Do the Ostrich.
September 14, 2014 8:53 PM   Subscribe

What are some of the most ludicrous exhortations in pop music?

Sadly, I got "The Safety Dance" stuck in my head tonight. After rolling it around for a while, I got fixated on the line, "Everybody look at your hands!" Which in turn led me to wonder: what are some other ridiculous commands in pop?

I don't want your garden-variety "Push it real good", or even (necessarily) the object-oriented "Boots! Start walking!" but rather specific admonitions directed at the listening audience. The more left-field, the better. What say you?
posted by mykescipark to Media & Arts (61 answers total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
 
Everybody Wang Chung toinight.
posted by macadamiaranch at 9:05 PM on September 14, 2014 [17 favorites]


Do the twist, electric slide, wang Chung, etc
posted by dfriedman at 9:06 PM on September 14, 2014


Oh, Kung fu fighting too.
posted by dfriedman at 9:07 PM on September 14, 2014


Do the Brown Nose!
posted by Jaymzifer at 9:07 PM on September 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


DJ Kool, Let Me Clear My Throat. I recommend a listen, as the lyrics don't do this justice:
Now if y'all wanna party like we do
If y'all wanna party like us, lemme hear ya say
Ah ah ah ah ah, if y'all wanna party like we do
If y'all wanna party like us lemme hear ya say
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Now when I say uh, you say ah
Uh (crowd) Uh (crowd)
And now when I say hey, you say ha
Hey (crowd) hey (crowd)
Now when I say uh, you say ah
Uh (crowd) Uh (crowd)
Now when I say hey you say ha, hey (crowd)
Now when I say freeze you just freeze one time
When I say freeze y'all stop on a dime
When I say freeze you just freeze one time
When I say freeze y'all stop on a dime freeze
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 9:07 PM on September 14, 2014 [8 favorites]


I don't think Kung Fu Fighting really contains any exhortations to the listening audience, except maybe the line at the end, "Make sure you have expert timing," which would be hilariously weird to take as an admonition.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 9:11 PM on September 14, 2014 [5 favorites]


Take Back Your Duck (hint: rhyming slang.)

Might not qualify, as it's not directed "at the listening audience."
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:21 PM on September 14, 2014


Not ridiculous but I always enjoy Prince exhorting me and my fellow, rhythmless white people in DMSR:

All the white people clap your hands on the four now
One two three, one two three, one two three, one two three, listen to me

posted by latkes at 9:25 PM on September 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


shake it like a Polaroid picture; lend me some sugar
you must whip it
walk the dinosaur
get offa my cloud
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:29 PM on September 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


And from Do the brown nose: I wanna hear you shout 'Erlenmeyer flask'
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:30 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


I don't think there is any more ludicrous exhortation in pop music than the exhortation to shoplift a steam cleaner at the Safe Muffins in Martinez and take it to 180 and the letter G.
posted by eschatfische at 9:32 PM on September 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Hah, latkes' comment reminds me of this exhortation at the end of the immortal Humpty Dance:
Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin' the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
I just love Humpty's abbreviated geo-racial tour of the United States and its minor outlying possessions.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 9:34 PM on September 14, 2014 [27 favorites]


Poooour some shuggah on MEEEE!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 9:56 PM on September 14, 2014


Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick
posted by Crane Shot at 9:57 PM on September 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur.
posted by Pronoiac at 10:02 PM on September 14, 2014 [7 favorites]


Tell the driver that you're going to a double-dutch affair.
posted by limeonaire at 10:14 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Superman that ho.
posted by pineappleheart at 10:59 PM on September 14, 2014 [7 favorites]


"Somebody call 911! Shorty got a fever on the dancefloor" (not sure why that's an emergency)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:28 PM on September 14, 2014


Well, it's pretty forward if not actually ludicrous: It's getting hot in herre (so hot) so take off all your clothes.

I am sure that George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic encouraged us to do some deeply silly things but the only one I can think of off the top of my head is "Do the dogcatcher". ("Let's shoot them with the bop gun" is an exhortation to the Funkateers, not the audience per se, although the audience is always treated like a good friend at a P-Funk show.)
posted by gingerest at 11:45 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Angry Samoans - Lights Out!

There's nothing more you can leave behind
So forget about seeing, get into your mind
Everything looks better when the world is black
Grab a fork, make the first attack
Lights out!
Poke poke, poke your eyes out
Lights out!


Listeners are instructed to continue poke, poke, poking their eyes out (How many do they have, really? Are we flies?) with other implements including pens and an axe.
posted by Gotanda at 12:05 AM on September 15, 2014 [3 favorites]


Kill Yourself! - Uncle Dave Macon, sometime in the 1920s.
posted by scruss at 12:33 AM on September 15, 2014


There's a Lonely Island song spoofing this called GO KINDERGARTEN. The whole song is ludicrous exhortations, but since that's the joke it might not satisfy your question.
posted by distorte at 12:33 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


Pass That Dutch by Missy Elliott has some pretty good ones:

"When you hear the sound - WHO-DI-WHOOOOO! - Run for cover, motherfucker"
"Shake ya ass till it stink"
"Jiggle that fat"
posted by sigmagalator at 12:35 AM on September 15, 2014


You got to know your chicken.
posted by kadonoishi at 2:37 AM on September 15, 2014 [5 favorites]


If only I could find it... "Suck on my guitar" from Bootsy Collins.
posted by deadwax at 4:22 AM on September 15, 2014




Frankly, I think that life would be so much better if more people were to Walk Like an Egyptian.
On the other hand, Roxy Music does not define what they mean when they exhort us to Do the Strand.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:09 AM on September 15, 2014


Well, it's pretty forward if not actually ludicrous: It's getting hot in herre (so hot) so take off all your clothes.

You're right, that's not actually Ludacris; it's Nelly. ;)

But speaking of Ludacris:

Move bitch, get out the way

or

Tell your boyfriend not to be mad at me
posted by elsietheeel at 5:52 AM on September 15, 2014 [2 favorites]


Stand in the place where you are, now face west, (whole song is imperatives like that)

and TMBG songs are a mine of weird imperatives - not sure all of these quite count, but:
Put your hand inside the puppet head
Throw the crib door wide, let the people crawl inside
Make a hole with a gun perpendicular, to the name of this town in a desktop globe
Make a little birdhouse in your soul
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:29 AM on September 15, 2014 [4 favorites]


Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance!
posted by kimberussell at 6:32 AM on September 15, 2014


Go and lick some uncooked meat--T. Rex
posted by scratch at 6:34 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


Digital Underground's Doowutchyalike has a bunch (full lyrics)

Just eat food, try not to be crude or rude
Kill the attitude, chill the serious mood
-------------------------------------------------

Now if you're hungry, get yourself something to eat
And if you're dirty, then go take a bath
Messed up the line?
Nope, sometimes I don't rhyme
Help yourself to a cracker, with a spread of cheddar cheese
Have a neck bone, you don't have to say please
Eat wutch ya like, yo, smell how ya like
----------------------------------------------------

Homegirls, for once, forget you got class
See a guy you like, just grab 'em in the biscuits

etc. etc.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:39 AM on September 15, 2014 [2 favorites]




Everyone thank Todd Terry
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:10 AM on September 15, 2014


The Cramps' "The Crusher":

Do the Hammerlock
Do the Hammerlock
Do the Hammerlock you turkey necks -- everybody's doing it

Do the Eye Gouge
Do the Eye Gouge (etc)

All right you turkey necks, I'm gonna teach you how to do the Crusher, and if you don't learn it now I'm gonna get you

Now first you take your fist and you put it on your waist,
Then you squeeze your partner's head until she's blue in the face

Yeah do the Crusher
Do the Crusher
Do the Crusher you turkey necks
Everybody's doing it
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:13 AM on September 15, 2014 [2 favorites]


When I say freeze y'all stop on a dime
When I say freeze you just freeze one time
When I say freeze y'all stop on a dime freeze


There are tons of jazz/swing/blues songs that tell the listeners to dance or stop dancing.

I want everybody dancin just like I tell ya.
Now when I say hold of yourself, everybody get ready to stop.
And when I say stop, don’t move a peg.
And when I say get it, everybody do a boogie woogie.
....
Now when I say hold of yourself this time, y’all get ready to stop.
And when I say stop, don’t move! And when I say get it, everybody mess around!

etc.
-Pinetop's Boogie Woogie, Pinetop Perkins

Now, ah, when I say stop don't you move a peg
When I say go, just ah, shake your leg
And do the mess around
-Ray Charles, Mess Around
posted by aka burlap at 7:19 AM on September 15, 2014


Do the Freddie!
posted by ubiquity at 7:20 AM on September 15, 2014 [3 favorites]


Open the door, Get on the floor, Everybody Walk the Dinosaur.
posted by soelo at 7:38 AM on September 15, 2014


Potomac Avenue: "Somebody call 911! Shorty got a fever on the dancefloor" (not sure why that's an emergency)

Because of the proximity to other individuals on the dancefloor, the fever might have spread to other individuals. It's best to stop such outbreaks before they spread beyond the point of origin, or the whole region might get the fever.

Do the Ricky Bobby, pose for the frame

Do the Bartman
Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Whoa!
Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Shake it out, man!
Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bartman!
Do the 45
45, yeah, do the 45

Come on now, girl, do the 45
Twist up a storm, baby, do the 45
Why did you twine it, baby? Do the 45
Hey, hey, hey

45, yeah, do the 45
Do the Bambi, come back and be mine

Do The Evolution (not so much a direction for dancing as it is a political statement, I think)

Do The Astral Plane ("badoobadoobadooba, badoobadoobadooba, badoobadoobadooba" - that's it.)
posted by filthy light thief at 7:54 AM on September 15, 2014


And from a personal favorite, Javelin – Oh Centra
Oh, Centra-Do, I'm watching you
Let's see what you can do


Let's do the barrel roll
Let's see the barrel roll
Girl, do that monkeyfoot
Let's see the monkeyfoot
Let's see the time machine
Now see the time machine
Let's go to the succulent
Girl, work that succulent down
Look through the looking glass
Look through the looking glass
Personally, I wanna see the wizard
Work that wizard now
And on to the sow cow
Their triple sow cow
Onto the sidle up
Off the wall, to the sidle up, man
Let's go to Joe's room
Let's go to Joe's room
posted by filthy light thief at 7:58 AM on September 15, 2014


Pass That Dutch by Missy Elliott has some pretty good ones

You can pass that dutch, or you can pass the dutchie on the left hand side.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 8:08 AM on September 15, 2014 [3 favorites]


Take your baby by the hand
And make her do a high handstand
And take your baby by the heel
And do the next thing that you feel

Take your baby by the hair
And pull her close and there, there, there
And take your baby by the ears
And play upon her darkest fears

You do these things because you are so in phase and cool on craze.
posted by otters walk among us at 8:32 AM on September 15, 2014 [2 favorites]


Bushwhack me with your love...baby.
"Attack Me with Your Love" by Cameo.)
posted by Atrahasis at 8:33 AM on September 15, 2014


Everybody go hotel, motel, Holiday Inn.

It might not sound like a command but when I saw them perform it the entire audience did, in fact, say "hotel, motel, Holiday Inn."
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:54 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


"Pretend your face is a Maserati" - Ted Nugent
posted by Knappster at 8:59 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


Check your bucket by Eddie Bo.
posted by umbú at 9:28 AM on September 15, 2014


Do all 16 dances.
posted by Gev at 9:51 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


Have we forgotten "pour some sugar on me"?
posted by Billiken at 9:56 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


Do the Hustle
posted by Prawn at 9:58 AM on September 15, 2014


And from The King: "Do the clam. Everybody dig right in and do the clam ...".
I'll just take my zimmer and go, shall I!
posted by Logophiliac at 10:08 AM on September 15, 2014


Take it to the fridge! (3 Mustaphas 3)
posted by umbú at 11:45 AM on September 15, 2014


do the dog, not the donkey!
posted by ifjuly at 1:56 PM on September 15, 2014


Do The Standing Still!
posted by ovvl at 6:35 PM on September 15, 2014


also The Cramps: Don't eat stuff off the sidewalk
posted by yoHighness at 8:34 PM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


Get it on, bang a gong, get it on.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:41 PM on September 15, 2014 [2 favorites]


There's always Marsha Gee's "Peanut Duck"...
posted by 0127661 at 10:07 AM on September 16, 2014




Brand new one from the great people that brought you What Does the Fox Say: Do the trucker's hitch.

People of the world!
The time has come...
to tie this knot once and for all!
Bonitas
Show me the ropes!
On every dance floor across the world
Let's do the Trucker's Hitch
Are you ready?
Let's tie this knot!
Tie, tie, tie, tie, tie
This is how you do it!

posted by SugarAndSass at 9:59 AM on September 18, 2014


I came back into my own thread to add "Boogie with a suitcase" and "Shuffle with a shoeshine" from the inimitable Pop Muzik.
posted by mykescipark at 11:19 AM on September 19, 2014


tallmiddleagedgeek: "You can pass that dutch, or you can pass the dutchie on the left hand side."

What's particularly great about this one is this:
The song was the band's first release on a major label. It was a cover version of two songs: "Gimme the Music" by U Brown, and "Pass the Kouchie" by The Mighty Diamonds, which deals with the recreational use of cannabis ("kouchie" being slang for a cannabis pipe).[1] For the cover version, the song's title was bowdlerized to "Pass the Dutchie", and all obvious drug references were removed from the lyrics; e.g., when the original croons "How does it feel when you got no herb?", the cover version refers to "food" instead.

"Dutchie" is used as a patois term to refer to a food cooking pot such as a Dutch oven in Jamaica and the Caribbean. It has since become a drug reference in itself, denoting a blunt stuffed with marijuana and rolled in a wrapper from a Dutch Masters cigar, since American and British listeners assumed that the term was a drug reference.
Yep, be sure to pass that Dutch oven on the left hand side!
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 1:53 PM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


I can't believe no one has mentioned "Do the Yam", from 'Carefree', a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers screwball comedy from 1938.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 9:03 PM on November 12, 2014


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