Gender transition and grad school applications
October 10, 2014 9:25 PM Subscribe
I'm a transgender woman in my last year of an undergraduate degree. I'm currently using male pronouns and my given name in most situations, but I'm planning to come out over Christmas break and use female pronouns and a new name in the spring semester, which will be my last before graduation. If I apply to computer science grad schools after I graduate, is my transition likely to cause complications which could hurt my application?
I'm mostly worried about getting reference letters from professors, who have known me as male. To begin with, I have no idea how they'll react to me coming out. (They're male academics in mathematics or computer science in their 50s or 60s. I don't have any idea where they they stand on the political spectrum, but at least none of them have taken exception to me being an apparent male with long hair.) I'd like to believe that even if they are confused or unsettled by my transition, they can be professional enough to not let it negatively impact their letters, but I don't know if this is true. Even if the level of praise in the letters is unaffected, I probably can't count on the letter-writers consistently using the right name and pronouns; will this inconsistency look bad to the schools I am applying to?
What I had been planning up until recently was to apply to grad schools this fall, with all reference letters and application materials referring to me as male. I would then notify schools of my transition in the spring and start grad school the following fall. This would sidestep any messiness related to my gender transition, but for reasons both academic and personal I'd like to be able to wait a year before applying. (Academic: By this time next year, I will very likely have at least one singly-authored paper published, and possibly as many as three. Right now, all I can point to for publications are two papers with the same coauthor, published in a fairly minor journal. Personal: I'd really like to take a gap year to figure myself out a bit, and right now I have enough on my mind without worrying about completing grad school applications.) However, I'll trying to get into the top schools in the United States, and I'm reluctant to do anything that will weaken my application.
If do decide to wait until next year to apply to grad schools, how should I time my asking for letters and coming out to my professors? A faculty advisor (who doesn't know that I'll be transitioning) suggested that if I take a gap year, I might want to ask teachers to write letters now while I'm fresh in their minds, then have them send the letters to schools when I apply. Should I do this, and then come out to my letter-writers and ask them to correct names and pronouns before sending out the letter? Or would some other way of timing it work better? Given that the names and pronouns in the letters are likely to be patchy at best, would it make sense to just explain to the grad schools that the names and pronouns in my letters will be incorrect, and not come out to the letter-writers at all?
I'm mostly worried about getting reference letters from professors, who have known me as male. To begin with, I have no idea how they'll react to me coming out. (They're male academics in mathematics or computer science in their 50s or 60s. I don't have any idea where they they stand on the political spectrum, but at least none of them have taken exception to me being an apparent male with long hair.) I'd like to believe that even if they are confused or unsettled by my transition, they can be professional enough to not let it negatively impact their letters, but I don't know if this is true. Even if the level of praise in the letters is unaffected, I probably can't count on the letter-writers consistently using the right name and pronouns; will this inconsistency look bad to the schools I am applying to?
What I had been planning up until recently was to apply to grad schools this fall, with all reference letters and application materials referring to me as male. I would then notify schools of my transition in the spring and start grad school the following fall. This would sidestep any messiness related to my gender transition, but for reasons both academic and personal I'd like to be able to wait a year before applying. (Academic: By this time next year, I will very likely have at least one singly-authored paper published, and possibly as many as three. Right now, all I can point to for publications are two papers with the same coauthor, published in a fairly minor journal. Personal: I'd really like to take a gap year to figure myself out a bit, and right now I have enough on my mind without worrying about completing grad school applications.) However, I'll trying to get into the top schools in the United States, and I'm reluctant to do anything that will weaken my application.
If do decide to wait until next year to apply to grad schools, how should I time my asking for letters and coming out to my professors? A faculty advisor (who doesn't know that I'll be transitioning) suggested that if I take a gap year, I might want to ask teachers to write letters now while I'm fresh in their minds, then have them send the letters to schools when I apply. Should I do this, and then come out to my letter-writers and ask them to correct names and pronouns before sending out the letter? Or would some other way of timing it work better? Given that the names and pronouns in the letters are likely to be patchy at best, would it make sense to just explain to the grad schools that the names and pronouns in my letters will be incorrect, and not come out to the letter-writers at all?
I think you should go ahead and apply this year.
IIRC, a lot of the top schools will allow you to defer admission for a year. If you get in, great!, and if you don't, you'll apply again next year. Depending where you wind up, it can also be very very easy to take a leave of absence later if you want/need it.
I wouldn't worry too much about not having a first-author paper yet; plenty of successful applicants don't. If you've been doing promising research, your letters will reflect that, and letters alone can get you into a top program.
if you apply now, your letters will already be written. Given how consistently my letter writers have procrastinated, I don't think I'd have had much luck getting them to write letters in advance.
While I agree with John Cohen in theory, I probably wouldn't trust recommenders to get pronouns correct in all cases. This might be an appropriate usage of the "any other information?" box, but I'd defer to anybody with inside knowledge of the admissions committees you'll likely face regarding information on how coming out in your application will affect your chances.
posted by Metasyntactic at 11:21 PM on October 10, 2014
IIRC, a lot of the top schools will allow you to defer admission for a year. If you get in, great!, and if you don't, you'll apply again next year. Depending where you wind up, it can also be very very easy to take a leave of absence later if you want/need it.
I wouldn't worry too much about not having a first-author paper yet; plenty of successful applicants don't. If you've been doing promising research, your letters will reflect that, and letters alone can get you into a top program.
if you apply now, your letters will already be written. Given how consistently my letter writers have procrastinated, I don't think I'd have had much luck getting them to write letters in advance.
While I agree with John Cohen in theory, I probably wouldn't trust recommenders to get pronouns correct in all cases. This might be an appropriate usage of the "any other information?" box, but I'd defer to anybody with inside knowledge of the admissions committees you'll likely face regarding information on how coming out in your application will affect your chances.
posted by Metasyntactic at 11:21 PM on October 10, 2014
Best answer: While I agree with John Cohen in theory, I probably wouldn't trust recommenders...
By the way, I want to be clear that I'm not saying recommenders will get things exactly right and you'll have nothing to worry about. Maybe you can convince them to show you the letters before they're sent. Now, I usually think it's ideal not to do this (in the interest of candor) — but I've had recommenders try to show me their letters before sending them! My main point is: if at all possible, bear down on the recommenders, rather than the people reviewing your application. Getting a problematic recommendation and then trying to explain your way around it is a precarious approach. If your recommendation letters aren't pristinely appropriate, that could be hard to recover from.
posted by John Cohen at 12:13 AM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]
By the way, I want to be clear that I'm not saying recommenders will get things exactly right and you'll have nothing to worry about. Maybe you can convince them to show you the letters before they're sent. Now, I usually think it's ideal not to do this (in the interest of candor) — but I've had recommenders try to show me their letters before sending them! My main point is: if at all possible, bear down on the recommenders, rather than the people reviewing your application. Getting a problematic recommendation and then trying to explain your way around it is a precarious approach. If your recommendation letters aren't pristinely appropriate, that could be hard to recover from.
posted by John Cohen at 12:13 AM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]
Your question addresses only the social side of your transition, not the legal side: don't conflate them. Regardless of whether you decide to start using your female name after Christmas, you'll still be known by your male identity to all and sundry required to refer to you using the terms that appear on your birth certificate, passport, social security card (if US, obvs), etc. That includes both your university and the schools to which you will apply. Until you take legal steps to officially change your identity, your female name/gender isn't germane to the graduation/application process. I think the bigger worry is actually that the mismatch will be that kindly and sensitive profs refer to you as Jane when all your credentials will say John. As noted above, if you apply now and defer admission for a year, you sidestep the recommendation gender issues.
With respect, because I know and love many transgender people and understand how liberating taking on the right identity can be, you're going to have a lot on your plate during your senior year. As I understand it, you're thinking of applying to grad school and/or finishing a few articles, coming out to your family and friends (and dealing with the education the aftermath of that will require), organizing for either a gap year or a move to a new city, and handling the exhilaration and fear that comes with living out in the open, all along with your classwork and the bittersweet times that comprise one's senior year. That's really a lot!
If you ease into the transition, rather than declaring a brand new day, a lot of things might go easier for you. For example, a legal name change right on the heels of your MTF news may be very difficult for your family to process and become a very tender issue. You can deal with the name change thing in the fullness of time; it's not as big a rush as it may seem to be now. Down the road, you can get a new diploma and documentation that Jane Doe used to be known as John Doe for the purposes of dealing with other credentials, like the article(s).
posted by carmicha at 7:26 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
With respect, because I know and love many transgender people and understand how liberating taking on the right identity can be, you're going to have a lot on your plate during your senior year. As I understand it, you're thinking of applying to grad school and/or finishing a few articles, coming out to your family and friends (and dealing with the education the aftermath of that will require), organizing for either a gap year or a move to a new city, and handling the exhilaration and fear that comes with living out in the open, all along with your classwork and the bittersweet times that comprise one's senior year. That's really a lot!
If you ease into the transition, rather than declaring a brand new day, a lot of things might go easier for you. For example, a legal name change right on the heels of your MTF news may be very difficult for your family to process and become a very tender issue. You can deal with the name change thing in the fullness of time; it's not as big a rush as it may seem to be now. Down the road, you can get a new diploma and documentation that Jane Doe used to be known as John Doe for the purposes of dealing with other credentials, like the article(s).
posted by carmicha at 7:26 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Personally, as a member of a grad admission committee at a research university in the US - not in CS, but in a field with similar demographics - I'd spend extra time looking at an application identified as being from a transgender woman. But, its true you might get unlucky and offend or confuse someone reading your application, even in an otherwise welcoming department.
It's a big convoluted and may feel funny, but I'd suggest the following.
First, go ahead and apply to schools this year, as planned, with your old male name. But, only apply to the ones you'd be excited to attend - don't bother with fallback options. Ask your letter writers to submit recommendations immediately. The chances that you'll get in this year aren't that different from the changes you'll get in next year. If it works out, essentially every school will allow you defer admissions for a year. Then, before you arrive, you phone up the department contact and the registrar and explain your new professional name and identity, and you start from day one as the person you really are.
If you don't get into schools this year, then take a year off as planned. When it comes time to apply again, you write to your previous recommenders, remind them that they wrote letters for you previously, and mention briefly that you've transitioned. Ask them to please modify the letters to include your new name and preferred pronoun. Unless you get fantastically unluckly and wind up working with a real jerk, there's very little chance they'll do anything except a search-and-replace to modify the letters. (There's solid evidence that men receive stronger recommendation letters than equally qualified women. . . so, this approach may actually work to your advantage.)
Of course your letter writers might screw up; I'd add a one-sentence note in your application materials explaining that you were previously known under a different name and pronoun. (Confusion is a bigger worry than bigotry, at least among the academics I know.) Don't dwell on it - your application should be all about your subject of study, not about you. On your admissions paperwork, I'd include an a.k.a or an old first name as a middle name, just to reassure those reading your application that any mistaken paperwork is actually related to you and not somebody else.
Also - absolutely do not say anything about taking a gap year to figure yourself out a bit in any of your application materials or when talking to your recommenders. It's completely unfair, but you'll be viewed as a risk for dropping out of the program if you show anything except unbridled enthusiasm for jumping into grad school. The moment you get an official letter from the department offering admission, you can start discussing your year off. They won't mind, and you're definitely not the first person to do it. It's an expected part of the negotiation.
Good luck! (As a cis male who didn't have to worry about any of your specific concerns, I found applying to grad school terrifying. I definitely feel for you.)
posted by eotvos at 7:30 AM on October 11, 2014 [9 favorites]
It's a big convoluted and may feel funny, but I'd suggest the following.
First, go ahead and apply to schools this year, as planned, with your old male name. But, only apply to the ones you'd be excited to attend - don't bother with fallback options. Ask your letter writers to submit recommendations immediately. The chances that you'll get in this year aren't that different from the changes you'll get in next year. If it works out, essentially every school will allow you defer admissions for a year. Then, before you arrive, you phone up the department contact and the registrar and explain your new professional name and identity, and you start from day one as the person you really are.
If you don't get into schools this year, then take a year off as planned. When it comes time to apply again, you write to your previous recommenders, remind them that they wrote letters for you previously, and mention briefly that you've transitioned. Ask them to please modify the letters to include your new name and preferred pronoun. Unless you get fantastically unluckly and wind up working with a real jerk, there's very little chance they'll do anything except a search-and-replace to modify the letters. (There's solid evidence that men receive stronger recommendation letters than equally qualified women. . . so, this approach may actually work to your advantage.)
Of course your letter writers might screw up; I'd add a one-sentence note in your application materials explaining that you were previously known under a different name and pronoun. (Confusion is a bigger worry than bigotry, at least among the academics I know.) Don't dwell on it - your application should be all about your subject of study, not about you. On your admissions paperwork, I'd include an a.k.a or an old first name as a middle name, just to reassure those reading your application that any mistaken paperwork is actually related to you and not somebody else.
Also - absolutely do not say anything about taking a gap year to figure yourself out a bit in any of your application materials or when talking to your recommenders. It's completely unfair, but you'll be viewed as a risk for dropping out of the program if you show anything except unbridled enthusiasm for jumping into grad school. The moment you get an official letter from the department offering admission, you can start discussing your year off. They won't mind, and you're definitely not the first person to do it. It's an expected part of the negotiation.
Good luck! (As a cis male who didn't have to worry about any of your specific concerns, I found applying to grad school terrifying. I definitely feel for you.)
posted by eotvos at 7:30 AM on October 11, 2014 [9 favorites]
Re some of the suggestions above, call the administrator (won't be a professor) at each school who's in charge of the day-to-day running of the grad program, and ask them about policies for deferring for a year, to make sure deferral is a 100% possibility.
posted by zeek321 at 2:10 PM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by zeek321 at 2:10 PM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
Just for reassurance purposes, I know of someone who applied to grad school at a prestigious university in the sciences as female, transitioned in the interim, showed up the first day as male, and the sum total of the PI's reaction was muttering to a trusted nth year grad student that he wished someone from the admissions office had given him more of a heads up and thereby saved the prof from making a very minor ass of himself, oh well, back to research everyone.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 10:54 PM on October 11, 2014
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 10:54 PM on October 11, 2014
I talked to my partner, who is ftm and was applying to grad programs while transitioning a few years ago. This is the advice he gave:
"Helpful things I did when applying to grad school:
1. Emailed the admissions department of the schools upfront to explain my preferred name and pronouns vs. what would be on my transcripts.
2. Met with each of my recommenders in person to discuss the letters of recommendation, and in each meeting said, "I am undergoing a transition and will henceforth be known as [name] and [pronouns]." (The second-wave lesbian-feminist and the Dominican monk were both clearly uncomfortable with this, but they complied with my wishes.)
3. Emailed recommenders when it was actually time for them to write the letters, and reminded them of the name and pronouns they should use for me.
Good luck, OP!"
posted by naturalog at 9:55 AM on October 12, 2014
"Helpful things I did when applying to grad school:
1. Emailed the admissions department of the schools upfront to explain my preferred name and pronouns vs. what would be on my transcripts.
2. Met with each of my recommenders in person to discuss the letters of recommendation, and in each meeting said, "I am undergoing a transition and will henceforth be known as [name] and [pronouns]." (The second-wave lesbian-feminist and the Dominican monk were both clearly uncomfortable with this, but they complied with my wishes.)
3. Emailed recommenders when it was actually time for them to write the letters, and reminded them of the name and pronouns they should use for me.
Good luck, OP!"
posted by naturalog at 9:55 AM on October 12, 2014
Response by poster: Thank you everyone!
I'm going to follow eotvos's recommendation and apply just to my top picks this year, and then apply to a broader range of schools next year if this year's applications don't work out, doing everything I can to communicate both with my recommenders and with the admissions offices to minimize the risk of confusion.
posted by unknot at 8:25 PM on October 12, 2014
I'm going to follow eotvos's recommendation and apply just to my top picks this year, and then apply to a broader range of schools next year if this year's applications don't work out, doing everything I can to communicate both with my recommenders and with the admissions offices to minimize the risk of confusion.
posted by unknot at 8:25 PM on October 12, 2014
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No. It would reflect badly on you to say that your recommenders are getting basic info about you wrong. That casts a negative light on the recommendations, and that's definitely not the frame of mind you want to put people in when they're reviewing your application.
If you have to apply pressure or make things a bit complicated for anyone, do it to your recommenders. They're the ones who already know you. While it's theoretically conceivable that they could react badly to the news in a way that might have some effect on their letters, that possibility isn't a reason to delay applying. It's their job to recommend people, to respond well to students seeking recommendations, and to have some patience.
By contrast, the people reviewing your application can't be counted on to be patient. They will make snap judgments. If it looks like a letter is for the wrong person, they're likely to disregard it altogether. Even if you include an explanation, you can't count on someone you don't know to read every word of your application and put all these pieces together.
posted by John Cohen at 11:08 PM on October 10, 2014 [4 favorites]