an unwilling muse (or I'm not THAT awesome)
January 18, 2015 7:08 PM Subscribe
My ex sort of boyfriend has been writing (and publishing) identifying "fiction" about me for nearly seven years. Lately, the stories (my friends forward them to me with worry, they're that identifiable) are darker. What options are available to me to stop it?
My sort of ex is an aspiring writer in the community where I used to live. I say "sort of" because we only dated for around six weeks. We were both at liminal places in our lives and he cast me immediately as a "damaged woman." He dumped me when I became pregnant and did not help me with the pregnancy termination, aside from threatening me if I did not and then flopping back to accusing me of lying about being pregnant and back again. The whole mess was a chapter of my life I wanted to just leave behind - my friends supported me through it, it was a blip on my radar.
Then, the next month, I got an IM from a friend about my ex having published a story about meeting his adult child (whom he had with me - identified down to the text tattoo on my back and how I'd gone back to my home state). There's been another fantasy about our hypothetical adult son. There have been others: "fiction" in response to major events in my life available on public twitter or available through my own publisher. This has been going on without breaks for seven years. I am now married, live far away from him, and we don't have anybody in common. I asked him formally to stop contacting me directly or indirectly (by posting identifying things about me). I have blocked him everywhere on social media.
I was linked to a story today that mentions "my character's" dead body many times which has made me realize a) this isn't going to stop and b) this might be getting more intense. My question is, what can I do to stop this if it's not acceptable to do nothing any more? For the first year it was easy to take people's advice about being the bigger person and just not looking at his stuff - maaaaybe getting it taken down by his editors at one point. For people who've never experienced stalking, it's easy to say "don't let it get under your skin." It is under my skin and I would like to stamp this out - I've read Gavin de Becker. This guy sends shivers up my spine. I mean, nearly 7 years from a 6 week fling. Dude.
I doubt the police can help - they were dismissive when I called the first time. He's more widely published now, so I don't know. This is cyberstalking, isn't it? What remedies are available to me? Have you ever been in this situation? How would you advise me to get out of it? The fact that it is fiction is complicating - but it's so thinly veiled it's embarrassing. I am in WA and he is in OR.
My sort of ex is an aspiring writer in the community where I used to live. I say "sort of" because we only dated for around six weeks. We were both at liminal places in our lives and he cast me immediately as a "damaged woman." He dumped me when I became pregnant and did not help me with the pregnancy termination, aside from threatening me if I did not and then flopping back to accusing me of lying about being pregnant and back again. The whole mess was a chapter of my life I wanted to just leave behind - my friends supported me through it, it was a blip on my radar.
Then, the next month, I got an IM from a friend about my ex having published a story about meeting his adult child (whom he had with me - identified down to the text tattoo on my back and how I'd gone back to my home state). There's been another fantasy about our hypothetical adult son. There have been others: "fiction" in response to major events in my life available on public twitter or available through my own publisher. This has been going on without breaks for seven years. I am now married, live far away from him, and we don't have anybody in common. I asked him formally to stop contacting me directly or indirectly (by posting identifying things about me). I have blocked him everywhere on social media.
I was linked to a story today that mentions "my character's" dead body many times which has made me realize a) this isn't going to stop and b) this might be getting more intense. My question is, what can I do to stop this if it's not acceptable to do nothing any more? For the first year it was easy to take people's advice about being the bigger person and just not looking at his stuff - maaaaybe getting it taken down by his editors at one point. For people who've never experienced stalking, it's easy to say "don't let it get under your skin." It is under my skin and I would like to stamp this out - I've read Gavin de Becker. This guy sends shivers up my spine. I mean, nearly 7 years from a 6 week fling. Dude.
I doubt the police can help - they were dismissive when I called the first time. He's more widely published now, so I don't know. This is cyberstalking, isn't it? What remedies are available to me? Have you ever been in this situation? How would you advise me to get out of it? The fact that it is fiction is complicating - but it's so thinly veiled it's embarrassing. I am in WA and he is in OR.
I'm afraid that this is not going to qualify as cyberstalking, which is not actually a defined crime in most jurisdictions (yet). But he's not stalking you either - he's not emailing you the stories, he's not mailing them to your house or posting them on Facebook and tagging you, he's not letting you know that he is following your movements. It would be difficult to make a case of any kind of stalking until he posts something that either qualifies as "terroristic threat"* or actionable defamation, which would allow you to go after him in civil court.
*Women are having their home addresses published on the internet, along with death threats and plans/attempts to "swat" them (which is a way of trying to trick local police into killing the occupants of the house) and still local law enforcement and the FBI are saying there is nothing they can do.
You can contact the FBI to find out where the line is and just see if you get a sympathetic investigator. Because he's not local to you, this falls under the jurisdiction of "wires" - telephone, telegraph, cable, and internet - so that's FBI territory. That can sometimes be a factor in the attitudes of local law enforcement.
You could talk to a local domestic violence center/hotline, as they'll have the most up-to-date resources and experience.
You probably need to ask your friends to stop sending it to you (if for no other reason, then to keep them clear from any future question of cyberstalking you by sending you this content) but tell them to call the FBI if it escalates in a way they think is actionable. Telling them this would also be a safer way of dealing with drama-mongers caught up in the rush of participating in your trauma without running the risk of them turning on you.
I don't think you should "not let it get under your skin" but legally your options are "feel horrible about it and that's pretty much it" for now. He's clearly deeply unwell, and just because he's never escalated doesn't mean he won't one day, but I think you have to be reasonably vigilant and then go on with your life knowing that he could just as easily be doing this without your friends as his accomplices and you would never know it was happening.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:44 PM on January 18, 2015 [13 favorites]
*Women are having their home addresses published on the internet, along with death threats and plans/attempts to "swat" them (which is a way of trying to trick local police into killing the occupants of the house) and still local law enforcement and the FBI are saying there is nothing they can do.
You can contact the FBI to find out where the line is and just see if you get a sympathetic investigator. Because he's not local to you, this falls under the jurisdiction of "wires" - telephone, telegraph, cable, and internet - so that's FBI territory. That can sometimes be a factor in the attitudes of local law enforcement.
You could talk to a local domestic violence center/hotline, as they'll have the most up-to-date resources and experience.
You probably need to ask your friends to stop sending it to you (if for no other reason, then to keep them clear from any future question of cyberstalking you by sending you this content) but tell them to call the FBI if it escalates in a way they think is actionable. Telling them this would also be a safer way of dealing with drama-mongers caught up in the rush of participating in your trauma without running the risk of them turning on you.
I don't think you should "not let it get under your skin" but legally your options are "feel horrible about it and that's pretty much it" for now. He's clearly deeply unwell, and just because he's never escalated doesn't mean he won't one day, but I think you have to be reasonably vigilant and then go on with your life knowing that he could just as easily be doing this without your friends as his accomplices and you would never know it was happening.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:44 PM on January 18, 2015 [13 favorites]
How creepy and distressing, so sorry that you have to keep dealing with this. I think visiting a lawyer would be helpful so that at least you'll know when some legal boundary is crossed and then you can act on it. This appears, as you said, really complicated. This guy sounds unhinged.
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 7:44 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 7:44 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
The references to your character's dead body... are they in a mournful context, or something more sinister? It's creepy either way and I am certainly not trying to make excuses for this guy, but if it's mournful, maybe there is a way for you to categorize this as something he's writing as a method of working through some personal pain. You are not wrong to take this stuff seriously, but on the other hand, the "dead body" stuff might signify that he's done obsessing over you.
I hope so, anyway. Good luck, this sounds very difficult.
posted by jessicapierce at 7:56 PM on January 18, 2015
I hope so, anyway. Good luck, this sounds very difficult.
posted by jessicapierce at 7:56 PM on January 18, 2015
Best answer: 7 years is an atypically long time for him to keep this up - I recall reading that the average duration of "stalk" is usually 3 years or less. Just a guess but maybe the pregnancy and termination really stuck with him.
As distasteful as the concept is, do you (or a friend) have copies of his stories from the beginning? I'm wondering about the impact of printing them all out and presenting a foot-tall stack of the stuff to law enforcement or whoever. It's one thing to say "hes been writing stories about me for years"; it might make a deeper impression to pull out the stack, drop it on the table and say "this is what he's written about me since 2008".
You say he's been getting wider publication now? If he's actually achieving success as a writer with this material, that's really icky. But it might partially explain why he keeps cranking it out? And the most recent story, where your character is dead - is there any chance that's an indication he's going to stop with this shit? I'm clutching at straws here, I know.
All that said, I wonder if you want to talk to someone who knows libel, privacy, and copyright law? Although it impresses me that you'd really want to not engage with him.
posted by doctor tough love at 8:18 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
As distasteful as the concept is, do you (or a friend) have copies of his stories from the beginning? I'm wondering about the impact of printing them all out and presenting a foot-tall stack of the stuff to law enforcement or whoever. It's one thing to say "hes been writing stories about me for years"; it might make a deeper impression to pull out the stack, drop it on the table and say "this is what he's written about me since 2008".
You say he's been getting wider publication now? If he's actually achieving success as a writer with this material, that's really icky. But it might partially explain why he keeps cranking it out? And the most recent story, where your character is dead - is there any chance that's an indication he's going to stop with this shit? I'm clutching at straws here, I know.
All that said, I wonder if you want to talk to someone who knows libel, privacy, and copyright law? Although it impresses me that you'd really want to not engage with him.
posted by doctor tough love at 8:18 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
Is there anybody that you know from that period who is still in touch with him, preferably a male friend of his he'd listen to, who could sit him down and say 'Listen.. That stuff you've been writing lately? It kind of makes you seem like the creepy stalker ex from a made-for-cable movie and people are starting to ask me "What's the deal with [$name]?"'
I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope that his reaction will be "Oh my god, I had no idea! I guess it is kind of creepy, maybe I should find something else to write about.." but his reaction to the person who brings this up might tell you more about where you stand.
I'm glad you're in another state from this guy; I wish they were somewhat more widely separated.
posted by Nerd of the North at 8:32 PM on January 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope that his reaction will be "Oh my god, I had no idea! I guess it is kind of creepy, maybe I should find something else to write about.." but his reaction to the person who brings this up might tell you more about where you stand.
I'm glad you're in another state from this guy; I wish they were somewhat more widely separated.
posted by Nerd of the North at 8:32 PM on January 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
Does your character in these stories have your name?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:37 PM on January 18, 2015
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:37 PM on January 18, 2015
Best answer: If your character is dead, wouldn't that be the end of this? It would seem likely, unless he only writes prequels from now on.
I don't think there's much you can do. If you make a public issue of this, it may just bring more attention to his stories and some trollish, Gamergate-types might try to make you the bad guy for trying to interfere with his "free expression." You could always write some story of your own about a sad stalker dude with a little tiny dingle, but that ALSO risks escalating the fight and bringing more attention to his work.
FWIW, very few people probably know or care that you were the inspiration for these stories. Even if he got famous with these stories, if he's not explicitly saying you were the inspiration, how would anybody know? I'd say keep watching from afar, to make sure he's not writing anything really ghastly or scary about you, but otherwise try to just ignore him. Don't contact him and give him any new inspiration for stories.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:56 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't think there's much you can do. If you make a public issue of this, it may just bring more attention to his stories and some trollish, Gamergate-types might try to make you the bad guy for trying to interfere with his "free expression." You could always write some story of your own about a sad stalker dude with a little tiny dingle, but that ALSO risks escalating the fight and bringing more attention to his work.
FWIW, very few people probably know or care that you were the inspiration for these stories. Even if he got famous with these stories, if he's not explicitly saying you were the inspiration, how would anybody know? I'd say keep watching from afar, to make sure he's not writing anything really ghastly or scary about you, but otherwise try to just ignore him. Don't contact him and give him any new inspiration for stories.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:56 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
1.Ask whomever is pointing these things out to you to stop. You don't need to see it. The end.
2. If your trying to be helpful pointer persons still have contact with this damage factory dude, ask them to tell him to cut it the fuck out, because it makes him look like a inexcusably obsessive freakshow. I wouldn't suggest to tell him that it's hurtful or perturbing to you, because i'm sure that's what he wants. Just that it makes HIM look really bad.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 10:24 PM on January 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
2. If your trying to be helpful pointer persons still have contact with this damage factory dude, ask them to tell him to cut it the fuck out, because it makes him look like a inexcusably obsessive freakshow. I wouldn't suggest to tell him that it's hurtful or perturbing to you, because i'm sure that's what he wants. Just that it makes HIM look really bad.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 10:24 PM on January 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Famous Monster - The first time I was namechecked, I wrote to his editor and got it taken down (he'd also lifted parts of my email for the story).
As for the dead body stuff - it's about being sure he will one day haul me out if my apartment, dead, and the city logistics of that. So. Pretty creepy.
posted by sweltering at 2:01 AM on January 19, 2015
As for the dead body stuff - it's about being sure he will one day haul me out if my apartment, dead, and the city logistics of that. So. Pretty creepy.
posted by sweltering at 2:01 AM on January 19, 2015
Response by poster: Oh and nobody I know has contact with him. They shunned him very much when it happened - and thought he was very dangerous (I had sleepovers of 2-3 extra people in my studio apartment for a few days). That is where the warning is coming from. They still think so.
posted by sweltering at 2:57 AM on January 19, 2015
posted by sweltering at 2:57 AM on January 19, 2015
It certainly couldn't hurt to make sure this information is "on file" with local and national law enforcement, and as some folks indicate above, getting in touch with domestic violence/stalking support systems might turn up something useful, as they're pretty aware of where "creepy behavior" and "against the law" actually intersect. Unfortunately, none of this is guaranteed to help: what he's doing is freaky and alarming but might well not be actually illegal (IANAL, but personal expression is given a pretty wide latitude under law, and this might well fall on the lawful side of that).
"Personality rights" are the name given to the broad swath of laws granting people the right to control the usage of their identity in a fictional/commercial context. For reasons beyond my ken, in America these are state-level rather than federal laws. AFAICT, on a federal level, your identity is protected only inasmuch as it is your "trademark". Washington state has specific laws protecting personality rights. Oregon does not.
If you want to go that route, one plausible approach might be civil intellectual-property protection, rather than any sort of criminal approach. Get a lawyer to notify his publisher (not him directly) of their infringement on your personality rights and/or trademark. He might be invested in using your likeness, but his publisher isn't and they have some leverage.
Of course, this ---- as with any other sort of direct defense --- has the downside of letting him know he's getting under your skin, if it gets back to him.
posted by jackbishop at 7:19 AM on January 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Personality rights" are the name given to the broad swath of laws granting people the right to control the usage of their identity in a fictional/commercial context. For reasons beyond my ken, in America these are state-level rather than federal laws. AFAICT, on a federal level, your identity is protected only inasmuch as it is your "trademark". Washington state has specific laws protecting personality rights. Oregon does not.
If you want to go that route, one plausible approach might be civil intellectual-property protection, rather than any sort of criminal approach. Get a lawyer to notify his publisher (not him directly) of their infringement on your personality rights and/or trademark. He might be invested in using your likeness, but his publisher isn't and they have some leverage.
Of course, this ---- as with any other sort of direct defense --- has the downside of letting him know he's getting under your skin, if it gets back to him.
posted by jackbishop at 7:19 AM on January 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm surprised no one suggested talking to an attorney. If you do need to approach the police for protection, it helps to have an attorney representing you.
Collect all of the data and find a professional mental health clinician who deals with violent populations assess his intentions from his writings. There are people who deal with these issues and can advise you MUCH better than we can.
You're being vague and cryptic, so it is difficult to tell what's going. I still can't tell if he's writing about you dying, or if he's writing about killing you. Either way. Have someone who works with these types of pathologies review your specific situation.
Everybody here is just guessing. Get some facts so you can do what is necessary to create a favorable outcome.
posted by jbenben at 7:45 AM on January 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Collect all of the data and find a professional mental health clinician who deals with violent populations assess his intentions from his writings. There are people who deal with these issues and can advise you MUCH better than we can.
You're being vague and cryptic, so it is difficult to tell what's going. I still can't tell if he's writing about you dying, or if he's writing about killing you. Either way. Have someone who works with these types of pathologies review your specific situation.
Everybody here is just guessing. Get some facts so you can do what is necessary to create a favorable outcome.
posted by jbenben at 7:45 AM on January 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: thanks, jbenen! I'm not being intentionally cryptic - he writes intentionally spare, postmodern stories. It is not clear what is being fantasized about - his 'character' hopes to find my 'character' dead one day - but also seems to wish to kill her. That's the story that is messing me up.
posted by sweltering at 9:41 AM on January 19, 2015
posted by sweltering at 9:41 AM on January 19, 2015
The Korean-Japanese author Yu Miri was once successfully sued over a character in a story that was easily recognizable, so it's not impossible, but surely hard and costly. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 10:39 AM on January 19, 2015
posted by LoonyLovegood at 10:39 AM on January 19, 2015
Best answer: Respectfully, I do not have experience as a writer, but you may want to have a lawyer look into this for criminal and civil reasons. In the photography world, name and likeness is a very tangible line you do not cross unless you have a contract in place, and if I were to create compositions of my dead ex-girlfriend, I'd be out of fucking business pretty damn quick. Your ex sounds like he may end up in a hospital or in jail, but we have to fully recover from these situations as well, otherwise we might end up in there too, via anger or retaliation.
I also suggest you really ask for help in tracking and compiling the information as suggested above. I was in a situation similar to the one you describe, and my feeling is that any contact is bad contact. So for example, let's say you have a choice to "block" someone versus "reading but ignoring their messages." Sometimes you have to block people and simply delete their existence. Maybe pouring over his literature is just not something you are ever going to be comfortable doing, and so you should protect yourself from doing this. What I'm saying is when a friend calls you and gives you an update, maybe they can call someone else instead.
This will also help you focus on what is most important, what is in front of you. Not only that, but since you raise the issue of escalation, you will be able to address that better (via a proxy) in case anything more happens outside of the "literary world" he has created. As with any form of sustained abuse, you become used to it. I encourage you to constitutionally reject this as being a part of life that you have to respond to or "balance out with it" on some emotional level, adding that your main boundary be one of physical safety while you get help collecting information and pursuing other options.
I used to have a friend tell me to, "Look at your hands!" to snap me out of extended mind-fucks. If this is really weighing you down, do something celebratory with your husband. Good luck with everything.
posted by phaedon at 10:56 AM on January 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
I also suggest you really ask for help in tracking and compiling the information as suggested above. I was in a situation similar to the one you describe, and my feeling is that any contact is bad contact. So for example, let's say you have a choice to "block" someone versus "reading but ignoring their messages." Sometimes you have to block people and simply delete their existence. Maybe pouring over his literature is just not something you are ever going to be comfortable doing, and so you should protect yourself from doing this. What I'm saying is when a friend calls you and gives you an update, maybe they can call someone else instead.
This will also help you focus on what is most important, what is in front of you. Not only that, but since you raise the issue of escalation, you will be able to address that better (via a proxy) in case anything more happens outside of the "literary world" he has created. As with any form of sustained abuse, you become used to it. I encourage you to constitutionally reject this as being a part of life that you have to respond to or "balance out with it" on some emotional level, adding that your main boundary be one of physical safety while you get help collecting information and pursuing other options.
I used to have a friend tell me to, "Look at your hands!" to snap me out of extended mind-fucks. If this is really weighing you down, do something celebratory with your husband. Good luck with everything.
posted by phaedon at 10:56 AM on January 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Hey. Just in the interests of offering as many perspectives as possible, I was stalked by a guy I dated for at least ten years, and while I totally acknowledge that this is not fair and may well be what he wants, I just consider it a part of my life that I have to keep track of his movements as much as possible as long as we're both alive.
It's been over ten years since he's tried to contact me directly that I know of, but there have been a couple of fishy incidents since (getting hangup calls from his area about a minute after the phone company accidentally published my landline number, and the company he worked for calling me for an interview) where I was glad I knew where he was and what he was doing. If I hadn't known, I could have just shown up at his workplace.
So for your own peace of mind, I think it's actually a good idea to have your friends contact you when he's talking about you. In a way, maybe it's even a good thing that he's putting these things out there, so you at least have a chance to stay a step ahead. He's going to be thinking and fantasizing no matter what, and you're going to be on edge to some extent no matter what. May as well be as informed as you can reasonably be. And with your friends as intermediaries, you have witnesses and a little bit of a buffer so that you don't have to follow him personally.
It sounds like you need to maintain something of a public profile, at least more than I do, and I can't tell you where you draw the line between maintaining your personal safety vs. your personal freedom and your career. Make no mistake, though, that a creep like this will affect your life. It's not fair at all, but as long as he's out there, you are going to have to be a little more careful than you might otherwise.
Probably the minimum standard is to lock down your actual private information like your home address as much as possible--I periodically 'stalk' myself to see if some new privacy violation has shown up on the internet--and let the people close to you know. It sounds like they do, but it can't hurt to be explicit to the people you're close to who and what this guy is, just so somebody doesn't get sloppy and end up giving him fodder. My mom used to be my weak link, but fortunately, I caught her giving my contact info to someone I was OK with having it and was able to re-explain to her why that wasn't OK.
And I'm sorry. That is really scary, and it really blows.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:44 AM on January 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's been over ten years since he's tried to contact me directly that I know of, but there have been a couple of fishy incidents since (getting hangup calls from his area about a minute after the phone company accidentally published my landline number, and the company he worked for calling me for an interview) where I was glad I knew where he was and what he was doing. If I hadn't known, I could have just shown up at his workplace.
So for your own peace of mind, I think it's actually a good idea to have your friends contact you when he's talking about you. In a way, maybe it's even a good thing that he's putting these things out there, so you at least have a chance to stay a step ahead. He's going to be thinking and fantasizing no matter what, and you're going to be on edge to some extent no matter what. May as well be as informed as you can reasonably be. And with your friends as intermediaries, you have witnesses and a little bit of a buffer so that you don't have to follow him personally.
It sounds like you need to maintain something of a public profile, at least more than I do, and I can't tell you where you draw the line between maintaining your personal safety vs. your personal freedom and your career. Make no mistake, though, that a creep like this will affect your life. It's not fair at all, but as long as he's out there, you are going to have to be a little more careful than you might otherwise.
Probably the minimum standard is to lock down your actual private information like your home address as much as possible--I periodically 'stalk' myself to see if some new privacy violation has shown up on the internet--and let the people close to you know. It sounds like they do, but it can't hurt to be explicit to the people you're close to who and what this guy is, just so somebody doesn't get sloppy and end up giving him fodder. My mom used to be my weak link, but fortunately, I caught her giving my contact info to someone I was OK with having it and was able to re-explain to her why that wasn't OK.
And I'm sorry. That is really scary, and it really blows.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:44 AM on January 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Wait, you were "namechecked"? Does that mean he uses your full name in these stories? If so, that's a whole other deal. If he is writing creepy stories about you, using your full name (not just your first name) that may be something to talk to a lawyer about.
I was under the impression your character had already died, but if he's writing about transporting your dead body someday, that's a whole other kind of creepy. That would scare the heck out of me too!
I'm flattered you marked my reply as best answer, but puzzled by it. It seems like my reply was really off-base, given what's come to light since.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:02 PM on January 19, 2015
I was under the impression your character had already died, but if he's writing about transporting your dead body someday, that's a whole other kind of creepy. That would scare the heck out of me too!
I'm flattered you marked my reply as best answer, but puzzled by it. It seems like my reply was really off-base, given what's come to light since.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:02 PM on January 19, 2015
I haven't seen any answer from a lawyer so far. IANAL, IANYL, but if you have the funds at all I would check with an attorney. Perhaps there's a low-cost legal clinic near you that you could try. The lawyer should be able to advise you whether you can get a protection order and/or stop him from using identifying details. The cops may not want to bother, but if your lawyer prepares a petition and puts it before a judge, the legal system will have to respond. And the lawyer won't do that unless she thinks there's a good chance of it being approved.
posted by tuesdayschild at 4:17 PM on January 19, 2015
posted by tuesdayschild at 4:17 PM on January 19, 2015
Response by poster: Ursula, the streisanding has held me back a lot - and you are very right about the gamergate-ness of it. Also, I just don't have much interest in mounting a counter narrative. That was a long time ago. We're both grown up.
And the stories aren't linear at all. Pretty much all focused on Horrible Mean Girl Getting Pregnant. Thanks for a laugh at suggesting satire.
*sigh* I guess I should go find a legal clinic. This really sucks.
posted by sweltering at 8:33 PM on January 19, 2015
And the stories aren't linear at all. Pretty much all focused on Horrible Mean Girl Getting Pregnant. Thanks for a laugh at suggesting satire.
*sigh* I guess I should go find a legal clinic. This really sucks.
posted by sweltering at 8:33 PM on January 19, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Is he writing anything in his stories that can directly link to you? You mention that he talks about your tattoos and your home state - but really, these are only things that friends and family would know about you. As long as he isn't posting super personal info or trying to contact you directly, I'd say just try your best to get it out of your life. Tell your friends that follow his work (and, why are they doing this?) to stop notifying you UNLESS he really does put in your full name, address, etc. Then, maybe it'll be restraining order time?
I'm sorry you're going through this. Any idea if he has similar victims, like other "characters" in his stories? Maybe he's mentally ill, but that's beside the point since you have no obligation to help him or save him from himself.
posted by Drosera at 7:27 PM on January 18, 2015