Who do you recommend I hire to help me achieve my goals?
January 25, 2014 4:10 PM   Subscribe

I have been seeing a Psychoanalytic Therapist for the last year. I have made great strides working with her and I deeply appreciate her support. Nevertheless, I feel like our main goal has been to understand my past and present. At this point in my life, I want to work with someone who can help me achieve "specific desired behavioral outcomes".

I was surfing the web earlier today and I came across a website named Noomi. It contains a directory of life coaches, relationship coaches, spiritual coaches, and a bunch of other kinds of coaches. I knew nothing about personal coaches but after reading more about them they sound like a viable alternative to therapy.

Should I work with a CBT Therapist, a Coach of some kind, or some other type of professional I haven't even thought of yet to help me achieve my goals? Some of you may be thinking why would I want to hire someone. I will give you a few reasons-
1. I feel like a good coach/therapist would be able to help me accomplish my goals faster.
2. I have been trying to accomplish some of the goals on my list for years and I have not made much headway.
3. I battle with non-committal and under-responsible adaptive behaviors.
4. I have never before written down goals and systematically worked towards completing them. Most of the time I keep my goals up in my head and just wing it.

Here is my question one more time: Who do you recommend I hire to help me achieve my goals?

I have a secondary question as well (if that's allowed): Do my goals appear balanced to you? Are there any goals not on my list that you think should be on my list based on the few things that you know about me?

I have included my goals in the Extended Explanation section as they seemed relevant to my question. :-) I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. It means a lot.

Lifestyle Goals
-I want to cook healthy meals on a regular basis.
-I want to be organized and stop letting so many areas of my life pile up with clutter, including but not limited to – laundry, dishes, emails, voice mails, paperwork, and text messages.
-I want to exercise on a regular basis.

Financial Goals
-I want to create a balanced budget and live within my means. Most of my discretionary income goes towards eating out at restaurants and paying for dates.
-I want to pay off my credit card debt
-I want to start saving money that I can put towards a down payment on a house.

Relationship Goals
-I want to build solid friendships with a couple guys that are fun, emotionally mature, and dependable.
-I want to speak more from the heart and not the mind. In other words, I want to be able to recognize and say what I feel and not say what I think other people want to hear.
-I want to find a committed girlfriend with the same primary love languages: "Physical Affection" and "Spending Quality Time Together".

Attitude Goals
-I want to build a very high level of self-worth & self-esteem.
-I want to stop esteeming myself based on what other people think of me, aka "People Pleasing".
-I want to feel content with myself whether or not I am in a relationship.
-I want to become an expert at recognizing my distorted thoughts and replacing them with more realistic thoughts, aka “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy”. The ultimate goal of course would be to have less distorted (negative) thoughts and more realistic (positive thoughts)

Spiritual Goals
-I want to feel spiritually whole, centered and connected. I am open to achieving this goal by attending church or not attending church. I am open to different religions/faiths.
posted by speedoavenger to Health & Fitness (8 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Best answer: This is very much what I got out of CBT, although it wasn't directed so much towards specific goals as basically my therapist asking what it was I wanted to do and then going through those things and working through how I could accomplish them. YMMV, but it's seemed to me that coaches are usually more expensive than therapists but, IMO, too focused on one or another thing when the reality is that when you have your head on straight, EVERYTHING works better. But it can take cranking through a bunch of therapists to find one who works well with you. Psychoanalysis and I do not get along, for example, at all, because the last thing I need is more help dwelling on things. But I've had more and less successful tries at CBT, too.

I think these all sound like good things, and I'd caution against adding too much to the list to start with. I'm prone myself to ending up with lists of goals that are so long that I find them overwhelming and then can't make real progress on any of them. A couple in each area seems like a good way to start.
posted by Sequence at 4:20 PM on January 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yes, this is why I also have a CB therapist. Life coaches are often extremely expensive and more like a cheerleader than a licensed, trained therapist, but YMMV there. If you are in SoCal I can recommend a set of CB therapists to you.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 4:35 PM on January 25, 2014

Thirding CBT for the excellent reasons listed above. Good luck!
posted by schroedingersgirl at 4:41 PM on January 25, 2014

I am a coach and a therapist. Broad strokes, coaching is an effective way to deal with surface dilemmas: How do I plan for… How do I deal with…. How can I organize…. Etc.

The therapeutic approach enables clients to get to the bottom of long standing behaviors / attitudes that are so entrenched that they seem to be an aspect of who they are… Sometimes we become so accustomed to these that we don’t even have hope that they can be altered. Some examples might be: Why do I always get nervous around.... Why do I get angry, impatient, or....

Looking at your list, it looks to me like most of the issues you highlight can probably be effectively addressed through coaching.
posted by elf27 at 4:41 PM on January 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I want to feel spiritually whole, centered and connected. I am open to achieving this goal by attending church or not attending church. I am open to different religions/faiths.

Just saw this. I highly recommend meditation or, better yet, a class that combines relaxing yoga with meditation. I used to think that kind of stuff was quackery, but I've found it to be great for making me feel "together" and centered. And the results have really trickled down into other aspects of my life, making it easier for me to achieve my personal lifestyle and attitude goals.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 4:43 PM on January 25, 2014

I don't know who you should see, however I've been trying to do some of the things you want to do lately so thought I'd tell you what's working for me in case it can help.

With regards to cooking healthy meals, I like cooking but don't always have the time or energy. So last weekend I roasted over a kilo of tomatos, dry fried over a kilo of mushrooms (I drained off any liquid and froze it to use as a base for a sauce) and caramelised six very large red onions. I then froze ten portions of the tomatos and mushrooms. The onions will keep in the fridge for at least a month. This way all the prep work is done, all you need to do is defrost the tomatos and mushrooms and they're ready to use. I've found it makes a huge difference as to the amount of veg I eat. As each package is equal to at least an 80g raw serving. So I get three portions of veg in just one pasta dish.

To make keeping places tidy stream line areas. Have catch all containers for things that don't have a home or are waiting to be put back. Get things off the worktops by using baskets on rails, bread bins to contain and hide things. This makes it easier to keep the work tops clean. Buy cleaning wipes as both my Mum and I have found they actually encourage us to clean. Buy a wooden dish stand (like this, then attach it to either inside a cupboard at the back or on the wall in a corner of a worktop. Then you can slide your cooling racks, baking trays and chopping boards into it. This stops them from sliding down and taking up room in the cupboard and makes them easier to get out.

If you've got an exercise bike you may be able to turn it into a desk. I did this with mine, now I can peddle away while I'm reading or typing on my computer.

As far as spirituality goes I found Sahaja Yoga is very good. It's a type of meditation not a form of exercise. There's websites about it that will tell you about it. There's one that has an online meditation you can follow.
posted by Ranting Prophet of DOOM! at 5:28 PM on January 25, 2014

Best answer: 4. I have never before written down goals and systematically worked towards completing them. Most of the time I keep my goals up in my head and just wing it.

In addition to therapy you might want to look at Getting Things Done. More info can also be found at www.davidco.com.

The premise of Getting Things Done is that you need to get all your "stuff" (anything that you need or want to do) out of your head and into a trusted system that you review regularly. The system hinges on regularly defining "next actions" for all your projects. The brilliance of the system is that once it is implemented you never have to waste time deliberating what to do next. Your next actions are already defined and the optimum next action to tackle at any given moment intuitively surfaces depending on your current context.

YMMV but it has made a big difference in my life.
posted by sockpup at 6:19 PM on January 25, 2014

I sent you memail.
posted by MonsieurBon at 4:42 PM on February 3, 2014

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