Him, Her & the Rabbit
January 21, 2014 11:41 AM   Subscribe

NSFW: Does the Rabbit exist in Argentina? Or is it considered an assault on Argentinean manhood? And if it is, how do Argentinean women get any ... satisfaction?

Writing on behalf of an Antipodean friend whose late-night rendez-vous ended with shocking suddenness. We're wondering if her Argentinean paramour's attitude toward sex toys is purely a matter of machismo, or an issue of lack of experience (the Argentinean is in his late 20's, and the Antipodean is a good bit older), or something else. But the real question is what to do about it; satisfaction (on the part of the Antipodean) was intended, but offense was not!

Anyway, here's the story:
I pulled out a vibrator with an Argentinean. He got very offended. He ended our six-week affair on the spot. I am confused. I know it offended his manhood because just before that he'd said that he wanted to spend the day with me, and that he was a little in love with me. The next thing I knew he was trying to throw it out the window, and then stalking out. What shall I do?

Any advice, insight, or thoughts are appreciated.

posted by Violet Blue to Society & Culture (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
This has nothing to do with him being Argentinean, and everything to do with him being insecure and/or an asshole. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:44 AM on January 21, 2014 [11 favorites]

I wouldn't say that this particular incident had as much to do with the guy's Argentinean nationality so much as it had to do with the fact that he sounds like he was a big jerk.

Some guys are just really, really threatened by vibrators because they think that it's a denigration of their manhood ("what, my dick isn't good enough for you all by itself?"). That's an international phenomenon, however; and fortunately, most guys get that "you know, watching a woman get off is still hot no matter how it happens".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:45 AM on January 21, 2014

Argentina is a country where the piropo is a (male) national sport. This consists of shouting at women in the street, making some sort of comment about her appearance. I'm told this can range from "Ay Mamita!" or "Que Hermosura!" to the less poetic "Ay, que tetas!" and much, much worse.

The men see these as compliments, and no amount of talk of harassment will convince them otherwise. It's their divine, god-given right as red-blooded males and the women like it - it's all part of the game.

It's a very sexist and macho society and image is everything and it's therefore no surprise that an Argentine male would behave in this way. I would imagine the damage has been done and that there would not be a way to undo the damage. My advice would be to chalk this one up to experience and move on.
posted by jontyjago at 12:17 PM on January 21, 2014 [2 favorites]

For the American take on male insecurity around women and vibrators see The Oh in Ohio.
posted by alms at 12:18 PM on January 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

This sort of thing happens all around the world and it boils down to sexual ego problems. Some partners take sex toys and even their partner touching themselves during sexual activity as a grave insult to their sexual skills. It's probably not worth trying to pursue anything further with someone who so dramatically places their own insecurity above the pleasure of their partner.
posted by quince at 12:50 PM on January 21, 2014

I am not an expert on Latin American sexual mores, but a close (and entirely platonic, I must add) female friend of mine married a Mexican guy a couple of years ago and I have not seen her since. She says the notion of her and me meeting for lunch cause "a huge cultural earthquake" when she suggested it. He decrees it is only proper that she and I can meet only if accompanied by our respective spouses; my gf, for her part, has no use for guys like this and has zero interest in meeting him, so it seems a good friend and I will never see each other again. So it goes.

I know that is tangential to your question, but my female friends' after-action reports suggest a strong correlation between jealous, insecure, controlling men and men who are threatened by vibrators. Make of that what you will.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:10 PM on January 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

I can't speak to this definitively, but I have an Argie friend, 27 years old, met an American girls and she demanded he go downtown. He had never done it before and he did it, but not before he asked us North Americans about it and if it was necessary. It seemed pretty normal to him to not do it. I also know my friend was also very proud of not manscaping down there. I'd say there is a fair amount of machismo involved here.

You can read more about vibrators in the local Argentine paper, la nacion.

You also have to understand the chamuyero (player). Argentine guys are sometimes said to have a good "chamuyo", meaning they will say whatever it takes to get or keep a lady around.
posted by Che boludo! at 1:19 PM on January 21, 2014

And if it is, how do Argentinean women get any ... satisfaction?

Some people hide their own sex toys from their partners.

Also, chiming in that this is not a nationality-based phenomena.

What shall I do?

How lucky that you have found out what this person was like before you got more involved with them!

You should celebrate. Perhaps in the company of friends, or rabbits, your preference.
posted by yohko at 1:40 PM on January 21, 2014 [2 favorites]

What shall I do?

Delete his number, or rename the contact "DO NOT ANSWER" in your phone's address book.

Set up any emails from him to go directly to trash.

Do not see him again.

Begin dating other people. Find a partner who is happy to see you get off regardless of the method.

Buy a new rabbit to celebrate.
posted by bunderful at 2:44 PM on January 21, 2014

Violet Blue: "NSFW: Does the Rabbit exist in Argentina? Or is it considered an assault on Argentinean manhood? And if it is, how do Argentinean women get any ... satisfaction?"

Fingers? Tongues? Intercourse?

Vibrators are not actually necessary nor mandatory for sexual pleasure (or better). And I'd certainly want a partner giving me at least something of a heads up if they're intending on introducing new stuff in bed (be it technique or tool - technique is easier to discuss during the act, toys less so).

In any case, I've heard about Antipodean men pulling this sort of shit ("you've got me, so throw those things away") so I don't know if it's strictly tied to nationalistic notions of masculinity or if it's got slightly different manifestations/'reasons'.
posted by geek anachronism at 7:29 PM on January 21, 2014 [5 favorites]

Sound like he wasn't a good fit. I don't know if he was an asshole, or what, but I figure sex is about both (or all) those who are participating, and the repertoire would be more or less what everyone thinks might be a good idea.

I've not been much interested in toys during sex, but I've not been sent screaming from the room when a vibrator was pulled out of the nightstand. I believe a certain amount of specificity is in order, and I usually tried to be open-minded regarding taste. I can imagine certain requests that would turn out to be (for me) deal-breakers--whips and gags, for example--so it might be a good idea to not try to generalize about his taste regarding vibrators.

Ah, but, delving into the archives of my memories, I remember a sweet lass who used to ask me to bite her earlobe just so, at just the right time. It never entered my mind to feel threatened (like, what?--my penis won't ring your bell?)....I loved to hear those little noises she made, and I believe I would have nibbled on any part of her body she asked me to if it meant hearing them.

Anyhow, this seems to be one of those "oh well" moments. Be relieved that you don't have to sort him out any more than you already have.
posted by mule98J at 10:03 AM on January 22, 2014

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