Big 'V' Commemoration Gift
May 14, 2014 7:52 AM   Subscribe

Mr. Fig is in the process of scheduling a vasectomy. I'd like to get him a small thank-you gift for 'taking one for the team' (ie, having surgery so I don't have to), and to commemorate our decision as a couple to remain childless. Basically, I'm looking for the inverse of a Push Present. I need ideas of what to give to him.

I will already be taking care of all post-procedure care (frozen peas, tight undies, trying to corral the dogs to avoid accidental bumps, etc), and let's say the budget is $40 or so. Humorous is totally OK, we are already making jokes about it, and Mr. Fig is one of the hardest-to-offend people I know.

Thanks in advance!
posted by Fig to Grab Bag (32 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Steak and a BJ. Might have to wait until after his recovery for that second part.
posted by Rob Rockets at 7:57 AM on May 14, 2014 [3 favorites]

Cigar with one of those snipper-things in a nice case?
posted by Iteki at 8:01 AM on May 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

A baby bottle... with some really good scotch (or fancy liquor of choice) in it? (Keep most of the bottle of good scotch set aside for later).
posted by ldthomps at 8:07 AM on May 14, 2014

A card with a picture of a family in chaos on the front and a "thanks for making sure we never go through that" message on the inside. (Google image search for "frazzled family" turns up some good ones with parents pulling their hair out while kids run wild.)

I like the answers above too!
posted by chickenmagazine at 8:13 AM on May 14, 2014

TruckNutz or any of the fine Nutz accessories that they sell, especially the ground squirrel coffee mug that says "Hang in There."
posted by Frank Grimes at 8:14 AM on May 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

A pocket knife. (That's what one of the doctors around here gives his patients after vasectomies, but yours probably shouldn't have "DOCTOR SNIP" engraved on it.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:15 AM on May 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

He's going to have several days of lay-low recovery time, so considering your budget I'd say a new video game, if he plays them, or a new gripping book to read if that's more his speed. Or a series on DVD! The vasectomy recoveries that my friends have gone through have basically looked like nap/movie/smartphone games/TV/nap/TV. So anything that makes that more fun is great.
posted by kate blank at 8:18 AM on May 14, 2014 [3 favorites]

As part of a nicer gift, a GIANTmicrobes Sperm Cell could be funny. Depends on your tolerance for having junk around the house.
posted by barnone at 8:19 AM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

This kind of thing seems really individual to me. Ex: In this same situation, my husband would roll his eyes at all of the previous suggestions except the pocket knife (and on preview, the book/DVD series suggestion). What sort of stuff does your man like?
posted by Coatlicue at 8:19 AM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

What ever you get him should be bound with red ribbon, (or twizzler strings) that need to be cut.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:24 AM on May 14, 2014

a testicle plush from i heart guts. depending on your sewing skills you could even put a pocket on the back to hold the bags of peas.
posted by nadawi at 8:30 AM on May 14, 2014 [3 favorites]

Yeah, honestly I'd probably say a nice bottle of his favorite booze or a super nice wine you can enjoy this weekend. Or tickets to an upcoming show - something the two of you can enjoy together this summer?
posted by barnone at 8:33 AM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Personally, I like commemorative gifts to be long lasting and pretty. Something you can use/wear for a long time that will carry that attachment. In my old age I've come around to the idea of jewelry from a partner - something that I wouldn't necessarily buy myself, that shows they understand my style, and will be a nice memento for years to come.

Some things I've chosen for men in my life: tie clip, money clip, cuff links. I'd also suggest an upscale (well-fitting) shirt, nice flask, great bottle of whisky (I was once given an editioned bottle of whisky that really warmed my little heart), whisky glasses, stylish waxed canvas doppler bag, etc. Some of those will be easier to find in your price range than others, but the sentiment holds.

I also like the pocket knife, or perhaps a compass - depending on the guy.
posted by offrecord at 8:34 AM on May 14, 2014

I'm not sure where to get such a thing, but I know someone who had a vasectomy and afterwards had a belt buckle with two oranges engraved on it and the text "vasectomy: all juice, no pulp"
posted by rmd1023 at 8:35 AM on May 14, 2014 [6 favorites]

Does he like sports? If so I'd go with the "taking one for the team" theme and get him something sports related or make him a sports-themed cake.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:38 AM on May 14, 2014

Trophy engraved with "Team player of the year"
posted by bunderful at 8:49 AM on May 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

If he has a particular favorite board game, upgrade any plastic or cardboard pieces to wood, and play games as much as he wants while on the mend.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:01 AM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Personally, I like commemorative gifts to be long lasting and pretty. Something you can use/wear for a long time that will carry that attachment.

Specifically, get him a scissor tie clip!
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:10 AM on May 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

...If you ask nicely they might let you take the little chunks they remove home, where you can put them in a little glass vial with some alcohol and look at them from time to time on your curio shelf.

I mean, I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend. Yeah.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:47 AM on May 14, 2014

It's not like he will ever forget, so make it a consumable.

If you must make it durable goods, how about some nice tools, or maybe a homebrew beer kit?
posted by wenestvedt at 9:53 AM on May 14, 2014

I would suggest some new underwear (or shirt, or mug) printed with...

"Please Spay and Neuter Your Humans" or
"Not Parent Material--Not Now, Not Ever" or
"100 Percent Juice, No Seeds" or
"Happily Shooting Blanks" or
"Getting a Vasectomy Takes Balls" or, simply,
posted by underthehat at 10:03 AM on May 14, 2014

If he likes beer, a 6 pack of his favorite.
Nthing any kind of media (book, game, movie, etc) that he'll enjoy watching while he's on ice.
posted by luckynerd at 10:05 AM on May 14, 2014

> Trophy engraved with "Team player of the year"

Gotta be a bowling trophy!
posted by Sunburnt at 10:13 AM on May 14, 2014

Response by poster: Yeah, I should have dropped some things about him for guidance: He's an athlete (marathoner/ultramarathoner), is very very unfancy (mostly wears workout clothes/Crocs unless we are going out), loves electronic gadgets, enjoys wine, likes watching football and college basketball, is a huge reader, is very up-to-date and opinionated on current events and politics.

There are a lot of great ideas so far, thanks!
posted by Fig at 10:43 AM on May 14, 2014

$40 worth of seedless grapes?
posted by Twicketface at 12:20 PM on May 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

Perhaps something made with a bull scrotum?
posted by mr. digits at 12:59 PM on May 14, 2014

Since he likes college hoops, it might be appropriate to get a signed basketball (get it?!) from his favorite team. Or perhaps just a couple of these plus a bag of frozen vegetables.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2014

I've been through two (thank god minor) surgeries. You know what would make an awesome gift? Up his cable package to whatever he's interested in for, at the very least, the time he's recuperating / lounging around home. Get the MLB network, or HBO, or NHL network, whatever so that time spent sitting around doing not much can be more fun for him. The sports packages aren't cheap, but they're not killers to the budget and a few days watching movies / playoffs etc instead of flipping channels is pretty darn nice.
posted by efalk at 9:24 PM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Keychain made from a blank bullet?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:58 AM on May 15, 2014 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks to all of you for your suggestions! I ended up on Vistaprint, and found a graphic that I'm pretty sure is for a men's hair place, but it was too perfect to pass up.. So I got him a custom mug, a bottle opener keychain made from a bullet, and a bottle of fancy French wine, all pictured here.
posted by Fig at 8:42 AM on June 30, 2014 [1 favorite]

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