Interviewing future housemates
November 20, 2014 7:09 AM Subscribe
When looking for a new place to live, there is a question I want to ask my potential future housemates, but I can't figure out how to phrase it. My best attempt so far is "How particular is your household about doing things a certain way?" or perhaps "How many high-maintenance things do you have in your house, and what kind of care do they need?" Basically I'm asking how nitpicky people are, but I want to ask in a neutral way.
I'm talking about issues like:
- Do you care if every single thing gets recycled (or composted)? If you notice someone putting something in the trash that could be recycled (or composted), will you say something to them?
- Does it matter if the silverware goes pointy side up or pointy side down in the dishwasher?
- Are there a lot of fragile kitchen items that need to be washed by hand, or knives that can only be used on certain cutting boards, or separate towels for drying hands vs. drying dishes?
- Do you have to use a coaster every single time you put a glass down on the coffee table?
- If you buy something for all housemates to share, is it important to split the price evenly down to the last penny, or is it okay to round to the nearest dollar?
- Do you have to check in with others before using the common space?
- If you're having a guest over for the night, do you need to ask every housemate for permission first?
- If you notice that a particular person left the door unlocked or the living room light on, will you send a text message reminding that person not to do those things?
I'm exhausted just thinking about all these rules! I want to live with people for whom these things just... aren't that big a deal. Overall cleanliness is still important, but I don't care how people clean, and I'd like the routine to not take too much time or energy.
Part of this is about how nitpicky vs. laid-back a household is. Another part is about how many fragile or high-maintenance objects there are to remember to take care of. Yet another part is about micromanagement and structure, whether it's okay to do things a different way, vs. flexibility and adapting to change.
What I'm getting at is that for a given level of cleanliness or communication, some people are very particular about how things are done, while others aren't. But everyone thinks they're "normal" - probably very few people would self-identify as "overbearing" or "nitpicky," because to them it's "just how things are done."
Furthermore, people may be very willing to communicate about e.g. how to load the dishwasher, and correct you when you do it wrong... but I want it to not matter much in the first place, as long as the dishwasher still gets loaded and emptied regularly.
So how can I ask potential future housemates this question in a neutral way, without giving away the answer I'm looking for?
I'm talking about issues like:
- Do you care if every single thing gets recycled (or composted)? If you notice someone putting something in the trash that could be recycled (or composted), will you say something to them?
- Does it matter if the silverware goes pointy side up or pointy side down in the dishwasher?
- Are there a lot of fragile kitchen items that need to be washed by hand, or knives that can only be used on certain cutting boards, or separate towels for drying hands vs. drying dishes?
- Do you have to use a coaster every single time you put a glass down on the coffee table?
- If you buy something for all housemates to share, is it important to split the price evenly down to the last penny, or is it okay to round to the nearest dollar?
- Do you have to check in with others before using the common space?
- If you're having a guest over for the night, do you need to ask every housemate for permission first?
- If you notice that a particular person left the door unlocked or the living room light on, will you send a text message reminding that person not to do those things?
I'm exhausted just thinking about all these rules! I want to live with people for whom these things just... aren't that big a deal. Overall cleanliness is still important, but I don't care how people clean, and I'd like the routine to not take too much time or energy.
Part of this is about how nitpicky vs. laid-back a household is. Another part is about how many fragile or high-maintenance objects there are to remember to take care of. Yet another part is about micromanagement and structure, whether it's okay to do things a different way, vs. flexibility and adapting to change.
What I'm getting at is that for a given level of cleanliness or communication, some people are very particular about how things are done, while others aren't. But everyone thinks they're "normal" - probably very few people would self-identify as "overbearing" or "nitpicky," because to them it's "just how things are done."
Furthermore, people may be very willing to communicate about e.g. how to load the dishwasher, and correct you when you do it wrong... but I want it to not matter much in the first place, as long as the dishwasher still gets loaded and emptied regularly.
So how can I ask potential future housemates this question in a neutral way, without giving away the answer I'm looking for?
@RB: I think that counts as giving the answer away.
posted by gorcha at 7:25 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by gorcha at 7:25 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
I'd maybe try, "Do you all have routines or protocols for things like how the kitchen is cleaned or for having overnight guests or for sharing food or toilet paper or whatever?"
posted by jaguar at 7:26 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 7:26 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
I bet if you ask someone "What is the correct way to load the dishwasher?" you will get all the answers you need about their level of fastidiousness.
Silverware up, except for sharp knives; everything facing in; large utensils laid down in upper rack.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:34 AM on November 20, 2014 [9 favorites]
Silverware up, except for sharp knives; everything facing in; large utensils laid down in upper rack.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:34 AM on November 20, 2014 [9 favorites]
Maybe you could ask what sort of conflicts they have had with housemates in the past, and what they've been about?
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:35 AM on November 20, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:35 AM on November 20, 2014 [11 favorites]
Just ask about household rules, and then prompt on a few: "what about overnight guests?" "How do you handle the kitchen?"
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:38 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:38 AM on November 20, 2014
Or similarly, what are their pet peeves, the sort of things people can do in a shared living situation that really get on their nerves.
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:38 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:38 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
I bet if you ask someone "What is the correct way to load the dishwasher?" you will get all the answers you need about their level of fastidiousness.
Or even "Do you care about how the dishwasher gets loaded?" you'd get the same thing. Keep in mind they will probably be trying to elicit this sort of information from you, so at some point you'll need to show your hand. Other questions along those lines
- Do you have a chore schedule/wheel/whatever?
- Do you have regular house meetings?
- How do you handle buying household shared items?
- Guest policy?
- Communicate with other roommates via notes, email, text or in person?
probably very few people would self-identify as "overbearing" or "nitpicky," because to them it's "just how things are done."
I think people past college age have a decent idea of where they fall on the spectrum. I am nitpicky about house stuff and so I live alone. I don't even think I could live with other nitpickers because a lot of it is just being rigid about personal preference (though I'm sure there are some people who feel that there's an objective truth to how to load the dishwasher, I am not one of those people)
posted by jessamyn at 7:39 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
Or even "Do you care about how the dishwasher gets loaded?" you'd get the same thing. Keep in mind they will probably be trying to elicit this sort of information from you, so at some point you'll need to show your hand. Other questions along those lines
- Do you have a chore schedule/wheel/whatever?
- Do you have regular house meetings?
- How do you handle buying household shared items?
- Guest policy?
- Communicate with other roommates via notes, email, text or in person?
probably very few people would self-identify as "overbearing" or "nitpicky," because to them it's "just how things are done."
I think people past college age have a decent idea of where they fall on the spectrum. I am nitpicky about house stuff and so I live alone. I don't even think I could live with other nitpickers because a lot of it is just being rigid about personal preference (though I'm sure there are some people who feel that there's an objective truth to how to load the dishwasher, I am not one of those people)
posted by jessamyn at 7:39 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
"Some houses are more, you know, meticulous, where others are more let's say 'laid-back.' On a one to ten scale, where one is meticulous like Martha Stewart and ten is laid-back like Animal House, where would you say this apartment fits?"
posted by feets at 7:40 AM on November 20, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by feets at 7:40 AM on November 20, 2014 [8 favorites]
I've lived with tons of roommates and I actually think this will become very clear over the course of the conversation, even if everyone doesn't come right out and say it.
People like you will use these words:
"laid back"
"chill"
"Not passive aggressive"
"easy going"
"relaxed"
"communication is important"
"share"
"Not Type A"
"It doesn't matter what your room looks like, as long as you respect the common areas"
People you're trying to avoid will use words like:
"We like to keep things neat" (as opposed to clean)
"respectful"
"responsible"
"We like to take care of our living space"
"jokes about everyone being a little type-A"
And then both groups will invariably tell the story of the "bad" roommate. The first group will tell a story about a person who got upset about various small things and left notes everywhere (always the notes!) and the second group will tell a story about a roommate who did horrid things to the common areas and also probably had a rampant drug problem.
You're probably overthinking this - I really think it will become clear. But the tell is the "Type A" comments - I swear to God I've never had a living-together conversation without that phrase coming up at least once. If you get to the end of the convo without them mentioning it (you won't) just say "So, would you guys say you're a little bit Type A, or..." and from the way they respond, you'll know.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 7:41 AM on November 20, 2014 [28 favorites]
People like you will use these words:
"laid back"
"chill"
"Not passive aggressive"
"easy going"
"relaxed"
"communication is important"
"share"
"Not Type A"
"It doesn't matter what your room looks like, as long as you respect the common areas"
People you're trying to avoid will use words like:
"We like to keep things neat" (as opposed to clean)
"respectful"
"responsible"
"We like to take care of our living space"
"jokes about everyone being a little type-A"
And then both groups will invariably tell the story of the "bad" roommate. The first group will tell a story about a person who got upset about various small things and left notes everywhere (always the notes!) and the second group will tell a story about a roommate who did horrid things to the common areas and also probably had a rampant drug problem.
You're probably overthinking this - I really think it will become clear. But the tell is the "Type A" comments - I swear to God I've never had a living-together conversation without that phrase coming up at least once. If you get to the end of the convo without them mentioning it (you won't) just say "So, would you guys say you're a little bit Type A, or..." and from the way they respond, you'll know.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 7:41 AM on November 20, 2014 [28 favorites]
"what's important to you about your home?"
"tell me about good roommates you've had / tell me about bad roommates you've had" (pay special attention to the "good" ones - what made them good? Obvious red flag if there were never any good ones)
"just trying to get sense of how you like to do things... say you're hanging out with your friends here and you've ordered a pizza and another housemate comes home while there's some left, would you expect that they'd help pay for the pizza if they had some of it?"
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:49 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
"tell me about good roommates you've had / tell me about bad roommates you've had" (pay special attention to the "good" ones - what made them good? Obvious red flag if there were never any good ones)
"just trying to get sense of how you like to do things... say you're hanging out with your friends here and you've ordered a pizza and another housemate comes home while there's some left, would you expect that they'd help pay for the pizza if they had some of it?"
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:49 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
I also think if you are looking for it, you can tell this kind of stuff when you are looking around the house. If you open a coat closet and all of the shoes are lined up in rows, I think there is a good chance they would expect you to not just throw your shoes in the closet in a pile.
The one that I think is a little harder to get a feel for is the money situation. Some people are laid back about the home environment and guests and things like that, but still very particular about making sure everything is split down to the penny. I think you can learn a lot about a household's money habits by asking how they deal with communal supplies like toilet paper or dish soap though-A group that is more laid back about finances might not have a well-defined system about this, but one that is more particular certainly will.
posted by mjcon at 7:52 AM on November 20, 2014
The one that I think is a little harder to get a feel for is the money situation. Some people are laid back about the home environment and guests and things like that, but still very particular about making sure everything is split down to the penny. I think you can learn a lot about a household's money habits by asking how they deal with communal supplies like toilet paper or dish soap though-A group that is more laid back about finances might not have a well-defined system about this, but one that is more particular certainly will.
posted by mjcon at 7:52 AM on November 20, 2014
I'd also question why you don't want to give yourself away. I think saying "I don't want to live in a house where people are concerned with how the silverware is loaded in the dishwasher" is a reasonable thing to say, and the people are either going to say "sheesh, us neither" or "oh, then you probably wouldn't really enjoy living here."
posted by feets at 8:09 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by feets at 8:09 AM on November 20, 2014 [4 favorites]
I think you'll be able to tell about where on the spectrum they are as you talk to them. I would ask what their ideal guest policy is separately.
I'd also ask for examples of a roommate situation that wasn't a great fit and one that was and why. Of if they can't think of one, a problem they've had with a roommate in the past and something they've really appreciated about a living situation in the past.
posted by geegollygosh at 8:09 AM on November 20, 2014
I'd also ask for examples of a roommate situation that wasn't a great fit and one that was and why. Of if they can't think of one, a problem they've had with a roommate in the past and something they've really appreciated about a living situation in the past.
posted by geegollygosh at 8:09 AM on November 20, 2014
Response by poster: I think it's easy to confuse being laid-back with being messy or "willing to put up with just about anything" (which I'm not). I do think it's important to be responsible and take care of the living space, so those words could definitely be compatible with what I'm looking for.
Even with something like a chore wheel, a household could be really stringent about how each chore is done (specific cleaning solution, separate sponges, procedures about whether you wring out the sponges and where you put them to dry) and people will correct you if you do it wrong, or it could just be "make it so the counters are clean to the touch."
Some other options I thought of just now:
"How important is consistency and predictability to you in your house?"
"How important is it to have things done right, or done the same way every time, in your house? What tasks fall in that category?"
posted by danceswithlight at 8:10 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Even with something like a chore wheel, a household could be really stringent about how each chore is done (specific cleaning solution, separate sponges, procedures about whether you wring out the sponges and where you put them to dry) and people will correct you if you do it wrong, or it could just be "make it so the counters are clean to the touch."
Some other options I thought of just now:
"How important is consistency and predictability to you in your house?"
"How important is it to have things done right, or done the same way every time, in your house? What tasks fall in that category?"
posted by danceswithlight at 8:10 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I ask about pet peeves regarding living space and/or roommate behavior.
posted by greta simone at 8:11 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by greta simone at 8:11 AM on November 20, 2014
So I would argue that you can make things mostly look clean without ACTUALLY cleaning properly. If you don't wring out the sponge, that's gross.
So you can tell which type I am.
My point being, if I hear someone refer to themselves as clean, I think of weekly vacuuming (or for wood and tile floors, streaming and then mopping). The most charitable way I'd describe "just clean it to whatever you think is clean" is "laid back".
posted by ethidda at 8:19 AM on November 20, 2014
So you can tell which type I am.
My point being, if I hear someone refer to themselves as clean, I think of weekly vacuuming (or for wood and tile floors, streaming and then mopping). The most charitable way I'd describe "just clean it to whatever you think is clean" is "laid back".
posted by ethidda at 8:19 AM on November 20, 2014
Asking people in a cheerful voice "are you a neat freak?" usually, for me, weeds out the type of person you're worried about.
posted by Melismata at 8:21 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by Melismata at 8:21 AM on November 20, 2014
How about asking something like, "So, we've all had conflicts with roommates, hopefully mostly minor ones, but sometimes they get bigger. What are the things that you've had conflicts with roommates about in the past?"
Ideally, both you and the interviewees are looking for a good, happy fit, so the motivation to lie should be minimal (though, obviously, some people are more focused on finding a place to live than finding the right fit, so it makes sense to be careful and not bias the answer.)
posted by spindrifter at 8:26 AM on November 20, 2014
Ideally, both you and the interviewees are looking for a good, happy fit, so the motivation to lie should be minimal (though, obviously, some people are more focused on finding a place to live than finding the right fit, so it makes sense to be careful and not bias the answer.)
posted by spindrifter at 8:26 AM on November 20, 2014
I'm not sure about neat freak comment. I'm messy, so I don't consider myself a neat freak. What I care about is cleanliness, not neatness. But I would answer yes to almost every single question in OP.
posted by ethidda at 8:29 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by ethidda at 8:29 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
If you're really serious about it, you can ask them for roommate refferals. This will not only give you an idea based on that person's referral, but it will also let you know if the person is honest because if you're willing to put in the effort, you will be able to check to see if the referral ACTUALLY came from a roommate, or if the person just got a family member or something to write it. You can even take it a step further because if you find out who one or two of their other roommates are you can cross reference and find even more roommates of theirs and check them out. You can do this easily via various online searches, facebook etc. (I'm in HR so we do this sort of "spy" work all the time to check out job applicants. This is why I no longer have a FB account.)
Anyone who asks all those questions in the first place is pretty nitpicky even if you don't see yourself that way. That's ok, but I can see why it's important to get a housemate that jives with you. I know you're looking for one golden question to sum this up with, but if you do that you're likely to get a too general response that may or may not even be honest. Are you looking for housemates via online postings? If so it's a good idea to post these questions up on the ad for them to answer when they email you. This will also allow you to weed out any non-serious people as those willing to answer the questions are likely to be more serious about their interest in the place. But if you grill them with questions in person, they are likely to feel interrogated and may not be interested after meeting. They are also more likely to try to give you the answer you want to hear if you ask them in person and they feel they don't have time to consider whether or not this is what they really want.
"So how can I ask potential future housemates this question in a neutral way, without giving away the answer I'm looking for?"
This hard to do. All they will have to do is look around the place and see how neat it is. If it's very neat, as soon as you ask a single question about their house habits they will know what you want to hear. Also, I feel that if you ask more than two questions about it they will automatically know you veer towards the neat side of the spectrum. People assume that someone who is very laid back about those things wouldn't bother focusing much on this because it's not very important to them.
" I want it to not matter much in the first place, as long as the dishwasher still gets loaded and emptied regularly."
I would just be direct and say this, but be specific about what "regularly" means to you. To some people leaving the dishes dirty in the sink for a few days before filling up the machine once a week is regular enough and to others that's sloppy. In my experience the only types of messy people who actually try to finagle their way into living with neat types are the ones that expect their crap to be cleaned up by other people. But the vast majority of slobs do not want to leave with nitpicky neat types nor vice versa. So the more direct you can be the better.
posted by rancher at 8:34 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Anyone who asks all those questions in the first place is pretty nitpicky even if you don't see yourself that way. That's ok, but I can see why it's important to get a housemate that jives with you. I know you're looking for one golden question to sum this up with, but if you do that you're likely to get a too general response that may or may not even be honest. Are you looking for housemates via online postings? If so it's a good idea to post these questions up on the ad for them to answer when they email you. This will also allow you to weed out any non-serious people as those willing to answer the questions are likely to be more serious about their interest in the place. But if you grill them with questions in person, they are likely to feel interrogated and may not be interested after meeting. They are also more likely to try to give you the answer you want to hear if you ask them in person and they feel they don't have time to consider whether or not this is what they really want.
"So how can I ask potential future housemates this question in a neutral way, without giving away the answer I'm looking for?"
This hard to do. All they will have to do is look around the place and see how neat it is. If it's very neat, as soon as you ask a single question about their house habits they will know what you want to hear. Also, I feel that if you ask more than two questions about it they will automatically know you veer towards the neat side of the spectrum. People assume that someone who is very laid back about those things wouldn't bother focusing much on this because it's not very important to them.
" I want it to not matter much in the first place, as long as the dishwasher still gets loaded and emptied regularly."
I would just be direct and say this, but be specific about what "regularly" means to you. To some people leaving the dishes dirty in the sink for a few days before filling up the machine once a week is regular enough and to others that's sloppy. In my experience the only types of messy people who actually try to finagle their way into living with neat types are the ones that expect their crap to be cleaned up by other people. But the vast majority of slobs do not want to leave with nitpicky neat types nor vice versa. So the more direct you can be the better.
posted by rancher at 8:34 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Basically I'm asking how nitpicky people are, but I want to ask in a neutral way.
Just...ask. You want to quickly weed out the people you're not compatible with so you can find the people you are compatible. Just be blunt and ask "Ok, how nitpicky are you guys about the household? We talkin' about texting people 'cause a light got left on or dishes weren't loaded in the dishwasher correctly or what?"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:50 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Just...ask. You want to quickly weed out the people you're not compatible with so you can find the people you are compatible. Just be blunt and ask "Ok, how nitpicky are you guys about the household? We talkin' about texting people 'cause a light got left on or dishes weren't loaded in the dishwasher correctly or what?"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:50 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't use the word "nitpicky" to describe the desire to always have the front door locked or knowledge of overnight guests however.
I think there may be two levels of laid-back you want to suss out-- the dishwasher level and the "stranger danger" level. (I personally do not care how the dishes get done or whatnot but would not want to meet a rando man in the hallway at 3 a.m.)
posted by travertina at 8:59 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
I think there may be two levels of laid-back you want to suss out-- the dishwasher level and the "stranger danger" level. (I personally do not care how the dishes get done or whatnot but would not want to meet a rando man in the hallway at 3 a.m.)
posted by travertina at 8:59 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
I don't think there's any reason to not want to 'tip your hand' or to phrase things totally neutrally. You guys are trying to find a good 'fit' from both ends, so I would lay out your ideal approach and see how people feel about it. In my experience, as long as you're talking about people who have had roommates in the past, most people know whether they are the slob, the laid back person, the neat freak, etc. And probably they want someone who is compatible with their approach as much as you do.
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:59 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:59 AM on November 20, 2014
Basically you want to ask a neutral question (e.g. "how particular is the household about the details of the common spaces?") followed by an example ("I mean, is there a specific way that the dishwasher should be loaded and how do you handle it if I do it wrong?")
One thing that might help you sound more neutral about it is if you gave example questions from both points of view, i.e. "If I had a kitchen pot with a fragile coating, could I give people a certain way to use it, or are things more rules-free?"
posted by aimedwander at 9:08 AM on November 20, 2014
One thing that might help you sound more neutral about it is if you gave example questions from both points of view, i.e. "If I had a kitchen pot with a fragile coating, could I give people a certain way to use it, or are things more rules-free?"
posted by aimedwander at 9:08 AM on November 20, 2014
I think the more you try to game this by coming up with the absolute perfect way to word it the more they're going to get the vibe that you're the weird, high-maintenance roommate, because the question will come out stilted and over-thought.
posted by MsMolly at 9:11 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by MsMolly at 9:11 AM on November 20, 2014
Though I'd ask directly, one reason not to "tip one's hand" is that the other party could misinterpret the question, and that could disadvantage OP in a competitive rental market. By asking how nitpicky they are about cleaning, OP signals she suspects she is less clean than they are and wants to know how big a problem this would be. That could turn off the kind of laissez-nettoyer households she seeks. That said, I think you could probably preface it with describing the kind of cleaning you do want to do.
posted by slidell at 9:40 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by slidell at 9:40 AM on November 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: one reason not to "tip one's hand" is that the other party could misinterpret the question, and that could disadvantage OP in a competitive rental market. By asking how nitpicky they are about cleaning, OP signals she suspects she is less clean than they are and wants to know how big a problem this would be. That could turn off the kind of laissez-nettoyer households she seeks.
Yes. This.
posted by danceswithlight at 10:03 AM on November 20, 2014
Yes. This.
posted by danceswithlight at 10:03 AM on November 20, 2014
For what it's worth, I'm not saying you couldn't describe yourself (or the people in the first group) as "respectful," "responsible," or willing to take care of the living space. I'm saying that when different types of people choose to self-describe, they'll tend to reach for different words, and I've noticed that a more rules-based approach to household maintenance tends to correlate with the second group I've listed.
That said, a house that is 100% clean & well run and 100% laid-back is a something close to a pipe dream - if I were you, I'd decide which of the two categories you're more willing to compromise on. Would you rather have a collection of roommates who get along without much friction, but who occasionally let the house get a bit ragged around the edges in ways that might grate, or would you like to have a house that is very clean and smoothly run, but where roommate tensions occasionally spike when one of the rules is broken?
Overall cleanliness is still important, but I don't care how people clean, and I'd like the routine to not take too much time or energy.
The thing is that when you're living with three or four or five other people, keeping things clean in a way that satisfies everyone *does* take time and energy, and it requires a lot more rules than when one is living on one's own. That's why people often don't like living with roommates. :/
posted by pretentious illiterate at 10:16 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
That said, a house that is 100% clean & well run and 100% laid-back is a something close to a pipe dream - if I were you, I'd decide which of the two categories you're more willing to compromise on. Would you rather have a collection of roommates who get along without much friction, but who occasionally let the house get a bit ragged around the edges in ways that might grate, or would you like to have a house that is very clean and smoothly run, but where roommate tensions occasionally spike when one of the rules is broken?
Overall cleanliness is still important, but I don't care how people clean, and I'd like the routine to not take too much time or energy.
The thing is that when you're living with three or four or five other people, keeping things clean in a way that satisfies everyone *does* take time and energy, and it requires a lot more rules than when one is living on one's own. That's why people often don't like living with roommates. :/
posted by pretentious illiterate at 10:16 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Seconding everyone who says the right way to ask this question is just "How do you handle X?" where X = doing the dishes, trash/recycling, shared expenses, keeping common areas clean, etc. That's absolutely neutral and means you are not putting anyone on the defensive. I guess you might get a little bit of sheepishness if the answer turns out to be "we don't really have a system for it" but if you like that answer you can say "great, actually, having really detailed systems for that stuff is not my style".
My roommates and I do at least half of the things you hate, and you would absolutely know it if you asked any of us any of those questions, and what would make it extra clear would be the level of detail of our answers (read: high). We would probably use some of pretentious illiterate's key words, too.
posted by capricorn at 11:04 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
My roommates and I do at least half of the things you hate, and you would absolutely know it if you asked any of us any of those questions, and what would make it extra clear would be the level of detail of our answers (read: high). We would probably use some of pretentious illiterate's key words, too.
posted by capricorn at 11:04 AM on November 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
If you are looking for a room in a congested area where there's a lot of competition for rooms (which seems to be the way in most big US cities these days), I don't think you need to worry about giving away the answer you're looking for. They're the ones with the upper hand and are choosing among many applicants, so they have little reason to pretend that they are what you are seeking if they're not.
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:12 AM on November 20, 2014
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:12 AM on November 20, 2014
I like the dishwasher question. Another question that will draw out the fussy is dishcloth or sponge? I once responded to a potential roommate saying I would do dishes and clean the bathroom, but preferred not to vacuum or take out the trash. We were successful roommates.
posted by theora55 at 12:46 AM on November 21, 2014
posted by theora55 at 12:46 AM on November 21, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
This isn't a quiz, you're asking a fairly important lifestyle question and if you're open and honest, the responder will be too.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:12 AM on November 20, 2014 [10 favorites]