Should I stick with this acting teacher.. or not?

November 7, 2014 8:52 AM

Several months back I revisited a lifelong ambition and joined (part time) acting school. I was as a high as a kite... tapping into 'that' part of myself again, feeling encouraged and 'got' by a seemingly fun/knowledgeable/encouraging and well connected teacher, classmates are nice too.. but...

in some ways I am beginning to have some real issues with him.. as I have not spoken at that depth with any classmates don't know if it's 'just me' being 'over-sensitive' or if I'm onto something.. he seems very adored by his students in the main.

Examples; I want to be able to ask questions/dig deeper.. eg 'why should an actor do x/y/z?/' 'How could they cultivate that skill etc'? Not mindblowing stuff.. but I am inquisitive and want to learn at that level. He often (I feel) treats me quite dismissively/as if he's irritated/or has far too many more important things/people to concern himself with. I find myself thinking "I do not know how to deal with this man!!!" I have tried emailing him questions instead (and used to send him stuff I thought he would find interesting and useful) and get replies like "Yes love. That's right." Minimal effort always. Anti-fantastic eh? I have said in a 'joke with a jab' type of way 'X, has anyone ever told you you are shocking at getting back to emails?!' He laughs and agrees. A friend suggests I irritate him.. cos he doesn't know the answers to my bigger questions (??).

I have even thought about trying to say 1:1 to him some of these 'issues' 'I'm' having with our communication, but really feel it wouldn't go down well.. or at worst like he might have an 'edge' ??? :( ... Got to say here, I am probably hyper-sensitive to such thoughts due to past experiences and PTSD.. not that that necessarily invalidates someones senses.

He was very keen for us to get professional photos taken.. so I did this and have waited over 2 months and still not got them inspite of countless emails. Finding it tough trying to deal with this man. Plus some stuff is sensitive for me.. like how much I am comfortable (or uncomfortable) with stuff being put online a lot. This seems to irk him, inspite of the fact I have exposed some of my reasoning for it.

So that's all the negatives.. why do I stay? Cos when it's good it's really good. I kind of do feel he has a level of faith in my 'abilities (?) putting me forward for interesting amateur roles that seem to suit me. I am in a small-ish city so that is my local school and I feel because of that it's potentially easier to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond (I'm not looking for fame or anything). I like my schoolmates and have definately had some interesting and satisfying experiences and he is seemingly a pretty successful businessman doing more and more all the time.. so I guess he must be doing 'something right'... just also feeling a bit frustrated/sad at times and sometimes flung so far out my comfort zone (I'm sure there's always a bit if that).. I feel I can't build up to stuff and authentically build my confidence.. (esp with improv).. I've actually bunked a few of those classes (which he would take as a sign of non commitment, but I'm not so sure...). He is constantly saying how if he we don't attend for x amount of weeks.. people are 'desperate' for our places etc/we are not commited and will be replaced. Actually due to the climate a lot of us are working rough jobs hundreds of miles away and so the weekly commitment can be very tough. Sometimes I wonder if he's a bit of a narcissist as he pulls up in full view in flash clothes and car (I sure as eggs don't need another one of those in my life).

Is this particular school/man worth sticking with? Or can/should I look for more now that my interest has been re-alighted? Have you been to acting school? How was it for you?

posted by tanktop to Media & Arts (15 answers total)

What is your motivation here, are you doing it hoping for a career, or for fun?

As an acting teacher in a small town, he probably doesn't have hordes of people 'desperate' to take your place. I'd expect he takes anyone willing to pay him and it sounds like he's more than a bit of a hustler e.g. the picture stuff. Hustling is probably an essential trait for a guy running a small acting school though, so this dpesn't need to be a negative.

It all comes down to whether you are, overall, enjoying it. And whether there are other acting schools around you might like better. If there are other options, try them! You might like them better. If, overall, the current teacher is having a negative effect on your life instead of a positive one, stop giving him your money.
posted by pseudonick at 9:04 AM on November 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I'm confused by the photos -- did he take them? He has them and has not released them to you? Or someone else took them and you're waiting for him to get back to you with his opinion on them?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 9:17 AM on November 7, 2014

Drama schools are often very cultish and it sounds like the school you are attending is one of these.

I suggest behaving strictly professional and polite, while detaching a little bit - stop being so sincere, stop putting so much faith in your teacher who seems to be a typically narcissistic emperor without clothes. Just ride it out.

And as pseudonick says, if it's really that insufferable, stop giving them your money. There are plenty of people in life who are eager to jerk you around for free, but acting schools somehow have this conviction that it's a great honour for you to pay them to do it.
posted by tel3path at 9:30 AM on November 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

I've taken a couple casual acting, improv-focused classes. I can't speak to this person's merits specifically, but I'm wondering if part of your own approach might be off-putting to him.

I've noticed in my classes that there are people who ask a TON of questions and sometimes it seems like that's coming from a place of insecurity, and over-analysis, of being concerned that they're "doing it right." I've had a teacher say, "Here's what we're doing, NO QUESTIONS. Figure it out while you do it."

It sounds like you're more interested in the deeper questions, the whys, the hows, which makes sense. If I were in your position, I think I'd try: 1) Ask only one question per class. Write the other questions down during or after class. 2) After the class is over, write the teacher and be like, "Class was amazing, blah blah blah. I'm so curious about [a few examples], do you happen to have recommendations for resources I can check out to learn more - books, classes?"

But overall, I'd limit my communication with him. Maybe a couple more emails, fewer questions. It sounds like he's just not the kind of teacher to operate at that level of communication. I think you just have to manage your own expectations of him, especially if otherwise you're learning a lot and think he is effective at teaching.
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 9:32 AM on November 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

Are you monopolizing the teacher's time? It does not sound like he is your personal tutor, so if your questions in class combined with questions in email are overwhelming, he may honestly be (rightfully) annoyed with you.

Does anyone else in class ask as many questions as you do? If not, why do you think that you are more deserving of answers than the other students?
posted by sparklemotion at 9:45 AM on November 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

Sidestepping the photos issue, I will say that those who can do and those who can't teach in a small town where people don't know any better. I think the good feelings you have are probably as a result of just doing the work and not as a result of anything he's doing.

So take what he says with a boulder of salt, don't look to him for acting wisdom and just work the exercises. If it becomes untenable there, then walk away knowing that you can audition for things and maybe you'll land something and then you'll just get better and better from doing the work.

That said, sometimes questions aren't the best way to feel the art of acting. The exercises, especially, are more about you finding the game than it being explained to you. There's a whole lot of weirdness attached to a lot of this and it doesn't excuse anyone being a dick to you, but the arts do attract a lot of weirdness and weirdoes.
posted by inturnaround at 9:49 AM on November 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: To clarify re: the photos it was his 'exceptional photographer blah blah' friend... (so I guess he got a cut).. still no photos though.

No I don't think of him as my personal tutor.. but would like to be able to ask a question or two in a learning environment, doesn't seem unreasonable? And hopefully relevant info for others..

Thanks for answers so far.. food for thought.
posted by tanktop at 10:19 AM on November 7, 2014

I think you are smart and engaged enough that just this one teacher and class isn't enough for you. Don't be put off, please keep asking questions, but look for answers in other places. Start reading acting books, find acting discussions, watch stuff like Inside The Actors' Studio, learn to critique performances by watching great actors and reading critiques of them -- really apply yourself to _finding_ resources that will help you.

Your teacher sounds like someone who is both busy/distracted and an actor. I don't think your wrong to wonder what's up with him. However, it sounds like your heart and your mind are full of energy and intelligence, and you can accomplish a lot if you apply them outward a bit.

Good luck! The best thing for learning acting is doing acting (along with thinking and studying, which you are doing too), and it sounds like he's really helping you by connecting you with opportunities to do acting. Experience is really priceless.
posted by amtho at 10:44 AM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

You sound very hungry for this, and it sounds like you have a lot of needs wrapped up in this activity. You've gone a long time with out connecting to this side of yourself, so a dam might be bursting over inside you, and it is flowing out onto this person. Acting should fill some needs, but this teacher won't be "the" person to fill those needs. My guess is that your overflow of energy is overwhelming / annoying this man, and so he is trying to get you to simmer down some by not acknowledging you. Maybe he's concerned if he gave you more attention, then you would swallow him alive. Backing off is key here.

I have totally been there - been so passionate about a subject that I'm certain I overwhelmed the first PhD I met, since it was "finally" my time to talk about it. Nope. I don't get a ticket to monopolize this person's mental energy. It is just one step, out of many, and I don't have to unload everything on to this person.

I have said in a 'joke with a jab' type of way 'X, has anyone ever told you you are shocking at getting back to emails?!'

This. This says to me that you are needing more from this man than what he is reasonably owed to you. If I had a student who asked lots of questions and emailed me all the time and then jabbed me in conversations when they didn't get a fast enough response, I would also be friendly + a touch distant/icy. It sounds like you need a lot of attention, but if you can spread it out over a varied set of people not just here with this one teacher. Also don't start to set him up as "another narcissist in my life" or "authority whose approval I seek"; you don't need that narrative. Set him up as: just a guy, imperfect like the rest of the world, teaching what he knows about acting. He doesn't have to like you, approve of you, or believe that you are a good actor. He just has to teach, run the exercises and give you feed back. Take what you can, and then go to another studio and learn some more there too. If you are in a course that you've already paid for, finish the course. If it's a drop-in type pay schedule, then feel free to shop around. I wouldn't believe his "people are lined up for my classes!" rhetoric. You got in fairly easily, right?

I wouldn't recommend taking him aside to talk about this, it will seem even more weird I think. Instead just change your behaviour. As others have suggested - ask fewer questions, and yes acting is something that can come from the experience of it, not the intellectual understanding of it. And yeah having done community theatre myself, it is full of interesting characters, little mini power dramas and all that. Don't take it personally. Hugs.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2014 [7 favorites]

If it were me, I'd probably try to do some independent reading to find answers to questions this fellow can't seem to answer.

Additionally, can you try taking a few classes elsewhere to see if they might be more to your liking? You'd probably have to do it in secret because this guy seems like the type who'd pitch a bitch if he found out you were "unfaithful". I don't really know much about acting, but a teacher might allow you to audit a class session for free so you can get a feel for whether it works for you.
posted by doctor tough love at 11:34 AM on November 7, 2014

Asking questions is class is fine, sending random emails isn't.

He might be more "instinctual" than "intellectual" when it comes to the process. Different teachers have different ways of reacting when students ask them about something they either don't know or don't want to talk about.
posted by betweenthebars at 12:01 PM on November 7, 2014

Different acting teachers "fit" with different students, for sure. It's important to pay attention to that "fit" quality, as you need to trust your teacher. He may ask you to do things that are way outside your comfort zone, and you need to feel that you can trust that what he's asking you to do is in the service of you becoming a better actor.

Having said that, it sounds like you're asking "intellectual"-type questions, and these are things that most acting teachers I've dealt with do not like spending time on. Indeed, many teachers that I've worked with had a major focus of getting away from that type of understanding and more into actually ACTING, that is doing things. Intellectual understanding is seen as not particularly helpful, and also as an attempt to assert control by your head, rather than going with your impulses/instincts/imagination.

I think the kinds of questions you're asking might be best answered in books or discussion groups. Some books that came to mind are Boleslovsky, Stella Adler, Uta Hagen, Donnellan, and maybe even Meisner.
posted by jasper411 at 12:51 PM on November 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

If you don't like your teacher, you should go find another teacher. This is not one of those situations where you have to find enough wrong to have permission to take your business elsewhere.

Also, a little wisdom:

In the vast majority of cases, acting classes are a business. There's the veneer of this being training for some kind of skill or career, but at the end of the day, it's a way for the teacher (or the school/theater/whatever) to make money. That isn't to say the classes are worthless. If you're getting something out of it -- whether learning-wise or just enjoying yourself -- it's absolutely worth continuing with. But in general you should be thinking of these classes more like a yoga or spin class, and less like a university. In other words, you are spending the money, so you decide whether to continue patronizing this business. You absolutely shouldn't feel bad going elsewhere, any more than you would feel bad about trying a new restaurant.
posted by Sara C. at 1:09 PM on November 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

He could be a very good teacher for the process of acting and yet not someone who feels like shooting the shit about the deeper meaning and mechanics. You seem like you're putting an awful lot of weight on this one guy to be your guru and it's actually a good sign that he's NOT narcissistic because your reliance on him to fill that role makes him uncomfortable. He's just a guy. A guy who can probably give you helpful guidance in some areas, but not your personal key to What Acting Means To You. If you want to have those deep theory discussions find some fellow students or an online forum or something else. Take what this guy gives you in class, but stop pushing him beyond that.
posted by MsMolly at 4:34 PM on November 7, 2014

If you want to learn the theory of acting there are a multitude of books on the subject. Have you read any Stanislavski? Maybe you'd get more of what you're looking for from a theatre studies class, rather than an acting school.

IMO, the kinds of questions you're asking aren't really appropriate in a practical acting class. You teacher may also feel like when you ask "why do x/y/z" that you're undermining him and wasting time in a class asking questions instead of doing the assigned exercise. Its also possible that he just doesn't have the answers you want. You don't need any qualifications to call yourself and acting coach and many successful actors have no formal training.

Emailing him things you think he'd find interesting and/or useful? Definitely not appropriate, he'd not your friend or your colleague, he's running a business, you're his customer.

Enjoy the class for what you're getting from it, stop trying to get more than your teacher is willing to give. If you want to learn more about the theory of acting, take the initiative and do some private reading on your own time.
posted by missmagenta at 1:59 AM on November 8, 2014