Employee busted her butt for me this year... non-creepy gift?

December 7, 2014 6:00 PM

I've looked through the archives, and all the usual websites, but I'm not finding what I'm looking for, and was hoping someone might have the perfect Idea - She's 26, my employee, and has taste that I don't have...

I have an employee that's been with me for 7 years - this past year, she took on a ton more responsibility, scheduled vacations around my (and the rest of the team) schedule, stepped in and took over for me when I was unavailable, and generally busted her butt for me. I'd really like to get her a more personalized gift than just the normal chocolates, etc that I give out to the rest of my staff this year in appreciation.. but I've got 2 issues I need some advice with..
1 - She's a typical 26 yr old living in NYC, making good money, and therefore has high end taste... think Tiffany, etc...
2 - am I putting myself in an awkward position if I give her an "expensive gift", and ask her to be discreet with the rest of the staff, since they are decidedly not getting something around $100?

So - I'd love suggestions for her, and advice on #2... Time off, a raise, etc are things that will happen, but that's not a gift (and neither is cash/check/gift cards :)

posted by niteHawk to Shopping (43 answers total)

As regards to 2), are you a straight male? If so, it will be VERY awkward.
posted by redlines at 6:03 PM on December 7, 2014

A really, really nice bottle of champagne is never a bad gift to someone who drinks.
posted by joan_holloway at 6:04 PM on December 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

The only real answer here is money or time off. Are you looking for something in addition to a year-end bonus? In the $100 range maybe, a certificate for spa services and a day off to use them?
posted by kate blank at 6:09 PM on December 7, 2014 [7 favorites]

Just speaking as a woman around her age, I would appreciate some professional recognition much more than an expensive gift. If you're planning to give her time off/a raise anyway, I think the standard employee gift would be more appropriate.
posted by oinopaponton at 6:10 PM on December 7, 2014 [29 favorites]

Response by poster: LOL - yes, straight, married, and about 15yrs her senior. Hence my hesitation...
posted by niteHawk at 6:10 PM on December 7, 2014

My brother's girlfriend got a similar gift from someone at her place of work. They made reservations for her and my brother at a very fancy restaurant and paid the bill.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:10 PM on December 7, 2014 [9 favorites]

Uh, no.

If you want to reward her, give her appropriate compensation-type bonus - extra paid days off, end of year bonus check, etc.

Frankly, your idea sounds a little creepy and a little cheap.

Seriously, reward her with something professionally meaningful.

Stick to the generic employee gifts for the holidays. Don't single her out with a "gift" she has to lie to her coworkers about. That's not any gift at all, if you think about it.
posted by jbenben at 6:11 PM on December 7, 2014 [54 favorites]

I am firmly of the belief that gifts are not appropriate at work, even more so with a number of factors in this case. A bonus or time off, really, please.
posted by sageleaf at 6:15 PM on December 7, 2014 [6 favorites]

Yeah, no. Give her recognition through the official channels. Fight for a raise, for training, for opportunities to rise up the ranks. Argue for her getting a bigger bonus than the rest of the team, if that's an option.

Beyond that, the one non-creepy option open to you is a Starbucks gift card. And it sounds like this woman deserves more than Starbucks -- she deserves professional recognition for the awesome, kickass way she has performed in her career this year.
posted by pie ninja at 6:17 PM on December 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: There is no way to give extra days off, or bonuses.. I work for a very large company that doesn't do those things. As mentioned, I am working on a raise (which will still need to be within the standard guidelines, etc) but I'd like to let her know that I recognize her hard work, especially since the raise will be no more than 3% (just like every other year).

That being said, I agree wtih the last part - if she cannot mention it to her coworkers, than it's not a "gift"
posted by niteHawk at 6:17 PM on December 7, 2014

Best answer: Depends on your company framework. If you're not in a position to push training or HR benefits, and it has to come from you personally, a useful gift would be paying for membership or a subscription to something relevant to her work. I was lucky this year to be able to use my training budget on a PMP course for a much-valued employee, and I've just bumped another outstanding person to the top of our scholarship queue for next year to recognise and reward her work, as well as a handwritten card. For another guy, I went out and bought several management books he's interested in as a thank you.
posted by viggorlijah at 6:18 PM on December 7, 2014 [12 favorites]

Best answer: I agree with roomthreeseventeen, I have received a Christmas gift/bonus in the form of a paid dinner at a very posh restaurant. Basically, I was asked to make a reservation and give the details to the executive assistant, who called the restaurant and arranged to prepay the bill (well, give the restaurant an account number to charge the dinner to when it happened).

Alternately, you can get a gift certificate from any restaurant, whether they advertise them or not. Basically, you talk to the hostess/house manager, give them the money, and they write a letter or create a gift certificate and the recipient can use it at their leisure (we got lots of letters from restaurants, entitling us to up to $XX toward dinner as wedding gifts).
posted by crush-onastick at 6:18 PM on December 7, 2014

The way you reward employees that go above and beyond is with promotions and raises.

Also, money is the best gift. If you're not in a place to do a nice gift (and $100 is the floor, not extra,) then don't bother. It sounds horrible but a shitty, cheap gift is worse than none at all. If my boss gave me a box of chocolates for the holidays I'd be annoyed, not pleased. I would re-gift instantly.

In this scenario, just give whatever you were giving to everyone and let it alone. If it has to be around $10, a Starbucks gift card is the way to go.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:22 PM on December 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: I feel like I'm the only person (besides viggorlijah) that works for a large company.. where the heck do all of you work that your boss has ultimate authority to promote you at any time? :-)

Official channels will amount to 3% raise, no promotion (there's no "opening"), etc. viggorlijah sounds like s/he knows the drill...
I have the ability to send her to conferences, etc - but my boss believes that everyone gets to go to one a year, it's not something that's unexpected.
I have a pretty sizable training budget.... although I do send my staff to training, maybe I can find something specific to her skillset...

I really like the restaurant idea, and a handwritten note... that might just be enough...
posted by niteHawk at 6:23 PM on December 7, 2014 [5 favorites]

My boss has given me gift certificate for a massage and another time my holiday card had a $100 & $50 dollar bills in it. The larger denominations are cool since I'm not usually going to have more than $20s. Made it feel cool and a bit more special.
posted by HMSSM at 6:27 PM on December 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Best answer: You might let her know that you'd like to recognize the way she's been stepping up by sending her to an extra training that will be of use to her, and ask her whether there's anything she particularly wants or knows she needs. I know I would appreciate being asked that.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:37 PM on December 7, 2014 [6 favorites]

Best answer: Your best bet might be to write her a thank you note saying how much you appreciate her taking on additional responsibilities and just generally kicking ass at work. A gift is going to come across as creepy.
posted by foodgeek at 6:39 PM on December 7, 2014 [6 favorites]

Best answer: I like the suggestion of management books, maybe, if you think she'd be interested.

Have you asked her what her career goals are and how you could help her further them? I understand that you work at a large firm and she won't get promoted tomorrow, but surely you can help her get specific experiences (training, projects, whatever) that help get her into a position to be promoted when an opening develops.

I think you actually have a retention problem in the making here. Someone who's busting their butt for a max 3% raise (in NYC!) and who doesn't have a path forward in their career probably won't stick around forever.

I should add that I do get where you're coming from, because I'm in a role where I don't control raises but do some staff management things. But I've seen good employees in other groups leave because they didn't feel like they had a path forward at our company, and it kills me, because if their direct supervisors had bothered to ASK the employees what they could do to support their career goals, we totally could have made those things happen.

IMO, the best thing to do is have a sit-down meeting with her to ask where she sees herself in five years, and what you can do to support her in those goals.
posted by pie ninja at 6:40 PM on December 7, 2014 [19 favorites]

It's about creating opportunities for your best employees. If you can't give her a good raise (3% is COLA, not a raise at all,) then you're basically telling this awesome resource that there's no way to do better in your organization. If she's truly great, she's going to leave for more money, or a better position or both. It's what I'd tell her to if her ask was:

I worked my ass off for my boss. I was hoping I'd get a new position or a raise out of it. I did get a nice gift card at Christmas, but it was $100. I know he bought it out of his own money, but it feels so small compared to what I've done for him this past year. His hands seem to be tied. I really like it here. How do I move up when even if I do a GREAT job, I'm not properly recognized?

And everyone here would say: DTMFA, get a new job that reflects your skills and experience.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:48 PM on December 7, 2014 [9 favorites]

Best answer: Since you are a straight, older male and she is a young woman, I think any note you send should be to-the-point and brief. I definitely think a simple thank you and acknowledgement of her hard work is good and in some way better than a gift, but don't go overboard. Nothing like, "I don't know what I'd do without you" or "the office is a better place with you here" or anything that sounds like it's about her. Make it about her performance. "You really stepped up this year and did a great job. Thanks for all the hard work!" A note with a gift certificate to a nice area restaurant would be nice.
posted by AppleTurnover at 6:49 PM on December 7, 2014 [14 favorites]

Response by poster: Interesting ideas, and seem to be in line with what I've been thinking.
3% isn't even a COLA.. .it's a slap to the face, but is what every single person here gets. Truth be told, no matter what I can do to keep her engaged, at some point (and I've had these conversations with her), someone will offer her enough money that it'll be worth the move from someplace "comfortable" to a new challenge.

I like the idea of a note, and dinner!

Thanks!
posted by niteHawk at 7:04 PM on December 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I have a management job. My business doesn't give bonuses. To my right hand person I give a hefty check from my own money with a very heartfelt holiday card message of major appreciation, plus usually something my employee wouldn't normally buy for themselves but would enjoy like a subscription to audible.com or the New Yorker or a pair of Bose earbuds or a Kindle.
posted by bearwife at 7:36 PM on December 7, 2014 [7 favorites]

Write a note to all YOUR bosses and tell them how great she is. Tell her you did so.
posted by nkknkk at 7:40 PM on December 7, 2014 [13 favorites]

Best answer: Does your company have formal recognition/awards? If not, it should, and you could consider creating a thing just for her, that will be useful in the future for occasions like this, a known channel to give a gift card to a team that's done well someone who's way over their targets, and of course, this employees who's taken on responsibilities and been such a huge force for good this year. Give it a name (ours was "FAB - far above and beyond" or whatever) and at the next group meeting, building meeting, holiday party, or whatever you have, stand up in front of the whole crew, tell them how essential this person's work was and how she did more than was expected of her so you want to recognize that and thank her, round of applause, here's a certificate, a thank you note, a $100 VISA gift card, and a company logo travel mug. Just a gift card slipped to her at her desk is kind of meh, but if you stand up in front of everyone and say "We appreciate Sue's excellence and team-player attitude so much that we're creating an annual award starting right now, just so we can give her something" that really does seem like you mean it. In some sense, it's the cheesiness of the ceremonial gifts that makes it better.
posted by aimedwander at 7:45 PM on December 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

I've worked in both large and small companies. In smaller companies, sometimes the boss got small personalized gifts for each person on the staff. CDs, books, etc. In the larger companies I've worked for, the boss usually gets a generic gift for all the staff. Starbucks gift cards, chocolates (cheap ones, everyone rolled their eyes at that one), a moderately-priced bottle of wine. That's for the holiday. Everyone gets the same thing.

Separately, they advocate for bonuses and promotions for the high-performers, give them positive and constructive reviews, and establish themselves as allies. My last boss didn't give me anything for christmas, but she fought for a raise for me and gave me a great review. When I left, she gave me a good reference. When I asked for advice, she gave it. From her, that made me far happier than any gift could have.

Unless you buy an xmas gift for everyone in your staff, you run the risk of placing her in an awkward position. If my male boss got me an unusual gift that I had to keep secret from the rest of the staff, I'd be uncomfortable and I'd wonder whether he was expecting something in return. I'm not saying that's at all your intention, but not knowing anything about how she perceives your relationship I'm going to say err on the side of caution.
posted by bunderful at 7:55 PM on December 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Maybe I don't have the correct perspective here, but if my boss gave me a check of his/her own money, I'd feel a little weird about it. I feel like it'd add performance pressure, pressure to not look for other jobs, pressure to not call in sick or do anything my boss might not like. People feel guilty about that stuff anyway, but if my boss gave me a big check, it'd be even worse. It's one thing being paid from the company, but it would be different if I felt like my boss was paying me on his/her own. I think some sort of gift certificate-type gift is clearly a holiday gift and a recognition of a job well done, without being personal or too pushy. But that's just me. It might, of course, depend on the size of the check and the salary of my boss though.
posted by AppleTurnover at 8:14 PM on December 7, 2014 [6 favorites]

I work at a large company where my boss has no authority to grant extra vacation days - but he certainly does have the authority to say that I can take time off and not enter it into the scheduling tool. Can't you do anything like that?
posted by the agents of KAOS at 8:37 PM on December 7, 2014 [7 favorites]

Money or vacation days. Giving anything else validates the Gervais Principle (management gives social validation instead of money and keeps the profits) and makes me lose faith in humanity.
posted by sninctown at 8:47 PM on December 7, 2014 [3 favorites]

Agree with the agents of KAOS - just because you can't officially give her extra vacation, doesn't mean you can't arrange some 'time off in lieu' in recognition of all the additional work she put in.
Also, write her an email thanking her for all she did (be detailed and specific, like you would in a positive reference) and cc in your boss, HR, and anyone else with influence over her future at the company.
posted by une_heure_pleine at 9:06 PM on December 7, 2014 [5 favorites]

management gives social validation instead of money and keeps the profits

And this is just sooooo common for women, too. Bust their butt, go above and beyond, move heaven and earth to help out their boss or supervisors and watch some male "go-getter" get the promotion/raise/opportunity that probably should have gone to them.

Not saying you're doing that. But, make sure you're spreading the good word for her to your superiors and let her know that you've added good marks to her file. I like the idea of the FAB award and the dinner out. Professional training and a sincere interest in her career goals are also great to do as a reward for her dedication and effort. You sound like a good boss, this is just a tricky area.
posted by amanda at 9:20 PM on December 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

Do you have professional connections that could help her career goals? You could give her the gift everyone's getting and then, separately, have a conversation like, "Hedwig, we couldn't have made it through this year without you. I know eventually you'd like to get into supply chain management, and I have a friend from business school who's the head of logistics at Firestone. She's a great gal and I know she'd love to talk to you about breaking into the field over lunch sometime. If you'd be interested, it'd be my pleasure to set that up for the two of you - my treat. Of course I want to keep you on the team here as long as I can, but with the kind of work ethic and skills you showed us this past year, it's clear you're going to be ready for bigger things at some point."

(If Ms. Firestone has already agreed, of course.)
posted by lakeroon at 10:17 PM on December 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

A Starbucks gift card for $50-$100.
posted by discopolo at 10:35 PM on December 7, 2014

Like Bearwife suggests, I don't see why a large-ish cash gift would be a problem. Say $200 or so, with a heartfelt card, and give the normal gift to your staff who have not stepped up to the same extent. This is complexly normal in law firms, anyway...a lawyer pays from their own pocket a cash gift to their main assistant, with lesser gifts to other staff depending on how much they work together.
posted by HoteDoge at 11:46 PM on December 7, 2014

Every time a question like this comes up people chime in with "gift card". It's sickening: this woman has excelled at her job for 12 months, and she gets rewarded with a hundred buck gift card. No, no, no, no, no.

Giver her a pay-rise, that's what she's working towards after all.
posted by devnull at 12:15 AM on December 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Best answer: The bulk of my work history is in large companies, often alongside HR, so I really feel your pain here buddy.

I do think you should - and probably you are - filter responses here through the lens of yourself, and your relationship to this woman. Posters urging one particular course of action, or saying what would be creepy or not creepy do not have any visibility of your personality, your management style, or your relationship with this woman.

Things that I would do:

1) Nothing is wrong with cash, at least here in Australia.

2) Visible recognition of her work to a) broader team and b) your management and leaders. A note from them (leaders, senior mgmt) to her, recognising her contribution is likely to be well valued and received. The more senior, the better. You can informally draft the note, when you email them, include a little precis of what she's done that they can copy and paste. This is something you can do that won't get the rest of the team pissed off.

3) If you don't already, work on her development plan with her, and then get her something to help with that, e.g. introduce her with a mentor she can team up with (successful woman or someone working in the direction she wants to head, say 10 years or so ahead of her career progression. That shit is gold), purchase and send her on a course that would be useful, or buy her a voucher at a relevant training institution, membership of the relevant professional associations things like that.

4) You can get a personal thing, I feel, depending on your relationship if you know her well and know how it would be received. Things I have got for people or they have got for me include: Tickets to a show, rare signed books or first editions, tickets to sporting event, kitchenware for keen home cook.

I think generally experiences are safer than "things", especially avoid things that a romantic partner might get (eg Tiffany shit, no way jose definitely not), or things that are excessively gendered (again, Tiffany, no way).

Hope this gives you some ideas.
posted by smoke at 12:16 AM on December 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

If she is going to get a raise and/or promotion anyway, give her something else. I think ppl are being alarmist here about gifts outside of the professional pervue. At one job, when I'd gone above and beyond, my (older male) superiors all chipped in and gave me a gift card worth a few hundred dollars for a spa that I love. I found nothing creepy about it and very much appreciated it.
posted by violetk at 12:27 AM on December 8, 2014

Holiday gifts shouldn't be tied to performance. I'd feel really weird if my boss gave everyone the same standard gift but gave me (or a coworker) something significantly pricier for going above and beyond. Give her whatever you're giving everyone else, and find a more "official," professional way to express your appreciation. It doesn't have to be now, so keep an eye out for opportunities down the line.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:35 AM on December 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

For someone already making good money, $100 is a an insult based on what you've told us about how far above and beyond she's gone. A heart-felt thank you card is going to mean way more than a "cheap" (to someone with expensive tastes) gift.
posted by missmagenta at 4:15 AM on December 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

I work for a large corporation and I am in your assistant's place (and have been for years). I think you need to research more official channels.

For lat year I got something called an "excellence award" which was tied to a 300$ bonus (our complany bases the bonus amount for the excellence award on years of service), and I can put that on my resume. There's also an understanding with my boss that if i apply for other jobs in the company to move up, she will support me.

While this gift is not as sexy as a fancy dinner, it give me company wide recognition (I think there's a limit to how many of these things can be handed out each year) and looks really good if I go for other positions within the company.
posted by WeekendJen at 6:15 AM on December 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

3% is COLA, not a raise at all

I wish someone would tell my (large) company this. 2.5% is what a sterling review earns you around here. If you want more your only recourse is to move to another position--assuming that's even possible.
posted by pullayup at 7:25 AM on December 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Ultimately it comes down to what motivates your employee.

Since you can't give a meaningful amount of money and can't easily effect raises/promotions I'll leave that off.

If she values what her peers think of her, then use company appropriate means (e-mail distro lists, department recognition) to praise her.

If she values what management thinks of her then praise her in e-mail to your relevant managers and either BCC her or forward her the sent message so that she knows she is being acknowledged.

If she values days off, then almost any manager of a salaried person has the ability to say take the time off and don't record it (I realize this may not be true for jobs with some precise scheduling things like Health Care).
posted by mmascolino at 7:29 AM on December 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

She didn't do these things because she is nice, she did them to advance professionally and to prove her worth to the company. This isn't a hobby. She has worked her entire adult life for this company by my maths, don't waste that experience or loyalty by letting it (making it) leave. The professional suggestions above are spot on, and I know I would love to be sent for certification in something I was already good at for example, that can often be more expensive than just training (like get her Agile certified or whatever is in now). I like the idea of a FAB-award too, things like that can be put in a CV. A letter of reccommendation to her personel file or to her personally would also fit that sort of bill, a small personal note is no use to her. Heartfelt verbal thanks are lovely, but again not useful.

When you praise her to your colleagues and your own bosses please be sure and phrase what she has done in specific, professional terms. Don't talk about her busting her butt or "stepping in", she was interim manager (or whatever it is you are).
posted by Iteki at 7:45 AM on December 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

If she is getting more vacation/raise coming you may want to mention that near the holidays, seems like that will add to whatever it is that you get her in the first place. I feel like if you got her a nice gift around the same price as the other people in the office, maybe a little more, and then give her a card telling her about the raise/added time off, she would be over the top happy for the holidays.

Just my opinion though.
posted by SCarey at 9:28 AM on December 19, 2014