Terrible food phobia. Please help.
November 8, 2014 11:43 PM Subscribe
I have a terrible phobia of tuna fish, particularly when it's covered in lots of mayo. Just being around someone eating it makes me gag and want to vomit.
I work at a small company where we all eat lunch together. If I see someone is eating tuna I have to make an excuse to leave the room. My coworkers are becoming suspicious.
My question is how do I deal with this? It's seems ridiculous that I feel almost embarrassed to talk about it and have trouble just saying the words "tuna" let alone talking about with a counselor.
Yet I feel so overwhelmed sometimes, I feel like something is wrong with me. Is there a way to overcome this obstacle on my own?
I'm an otherwise healthy and mentally stable person in a long term relationship.
Say you're allergic. Many people who have food allergies have uncomfortable reactions to the smell of that food. And of course, consider counselling.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 11:48 PM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 11:48 PM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
I don't think you even have to say you're allergic. It's totally fair to say something like, "Hey, no offense, but I'm sensitive to that smell! I'll be over there if you need me."
posted by evidenceofabsence at 12:06 AM on November 9, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by evidenceofabsence at 12:06 AM on November 9, 2014 [5 favorites]
I had a roommate who gagged at the smell of parmesan. So she asked me not to eat it around her. I was annoyed, but I avoided it when she was home.
I worked in an office that had a ban on microwave popcorn because one of the employees gagged at the smell.
I would just tell them as an aside remark.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:22 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I worked in an office that had a ban on microwave popcorn because one of the employees gagged at the smell.
I would just tell them as an aside remark.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:22 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I really think you would benefit from talking to a therapist. There are many ways you could hack your lunch hour but I have a feeling that this goes deeper than tuna fish.
posted by pintapicasso at 12:27 AM on November 9, 2014 [16 favorites]
posted by pintapicasso at 12:27 AM on November 9, 2014 [16 favorites]
I have similar feelings about (tinned) tuna, especially in combination with mayonnaise. I probably could not successfully eat my lunch next to someone eating a tuna mayonnaise sandwich. It definitely wouldn't be comfortable. Are you sure this is a phobia? Perhaps just a taste/smell issue. I don't think it's that weird. I think that admitting to your coworkers that you don't like it would be fine (you might want to do a bit of self-deprecatory eye-rolling) and would reduce the stress associated with the problem.
posted by beniamino at 12:36 AM on November 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by beniamino at 12:36 AM on November 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
Cognitive behavioral therapy might help. You aren't a bad person.
posted by vapidave at 12:38 AM on November 9, 2014
posted by vapidave at 12:38 AM on November 9, 2014
Tell them "I had some bad tuna once and now when I see or smell it makes me feel like I have to vomit."
I'd certainly explain it - people get twitchy if you won't eat with them. I'd very casually bring it up but not right before people were eating or on a day when someone had brought it.
Yet I feel so overwhelmed sometimes, I feel like something is wrong with me.
If you were coming to tuna phobia from some intellectual basis based on something time-cubey, hell yeah there'd be something wrong with you. But that's not the case, it's some visceral reaction probably based on eating some bad tuna once.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Cognitive behavioral therapy might help. You aren't a bad person.
You'd want a therapist with experience with phobias and desensitization.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:21 AM on November 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
I'd certainly explain it - people get twitchy if you won't eat with them. I'd very casually bring it up but not right before people were eating or on a day when someone had brought it.
Yet I feel so overwhelmed sometimes, I feel like something is wrong with me.
If you were coming to tuna phobia from some intellectual basis based on something time-cubey, hell yeah there'd be something wrong with you. But that's not the case, it's some visceral reaction probably based on eating some bad tuna once.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Cognitive behavioral therapy might help. You aren't a bad person.
You'd want a therapist with experience with phobias and desensitization.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:21 AM on November 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
I vote for a general statement--- "yes, sorry I need to leave the room" or "sorry, certain foods are too strong for me"
rather than a comment about vomit during my lunch.
And, yes I would add Evidenceofabsence's line about "I will be over there if you need me..."
This will convey that you really need to leave; it is non-negotiable; and that you are trying not to inconvenience anyone else.
And for what it is worth, I've known people who have had this as a temporary condition.
posted by calgirl at 1:36 AM on November 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
rather than a comment about vomit during my lunch.
And, yes I would add Evidenceofabsence's line about "I will be over there if you need me..."
This will convey that you really need to leave; it is non-negotiable; and that you are trying not to inconvenience anyone else.
And for what it is worth, I've known people who have had this as a temporary condition.
posted by calgirl at 1:36 AM on November 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
There are plenty of people (including me) who have had bad experiences with a specific food and then for a number of years afterward they can't smell it without revulsion. For me it was one of my favorite foods - artichokes - and it luckily faded away after about seven or eight years. But I wouldn't bat an eyelash at somebody who had this reaction to something as pungent and commonly considered at least a little gross as tuna. And even if it never went away like my issue did, I wouldn't question it, because some people are just sensitive about specific things. I've encountered enough people with odd food issues to not be offended by them dealing with it however they need to. Just because that's not your actual issue doesn't mean that you can't use it to explain your behavior. I promise to be not offended on everyone's behalf.
I do think though that if you can afford to get help with this problem, you should. Not for the sake of your coworkers, but for yourself. You do not have to overcome this obstacle on your own.
People have adapted to coworkers with really bad peanut allergies and similar problems. In this case I think your company's small size might be to your advantage. Explaining once or twice that you'll need to eat lunch elsewhere because of someone's sandwich will be plenty and soon enough everyone will know to cut you some slack and maybe bring in ham and cheese instead.
posted by Mizu at 2:05 AM on November 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
I do think though that if you can afford to get help with this problem, you should. Not for the sake of your coworkers, but for yourself. You do not have to overcome this obstacle on your own.
People have adapted to coworkers with really bad peanut allergies and similar problems. In this case I think your company's small size might be to your advantage. Explaining once or twice that you'll need to eat lunch elsewhere because of someone's sandwich will be plenty and soon enough everyone will know to cut you some slack and maybe bring in ham and cheese instead.
posted by Mizu at 2:05 AM on November 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Do you work with a bunch of cats? How often are these people bringing tuna that you have to back out of the room often enough they notice? Or is it that there's a hundred people and on any given day there's someone eating tuna and somebody else eating peanut butter and jelly?
Anyway, nthing you're not a weirdo. Lots of people have dicey relationships to certain foods. Lots of people loathe strong smelling items in the workplace in particular: curry, broccoli, last night's leftover salmon. It is a place where somehow it seems like people shouldn't be eating, so while we all do it it's always a little weird to be standing by the printer and smelling any food at all. I like tunafish with gobs of mayonnaise and I would still be pretty grossed out watching someone else eat it.
Assuming there's a small group and one of these people is just a great lover of tuna and gobs of mayonnaise, do you have a trusted co-worker out of any of these people who might be able to back channel it and say 'Anon is really embarrassed but gets ill at the smell of certain lunch items so s/he sometimes dines and dashes and is worried people are offended'. No need to target a particular person if it's a really small group. It's okay to be vague.
Can you keep a seat with your back to the bulk of the lunch room to minimize sight exposure, assuming you're already sitting far enough away to avoid the smell?
Do you wear glasses or contact lenses? Do you see without them well enough to get around and have lunch but not so that Tuna Eater is anything other than a blurry mess?
How about going out to lunch once a week with some coworkers so its clear you want to eat with them? For the most part just an occasional act of 'I like you' puts people at ease.
Other than that, reframing, finding a new way to think about it. I'm afraid of spiders and I joined a subreddit called /r/spiderbro ("Spiders are fun, mostly friendly creatures that just want to enjoy a good meal (albeit of flies) and chill like you do.") . It's all these pictures of spiders doing things like chilling out on people's keyboards. It genuinely has helped some.
I don't think it's crazy to talk to a counselor when something is affecting your life. Workplace relationships are important and this sounds out of hand. Don't worry about it sounding silly. If you can't find a way to manage it, see an expert.
Also, I Googled, 'how to get over finding certain foods disgusting' and found this which was interesting. Maybe intellectualizing this a bit would make it less visceral?
From the article:
Do we have the ability to change the things we feel disgusted by?
People don’t exactly know how this works, but acute exposure to something can have the effect of decreasing our feeling of disgust toward it. For example, if you go to medical school, you have to deal with corpses a lot because you’re learning human anatomy. As a result, your sensitivity to death-related solicitors [i.e. things] drops off a little. The key part of this, however, is that it is only for death-related disgust solicitors that the sensitivity decreases. Another example is that over time, mothers become less disgusted by the dirty diapers of their own child, but they remain disgusted by the dirty diapers of other peoples’ children. But what’s happening there isn’t conscious. It’s automatic. In general, there’s not a lot known about the ways we can deliberately or voluntarily make ourselves not be disgusted by things.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:42 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Anyway, nthing you're not a weirdo. Lots of people have dicey relationships to certain foods. Lots of people loathe strong smelling items in the workplace in particular: curry, broccoli, last night's leftover salmon. It is a place where somehow it seems like people shouldn't be eating, so while we all do it it's always a little weird to be standing by the printer and smelling any food at all. I like tunafish with gobs of mayonnaise and I would still be pretty grossed out watching someone else eat it.
Assuming there's a small group and one of these people is just a great lover of tuna and gobs of mayonnaise, do you have a trusted co-worker out of any of these people who might be able to back channel it and say 'Anon is really embarrassed but gets ill at the smell of certain lunch items so s/he sometimes dines and dashes and is worried people are offended'. No need to target a particular person if it's a really small group. It's okay to be vague.
Can you keep a seat with your back to the bulk of the lunch room to minimize sight exposure, assuming you're already sitting far enough away to avoid the smell?
Do you wear glasses or contact lenses? Do you see without them well enough to get around and have lunch but not so that Tuna Eater is anything other than a blurry mess?
How about going out to lunch once a week with some coworkers so its clear you want to eat with them? For the most part just an occasional act of 'I like you' puts people at ease.
Other than that, reframing, finding a new way to think about it. I'm afraid of spiders and I joined a subreddit called /r/spiderbro ("Spiders are fun, mostly friendly creatures that just want to enjoy a good meal (albeit of flies) and chill like you do.") . It's all these pictures of spiders doing things like chilling out on people's keyboards. It genuinely has helped some.
I don't think it's crazy to talk to a counselor when something is affecting your life. Workplace relationships are important and this sounds out of hand. Don't worry about it sounding silly. If you can't find a way to manage it, see an expert.
Also, I Googled, 'how to get over finding certain foods disgusting' and found this which was interesting. Maybe intellectualizing this a bit would make it less visceral?
From the article:
Do we have the ability to change the things we feel disgusted by?
People don’t exactly know how this works, but acute exposure to something can have the effect of decreasing our feeling of disgust toward it. For example, if you go to medical school, you have to deal with corpses a lot because you’re learning human anatomy. As a result, your sensitivity to death-related solicitors [i.e. things] drops off a little. The key part of this, however, is that it is only for death-related disgust solicitors that the sensitivity decreases. Another example is that over time, mothers become less disgusted by the dirty diapers of their own child, but they remain disgusted by the dirty diapers of other peoples’ children. But what’s happening there isn’t conscious. It’s automatic. In general, there’s not a lot known about the ways we can deliberately or voluntarily make ourselves not be disgusted by things.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:42 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I work at a small company where we all eat lunch together.
My apologies for missing this and then writing a wall of text. My answer then is 'initiate lunch out or drinks after work once a week' with regard to the 'smoothing things over' factor.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:44 AM on November 9, 2014
My apologies for missing this and then writing a wall of text. My answer then is 'initiate lunch out or drinks after work once a week' with regard to the 'smoothing things over' factor.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:44 AM on November 9, 2014
Please don't claim you're allergic. People with real, life-threatening allergies get taken less seriously because of the people who claim they have allergies to foods they don't like. I think people would be unlikely to believe you if you claimed that you had an allergy that required you to leave the room when tuna fish was being eaten anyway.
Just tell people you're sorry, it's a weird quirk, but you really just can't deal with the smell of tuna fish and would prefer to be elsewhere when it's being eaten. Canned tuna has a really strong smell and hating it is not uncommon -- folks will understand.
posted by phoenixy at 4:35 AM on November 9, 2014 [38 favorites]
Just tell people you're sorry, it's a weird quirk, but you really just can't deal with the smell of tuna fish and would prefer to be elsewhere when it's being eaten. Canned tuna has a really strong smell and hating it is not uncommon -- folks will understand.
posted by phoenixy at 4:35 AM on November 9, 2014 [38 favorites]
Get a little jar of Vicks Vapor Rub and keep it at work. If someone brings tuna fish, you can rub a little Vicks under your nose and you won't be able to smell it at all. Then all you have to do is not look at it.
posted by Jacqueline at 4:39 AM on November 9, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by Jacqueline at 4:39 AM on November 9, 2014 [11 favorites]
I'm the same way. Can't stand the smell of tuna or fish. I just get away from it.
But no one's ever been suspicious of anything whenever I've made an excuse to leave. I don't think they've really noticed. People don't like certain smells and a lot of people hate the smell of tuna.
posted by discopolo at 4:57 AM on November 9, 2014
But no one's ever been suspicious of anything whenever I've made an excuse to leave. I don't think they've really noticed. People don't like certain smells and a lot of people hate the smell of tuna.
posted by discopolo at 4:57 AM on November 9, 2014
Jacqueline's idea is great. I've heard nurses use the Vicks trick when dealing with changing bedpans or washing patients or when assisting patients in the bathroom who need to move their bowels.
posted by discopolo at 5:00 AM on November 9, 2014
posted by discopolo at 5:00 AM on November 9, 2014
If you claim 'allergy', people with real allergies will not believe you. But if you claim 'traumatic food poisoning incident', most people immediately get it. I have an aversion to crawfish because of past food poisoning, I can't stand the smell of it or to be around it, and people totally understand this when I say, backing away, "OMG, so sorry, I can't cope with crawfish, got so sick that one time, agghhh." - The strength of your aversion to tuna seems to suggest something like that anyway. And people are both generally sympathetic and anxious to avoid further details like how sick you got that time and in what mannner, how long you were laid up, and how close to death you felt etc. etc.
posted by tomboko at 5:14 AM on November 9, 2014 [20 favorites]
posted by tomboko at 5:14 AM on November 9, 2014 [20 favorites]
Food poisoning is an ok excuse. I would try to err on the side of anything that doesn't suggest "your food is gross" because that will defeat your purposes of trying to not hurt people's feelings.
"I have a weird hypersensitivity to the smell of tuna fish, it's just one of those things, I'll be over there" is perfectly fine.
Please don't feel like there's something wrong with you. Some smells/sounds just grab us by the throat and won't let go. I have a friend who has that same reaction to bananas, and there was no incident. She will straight up vomit if she shares airspace with one. It's led to some unpleasant experiences on airplanes, but otherwise, it's just...one of those things.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:02 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
"I have a weird hypersensitivity to the smell of tuna fish, it's just one of those things, I'll be over there" is perfectly fine.
Please don't feel like there's something wrong with you. Some smells/sounds just grab us by the throat and won't let go. I have a friend who has that same reaction to bananas, and there was no incident. She will straight up vomit if she shares airspace with one. It's led to some unpleasant experiences on airplanes, but otherwise, it's just...one of those things.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:02 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think people are missing that you can't even say the word tuna. You need to go to a counselor. Personally, from my non-professional standpoint, I would also say that you might consider something like going to Costco, buying a package of the things, and then just bring them home and put them on your counter. Look at them, pick up the cans, stack them, and so on (in the privacy of your own home). When you have completely become immune to the cans, open one every day and just spoon it out into a container. (You want it to be a container that can be closed so that you can throw it away and not stink up your kitchen.)
Not eating, not even touching or anything: just dealing with it as "yet another food item."
(I used to have a terrible time with doing dishes, because touching the food remnants disgusted me so much. I solved this by, first, getting gloves, which also helps with skin problems from washing dishes, and also volunteering to do dishes constantly so that I got used to it.)
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:03 AM on November 9, 2014 [10 favorites]
Not eating, not even touching or anything: just dealing with it as "yet another food item."
(I used to have a terrible time with doing dishes, because touching the food remnants disgusted me so much. I solved this by, first, getting gloves, which also helps with skin problems from washing dishes, and also volunteering to do dishes constantly so that I got used to it.)
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:03 AM on November 9, 2014 [10 favorites]
You can probably just say that you have a food aversion. It's fairly common for people to develop strong aversions to particular foods, for a variety of reasons including previous food poisoning. E.g. (but ignore the advice for overcoming them, if that's not what you want to do).
Please don't lie about allergies because it makes everyone just a little bit more skeptical about people with real allergies. I already know people in food service who tell stories of people claiming celiac disease who ask for no croutons in their Caesar salad but then order a beer.
posted by d. z. wang at 6:34 AM on November 9, 2014
Please don't lie about allergies because it makes everyone just a little bit more skeptical about people with real allergies. I already know people in food service who tell stories of people claiming celiac disease who ask for no croutons in their Caesar salad but then order a beer.
posted by d. z. wang at 6:34 AM on November 9, 2014
Claim allergies. It will get you the space you need.
Please don't do this. It sets up a boy-who-cried-wolf situation for people who actually do have allergies.
It really does seem like you have a problem. NB: 'problem' doesn't mean 'you are broken,' it means 'something that is interfering with your day to day life.' You don't have to overcome this on your own; a counselor/therapist with experience in phobias can help you deal with this, help you with coping strategies, and help you overcome the problem.
I like the idea above about buying some cans and desensitizing yourself.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:06 AM on November 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
Please don't do this. It sets up a boy-who-cried-wolf situation for people who actually do have allergies.
It really does seem like you have a problem. NB: 'problem' doesn't mean 'you are broken,' it means 'something that is interfering with your day to day life.' You don't have to overcome this on your own; a counselor/therapist with experience in phobias can help you deal with this, help you with coping strategies, and help you overcome the problem.
I like the idea above about buying some cans and desensitizing yourself.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:06 AM on November 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
consider something like going to Costco, buying a package of the things, and then just bring them home and put them on your counter. Look at them, pick up the cans, stack them, and so on (in the privacy of your own home). When you have completely become immune to the cans, open one every day and just spoon it out into a container. (You want it to be a container that can be closed so that you can throw it away and not stink up your kitchen.)
A lovely idea. Proposed amendments:
1. Go a bit slower: spooning out the container is a big step. Maybe start by just puncturing the can once, and then putting the can in a ziplock bag, carrying the bag out to the trash, and then returning to sanitize the can-opener.
2. Do you have cats? Do you know anyone who has cats? Are there stray cats in your neighborhood? Most importantly: do you LIKE cats?
Because if so, this might be a way to start feeling OK, or even good, about tuna being eaten by those near you. (Put the tuna down, retreat to safe distance.) When you want to escalate to mayonnaise, the cats may be even more happy to help.
posted by feral_goldfish at 10:47 AM on November 9, 2014
A lovely idea. Proposed amendments:
1. Go a bit slower: spooning out the container is a big step. Maybe start by just puncturing the can once, and then putting the can in a ziplock bag, carrying the bag out to the trash, and then returning to sanitize the can-opener.
2. Do you have cats? Do you know anyone who has cats? Are there stray cats in your neighborhood? Most importantly: do you LIKE cats?
Because if so, this might be a way to start feeling OK, or even good, about tuna being eaten by those near you. (Put the tuna down, retreat to safe distance.) When you want to escalate to mayonnaise, the cats may be even more happy to help.
posted by feral_goldfish at 10:47 AM on November 9, 2014
For the immediate problem of your "suspicious" coworkers, are you closer to any of your colleagues than others? You could mention to them that the smell of tuna makes you feel sick, and that's why you leave the lunchroom. Then, when it happens next time, they'll just relay that to your coworkers. Lots of people feel nauseous from certain smells, and tuna is certainly a common one. I, myself, can't stand the smell of bacon cooking; just be glad your food phobia is of something that people haven't developed worldwide obsessive fandoms of. Also, the Vicks suggestion or strong coffee or citrus to stem the smell if it is seeping out of the lunchroom are good.
I agree with everyone that you should go see a counselor if this phobia is truly causing you distress to the level you describe. I don't think it's a huge problem to find tuna and mayo gross. But it is a problem if you are so overwhelmed and embarrassed by it.
posted by bluefly at 11:15 AM on November 9, 2014
I agree with everyone that you should go see a counselor if this phobia is truly causing you distress to the level you describe. I don't think it's a huge problem to find tuna and mayo gross. But it is a problem if you are so overwhelmed and embarrassed by it.
posted by bluefly at 11:15 AM on November 9, 2014
One more person begging you not to cry wolf with a lie about an allergy or food poisoning.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 1:51 PM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Lesser Shrew at 1:51 PM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I have the same problem with grilled cheese, and it can actually be a problem because grilled cheese is so universally loved while tuna isn't. (I once had a woman tell me that not liking grilled cheese was the same as hating babies and she wasn't joking.) I can't be in the room when someone is eating it because it literally makes me gag. Over the years I've worked up a pretty effective shpiel, i.e., Oh gosh, I know it's weird but I'm really sorry I can't be in the room with grilled cheese, hahahaha, yeah, I know, it's really strange, I know I'm really unusual that way, and don't we all have weird aversions, etc etc etc, accompanied by apologetic facial expressions. So I sort of give them an opening to express their opinion about how weird it is, and that seems to diffuse any tension; people think I'm a little odd, for sure, but they don't get offended. And really, I think probably most people can relate to it, as most people have strong aversions to something.
posted by holborne at 1:59 PM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by holborne at 1:59 PM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
You've been given a number of elegant ways of avoiding the situation. Over time, however, avoidance tends to make phobias worse. Exposure therapy, if you can find it, would be great. If that's not an option, you might try some exposure on your own, as sonic meat machine and feral_goldfish recommend. If you do go that route, here's a video of a man treating a baked bean phobia. The therapist is trying to make the therapy more effective by encouraging him to engage with the beans, rather than avoid them by closing his eyes or turning away.
posted by MrBobinski at 5:16 PM on November 9, 2014
posted by MrBobinski at 5:16 PM on November 9, 2014
I used to hate tuna fish sandwiches, and eventually learned to eat them. I would still not eat mayonaisse because that stuff is gross, but we were in Amsterdam this summer and they put it on these fresh, hot, delicious french fries served in a paper cone, so I started eating it because hey, it's pure, EU regulated mayonaiise, not something sitting in a bin in a fast food place with a skin forming on top (I used to work in fast food). I'm 48 years old, so it is technically possible to overcome your aversion. I still hate mustard, pickles, and quite a few other common foods.
posted by mecran01 at 7:24 PM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by mecran01 at 7:24 PM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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