How do people choose whom to ask for directions?
November 7, 2014 11:06 PM Subscribe
Why does stranger A decide to ask stranger B for directions (or other small favours, like a light, or change for a bill), and not stranger C or D?
Specifically, in a city (I assume this decision would be made based on availability (i.e. this is the only person around) in the country or small towns). Maybe stranger B looks friendlier or more approachable and reliable than strangers C and D? What specifically factors into looking approachable? Demographics? Body language/facial expression? Are there any studies on this?
Specifically, in a city (I assume this decision would be made based on availability (i.e. this is the only person around) in the country or small towns). Maybe stranger B looks friendlier or more approachable and reliable than strangers C and D? What specifically factors into looking approachable? Demographics? Body language/facial expression? Are there any studies on this?
In my experience, Stranger B made eye contact with stranger A.
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:19 PM on November 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:19 PM on November 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Someone who looks friendly and non-threatening.
posted by thegoldfish at 11:24 PM on November 7, 2014 [15 favorites]
posted by thegoldfish at 11:24 PM on November 7, 2014 [15 favorites]
Someone who looks likely to carry small change, like the elderly or people with many kids. Asking a college kid or a business type for change will be fruitless.
posted by fiercekitten at 11:30 PM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by fiercekitten at 11:30 PM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I have a poor sense of direction and get lost often. I will ask anyone whom I don't expect to ask me for money afterward. I avoid beggars because I don't want to owe them a favor.
Other than that, I generally don't give much thought to whom I should best ask. In my experience, New Yorkers have been uniformly pleasant and helpful. People often not only give me directions, but remind me again when we get near my stop, or walk a block or two out of their way to get me through a tricky intersection.
posted by d. z. wang at 11:37 PM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Other than that, I generally don't give much thought to whom I should best ask. In my experience, New Yorkers have been uniformly pleasant and helpful. People often not only give me directions, but remind me again when we get near my stop, or walk a block or two out of their way to get me through a tricky intersection.
posted by d. z. wang at 11:37 PM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Eye contact. They're different things though. Directions = someone who looks like a local. Light = a smoker. Change = someone who looks sympathetic.
posted by headnsouth at 11:41 PM on November 7, 2014
posted by headnsouth at 11:41 PM on November 7, 2014
I am a woman. I always pick another woman. Usually someone of a similar age to myself, or older. Never someone who is walking fast or purposively, since I don't want to inconvenience them if they are in a hurry.
posted by lollusc at 12:30 AM on November 8, 2014 [16 favorites]
posted by lollusc at 12:30 AM on November 8, 2014 [16 favorites]
If I want directions somewhere unfamiliar I will almost always ask a little old lady or little old couple; they always seem to really enjoy explaining the best/fastest way to get somewhere and always seem very pleased to have been asked.
On the other side of the question, I am apparently both so approachable and so ambiguously ethnic looking that foreign tourists are constantly asking me for directions, confidently addressing me in their native languages and being confused and embarrassed by my tragic attempts at muddling through with vaguely remembered guidebook phrases and sadly well-remembered obscenities. It's weird because I usually have a very murderous look on my face and also walk very fast.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:02 AM on November 8, 2014 [6 favorites]
On the other side of the question, I am apparently both so approachable and so ambiguously ethnic looking that foreign tourists are constantly asking me for directions, confidently addressing me in their native languages and being confused and embarrassed by my tragic attempts at muddling through with vaguely remembered guidebook phrases and sadly well-remembered obscenities. It's weird because I usually have a very murderous look on my face and also walk very fast.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:02 AM on November 8, 2014 [6 favorites]
I've always been asked a lot, and I'm getting asked a lot more often now that and when I have my new baby with me - especially other women (all ages) and older folks (both sexes). I think I very much look pleasantly boring and safe, esp with a pram. Plus, it gives those prone to it an excuse to coo over the baby.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:39 AM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by jrobin276 at 1:39 AM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
I suspect it's intuitive rather than conscious but when I'm carrying a couple bags of groceries or sundries I'm more likely to be local and asked for directions and trusted to not be a thief.
Demographics are certainly a factor which fucking sucks for young black men and young men and men in general. The world was a different place in the five years when I was a step-dad with the kids in tow. It was a different planet really. Why is this woman smiling at me, why is that person saying hello?
People are exquisitely attuned to one another as well and I think that, depending on size of the population of the the city, town etc. there is a different range of response. In the larger cities that I have lived in eye contact is more likely to be construed as a threat or an invitation to be engaged whereas in less populous towns it's more of an acknowledgment of the passer-by.
posted by vapidave at 1:49 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Demographics are certainly a factor which fucking sucks for young black men and young men and men in general. The world was a different place in the five years when I was a step-dad with the kids in tow. It was a different planet really. Why is this woman smiling at me, why is that person saying hello?
People are exquisitely attuned to one another as well and I think that, depending on size of the population of the the city, town etc. there is a different range of response. In the larger cities that I have lived in eye contact is more likely to be construed as a threat or an invitation to be engaged whereas in less populous towns it's more of an acknowledgment of the passer-by.
posted by vapidave at 1:49 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
In the three years I've been in London it seems I can barely step out of the house (in Shoreditch) without being asked for directions etc. It's actually become a running joke...
I suspect it's because I'm a woman in my twenties who looks reasonably boring/non-threatening. The same reason why people always sit next to me on the bus. Meanwhile the boyfriend never gets asked unless he has the dog in tow.
posted by teststrip at 1:54 AM on November 8, 2014
I suspect it's because I'm a woman in my twenties who looks reasonably boring/non-threatening. The same reason why people always sit next to me on the bus. Meanwhile the boyfriend never gets asked unless he has the dog in tow.
posted by teststrip at 1:54 AM on November 8, 2014
I was in NYC once and bought a cheap winter hat since it was colder Ryan expected. The hat was very bright blue. about 15 people ashes me for directions that day- I attributed it to the fact that I was wearing an eye catching color and seem non - threatening (woman, 30ish at the time).
posted by emd3737 at 2:28 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by emd3737 at 2:28 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I usually will pick someone who doesn't look like s/he is in a hurry, someone who I believe is local, and doesn't look, for lack of a better word, off.
Once, when I was on a holiday with a (former) boyfriend, he made me do 100% of everything- figuring out directions, figuring out the itinerary, figuring out any changes to the itinerary if things didn't go as planned, even refusing to answer questions such as "What do you want to do now?" I got extremely fed up after a few days of this, and at one point refused to ask anyone anything and let him figure it out. Out of all the people in our vicinity, he went up to the one person who was clearly very sketchy and untrustworthy (whom I had noticed before when we were walking in the other direction because of how sketchy he looked) and asked him for directions. Everything from the state of his clothing to his demeanor to the way he responded to my ex's question showed that he was not to be trusted, but my ex decided to follow his directions anyway. (Clearly, they were bullshit.) Later, my ex told me his reasoning for choosing him was that he thought he would be trustworthy because the guy was Muslim. (He was wearing a taqiyah.)
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 2:38 AM on November 8, 2014
Once, when I was on a holiday with a (former) boyfriend, he made me do 100% of everything- figuring out directions, figuring out the itinerary, figuring out any changes to the itinerary if things didn't go as planned, even refusing to answer questions such as "What do you want to do now?" I got extremely fed up after a few days of this, and at one point refused to ask anyone anything and let him figure it out. Out of all the people in our vicinity, he went up to the one person who was clearly very sketchy and untrustworthy (whom I had noticed before when we were walking in the other direction because of how sketchy he looked) and asked him for directions. Everything from the state of his clothing to his demeanor to the way he responded to my ex's question showed that he was not to be trusted, but my ex decided to follow his directions anyway. (Clearly, they were bullshit.) Later, my ex told me his reasoning for choosing him was that he thought he would be trustworthy because the guy was Muslim. (He was wearing a taqiyah.)
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 2:38 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked for directions, a light, change (to break a bill), and the time a lot more than anyone I know. I've also been told I have a really friendly face, so I guess people look for someone who seems likely to stop and help.
posted by gursky at 3:52 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by gursky at 3:52 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked fairly often, even when I'm travelling abroad. I'm a woman, late thirties, of the boring / non-threatening style, white and middle-class looking. The people who ask me tend to either be like me in some way: either men and women of the same age, or women of all ages. Race also seems to be a factor. Basically, fewer men than women ask me for directions, and rarely is it someone of a different race.
When I need directions, I've taken to asking people of a different race. Interestingly, they often express surprise, which might indicate that as a rule, we tend to stick to our own race when approaching strangers for directions.
posted by Milau at 3:55 AM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
When I need directions, I've taken to asking people of a different race. Interestingly, they often express surprise, which might indicate that as a rule, we tend to stick to our own race when approaching strangers for directions.
posted by Milau at 3:55 AM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
I'm a mid-30s woman. I would look for another woman to ask, primarily. Beyond that if there were a wealth of women to choose from I'd look for someone who maybe didn't seem like I would be inconveniencing her too badly - someone not rushing to get somewhere, not wearing headphones, not in the middle of a conversation with someone else, not trying to juggle a small child and a bag of groceries, etc.
posted by Stacey at 4:09 AM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Stacey at 4:09 AM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
I've told my kid to find another parent with children if he's lost, since someone with kids is more likely to be sympathetic and less likely to be sketchy on axes that a preschooler might not pick up on.
For myself, it depends on where I'm lost. If I'm in a country where I confidently speak the language, I'd be looking for someone that looked local and not busy. Say, waiting for a bus or watching kids at a playground. When I got confused by overlapping train stations in Tokyo, I caught an American-looking businessman who seemed to know where he was going.
I work at a college and get asked directions all the time, parents seem to like to pick someone between their age and their child's.
Eye contact is another biggie. Sometimes I notice someone looking lost and can get them to approach, or not, by meeting or avoiding their gaze.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:53 AM on November 8, 2014
For myself, it depends on where I'm lost. If I'm in a country where I confidently speak the language, I'd be looking for someone that looked local and not busy. Say, waiting for a bus or watching kids at a playground. When I got confused by overlapping train stations in Tokyo, I caught an American-looking businessman who seemed to know where he was going.
I work at a college and get asked directions all the time, parents seem to like to pick someone between their age and their child's.
Eye contact is another biggie. Sometimes I notice someone looking lost and can get them to approach, or not, by meeting or avoiding their gaze.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:53 AM on November 8, 2014
I am a woman. I always pick another woman. Usually someone of a similar age to myself, or older. Never someone who is walking fast or purposively, since I don't want to inconvenience them if they are in a hurry.
Well, a lot of people do it very differently. I'm a 33-year-old man in NYC. I often get asked for directions and stuff, and it's often by women. I usually walk very fast and purposefully. I think it's especially likely to happen if I'm carrying a lot of grocery bags, since that's a sign that I live there.
The same thing would happen to me when I was in Italy for a few weeks. I was trying to look determined and like I knew where I was going, even though I was a tourist, and several people asked me for directions or some kind of help (I could hardly understand them since they were speaking Italian). And they certainly weren't trying to seek out tourists — when I told them I'm an American, they left to find someone else.
posted by John Cohen at 5:02 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Well, a lot of people do it very differently. I'm a 33-year-old man in NYC. I often get asked for directions and stuff, and it's often by women. I usually walk very fast and purposefully. I think it's especially likely to happen if I'm carrying a lot of grocery bags, since that's a sign that I live there.
The same thing would happen to me when I was in Italy for a few weeks. I was trying to look determined and like I knew where I was going, even though I was a tourist, and several people asked me for directions or some kind of help (I could hardly understand them since they were speaking Italian). And they certainly weren't trying to seek out tourists — when I told them I'm an American, they left to find someone else.
posted by John Cohen at 5:02 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I used to get asked for directions a lot, including when abroad. I would second 'young, non-threatening white woman' as a factor (for being asked directions by white people). This happened even though I tend to walk fast and purposefully, and don't make eye contact. I also used to get much less street harassment than other people I know - I don't know if this is related.
These days I usually have a toddler in tow and am functionally invisible to almost everyone.
posted by gnimmel at 5:55 AM on November 8, 2014
These days I usually have a toddler in tow and am functionally invisible to almost everyone.
posted by gnimmel at 5:55 AM on November 8, 2014
I get stopped for directions on an extremely regular basis (weekly, at least) - even in places where I am a total stranger/foreigner. I've always assumed this is because I am a short, non-threatening looking woman, who walks pretty fast & determinedly for a stumpy-leg.
My mum, who is also short and female, but not a determined walker, does not get asked for directions. Instead she's the person that total strangers pick to strike up random conversations; they don't ask her for stuff, they just want to use her as a sounding board to talk about the thing that's bothering them right that second - everything from the lateness of the bus to their prostate cancer. It's weird.
(I've been trying to think how I choose people to ask for directions, and realised I can't remember the last time I did so - I always have a map or a memorised map or know where I'm going - so I guess that means people are doing the right thing stopping me instead of someone else for directions!)
posted by AFII at 5:56 AM on November 8, 2014
My mum, who is also short and female, but not a determined walker, does not get asked for directions. Instead she's the person that total strangers pick to strike up random conversations; they don't ask her for stuff, they just want to use her as a sounding board to talk about the thing that's bothering them right that second - everything from the lateness of the bus to their prostate cancer. It's weird.
(I've been trying to think how I choose people to ask for directions, and realised I can't remember the last time I did so - I always have a map or a memorised map or know where I'm going - so I guess that means people are doing the right thing stopping me instead of someone else for directions!)
posted by AFII at 5:56 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked for directions a lot. Even in places where I am just visiting and have no idea where I'm going. I'm a woman, and quite large, and I tend to walk with my head up and looking around rather than the hyper-focused, tuning out the world a lot of city people engage in (this is not a criticism of them, I still feel like a rube when I wander around downtown, even though I've lived here in the city for nearly 20 years now). I think those things make me appear non-threatening to people. I'm also reasonably neatly and conventionally but not expensively dressed, so I don't intimidate, either as someone who might be scary or as someone who might be rude at having their valuable time wasted.
Part of it is that if a person tries to make eye-contact with me, I will return it with a small smile rather than looking away, but that's not all of it, because I've had people walk up behind me on the subway, stand beside me and still ask for help and there was no opportunity for eye contact there.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:17 AM on November 8, 2014
Part of it is that if a person tries to make eye-contact with me, I will return it with a small smile rather than looking away, but that's not all of it, because I've had people walk up behind me on the subway, stand beside me and still ask for help and there was no opportunity for eye contact there.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:17 AM on November 8, 2014
Part of it is that if a person tries to make eye-contact with me, I will return it with a small smile rather than looking away, but that's not all of it, because I've had people walk up behind me on the subway, stand beside me and still ask for help and there was no opportunity for eye contact there.
Seconding this. I generally avoid making direct eye contact with strangers walking by, and people come up to me and ask for directions without first establishing eye contact.
posted by John Cohen at 6:23 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Seconding this. I generally avoid making direct eye contact with strangers walking by, and people come up to me and ask for directions without first establishing eye contact.
posted by John Cohen at 6:23 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
as a rule, we tend to stick to our own race when approaching strangers for directions.
This last couple people who asked me for directions were minority women, and I'm a white man.
posted by John Cohen at 6:26 AM on November 8, 2014
This last couple people who asked me for directions were minority women, and I'm a white man.
posted by John Cohen at 6:26 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked for directions quite frequently as well, most often by women my age or by people of either gender who are middle aged or older. I'm a woman, mid 20s, and white, and I would say I generally look put together but not super formal or anything. I'm also petite. I tend to assume that it's because I seem relatively non threatening and approachable. I also probably seem like the appropriate demographic to be local in the areas where I spend a lot of time (lots of students/college town). I do tend to walk quickly and I have a thing about wanting to look like I know where I'm going even when completely lost, so I think that may have an effect as well. I don't wear headphones, and I'm usually walking alone, so that probably helps.
I would say I'm least likely to be asked by men in their 20s or 30s, but I don't know if that's just because that's the demographic least likely to ask for directions.
I'm generally very happy to give people directions and I think I'm pretty decent at it, so maybe there is some other subconscious signal I'm giving out. I don't think I've ever been asked about change for a bill, although I did get asked for cigarettes/a light frequently when I was a smoker.
posted by litera scripta manet at 6:36 AM on November 8, 2014
I would say I'm least likely to be asked by men in their 20s or 30s, but I don't know if that's just because that's the demographic least likely to ask for directions.
I'm generally very happy to give people directions and I think I'm pretty decent at it, so maybe there is some other subconscious signal I'm giving out. I don't think I've ever been asked about change for a bill, although I did get asked for cigarettes/a light frequently when I was a smoker.
posted by litera scripta manet at 6:36 AM on November 8, 2014
as a rule, we tend to stick to our own race when approaching strangers for directions.
I'm white and live in a mixed urban neighborhood and often get asked by white suburbanites (from their cars) for directions when I'm the only non-black person nearby. I don't see this as a coincidence.
posted by octothorpe at 6:53 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm white and live in a mixed urban neighborhood and often get asked by white suburbanites (from their cars) for directions when I'm the only non-black person nearby. I don't see this as a coincidence.
posted by octothorpe at 6:53 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think it's especially likely to happen if I'm carrying a lot of grocery bags, since that's a sign that I live there.
I live in a very, very touristy area and I get asked for directions all the time, even though I'm always wearing ear buds. It's probably because I either have groceries or empty shopping bags and very possibly am holding my keys. I'm also clearly not looking at the sky or at a map trying to figure out where to go. I actually enjoy it because people are usually very happy to be looking for whatever attraction they're headed towards rather than being frantically lost.
They probably also approach me because I'm a grown white woman? I don't live in a threatening area so I'm not sure if that's much of a factor. I'm a misanthrope with social anxiety but I'm good at these kinds of low-stakes interactions with people so maybe they can tell.
I have an awful, sometimes anxiety-producing lack of direction myself so if I need directions anywhere I will shamelessly ask the closest people, even if one is giving birth or another is sinking in quicksand.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:11 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I live in a very, very touristy area and I get asked for directions all the time, even though I'm always wearing ear buds. It's probably because I either have groceries or empty shopping bags and very possibly am holding my keys. I'm also clearly not looking at the sky or at a map trying to figure out where to go. I actually enjoy it because people are usually very happy to be looking for whatever attraction they're headed towards rather than being frantically lost.
They probably also approach me because I'm a grown white woman? I don't live in a threatening area so I'm not sure if that's much of a factor. I'm a misanthrope with social anxiety but I'm good at these kinds of low-stakes interactions with people so maybe they can tell.
I have an awful, sometimes anxiety-producing lack of direction myself so if I need directions anywhere I will shamelessly ask the closest people, even if one is giving birth or another is sinking in quicksand.
posted by Room 641-A at 7:11 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
The last time I was asked for directions, I was in the middle of a cemetery in Montreal with my boyfriend, both of us looking pretty exhausted because we'd been walking for three or four hours non-stop. We're both white/late 20's. Neither of us knew French or looked like we knew what we were doing. We were approached by a mixed race couple and their young children who started asking us their question in French, and who began laughing and saying 'Oh, us neither' when we told them we didn't know any French (which was cute since obviously they knew way more than us). Maybe our fatigue made us look approachable, or the fact that we were the only other people wandering around a cemetery who clearly weren't there for a funeral.
What I find most amusing is the reverse, when someone approaches me to offer help. Not even an hour after that incident in Montreal, a middle aged couple approached us and asked if we needed directions somewhere. Once on a subway in NYC, another middle aged couple saw me looking at a map and offered to help me find my destination. In both of these situations I was looking at a map, which probably signaled not only "I"m not local" but also "I'm an innocuous tourist". I think people love to help. But, similar to people trying to find someone to help them with directions, people looking to initiate help like to help those who look like they're pretty harmless. One time when I was in Italy, I went into a pharmacy to ask for directions and the pharmacist just said "No parlo inglese", so I left. There was a woman who was standing at the counter at the time and who clearly took pity on me, and came outside to help me find my hotel even though she didn't know more than maybe two words of English. I was impressed at how she initiated helping me, without me having even approached her, despite the language divide.
When I need to find someone to ask for directions, my first thought is to go to a business and ask the person at the counter. I assume that 1) they're local, since they work here and 2) they're working right now so it's unlikely that they're a person of ill will who's going to rob me or send me in the wrong direction just for the thrill of being mean. If I don't have the option to ask a business owner or employee, I'll just ask someone who looks confident but not in a hurry (maybe standing at a bus stop, or having a cigarette) if they can help me find something.
posted by nightrecordings at 7:12 AM on November 8, 2014
What I find most amusing is the reverse, when someone approaches me to offer help. Not even an hour after that incident in Montreal, a middle aged couple approached us and asked if we needed directions somewhere. Once on a subway in NYC, another middle aged couple saw me looking at a map and offered to help me find my destination. In both of these situations I was looking at a map, which probably signaled not only "I"m not local" but also "I'm an innocuous tourist". I think people love to help. But, similar to people trying to find someone to help them with directions, people looking to initiate help like to help those who look like they're pretty harmless. One time when I was in Italy, I went into a pharmacy to ask for directions and the pharmacist just said "No parlo inglese", so I left. There was a woman who was standing at the counter at the time and who clearly took pity on me, and came outside to help me find my hotel even though she didn't know more than maybe two words of English. I was impressed at how she initiated helping me, without me having even approached her, despite the language divide.
When I need to find someone to ask for directions, my first thought is to go to a business and ask the person at the counter. I assume that 1) they're local, since they work here and 2) they're working right now so it's unlikely that they're a person of ill will who's going to rob me or send me in the wrong direction just for the thrill of being mean. If I don't have the option to ask a business owner or employee, I'll just ask someone who looks confident but not in a hurry (maybe standing at a bus stop, or having a cigarette) if they can help me find something.
posted by nightrecordings at 7:12 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked for directions all the time and have since I was little. I'm a tall fat white woman and very non-threatening.
I will for preference ask an older man (appearing to be sixty or older) for directions because here in the southern US it's likely they've lived all their lives in the same place and know it intimately.
posted by winna at 7:12 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I will for preference ask an older man (appearing to be sixty or older) for directions because here in the southern US it's likely they've lived all their lives in the same place and know it intimately.
posted by winna at 7:12 AM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
In the library world we call this look "The open face of reference" and joke that it's also why people ask us if we know where to find things in the hardware store and that sort of thing. I get asked for directions a lot because I'm actually outside walking and (in my town) don't really look like a tourist. I got asked for directions in London a few times (where I was a tourist) probably because I was consulting my phone and maybe had that "She has a map" vibe to me or something. When I'm asking for directions I'll ask other people who seem my own age-ish, often but not always females and if I'm in a big city I usually ask a cop if I see one. I'm definitely an eye-contact and vaguely friendly looking person a lot of the time so I figure people think I'm a good gamble to ask directions from.
posted by jessamyn at 7:29 AM on November 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 7:29 AM on November 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
I will ask you for directions if you're not dressed like a slob.
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:34 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:34 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked directions all the time, both in places I know and places I don't. I'm fairly sure it has to do with the fact that I tend to walk confidently, as if I know where I'm going (even when I don't), though I often get asked when I'm driving and stopped at a light, so maybe I drive purposefully too.
When I'm asking for directions I usually try to ask people who look like they're not scatterbrained or goofing around. I'm having trouble identifying my metrics for that, though. Someone who's coming across as calm and confident, I guess.
posted by jaguar at 7:37 AM on November 8, 2014
When I'm asking for directions I usually try to ask people who look like they're not scatterbrained or goofing around. I'm having trouble identifying my metrics for that, though. Someone who's coming across as calm and confident, I guess.
posted by jaguar at 7:37 AM on November 8, 2014
I'm a small and nonthreatening looking woman and I get asked for directions all the time. Including when I have my giant headphones on/am on the phone and am clearly in a hurry! So in my anecdotal experience, whether you are intimidating trumps whether you look busy in people's list of considerations. (Luckily for them, I am a wizard at directions.)
posted by ferret branca at 7:42 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by ferret branca at 7:42 AM on November 8, 2014
this is just one data point ... but when I ask someone for directions or help ("where does the line start" type stuff) I always look for the biggest, baddest, most threatening looking motherfucker I can find because I don't like feeling like I am reaching out only to meek, inoffensive looking people. I am pretty much the textbook illustration of nonthreatening looking middle class white guy and I am constantly approached I guess because I look like I don't bite, and it irritates me to be reminded of what a pantywaist vibe I apparently give off, so I try not to perpetuate that by only approaching other pantywaists.
posted by jayder at 9:14 AM on November 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by jayder at 9:14 AM on November 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
I also know a lot of librarians who get asked frequently. It's true, we're attuned to people who look confused or lost. But also a lot of librarians are white women, so. (I'm all three, and I'm short; I have a baseless but strong suspicion that short people are especially approachable.)
posted by clavicle at 9:24 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by clavicle at 9:24 AM on November 8, 2014
When I need directions- which is rare and usually happens in airport - I find the person who appears most comfortable and intelligent.
I can't imagine asking someone with kids - they're probably busy.
People ask me for directions all the time and since I never notice landmarks, I am useless. People often take my inability to help as a personal insult.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 10:00 AM on November 8, 2014
I can't imagine asking someone with kids - they're probably busy.
People ask me for directions all the time and since I never notice landmarks, I am useless. People often take my inability to help as a personal insult.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 10:00 AM on November 8, 2014
I use my cell phone to find things. I'm not sure how often people really need to ask for directions in this day and age. If I need to ask someone, I'll usually ask a police officer if I see one or otherwise use my phone.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:06 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:06 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked pretty regularly, and I'm also a youngish (but obviously older than college age, so I must live in the area full time) non-threatening-looking white woman. I walk purposefully, but not very quickly. And maybe not being particularly hot or well-dressed has something to do with it? I'm pretty lousy at giving directions, though.
I suspect that in cities younger people get asked disproportionately often not just because they seem non-threatening, but because people are more likely to assume they live there. Middle-aged people are often assumed to be suburbanites or tourists.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:10 AM on November 8, 2014
I suspect that in cities younger people get asked disproportionately often not just because they seem non-threatening, but because people are more likely to assume they live there. Middle-aged people are often assumed to be suburbanites or tourists.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:10 AM on November 8, 2014
On one occasion in my large city, a tourist wove through a large group of other people to ask me directions to a shopping centre. I'm female, short and white, so unintimidating, but this incident occurred on the third day after I found out my mother had cancer, and I was Not. Coping. So clearly 3 days of sleep deprivation and an hour or so of messy crying does not render me disreputable enough to avoid being asked. I suspect that I may have been the only white person in the crowd on that occasion and the tourist approached me because she inferred that the others in the group were probably not locals - but amusingly we were on the edge of the city's Chinatown area, so this was not a valid inference! Further data - I think the tourist was from Germany, and I have also found I was approached frequently while travelling in Germany for directions etc, but never in France or Italy, and only rarely in the UK and US.
posted by Cheese Monster at 10:32 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by Cheese Monster at 10:32 AM on November 8, 2014
I work in retail and give directions most days to all sorts of customers. People presume you know the area if you work in a shop.
posted by mymbleth at 10:41 AM on November 8, 2014
posted by mymbleth at 10:41 AM on November 8, 2014
I get asked for directions ALL THE TIME, including once in Paris (by collegiate American girls, who approached me with broken French to ask if I spoke English, and the look of relief on their faces when I responded in English, with a very American accent, was kind of great). I am also a small white 30something woman, and I think I have a helpful (or at least interested) face, because I am also the person that strangers start talking to for no reason in lines, in public, at bars, anywhere (not in a hitting-on way, just a chatty way). I like being able to help, too, so maybe I am giving off a "you can ask me directions!" vibe.
When I need help, I tend to ask the person who is closest to me who looks the least irritable.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 10:43 AM on November 8, 2014
When I need help, I tend to ask the person who is closest to me who looks the least irritable.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 10:43 AM on November 8, 2014
I was rarely asked for directions until the past few years. What changed?
6 years of experience working in... a library! And dressing the part (lots of cardigans, shirts with collars, and more often than not lately a tie) - neatly, but not formally.
Many people above have mentioned being less comfortable asking strange men for assistance, which makes sense for a number of reasons, but I guess as I have aged into my early 30s and added markers of (apparent) middle-class-ness along with some professional experience as a "helper" this has tipped the balance a fair bit. I don't always realize it, but often when I'm in a store I catch myself scanning people's faces to see who needs help, as I would at work, even when I'm not really in a position to offer it. And then they end up asking me. So I guess it's my fault.
I also worked in retail when I was younger, and found that people would ask me for help when I was in other stores during that period; however, it seems to have faded after a while. Presumably those inadvertent "helper" vibes wore off for lack of practice.
posted by onshi at 10:48 AM on November 8, 2014
6 years of experience working in... a library! And dressing the part (lots of cardigans, shirts with collars, and more often than not lately a tie) - neatly, but not formally.
Many people above have mentioned being less comfortable asking strange men for assistance, which makes sense for a number of reasons, but I guess as I have aged into my early 30s and added markers of (apparent) middle-class-ness along with some professional experience as a "helper" this has tipped the balance a fair bit. I don't always realize it, but often when I'm in a store I catch myself scanning people's faces to see who needs help, as I would at work, even when I'm not really in a position to offer it. And then they end up asking me. So I guess it's my fault.
I also worked in retail when I was younger, and found that people would ask me for help when I was in other stores during that period; however, it seems to have faded after a while. Presumably those inadvertent "helper" vibes wore off for lack of practice.
posted by onshi at 10:48 AM on November 8, 2014
I got asked in NYC last week for directions and I hadn't been in the City for twenty years.
I got asked in London once when I was on holiday there. I tend to walk purposely. I'm a male Asian in 50s. I get asked in my hometown of Ottawa, Canada pretty often. One of the funnier things that used to happen about a decade ago would be people wanting directions but starting out by asking "Do you speak English?"
posted by storybored at 11:07 AM on November 8, 2014
I got asked in London once when I was on holiday there. I tend to walk purposely. I'm a male Asian in 50s. I get asked in my hometown of Ottawa, Canada pretty often. One of the funnier things that used to happen about a decade ago would be people wanting directions but starting out by asking "Do you speak English?"
posted by storybored at 11:07 AM on November 8, 2014
often when I'm in a store I catch myself scanning people's faces to see who needs help, as I would at work, even when I'm not really in a position to offer it. And then they end up asking me. So I guess it's my fault.
Oh my goodness onshi I just realized I do this, too. I'm always getting sucked into finding things or reaching things down from shelves or figuring out the difference between two products.
It must be a helpy gene!
posted by winna at 11:58 AM on November 8, 2014
Oh my goodness onshi I just realized I do this, too. I'm always getting sucked into finding things or reaching things down from shelves or figuring out the difference between two products.
It must be a helpy gene!
posted by winna at 11:58 AM on November 8, 2014
as a rule, we tend to stick to our own race when approaching strangers for directions.
I don't know this rule. I'm Indian American and if I waited to only ask South Asian looking people for directions I'd be waiting a long time. I'm also sort of ambiguously brown so Hispanic people will ask me questions in Spanish (which I can't answer) and occasionally people ask me questions in Chinese (also can't answer).
Also, I'm a small nonwhite woman and people of all races ask me directions constantly. Pretty sure it's because I'm seen as nonthreatening. Can we stop subtly implying that all minorities scare white people?
posted by sweetkid at 12:26 PM on November 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
I don't know this rule. I'm Indian American and if I waited to only ask South Asian looking people for directions I'd be waiting a long time. I'm also sort of ambiguously brown so Hispanic people will ask me questions in Spanish (which I can't answer) and occasionally people ask me questions in Chinese (also can't answer).
Also, I'm a small nonwhite woman and people of all races ask me directions constantly. Pretty sure it's because I'm seen as nonthreatening. Can we stop subtly implying that all minorities scare white people?
posted by sweetkid at 12:26 PM on November 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
I'm in DC, and always get asked for directions. I wear glasses, which I think has something to do with it.
posted by invisible ink at 12:28 PM on November 8, 2014
posted by invisible ink at 12:28 PM on November 8, 2014
I'm 5'3" and white and present as a nonthreatening young-looking but not college aged female and get asked directions all the time in strange cities. I think I do make eye contact a little more than the average person, and wear a vaguely pleasant expression.
My mom is just barely five feet tall and she also experiences this, across even more settings. My dad's running joke for decades has been that she attracts every little old lady or mentally handicapped person in the grocery store who might possibly need help. Especially if it's reaching something from the top shelf.
posted by deludingmyself at 1:22 PM on November 8, 2014
My mom is just barely five feet tall and she also experiences this, across even more settings. My dad's running joke for decades has been that she attracts every little old lady or mentally handicapped person in the grocery store who might possibly need help. Especially if it's reaching something from the top shelf.
posted by deludingmyself at 1:22 PM on November 8, 2014
I also get asked for directions a lot -- it doesn't matter where I am either.
I am black, of average height, overweight, early thirties, and wear glasses. I am not particularly attractive or well-dressed, although I am described as "appearing friendly with a soothing voice."
WHO I am asked for directions by depends on the country. In general in England, the person asking me for directions is usually an immigrant or immigrant family, often middle eastern or SE Asian. On the whole, white women avoid me entirely in England.
In the US, it's the opposite, with white women approaching me more than any other race.
In Paris, it was everyone.
They ignore my husband, who is tall, attractive, slim, and better dressed. Even if we are together, I am approached.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 1:29 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am black, of average height, overweight, early thirties, and wear glasses. I am not particularly attractive or well-dressed, although I am described as "appearing friendly with a soothing voice."
WHO I am asked for directions by depends on the country. In general in England, the person asking me for directions is usually an immigrant or immigrant family, often middle eastern or SE Asian. On the whole, white women avoid me entirely in England.
In the US, it's the opposite, with white women approaching me more than any other race.
In Paris, it was everyone.
They ignore my husband, who is tall, attractive, slim, and better dressed. Even if we are together, I am approached.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 1:29 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am a stranger magnet and have assumed it was a combination of my gender, my height (short people are like nonthreatening oompaloompas?), and something about my facial expression. Maybe the helpy librarian look is genetic (I'm librarian progeny). Because I'm Korean American, I suspect I get asked a bit less often for directions by tourists here in Honolulu who assume I must be a Japanese tourist/don't speak English.
posted by spamandkimchi at 2:06 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by spamandkimchi at 2:06 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I seem to get asked for directions a fair amount. My theory is that I look like a pedestrian -- I mean someone who habitually walks everywhere. And I am, as I gave up my car a few years back. I am often carrying shopping bags and I am dressed in street clothes. Many other people who are on foot around here are pretty obviously dressed for jogging/power walking/biking/whatever. Or they only walk as far as the bus stop. Or they look very obviously, highly homeless (ie sketchy). I actually am homeless but people frequently talk to me like they think I am middle class or a tourist or something. So I don't look like a jogger, a homeless person, etc. I look like someone who gets around a lot on foot, which is absolutely true. I think this gives people the idea that I know the lay of the land from walking it -- and there is some truth to that.
posted by Michele in California at 4:18 PM on November 8, 2014
posted by Michele in California at 4:18 PM on November 8, 2014
Oh, here's an anecdote you might be interested in. I was in Las Vegas recently and asked a white woman for directions, and we were overheard by a black man. He came up to me afterwards and told me the woman had given us the wrong directions, and pointed us right. He complained that although he was local, no one ever asked him for directions and he suspected white tourists didn't trust black men. (I think he's probably right.)
Amusingly he finished by saying, "But you can trust us. Us n***ers is all right nowadays. We the president now."
posted by lollusc at 6:16 PM on November 8, 2014 [4 favorites]
Amusingly he finished by saying, "But you can trust us. Us n***ers is all right nowadays. We the president now."
posted by lollusc at 6:16 PM on November 8, 2014 [4 favorites]
I don't usually ask for directions. I'd rather look at my phone.
But the one time I can remember asking directions, I had been accidentally ditched in an unfamiliar city where I couldn't really speak the language. There were a lot of roadside sellers, and I was a bit worried that if I asked for directions they would want money or try to sell me something, which would only confuse me more (not speaking the language). I picked the guy with the stall on the corner because I thought (a) he's a guy and is therefore more likely to have gone to school long enough to speak French, and (b) his stall looked pretty well-established, which made me think he was a regular of the neighborhood.
If the street hadn't been crowded I probably would have picked a woman. I don't like to start a conversation with strange men because it's been taken as an invitation for sexual pursuit one too many times.
I noticed that back home, I get asked for directions mostly when I'm walking slowly. I tend to walk very fast and I think people don't want to interrupt me.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 6:38 PM on November 8, 2014
But the one time I can remember asking directions, I had been accidentally ditched in an unfamiliar city where I couldn't really speak the language. There were a lot of roadside sellers, and I was a bit worried that if I asked for directions they would want money or try to sell me something, which would only confuse me more (not speaking the language). I picked the guy with the stall on the corner because I thought (a) he's a guy and is therefore more likely to have gone to school long enough to speak French, and (b) his stall looked pretty well-established, which made me think he was a regular of the neighborhood.
If the street hadn't been crowded I probably would have picked a woman. I don't like to start a conversation with strange men because it's been taken as an invitation for sexual pursuit one too many times.
I noticed that back home, I get asked for directions mostly when I'm walking slowly. I tend to walk very fast and I think people don't want to interrupt me.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 6:38 PM on November 8, 2014
Just a piece of anecdata, I used to work in an office building that had retail shopping and a renew-your-driver's-licence government office in the lobby. I used to get asked for directions all the time. My guess is that because I was always wearing my company ID on a lanyard around my neck, people assumed that, i) I had a job, so I must be trustworthy enough, and ii) the job was in the building, so I must know where things are.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:39 PM on November 8, 2014
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:39 PM on November 8, 2014
Also, the first time I was ever in Boston, I wasn't off the plane 4 hours before someone asked me for directions. It just so happens they were asking me for directions for a place I had just come from, so I was able to say, "Yes, it's right down there, but this is a one-way street, so you have to go left, then left, then left around the block to get there." I thought that was pretty funny.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:44 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:44 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am also a small white female that gets asked not-infrequently. I've found that I get way more asks when I am walking around the city by myself than when I am with someone else, for whatever that's worth. I don't usually wear headphones or glare at people, but I also don't make eye contact with strangers.
posted by hishtafel at 8:12 PM on November 8, 2014
posted by hishtafel at 8:12 PM on November 8, 2014
I was trying to look determined and like I knew where I was going, even though I was a tourist,
also walk very fast.
I usually walk very fast and purposefully.
I tend to walk with my head up and looking around
I have a thing about wanting to look like I know where I'm going even when completely lost
I tend to walk confidently, as if I know where I'm going (even when I don't)
I'll second the above comments by a variety of people, because I tend to do this, and I get asked for directions fairly often, especially (it seems) in cities where I'm as lost as everyone else. And I'm actually, at first and maybe second glance, a kinda threatening-looking white guy. (Stocky, shaved head, goatee, earrings, I look like I oughta have a bunch of tattoos even though I don't, usually dressed in jeans, hoodie, and work boots, with some kind of dark t-shirt.)
So I think there's something about this kind of behavior that signals that this person is a local/knows where they're going that gets factored in to the equation of "Who can I safely & reliably ask for directions?"
posted by soundguy99 at 9:56 AM on November 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
also walk very fast.
I usually walk very fast and purposefully.
I tend to walk with my head up and looking around
I have a thing about wanting to look like I know where I'm going even when completely lost
I tend to walk confidently, as if I know where I'm going (even when I don't)
I'll second the above comments by a variety of people, because I tend to do this, and I get asked for directions fairly often, especially (it seems) in cities where I'm as lost as everyone else. And I'm actually, at first and maybe second glance, a kinda threatening-looking white guy. (Stocky, shaved head, goatee, earrings, I look like I oughta have a bunch of tattoos even though I don't, usually dressed in jeans, hoodie, and work boots, with some kind of dark t-shirt.)
So I think there's something about this kind of behavior that signals that this person is a local/knows where they're going that gets factored in to the equation of "Who can I safely & reliably ask for directions?"
posted by soundguy99 at 9:56 AM on November 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
My superpower is that people will ask me for directions: I've been asked for directions in every country I've visited, even when I am obviously not local. I'm assuming it's because I'm a short, non-threatening, non-imposing woman. Or perhaps I just look like I know where I am. I always carry a map when traveling, so most of the time I can help people.
My mother didn't believe me about this superpower until our first day London when a vanload of Lebanese men flagged me down to ask the way to Victoria Station and a couple of hours later a group of Japanese schoolgirls asked me how to get to Trafalgar Square. I've been asked for directions in Japan, and I'm very European in appearance.
posted by telophase at 1:39 PM on November 11, 2014
My mother didn't believe me about this superpower until our first day London when a vanload of Lebanese men flagged me down to ask the way to Victoria Station and a couple of hours later a group of Japanese schoolgirls asked me how to get to Trafalgar Square. I've been asked for directions in Japan, and I'm very European in appearance.
posted by telophase at 1:39 PM on November 11, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by trip and a half at 11:16 PM on November 7, 2014 [9 favorites]