I say that as the mother of two young human children as well. So when I am paying a dog sitter, I seriously don't want to even think that the dog's sitter was drinking on the job. I wouldn't tolerate that with a babysitter of human children, and as I said my dog is like another one of my kids. I also just want my house to be exactly the way I've left it. Call me grumpy, but part of what I am paying for is for my homelife to be simplified. I don't want to have to even think about these issues when I am paying someone to do their job.
To the OP, I know you are trying to do the right thing here again, and good for you, but in the future you really need to stop helping yourself to any more bottles of their Conundrum. They know you like it. If they had actively wanted you to drink another bottle of theirs, they'd have bought extra and left you a note saying "here's a bottle of Conundrum for you!" Instead they invited you to consume other things per their "whatever's in the refrigerator or pantry" note, NOT whatever's in their wine refrigerator -- please see the clear meaning behind that. Even if they say "no worries" again after the fact -- know that they don't really mean it. They're just engaging in some social fiction with you to be polite and keep smooth, drama-free employer-employee relations (ask me how I know). In your shoes, I'd quietly replace this second bottle of their Conundrum that you drank - I'd leave no note, and no cookies (because: mental load). If it was a bottle of the white, definitely replace it with something less than 1 year old/as young as possible if you can't match the year.
posted by hush at 7:09 AM on March 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
If the family has taken the time to give explicit instructions to OP on how to use the keg of beer, I don't think OP's drinking on the job is something that concerns them or something that needs to be micromanaged.
As a side note, I'm in the "replace and don't drink anymore of their wine in the future" camp.
posted by Karaage at 8:05 AM on March 2, 2015
As a side note, I'm in the "replace and don't drink anymore of their wine in the future" camp.
posted by Karaage at 8:05 AM on March 2, 2015
Oh, hush has a really good point too. They may think, yikes, did she drink a whole bottle of wine in one sitting while taking my dog in and out? In addition, that one time was one time, which as they say "Einmal ist keinmal." A second time would be the beginning of a pattern.
I think there's a fallacy that comes into thinking about etiquette questions, and that is delving into how the person on the other side would feel. One's own instinct is to be forgiving and flexible-- or even not to give a crap-- so you assume the other person feels the same way and act on that. They may feel the same way, but it's better not to base your actions on that guess, i.e. on relying on other people feeling generous. That is placing a sort of demand on them that, again, you might not mind having places on you but you really don't know what their circumstances are.
posted by BibiRose at 8:14 AM on March 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
I think there's a fallacy that comes into thinking about etiquette questions, and that is delving into how the person on the other side would feel. One's own instinct is to be forgiving and flexible-- or even not to give a crap-- so you assume the other person feels the same way and act on that. They may feel the same way, but it's better not to base your actions on that guess, i.e. on relying on other people feeling generous. That is placing a sort of demand on them that, again, you might not mind having places on you but you really don't know what their circumstances are.
posted by BibiRose at 8:14 AM on March 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
Given that they didn't mention the wine among the list of things you should help yourself to, I would replace it. But, to reduce the stress on everyone involved, if you are asked back again, just don't drink their wine, or stick to the $4 bottles if you really can't resist. The biggest issue here to me is that it seems like it's upping your salary for the job in a way that probably wasn't intended. Eating some chips or drinking a glass of beer from a keg isn't a huge monetary hit for them, but $20 seems like a big enough amount to matter...for comparison, we usually pay our cat sitter $20/day, so it would be like adding a whole additional day to their salary. Now, if these people are millionaries and all the other bottles of wine in there are on the $100+ level, I might not sweat it so much. If that's not the case, I would replace and more generally just stop doing it! If $20 is a big deal to you, why did you do it in the first place?
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:15 AM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:15 AM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Do you have insight into whether they're ask or guess? If you're 100% sure these people are Ask/HelpYourself culture, disregard everything I say. Because it's not going to be warm and fuzzy.
My partner and I are strongly guess/offer. If we haven't offered (and we offer frequently and sincerely!), that's effectively an interdiction unless it's an emergency. We'd both say it was "no problem" and "you shouldn't have." But, while the wine itself wouldn't bother me, I would wonder what further liberties might ensue. We would not welcome an interesting equivalent replacement, as suggested above. Presumptuous expansion of offers I've made is a very sore spot for me; it's what led me to MeFi via an article referencing tangerine's post.
I house/pet-sit quite a bit, for a few different households. No consumption of any of their food or beverages, no matter how sincerely offered, no use of complicated espresso machines. I leave everything as-is or better (cleaner) than they left it. If toilet paper is running low, I restock. Maybe I leave a bowl of fresh fruit, if I know they like that.
Technically, I don't need the money (it's just the most efficient means of communicating value), but I would be highly, highly annoyed if someone docked the agreed-upon amount by $20 because reason parallel to why you drank that wine. I wouldn't sit for them again. So the posts that argue "they won't miss it, it's just a $20 bottle of grocery wine" convey a sense of entitlement that doesn't sit well with me.
On preview: what hush and BibiRose said.
I hadn't considered the alcohol aspect of your question. Personally? If there's even the smallest chance I could possibly need to work, drive or otherwise function as the designated responsible adult human, I don't drink. Not even half a glass of wine with dinner. This is a preparedness mentality thing in my case, and certainly not expected by your employers. But if their dog needed sudden care (gastric torsion?), a couple of beers would slow your reaction time in a situation where minutes count. Boom, beer's an issue.
posted by wonton endangerment at 10:27 AM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
My partner and I are strongly guess/offer. If we haven't offered (and we offer frequently and sincerely!), that's effectively an interdiction unless it's an emergency. We'd both say it was "no problem" and "you shouldn't have." But, while the wine itself wouldn't bother me, I would wonder what further liberties might ensue. We would not welcome an interesting equivalent replacement, as suggested above. Presumptuous expansion of offers I've made is a very sore spot for me; it's what led me to MeFi via an article referencing tangerine's post.
I house/pet-sit quite a bit, for a few different households. No consumption of any of their food or beverages, no matter how sincerely offered, no use of complicated espresso machines. I leave everything as-is or better (cleaner) than they left it. If toilet paper is running low, I restock. Maybe I leave a bowl of fresh fruit, if I know they like that.
Technically, I don't need the money (it's just the most efficient means of communicating value), but I would be highly, highly annoyed if someone docked the agreed-upon amount by $20 because reason parallel to why you drank that wine. I wouldn't sit for them again. So the posts that argue "they won't miss it, it's just a $20 bottle of grocery wine" convey a sense of entitlement that doesn't sit well with me.
On preview: what hush and BibiRose said.
I hadn't considered the alcohol aspect of your question. Personally? If there's even the smallest chance I could possibly need to work, drive or otherwise function as the designated responsible adult human, I don't drink. Not even half a glass of wine with dinner. This is a preparedness mentality thing in my case, and certainly not expected by your employers. But if their dog needed sudden care (gastric torsion?), a couple of beers would slow your reaction time in a situation where minutes count. Boom, beer's an issue.
posted by wonton endangerment at 10:27 AM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers so far. I will be replacing the wine!! It is interesting to see the range of opinions on this, though--I've always wondered.
Why did I drink the wine? It was Saturday; I wanted some wine with my dinner and was too lazy to go to the store. It was delicious. I didn't drink the whole bottle in one sitting, either!
I am curious about the idea that alcohol shouldn't be consumed at all. I certainly don't want to get hammered (like, in general), but I wasn't aware that as a petsitter I'm expected to be on high alert round the clock (and able to diagnose gastric torsion?). I've been thinking that a reasonable amount of relaxation is okay--Saturday night, the dog is sleeping by the couch and I'm watching a movie on television...not a lot of hands-on work there. Certainly I'd be able to react in an emergency! But I'm not in babysitting (e.g. caring for human children) mode, so I don't feel bad about having a glass here and there. If I'm mistaken about that, I do want to sort this out.
posted by magdalemon at 10:55 AM on March 2, 2015
Why did I drink the wine? It was Saturday; I wanted some wine with my dinner and was too lazy to go to the store. It was delicious. I didn't drink the whole bottle in one sitting, either!
I am curious about the idea that alcohol shouldn't be consumed at all. I certainly don't want to get hammered (like, in general), but I wasn't aware that as a petsitter I'm expected to be on high alert round the clock (and able to diagnose gastric torsion?). I've been thinking that a reasonable amount of relaxation is okay--Saturday night, the dog is sleeping by the couch and I'm watching a movie on television...not a lot of hands-on work there. Certainly I'd be able to react in an emergency! But I'm not in babysitting (e.g. caring for human children) mode, so I don't feel bad about having a glass here and there. If I'm mistaken about that, I do want to sort this out.
posted by magdalemon at 10:55 AM on March 2, 2015
Re: your update, I see absolutely no issue with having some alcohol to drink while dog sitting (or, for that matter, having a glass of wine while babysitting, after the kids have gone to bed, obviously not to the point of intoxication). Certainly it would be impossible to believe that these people don't ever drink alcohol while at home with their own dog! The only way I could see an argument for this would be if the people you were dog sitting for had a strong religious objection to alcohol in their house, and thus it would be sort of disrespectful to bring it into their living space if they really didn't want it there. Or if they were recovering alcoholics and seeing a wine bottle in the recycling could be some sort of trigger. But obviously that is not the case here! Since they invited you to enjoy their beer, obviously they do not care about drinking, per se, just maybe the cost of this particular bottle.
posted by rainbowbrite at 11:37 AM on March 2, 2015
posted by rainbowbrite at 11:37 AM on March 2, 2015
Certainly I'd be able to react in an emergency! But I'm not in babysitting (e.g. caring for human children) mode, so I don't feel bad about having a glass here and there. If I'm mistaken about that, I do want to sort this out.
I think we are coming back to polite fiction again. An anecdote: when our daughter was very small we had over a very trusted babysitter to watch her. My husband, ever so friendly and accommodating, said, "Help yourself to anything! Snacks, fruit, there's some great beer in the garage fridge!" And I said, "Um, hold on. I don't really care if she has a beer after little one goes to sleep but, on the other hand, I feel like as parents hiring a sitter, we shouldn't invite her to drink the beer." This was all said in a pretty joking manner but the sitter laughed and said, "I'm not going to drink any beer, or anything else." And, you know, that is the place where everyone is likely most comfortable.
So, a glass of wine with dinner is mostly quite acceptable and within the range of normal. However, you likely would never have a discussion with your employer nor would they be privvy to your small glass of wine unless you make this explicit. Truthfully, I don't want my babysitter drinking on the job, even a little. I'm paying her to watch my child. I pay her even when my child is sleeping. I don't really want to spend time thinking about exactly how much alcohol I feel comfortable with her consuming so it's best to say "none."
In your situation, keep it a non-issue by bringing your own booze to consume moderately as you see fit. Don't make your employer consider the issue at all and you'll be on the best footing. I mean, consider if there was some emergency and it came out that you'd had more than a couple glasses of alcohol. Ugh. While that could happen to anyone at anytime, it would really suck to have your alcohol consumption brought to bear. You never know what can happen.
posted by amanda at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
I think we are coming back to polite fiction again. An anecdote: when our daughter was very small we had over a very trusted babysitter to watch her. My husband, ever so friendly and accommodating, said, "Help yourself to anything! Snacks, fruit, there's some great beer in the garage fridge!" And I said, "Um, hold on. I don't really care if she has a beer after little one goes to sleep but, on the other hand, I feel like as parents hiring a sitter, we shouldn't invite her to drink the beer." This was all said in a pretty joking manner but the sitter laughed and said, "I'm not going to drink any beer, or anything else." And, you know, that is the place where everyone is likely most comfortable.
So, a glass of wine with dinner is mostly quite acceptable and within the range of normal. However, you likely would never have a discussion with your employer nor would they be privvy to your small glass of wine unless you make this explicit. Truthfully, I don't want my babysitter drinking on the job, even a little. I'm paying her to watch my child. I pay her even when my child is sleeping. I don't really want to spend time thinking about exactly how much alcohol I feel comfortable with her consuming so it's best to say "none."
In your situation, keep it a non-issue by bringing your own booze to consume moderately as you see fit. Don't make your employer consider the issue at all and you'll be on the best footing. I mean, consider if there was some emergency and it came out that you'd had more than a couple glasses of alcohol. Ugh. While that could happen to anyone at anytime, it would really suck to have your alcohol consumption brought to bear. You never know what can happen.
posted by amanda at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
It's true that you're not babysitting, but you are being paid to do a job, and that job might involve you having to make decisions. I would say it's ok to drink as long as you could theoretically drive (as a rule of thumb, even if no car involved) and bring your own.
posted by bleep at 2:47 PM on March 2, 2015
posted by bleep at 2:47 PM on March 2, 2015
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