Girth & vagina pain.
July 17, 2014 6:43 PM   Subscribe

Repeatedly bleeding after penetrative sex, yes we use so much lube, any advice?


1. Boyfriend is very well endowed in every dimension. As in, when finding an equivalent to 'train' with, I got taken to the Large Dildo Wall instead of the more front-and-center Popular Dildo Wall.
2. I had some serious vaginal tightness/iron hymen problems, which are resolved.
3. We use so. much. lube.
4. I bought a similarly-sized dildo to try to get my vag more 'used' to his size. No bleeding from it, but I use it for shorter 'bursts' than actual sex and it's nearly a half-inch smaller in circumference than he is. Because I couldn't find one his size.
5. We always use barrier protection; no condom has popped.
6. We always make sure that, in addition to the lube, that I'm wet and have recently orgasmed before penetration. We go slowly and stop at any sign of pain.


1. No pain during sex...
2. ...But bleeding afterwards (and last night, during, which is why we stopped)
3. Usually only pain when urinating, as urine gets onto whatever is bleeding and stings, and usually only for the first urination after sex. There is absolutely nothing about this pain that would lead me to suggest the world's most intermittent case of chlamydia, or whatever.
4. Generally, this happens the most if we've gone a week or more between sex, as though my vagina has 'relapsed' into tightness or something.

What the hell else can we do?! I'm running out of ideas.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (26 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

Have you both had checkups with full STI screenings recently? I'd start by seeing your doctors to get checked out to rule out any health concerns and take it from there. Are you familiar with Scarleteen? It's aimed at teens and 20somethings but has great information for all ages!
posted by smorgasbord at 6:55 PM on July 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

When this happens, can you pinpoint where it's coming from? Have you looked around with a mirror? Have you checked if you're bleeding from the inside or the outside? I suspect, since you said it burns when you pee, that the edges are tearing. You should be able to see the tears with a mirror.

Unfortunately if it's tears you just have to let them heal, but then they can split again. Have your doctor check you out and they may have a suggestion. Perhaps you need to treat it a certain way or let it heal longer or maybe there can be some sort of other thing to help prevent the tearing if that's what's happening.

But you need to go to the doctor so they can check everything.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:58 PM on July 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

Do you have a gynecologist and/or had a recent pap smear? Bleeding during/after sex can be an indicator of issues ranging from mild dysplasia that goes away on its own to full on cervical cancer. Often there are no symptoms whatsoever, which is why it's so important to get regular checkups.
posted by Diagonalize at 7:04 PM on July 17, 2014

Yes, go to a doc and rule out any infections. He should get tested too. Burning while peeing is not normal.
posted by emjaybee at 7:07 PM on July 17, 2014

This happens to me because my cervix is sensitive and anytime something bops against it with any amount of force it decides blood is necessary. YMMV, certain positions might be exacerbating it, too (doggy style is ruinous for me, personally).
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:09 PM on July 17, 2014 [6 favorites]

You could try non-latex condoms like, uh, I think they're called Durex Avanti? If you are sensitive to latex it can cause post-bonedown bleeding. Also for me personally if I have a yeast infection, no matter how mild, condoms of any kind can cause bleeding.

Since there is no pain during sex I don't really think size is the issue tbh.
posted by elizardbits at 7:10 PM on July 17, 2014

I find using a lot of lube only speeds things along so that I end up with my cervix being hit more frequently/forcefully, causing bleeding. Do you really need that much lube?

For the occasional irritation near the vaginal opening, I find leaning forward to pee helps a lot with irritation, the urine falls straight down into the bowl in this position.
posted by crankylex at 7:13 PM on July 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

I would nth STI check ups for both of you.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:25 PM on July 17, 2014

Are you definitely bleeding from inside your vagina or is it possibly lower towards your perineum?

My perineum gets little tears really easily (big poops, wedgies, vigourous sex, etc.) and then while it's healing almost any contact or slight jostling of the region will start it bleeding again. A while back I had a tear that kept reopening again and again for over a month despite keeping the whole area super clean and slathering it with antibiotic ointment. I eventually spent a week on an all-liquids fast (no poop) while not wearing underwear or pants (no wedgies) and not having sex or masturbating (no contact/jostling) and it finally healed up.
posted by Jacqueline at 7:33 PM on July 17, 2014

Sounds like you're doing all the things right. If this is essentially bleeding from tearing, which it sounds like from your description, you could additionally take more care of your perineum and the skin around the vaginal opening. Women preparing for childbirth often will massage that area, using oil or lotion (check for compatibility with condoms) to increase elasticity and prevent tears. Also make sure to massage and stretch the affected area during foreplay. Start not only slow, but also with the low impact positions and only change positions once you feel comfortable doing so.
To speed up healing you could use Neosporin or a similar antibiotic ointment.

Nonetheless, visit your gynecologist. Frequent tears can indicate health issues - starting from yeast infections, to autoimmune problems to unbalanced hormone levels. If your estrogen level is low frequent tears could be a symptom. Your doctor can talk about options for low estrogen ranging from estrogen cream to hbc.

If you bleed from pap smears it is possible that your vaginal lining is thin and rips due to intercourse. Did your gyn ever remark on it? It is also possible that there is some anomaly (like scar tissue for example) that opens up due to penetration - something like that could be resolved with surgery.

In any case, going to the doctor is no big deal and you really should because open, bleeding cuts put you at risk for infections and STIs.
posted by travelwithcats at 7:37 PM on July 17, 2014

Mod note: This is a followup from the asker.
Don't mean to threadsit, just quickly:

1. No STDs.
2. Most recent pap smear and gynecological exam was 4 months ago: completely normal, no infection.
3. The pain is from the entry to the vagina, but no visible damage.
4. Might be missing pain because of nerves overloading. It happens that I can miss a lot going on during sex.
5. The pain usually goes away nearly immediately after that first pee.
6. The postcoital pain doesn't occur every time we have sex. Just the longer sessions, which is why I think it's tearing I don't notice in the thick of things.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:39 PM on July 17, 2014

It sounds like he is hitting your cervix (bleeding). Try different positions that don't allow deep penetration and see if that helps. If not, you may want to get checked out. You could have benign polyps causing the bleeding or something else not at all serious.

On a side note, I get tighter with each orgasm so, you coming before penetration might not be helping you, although, I haven't researched it, I could be an oddball.

It won't kill him to not finish. If he is going on too long, tap him on the shoulder and offer to fix him a sandwich.
posted by myselfasme at 7:51 PM on July 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

Have you been checked for polyps?
posted by Dip Flash at 8:32 PM on July 17, 2014

Just weighing in to say I also am significantly tighter after an orgasm than before so you may want to save your happy times for after the penetrative intercourse.

(Also thanks for asking this question, I had a bleeding episode post-coitus myself for the first time earlier today and was feeling a bit worried about it, but here are all these lovely answers for me!)
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:54 PM on July 17, 2014

I had a similar problem with a past SO where breaks would lead to bleeding. But then I got a boyfriend without a super large ya know. The bleeding and pain were gone. It was wonderful....I am just saying. There are anatomical mismatches out there and you don't have to suffer.
posted by Kalmya at 9:10 PM on July 17, 2014

How old are you? This is a common menopause/perimenopause issue. If you're over 35, it could be that. There are topical hormone creams available for it.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:18 PM on July 17, 2014

If it only happens during the longer sessions, you might just have to stop having long penetrative sex sessions.

You can always use a timer for penetrative sex. It's kind of weird but it works. Better than getting a new boyfriend, if this is your only incompatiblity.
posted by sockermom at 10:10 PM on July 17, 2014

If you're using water-based lube, look into silicone lubes.
posted by gingerest at 4:11 AM on July 18, 2014

Have you had your hormone levels checked recently? This can be a symptom of low estrogen which is why, as MexicanYenta points out, it's a common symptom in menopausal women. Low estrogen can cause the tissues lining the vagina to thin and thus become more prone to tearing. Even if you are under the age of traditional menopause, it's worth getting your estrogen levels checked!
posted by Dorinda at 6:26 AM on July 18, 2014

If the bleeding and the pain map one-to-one then it's not cervix. I bet it's what women who have given birth call "skid marks" (I know, I know). They're small lacerations in the skin around the opening to your vagina.

Condoms actually make this kind of thing a lot worse, in my experience--they can be rough. Maybe a different kind of condom would help.
posted by the young rope-rider at 6:53 AM on July 18, 2014

Nthing trying different materials for condoms and lube. Even without a latex sensitivity, I find polyurethane more comfortable/slippery. Female condoms might be worth a shot? Planned Parenthood should be able to fix you up with a variety pack for cheap.
posted by momus_window at 6:59 AM on July 18, 2014

Condoms do this to me, regardless of the size of the person who's wearing them, so I don't wear them when I have a long-term partner (went for a ParaGard and love it) and sort of accept that it's part of the insurance cost of the fun the rest of the time.

What does help is focused attention with fingers beforehand, pushing/stretching/massage. Almost perineal massage (as in for childbirth), but all around. It encourages the muscles to ease up a bit.
posted by notquitemaryann at 4:22 PM on July 18, 2014

My vote is the condom. Condoms can cause a lot more tears than regular human skin. Try a different form of BC.
posted by Neekee at 8:11 AM on July 19, 2014

I don't have any medical advice for you, but:

1. I've been told, and believe anecdotally, that the vagina actually tightens up a little bit post-orgasm compared to being really worked up pre-orgasm. So you might experiment with timing.

2. Agree with others about barrier protection being more irritant than bare.
posted by serelliya at 12:16 AM on July 20, 2014

It's good to get checked out, but the burning while peeing thing sounds more like she's just getting irritated after sex or maybe has some small tears that are being aggravated by the urine (especially considering it only happens once immediately afterwards). I get this sometimes after sex even though I'm healthy/STI-free.
posted by Kimmalah at 5:06 PM on July 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

Lube: I know you say you're using lots... Are you putting it all on at the beginning or adding some during? Especially during longer events, you might be able to start with less if you keep adding it during. Also, where are you putting it? It needs to go on him and on you, especially on your "outside" bits that may get those small tears. Also, this is a bit odd, but trimming the pubic hair around your vulva area (or shaving or waxing, choose your poison) can reduce some of the friction problems down there.

And...well, yeah, shorter penetrative sex sessions. And less rough sex. Pre-game with some other stimulation for both of you, so that you need less of the actual penetration. Better angles as mentioned above.
posted by anaelith at 7:03 PM on October 4, 2014

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