Should I take this job and move home?
November 6, 2014 12:59 PM Subscribe
Should I take this job offer and move home because that's where I want to end up, or spend another year at my current company doing my dream job? Complication: I'm female, 30, single, and want to get married and have a family in my home state.
A few years ago I relocated from the east coast to the midwest for a great job opportunity. I have been at a great company doing exactly what I want to do, and just recently got a promotion to do something I will love even more. It is basically my dream job!
Since I've been in the midwest, I've had 2 failed long-term relationships. I am 30 years old and want very much to get married and have a family.
I love my job and my life here is decent, but not amazing. I've made some friends but not many and we're not very close. When I go home, I have awesome friends and family. I have all the excitement and fun of life on the east coast, versus the midwest, which is rather boring to me. I feel like MYSELF at home, and I am happier. I am pretty sure I would rather settle down and end up on the east coast. There are also way more single men there. People in the midwest tend to marry quite young, and I haven't had great luck dating here so far.
So, I just got a job offer to move back home. Pros: they'll relocate me and give me a lot more money. Cons: not as great a company (but still good), and not exactly my dream job (though I will be good at the job and it sounds pretty fun - there is also opportunity to grow with this company, and potentially have my dream job in ~2 years).
Should I take the job offer and move back home? Or should I stay and do my dream job for a year, which will look great on my resume and could potentially land me an even better job at home in a year? Or do I not have that year to waste, if I want to meet someone and settle down on the east coast and have a family? Thank you, mefi, your advice is invaluable!
A few years ago I relocated from the east coast to the midwest for a great job opportunity. I have been at a great company doing exactly what I want to do, and just recently got a promotion to do something I will love even more. It is basically my dream job!
Since I've been in the midwest, I've had 2 failed long-term relationships. I am 30 years old and want very much to get married and have a family.
I love my job and my life here is decent, but not amazing. I've made some friends but not many and we're not very close. When I go home, I have awesome friends and family. I have all the excitement and fun of life on the east coast, versus the midwest, which is rather boring to me. I feel like MYSELF at home, and I am happier. I am pretty sure I would rather settle down and end up on the east coast. There are also way more single men there. People in the midwest tend to marry quite young, and I haven't had great luck dating here so far.
So, I just got a job offer to move back home. Pros: they'll relocate me and give me a lot more money. Cons: not as great a company (but still good), and not exactly my dream job (though I will be good at the job and it sounds pretty fun - there is also opportunity to grow with this company, and potentially have my dream job in ~2 years).
Should I take the job offer and move back home? Or should I stay and do my dream job for a year, which will look great on my resume and could potentially land me an even better job at home in a year? Or do I not have that year to waste, if I want to meet someone and settle down on the east coast and have a family? Thank you, mefi, your advice is invaluable!
I don't think it's a matter of wasting a year.
Take the opportunity you have now to go home and be yourself and be happy , rather than waiting around for things that may or may not happen.
Also, I wouldn't make this decision based on some hypothetical relationship that doesn't yet exist. You can only work with your situation as it is; it is impossible to predict how such a move would affect your love life.
posted by ocherdraco at 1:04 PM on November 6, 2014 [4 favorites]
Take the opportunity you have now to go home and be yourself and be happy , rather than waiting around for things that may or may not happen.
Also, I wouldn't make this decision based on some hypothetical relationship that doesn't yet exist. You can only work with your situation as it is; it is impossible to predict how such a move would affect your love life.
posted by ocherdraco at 1:04 PM on November 6, 2014 [4 favorites]
It sounds like what you really want to do is take the new job and move.
If you were going to have to give up your career to move back home, I'd think twice about it, but I can't really see any downsides to moving. There are some obvious benefits to taking the new job beyond its location, and the cons all sound pretty minor.
posted by Sara C. at 1:08 PM on November 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
If you were going to have to give up your career to move back home, I'd think twice about it, but I can't really see any downsides to moving. There are some obvious benefits to taking the new job beyond its location, and the cons all sound pretty minor.
posted by Sara C. at 1:08 PM on November 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
If you want to meet a partner who wants to live on the east coast rather than live in the midwest, that's going to be a lot easier to find on the east coast.
Being able to have your dream job in a place you want to live in in two years sounds like a much dreamier job than having a job in a place you don't want to live.
posted by yohko at 1:10 PM on November 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
Being able to have your dream job in a place you want to live in in two years sounds like a much dreamier job than having a job in a place you don't want to live.
posted by yohko at 1:10 PM on November 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
Seems like a huge no brainer. Move.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:22 PM on November 6, 2014
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:22 PM on November 6, 2014
A couple of things:
1. What, if any, kind of quality of living hit will you take if you move home? You said the new company will pay more money - but given cost-of-living can vary from area to area, will you at least be able to maintain your midwest standard of living?
2. Can you project the difference in lifetime income in the two scenarios? Is the difference negligable, or would staying the extra year result in a serious improvement in your life? And part of this is figuring out where your career ranks along with getting married and having a family. If you foresee yourself as a SAHM, then you might only be working for another 2-3 years.
Honestly, I'm just trying to play Devil's Advocate here because no-one else is. There's always risk in changing jobs ("yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff" etc) but it sounds like the benefits of home would more than compensate if the new job sucks.
posted by doctor tough love at 1:42 PM on November 6, 2014
1. What, if any, kind of quality of living hit will you take if you move home? You said the new company will pay more money - but given cost-of-living can vary from area to area, will you at least be able to maintain your midwest standard of living?
2. Can you project the difference in lifetime income in the two scenarios? Is the difference negligable, or would staying the extra year result in a serious improvement in your life? And part of this is figuring out where your career ranks along with getting married and having a family. If you foresee yourself as a SAHM, then you might only be working for another 2-3 years.
Honestly, I'm just trying to play Devil's Advocate here because no-one else is. There's always risk in changing jobs ("yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff" etc) but it sounds like the benefits of home would more than compensate if the new job sucks.
posted by doctor tough love at 1:42 PM on November 6, 2014
My wife did this about four years ago: moved from a dream job with good chances of advancement in the United States in exchange for a non-permanent lower paying job back in Toronto.
Her career has still not recovered to where it was four years ago, but we are happily married raising our children near our families.
It's not a no-brainer, but I would move.
posted by 256 at 1:48 PM on November 6, 2014
Her career has still not recovered to where it was four years ago, but we are happily married raising our children near our families.
It's not a no-brainer, but I would move.
posted by 256 at 1:48 PM on November 6, 2014
It seems clear what your heart wants, and it also sounds like a practical/responsible decision. Go for it and move home.
posted by ktkt at 1:50 PM on November 6, 2014
posted by ktkt at 1:50 PM on November 6, 2014
...and what if you stayed, met somebody great and they never wanted to move east? what would you do then? Go home now!
posted by kate4914 at 2:01 PM on November 6, 2014
posted by kate4914 at 2:01 PM on November 6, 2014
If you want to take the new job and move home, go for it! I have to agree with ocherdraco though, that to make a decision based on a hypothetical relationship that doesn't yet exist is mere folly. It isn't easy to find a life partner in any geographic location, just because you want to, in my experience. YMMV. Good luck whatever you decide to do!
posted by strelitzia at 2:09 PM on November 6, 2014
posted by strelitzia at 2:09 PM on November 6, 2014
Best answer: Life is short and tragic and beautiful.
Opportunities to be happy must be grabbed with gusto! This is why I wear my good jewelry every day, this is why you should move back East to grab your joy with both hands. Do it.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 2:10 PM on November 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
Opportunities to be happy must be grabbed with gusto! This is why I wear my good jewelry every day, this is why you should move back East to grab your joy with both hands. Do it.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 2:10 PM on November 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Your dream job is forty or fifty hours of your week. Your dream location would be around you all the time. Having a place that feels like home is a rare and wonderful thing.
Don't even worry about a hypothetical partner. Your ideal partner would be attracted to a confident, contented person who knows what they want and goes after it, right? That's you living in the town you want.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:23 PM on November 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
Don't even worry about a hypothetical partner. Your ideal partner would be attracted to a confident, contented person who knows what they want and goes after it, right? That's you living in the town you want.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:23 PM on November 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I've done this. I gave up my dream job after 4 years because my husband and I loathed everything about the area - the town itself, the lifestyle, lack of availability for our hobbies, and distance from our families. We moved to a town much closer to our family and friends where we could lead the lives the wanted.
I had spent 10+ years working towards my dream job, and it was a huge decision. In terms of the career path I was on, my career will never recover. (My husband was not affected due to his job type.)
And it was without a doubt the best decision I've ever made. My career took a different path, and I don't have my "dream job" but it's okay. Everything else is way more fulfilling - we see our friends and families all the time, our hobbies are ours to do again, and we don't wake up every day kind of miserable. My "dream job" wasn't a dream job compared to all of that - it was something I did to make up for everything else, but it just couldn't replace those other things.
I think of it more as a lifestyle decision than a career decision. In our value system, lifestyle trumped career. Do you feel the same way? It sounds like you're much happier and fulfilled elsewhere. Possible relationships shouldn't factor into it - but the relationships you have now do.
And importantly, you have the opportunity to make this decision. We don't have many chances in life to go after the happiness we're seeking - so if lifestyle and current relationships elsewhere are more important to you than your career, than go after what makes you happy.
posted by barchan at 2:26 PM on November 6, 2014 [4 favorites]
I had spent 10+ years working towards my dream job, and it was a huge decision. In terms of the career path I was on, my career will never recover. (My husband was not affected due to his job type.)
And it was without a doubt the best decision I've ever made. My career took a different path, and I don't have my "dream job" but it's okay. Everything else is way more fulfilling - we see our friends and families all the time, our hobbies are ours to do again, and we don't wake up every day kind of miserable. My "dream job" wasn't a dream job compared to all of that - it was something I did to make up for everything else, but it just couldn't replace those other things.
I think of it more as a lifestyle decision than a career decision. In our value system, lifestyle trumped career. Do you feel the same way? It sounds like you're much happier and fulfilled elsewhere. Possible relationships shouldn't factor into it - but the relationships you have now do.
And importantly, you have the opportunity to make this decision. We don't have many chances in life to go after the happiness we're seeking - so if lifestyle and current relationships elsewhere are more important to you than your career, than go after what makes you happy.
posted by barchan at 2:26 PM on November 6, 2014 [4 favorites]
Go home!
Dream job is okay, but Okay job in Dream location is better.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 3:07 PM on November 6, 2014
Dream job is okay, but Okay job in Dream location is better.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 3:07 PM on November 6, 2014
You have that year to waste, if you want to. Your looks/baby-making skills/lovability aren't going to magically wither away and die just because you're single at 30 and focusing on your career. If you have your dream job and want to keep it and see if you can do even better back home next year, you absolutely can do that. But you are the only one who can answer whether that type of career advancement is worth sticking it out where you are and passing up this current opportunity.
If you're just ready to be out of the midwest, that's ok too. Go home, work your job, and enjoy your friends. But don't make the decision based on some imaginary clock that's ticking.
posted by ohisee at 3:29 PM on November 6, 2014
If you're just ready to be out of the midwest, that's ok too. Go home, work your job, and enjoy your friends. But don't make the decision based on some imaginary clock that's ticking.
posted by ohisee at 3:29 PM on November 6, 2014
I think you want to move home. You'll be happier if you do. And you have a good opportunity to do so now. So, I say, go for it!
posted by J. Wilson at 3:52 PM on November 6, 2014
posted by J. Wilson at 3:52 PM on November 6, 2014
Move. That's where you want to be long-term anyway, so start working on that life now.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:12 PM on November 6, 2014
posted by Jacqueline at 5:12 PM on November 6, 2014
Seven years ago, for almost exactly the reasons you give here, I left a decent job in the midwest for absolutely no job in the Northeast. It ended up better than it sounds; my midwest firm decided to keep me on working remotely from the Northeast for over a year. But I basically jumped with no parachute at all, because I wanted to live somewhere with people I knew, and liked, who knew and liked me.
I'm happy as a clam. I think it was the best decision I ever made. I say go for it!
posted by kythuen at 5:16 PM on November 6, 2014
I'm happy as a clam. I think it was the best decision I ever made. I say go for it!
posted by kythuen at 5:16 PM on November 6, 2014
Your description does make it sound like you really want to move back, but maybe you just didn't go into as much detail about how great your current dream job is. From what you wrote, I'd say move back to the East Coast now, but I don't think it's a no-brainer.
If I were you, here are some things I'd think about:
- If you stay, do you feel like it will be fairly easy to get another job offer in a year? Or will you find yourself ready to move back but having trouble getting a foot in the door in an East Coast company from afar?
- You're unsure about moving now; will a year in the dream job be enough, or at the year mark will you be wondering whether to stick it out in the Midwest for another year before you move?
- If you stay, will you spend the whole year feeling like you're not really there - like it's not worth it to really make close connections w/ people b/c you are moving soon, etc.?
- If you move and the new job turns out to not less fun and less challenging than you would like, would that be ok considering your improved quality of life? If you need to find a different job on the East Coast, could you find one similar to your current job?
- If you do meet a potential long-term partner in the Midwest, how would that change your calculations about when/whether to move back?
Either way, you will be fine - you're choosing between two good options! Good luck deciding!
posted by aka burlap at 6:54 PM on November 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
If I were you, here are some things I'd think about:
- If you stay, do you feel like it will be fairly easy to get another job offer in a year? Or will you find yourself ready to move back but having trouble getting a foot in the door in an East Coast company from afar?
- You're unsure about moving now; will a year in the dream job be enough, or at the year mark will you be wondering whether to stick it out in the Midwest for another year before you move?
- If you stay, will you spend the whole year feeling like you're not really there - like it's not worth it to really make close connections w/ people b/c you are moving soon, etc.?
- If you move and the new job turns out to not less fun and less challenging than you would like, would that be ok considering your improved quality of life? If you need to find a different job on the East Coast, could you find one similar to your current job?
- If you do meet a potential long-term partner in the Midwest, how would that change your calculations about when/whether to move back?
Either way, you will be fine - you're choosing between two good options! Good luck deciding!
posted by aka burlap at 6:54 PM on November 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I moved to the Midwest FOR an LTR that didn't work out. I didn't have a dream job, though, but I definitely missed friends/family/lifestyle from the East coast. I applied and as soon as I got a job offer in my hometown, I stopped making future "I'll move back when X, Y, Z at A, B, C time" and booked a plane ticket the very next day. The decision was easier in my circumstances, but if the only thing keeping you in your city is your job? Well, relationships in my opinion are worth more to me. Friendships, family, and enjoying my day to day is what matters most in the long run for me. I also agree with others that you may find someone and they're perfectly happy where they are. Maybe that's why your relationships failed? Because you in your heart you felt new city was temporary and home city is where you truly want to be. I hope to meet someone new in my home town because that's where I want to send my life, where my lifestyle suits me. Slowly, I've come to the realization that you can't live your life in the future waiting for something to happen, because it just might not and you wasted your time in the present when you could've been happy all along. Most importantly, what do you really want?
posted by lunastellasol at 2:20 AM on November 7, 2014
posted by lunastellasol at 2:20 AM on November 7, 2014
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