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February 11, 2015 6:29 PM   Subscribe

What difficult questions can I ask to my half asleep girlfriend?

My girlfriend generally goes to sleep earlier than I do. When I come to bed I half wake her, and I will ask her difficult questions for a half-sleeping person (i.e. what's the capital of Idaho, what word rhymes with orange, etc.). It always results in confused answers and laughs from us both. This is all in good fun, I promise!

But I always blank and just ask about state capitals, I want to expand my repertoire and need help. What questions would you ask to slightly confuse, and amuse a half-sleeping person?
posted by Sreiny to Human Relations (38 answers total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
 
Well there are some very tricky questions that require looking at them from a particular perspective to answer, not sure that meets your requirements though:
  • "Why do mirrors reverse things left and right but not up and down?"
  • "Why does hot air rise?"
  • "What is the length of the coast of Scotland?"

posted by forthright at 6:42 PM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]




Why do you park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Why does Hawaii have interstates?
What is inside the sun?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
posted by tafetta, darling! at 6:53 PM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


A slightly different approach: ask her questions that would sound almost plausible to someone not paying attention, but are actually absurd. "Where'd we park the dog?" "Did you turn your shoes off?" "How many planets should we visit tomorrow?"
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:54 PM on February 11, 2015 [89 favorites]


Why does 1 = .999... ?
posted by doctor tough love at 6:55 PM on February 11, 2015


"Why is a duck?" ("Because one leg is both the same.")

"What's the difference between a crocodile?" ("The greener the swim!")

"What did you do with the honey badger?"
posted by danceswithlight at 6:55 PM on February 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


Where does your lap go when you stand up?

Where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday night?

Why are there only 12 hours on a clock?

Why do they call it a pair of pants but only one bra?

Would you like fries with that?
posted by blob at 7:03 PM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Why do men have nipples?
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:04 PM on February 11, 2015


Who won the Oscar for best editor last year?
posted by bleep at 7:05 PM on February 11, 2015


"What do you put in the toaster?" (Bread, not toast)
"What's the white of the egg called?" (Not the yolk)
"What are the four stages of mitosis?"
"Name the planets in order" -- and other grade school memorization knowledge that is probably deeply embedded, like multiplication tables, first president, etc.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:06 PM on February 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


My dad's favorite (say it quickly):

If a hog and a half costs a dollar and a half, how much do three hogs cost?

This one always used to trip up my brother.
posted by phunniemee at 7:20 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I once got a delightful ten syllable answer from the question "what is your cat's name?"(We don't have a cat.)
posted by geegollygosh at 7:22 PM on February 11, 2015 [14 favorites]


What do cows drink?
posted by Prof Iterole at 7:48 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Are you a turtle?
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:54 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Are you awake right now? How do you know?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:56 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Why are eggs in the dairy section and not the meat section?
posted by bendy at 7:57 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Who among us has never been a turtle?

What are the state capitals of Middle Earth?

Why is "when Harry met Sally" and not the other way around?

What if the Empire didn't strike back and merely turned the other cheek?

Are you unicorn? Can you prove your answer?

How fast are you going right now?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:01 PM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh man, I still do this to my daughter sometimes. We've had the best conversations when she's asleep. One time, when I went to kiss her goodnight, she seemed very upset. I asked what was wrong and she said, "The purple is too high!" So I told her I turned the purple off and she settled down with a smile. So. Nonsense questions for the win!
posted by Ruki at 8:16 PM on February 11, 2015 [8 favorites]


What does C-H-O/ P-H-O/ U-S-E spell? (If you break up the letters like that, a fair number of people will say "Cho-fo-use.")
posted by klangklangston at 9:09 PM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


How do you pronounce M-O-N-O-P-O-L-Y? (monopoly)
How do you pronounce P-O-L-O-P-O-N-Y? (polo pony)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:34 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Why do we park on a driveway but drive on a parkway?

Apologies to George Carlin.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:55 PM on February 11, 2015


How do you pronounce B-A-S-E-L-I-N-E? (baseline)
How do you pronounce V-A-S-E-L-I-N-E? (vaseline)
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:10 PM on February 11, 2015


Did you rewind the DVDs?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:11 PM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


How long is piece of string?
posted by irisclara at 10:33 PM on February 11, 2015


Should we get a fish?
posted by irisclara at 10:35 PM on February 11, 2015


Are trees made out of wood, or is wood made out of trees?
posted by Phssthpok at 11:06 PM on February 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


I would ask more introspective and weird, reality-bending questions. In good sport. Things like:

Hey GF, what is your secret name, the one you won't tell me? The one you gave yourself as a little girl.

How old are you if incarnation exists?

Speak to me in your dream language.

Show me the weirdest and most ignored part of your body that you want me to touch.

Tonight in our dream, where are we going on vacation?

I'd just go super oddball about it and enjoy the ride. Ask questions that don't require her to wake, make them fanciful, like Willy Wonka/Alice Wonderland sorts of things.

Another MeFite, Brandon Blatcher had many in this category that I thought would be fun.
posted by cior at 1:24 AM on February 12, 2015 [6 favorites]


Is it faster to go to New York or by car?
posted by scratch at 5:22 AM on February 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


Don't ask deep questions about math, ask questions that relate to a surreal notion of state that could only make sense in a fluid dream space.
posted by oceanjesse at 5:26 AM on February 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


I would really like to know if the answer isn't three hogs?
posted by glasseyes at 5:45 AM on February 12, 2015 [4 favorites]


I would really like to know if the answer isn't three hogs?

It's 3 hogs. The way the thing is set up makes it seem like it's a tricky riddle but actually it's just that it's hard to hear the answer over the sound of my dad laughing.
posted by phunniemee at 7:18 AM on February 12, 2015 [6 favorites]


From the Three Stooges: "Is it as hot in the summer as it is in the country?"

Groucho in Monkey Business (1931): "What's the capital of the Chase National Bank? Give up? Now, I'll try you on an easy one. How many Frenchmen can't be wrong?"
posted by Flexagon at 8:45 AM on February 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


What is olive oil made from?
What is corn oil made from?
What is baby oil made from?
posted by Thorzdad at 9:03 AM on February 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


I used to get hilarious answers to the question "Where are you?"
posted by Lafe at 10:23 AM on February 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


You bet your sweet ass I am.
posted by Billiken at 11:55 AM on February 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Like Lafe, I go with the simple questions. What'cha doin', sweetie? Mhm, how's that going?

The other week this resulted in some mumbling about how "the hardest part is the sloooooow synchronization". You're absolutely right, hon.
posted by heatherann at 7:24 PM on February 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


My partner suggests: "how can you tell if penguins wear tuxedos?" and "would penguins and polar bears be good friends?" .. I have no idea why he thinks these would result in funny responses...
posted by kariebookish at 7:03 AM on February 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Johnny's mother has three children. She named the first one Penny. She named the second one Nicholas. What did she name the third one?

You can use American small change as a visual example too, for added confusion.

Can you place your hand on a flat surface and turn your hand 360 degrees? (you can)

Ask about history, or what she is dreaming about
posted by Jacen at 12:37 PM on February 16, 2015


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