How to express love with Saturday Matinee clichés…
April 16, 2014 6:38 PM   Subscribe

In my (D/s) relationship saying “I love you” is totally out of the question. However, expressions of affection and adoration expressing that sentiment are allowed and highly encouraged. In old B&W movies of the 1930’s/40’s I hear phrases like: “In my eyes there’s no man taller” (about a vertically challenged suitor), and “You set the sun, hang the moon and paint the stars"... Sappy, sentimental, campy, corny, kinky (bonus points for kinkified!), and just plain funny phrases that will let someone know that they are "the only duck in my pond" are what I’m after.
posted by goml to Human Relations (18 answers total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
You're the Cats Meow!
You're the Bee's Knees!
You Jitter my Bug!
You're smoother than turpentine!
I'd storm any barn for you!
You're sweeter than a Charleston Chew!

or, and I realize you said no "I LOVE YOU's", but this is from an orginial 30's love card, store bought,

"I love you as a cow loves salt, if you don't love me, it ain't my fault."

I found that card in a fallen down house from the 30's, 25 years ago. It makes me crackle every time I say it.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 7:33 PM on April 16, 2014 [3 favorites]

You may like several of the lyrics from You're the Top by Cole Porter.
posted by mochapickle at 8:05 PM on April 16, 2014 [3 favorites]

"if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have any discipline at all."
posted by bruce at 8:13 PM on April 16, 2014 [11 favorites]

"How you turn my world, you precious thing."
posted by tomboko at 9:18 PM on April 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

I rather like "I'm rather fond of you" and "It is pleasurable to see you" in situations like this.
posted by joycehealy at 9:22 PM on April 16, 2014

You're the Top (obvs)
posted by ottereroticist at 11:00 PM on April 16, 2014

Surely someone, at some leather title competition or burlesque show, has done a kinky filk of Cole Porter's charming lyrics (indeed, they barely need it).

A quick Google turns up nothing. It's probably buried in some perv's LiveJournal.
posted by ottereroticist at 11:04 PM on April 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

I can't resist a quote. If you're going to steal, steal from the best.

You're the top!
You're an arrow collar
You're the top!
You're a Coolidge dollar,
You're the nimble tread
Of the feet of Fred Astaire,
You're an O'Neill drama,
You're Whistler's mama!
You're camembert.

You're a rose,
You're Inferno's Dante,
You're the nose
On the great Durante.
I'm just in the way,
As the French would say, "de trop".
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

posted by ottereroticist at 11:08 PM on April 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

my partner and I like "you're the apple of my eye!"
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 11:42 PM on April 16, 2014

My favourite:
"You're the still point of a turning world."
posted by DeadFlagBlues at 12:02 AM on April 17, 2014

"You get me hot under my collar"?
posted by Solomon at 1:05 AM on April 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

You're the cream in my coffee.

(Unless you drink it black, I guess.)
posted by daisyk at 3:28 AM on April 17, 2014

You're Schmoopie!
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 3:41 AM on April 17, 2014

I love you as a cow loves salt

I like this one. I've heard "I love you the way meat loves salt", but not the cow one. That's brilliant.

While these aren't direct from the Saturday matinee, some of these are older phrases, and some of these phrases are in that style:

* I love you like a fat lady loves apples.
* I love you like a fat kid loves cake (thank you, 50 Cent, for reviving that one)
* I love you like a bee loves honey
* I need you like a fish needs water
* Cute as a duck in a hat
* Prettier than a speckled pup in a red wagon
* Prettier than a mess of fried catfish
* Why, don’t you look prettier than a slice of butter on a pile of pancakes!
* You look so good I’m gonna take you home and sop you up with a biscuit.
posted by magstheaxe at 8:36 AM on April 17, 2014

A friend suggested: "You're the only charm on my bracelet".
posted by goml at 11:19 PM on April 17, 2014

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