Looking for creative synonyms for baked goods
March 21, 2014 4:19 PM   Subscribe

Friend challenged me to a bake-off, need help with some good natured trash talking.

Neither of us know what the other person is baking, so I'm looking for as many baked goods synonyms you can think of as well as some fun barbs to toss. Many many thanks!!
posted by carnivoregiraffe to Writing & Language (21 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Wow! That almost looks edible!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 4:33 PM on March 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

From the sound of it, I'm thinking eating food is a pretty new thing for you?
posted by kmennie at 4:45 PM on March 21, 2014

Your cookies look like Snooki - over-browned and full of bad taste.
posted by benito.strauss at 5:00 PM on March 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Huh, look like you frosted that with a tire iron. Really creative.

What's that supposed to be? Banana bread. OOOOH. I thought it was a rock.
posted by bunderful at 5:06 PM on March 21, 2014

Is it supposed to look/taste like that?
posted by rhapsodie at 5:15 PM on March 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Not even Marie Antoinette would let them eat THAT cake!
posted by spiderskull at 5:21 PM on March 21, 2014 [5 favorites]

Is that a tart? No, my mistake, it's just your mother.

Tea and strumpets? You get your half, I'll bring the tea. (Dumb and Dumber reference?)

Is that a scone or a stone?

That royal icing needs to be overthrown!
posted by cmoj at 5:23 PM on March 21, 2014

Macaroons? More like sand dunes!
Macaroons? More like raccoons!

Are those your rookie cookies?
-OR if you're a nerd-
Looks like you tore a wookie's arm off to make those cookies!

Hey... I thought we said no Easy Bake Oven mixes.
posted by OrangeDisk at 5:25 PM on March 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

The [nearby hockey team] called -- they want their pucks back. (good for muffins, brownies, and cookies alike!)
posted by batter_my_heart at 11:01 PM on March 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sara Lee called; she wants her [X] back.

You know people are supposed to be able to eat that, right?

Hey, this is perfect! I need a new doorstop.

You're not planning on feeding that to people you like, are you?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 1:28 AM on March 22, 2014

Your macaroons would give Cookie Monster an identity crisis.
posted by JHarris at 1:36 AM on March 22, 2014

So I guess it's safe to assume that you don't, in fact, know the muffin man.
posted by JHarris at 1:47 AM on March 22, 2014

Your sweetcakes could use a little more sweet and a little less urinal.
posted by JHarris at 1:51 AM on March 22, 2014

Why they taste just like Aunt Petuna use to make. It's why they sent her to the home, you know.
posted by JHarris at 1:53 AM on March 22, 2014

Your chocolate frosting reminds me of something else, that has an unfortunate resemblance to chocolate.
posted by JHarris at 1:56 AM on March 22, 2014

"More like lemb-ASS!"
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:08 AM on March 22, 2014

It's like hardtack without the flavor.
posted by JHarris at 2:10 AM on March 22, 2014 [3 favorites]

How on earth did you manage to bake them freshly stale?
posted by JHarris at 4:25 AM on March 22, 2014

(I might be getting too malicious with these.)
posted by JHarris at 4:26 AM on March 22, 2014

Nah, too malicious would be "You call these cookies? More like [personal tragedy in your rival's life]!"
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:30 AM on March 22, 2014

"So, did Dunkin Donuts give you a bulk discount?"
posted by spiderskull at 12:42 PM on March 22, 2014

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