Missing Thanksgiving
November 23, 2014 1:33 PM Subscribe
I have to be on call with work on Thanksgiving, and I have a good reason to believe I'm going to have to do several hours of work that day (via VPN). Assuming this means I have to skip the family Thanksgiving dinner, what can I do to sort of celebrate the holiday at home?
I would go to the usual big family dinner thing that my aunt hosts, but it's out in the middle of nowhere, more than an hour's drive from home, and if I get stuck doing an all-nighter, I don't want to be trapped at her house. I also have reservations about the reliability of my aunt's internet connection, which I need to do my job.
So it seems like the most reasonable thing to do is to just say I can't make it and stay home. Family will be a bit miffed, but I can't see a way I could attend this dinner without being anxious and uncomfortable the whole time. One of my friends who lives a 20 minute cab ride from home offered to let me attend her dinner, which I think I could pull off. I don't have roommates or an S.O.
How can I make the best of this situation?
I would go to the usual big family dinner thing that my aunt hosts, but it's out in the middle of nowhere, more than an hour's drive from home, and if I get stuck doing an all-nighter, I don't want to be trapped at her house. I also have reservations about the reliability of my aunt's internet connection, which I need to do my job.
So it seems like the most reasonable thing to do is to just say I can't make it and stay home. Family will be a bit miffed, but I can't see a way I could attend this dinner without being anxious and uncomfortable the whole time. One of my friends who lives a 20 minute cab ride from home offered to let me attend her dinner, which I think I could pull off. I don't have roommates or an S.O.
How can I make the best of this situation?
Go to the family dinner. If you get called you can either work from there. If the internet connection stinks you're probably within your right to say to your work "Hey listen, my connection sucks so I can either drive home for an hour and work on the issue then or can this wait until tomorrow?"
Or if dinner stinks and you get paged, you can use it as a legitimate excuse to head out.
Or, you can stay home and be miserable. But what if you stayed home and didn't get called to work?
posted by eatcake at 2:00 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
Or if dinner stinks and you get paged, you can use it as a legitimate excuse to head out.
Or, you can stay home and be miserable. But what if you stayed home and didn't get called to work?
posted by eatcake at 2:00 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm missing the family thanksgiving gathering because of health issues. And I'm utterly heartbroken about it. But I'm going to make my favorite family gathering foods, and eat like a pig, and watch football, and yell at the tv, and do my best to make the best of it. I'll probably arrange to Facetime with the family via my mother's iPad, and if that doesn't work, I'll just call my grandmother's house and talk to as many relatives as I can stand.
I keep hanging on to what Daddy tells me: This, too, shall pass.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2014
I keep hanging on to what Daddy tells me: This, too, shall pass.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2014
Could you either go to your family's after work or invite some family members to spend the night at your place for a low-key post-Thanksgiving celebration? Do you have to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, too?
It sounds like your friend's invite would be a good alternative, even if it's not your first choice. If anything, it can give you more insight into your friend's life and appreciation for your family's celebration over the years.
I'd normally suggest something like taking a fun day off where you go do what you want: go out eat or get take away, watch a few seasons of your favorite show, and the like. However, it sounds like you'd really like to connect with your family at this time. I think Mizu's idea of videochatting is great if you're interested. Or, if you'd like a low-tech option, how about writing notes of appreciation to family members during the regularly scheduled meal? You could connect in spirit and then later on in person when you share the notes.
posted by smorgasbord at 3:16 PM on November 23, 2014
It sounds like your friend's invite would be a good alternative, even if it's not your first choice. If anything, it can give you more insight into your friend's life and appreciation for your family's celebration over the years.
I'd normally suggest something like taking a fun day off where you go do what you want: go out eat or get take away, watch a few seasons of your favorite show, and the like. However, it sounds like you'd really like to connect with your family at this time. I think Mizu's idea of videochatting is great if you're interested. Or, if you'd like a low-tech option, how about writing notes of appreciation to family members during the regularly scheduled meal? You could connect in spirit and then later on in person when you share the notes.
posted by smorgasbord at 3:16 PM on November 23, 2014
What does "on call" mean for you? Is there any way that you can proactively take care of things during Thanksgiving morning, such that you could safely plan on spending a few hours at your aunt's? It might help you be less nervous about having work to do if you planned in advance that you'd leave home at noon, be at your aunt's from 1-5, and be home by 6, with plans to spend the late night doing work.
posted by aimedwander at 3:54 PM on November 23, 2014
posted by aimedwander at 3:54 PM on November 23, 2014
Okay I'm back with more thoughts.
(I, too, have a mostly online job with really weird hours that has absolutely no regard for American holidays so even if I've managed to be somewhere with internet it's still a pain, and I've got a fair amount of practice being on the fringes of holidays I can't celebrate without massive guilt because I was raised Jewish, and so-on...)
Sometimes if I'm cranky about not having the perfect mellow yummy family Thanksgiving that I want to be having it's worse to give myself paltry imitations by watching the parade on tv and making origami turkeys and eating mashed potatoes out of a giant bowl on my couch. So if you're just bitter about the whole affair, screw it! Get sushi, or whatever your favorite treat-yourself food is. Don't put pants on for the whole day. Watch completely unrelated movies, like summer vacation flicks or satisfying crime dramas. Treat it like an awesome non-holiday day where it's just total me-time. (Well, you-time.)
Then plan a non-occasion visit to your family. There's basically the first three weeks of December in there where a visit will be calm and low stress specifically because nobody wants to do a holiday level thing even if family is visiting. Let them really know you're not in it for the pie but for their company.
posted by Mizu at 4:22 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
(I, too, have a mostly online job with really weird hours that has absolutely no regard for American holidays so even if I've managed to be somewhere with internet it's still a pain, and I've got a fair amount of practice being on the fringes of holidays I can't celebrate without massive guilt because I was raised Jewish, and so-on...)
Sometimes if I'm cranky about not having the perfect mellow yummy family Thanksgiving that I want to be having it's worse to give myself paltry imitations by watching the parade on tv and making origami turkeys and eating mashed potatoes out of a giant bowl on my couch. So if you're just bitter about the whole affair, screw it! Get sushi, or whatever your favorite treat-yourself food is. Don't put pants on for the whole day. Watch completely unrelated movies, like summer vacation flicks or satisfying crime dramas. Treat it like an awesome non-holiday day where it's just total me-time. (Well, you-time.)
Then plan a non-occasion visit to your family. There's basically the first three weeks of December in there where a visit will be calm and low stress specifically because nobody wants to do a holiday level thing even if family is visiting. Let them really know you're not in it for the pie but for their company.
posted by Mizu at 4:22 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: "On call" means that if something happens I have to be able to open my work computer, run a bunch of commands, puzzle over the output, then run more commands, and talk to my coworker over the phone or in chat to figure out a solution. I've been explicitly told that the piece that is my responsibility at work has been identified as a failure point so I need to be prepare to respond when something goes wrong. I'm just assuming it will.
I'm afraid of going to the family dinner mainly mainly because it's far away. It might be a two hour drive back home depending on traffic, and in the event that something bad happens, I want to be able to relax and not have to stress about getting back to the dinner to avoid being rude. If I end up having to do five hours of work during dinner time, it also pretty much defeats the purpose of going at all.
I also don't really trust my aunt, who lives in a far-flung suburb, to have a reliable internet connection. My family is older and generally does not understand computers or how it is even possible for a person to be working remotely. When I've tried to explain this situation to them, the response is something like, "But wait... how are you going to get into the office? Do you need to borrow a car?" Everyone was really confused when I asked about the wi-fi connection at the house, like I was asking them some incredibly complex technical question that was impossible to answer. So my lack of faith is based in reality.
posted by deathpanels at 8:33 PM on November 23, 2014
I'm afraid of going to the family dinner mainly mainly because it's far away. It might be a two hour drive back home depending on traffic, and in the event that something bad happens, I want to be able to relax and not have to stress about getting back to the dinner to avoid being rude. If I end up having to do five hours of work during dinner time, it also pretty much defeats the purpose of going at all.
I also don't really trust my aunt, who lives in a far-flung suburb, to have a reliable internet connection. My family is older and generally does not understand computers or how it is even possible for a person to be working remotely. When I've tried to explain this situation to them, the response is something like, "But wait... how are you going to get into the office? Do you need to borrow a car?" Everyone was really confused when I asked about the wi-fi connection at the house, like I was asking them some incredibly complex technical question that was impossible to answer. So my lack of faith is based in reality.
posted by deathpanels at 8:33 PM on November 23, 2014
You can join some of us for a chat for at least part of the the day on the Second Annual MST3K Turkey Day Marathon Chat.
posted by Beti at 10:20 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Beti at 10:20 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Do you know people who cook a lot and will have tons of leftovers? Can you ask to come by the next day and help demolish them? Perhaps your family would be happy to set aside some portions of your favorites for you.
If you cook, pick your favorite Thanksgiving foods and seriously just make your own. My favorites are mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry sauce. So you know, I make those three things, and I eat them, and it's great. You can find turkey backs and parts in stores now - they're perfect for making just enough stock for gravy.
If it's the family togetherness that you love, do you have a family member attending the big dinner who is technically savvy? Could you set up some facetime, or a video chat for a bit? Every year I do manage the family Thanksgiving, we end up doing big round-robin phone calls to other clumps of our extended family, and in recent years video chat has been an occurrence. I know you're concerned about your aunt's internet, but maybe phone networks will be better? Ask them to call you in that period after dinner and before dessert. That seems to be best.
Don't stress too much about this. Tradition is vastly more malleable than you might think.
posted by Mizu at 1:51 PM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]