Do I have an eating disorder/some other issue?
September 23, 2014 10:59 PM Subscribe
I'm 5'5 and 115 pounds. People tell me I'm too thin. Am I?
Many people have told me that I am "very small" or should gain weight. I wear a 25/26 jean and usually an XXS or XS top. I think I weigh about 115 pounds or so and I'm about 5'5.
The thing is that I do not feel small. I feel average. When I look at my body, I see what needs improvement. I don't want to lose more weight, because I know I would never lose enough where I want to lose it (butt, thighs). Instead, I'd just get skinnier up top. My plan is to gain more muscle to hide the fat in those areas.
But people keep telling me I'm really small or too thin. I do definitely watch what I eat - I eat almost no junk food and feel extremely guilty if I eat anything "bad." I have a pretty restricted diet and eat the same things over and over again, focusing on the least amount of carbs possible and making sure I eat tons of fruit/vegetables/protein.
I'm wondering, though, if this diet has kind of got out of control. I justify it by saying that it gives me energy, which is true, the sugar did make me tired. But it also makes me feel safe and in control. It's really hard for me to eat bad stuff. When I'm out, I always just order the healthiest option and calculate the amount of protein vs. carbs.
Is this an eating disorder of some sort or just a kind of unhealthy obsession? I'm just wondering if I should see the doc about this. I'm concerned that I no longer see my body as it actually is and that what I see as "fat" or average is in fact too thin.
Many people have told me that I am "very small" or should gain weight. I wear a 25/26 jean and usually an XXS or XS top. I think I weigh about 115 pounds or so and I'm about 5'5.
The thing is that I do not feel small. I feel average. When I look at my body, I see what needs improvement. I don't want to lose more weight, because I know I would never lose enough where I want to lose it (butt, thighs). Instead, I'd just get skinnier up top. My plan is to gain more muscle to hide the fat in those areas.
But people keep telling me I'm really small or too thin. I do definitely watch what I eat - I eat almost no junk food and feel extremely guilty if I eat anything "bad." I have a pretty restricted diet and eat the same things over and over again, focusing on the least amount of carbs possible and making sure I eat tons of fruit/vegetables/protein.
I'm wondering, though, if this diet has kind of got out of control. I justify it by saying that it gives me energy, which is true, the sugar did make me tired. But it also makes me feel safe and in control. It's really hard for me to eat bad stuff. When I'm out, I always just order the healthiest option and calculate the amount of protein vs. carbs.
Is this an eating disorder of some sort or just a kind of unhealthy obsession? I'm just wondering if I should see the doc about this. I'm concerned that I no longer see my body as it actually is and that what I see as "fat" or average is in fact too thin.
We basically can't answer this, for a whole lot of reasons, number one probably being that we know nothing about your build.
But this: I'm concerned that I no longer see my body as it actually is and that what I see as "fat" or average is in fact too thin is a valid concern and a very good reason to discuss these things with health care professionals. Start with your GP and start with that concern, not your weight.
posted by deadwax at 11:22 PM on September 23, 2014 [14 favorites]
But this: I'm concerned that I no longer see my body as it actually is and that what I see as "fat" or average is in fact too thin is a valid concern and a very good reason to discuss these things with health care professionals. Start with your GP and start with that concern, not your weight.
posted by deadwax at 11:22 PM on September 23, 2014 [14 favorites]
I'm 5'6", eat the same type of diet you do, and weighed about 120 lbs my whole life till menopause kicked in. It sounds like people are just doing the opposite of fat-shaming to you. Our culture has swung in a direction where it is now considered acceptable to taunt people who aren't fat by telling them they're too thin. Being overweight or fat is now considered normal and "curvy", and anyone who eats healthy and is at a healthy weight is considered abnormal. I would tell them to mind their own business. Don't let them fuck with your mind in order to make themselves feel better.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:34 PM on September 23, 2014 [21 favorites]
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:34 PM on September 23, 2014 [21 favorites]
It's the "safe and in control" part that's sending up red flags for me. Eating disorders often develop as a way to gain a sense of control. Another thing to keep in mind is that body dysmorphia can also be a sign of an eating disorder. At 5'5 and 115 pounds you are not fat. Your brain is lying to you.
We cannot diagnose you (and neither can your friends! They should butt out). Try talking to a doctor. They will be able to help you decide if you are in need of more help. Good luck!
posted by fireandthud at 11:43 PM on September 23, 2014 [35 favorites]
We cannot diagnose you (and neither can your friends! They should butt out). Try talking to a doctor. They will be able to help you decide if you are in need of more help. Good luck!
posted by fireandthud at 11:43 PM on September 23, 2014 [35 favorites]
This reminds me of myself when I was younger, and I feel so much better now that I've developed a more relaxed relationship with food. These parts especially sound like younger me:
> I have a pretty restricted diet and eat the same things over and over again, focusing on the least amount of carbs possible and making sure I eat tons of fruit/vegetables/protein.
> It's really hard for me to eat bad stuff. When I'm out, I always just order the healthiest option and calculate the amount of protein vs. carbs.
I was maintaining a normal weight, and I didn't get diagnosed as having an eating disorder (I didn't go to a professional to diagnose it), but I recognized that I had a problem when I started wishing for my digestive system to be replaced by a robot that would automatically take in and process the correct nutrients for me (so that I could stop worrying about it). I brought this up a couple times to friends, and they thought this was an odd joke instead of something that made sense to them - and I realized that something was wrong. The enjoyment had drained out of eating. Going out to a dinner with family was stressful because it threw off my calculations, instead of a pleasant occasion.
I am very happy that I have a more relaxed relationship with food now - I've traded a little bit of physical healthiness for better mental health. I can go out to eat and pick something that sounds tasty if I like it better than the healthiest option. I can eat an occasional treat just for fun and not really think about it much. I consider nutrition when choosing what to eat, but I don't count calories anymore.
It helped me to generally improve my life (shifting to a less stressful environment where I had more control over my life) and learn to manage my anxiety better (including through therapy). I don't know what will work for you, but I hope you find better balance too. Talking to your doctor sounds like a really good step - it probably would have helped me improve faster if I'd been able to do that.
posted by mysh at 11:49 PM on September 23, 2014 [2 favorites]
> I have a pretty restricted diet and eat the same things over and over again, focusing on the least amount of carbs possible and making sure I eat tons of fruit/vegetables/protein.
> It's really hard for me to eat bad stuff. When I'm out, I always just order the healthiest option and calculate the amount of protein vs. carbs.
I was maintaining a normal weight, and I didn't get diagnosed as having an eating disorder (I didn't go to a professional to diagnose it), but I recognized that I had a problem when I started wishing for my digestive system to be replaced by a robot that would automatically take in and process the correct nutrients for me (so that I could stop worrying about it). I brought this up a couple times to friends, and they thought this was an odd joke instead of something that made sense to them - and I realized that something was wrong. The enjoyment had drained out of eating. Going out to a dinner with family was stressful because it threw off my calculations, instead of a pleasant occasion.
I am very happy that I have a more relaxed relationship with food now - I've traded a little bit of physical healthiness for better mental health. I can go out to eat and pick something that sounds tasty if I like it better than the healthiest option. I can eat an occasional treat just for fun and not really think about it much. I consider nutrition when choosing what to eat, but I don't count calories anymore.
It helped me to generally improve my life (shifting to a less stressful environment where I had more control over my life) and learn to manage my anxiety better (including through therapy). I don't know what will work for you, but I hope you find better balance too. Talking to your doctor sounds like a really good step - it probably would have helped me improve faster if I'd been able to do that.
posted by mysh at 11:49 PM on September 23, 2014 [2 favorites]
I am 5'5" and I weigh 112. I've been told I'm "small" and too "skinny" as well. But I'm at a healthy weight for myself and look that way, and it is possible to be even thinner and at a healthy weight. I suspect you are in the US where anyone at all slender ( not at all fat, and not stocky or big boned ) is seen by many to be "too skinny". People's perceptions here are skewed ( and I know of at least one study that looked at this and confirmed it) by the fact that most people here are fat to some degree, or have a stocky frame. By comparison you get called too skinny by those people with skewed standards. I've known healthy, skinny people say they prefer being in Europe where they actually see plenty of people with bodies like theirs, rather than feeling "too skinny". People here love to accuse slim people of being "anorexic" or unhealthy when there is no indication that is the case, and they do not appear anorexic. That said, I do not think it sounds like you have a healthy relationship to food. For one, calculating protein and carbs in every meal you eat does not seem healthy (I'm sure many people would disagree with me). Not because you should be more "carefree" about your diet, but because a whole diet (or a holistic, healthy approach to food) is about a lot more than carbs and proteins and calories. Similarly, extremely restricted diets are not ideal even if they are composed of very healthy foods, because the body is vastly complex and can benefit from eating a great variety of different foods as they all supply different nutrients, "phytochemicals", etc.
And mysh makes a very good point. For most people, if you're not getting any enjoyment from your food, there's something wrong.
posted by Blitz at 11:50 PM on September 23, 2014 [12 favorites]
And mysh makes a very good point. For most people, if you're not getting any enjoyment from your food, there's something wrong.
posted by Blitz at 11:50 PM on September 23, 2014 [12 favorites]
Is this an eating disorder of some sort or just a kind of unhealthy obsession?
The way you phrase this, either option seems like it would be worth checking in with a doctor or a counselor/therapist/whatever about some of this, where you could give them more details and they could give you some more detailed and professional thoughts/help.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:07 AM on September 24, 2014
The way you phrase this, either option seems like it would be worth checking in with a doctor or a counselor/therapist/whatever about some of this, where you could give them more details and they could give you some more detailed and professional thoughts/help.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:07 AM on September 24, 2014
If you're 5'5" (about average) and wear XXL (much smaller than average), then logically that you are thinner than average. You might be too thin for your build, but we can't really tell you that.
From what you've said, it sounds like you may be over-obsessing. The extremely limited diet, feeling guilty about tiny slip ups, constant counting and not seeing that you're thin are indicators of that. It'd be good to talk to a doctor. I think that it'd also be worth talking to a nutritionist and a personal trainer (one who knows how to train women) about how to sculpt your body, because that can be hard.
The annoying thing about women's bodies, particularly when you consider how they look in magazines having been airbushed and tweaked, is that they are meant to have a large percentage of fat. Between 20-30% for average heathly women, though athletes can get down to 15%. That means that it is completely healthy for a woman to be a fifth to almost a third fat. Which is a lot, and it's got to go somewhere. The genetically blessed get the bulk on their boobs, and the rest in a thin layer over the remainder of their body, but most women have wibbly, bouncy, squishy bits in annoying places. The thing is, women are meant to wibble, at least a bit.
It sounds like you are bottom heavy, as are a significant proportion of women. You probably always will be, at least until menopause. You probably won't be able to diet off your arse. And I'm sure you know that it's really hard to gain muscle if you're on a low calorie diet.
It may also be that your friends are just projecting their issues onto you. Hard to know.
posted by kjs4 at 12:08 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
From what you've said, it sounds like you may be over-obsessing. The extremely limited diet, feeling guilty about tiny slip ups, constant counting and not seeing that you're thin are indicators of that. It'd be good to talk to a doctor. I think that it'd also be worth talking to a nutritionist and a personal trainer (one who knows how to train women) about how to sculpt your body, because that can be hard.
The annoying thing about women's bodies, particularly when you consider how they look in magazines having been airbushed and tweaked, is that they are meant to have a large percentage of fat. Between 20-30% for average heathly women, though athletes can get down to 15%. That means that it is completely healthy for a woman to be a fifth to almost a third fat. Which is a lot, and it's got to go somewhere. The genetically blessed get the bulk on their boobs, and the rest in a thin layer over the remainder of their body, but most women have wibbly, bouncy, squishy bits in annoying places. The thing is, women are meant to wibble, at least a bit.
It sounds like you are bottom heavy, as are a significant proportion of women. You probably always will be, at least until menopause. You probably won't be able to diet off your arse. And I'm sure you know that it's really hard to gain muscle if you're on a low calorie diet.
It may also be that your friends are just projecting their issues onto you. Hard to know.
posted by kjs4 at 12:08 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
I think I will strike a more concerned tone than other posters here. I am very concerned about the possibility of an eating disorder based on what you describe. It's not really a matter of your weight and height - that could be normal for you. But to be at that weight and height and saying that you are only seeing parts of you that are fat and need improvement in the mirror, and that you are obsessively counting carbs and monitoring your food intake, feeling terrible guilt over eating 'bad' things even though you clearly do not need to be on a very restricted diet - it sounds very concerning.
Please see a doctor as soon as possible about these concerns. I'm very glad you recognized them and asked this question.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:09 AM on September 24, 2014 [55 favorites]
Please see a doctor as soon as possible about these concerns. I'm very glad you recognized them and asked this question.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:09 AM on September 24, 2014 [55 favorites]
I was all set to tell you that, no, you're probably just thin and that's OK, until you mentioned that you're not trying to lose weight right now because there's no way you could lose enough.
Dude, you are really thin. And the food stuff is kind of abnormal. Most people who don't have very severe weight-related health problems don't watch their diet nearly that much. I think it's definitely worth talking to your GP about, and if you already see a therapist I'd definitely bring it up there, too. Not to say YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER or anything, but yeah, it definitely seems like you have both body image issues and some complicated emotional issues around food. Which are both red flags for disordered eating.
FWIW, when I was in my late teens I was very thin for my height. I used to obsess a lot about how fat my thighs were, what my legs looked like, whether I was getting a belly, etc. It makes me really sad that even in a size 2 I wasn't able to love my body. I feel sad that you're in the same place. Skinny or not, eating disorder or not, please try to make peace with the meatsack you're riding around in. For your own sake.
posted by Sara C. at 12:11 AM on September 24, 2014 [6 favorites]
Dude, you are really thin. And the food stuff is kind of abnormal. Most people who don't have very severe weight-related health problems don't watch their diet nearly that much. I think it's definitely worth talking to your GP about, and if you already see a therapist I'd definitely bring it up there, too. Not to say YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER or anything, but yeah, it definitely seems like you have both body image issues and some complicated emotional issues around food. Which are both red flags for disordered eating.
FWIW, when I was in my late teens I was very thin for my height. I used to obsess a lot about how fat my thighs were, what my legs looked like, whether I was getting a belly, etc. It makes me really sad that even in a size 2 I wasn't able to love my body. I feel sad that you're in the same place. Skinny or not, eating disorder or not, please try to make peace with the meatsack you're riding around in. For your own sake.
posted by Sara C. at 12:11 AM on September 24, 2014 [6 favorites]
I should also add that I don't think anecdotes from people who are a similar height and weight and are sick of people telling them they're skinny are useful here.
I ask other answerers not to gloss over the concerning emotional parts of this post and NOT to only see this as a question of whether a person who is 5'5" and weighs 115 could be healthy.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:12 AM on September 24, 2014 [31 favorites]
I ask other answerers not to gloss over the concerning emotional parts of this post and NOT to only see this as a question of whether a person who is 5'5" and weighs 115 could be healthy.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:12 AM on September 24, 2014 [31 favorites]
(Just reread your question, and realised that you don't want to lose more weight. Apologies for not reading the question properly, you can ignore most of my answer. That being said, I think life might be more fun for you if you eased up a little on the stringent food control. Chocolate is tasty.)
posted by kjs4 at 12:20 AM on September 24, 2014
posted by kjs4 at 12:20 AM on September 24, 2014
kjs4, to be clear, the OP *does* want to lose weight and *does* think that he/she is "fat".
S/he specifically stated that they were not trying to lose weight because they wouldn't lose it from the places they wanted to/thought they needed to lose it from.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:25 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
S/he specifically stated that they were not trying to lose weight because they wouldn't lose it from the places they wanted to/thought they needed to lose it from.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:25 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
I was all set to tell you that, no, you're probably just thin and that's OK, until you mentioned that you're not trying to lose weight right now because there's no way you could lose enough.
She stated this to explain that due to her body shape she could never lose enough. Hence she would just get skinnier on top.
posted by Blitz at 12:26 AM on September 24, 2014
She stated this to explain that due to her body shape she could never lose enough. Hence she would just get skinnier on top.
posted by Blitz at 12:26 AM on September 24, 2014
kjs4, to be clear, the OP *does* want to lose weight and *does* think that he/she is "fat".
Acknowledging that you have fat on your body is not the same as thinking you are fat. Perhaps the asker can clarify but let's not go putting words in their mouth.
posted by ftm at 4:21 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Acknowledging that you have fat on your body is not the same as thinking you are fat. Perhaps the asker can clarify but let's not go putting words in their mouth.
posted by ftm at 4:21 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Well, when I weighed 115, I had an eating disorder. But I'm also three or four inches taller than you.
What strikes me is the food obsessions, the guilt and the body dysmorphia. When people look at you, I can just about guarantee they don't think your thighs are fat. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was a big gut hanging out; all anyone else could see was my hip bones.
You should see a doctor and / or a counselor to get yourself away from the guilt and internal punishment factor, because no one needs that about themselves, whether their fat, thin, average or "perfect." I just went myself to a gym that offers a full body assessment (the gym is at my doctor's, not in a strip mall or big box -- go somewhere that focuses on health, not appearance). Go somewhere that will offer a caliper pinch-test and have a licensed personal trainer or some kind of medical professional give you guidance on what your ideal weight and body fat percentage should be.
Also get a good workout plan. Working out might help you feel less guilty about eating the "bad" stuff. Learn about how your body works -- muscle doesn't "hide" fat, and you can't target area with working out. The reason you can't lose any weight from your hips or thighs and it comes off your top is because (if you're a woman, as I suspect), that's just where women carry their fat. When you restrict calories too much, your body turns to its reserve fat stores near your breasts first (at least that's anecdata from my unfortunate foray into anorexia back in the day, from pre-internet proto-pro-ana lore).
One final note: I spent years obsessed with food and being thin. And by "obsessed with food" I mean I ate almost only salads for the last two years of high school, and then it got even worse -- My weekly diet was a salad one day, a dinner roll two days later, and a Slimfast bar two days after that. Then I skipped two days. Since I was ignorant about actually taking care of my body and never learned how to really interact with it or with food, the rubber band eventually snapped and now I find myself needing to lose 40 or more pounds to get out of the "health threatening" category that my recent assessment just put me in.
What sucks most is that my mind set hasn't really changed. The guilt, the self-hate, the self-sabotage for eating the "wrong" things are still there, I'm just actually also eating all the food and hating myself even harder for it. You've got to sort out your relationship with food first and separate it from how it makes you feel about your body. So, doctor -- health assessment -- counselor.
Good for you for catching on to this and identifying some discomfort with your patterns. Good luck.
posted by mibo at 4:34 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
What strikes me is the food obsessions, the guilt and the body dysmorphia. When people look at you, I can just about guarantee they don't think your thighs are fat. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was a big gut hanging out; all anyone else could see was my hip bones.
You should see a doctor and / or a counselor to get yourself away from the guilt and internal punishment factor, because no one needs that about themselves, whether their fat, thin, average or "perfect." I just went myself to a gym that offers a full body assessment (the gym is at my doctor's, not in a strip mall or big box -- go somewhere that focuses on health, not appearance). Go somewhere that will offer a caliper pinch-test and have a licensed personal trainer or some kind of medical professional give you guidance on what your ideal weight and body fat percentage should be.
Also get a good workout plan. Working out might help you feel less guilty about eating the "bad" stuff. Learn about how your body works -- muscle doesn't "hide" fat, and you can't target area with working out. The reason you can't lose any weight from your hips or thighs and it comes off your top is because (if you're a woman, as I suspect), that's just where women carry their fat. When you restrict calories too much, your body turns to its reserve fat stores near your breasts first (at least that's anecdata from my unfortunate foray into anorexia back in the day, from pre-internet proto-pro-ana lore).
One final note: I spent years obsessed with food and being thin. And by "obsessed with food" I mean I ate almost only salads for the last two years of high school, and then it got even worse -- My weekly diet was a salad one day, a dinner roll two days later, and a Slimfast bar two days after that. Then I skipped two days. Since I was ignorant about actually taking care of my body and never learned how to really interact with it or with food, the rubber band eventually snapped and now I find myself needing to lose 40 or more pounds to get out of the "health threatening" category that my recent assessment just put me in.
What sucks most is that my mind set hasn't really changed. The guilt, the self-hate, the self-sabotage for eating the "wrong" things are still there, I'm just actually also eating all the food and hating myself even harder for it. You've got to sort out your relationship with food first and separate it from how it makes you feel about your body. So, doctor -- health assessment -- counselor.
Good for you for catching on to this and identifying some discomfort with your patterns. Good luck.
posted by mibo at 4:34 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
None of us can diagnose whether you have an eating disorder or whether your weight is unhealthy, so I'm not trying to do that here.
However, just the way you describe your attitudes surrounding food/eating are kind of concerning. Mostly the need to maintain control through food, the fact that you feel lots of guilt if you eat something you define as "bad" and the super restricted nature of your diet. If you don't have an eating disorder now, I could see how this behavior might easily turn into one later down the line.
As for your weight, it seems low for your height going by the rule of thumb I've always been taught by my doctors. But obviously that's really really generalizing and only someone who is actually examining you can say whether or not it's healthy. (For instance I'm 5'3" and 115 pounds was normal-but-kind-of-skinny even for me).
posted by Kimmalah at 4:39 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
However, just the way you describe your attitudes surrounding food/eating are kind of concerning. Mostly the need to maintain control through food, the fact that you feel lots of guilt if you eat something you define as "bad" and the super restricted nature of your diet. If you don't have an eating disorder now, I could see how this behavior might easily turn into one later down the line.
As for your weight, it seems low for your height going by the rule of thumb I've always been taught by my doctors. But obviously that's really really generalizing and only someone who is actually examining you can say whether or not it's healthy. (For instance I'm 5'3" and 115 pounds was normal-but-kind-of-skinny even for me).
posted by Kimmalah at 4:39 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think I weigh about 115 pounds or so and I'm about 5'5.
My suspicion is that you weigh less than this and are unable to estimate your weight accurately due to body dysmorphia. But regardless of your weight, your post indicates many, many symptoms of disordered eating.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:40 AM on September 24, 2014 [8 favorites]
My suspicion is that you weigh less than this and are unable to estimate your weight accurately due to body dysmorphia. But regardless of your weight, your post indicates many, many symptoms of disordered eating.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:40 AM on September 24, 2014 [8 favorites]
I was 5'3 and just over a hundred pounds for awhile, in my late 30's, after having 3 babies. It wasn't on purpose, just the way my body was made. I was bullied by strangers and co-workers for my size. It caused me to doubt myself and I began over-eating on purpose, to try and gain the weight. I then started an asthma medication that actually caused me to gain weight. 35 pounds later and my mom makes mean comments about my butt getting too big. You can't win this one. If someone comments on your weight, they are being very rude and they should shut up and never say anything again.
Eat healthy and love your life.
posted by myselfasme at 4:45 AM on September 24, 2014 [4 favorites]
Eat healthy and love your life.
posted by myselfasme at 4:45 AM on September 24, 2014 [4 favorites]
I'm 5' even and weigh.... well, let's just say I weigh considerably more than you. Assuming you're healthy and your doctor doesn't think your weight is a problem, you need to tell them what us fat types have been telling people: Get off my back, my weight is none of your business. You can find a more polite version, of course, but the message is the same: tell the nosey busybodies to buzz off.
posted by easily confused at 5:08 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by easily confused at 5:08 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Things that occur to me :
First, why not visit the doctor for a complete blood panel, etc? Ask about any impact that your current thinness might have on your health. It should be possible to establish, roughly, whether your current weight is "too thin" for you in the sense that it makes you physically less healthy.
Second, the issue with an eating disorder is much less about whether you are really "too thin" or "too fat". (I had starving-myself issues for years and no one noticed because I was fat and losing weight....but I was still all kinds of fucked up about food, cried when I couldn't get out of holiday meals, faked that I had eaten when I had not and lied about it every single day for a couple of years, etc) The issue with an eating disorder is that the eating is disordered enough to cause you distress in your daily life, whether through physical problems or mental/emotional ones or logistical ones (like needing to arrange all your "meal times" so that you can lie believably that you actually ate! I remember that one!).
You sound like you're distressed about your body and size to the point where it's interfering with your regular life. This says "get evaluated" to me. Maybe this isn't an eating disorder; maybe it's an anxiety disorder or something else.
posted by Frowner at 5:13 AM on September 24, 2014 [8 favorites]
First, why not visit the doctor for a complete blood panel, etc? Ask about any impact that your current thinness might have on your health. It should be possible to establish, roughly, whether your current weight is "too thin" for you in the sense that it makes you physically less healthy.
Second, the issue with an eating disorder is much less about whether you are really "too thin" or "too fat". (I had starving-myself issues for years and no one noticed because I was fat and losing weight....but I was still all kinds of fucked up about food, cried when I couldn't get out of holiday meals, faked that I had eaten when I had not and lied about it every single day for a couple of years, etc) The issue with an eating disorder is that the eating is disordered enough to cause you distress in your daily life, whether through physical problems or mental/emotional ones or logistical ones (like needing to arrange all your "meal times" so that you can lie believably that you actually ate! I remember that one!).
You sound like you're distressed about your body and size to the point where it's interfering with your regular life. This says "get evaluated" to me. Maybe this isn't an eating disorder; maybe it's an anxiety disorder or something else.
posted by Frowner at 5:13 AM on September 24, 2014 [8 favorites]
115 is well within the healthy weight range for 5'5".
Most Americans are overweight or obese and thus many of them will try to tell healthy weight people that they are "too thin" to try to make *you* the one with the weight problem instead of them. For example, my overweight and obese family members complained about me being "too thin" almost my whole adult life and the first time they ever said I "looked good" was after I'd gained so much weight that my BMI was on the line between overweight and obese!
So ignore them. They are just trying to thin-shame you.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:40 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
Most Americans are overweight or obese and thus many of them will try to tell healthy weight people that they are "too thin" to try to make *you* the one with the weight problem instead of them. For example, my overweight and obese family members complained about me being "too thin" almost my whole adult life and the first time they ever said I "looked good" was after I'd gained so much weight that my BMI was on the line between overweight and obese!
So ignore them. They are just trying to thin-shame you.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:40 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
I had an eating disorder when I weighed 115 pounds, and I'm 2 inches shorter than you. I also had an eating disorder when I weighed 75 pounds and when I weighed 130 pounds. My best friend in high school was 5'9" and barely 100 pounds and did not have an eating disorder. Eating disorders aren't defined by how much you weigh. They're psychological disorders, not physical disorders. It's possible to be very thin and healthy (or have a health problem that's not an eating disorder.) What's concerning about your question is the way you discuss your relationship with food and your body, not necessarily your weight.
But yeah, I worry about things like feeling really guilty if you eat "bad" foods, eating the same things over and over again, and using food to get a sense of control over your life. I'm not saying that you have an eating disorder, but those potentially are disordered behaviors and thoughts. I don't think it's a bad idea to talk with a therapist about your feelings about food and your body, because I think you'd be happier if you changed your relationship to those things.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:42 AM on September 24, 2014 [20 favorites]
But yeah, I worry about things like feeling really guilty if you eat "bad" foods, eating the same things over and over again, and using food to get a sense of control over your life. I'm not saying that you have an eating disorder, but those potentially are disordered behaviors and thoughts. I don't think it's a bad idea to talk with a therapist about your feelings about food and your body, because I think you'd be happier if you changed your relationship to those things.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:42 AM on September 24, 2014 [20 favorites]
I think you asked this question because you're worried about your relationship to your body, and how you are using food as a mechanism of control. You sound worried that it has gotten a bit out of hand. It sounds like there is a tiny voice inside of you saying:
This isn't healthy for me. I'm doing something for the wrong reason.
Listen to that voice inside yourself. Honor your own wisdom and talk to your doctor or make an appointment with a counselor or therapist who specializes in body image concerns. Ask around to your friends, if you feel comfortable, or google with relevant keywords to see if someone pops up in your insurance network. If you want to send me a message through Metafilter, I'd be happy to help send you a short list of possibilities. Or you can update this post with your insurance and city.
You can 100% be at a healthy weight and have a difficult relationship to food, control and your body. There are so many warning signs in your post that make me want to give you a big hug and help you take that next step.
As women, we are trained to disregard our own instincts on so many levels. But if there is indeed a voice telling you to think about another way of relating to food and your body, I urge you to spend some time listening and trying to help yourself set another path.
posted by barnone at 5:57 AM on September 24, 2014 [7 favorites]
This isn't healthy for me. I'm doing something for the wrong reason.
Listen to that voice inside yourself. Honor your own wisdom and talk to your doctor or make an appointment with a counselor or therapist who specializes in body image concerns. Ask around to your friends, if you feel comfortable, or google with relevant keywords to see if someone pops up in your insurance network. If you want to send me a message through Metafilter, I'd be happy to help send you a short list of possibilities. Or you can update this post with your insurance and city.
You can 100% be at a healthy weight and have a difficult relationship to food, control and your body. There are so many warning signs in your post that make me want to give you a big hug and help you take that next step.
As women, we are trained to disregard our own instincts on so many levels. But if there is indeed a voice telling you to think about another way of relating to food and your body, I urge you to spend some time listening and trying to help yourself set another path.
posted by barnone at 5:57 AM on September 24, 2014 [7 favorites]
There's a kind of sensationalist show from the UK called Supersize vs Superskinny. It's a silly reality show, but it also does a reasonably decent job of picking apart problem eating on both the overeat and undereat sides of the spectrum. Someone has uploaded a pile of episodes on youtube (just go search) and it might actually be useful to you as a barometer to see if you're displaying any of the same disordered habits of the skinny folks. (It's split about half and half between skinny folks who eat a crap diet and folks like you who eat a great diet, just not enough of it.)
Your height and weight isn't at a dangerous level, but if you're concerned that you might be too controlling about what you eat, and/or if you're undereating, you could easily lose weight and get your body to a scary place. It's good that you're noticing this as a possible pattern.
I'd say watch a few eps of that show and see if you can relate. Go to your GP and ask them to recommend you a dietician to help you evaluate your diet and make sure you're getting all of what you actually need to get and enough of it to maintain a healthy weight.
Good luck!
posted by phunniemee at 5:59 AM on September 24, 2014
Your height and weight isn't at a dangerous level, but if you're concerned that you might be too controlling about what you eat, and/or if you're undereating, you could easily lose weight and get your body to a scary place. It's good that you're noticing this as a possible pattern.
I'd say watch a few eps of that show and see if you can relate. Go to your GP and ask them to recommend you a dietician to help you evaluate your diet and make sure you're getting all of what you actually need to get and enough of it to maintain a healthy weight.
Good luck!
posted by phunniemee at 5:59 AM on September 24, 2014
FWIW, for me, as a person who has had an eating disorder, TV shows about people with eating disorders are extraordinarily triggering. I would be really careful about consuming eating-disorders-related media, because a lot of people with eating disorders report that watching or reading that stuff makes them more obsessive.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:04 AM on September 24, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:04 AM on September 24, 2014 [5 favorites]
I think that you should talk to a doctor about this, and that there is a pretty significant chance that you have an eating disorder. Since it sounds like you obsess over keeping your diet healthy (in addition to weight loss/maintenance), you might want to look into orthorexia.
You can be at a medically healthy weight, and still have very disordered thinking about food that causes you distress and *is* an eating disorder. (I suspect that you're in this boat). One of the pernicious things about eating disorders is that they *don't* map directly onto body size, not least because body dysmorphia is often part of the disease. They're more about how you feel about your body and eating, rather than what your body actually looks like to others.
We can't diagnose you here (or, in my not-a-doctor case, I can't diagnose anyone anywhere!). But if you're asking whether your relationship to eating is disordered and you should look into getting help, then I definitely think that the answer is yes. In terms of where you can go from here, your GP is a good start (if you're in the US, you should have a free yearly physical, so take advantage of that).
By the way, in terms of other people showing concern: I'm a healthy weight and actually don't have very disordered eating habits, but when I started losing my appetite (even though I *wasn't* losing weight), people who cared about me did express concern. And their concern was warranted, I was losing my appetite because of medical issues. If people are expressing concern, and they're people you trust and love, then they may be trying to say they're worried about you, rather than trying to make value judgments about your body. That's not for sure, some people *are* jerks who explicitly talk about how they judge other people's bodies. But on the other hand, if people who love you are noticing that your relationship to food is disordered and/or that you have a lot of distress around eating, that's a signal that you need to go to the doctor ASAP.
posted by rue72 at 6:11 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
You can be at a medically healthy weight, and still have very disordered thinking about food that causes you distress and *is* an eating disorder. (I suspect that you're in this boat). One of the pernicious things about eating disorders is that they *don't* map directly onto body size, not least because body dysmorphia is often part of the disease. They're more about how you feel about your body and eating, rather than what your body actually looks like to others.
We can't diagnose you here (or, in my not-a-doctor case, I can't diagnose anyone anywhere!). But if you're asking whether your relationship to eating is disordered and you should look into getting help, then I definitely think that the answer is yes. In terms of where you can go from here, your GP is a good start (if you're in the US, you should have a free yearly physical, so take advantage of that).
By the way, in terms of other people showing concern: I'm a healthy weight and actually don't have very disordered eating habits, but when I started losing my appetite (even though I *wasn't* losing weight), people who cared about me did express concern. And their concern was warranted, I was losing my appetite because of medical issues. If people are expressing concern, and they're people you trust and love, then they may be trying to say they're worried about you, rather than trying to make value judgments about your body. That's not for sure, some people *are* jerks who explicitly talk about how they judge other people's bodies. But on the other hand, if people who love you are noticing that your relationship to food is disordered and/or that you have a lot of distress around eating, that's a signal that you need to go to the doctor ASAP.
posted by rue72 at 6:11 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
Does your doctor think you're too thin? And do you know exactly how much you weigh, or are you just guessing?
It sounds like you are recognizing that you have unhealthy thoughts about your body and about your diet (using a restricted diet as a means of feeling in control and thinking you're fat in some areas when you're surely not are red flags to me). As a result, if you don't have a serious problem, now you can work on things before they get out of hand. And if you do have a problem, this is the first step to turning it around.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:12 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you are recognizing that you have unhealthy thoughts about your body and about your diet (using a restricted diet as a means of feeling in control and thinking you're fat in some areas when you're surely not are red flags to me). As a result, if you don't have a serious problem, now you can work on things before they get out of hand. And if you do have a problem, this is the first step to turning it around.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:12 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Just a point about perception and body image.
I would never lose enough where I want to lose it (butt, thighs). Instead, I'd just get skinnier up top.
This is very likely, because your butt and your thighs are the biggest and most powerful muscles in your body. You would have to have lost all your body fat before you started losing bulk from those areas. And then you would be losing muscle - which I think happens during malnutrition? And then you would tend to just collapse in a heap.
In life drawing (drawing from a naked model) you have to train your brain to allow itself to perceive what the eye is actually seeing. It's normal for us to continually mentally edit what our eyes see, to form our personal impressions of the world about us. But we can't reproduce what we have seen in the form of art unless we can switch off that editing and allow ourselves to perceive what's in front of us. Consequently there are certain constant misperceptions and thus misrepresentations made by rookie life-drawers. One of these is the proportional size of a person's thighs and bottom. Amateurs consistently draw these much too small. (and snarkers on the internet consistently sneer at the proportions of beautiful nude women!) That's because people in general just do not realise how big these muscles have to be to power the whole movement and bodily stability of a fit person.
So if you are surveying your body looking for faults, it's very likely that your butt and thighs look too big to you. You're almost certainly mistaken though, about what an appropriate size for those areas is.
Not that I meant to say fat never goes to people's thighs! But at your height and weight it's unlikely.
posted by glasseyes at 6:15 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would never lose enough where I want to lose it (butt, thighs). Instead, I'd just get skinnier up top.
This is very likely, because your butt and your thighs are the biggest and most powerful muscles in your body. You would have to have lost all your body fat before you started losing bulk from those areas. And then you would be losing muscle - which I think happens during malnutrition? And then you would tend to just collapse in a heap.
In life drawing (drawing from a naked model) you have to train your brain to allow itself to perceive what the eye is actually seeing. It's normal for us to continually mentally edit what our eyes see, to form our personal impressions of the world about us. But we can't reproduce what we have seen in the form of art unless we can switch off that editing and allow ourselves to perceive what's in front of us. Consequently there are certain constant misperceptions and thus misrepresentations made by rookie life-drawers. One of these is the proportional size of a person's thighs and bottom. Amateurs consistently draw these much too small. (and snarkers on the internet consistently sneer at the proportions of beautiful nude women!) That's because people in general just do not realise how big these muscles have to be to power the whole movement and bodily stability of a fit person.
So if you are surveying your body looking for faults, it's very likely that your butt and thighs look too big to you. You're almost certainly mistaken though, about what an appropriate size for those areas is.
Not that I meant to say fat never goes to people's thighs! But at your height and weight it's unlikely.
posted by glasseyes at 6:15 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
115 is well within the healthy weight range for 5'5".
Well, no it isn't. It's at the very bottom of a 30lb span. Please also note that the OP is saying she thinks she weighs "about 115 pounds." She may weigh more, but she may weigh less. She states this is a post that is full of troubling phrases that at the very least indicate she has disordered thinking around food.
I am fully on board with the backlash against policing women's bodies and shaming us for being too fat, too thin, too curvy, too flat etc but even coming from that point of view, the actual words in the OP's post are pretty tortured around food, and troubling.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:15 AM on September 24, 2014 [13 favorites]
Well, no it isn't. It's at the very bottom of a 30lb span. Please also note that the OP is saying she thinks she weighs "about 115 pounds." She may weigh more, but she may weigh less. She states this is a post that is full of troubling phrases that at the very least indicate she has disordered thinking around food.
I am fully on board with the backlash against policing women's bodies and shaming us for being too fat, too thin, too curvy, too flat etc but even coming from that point of view, the actual words in the OP's post are pretty tortured around food, and troubling.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:15 AM on September 24, 2014 [13 favorites]
It does sound like you have disordered behaviors/thoughts around food. Your actual height and weight are a red herring here as far as eating disorders go.
posted by mskyle at 6:18 AM on September 24, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by mskyle at 6:18 AM on September 24, 2014 [4 favorites]
In my experience, when people tell someone else that they're 'too thin,' sometimes but not always that's their hamfisted way of expressing concern that someone is showing signs of disordered eating. I have done this to a roommate who showed signs of an eating disorder (I would go about it differently now, but whatever), but I have never said anything like that to a very thin friend based just on their weight. The only time in my life that I started to slip into disordered eating, my mom expressed concern, framing it in concern about my losing weight--I had been thinner than that before, but my weight with the presence of some other weird stuff about food on my part pinged her alarm bells.
I'm not saying that you should assume you have problems based on what other people say, I think it's up to you to sort out genuine and valid concerns from noise. But I don't think you should dismiss all of it as jealousy, either.
posted by geegollygosh at 6:21 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
I'm not saying that you should assume you have problems based on what other people say, I think it's up to you to sort out genuine and valid concerns from noise. But I don't think you should dismiss all of it as jealousy, either.
posted by geegollygosh at 6:21 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Take a look at this Visual Chart of Height and Weight (using pictures of real people!)
In my view (American bias) 5' 5" and 110 - 120 pounds is remarkably slim, but not unhealthy.
posted by Ardea alba at 6:34 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
In my view (American bias) 5' 5" and 110 - 120 pounds is remarkably slim, but not unhealthy.
posted by Ardea alba at 6:34 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
You are in no way too thin for your height and people who tell you so are being extremely rude and unhelpful. The main concern here is your relationship with food and your attitude towards eating, both of which seem unhealthy.
posted by poffin boffin at 6:38 AM on September 24, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 6:38 AM on September 24, 2014 [5 favorites]
Hi OP, I'm 5'6" (168 cm) and this morning I weighed 101 pounds (46kg - just thought I'd add the metric values since I have a feeling you might be from outside the US). I do not feel that I am too thin, nor has anyone ever commented to me about my weight. I also keep a fairly strict diet - like you, I usually eat lots of veg, some protein, but skip carbs like bread and pasta simply because in larger quantities they cause me digestive problems. However, about once or twice a week I'll eat a small pizza, or enjoy some homemade pasta. I feel good. I think I look good. I have energy. I am careful but not obsessive about my diet. If I'm out at a restaurant and I want to order dessert, I do it, and I don't feel guilty.
The thing is, it's less about how much you actually weigh than it is about how you feel about it. It's not wrong to watch your diet, or even to keep a strict diet, but it's not so great to feel guilty or obsessive.
Don't worry about what it says on charts, or about what others think or say about your weight or eating habits, and listen to your own inner voice. It's definitely worth it to see a doctor or therapist if your relationship with food or your body is making you unhappy. And feel free to MeMail me if you want to talk about it.
posted by ladybird at 6:43 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
The thing is, it's less about how much you actually weigh than it is about how you feel about it. It's not wrong to watch your diet, or even to keep a strict diet, but it's not so great to feel guilty or obsessive.
Don't worry about what it says on charts, or about what others think or say about your weight or eating habits, and listen to your own inner voice. It's definitely worth it to see a doctor or therapist if your relationship with food or your body is making you unhappy. And feel free to MeMail me if you want to talk about it.
posted by ladybird at 6:43 AM on September 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
There is nothing unhealthy about being 5'5" and weighing 115 pounds.
Enjoying a feeling of control over your diet is worrisome. Please talk to your doctor about this. Your attitude seems obsessive. Maybe you have an eating disorder. Maybe you have OCD. Maybe you are just working through some anxiety right now. The internet can't figure this out for you. A professional can help you sort out why counting carbs makes you feel safe.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:47 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
Enjoying a feeling of control over your diet is worrisome. Please talk to your doctor about this. Your attitude seems obsessive. Maybe you have an eating disorder. Maybe you have OCD. Maybe you are just working through some anxiety right now. The internet can't figure this out for you. A professional can help you sort out why counting carbs makes you feel safe.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:47 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
I am 5'6 and have been at 105-110 lbs all my life (I am currently 44). No special diet, other than I never eat processed or drink sodas. I've gotten accused of an eating disorder by every stupid website I've ever plugged my weight into, and occasionally in person by a rude stranger. However, I've never been told that it's a problem by a doctor, including when I was planning on getting pregnant and specifically asked if my weight would be an issue.
It doesn't hurt to talk to a professional but if you've always been this way, I say you are fine. I mean, I eat nearly as much as my husband who is 6'1 and I go from exercising moderately to not at all for months and my weight stays the same. I feel great, my blood work is good, my energy levels are high, so I'd be stupid to get all hypochondriac over an internet chart or an occasional comment.
One thing I'd like to comment on specifically though. I am too old to obsess about my looks now (yay middle age!) but I am familiar with that feeling you get when you are super thin and yet you look at yourself in the mirror and think some parts of you are fat. I was always confused about this until I realized that the "fat" parts are actually the skinny parts that look lumpy because they are not covered by fat. (Have you ever heard the expression "six packs are made in the kitchen, not the gym"? It's the same idea). Whenever I gain a couple pounds, whether from staying with my mom who feeds me like a foie gras-destined goose or from water retention, those lumps get smoothed out and everything looks better. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but for us super skinny people, the way to look slimmer is to gain a few.
posted by rada at 6:47 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
It doesn't hurt to talk to a professional but if you've always been this way, I say you are fine. I mean, I eat nearly as much as my husband who is 6'1 and I go from exercising moderately to not at all for months and my weight stays the same. I feel great, my blood work is good, my energy levels are high, so I'd be stupid to get all hypochondriac over an internet chart or an occasional comment.
One thing I'd like to comment on specifically though. I am too old to obsess about my looks now (yay middle age!) but I am familiar with that feeling you get when you are super thin and yet you look at yourself in the mirror and think some parts of you are fat. I was always confused about this until I realized that the "fat" parts are actually the skinny parts that look lumpy because they are not covered by fat. (Have you ever heard the expression "six packs are made in the kitchen, not the gym"? It's the same idea). Whenever I gain a couple pounds, whether from staying with my mom who feeds me like a foie gras-destined goose or from water retention, those lumps get smoothed out and everything looks better. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but for us super skinny people, the way to look slimmer is to gain a few.
posted by rada at 6:47 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm not going to tell you how tall I am or how much I weigh. I'm instead going to tell you that I have struggled with an eating disorder (anorexia) and that your post sounded exactly like a question I would have written before my diagnosis.
Talk to your doctor. Maybe see about getting a therapist. My therapist was very helpful for me. Yoga and mindfulness too have been helpful as I recover. Learning to love myself has been a long battle and my physicality and what I eat is only one part of that picture. But it is a really important part of the picture.
Talk to your doctor. If you don't have a primary care doctor, there's no time like the present.
Take care.
posted by sockermom at 6:56 AM on September 24, 2014 [4 favorites]
Talk to your doctor. Maybe see about getting a therapist. My therapist was very helpful for me. Yoga and mindfulness too have been helpful as I recover. Learning to love myself has been a long battle and my physicality and what I eat is only one part of that picture. But it is a really important part of the picture.
Talk to your doctor. If you don't have a primary care doctor, there's no time like the present.
Take care.
posted by sockermom at 6:56 AM on September 24, 2014 [4 favorites]
Keep an honest good journal for two weeks, I mean brutally honest. Not I had a salad but how much salad what was it made up of any dressing kind of thing. Then take it to see your doctor and tell them all that you said here, explaining that you were concerned so started the diary. Either you will have professional reassurances your are fine or be in the right place to get advice on how to improve your diet of its needed or will pick up the warning signs of an eating disorder of they are present.
posted by wwax at 6:59 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by wwax at 6:59 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would be wary of documenting your meals if you are already obsessive.
Nothing in you question indicates there is anything wrong with what you eat - your attitude towards food and safety and control are what seem off to me.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 7:07 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
Nothing in you question indicates there is anything wrong with what you eat - your attitude towards food and safety and control are what seem off to me.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 7:07 AM on September 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
Another thing to consider is the weight where your body is happiest and healthiest. I'm 5'4" and fluctuate between 125 and 130 pounds, but I power lift and Oly lift 5 days a week and adjust my cardio accordingly and have a super-strong metabolism. If I drop below 125 I feel weak and drained; if I go above 135 I feel sluggish and paunchy.
In addition, I have diagnosed OCD and anxiety disorders, so when I found my symptoms manifesting themselves in my dietary habits (that went waaaaay beyond eating "healthier") and my life seemed a little too jumbled, I changed gyms and started working through things with my therapist. It was definitely a control issue and a body image issue left over from when I was heavier as a result of hormonal birth control. Now, I attempt to have a healthier relationship with my diet and exercise; I eat well and workout because I like the way it makes me feel (endorphins!) and for health (great bloodwork!). It also helps to have a partner who finds both my muscles and my lumpy parts (because everyone has them!) alluring.
Also remember, it's *possible*, but difficult, to be 5'6" and muscley while being 115; you'd mentioned working on gaining muscle. I think that's a great idea! You can be toned and fit and be a little heavier but LOOK like you're 115 (case in point - NO ONE thinks I am close to 125) AND you're setting yourself up for a healthy life without compromise!
TL;DR - talk it over with your doc and maybe a counselor. Then you can make decisions on what's best for your HEALTH. Good luck!
posted by sara is disenchanted at 7:37 AM on September 24, 2014
In addition, I have diagnosed OCD and anxiety disorders, so when I found my symptoms manifesting themselves in my dietary habits (that went waaaaay beyond eating "healthier") and my life seemed a little too jumbled, I changed gyms and started working through things with my therapist. It was definitely a control issue and a body image issue left over from when I was heavier as a result of hormonal birth control. Now, I attempt to have a healthier relationship with my diet and exercise; I eat well and workout because I like the way it makes me feel (endorphins!) and for health (great bloodwork!). It also helps to have a partner who finds both my muscles and my lumpy parts (because everyone has them!) alluring.
Also remember, it's *possible*, but difficult, to be 5'6" and muscley while being 115; you'd mentioned working on gaining muscle. I think that's a great idea! You can be toned and fit and be a little heavier but LOOK like you're 115 (case in point - NO ONE thinks I am close to 125) AND you're setting yourself up for a healthy life without compromise!
TL;DR - talk it over with your doc and maybe a counselor. Then you can make decisions on what's best for your HEALTH. Good luck!
posted by sara is disenchanted at 7:37 AM on September 24, 2014
Ladybird has it. An eating disorder is a state of mind, not a number on a scale. When my parents first took me to the doctor because they were worried about my weight, I was 110 lbs. at 5'3". The nutritionist told me (and my parents, to their great despair) that I could safely lose 15 more lbs. and that I was eating healthily enough. Both of which were true. I still had an eating disorder, however. Obsession with numbers, excessive guilt, obsessive weighing, addiction to control, and a certainty that at 110 lbs. I was fat. Not just a bit chubby here and there. Fat. I kept going until I weighed 82 lbs. and was being threatened with a feeding tube.
Being too thin can be just as unhealthy as being too fat. I believe it's still true that anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, mostly due to heart muscle shrinkage and kidney failure. When I was actively underweight I didn't notice any problems, because there's a euphoria attached to this feeling of control over hunger that's difficult to communicate to someone who has not experienced it. Hunger pangs and fainting spells felt like victories over my body. Going without taking a proper dump for 3 weeks was physically agonizing, but I didn't care because I could fit into my 11 year-old brother's jeans at 14. In the end, I bought myself kidney damage and osteoporosis.
So the real question is not, "Is 115 lbs. too thin?" It's "Do I have a healthy relationship with food and my body?" No one here can answer that question for you. You should see a therapist about your concerns and ask your GP to do a blood workup to see if your diet is providing adequate nutrients. Even fat people can be malnourished.
posted by xyzzy at 7:41 AM on September 24, 2014 [6 favorites]
Being too thin can be just as unhealthy as being too fat. I believe it's still true that anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, mostly due to heart muscle shrinkage and kidney failure. When I was actively underweight I didn't notice any problems, because there's a euphoria attached to this feeling of control over hunger that's difficult to communicate to someone who has not experienced it. Hunger pangs and fainting spells felt like victories over my body. Going without taking a proper dump for 3 weeks was physically agonizing, but I didn't care because I could fit into my 11 year-old brother's jeans at 14. In the end, I bought myself kidney damage and osteoporosis.
So the real question is not, "Is 115 lbs. too thin?" It's "Do I have a healthy relationship with food and my body?" No one here can answer that question for you. You should see a therapist about your concerns and ask your GP to do a blood workup to see if your diet is providing adequate nutrients. Even fat people can be malnourished.
posted by xyzzy at 7:41 AM on September 24, 2014 [6 favorites]
No, you're not too thin. jbenben was right, this is the opposite of fat-shaming. It's okay to be skinny.
I'd suggest you try a few new foods, though. And I'd make sure you include enough of all the food groups, including carbs. It sounds like your current diet feels like a tight fit even to you, so maybe be cautiously more adventurous.
posted by tel3path at 8:08 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'd suggest you try a few new foods, though. And I'd make sure you include enough of all the food groups, including carbs. It sounds like your current diet feels like a tight fit even to you, so maybe be cautiously more adventurous.
posted by tel3path at 8:08 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Is this the result of a recent weight loss, or have you hovered around 115 most of your life? If you were overweight and lost: there are a few odd things that go along with weight loss, which can predict the development of eating disorders. It's far from unusual for people to slip into orthorexia (because calorie or carb/protein counting, careful monitoring of food type and amount etc. are exactly what one has to do). Also, body image can take a hit, because the goal that's been sustaining all that restriction and work -- maybe an ideal image of a target body -- is rarely achieved, there's bound to be some dissatisfaction at the end.
Also, if you're a pear shape, it's extremely hard to approximate the cultural hourglass ideal. I think many pears who've lost wind up fixating on those thighs and bum. (Lifting weights to firm things up helps some people, but not always, because it can wind up being a painful game of 'how much body fat can you drop while gaining as much muscle as possible' -- not an easy feat for a woman. And this thinking lends itself to viewing the body in parts, to splitting 'horrible' adipose tissue from the real or ideal self and investing it with disgust and other negative attributions.) Like all that is common, but that doesn't mean it's psychologically healthy.
I agree with those advising talking to a doctor, because 5'5 and 115 is borderline (according to BMI, yes it's suspect, but still). I'd also work hard on accepting your natural body shape. Stop consuming fitspo and celebrity images. (Or maybe, only look at beautiful pear shaped women to try to alter your ideal so it moves closer to what you're like.) Maybe try not even looking at yourself for a while.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:21 AM on September 24, 2014
Also, if you're a pear shape, it's extremely hard to approximate the cultural hourglass ideal. I think many pears who've lost wind up fixating on those thighs and bum. (Lifting weights to firm things up helps some people, but not always, because it can wind up being a painful game of 'how much body fat can you drop while gaining as much muscle as possible' -- not an easy feat for a woman. And this thinking lends itself to viewing the body in parts, to splitting 'horrible' adipose tissue from the real or ideal self and investing it with disgust and other negative attributions.) Like all that is common, but that doesn't mean it's psychologically healthy.
I agree with those advising talking to a doctor, because 5'5 and 115 is borderline (according to BMI, yes it's suspect, but still). I'd also work hard on accepting your natural body shape. Stop consuming fitspo and celebrity images. (Or maybe, only look at beautiful pear shaped women to try to alter your ideal so it moves closer to what you're like.) Maybe try not even looking at yourself for a while.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:21 AM on September 24, 2014
It's really hard for me to eat bad stuff. When I'm out, I always just order the healthiest option and calculate the amount of protein vs. carbs.
Of course nobody can tell if you have an eating disorder over the internet, but I can tell you at the very least this is not sensible or accurate thinking about food.
Unless you're out pretty much every day, your meal choices at the restaurant basically don't matter. Even if you go out to dinner eight or nine times a month that would still account for less than 10% of your meal choices. Counting calories at Carabbas doesn't make any sense if your diet is on chicken-and-broccoli lockdown the rest of the time. You'd have to eat like Michael Phelps every time you went out in order for it to make any appreciable difference.
So, 115 @ 5'5" is not "too thin" but that hardly even matters, it's your relationship to food that is worrying. If you can't dig in to a burger/pizza/cake every now and then guilt-free, then you probably have some issues that need addressing.
posted by mrbigmuscles at 9:10 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Of course nobody can tell if you have an eating disorder over the internet, but I can tell you at the very least this is not sensible or accurate thinking about food.
Unless you're out pretty much every day, your meal choices at the restaurant basically don't matter. Even if you go out to dinner eight or nine times a month that would still account for less than 10% of your meal choices. Counting calories at Carabbas doesn't make any sense if your diet is on chicken-and-broccoli lockdown the rest of the time. You'd have to eat like Michael Phelps every time you went out in order for it to make any appreciable difference.
So, 115 @ 5'5" is not "too thin" but that hardly even matters, it's your relationship to food that is worrying. If you can't dig in to a burger/pizza/cake every now and then guilt-free, then you probably have some issues that need addressing.
posted by mrbigmuscles at 9:10 AM on September 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Acknowledging that you have fat on your body is not the same as thinking you are fat. Perhaps the asker can clarify but let's not go putting words in their mouth.
I should have quoted directly from the post to make sure folks didn't miss it. S/he calls herself fat in their final sentence: "I no longer see my body as it actually is and that what I see as "fat" or average is in fact too thin." Even if s/he were just 'acknowledging that they had fat on their body', is it appropriate to feel like you need to lose any fat that you see on your body?
I'm baffled as to the reason people felt the need to insist that this question reflected normal feelings about weight and diet - I feel like a lot of answers here glossed over the nuances of this question, and I really hope that you, OP, can still take away the important message here that you need to talk to a professional. It's very important that you tell them the things you told us about your diet and controlling it, and seeing yourself as fat, because as you can see, if you just ask whether your weight is within the normal range for your height or if the numbers themselves are healthy, there are many who will miss the point. Please see a doctor before you do anything like taking up a new workout plan - excessively working out can be another way people try to exert control over their bodies when they have disordered eating. You shouldn't have to work out to feel good about eating.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:19 AM on September 24, 2014 [13 favorites]
I should have quoted directly from the post to make sure folks didn't miss it. S/he calls herself fat in their final sentence: "I no longer see my body as it actually is and that what I see as "fat" or average is in fact too thin." Even if s/he were just 'acknowledging that they had fat on their body', is it appropriate to feel like you need to lose any fat that you see on your body?
I'm baffled as to the reason people felt the need to insist that this question reflected normal feelings about weight and diet - I feel like a lot of answers here glossed over the nuances of this question, and I really hope that you, OP, can still take away the important message here that you need to talk to a professional. It's very important that you tell them the things you told us about your diet and controlling it, and seeing yourself as fat, because as you can see, if you just ask whether your weight is within the normal range for your height or if the numbers themselves are healthy, there are many who will miss the point. Please see a doctor before you do anything like taking up a new workout plan - excessively working out can be another way people try to exert control over their bodies when they have disordered eating. You shouldn't have to work out to feel good about eating.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:19 AM on September 24, 2014 [13 favorites]
I don't think you need to change your diet. If what you're eating gives you enough energy to do all the things you want to do in the day plus you don't have the sugar crashes, that sounds to me like a huge plus. Honestly, there are periods in my life where I eat the exact same thing for breakfast and lunch and mid-day snacks for months at a time, because it works for me.
There was a period in my life where I was commuting by bike ~20 mi/day, working as a line cook/baker so eating stuff I cooked (no fast food or anything), and otherwise physically active. I weighed 180 lb at 6' and was frequently told how thin I looked. A year later, I had a car, less free time, more "convenience" foods, and I weighed around 210, and lots of people were complimenting me on how much better I looked (regardless of the fact that my lean mass hadn't changed that much and I was more tired and yada yada the important thing was how I looked to other people I guess). So yeah, it happens.
I think you're fine based on what I read, but I think you should talk with a professional (doctor, dietician, nurse practitioner, what-have-you). Better to ask and be told officially "nah, you're good."
posted by disconnect at 12:12 PM on September 24, 2014
There was a period in my life where I was commuting by bike ~20 mi/day, working as a line cook/baker so eating stuff I cooked (no fast food or anything), and otherwise physically active. I weighed 180 lb at 6' and was frequently told how thin I looked. A year later, I had a car, less free time, more "convenience" foods, and I weighed around 210, and lots of people were complimenting me on how much better I looked (regardless of the fact that my lean mass hadn't changed that much and I was more tired and yada yada the important thing was how I looked to other people I guess). So yeah, it happens.
I think you're fine based on what I read, but I think you should talk with a professional (doctor, dietician, nurse practitioner, what-have-you). Better to ask and be told officially "nah, you're good."
posted by disconnect at 12:12 PM on September 24, 2014
I would say you are below average, but not too thin. Your eating habits actually sound pretty healthy to me.
According to the CDC's BMI calculator, a person who is 5'5" and weighs 115 pounds has a BMI of 19.1, which they say is normal for that height. The normal weight range would be 111 to 150, so you can see that you are below average. But unless you dip below 111, I think you should not worry.
I mean, it can't hurt to ask your doctor about this at your next annual checkup, but beyond that, I think you're good.
posted by merejane at 2:46 PM on September 24, 2014
According to the CDC's BMI calculator, a person who is 5'5" and weighs 115 pounds has a BMI of 19.1, which they say is normal for that height. The normal weight range would be 111 to 150, so you can see that you are below average. But unless you dip below 111, I think you should not worry.
I mean, it can't hurt to ask your doctor about this at your next annual checkup, but beyond that, I think you're good.
posted by merejane at 2:46 PM on September 24, 2014
You know seeing a doctor may or may not help. Many GPs don't really know to much about disordered eating, nutrition or why some people are thin and others are fat, or even if fat automatically means unhealthy.
If you're happy and healthy at your weight, and what you eat and how you eat it doesn't dominate your life then you're probably okay.
I will say that whether or not people mean to be complimentary or not, it's not anyone's business to comment on your food intake or you body.
If you feel that this is something to explore, I'd suggest going to a GP for a physical. If there's still a question after that, either in your mind or the doctor's, see a therapist who deals specifically with disordered eating.
I have an eating disorder and I have found therapy with a specialist to be incredibly helpful.
But mostly, who cares what other people think?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:26 PM on September 24, 2014
If you're happy and healthy at your weight, and what you eat and how you eat it doesn't dominate your life then you're probably okay.
I will say that whether or not people mean to be complimentary or not, it's not anyone's business to comment on your food intake or you body.
If you feel that this is something to explore, I'd suggest going to a GP for a physical. If there's still a question after that, either in your mind or the doctor's, see a therapist who deals specifically with disordered eating.
I have an eating disorder and I have found therapy with a specialist to be incredibly helpful.
But mostly, who cares what other people think?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:26 PM on September 24, 2014
Your BMI doesn't really matter.
What is happening in your head does:
Is this an eating disorder of some sort or just a kind of unhealthy obsession?
Definitely go to a doctor. I am not diagnosing you in any way, but an unhealthy obsession and an eating disorder are essentially the same thing if, as you acknowledge, you think that your diet may be out of control, which is why you need to see a medical specialist.
posted by miss tea at 3:20 AM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]
What is happening in your head does:
Is this an eating disorder of some sort or just a kind of unhealthy obsession?
Definitely go to a doctor. I am not diagnosing you in any way, but an unhealthy obsession and an eating disorder are essentially the same thing if, as you acknowledge, you think that your diet may be out of control, which is why you need to see a medical specialist.
posted by miss tea at 3:20 AM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]
If you're 5'5" (about average) and wear XXL (much smaller than average), then logically that you are thinner than average.
The commenter meant XXS, obviously, but I disagree with the conclusion, anyway. The way clothes are sized these days, XXS is like the old S (and 00 is the new size 2, etc). I am 5'4" and between 125 and 130 athletic/muscular pounds and at the Gap I regularly have to buy XS or XXS in some styles. I don't have body issues and I don't think it's self-deprecating to say that I really shouldn't be a XS/XXS with my frame.
That said, I do think your post contains some flags as to your attitude toward food and the psychological problems that cause or be caused by anorexia. Your actually body may or may not be "too thin," but only you are your doctor could determine you if you are in physical danger (e.g. anorexia sequelae - heart trouble, anemia, bone loss, GI probelms, amenorrhea, electrolyte problems, kidney problems, etc).
posted by Pax at 6:08 AM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]
The commenter meant XXS, obviously, but I disagree with the conclusion, anyway. The way clothes are sized these days, XXS is like the old S (and 00 is the new size 2, etc). I am 5'4" and between 125 and 130 athletic/muscular pounds and at the Gap I regularly have to buy XS or XXS in some styles. I don't have body issues and I don't think it's self-deprecating to say that I really shouldn't be a XS/XXS with my frame.
That said, I do think your post contains some flags as to your attitude toward food and the psychological problems that cause or be caused by anorexia. Your actually body may or may not be "too thin," but only you are your doctor could determine you if you are in physical danger (e.g. anorexia sequelae - heart trouble, anemia, bone loss, GI probelms, amenorrhea, electrolyte problems, kidney problems, etc).
posted by Pax at 6:08 AM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
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I think maybe a doctor can tell you? In general your diet sounds fine.
I sorta wonder about the people making tons of comments. Is it real concern or judgey bullshit?
When I was 5'6" and 115 lbs I was def too thin. At 5'5" you're probably on the border of unhealthy type thin.
IANAD and this is just my judgey internet opinion.
posted by jbenben at 11:14 PM on September 23, 2014 [2 favorites]