Help me learn to daydream again
November 29, 2013 9:14 AM Subscribe
As a kid I loved to make up stories and fantasies. Now, 22 years old and almost out of college, I realized that I can't do this anymore, can't let my mind go where it will. How can I learn to?
A little more about me: In college I mostly took technical classes: math, science, and programming. I like to concentrate on details and can be a terrible perfectionist. I'm always better and more comfortable with structured thinking and problem solving, though I wish I were better at less structured thinking.
Creative life: After a few years of classical piano lessons, I'm trying to learn to play by ear, and play what I hear in my head - it's a big challenge. I draw realistically sometimes but I can't just doodle or draw things from my head without constantly feeling like it's coming out terribly. I took a class in writing short stories last year and every minute of it was like pulling teeth - so many choices, so many ways to go wrong!
I also have trouble falling asleep (it's been on and off my whole life, mostly on), and one part of this is that sometimes when I'm just stepping through the gate into dreamland, another part of my mind will go, "Hey! These thoughts don't make any sense! You're falling apart!" and yank me back awake. This gets worse when I'm feeling anxious.
This might also be related: I'm graduating soon with no idea what to do next, and I find myself just completely unable to imagine what I'd like to do, unable to visualize different jobs or goals or anything.
So, I would really appreciate personal experiences or thoughts, as well as suggestions on how to explore daydreaming and freer thinking in general. Thanks, from a first-time poster but longtime AskMeFi reader!
A little more about me: In college I mostly took technical classes: math, science, and programming. I like to concentrate on details and can be a terrible perfectionist. I'm always better and more comfortable with structured thinking and problem solving, though I wish I were better at less structured thinking.
Creative life: After a few years of classical piano lessons, I'm trying to learn to play by ear, and play what I hear in my head - it's a big challenge. I draw realistically sometimes but I can't just doodle or draw things from my head without constantly feeling like it's coming out terribly. I took a class in writing short stories last year and every minute of it was like pulling teeth - so many choices, so many ways to go wrong!
I also have trouble falling asleep (it's been on and off my whole life, mostly on), and one part of this is that sometimes when I'm just stepping through the gate into dreamland, another part of my mind will go, "Hey! These thoughts don't make any sense! You're falling apart!" and yank me back awake. This gets worse when I'm feeling anxious.
This might also be related: I'm graduating soon with no idea what to do next, and I find myself just completely unable to imagine what I'd like to do, unable to visualize different jobs or goals or anything.
So, I would really appreciate personal experiences or thoughts, as well as suggestions on how to explore daydreaming and freer thinking in general. Thanks, from a first-time poster but longtime AskMeFi reader!
I've had some of the same struggles. I think it might be natural - as you get older, your taste becomes more discerning. I connect it to how I used to read just about any paperback fantasy novel of just about any quality (or lack thereof), whereas now I'm a lot more narrow about what I like.
The trick for you might be working on removing that filter telling you it's "coming out terribly," "doesn't make any sense," or is "going wrong." You need said filter for revisions and quality control, but it really is the enemy of creativity and just making stuff up. If you're telling yourself your raw ideas are bad as fast as you can come up with them, you're cutting yourself off at the source. When you were young, your sense of high- or low-quality was probably not as developed, so you judged yourself less.
Try experimenting with thinking: any idea is better than no idea at all. A shitty, horrible, stupid and wrong idea is better than no idea at all. Write down whatever nonsensical, unfiltered, "bad" stuff is in your head, in as stream-of-consciousness a way as you can. It will probably not flow at first, and feel embarrassing and weird. That is okay. Embrace it! Later on you can bust out the quality control if you choose to. Just let it be bad for a little while. 750words.com is a great tool for this - it specifically encourages you to "write whatever comes to mind" and not worry too much about it.
I was also going to make the same Ira Glass recommendation. That idea has been lifesaving for me. If you watch the whole video, he goes on to (hilariously) critique a radio piece he did when he was young.
(I am also a first-time poster, longtime reader. Hi!)
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 10:13 AM on November 29, 2013 [5 favorites]
The trick for you might be working on removing that filter telling you it's "coming out terribly," "doesn't make any sense," or is "going wrong." You need said filter for revisions and quality control, but it really is the enemy of creativity and just making stuff up. If you're telling yourself your raw ideas are bad as fast as you can come up with them, you're cutting yourself off at the source. When you were young, your sense of high- or low-quality was probably not as developed, so you judged yourself less.
Try experimenting with thinking: any idea is better than no idea at all. A shitty, horrible, stupid and wrong idea is better than no idea at all. Write down whatever nonsensical, unfiltered, "bad" stuff is in your head, in as stream-of-consciousness a way as you can. It will probably not flow at first, and feel embarrassing and weird. That is okay. Embrace it! Later on you can bust out the quality control if you choose to. Just let it be bad for a little while. 750words.com is a great tool for this - it specifically encourages you to "write whatever comes to mind" and not worry too much about it.
I was also going to make the same Ira Glass recommendation. That idea has been lifesaving for me. If you watch the whole video, he goes on to (hilariously) critique a radio piece he did when he was young.
(I am also a first-time poster, longtime reader. Hi!)
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 10:13 AM on November 29, 2013 [5 favorites]
Things that work for me: showers, long walks, ambient music (Brian Eno is my go-to noisemaker), and games that require some thought but that are mostly about finding patterns - which in my case currently involve crossword puzzles and (to my shame) Candy Crush.
I need these daydream times, and I have always found refuge inside my head, but it has gotten harder and harder to shut off that part of my brain that wants to dwell on real world issues. Hard exercise makes me focus on trying not to die. TV shows, books, movies, or music with lyrics require me to acknowledge and make sense of narrative. Unstructured thought time - like trying to fall asleep - is the worst. But I find that if I can trick my brain into thinking that I am actually accomplishing a defined task or following a structure, without actually having to devote much mental power to whatever I'm doing, then it will leave me alone so I can indulge in whatever alternate thought process I wish.
Once you get good at it, meditation is wonderful as well, although much of the resulting daydream in is not always that coherent. You might like the Meditation Oasis podcasts as a place to start.
posted by bibliowench at 10:30 AM on November 29, 2013
I need these daydream times, and I have always found refuge inside my head, but it has gotten harder and harder to shut off that part of my brain that wants to dwell on real world issues. Hard exercise makes me focus on trying not to die. TV shows, books, movies, or music with lyrics require me to acknowledge and make sense of narrative. Unstructured thought time - like trying to fall asleep - is the worst. But I find that if I can trick my brain into thinking that I am actually accomplishing a defined task or following a structure, without actually having to devote much mental power to whatever I'm doing, then it will leave me alone so I can indulge in whatever alternate thought process I wish.
Once you get good at it, meditation is wonderful as well, although much of the resulting daydream in is not always that coherent. You might like the Meditation Oasis podcasts as a place to start.
posted by bibliowench at 10:30 AM on November 29, 2013
You've gotten some great advice so far - I especially like showers and walks for stimulating thought.
I think reading can be another great way to promote creative thoughts. Read something that is outside of your comfort zone, that will really make you think about the world. (I won't make specific suggestions, because I think it's less about a particular book and more about reading something unusual for you.)
Also, if you have the time, take a MOOC philosophy class or read some philosophy yourself. It will change how you think (hopefully!) and help you see problems from a variety of perspectives. William James is great for this but just about any philosophy will do the trick - it need not be especially complex or challenging. Good luck!
posted by schroedingersgirl at 11:52 AM on November 29, 2013
I think reading can be another great way to promote creative thoughts. Read something that is outside of your comfort zone, that will really make you think about the world. (I won't make specific suggestions, because I think it's less about a particular book and more about reading something unusual for you.)
Also, if you have the time, take a MOOC philosophy class or read some philosophy yourself. It will change how you think (hopefully!) and help you see problems from a variety of perspectives. William James is great for this but just about any philosophy will do the trick - it need not be especially complex or challenging. Good luck!
posted by schroedingersgirl at 11:52 AM on November 29, 2013
You're describing something that I think is familiar to a lot of creative people, which is that your internal critic is so strong that it's crushing your ideas when they are still very new and fragile. It's like when you sit down at the piano and play something and your brain goes, "well that's stupid, it's boring/trite/cerebral/sentimental" before you even have a chance to develop it in any direction at all. Basically, you have to learn to suspend that critical voice, to bring it in only after you've had a chance to actually produce at least a partial draft. That's when it's going to be the most valuable to you.
Also, playing from your imagination is really hard! Your imagination can work much faster than your hands. Don't worry, this is normal. And even if your hands never quite catch up, you can still make work that you're happy with.
Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird is about writing more specifically, but has a lot of advice that applies here.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:23 PM on November 29, 2013
Also, playing from your imagination is really hard! Your imagination can work much faster than your hands. Don't worry, this is normal. And even if your hands never quite catch up, you can still make work that you're happy with.
Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird is about writing more specifically, but has a lot of advice that applies here.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:23 PM on November 29, 2013
I heard a really great show on this topic on NPR a couple weeks ago, here it is: Daydreaming. It's definitely worth a listen, and since hearing it I've been meaning to check out the books mentioned on the program as well. It sounds like it would help you too.
posted by GastrocNemesis at 12:52 PM on November 29, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by GastrocNemesis at 12:52 PM on November 29, 2013 [1 favorite]
You need an improv class! An introductory improv class will help you learn to say yes to your ideas and stop judging them (and yourself). I started doing improv two years ago, and found the focus on "saying yes" liberating. If you're in a major city, there's almost certainly a local improv theater, maybe even one with a free intro class.
If you're in NYC, I recommend the fine folks at Magnet Theater, who are friendly and offer a free intro class.
posted by booksherpa at 1:46 PM on November 29, 2013 [2 favorites]
If you're in NYC, I recommend the fine folks at Magnet Theater, who are friendly and offer a free intro class.
posted by booksherpa at 1:46 PM on November 29, 2013 [2 favorites]
I think your brain has more stuff to rearrange and synthesize with if you immerse yourself in a lot of ideas and stories of different styles. Read fiction, non-fiction, EVERYTHING, watch weird, fantastic, emotional movies, and listen to all kinds of music! I think enjoying art is a great first step.
posted by dinosaurprincess at 6:02 PM on November 29, 2013
posted by dinosaurprincess at 6:02 PM on November 29, 2013
When I was growing up, we didn't have a computer, and there was no such thing as the internet. I read a lot, but there were lots of odd moments during the day when I didn't have a book nearby, and I would daydream. Waiting for someone or a bus, during some meals, on the toilet at other people's houses, as a passenger in the car, etc.
Nowadays I pretty much always at least have my mobile phone during those brief waiting times, and I automatically flick through emails or play a round of a game, or check the news. That means the only time I have left to try and daydream is at night before sleeping, and somehow it feels harder than it used to. I really think that's because of the less practice. And the fact that it's been 24 hours since I was last daydreaming, instead of just an hour or so with something I was already thinking about to pick up the threads of.
Recently I was without internet connectivity for three weeks (traveling in a remote location), and by the end of it I'd sort of automatically slipped back into my childhood daydreaming habits, and it was kind of wonderful. I'm making more of an effort now that I'm back to stop my itchy fingers reaching for my phone when I don't have a specific reason to check it, but it's not working very well.
posted by lollusc at 11:43 PM on November 29, 2013
Nowadays I pretty much always at least have my mobile phone during those brief waiting times, and I automatically flick through emails or play a round of a game, or check the news. That means the only time I have left to try and daydream is at night before sleeping, and somehow it feels harder than it used to. I really think that's because of the less practice. And the fact that it's been 24 hours since I was last daydreaming, instead of just an hour or so with something I was already thinking about to pick up the threads of.
Recently I was without internet connectivity for three weeks (traveling in a remote location), and by the end of it I'd sort of automatically slipped back into my childhood daydreaming habits, and it was kind of wonderful. I'm making more of an effort now that I'm back to stop my itchy fingers reaching for my phone when I don't have a specific reason to check it, but it's not working very well.
posted by lollusc at 11:43 PM on November 29, 2013
You want to let your mind wander more, think in a less structured way, and be able to let go and visualize more. This is an almost stereotypical list of the effects of... marijuana! [void where prohibited]
posted by Tom-B at 8:39 AM on December 5, 2013
posted by Tom-B at 8:39 AM on December 5, 2013
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Another thing that helps me immensely: if you're stuck on a creative decision, try as many options as you can and see how far each one takes you. In writing and art, there's usually not a choice that's right or best. I think Monet's Haystacks series illustrates this well: there are multiple compositions and types of light represented, and although some of the paintings are stronger than others, there isn't one that stands head and shoulders above the rest.
Play around with the idea of all decisions being equal: experiment with ambiguity, uncertainty, variation, and overlap. Draw the same thing twice. If you've got an idea for a short story but feel stuck, try coming up with a different, unconnected story featuring the exact same characters.
There's also the matter of technical ability, which is different from deliberate creative decisions. This can trip you up, especially if you're a perfectionist, because when you're starting out, you'll know something is wrong but have trouble identifying the precise problem, much less fixing it. This Ira Glass quotation, about the frustration of your talent lagging behind your taste, sums it up nicely. The only real fix for this is practice.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:03 AM on November 29, 2013 [1 favorite]