Near-death anxiety
January 31, 2015 3:56 AM Subscribe
I recently had pretty big health scare. I am recovering now, but I am still very freaked out about how close I just came to dying.
This is an illness that is often fatal, sometimes within hours. I just keep thinking I could've died alone in my apartment and no one would've known anything about it (no family or friends around, no job to miss me, etc. Some freelance clients who would likely be pissed at my disappearance in the middle of an assignment, but without any way to check on me or knowing that it would've been due to my death.) How do I move past this anxiety?
This is an illness that is often fatal, sometimes within hours. I just keep thinking I could've died alone in my apartment and no one would've known anything about it (no family or friends around, no job to miss me, etc. Some freelance clients who would likely be pissed at my disappearance in the middle of an assignment, but without any way to check on me or knowing that it would've been due to my death.) How do I move past this anxiety?
Best answer: Wow - glad you made it! Are you in the clear now?
I think maybe that establishing a couple of social routines from here on out could help alleviate some of that worry. I'm mostly on my own, too. I'm in close touch with a couple of family members by phone (one of them, mainly to check in on them, because they're on their own, too). I usually speak to one or both of them every 1-2 days. If something were amiss, one of them would figure it out, and that does comfort me.
Developing friendships where you are is something worth doing, too, I think.
(Sorry to have made an assumption: when you say, "no family or friends around", do you mean "in your area", or "at all"?)
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:11 AM on January 31, 2015
I think maybe that establishing a couple of social routines from here on out could help alleviate some of that worry. I'm mostly on my own, too. I'm in close touch with a couple of family members by phone (one of them, mainly to check in on them, because they're on their own, too). I usually speak to one or both of them every 1-2 days. If something were amiss, one of them would figure it out, and that does comfort me.
Developing friendships where you are is something worth doing, too, I think.
(Sorry to have made an assumption: when you say, "no family or friends around", do you mean "in your area", or "at all"?)
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:11 AM on January 31, 2015
Response by poster: When you say, "no family or friends around", do you mean "in your area", or "at all"?
In my area.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 4:18 AM on January 31, 2015
In my area.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 4:18 AM on January 31, 2015
Okay, good. So, maybe give someone (the same person) a call or text every day or so?
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:27 AM on January 31, 2015
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:27 AM on January 31, 2015
I'm glad you are well. It's weird how when faced with our own death, we worry about how that will impact everyone else and inconveniencing them. Not to minimize your experience, but people die every day with lots of things left unfinished or undone. It happens and the world keeps spinning.
One thing that helped me deal with my death anxiety was having a plan - writing a will, keeping a printed document in my "death" file that had all my bank accounts, passwords, credit card numbers, pretty much everything someone would need to know in the event of my death - even who to contact here at Metafilter. I found some peace in that and it made me feel better knowing I was making things easier for my loved ones.
I found more emotional peace in Buddhism, like for example, readings like this article on death and dying.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:37 AM on January 31, 2015 [3 favorites]
One thing that helped me deal with my death anxiety was having a plan - writing a will, keeping a printed document in my "death" file that had all my bank accounts, passwords, credit card numbers, pretty much everything someone would need to know in the event of my death - even who to contact here at Metafilter. I found some peace in that and it made me feel better knowing I was making things easier for my loved ones.
I found more emotional peace in Buddhism, like for example, readings like this article on death and dying.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:37 AM on January 31, 2015 [3 favorites]
How do I move past this anxiety?
By realizing that when you are dead, an angry freelance client is the least of your worries.
(I am glad you survived. I shouldn't be alive - something very similar happened to me a few years ago and I could have died in a foreign hotel room with no one knowing how to contact my family)
posted by Tanizaki at 4:51 AM on January 31, 2015 [4 favorites]
By realizing that when you are dead, an angry freelance client is the least of your worries.
(I am glad you survived. I shouldn't be alive - something very similar happened to me a few years ago and I could have died in a foreign hotel room with no one knowing how to contact my family)
posted by Tanizaki at 4:51 AM on January 31, 2015 [4 favorites]
To plan ahead is indeed likely the most sensible thing to do. Take those fears by their horns and tell them: "now I'm actually making a will, here I established a regular check-in routine with co workers, this is my new routine of, via colleagues, telling clients if I'm not well and work gets delayed. See, fears, I'm doing stuff to dissipate you! Other people will never be unaware if something bad happens to me, and get angry at me, because I also did this thing, etc."
posted by Namlit at 6:51 AM on January 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Namlit at 6:51 AM on January 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I should be dead by trauma, twice over by now. I struggle a fair amount with similar anxiety. The thing that helps me most is statistics: while bad things happen, and have happened to me, the overall probability of those events is still very, very small.
I don't waste money on lottery tickets, and I shouldn't waste mental and emotional energy on other very low-probability events.
Still a work in progress for me, though. Hang in there. Passage of time also helps to put things in perspective.
posted by Dashy at 7:05 AM on January 31, 2015 [5 favorites]
I don't waste money on lottery tickets, and I shouldn't waste mental and emotional energy on other very low-probability events.
Still a work in progress for me, though. Hang in there. Passage of time also helps to put things in perspective.
posted by Dashy at 7:05 AM on January 31, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I would, as gently as possible, encourage you to let some time pass before you make plans or put procedures in place. Almost dying is very, very frightening and there is trauma involved in that terror. However, with time the trauma fades and so does the emotional impact; you'll be able to think about the event without also feeling the "OMG what if..." panic that goes with it.
And honestly, that is a much better place from which to make rational, considered decisions about avoiding a less-than-optimal situation in future.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:05 AM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
And honestly, that is a much better place from which to make rational, considered decisions about avoiding a less-than-optimal situation in future.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:05 AM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Medical PTSD is a real thing that can be treated. Time is definitely part of the equation, but there are coping techniques and sometimes even medical interventions that can short-circuit the kind of perseveration and flashbacking that can become life-disrupting in some cases.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:46 AM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Lyn Never at 8:46 AM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
Many people report that meditation is an aid to recovery from trauma. I started soon after my wife passed away and it's been very helpful to me.
posted by cleroy at 11:49 AM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by cleroy at 11:49 AM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Sorry to hear that, and glad that you made it through.
I had a similar experience a few years ago. It was a sudden and very dangerous medical condition, with a fairly high mortality rate. I made it through relatively quickly, but health anxiety about my own near-death experience followed my recovery.
I've never been an anxious person, but my health scare put me in a pretty bad place. I'd frequently wake up in a panic convinced that I couldn't breathe. It would take several minutes to calm myself down. I'd also find myself dwelling on the situation and working myself up into a panic over the day. Perhaps this sounds somewhat familiar?
Honestly, the most effective solution has been time. Two years later I'm actually able to go days without thinking about the situation. Reminding myself to be reflective about my own emotional state is helpful too. I've made a habit of regularly pausing and evaluating how I'm feeling in the moment. If I'm feeling anxious I've found a couple of things that help (or they help me anyway - results may vary):
-I remind myself that I'm alive and healthy right in this moment.
-I could get sick again in the future, but I don't have much control over that personally.
-I use my experience as a reminder that I need to live a good life now. I need to take care of my health, stay in touch with family and friends, and do creative and interesting things.
Anyway, sorry again and good luck - hope you make it through the anxiety. In many ways it may be harder to deal with than the health issue itself.
posted by owls at 1:22 PM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
I had a similar experience a few years ago. It was a sudden and very dangerous medical condition, with a fairly high mortality rate. I made it through relatively quickly, but health anxiety about my own near-death experience followed my recovery.
I've never been an anxious person, but my health scare put me in a pretty bad place. I'd frequently wake up in a panic convinced that I couldn't breathe. It would take several minutes to calm myself down. I'd also find myself dwelling on the situation and working myself up into a panic over the day. Perhaps this sounds somewhat familiar?
Honestly, the most effective solution has been time. Two years later I'm actually able to go days without thinking about the situation. Reminding myself to be reflective about my own emotional state is helpful too. I've made a habit of regularly pausing and evaluating how I'm feeling in the moment. If I'm feeling anxious I've found a couple of things that help (or they help me anyway - results may vary):
-I remind myself that I'm alive and healthy right in this moment.
-I could get sick again in the future, but I don't have much control over that personally.
-I use my experience as a reminder that I need to live a good life now. I need to take care of my health, stay in touch with family and friends, and do creative and interesting things.
Anyway, sorry again and good luck - hope you make it through the anxiety. In many ways it may be harder to deal with than the health issue itself.
posted by owls at 1:22 PM on January 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
Glad to hear you're okay. I have had a similar experience and similar feelings living alone after almost dying. Eventually you'll be able to not dwell on it too much, but yes, at first you tend to bog down in thinking about a bunch of 'what-ifs'. One thing that I found was that I had very poor impulse control after my experience. Like, I tended to not weigh consequences for my actions and I did some stupid stuff in the first few months afterwards. I flew to Europe although it was a bad financial decision to do so, I drank and drove a few times, I had sexual flings, I bought too many clothes. It was very tempting to just think 'I might die tomorrow, why not?" about things. Try not to do this. It's been five years since my own hospitalization and while I still look upon every day as a gift (because that's a good part of living after almost dying and I don't want to stop doing this) I do try to think that I'm still going to be around for a while and that I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss possible consequences for my actions. Hope you are doing well, and if you ever need to just vent or chat, please MeMail me.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 3:29 PM on January 31, 2015
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 3:29 PM on January 31, 2015
These previous questions might be of interest; they're not about how to deal with the anxiety exactly but are about processing other aspects of your situation-
I live alone; what if I died at home? - Lots of concrete suggestions
After my near-death experience, how can I make the most of my gratitude/positive feelings?
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:04 PM on February 1, 2015
I live alone; what if I died at home? - Lots of concrete suggestions
After my near-death experience, how can I make the most of my gratitude/positive feelings?
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:04 PM on February 1, 2015
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Others here will probably have ideas about the psychological side of things, but I have some practical advice. Would a dead man's switch - like this or this - give you some peace of mind about what would happen if something terrible did happen to you?
posted by schroedingersgirl at 4:10 AM on January 31, 2015 [5 favorites]