Is there such a thing as a PG-13 version of Rocky Horror?
April 9, 2014 12:00 PM   Subscribe

Your stage experience has mostly been variations on the Vagina Monologues, political spoken word, or absurdly sexual burlesque. You secretly want to be Joan Jett. You're auditioning for something that asks for a monologue or song that is PG-13 at the most - what do you pick?

So there's a contest where the main prize is a shot at Broadway - I know my chances are super slim, but I love any excuse to perform, so I thought what the heck.

The application requires a short monologue or song about anything, but it has to be at the most PG-13 (I was told specifically no swearing if possible). This poses a problem, as most of my theater work has been rather NSFW in theme - hell my strongest performance is a deconstruction of the word Fuck. And then there's all the burlesque I've done, which is more political than sexual, but there's still nudity.

I do have a fair amount of spoken word poetry, which they said was fine, but I wanted to try my hand at something different - especially something musical, since I love singing and don't get to do that very often.

What pieces would be fun to explore for someone who's used to edgy sex-and-politics pieces and wants to be a rockstar, but is still relatively SFW? A friend pointed me to the direction of Joan Jett's turn as Colombia in Rocky Horror, which sounds ideal, though it's been a while since I've watched RHPS and would appreciate suggestions on apt pieces. Or any other suggestions, really.
posted by divabat to Media & Arts (13 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
"Wig in a Box" by Hedwig and the Angry Inch came to mind right away. Make sure you give it time to kick in.
posted by jbickers at 12:07 PM on April 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

Something from RENT would likely work. Maybe "Over The Moon", if it fits your vocal range?

There are also some nice songs in Spring Awakening, which is a bit more risque than RENT, but as long as you don't pick the song about masturbation or sexual abuse, you're probably fine. I'd probably go with "The Song Of Purple Summer", which is beautiful and sort of sensual, but not specifically adult. It's an ensemble song, but I'm sure there are solo arrangements out there.

You might also look into something from Cabaret -- Sally Bowles' songs are no more risque than your typical radio pop.
posted by Sara C. at 12:10 PM on April 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

Check out some of the choice bits in Caryl Churchill's Cloud Nine.
posted by Skot at 12:15 PM on April 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

What's your range? It'll be easier for folks to recommend songs if they know more about your voice.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:15 PM on April 9, 2014

Geez these days Rocky Horror is PG.

How about "I'm going home" ( Dr. Frank n Furter's finale? )
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:17 PM on April 9, 2014 [7 favorites]

Response by poster: mollymayhem: Alto.
posted by divabat at 12:17 PM on April 9, 2014

There are some great bits in "Blown Sideways Through Life" about the playwright working in an escort service, as the receptionist. It's not racy, but it's fun and bawdy.
posted by xingcat at 12:38 PM on April 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

What about old bawdy jazz tunes? If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It, or If I Can't Sell It, I'm Gonna Keep Sitting on It are two of many.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:54 PM on April 9, 2014

Bawdy jazz tunes brings to mind "Million Dollar Secret" by Helen Humes.
posted by jbickers at 1:04 PM on April 9, 2014

There's also the classic "Big Spender"
posted by Sara C. at 1:11 PM on April 9, 2014

Pretty much anything sung by Eartha Kitt is laced with innuendo, she's sung so much more than the overplayed "Santa Baby". She has a wonderfully playful and flirty way of singing which would I think would be fun to do in a more edgy manner.
posted by wwax at 1:17 PM on April 9, 2014

I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest "Special to Me," Phoenix's audition song from Phantom of the Paradise.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:58 PM on April 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: So I went the opposite tack with this - I took White Town's Your Woman and turned it into a monologue. It's closest in emotion to the deconstruction-of-the-word-Fuck piece I mentioned in the question, and it's one of my favourite songs ever, so this was fun to do.

Thanks you all, especially for the tip about Joan Jett in Rocky Horror!
posted by divabat at 2:23 PM on April 24, 2014

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