Why are some stray cats super pushy about getting snuggles?
September 19, 2014 6:49 PM Subscribe
As I write this, a cat is sdddaf constantly mushi`ng her face into my hands and keyboard. I've known a fair number of cats. There seems to be this subset of them that suddenly get really aggressively snuggly. What gives? What can I do to help them feel less needy?
I've known a lot of cats, and every so often one will become determined to get lots and lots of petting from us. What's this about and how can we hasten their chilling out?
That's basically the question, but feel free to read the appendix below: Snuggle-Seeking Behavior Intensity Among Cats Visiting My Home (n=5).
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Over the years of living in this house, we've known five feral or stray cats. Two were skittish, one was "normal," and two aggressively sought snuggles.
The "normal" one we met first and adopted him right off. He was an abandoned house cat. He never aggressively sought snuggles, but we responded well to early snuggle-seeking behavior, so maybe he never had to escalate.
Then we met a feral mom. She was skittish. We fed her. Once in a blue moon, she wanted to be petted once. We neutered and still feed her. We adopted her baby, and he is alternately skittish and willing to sleep on our lap.
In the middle of adopting the kitten, an abandoned house cat came by and seemed to become really determined to become our third house cat. That cat would never leave our bedroom patio door and meowed all.night.long. We found a foster home who got him adopted with a family. Somewhere after he moved to the foster home, he turned super-calm and restful. That's the transition I want to hasten with this next cat I'll mention.
The current "problem cat" (though yes, the real problem is that we can't figure out how to stop ourselves from feeding strays) was, we thought, completely feral. S/he* lived in our shed for a year, maybe sneaking in once every two weeks for food if we left the door open. Eventually s/he figured out how to get in the bathroom window for food. That was fine. S/he started to hang out on our deck, which was okay because it didn't bother the other cats, and we eventually started to put out dry food for him/her regularly. (* Possibly a neutered male without his ear clipped, but more likely a female.)
More recently, s/he has started to meow in the middle of the night. At first we thought, okay, maybe you ran out of food, maybe you have worms that give you stomach pains on an empty stomach, we're not cruel, here's some dry food. But the food wasn't satisfying him/her. We set up a vet visit with the feral cat society for a few weeks from now, thinking s/he was in pain (or um, heat. But it's gone on too long to be heat, I think? And the last example of this was a male cat.) Recently, s/he has been coming in the window, climbing on our bed, and butting her head against me trying to get me to pet her. And sure enough, the random meowing turns out to be a desire for petting and lots of it. In both of these cases, we had never pet them before they started this crying, so I don't even know where they got it.
I wouldn't mind petting either of these cats if they didn't go so crazy for it, butting their head against you so hard that your petting glances off, constantly moving, lying down in front of you as you walk down the sidewalk. If 15 minutes of petting a day was sufficient, I could do that, but they never got satiated. After about 15 minutes, I feel like "hey, we're happy you're not starving and we'll make sure you're neutered; now go play with your cat friends or sleep in the grass or otherwise live your cat life to its fullest." Or, I'll say "hey, sure, climb up on my couch while I type this question," but the head-butting got so constant that I had to put him/her out again.
So I'm now (a) trying to find a home for this cat where s/he can get all the love s/he wants, and (b) wondering if there's any way to get him/her to chill out. Is something here I'm not considering -- are they actually itchy; should I just get them a flea dip? are they just rubbing some scent marker all over me, and if so... why suddenly now after being fed by us for a couple months? Is it just a pent-up demand thing? Is it a security thing that will go away, with them temporarily thinking they have to be the most snuggly of all the cats to keep getting food?
(And anyway, yeah, if you're in the Bay Area and want a snuggly cat with beautiful long cream fur, and some grey highlights and big blue eyes, let me know. As I say, the last cat like this quickly turned into a fabulous house cat who would curl up next to his foster "parent" and purr and sleep there all day, which I suspect will happen here as well.)
I've known a lot of cats, and every so often one will become determined to get lots and lots of petting from us. What's this about and how can we hasten their chilling out?
That's basically the question, but feel free to read the appendix below: Snuggle-Seeking Behavior Intensity Among Cats Visiting My Home (n=5).
-----------
Over the years of living in this house, we've known five feral or stray cats. Two were skittish, one was "normal," and two aggressively sought snuggles.
The "normal" one we met first and adopted him right off. He was an abandoned house cat. He never aggressively sought snuggles, but we responded well to early snuggle-seeking behavior, so maybe he never had to escalate.
Then we met a feral mom. She was skittish. We fed her. Once in a blue moon, she wanted to be petted once. We neutered and still feed her. We adopted her baby, and he is alternately skittish and willing to sleep on our lap.
In the middle of adopting the kitten, an abandoned house cat came by and seemed to become really determined to become our third house cat. That cat would never leave our bedroom patio door and meowed all.night.long. We found a foster home who got him adopted with a family. Somewhere after he moved to the foster home, he turned super-calm and restful. That's the transition I want to hasten with this next cat I'll mention.
The current "problem cat" (though yes, the real problem is that we can't figure out how to stop ourselves from feeding strays) was, we thought, completely feral. S/he* lived in our shed for a year, maybe sneaking in once every two weeks for food if we left the door open. Eventually s/he figured out how to get in the bathroom window for food. That was fine. S/he started to hang out on our deck, which was okay because it didn't bother the other cats, and we eventually started to put out dry food for him/her regularly. (* Possibly a neutered male without his ear clipped, but more likely a female.)
More recently, s/he has started to meow in the middle of the night. At first we thought, okay, maybe you ran out of food, maybe you have worms that give you stomach pains on an empty stomach, we're not cruel, here's some dry food. But the food wasn't satisfying him/her. We set up a vet visit with the feral cat society for a few weeks from now, thinking s/he was in pain (or um, heat. But it's gone on too long to be heat, I think? And the last example of this was a male cat.) Recently, s/he has been coming in the window, climbing on our bed, and butting her head against me trying to get me to pet her. And sure enough, the random meowing turns out to be a desire for petting and lots of it. In both of these cases, we had never pet them before they started this crying, so I don't even know where they got it.
I wouldn't mind petting either of these cats if they didn't go so crazy for it, butting their head against you so hard that your petting glances off, constantly moving, lying down in front of you as you walk down the sidewalk. If 15 minutes of petting a day was sufficient, I could do that, but they never got satiated. After about 15 minutes, I feel like "hey, we're happy you're not starving and we'll make sure you're neutered; now go play with your cat friends or sleep in the grass or otherwise live your cat life to its fullest." Or, I'll say "hey, sure, climb up on my couch while I type this question," but the head-butting got so constant that I had to put him/her out again.
So I'm now (a) trying to find a home for this cat where s/he can get all the love s/he wants, and (b) wondering if there's any way to get him/her to chill out. Is something here I'm not considering -- are they actually itchy; should I just get them a flea dip? are they just rubbing some scent marker all over me, and if so... why suddenly now after being fed by us for a couple months? Is it just a pent-up demand thing? Is it a security thing that will go away, with them temporarily thinking they have to be the most snuggly of all the cats to keep getting food?
(And anyway, yeah, if you're in the Bay Area and want a snuggly cat with beautiful long cream fur, and some grey highlights and big blue eyes, let me know. As I say, the last cat like this quickly turned into a fabulous house cat who would curl up next to his foster "parent" and purr and sleep there all day, which I suspect will happen here as well.)
cats are a very successful species who got this far by being able to identify and exploit cat-loving humans. somewhere behind me, watching me type this, is margie the trouble puss.
posted by bruce at 7:26 PM on September 19, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by bruce at 7:26 PM on September 19, 2014 [7 favorites]
We cat-sitted my in-laws' cat over the summer, and she was like this. Constant head butts, and going after our hands at night to get pets. She's usually more skittish and standoffish. I thought I was a cat whisperer.
Turns out she had fleas. We also got fleas, and it has been a super not-fun process dealing with them. I would check for/medicate for fleas, especially is this car is coming into your house and interacting with your other cats.
posted by jeoc at 7:52 PM on September 19, 2014 [5 favorites]
Turns out she had fleas. We also got fleas, and it has been a super not-fun process dealing with them. I would check for/medicate for fleas, especially is this car is coming into your house and interacting with your other cats.
posted by jeoc at 7:52 PM on September 19, 2014 [5 favorites]
Mr Otter Handler and I adopted a pair of kittens from a rescued pregnant stray mom and they were raised from birth by hand to be used to human contact. They are now the cuddliest, loviest cats you could ever hope to meet - yes, to the point of being borderline needy. I feel that it really is an evolutionary trait for domesticated cats to try to bond with humans - they get a pretty good rate of return by being cute and affectionate. It is also just possible that your kitty feels grateful to not be in a precarious place, survival-wise.
Stay kind, but know that you'll have an advantage getting your snugglebunny adopted because she trusts people. Is it annoying? Probably. Unless you have physical signs of illness, your kitty is just doing the best she can to maintain her place in a safe home.
posted by Otter_Handler at 8:09 PM on September 19, 2014
Stay kind, but know that you'll have an advantage getting your snugglebunny adopted because she trusts people. Is it annoying? Probably. Unless you have physical signs of illness, your kitty is just doing the best she can to maintain her place in a safe home.
posted by Otter_Handler at 8:09 PM on September 19, 2014
Hello, welcome to the family. You are being scent marked.
"why suddenly now after being fed by us for a couple months" My feral abandoned kitty [long story] lived with me for almost a year and a half [heh, galloping behind me right now] before she decided I was her mom and started sucking my fingers.
Cat's have a limited amount of behaviours. They can mark [pee], they can sharpen their claws, they can attack for fun [batabattabat], they can hide. they can nurse, they can hunker to hunt. My cat jumped out of a window to be friends with a puppy sixteen feet below.
Adopt out. The cat seems a cat. And no I'm not suffering from Toxoplasma gondii.
posted by vapidave at 8:28 PM on September 19, 2014
"why suddenly now after being fed by us for a couple months" My feral abandoned kitty [long story] lived with me for almost a year and a half [heh, galloping behind me right now] before she decided I was her mom and started sucking my fingers.
Cat's have a limited amount of behaviours. They can mark [pee], they can sharpen their claws, they can attack for fun [batabattabat], they can hide. they can nurse, they can hunker to hunt. My cat jumped out of a window to be friends with a puppy sixteen feet below.
Adopt out. The cat seems a cat. And no I'm not suffering from Toxoplasma gondii.
posted by vapidave at 8:28 PM on September 19, 2014
Some cats really like humans a whole lot and will spend their life living on you if given half a chance, my last one was like that because her feral mother (she was born under the house) abandoned her too soon.
My guess is they have separation anxiety and are attempting to self-sooth.
posted by squeak at 8:51 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
My guess is they have separation anxiety and are attempting to self-sooth.
posted by squeak at 8:51 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
I thought the standard answer to all "why does this cat do [insert random behaviour]?" questions was always "Because cats are weird?"
My other thought was that this cat was actually a stray and not feral and hence used to humans, those tall creatures that are capable of opening cans of noms and providing scritches. Congratulations, you've passed the first nom test and have been promoted to level 2, that of scritch provider.
Honestly though, I really believe my original answer is closer to truth.
posted by cgg at 9:36 PM on September 19, 2014 [9 favorites]
My other thought was that this cat was actually a stray and not feral and hence used to humans, those tall creatures that are capable of opening cans of noms and providing scritches. Congratulations, you've passed the first nom test and have been promoted to level 2, that of scritch provider.
Honestly though, I really believe my original answer is closer to truth.
posted by cgg at 9:36 PM on September 19, 2014 [9 favorites]
I agree with those who say some cats are just like that. Our Chaplin was found as a stray by animal control and brought to a local no-kill shelter. He picked us out by plopping into my boyfriend's lap, licking him, and making it very clear he wasn't going anywhere until we decided to adopt him. (We had gone to visit the shelter to meet and decide between two other cats. We'd been looking at older cats, so Chaplin, at age two and a half, hadn't been on our radar at all before we got there.) He's been a snuggler ever since he came home with us and is currently snuggled up next to me. : )
posted by SisterHavana at 12:02 AM on September 20, 2014
posted by SisterHavana at 12:02 AM on September 20, 2014
My needy cat currently has one arm around my neck, like a monkey, and is trying to nurse from my t-shirt. I think he does these things because he was separated from mom too early. We found him when he was 4-5 weeks old.
posted by chaiminda at 4:44 AM on September 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by chaiminda at 4:44 AM on September 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
My Eartha meows, paws at me and heat-butts me for attention. Then when I pet her, she does the wriggly, walking away, butt in the air stuff. And I can't EVER get her to sit in my lap for a pet. She was the only girl in a litter of 5. Her brother Malcolm is a bit better.
These cats were very well socialized, stayed with Mama until the appropriate age and have never known a minute of want. They are still weirdos.
Cats, whatchagonnado?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:28 AM on September 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
These cats were very well socialized, stayed with Mama until the appropriate age and have never known a minute of want. They are still weirdos.
Cats, whatchagonnado?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:28 AM on September 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
I'm also thinking that perhaps this is a stray former pet, rather than a from-birth feral cat. But who knows with cats. Squeaky was a stray that kept hanging around our house, all grungy-looking with matted long hair (we already had two cats, one an adopted stray, but both were short hairs). He kept hanging around the house and of course softy-for-animals Dad kept feeding him. Anyway, after several months the weather got colder and the stray got bolder and would sit on the porch and meow up at the door so Dad finally capitulated and said "Well, what's one more cat...".
We took him to the vet for a thorough cleaning and shots and neutering. After his bath Squeaky (so named because he couldn't meow, only utter vague squeak noises; vet suspected that a previously untreated respiratory illness was the cause) fluffed out and the vet determined that he was a Maine coon cat. Sadly, Squeaky was also FIV-positive, but we adopted him nevertheless and he turned out to be the cuddliest, most affection-seeking cat we'd ever owned. Dad kept saying it was because Squeaky was grateful that we'd taken him in, but I don't know that cats' minds work quite that way. But for the four years we had him, Squeaky was rarely further than an arm's length away from any of us. He craved petting and loved to sleep on Dad's chest snuggled right under his chin whenever Dad was in bed (despite his extremely furry 15 lb. bulk that threatened to smother Dad, he'd never disturb Squeaky from his resting place).
posted by Oriole Adams at 12:25 PM on September 20, 2014
We took him to the vet for a thorough cleaning and shots and neutering. After his bath Squeaky (so named because he couldn't meow, only utter vague squeak noises; vet suspected that a previously untreated respiratory illness was the cause) fluffed out and the vet determined that he was a Maine coon cat. Sadly, Squeaky was also FIV-positive, but we adopted him nevertheless and he turned out to be the cuddliest, most affection-seeking cat we'd ever owned. Dad kept saying it was because Squeaky was grateful that we'd taken him in, but I don't know that cats' minds work quite that way. But for the four years we had him, Squeaky was rarely further than an arm's length away from any of us. He craved petting and loved to sleep on Dad's chest snuggled right under his chin whenever Dad was in bed (despite his extremely furry 15 lb. bulk that threatened to smother Dad, he'd never disturb Squeaky from his resting place).
posted by Oriole Adams at 12:25 PM on September 20, 2014
Response by poster: Thanks all. I have been persuaded that the right answer is "because that's how some cats are." She agrees.
I also think that it probably is insecurity about whether it's okay for her to be inside, because when I act like she belongs here (mostly by pretending not to see her), that keeps her from starting up, and when she stands outside the (open) door meowing, I just tell her what a smart and beautiful cat she is, and that calms her down.
I will also treat for fleas and try to play with her more. Thanks for all the answers. I loved them all.
posted by slidell at 7:03 PM on September 20, 2014
I also think that it probably is insecurity about whether it's okay for her to be inside, because when I act like she belongs here (mostly by pretending not to see her), that keeps her from starting up, and when she stands outside the (open) door meowing, I just tell her what a smart and beautiful cat she is, and that calms her down.
I will also treat for fleas and try to play with her more. Thanks for all the answers. I loved them all.
posted by slidell at 7:03 PM on September 20, 2014
If I didn't know any better I'd say she's a lynx ragdoll! I'd scoop her up in an instant but I'm not close enough. I hope she finds a home where she'll be cherished.
posted by squeak at 10:01 PM on September 20, 2014
posted by squeak at 10:01 PM on September 20, 2014
Response by poster: If I didn't know any better I'd say she's a lynx ragdoll!
I think you are right, squeak! Nice to have a good description for internet postings, etc. Thanks.
posted by slidell at 3:30 PM on September 21, 2014
I think you are right, squeak! Nice to have a good description for internet postings, etc. Thanks.
posted by slidell at 3:30 PM on September 21, 2014
I've heard that ragdolls tend to be super cuddly, which might explain your cat.
posted by divabat at 5:19 PM on September 21, 2014
posted by divabat at 5:19 PM on September 21, 2014
OMG! That is one gorgeous cat!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:29 PM on September 22, 2014
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:29 PM on September 22, 2014
Response by poster: The exciting conclusion to this story is that I just dropped off the cat at divabat's house! Hopefully it will come out from under the bed eventually...
posted by slidell at 10:00 PM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by slidell at 10:00 PM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]
Best answer: yup, the cat is currently hiding under my bed. hopefully they'll figure out I'm safe enough to demand cuddles off me.
posted by divabat at 10:49 PM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by divabat at 10:49 PM on October 4, 2014 [2 favorites]
Best answer: noisiest purrer ever (and she thinks my computer will scratch her back)
posted by divabat at 12:11 PM on October 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by divabat at 12:11 PM on October 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
I've heard that ragdolls tend to be super cuddly, which might explain your cat.
A cuddly Ragdoll? It's a myth! A lot of ragdoll owners I've come across complain they can't get cuddles from their kitties. Mine growls at me if I try to hold her then hides for the rest of the day and/or gives me a very wide berth. She really doesn't like being cuddled and/or held.
posted by squeak at 7:30 PM on October 6, 2014
A cuddly Ragdoll? It's a myth! A lot of ragdoll owners I've come across complain they can't get cuddles from their kitties. Mine growls at me if I try to hold her then hides for the rest of the day and/or gives me a very wide berth. She really doesn't like being cuddled and/or held.
posted by squeak at 7:30 PM on October 6, 2014
Response by poster: Welp - the follow-up is that the cat is back with us (allergies! bah!). To answer the question, though, we find that this cat is less pushy the more that he feels confident and secure. We have another lead on a home for him, but if anyone else is interested, let me know.
posted by slidell at 11:09 PM on October 20, 2014
posted by slidell at 11:09 PM on October 20, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
A suggestion I found was to play with her more. It seems to be working well with my cat, who was also feral and is now my sweet little house cat. We are currently doing a stick/string thing and aluminum foil balls sort of hold her attention for a few minutes, too.
posted by sockermom at 6:57 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]