How to Platonically Ask a Guy Out
December 15, 2013 6:06 AM   Subscribe

There's a guy I'm interested in getting to know better as a friend (and it's strictly as a friend, because he has a girlfriend). But I have various concerns. A whole nor'easter worth of details inside.

For the past month or so, I've been talking to this guy in an activity that I participate in. Initially, I had a crush on him and that's why I started talking to him. I found out that he had a girlfriend, who I've since met briefly a couple of times. She seems nice, even though we've only spoken to each other once. I've since gotten over him in that way.

The guy and I have a few common interests in addition to the activity that we do, and we also live in the same neighborhood so I've bumped into him from time to time while running errands. He also seems like a nice guy and as far as I know, he doesn't mind me talking to him. I'm really socially awkward and also phenomenally bad at reading people, but he asks me questions, and his body language seems to check out. I'm still not entirely sure though, since I sometimes have a feeling (and my therapist seems to agree) based on certain mannerisms/things that he's said that he may be a little socially awkward himself. So, I think he's a nice guy, but it's entirely possible that he only comes off that way, but only really talks to me because he's just trying to be nice and/or he feels sorry for me.

To get to the point: I'd like to get to know this guy a little better. He's nice (or seems to be), and we have a lot of the same interests, and I've never had a straight guy friend before and I'd like to change that. My therapist has told me about how hanging out with someone is the best way to get to know them, etc. But I'm wondering if it's too soon in the friendship to ask him to hang out, and then it's a catch-22: in order to get to know him better I need to hang out with him outside the activity, but in order to ask him to hang out I feel I need to know him better.

But I literally do not know how to ask him to hang out. Like, I don't even know what to say. I don't even have his contact information. I have these cards that I give to people with my email address and phone number, and I'd like to give one to him as a precursor to asking him to hang. I've thought about then saying, "We should hang out," but my therapist says that sounds almost like a command and thinks I should say, "I'd like to hang out sometime." However, I think that sounds more like a date, and the idea of asking him that way makes me nervous.

The fact that he has a girlfriend complicates things (or it may not-- I could be just overthinking this) because I don't know how to make it seem like it would be a platonic thing without basically saying it outright. I don't have a significant other that I can mention, nor do I want to make up one. I've heard horror stories about girlfriends not taking too kindly to their boyfriends having female friends and meeting up with them. Something like that happened to me while in high school and it kind of scared me off being friends with a guy with a girlfriend for a really long time. Also, I'm wondering if he may suspect that I had a crush on him-- I've been told by other people that sometimes I inadvertently give stuff like that away. What exactly they meant by that I do not know.

What also complicates this is that after New Year's, there will be a change in the scheduling of our activity, so there is a possibility that after the holidays I'll see him less, and a greater chance that when I do see him he will be with his girlfriend. I do plan to tell him she can come and hang out with us, but I don't do well in groups of three in general-- I've found that in those situations, even platonic ones, there's usually a third wheel, and it's almost always me, so I don't want to be forced into inviting her. Therefore, I'd rather do it when he's alone.

This is frustrating and anxiety inducing-- I've actually asked people (mostly girls) to hang out before with none of this, believe it or not. I want to hang out with him, but I'm scared that he'll say no or be mean or weird towards me in our activity. It sucks not being able to read people. It's also sad because then I feel like I'll never have a straight guy friend. What should I do, AskMe? How do I ask out a guy platonically?
posted by Puck Soppet to Human Relations (33 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Ask him if he and his girlfriend would like to hang out with you (and some friends maybe, just to make it even less date-like) at an activity. Gets the message across that you like him as a friend and if you like him, you'll probably like the girlfriend too.
posted by xingcat at 6:09 AM on December 15, 2013 [16 favorites]

"Hey, with the scheduling change, we maybe might see each other less at #activity. Here's my contact details [hand over card] if you want to hang out; maybe do something with your girlfriend? I'd love to meet her."
posted by DarlingBri at 6:09 AM on December 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

It sounds like you have had past difficulties in navigating social relationships. Building a friendship with someone takes skill, but building a friendship with someone you have had a recent crush on - when there is the possibility of misconstrued signals between you, him, and his girlfriend, requires a whole 'nother level of skill. I think it would be better in the long run (and more likely to result in a mutually fulfilling friendship) to focus building your basic social skills and revisit building a friendship with your former crush after a few months of confidence in your new social skills
posted by saucysault at 6:15 AM on December 15, 2013 [22 favorites]

As a guy, if a woman wanted to hang out with me but wanted to make crystal clear it was platonic, her inviting my significant other along would be key. "Hey, I'd like to hang out with you and [girlfriend] sometime" would be clearly platonic, while "I'd like to hang out with you" could wind up being misconstrued.

What would be really ideal in this kind of situation would be some socialization involving at least two other people from the activity you're involved with. Four or five people hanging out at some socialization-friendly place like a bar or restaurant is pretty harmless, especially if you wind up with a good gender mix (i.e. not one guy and four women). Pretty much right after your activity is the best time to do that.

The other question is your other shared interests. Being able to indulge them in a non-one on one environment would be a good way to get to the point where you're clearly a friend as a friend and not trying to be a romantic interest.
posted by graymouser at 6:30 AM on December 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

There's no way to go straight from where you are, to hanging out with this guy sans girlfriend, without him and/or his girlfriend thinking you want to get in his pants.

It's possible that you could get there VIA getting to know the girlfriend; which you've said sounds like too much hard work. I don't think you can avoid it though. How about finding something the three of you can do that doesn't involve much socialising (local comedy night? see a film?) so that you can get to know them together as a couple? Once you are more comfortable with her, you might find you're happy socialising with them both anyway.
posted by emilyw at 6:49 AM on December 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

This reads as bullshitty to me because the only way to do this on the up and up is invite him and his girlfriend to do something, but you've cut that option off.

Also, you're just WAY overthinking this. He lives in your neighborhood, so you're going to see him around. It's not like after the schedule change happens one of you is moving to Guam or someplace equally remote!

If you can't or won't accept him and his girlfriend as a package deal, this is not a relationship you should pursue.

posted by jbenben at 7:10 AM on December 15, 2013 [30 favorites]

Why not just "want to get coffee/tea/a drink after activity today?" Then when you're out with him, tell him what you told us -- "I'd like to hang out more, you know, in a platonic way."
posted by transient at 7:25 AM on December 15, 2013

Do you have any other friends? Get all of your friends together for a group thing and ask him (and preferably his girlfriend) along.
posted by sparklemotion at 7:26 AM on December 15, 2013

Making a specific effort to hang out with him without his girlfriend would likely set off alarms for him and/or his girlfriend. This would make it much less likely that you'd be able to build a real friendship with him.

People make time to hang out one-on-one with friends without their SO's around, including friends of their preferred-for-dating gender. If you become good friends with this guy, I'm sure you'll be able to spend time with him without her around at least occasionally. But you aren't there yet.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 7:29 AM on December 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

The girlfriend has to be included. They're together, they're a package, and if you don't like that package deal then you should find some other guy to be "friends" with. If three is awkward and that triggers your anxiety too much, go for a larger group -- invite both them and others.

If you try to exclude the girlfriend, even if you use the word platonic, they're going to think (perhaps correctly?) that you want to get in his pants.
posted by J. Wilson at 7:31 AM on December 15, 2013 [12 favorites]

Will give this a go as a person who participates in hobbies that primarily include men, as an extremely socially awkward person (and will probably be this way until I die), and as a person who only recently learned in the past few years how to invite people to do things.

You don't say what your hobby is, so I will use that I've done to invite groups (cycling). But whatever your hobby is, I'm assuming you know the level and know a group of people. Get other people's contact info, too (and you can say I want to get a small group of people together to do a ride - invite people you like and whatever size group that you feel comfortable with). Now use your friend email and contact the whole group: I'd like to do activity X on day X or this weekend). This is how it can start, every week or every month you do activity X with the same group of people. But the email component is what can take away the anxiety on your side/and if thy want to get out, on thir side.

If your group eventually decided to get together for a celebratory lunch or dinner for person's B-day, whatever, invite the SOs.

Also, the card thing is great. You can say something at the end along the lines of "Oh, I was hoping to see if you wanted to do hobby X (go on a bike ride) or hobby Y (listen to a lecture about other hobby) - specific activities related to interest. If you would like my contact info to try to do that sometime with a small group, here is my card."

If you haven't done it (you mention knowing his other interest), talk about your other interests and things that you like to do/groups that you are looking for. It gives him a window to point to a group and/or invite you along to an activity.

On preview: I've gotten this to work with lots of pple without their SOs, because they often do not want to do hobby X.

Also for your OP, your stress may be because you see this as your only option to make a friend. Not necessarily. There are lots of people out there. It may not be this guy, but it ma be guy A, B, C, or whatever, instead that you make friends with. So don't view the world as limiting, but as more infinite. Evrything doesn't rest on this one potential friendship or that's it.

Also, if you are not that skilled at inviting other people yet, you may want to look into Meetup groups. Ive had men, some single, some in relationships, invite me to other activities based on showing up to an event and interacting.So you can learn how to make friends in this way from other people and your goal: make a male friend, is met.

I just reread this in your question: I feel like I'll never have a straight guy friend

Why does the guy have to be straight? It seems like it could be limiting and these kind of invites (ie you are straight, the guy is gay) is even easier IMO because there is a lower chance of sending the wrong signal. All the same skills are involved in the invite for platonic activities and friendships, too.

Good luck.
posted by Wolfster at 7:32 AM on December 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yeah, my partner wouldn't go hang out with random other girl doing hobby x unless I was too busy or completely lacked interest in hobby x and Mr Ju had no one else to accompany him. If another lady sought him out to be Mr Ju's special buddy, I think Mr Ju would find it odd. We're a team and I believe that's how most couples operate.

We totally hang out/have gone on holidays with "third wheels" (or as we like to call them "friends"). It's never awkward unless that person goes on and on about being single (then we try and be supportive friends and discuss their unhappiness, or drink with it if that's what they need), we try our hardest not to be coupley to exclude friend. You'd have to be our friend to judge how successful we are at that.

Anyway, you don't get to make buddy buddies with attached dudes who you used to have a crush on. You're human afterall. Of course if you're interested in making friends more generally you include dude and his girlfriend, that's cool.

I have very dear attached and unattached dude friends. We don't have special alone time unless Mr Ju can't/doesn't want to come and Mrs Dude Friend is in the same situation. Doesn't mean our special bond is weaker, just means that we come in teams now and we embrace each other's team.

If you want to get to know this dude you need to embrace his team too.
posted by jujulalia at 7:53 AM on December 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

I would make sure there are other people there when you are hanging out, one on one unless you know them well doesn't say 'platonic' to me.
posted by TheAdamist at 7:57 AM on December 15, 2013

The other two people being an established couple actually makes it much less likely that you will be a third wheel. These people are together, they see each other all the time, the chances of them being distracted by each other are slim. You'll be the new exciting one!

"I want to spend time with you" can easily be read as platonic. "I want to spend time with you and it has to be alone" -- much harder. That's where your problem is. Spending some time with his girlfriend, even if it's not very comfortable for you, is just what you have to do to demonstrate that your intentions really are what they are.
posted by ostro at 8:13 AM on December 15, 2013 [7 favorites]

I have women friends and my wife has man friends and we trust each other. But there's no way you make a one on one invite unless it's a very specific and limited by necessity thing. And even then a lot of people would be put off by it.

The only way I see It happening and not being skeezy is if it a just-happens to be happening right after your current meeting. I'm getting a burger, want to join? And even then I think you have to say "is your gf free, want to call her and ask her to join us?"

Two on one is hard sometimes, I know. But sometimes it makes it even easier - maybe you can just watch & listen to them to get to know them better. Besides, he seems cool and they're together - maybe that means she'd be someone you'd like too.
posted by phearlez at 8:14 AM on December 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Well, if you just had a crush on him, and you start to hang out with him one on one and that really goes well, the likelihood of you developing a crush on him again (or some crush like variant) seems pretty high. Complications will ensue.

If you have to hang out with him, do it with his partner around. Otherwise you are likely to create complications for him in his relationships, and that is not being a friend to anyone.

kind regards
posted by jcworth at 8:30 AM on December 15, 2013 [10 favorites]

Two things:

1. Instead of inviting him to "hang out" sometime, invite him and the gf to a specific activity - a movie, something related to your hobby, whatever you'd like to do with him (and possibly her). No matter how you phrase it, asking someone to "hang out" sort of puts it on them to respond with a specific activity suggestion, and to me that has the potential to read more like something you'd ask somebody you were romantically interested in as a way of seeing if they are interested enough to follow through.

2. Like most of the previous commenters, I would agree that you're correct that you need to invite the girlfriend along, too - HOWEVER! I'd encourage you to think of the long-game here. Right now neither of them really know what your intentions are, so it seems reasonable that you'd need to invite along the girlfriend as a sign of your platonic intent. If you guys all hang out for a while, you'll have a chance to get to know one another better and she'll be able to see that you're only interested in being friends. Once/if you reach this stage, you should have more leeway to invite just the guy out from time to time, at least to things the girlfriend wouldn't be interested in doing - and heck, it's possible that by that point you'll actually like the girlfriend enough to want her along anyway.

Of course, that last point assumes you genuinely are interested in just being platonic friends - if your crush hasn't really gone away and you're all semi-flirty around this guy then all bets are off and you'd really do well to leave them both alone for now. Speaking as a lady who has had many close, straight guy friends (granted, I'm gay but this goes back to before I was really out or even fully aware of this myself), it is totally possible for you to do this IF you treat the partner like a potential friend and NOT an obstacle or threat.
posted by DingoMutt at 8:54 AM on December 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Um....I honestly think you might be better off not pursuing this. You had a crush on him, and the only reason you say you don't any more is because he has a girlfriend. While I concur with you that that's usually a major buzzkill with me as well, I think hanging out with him more will only fuel the crush/bring it back again. You are not exactly 100% platonic about him or cool with hanging out as a threesome as is. And I do think that yes, it'll be obvious that you have a crush on him if it continues. The "I'm just here platonically hanging with a guy with a girlfriend" dance is hard enough to pull off if you actually ARE platonic,, you're not really.

You may want to have a straight guy friend, but I kinda think that you might want to try that with someone that you have never had crushy feelings on in the first place. Say hi to the fellow when you see him around the neighborhood and chat with him at group all you like, but I honestly can't think of a way you can "ask him out" without this getting weirder and more awkward and into crush territory right now.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:14 AM on December 15, 2013 [20 favorites]

There's pretty much no way going forward, whether you've had, currently have, or have never had a crush on him, to attempt to spend more time with him without it being read as non-platonic interest.

The fact that you've met the girlfriend and so know he has one would just up the "yes, she's a poacher" scale... and make the girlfriend less likely to want anything to do with you.

If it were me and my partner... I'd want you to leave us the heck alone.

**About the only time the whole guy/girl as friends doesn't come off as sketchy is when the friendship predates the relationship - and usually only works well when it goes clear back to at least high school, if not childhood, friends.
posted by stormyteal at 11:22 AM on December 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

Guy and girlfriend get to set their own boundaries on their relationship. Be sensitive to whether the guy accepts offers of a deeper friendship or rejects them, don't hide anything, but at the same time don't feel obliged to invite the girlfriend.

Some relationships work one on one, some are group things, and you don't know the parameters of this guy's relationship (and neither do we). So ask him to do something platonic, and listen to his response.
posted by zippy at 11:45 AM on December 15, 2013

... but seconding what other people say about crushes. If you've got even a glimmer of a hint of a crush, I'd recommend not pursuing this relationship.
posted by zippy at 11:47 AM on December 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

It can sometimes be tricky to be "very special friends (of each other's preferred gender) who hang out alone" without flirtation or sexual tension developing on one person's side or another. It is almost impossibly tricky if this is someone you once had a crush on! I don't know about anyone else, but I avoid putting myself into one on one situations with anyone when I feel that tension could evolve, unless we're both single. With you, those feelings seem to have already arisen, so if I were him, I would not hang out with you alone. I agree that you should probably let this one cool off until you're past feelings of wanting to be alone with him.

But if these feelings really have cooled, then I agree that inviting his girlfriend is essential for signaling your intentions and also for building a real friendship with him. She is a significant part of his life (I'm assuming), so any friendship that excludes her is not getting the full picture and not connected to his real life.
posted by salvia at 11:51 AM on December 15, 2013

For the past month or so, I've been talking to this guy in an activity that I participate in. Initially, I had a crush on him and that's why I started talking to him. I found out that he had a girlfriend, who I've since met briefly a couple of times. She seems nice, even though we've only spoken to each other once. I've since gotten over him in that way.

This describes my first relationship with Mr. Capri. Perhaps that colors my view of your question, but I think you're not being genuine with yourself regarding what you really want. I think you shouldn't pursue this friendship until he's single, even if that means maybe losing the opportunity to. And just inviting his GF won't make things better; it'll make things worse, because she'll be even more likely than he is to pick up on your true feelings.
posted by Capri at 11:54 AM on December 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

My boyfriend and I even hang out with our single guy friends, who are more his friends than mine, together. (Not always, but very frequently.) It's just normal for couples to do that and if they're not rude they'll both focus on you instead of on each other. Or, they might be rude, and then you don't have to hang out with them anymore. Voila.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:59 AM on December 15, 2013

Oh geez.. sorry but from your tone and language I just don't believe, at all, that you're over your crush on this guy.. That you aren't trying to enter this friendship with him (but not his current girlfriend) as a precursor to the chance of it becoming "something more", GF be damned. I think your friends are right.. you inadvertantly give it away in your post, so I'm sure the guy as well as his GF will be able to read it off you as well. Sounds like a recipe for trouble to me.

If I'm wrong and you are totally over this guy, it shouldn't be that big a deal to hang out with both him and his girlfriend in a social, platonic setting. Invite them both to a fun pub or something after your activity one evening. I all but assure you they won't ignore you and only talk amongst each other, unless they are complete weirdos.

It's also sad because then I feel like I'll never have a straight guy friend

This is a really weird thing to say. I don't think it's healthy to pursue friends based on what junk they have and where (you assume) they like to put it. What if it turns out he's bi?

You seem young, you've got plenty of life left ahead of you through which you will have the opportunity to make friends with unique, individual people from all walks of life. I assure you, this is not your only shot at "friendship with straight male", but I'm just saying don't have that of all things as an end goal. Befriend people, don't collect "types of friends". Right now it sounds like you're trying to fill a quota. If that's all this is, there are plenty of other straight guys in this world that you could befriend platonically that would be a heck of a lot less drama than this particular guy.
posted by wats at 12:55 PM on December 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

If you want to hang out with him, just ask him to meet for lunch or a coffee. Don't ask his girlfriend (weird), and don't specify that it's platonic (rude).

If he has any worries about whether you're coming onto him, he'll either say no or politely drop comments about his girlfriend into conversation. If he has issues about having opposite sex friends while in a relationship, he'll say no.

If he mentions the girlfriend, then you ask some polite questions about how they met, or whatever and it makes it clear you know it's a friend date too. And then everything goes on nicely.

I'm female & strongly prefer male friends, so I have to do this little dance sometimes. Sometimes you get knocked back politely, and sometimes you don't. You have to have a bit of tolerance for awkwardness if these are the kinds of friendships you want, and not mind the possibility of your intentions being ambiguous for the first little while. If someone finds you interesting and wants to be friends, they'll persevere through it too.
posted by JeanDupont at 2:04 PM on December 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

I guess to me it sounds like it would be a very good idea to look closely and honestly at what your intentions are here. Is it possible that having formerly had a crush on this man is related to why you want to have a friendship with him? If not, why not put all of this energy into befriending someone with whom it wouldn't be overly complicated to figure this all out. E.g. Someone of a gender which you are not attracted to. Or someone you didn't used to have a crush on. Or someone single (if of the opposite gender).

With all your analysis of everything, it sounds like you are figuring out how to initiate a "friendship for beginners" or something. Which is fine. If you have social anxiety it is a good thing to think about how to put yourself out there and reach out to people.

I can't totally wrap my head around why you are longing for a "straight guy friend" in particular (versus just "a friend" or "a boyfriend" if that's what you want), but you should know that if that's what you're really hankering for, there's no shortage of interesting, nice *single* guys milling around, with whom you could become friends without any third wheel weirdness happening.

There's a reason couples tend to hang out with other couples. Maybe save his contact information and go on a double date with him down the road if/when you meet someone.
posted by mermily at 4:17 PM on December 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

I've never had a straight guy friend before and I'd like to change that.

This statement almost makes it sound like befriending this guy is a therapy-assignment or something. Why do you feel the need to force the issue of having a token straight-dude as a friend? If that comes to pass through ongoing contact with this guy in your shared activity, then cool. If not, why stress it? There are tubs of hetero dudes you can befriend. No need to get fixated on this one guy. It somehow seems a little disrespectful and objectifying to me.
posted by nacho fries at 4:29 PM on December 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

I'd try to find another indirect way to indicate that you're probably thinking platonically than to automatically ask his girlfriend along. The fact that couples seem to automatically come in pairs as if they are not two separate people is the most annoying and silly custom in the world. Like I said, you just have to come up with a phrase to indicate this, you don't have to be put in the situation of saying it outright. Then it's his turn to say something in response to clarify what he thinks you meant, etc, etc. This understanding of the platonic aspect can somehow come out of a little back and forth (meaning never becoming explicit), therefore it doesn't have to be all on you. It's also his responsibility to find out what you are implying by the invitation. As long as it's not obviously a "date" you're asking for, hopefully he won't reject the invitation outright and he'll understand you just want to hang out.
posted by Blitz at 7:16 PM on December 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Adding to JeanDupont - And if he's a cheater or inclined at all in that direction, he'll take you up on it either with no or token hesitation. And then it's Congrats! you've set yourself up for misery... and people are a lot less likely to be sympathetic when 1) you're the other woman, and 2) you knew it from the beginning.

Really, it's not worth going there, no matter how many ways you rationalize it.
posted by stormyteal at 7:58 PM on December 15, 2013

Sorry, but your argument about wanting a 'straight guy friend' sounds totally disingenuous to me. I would not want you hanging out with my boyfriend under this guise of a platonic friendship, especially if you made a point of excluding me.

If you really want a straight guy friend you will probably have more success letting a friendship happen naturally with someone who you have not had a recent crush on, rather than pursuing some hapless guy with a girlfriend by asking him out on a 'platonic date'. To me this just sounds like a really lame way of trying to steal someone's boyfriend.
posted by RubyScarlet at 3:04 AM on December 16, 2013 [3 favorites]

Double date!
posted by oceanjesse at 6:23 AM on December 16, 2013

Wait, you've only known this guy a month? And you've crushed on him, met his girlfriend, and gotten over the crush in the span of four weeks?

That's... a really short time to both crush on someone and to be completely over the crush. In fact, it's a phenomenally short time.

As others have said, I'd try and touch on your true motivations for wanting this friendship. It smacks of denial, to me. Kind of like, 'aw, well he has a girlfriend. THAT was disappointing. I can't date him, but I wouldn't want to lose touch with him because he seems so awesome, so I'd be pretty happy being his friend.' -- This is something that people with crushes tell themselves when pursuing friendship with someone unavailable, and it's almost always a lie. And only one person loses out when you lie to yourself.

If you're doing 'activity' together, surely there are other people (guys?) in this shared activity you can befriend instead? But again as others have said-- why does it matter that it be someone both straight AND male? What if he were gay? What if you instead said, "It's sad because I feel like I'll never have a gay male friend!"

Thing is, that's not how making friends works. If it were me, I'd want someone to be my friend because they like me, not because they're short on straight female friends and they wanna collect me like I'm a Pokemon. Surely, having a good friend-- a true friend-- regardless of gender, or sexual orientation, or race, is more important than looking at friends in term of what they are, or what label they fall under.

'It'll be awkward!' Is no real excuse to not want his girlfriend there-- it's always awkward when you don't know someone, until you do. It's already awkward between the both of you, because of the same reason. The third wheel sensation is always because two people know each other better than the third know each of them. That goes away. Eventually, it'll not be awkward. You may even hit it off better with her. So why the reluctance?

Ask yourself what you really want. If it was a woman, would you pursue friendship? If this guy was uncute or not your type, would you still wanna hang out with him? Would it still make you sad to not be his friend?

What I think?

It's not 'sad because I feel like I'll never have a straight guy friend!' it's actually sad because you liked him, and he has a girlfriend and wasn't available. That sucks-- it really sucks, and I get it-- and I'm sorry. But, believe me when I say that the best thing you can do-- for you-- is to forget this guy and pursue someone more available in general.
posted by Dimes at 3:42 PM on December 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

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