How best to curb a detrimental perfectionist streak?
October 3, 2014 3:47 PM Subscribe
I'm looking for approaches on how to prevent a perfectionist streak from stalling progress on personal projects.
I've been laying down the groundwork to start my own business in a few years; I'm currently close-ish to the top of my pay-scale for my industry. The pay-scale isn't that great, and really only improves if you become your own boss, which can still take years. Any moves I make in that regard will be pretty much lateral, and would require physical moves to other cities (which isn't an option, because my wife's job is super stable, union, great pay, highly secure and all that). My own business won't go 'live' for a few years, as my kid is in daycare and that just about eats up all our surplus resources (both in time and money). I can't hit the project with my full effort for another 2-3 years when he hits grade-school.
I'm feel like I have a really good grasp at the project's roadmap, but my current plans have lots of downtime. A few big key pieces of equipment have been purchased, but they've been bought used and need refurbished. I'm only about a quarter of the way there with equipment purchases, and build-out costs. Even after refurbishment and purchase price, this saves me a ton of coin in the long run, but this is turning out to be a bit of a roadblock for me in the here-and-now. It feels like they're sitting there mocking me, because I can't afford to work on them right now. Since i'm trying to do this with as little debt as possible, I wait 6 months, save up a little bit of my moonlighting cash, and then tackle First Problem, then it's another 6 months until I can fix the next, and so on. All of the next steps require more cash than I can easily save up right now, so the project is at a stand-still.
When I go to try and tackle a problem, things are moving at such a glacial pace that I have too much time to think about them, and how to execute them perfectly, instead of just well enough, or even better than average. I'm not normally a perfectionist, but when it comes to this project I've got so much time to stew over it, that I refine each and every detail in my head, and on paper. The project then seems waaaaay too big, way to out of reach, and I just stall out and fall into a pretty deep, but short lived depression…and then I do nothing with the project because it all feels out of reach and way too big. I'm totally allowing "Perfect" to be the enemy of "good" as it were.
A really good analog in this situation would be restoring a vintage car; there's some rust somewhere on my project that needs fixed before I can really make it worthwhile. I'm on such a long timerframe that I start obsessing over details like the dent that's nearby the rust…that no one will ever notice but me, but I want to fix the dents and the rust. This makes the project more expensive, for no real tangible reason other than I want it to be perfect.
I'm trying to figure out concrete ways to combat "letting perfect be the enemy of good." I'm not typically a perfectionist, so I don't really have a complete toolkit for combating this pattern of mine. What are the best brain-tools perfectionists use to short circuit the urge for things to be perfect, versus good enough?
Please note; I am talking to my therapist about this, but we've got alot of ground to cover right now, and I can't attend therapy as much as I would like until my insurance changes. I am seeing a therapist, and this is on the docket of shit to address, but I've just got bigger fish to fry as it were.
I've been laying down the groundwork to start my own business in a few years; I'm currently close-ish to the top of my pay-scale for my industry. The pay-scale isn't that great, and really only improves if you become your own boss, which can still take years. Any moves I make in that regard will be pretty much lateral, and would require physical moves to other cities (which isn't an option, because my wife's job is super stable, union, great pay, highly secure and all that). My own business won't go 'live' for a few years, as my kid is in daycare and that just about eats up all our surplus resources (both in time and money). I can't hit the project with my full effort for another 2-3 years when he hits grade-school.
I'm feel like I have a really good grasp at the project's roadmap, but my current plans have lots of downtime. A few big key pieces of equipment have been purchased, but they've been bought used and need refurbished. I'm only about a quarter of the way there with equipment purchases, and build-out costs. Even after refurbishment and purchase price, this saves me a ton of coin in the long run, but this is turning out to be a bit of a roadblock for me in the here-and-now. It feels like they're sitting there mocking me, because I can't afford to work on them right now. Since i'm trying to do this with as little debt as possible, I wait 6 months, save up a little bit of my moonlighting cash, and then tackle First Problem, then it's another 6 months until I can fix the next, and so on. All of the next steps require more cash than I can easily save up right now, so the project is at a stand-still.
When I go to try and tackle a problem, things are moving at such a glacial pace that I have too much time to think about them, and how to execute them perfectly, instead of just well enough, or even better than average. I'm not normally a perfectionist, but when it comes to this project I've got so much time to stew over it, that I refine each and every detail in my head, and on paper. The project then seems waaaaay too big, way to out of reach, and I just stall out and fall into a pretty deep, but short lived depression…and then I do nothing with the project because it all feels out of reach and way too big. I'm totally allowing "Perfect" to be the enemy of "good" as it were.
A really good analog in this situation would be restoring a vintage car; there's some rust somewhere on my project that needs fixed before I can really make it worthwhile. I'm on such a long timerframe that I start obsessing over details like the dent that's nearby the rust…that no one will ever notice but me, but I want to fix the dents and the rust. This makes the project more expensive, for no real tangible reason other than I want it to be perfect.
I'm trying to figure out concrete ways to combat "letting perfect be the enemy of good." I'm not typically a perfectionist, so I don't really have a complete toolkit for combating this pattern of mine. What are the best brain-tools perfectionists use to short circuit the urge for things to be perfect, versus good enough?
Please note; I am talking to my therapist about this, but we've got alot of ground to cover right now, and I can't attend therapy as much as I would like until my insurance changes. I am seeing a therapist, and this is on the docket of shit to address, but I've just got bigger fish to fry as it were.
A key problem you describe is your feeling of tiem being out of whack - sometimes you feel like you've got forever to do this, no hurry, take a nap, other times you feel like it's too big and you'll never get it all done.
It sounds like much of this problem would go out the window if you felt the pressure of deadlines bearing down on you, and you had concrete steps to takes to meet those deadlines.
- Do at least something every day. You don't have to build a wall, but you should least place a brick.
- Give yourself a schedule so you know what you need to be working on and a feeling of needing to get it done. More important than the deadlines however is probably just ensuring there is always definite task at hand, instead of a nebulous web of things that all need doing.
- Try to set yourself tasks that have a clear beginning and end.
- Reassure yourself that it's better to do a half-assed job and finish it without fear because you can always come back to later and refine it further if that turns out to be necessary, and that is better than continually wasting your time doing things perfectly that don't really need to be done perfectly, or even more dangerous (and more likely) - wasting your time and never even finishing!
posted by anonymisc at 4:39 PM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]
It sounds like much of this problem would go out the window if you felt the pressure of deadlines bearing down on you, and you had concrete steps to takes to meet those deadlines.
- Do at least something every day. You don't have to build a wall, but you should least place a brick.
- Give yourself a schedule so you know what you need to be working on and a feeling of needing to get it done. More important than the deadlines however is probably just ensuring there is always definite task at hand, instead of a nebulous web of things that all need doing.
- Try to set yourself tasks that have a clear beginning and end.
- Reassure yourself that it's better to do a half-assed job and finish it without fear because you can always come back to later and refine it further if that turns out to be necessary, and that is better than continually wasting your time doing things perfectly that don't really need to be done perfectly, or even more dangerous (and more likely) - wasting your time and never even finishing!
posted by anonymisc at 4:39 PM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]
If someone told me they wanted to open a restaurant, I'd tell them to open the equivalent of a hot dog cart instead. Why? Restaurants are real estate and liability insurance and fixed costs. Hot dog carts are quick and mobile and teach you about locations and customers and marketing and how to serve food for money.
What is the hot dog cart version of your business? Get that running in 30 days. Serve a customer within 30 days.
If you can't even do that? You can't execute on the Smallest. Possible. Version? Honestly, I bet your idea needs a ton of work. Start over and set a new 30-day goal.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:53 PM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]
What is the hot dog cart version of your business? Get that running in 30 days. Serve a customer within 30 days.
If you can't even do that? You can't execute on the Smallest. Possible. Version? Honestly, I bet your idea needs a ton of work. Start over and set a new 30-day goal.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:53 PM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]
It sounds to me that you're hiding behind perfectionism to procrastinate. Is this fear? Are you secretly terrified of going out on your own and/or the possibility of failing?
posted by DarlingBri at 5:22 PM on October 3, 2014
posted by DarlingBri at 5:22 PM on October 3, 2014
Response by poster: I don't want to be a threadsit or reply to everyone individually so I'll try and clarify. Momentum once I have resources isn't an issue; when I'm able to purchase bricks, they get set, and I'm typically really excited to work on the project. If I had a bucket of cash right now, I wouldn't be sleeping EVER just to get it done. I have built in limits because I don't always have capital to sink into the project, so it naturally goes in spurts. The downtimes are the worst, because thats when I obsess and refine plans, freak out because of the scope of the project, then that slides into depression. The project seems artificially bigger because i'm imposing all these details on the project that don't really need to happen, other than I would enjoy them to.
I also can't venture out on my own until the project is completed; doing so would jeopardize my current job. This is basically the smallest functioning unit possible for my industry, the gear just has a sizable buy-in.
Project itself is fine; It's a very long term project. The perfectionist streak that i'm imposing on the project is the problematic part. I need tools on how to short circuit perfectionist tendencies that loop me into making the project too big in my mind, and then torpedo me towards a depressive zone. I'm not typically a perfectionist, so I don't really know how to combat the tendency.
Reassure yourself that it's better to do a half-assed job and finish it without fear because you can always come back to later and refine it further if that turns out to be necessary, and that is better than continually wasting your time doing things perfectly that don't really need to be done perfectly, or even more dangerous (and more likely) - wasting your time and never even finishing!
This is closest to answering the crux of my question, but…er…how do I go about reassuring myself of this and changing the pattern?
posted by furnace.heart at 5:42 PM on October 3, 2014
I also can't venture out on my own until the project is completed; doing so would jeopardize my current job. This is basically the smallest functioning unit possible for my industry, the gear just has a sizable buy-in.
Project itself is fine; It's a very long term project. The perfectionist streak that i'm imposing on the project is the problematic part. I need tools on how to short circuit perfectionist tendencies that loop me into making the project too big in my mind, and then torpedo me towards a depressive zone. I'm not typically a perfectionist, so I don't really know how to combat the tendency.
Reassure yourself that it's better to do a half-assed job and finish it without fear because you can always come back to later and refine it further if that turns out to be necessary, and that is better than continually wasting your time doing things perfectly that don't really need to be done perfectly, or even more dangerous (and more likely) - wasting your time and never even finishing!
This is closest to answering the crux of my question, but…er…how do I go about reassuring myself of this and changing the pattern?
posted by furnace.heart at 5:42 PM on October 3, 2014
Reassure yourself that it's OK to move forward without complete assurance that you have the right answer.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:03 PM on October 3, 2014
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:03 PM on October 3, 2014
>> The downtimes are the worst, because thats when I obsess and refine plans, freak out because of the scope of the project, then that slides into depression. The project seems artificially bigger because i'm imposing all these details on the project that don't really need to happen, other than I would enjoy them to.
Dude... find something else to do during the downtimes so you don't do that.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:12 PM on October 3, 2014
Dude... find something else to do during the downtimes so you don't do that.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:12 PM on October 3, 2014
No one. NO ONE. Ever got it right the first time. Not Mozart, not Edison, not Larry Page.
Iteration is key.
Experiment.
Fail.
Learn.
Rinse, repeat.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:22 PM on October 3, 2014
Iteration is key.
Experiment.
Fail.
Learn.
Rinse, repeat.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 9:22 PM on October 3, 2014
You need some other project to work on in the downtimes.
It sounds like your main constraint is money, so either find something that's free, or something where you can make some extra money. It should be interesting enough to give you plans to think about, but also something you can set aside for an indefinite time while working on the main project and pick back up later.
posted by yohko at 10:27 PM on October 3, 2014
It sounds like your main constraint is money, so either find something that's free, or something where you can make some extra money. It should be interesting enough to give you plans to think about, but also something you can set aside for an indefinite time while working on the main project and pick back up later.
posted by yohko at 10:27 PM on October 3, 2014
Become aware of, and make note of, how often imperfections arise in your current job without detriment to the customer or the company. Remember this when you're working on the equipment for your own start-up. Identify the money and time you might save by your preparations being good enough instead of perfect. See if those savings can allow you to be up and running sooner. Use that as a source of motivation.
I've had professional help with perfectionism in the past and my blunt 'homework' was to 'go do something and fuck it up a bit'. The idea was to start with really small things at home, then progress to bigger things, then start doing this at work. 'Fuck it up' just meaning that it wasn't perfect, by the way. I then had to observe how generally, nobody noticed the imperfections that I did, and that they didn't cause any harm by being there.
It worked wonders and I now see perfectionism as a tool to use selectively when it really, really matters, but leave in the toolbox 95% of the time.
posted by dowcrag at 2:51 AM on October 4, 2014 [1 favorite]
I've had professional help with perfectionism in the past and my blunt 'homework' was to 'go do something and fuck it up a bit'. The idea was to start with really small things at home, then progress to bigger things, then start doing this at work. 'Fuck it up' just meaning that it wasn't perfect, by the way. I then had to observe how generally, nobody noticed the imperfections that I did, and that they didn't cause any harm by being there.
It worked wonders and I now see perfectionism as a tool to use selectively when it really, really matters, but leave in the toolbox 95% of the time.
posted by dowcrag at 2:51 AM on October 4, 2014 [1 favorite]
As someone who recently let several years of advance prep for a solid business idea wither (due to a mix of real-life factors, toxic perfectionism/self-doubt, and a heaping dose of resulting depression) I feel like I might have some good advice.
As someone who probably has a fundamentally different personality than yours (I struggle with perfectionism and task completion on a regular basis, not just in a specific case), maybe I don't.
Maybe I shouldn't offer any at all, then... Aw, crap!
It sounds like you either need to slow your mental hamster wheel down, or else use it to get some exercise. If you don't have the resources to make substantive repairs to your equipment, perhaps you can sub for this by getting to know it on a physical level; taking the different machines apart, cleaning each component, putting it all back together, etc. That's basically free, right? Alternately, maybe reading up on common failure points and making a spreadsheet of what's most likely to need repairs down the line, and when.
Or, if you've already got that covered (or are just sick of giving the equipment mental energy, altogether), try switching gears to an element of the future business that you've been forgetting about. If you've been focused on financials and production equipment, maybe more time spent on a more esoteric function is in order; take a community college class on marketing or business ethics. Obsess about the mistakes your future employees might make, and how to deal with them when they arise.
But yeah, in a nutshell; do something, or have something on deck, at pretty much any time. Alternately and counter-intuitively, step away as needed (i.e. do something else).
Actually, some of this wasn't half-bad advice; I don't know if you'll find it helpful, but I kinda wish I'd thought of -- and applied some of it -- before. In any case, best of luck!
posted by credible hulk at 5:39 AM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]
As someone who probably has a fundamentally different personality than yours (I struggle with perfectionism and task completion on a regular basis, not just in a specific case), maybe I don't.
Maybe I shouldn't offer any at all, then... Aw, crap!
It sounds like you either need to slow your mental hamster wheel down, or else use it to get some exercise. If you don't have the resources to make substantive repairs to your equipment, perhaps you can sub for this by getting to know it on a physical level; taking the different machines apart, cleaning each component, putting it all back together, etc. That's basically free, right? Alternately, maybe reading up on common failure points and making a spreadsheet of what's most likely to need repairs down the line, and when.
Or, if you've already got that covered (or are just sick of giving the equipment mental energy, altogether), try switching gears to an element of the future business that you've been forgetting about. If you've been focused on financials and production equipment, maybe more time spent on a more esoteric function is in order; take a community college class on marketing or business ethics. Obsess about the mistakes your future employees might make, and how to deal with them when they arise.
But yeah, in a nutshell; do something, or have something on deck, at pretty much any time. Alternately and counter-intuitively, step away as needed (i.e. do something else).
Actually, some of this wasn't half-bad advice; I don't know if you'll find it helpful, but I kinda wish I'd thought of -- and applied some of it -- before. In any case, best of luck!
posted by credible hulk at 5:39 AM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]
Momentum once I have resources isn't an issue; when I'm able to purchase bricks, they get set, and I'm typically really excited to work on the project. If I had a bucket of cash right now, I wouldn't be sleeping EVER just to get it done. I have built in limits because I don't always have capital to sink into the project, so it naturally goes in spurts. The downtimes are the worst, because thats when I obsess and refine plans, freak out because of the scope of the project, then that slides into depression. The project seems artificially bigger because i'm imposing all these details on the project that don't really need to happen
You need to not work on it when you can't purchase the bricks. Maybe for some of the equipment you might wait to buy it until you have the repair money, or maybe you just need to make it harder to get at the project when you don't have the money for bricks. It sounds like there is nothing useful to do until you get more money, so don't do things where there is nothing useful to be done, you are only hurting yourself.
Out of sight, out of mind... if this is where you see it every day you need to change that. Put it in storage, or cover it up with a decorative cloth or box or car cover or something. Put a table and tablecloth over it. If seeing the project is part of your motivation, replace the flawed thing with a picture that reminds you of the project.
posted by yohko at 2:07 PM on August 20, 2015
You need to not work on it when you can't purchase the bricks. Maybe for some of the equipment you might wait to buy it until you have the repair money, or maybe you just need to make it harder to get at the project when you don't have the money for bricks. It sounds like there is nothing useful to do until you get more money, so don't do things where there is nothing useful to be done, you are only hurting yourself.
Out of sight, out of mind... if this is where you see it every day you need to change that. Put it in storage, or cover it up with a decorative cloth or box or car cover or something. Put a table and tablecloth over it. If seeing the project is part of your motivation, replace the flawed thing with a picture that reminds you of the project.
posted by yohko at 2:07 PM on August 20, 2015
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I suggest to work out what's the worst case if you take the faster, "good-enough" approach. Is that worst case acceptable or is the risk of it occurring acceptable relative to what you're investing into this? If so, then you can commit to the good-enough course without worrying.
posted by michaelh at 4:06 PM on October 3, 2014