Vladimir Putin, may you...
August 7, 2014 2:04 PM   Subscribe

Help me come up with a humorous, but not crass, toast to Putin at my sister's wedding - she and her fiancé got together because their paths crossed after the Peace Corps evacuated her in 2008 during Russia's invasion of Georgia. Sister has approved the idea, but I need a clever punch line.

My sister has approved this toast idea as long as we do it the way the Georgian's toast Putin - with bad beer held in one's left hand. This will be a short introduction to my regular toast that talks about the bride and groom, but I want it to be humorous and a bit of a jab. After telling about how their paths crossed in the aftermath of the conflict, I want to acknowledge that in some strange way, Putin is part of the reason we're all celebrating this event. So help me think of the punch line that toasts Putin. (E.g., Mr. Putin, may you...)
posted by Terriniski to Grab Bag (9 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
You could reappropriate this bit from Fiddler on the Roof:

Young Jewish Man: Rabbi, may I ask you a question?
Rabbi: Certainly, my son.
Young Jewish Man: Is there a proper blessing for the Tsar?
Rabbi: A blessing for the Tsar? Of course! May God bless and keep the Tsar... far away from us!
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:14 PM on August 7, 2014 [8 favorites]


Evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin and his wife, Connie, have been married a long time, and everybody thought they were happily married. Well, last week Putin announced he was divorcing Connie. And when Chris Humphries heard that, he said, 'You can do that, really?' So far, it's a very amicable divorce. So far, Connie is still alive." –David Letterman

"Yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin and his wife announced that they are getting a divorce after almost 30 years of marriage. When asked why, Putin said, 'We tried to make it work, but you know what they say: Men are from Malgobek, women are from Kadnikov.'" –Jimmy Fallon
posted by blob at 2:23 PM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Putin, may I congratulate you! Only you can divide a population, but unite a couple.

Putin, may your history of invasions be as short as this marriage is long. Peace!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 2:23 PM on August 7, 2014 [32 favorites]

I always side with bad puns. "To Vladamir, thanks for Putin these two together."
posted by advicepig at 2:29 PM on August 7, 2014 [44 favorites]

If you were willing to consider more out-there constructions:

To the troubled old gent name of Vladamir
Left-handed we toast you with bad-old-beer
Yet united we stand
From your meddling hand
So thanks, but please now just disappear
posted by StephenF at 3:03 PM on August 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

I'm trying to think of something based on Putin's fondness for one particular Georgian (i.e., Stalin), but it's not quite coming together.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 4:48 PM on August 7, 2014

How about some godawful puns?
"My sister said I should Putin some good words for her, so I thought I better quit Stalin and come up with a speech that scores top Marx."
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:53 AM on August 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Hey, my husband and I met for the exact same reason! For the love of god, memail me and tell me who your sister is--I am dying of curiosity.

My brother-in-law, who married us, began by telling the story of the way we met, and thanking "those notorious romantics, Mikheil Saakashvili and Vladamir Putin."
posted by chaiminda at 7:17 AM on August 8, 2014 [5 favorites]

"I knew you enjoyed shooting and going shirtless, but I didn't know you were playing cupid."
posted by Comet Bug at 6:17 PM on August 8, 2014

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