How to discuss possible theft with house cleaner?
November 22, 2013 2:37 PM Subscribe
I have had the same house cleaner every two weeks for close to 20 years with no issues. He is very honest. The main guy comes every time and I trust him enough to have a key to my house, but his crew of 2 or 3 that accompanies him seems to change. On Sunday night I wore a diamond pendant and 3 not-valuable stacking rings. I recall removing them and placing them in the drawer where they live when I'm not wearing them. The cleaning people came Wednesday. I went to wear them again today (Friday) and found the necklace and one of the three stacking rings missing.
I tore the drawer apart and they are not there. There is much more valuable jewelry in there that was not taken. I live alone and no one else has been in the house.
I'm heartsick about the pendant. It's not about the monetary value. My mother gave it to me on my 18th birthday and I lost her 3 years ago. I might be able to get behind the unlikely idea that I misplaced the necklace somehow if not for the missing stacking ring that has never left the drawer without the other two rings, which are still in the drawer.
How do I bring this up with my house cleaner - what do I say? Theft is a serious accusation, but not having seen anyone take my things I don't have proof, just a logical guess. While I don't expect to get my jewelry back, I feel he needs to know someone on his team may have stolen from me.
FYI, I am moving my remaining jewelry to a safe (kicking myself for not doing it sooner). Do I fire him? Or is there a reasonable response he could give that would take firing off the table?
I tore the drawer apart and they are not there. There is much more valuable jewelry in there that was not taken. I live alone and no one else has been in the house.
I'm heartsick about the pendant. It's not about the monetary value. My mother gave it to me on my 18th birthday and I lost her 3 years ago. I might be able to get behind the unlikely idea that I misplaced the necklace somehow if not for the missing stacking ring that has never left the drawer without the other two rings, which are still in the drawer.
How do I bring this up with my house cleaner - what do I say? Theft is a serious accusation, but not having seen anyone take my things I don't have proof, just a logical guess. While I don't expect to get my jewelry back, I feel he needs to know someone on his team may have stolen from me.
FYI, I am moving my remaining jewelry to a safe (kicking myself for not doing it sooner). Do I fire him? Or is there a reasonable response he could give that would take firing off the table?
Best answer: Tell him that you thought you placed it in your dresser drawer but haven't been able to find them. Tell him that your mother gave you the necklace and it has tremendous sentimental value and that you are just sick. Ask him to please, please, please let you know if he or one of his staff happens to come across it while cleaning.
I wouldn't immediately jump to theft, so there's no reason to accuse him, and crimeny, certainly no reason to terminate a 20 year long relationship based on just a hunch with no proof. That sounds absurd.
Check the floor. Check behind the dresser. Check in between the dresser drawers, as it might have fallen off to the side or something.
posted by phunniemee at 2:50 PM on November 22, 2013 [36 favorites]
I wouldn't immediately jump to theft, so there's no reason to accuse him, and crimeny, certainly no reason to terminate a 20 year long relationship based on just a hunch with no proof. That sounds absurd.
Check the floor. Check behind the dresser. Check in between the dresser drawers, as it might have fallen off to the side or something.
posted by phunniemee at 2:50 PM on November 22, 2013 [36 favorites]
It would be insanity to accuse and fire your housekeeper over something as fickle as your hunch. Lock your jewelry and talk to your housekeeper about the quality of his sub contractors and what you like to see changed - specifically.
posted by Kruger5 at 2:51 PM on November 22, 2013
posted by Kruger5 at 2:51 PM on November 22, 2013
I think phunniemee totally has it.
He needs to know about this. I am sure you are not his only client. Theft is deadly to his business as well as incredibly painful for victims.
posted by bearwife at 3:04 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
He needs to know about this. I am sure you are not his only client. Theft is deadly to his business as well as incredibly painful for victims.
posted by bearwife at 3:04 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
There is much more valuable jewelry in there that was not taken.
Step 1 for me would be tearing apart the rest of the house looking for this, because the greatest likelihood is that while your normal routine is to put them back in the drawer they live in, you maybe didn't last time. This is particularly true if there was other obviously expensive jewelry in your drawer that didn't get taken. Give yourself another week to hunt methodically throughout your house and carefully check all your pockets and purses before considering having this conversation.
If I, a low-paid member of your cleaning crew (that really needed a job) was contemplating theft, I would find your diamond pendant enticing but would select something at the back of the drawer, clearly rarely used, rather than the jewelry which from your account sounds like a weekly standard for you.
I think the housekeeper is the obvious target whenever anything is missing - I've fallen prey to it myself, but listened to Mr. Arnicae's wise guidance, waited a few days, and found the ring/watch/whathaveyou before I alienated our very trustworthy long-term housekeeper.
Now, if you were writing in to say that a few things had disappeared from your kitchen (breakables) and you just found a broken dish in the trash, then yes, I'd be leaping on the blame-the-cleaners bandwagon. I've repeatedly told all our cleaners it is ok if things get broken, just please tell us so I don't think I'm crazy when I'm looking for that water glass with spock on it - but they still will occasionally break something and then just clean it up and throw it away.
posted by arnicae at 3:11 PM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]
Step 1 for me would be tearing apart the rest of the house looking for this, because the greatest likelihood is that while your normal routine is to put them back in the drawer they live in, you maybe didn't last time. This is particularly true if there was other obviously expensive jewelry in your drawer that didn't get taken. Give yourself another week to hunt methodically throughout your house and carefully check all your pockets and purses before considering having this conversation.
If I, a low-paid member of your cleaning crew (that really needed a job) was contemplating theft, I would find your diamond pendant enticing but would select something at the back of the drawer, clearly rarely used, rather than the jewelry which from your account sounds like a weekly standard for you.
I think the housekeeper is the obvious target whenever anything is missing - I've fallen prey to it myself, but listened to Mr. Arnicae's wise guidance, waited a few days, and found the ring/watch/whathaveyou before I alienated our very trustworthy long-term housekeeper.
Now, if you were writing in to say that a few things had disappeared from your kitchen (breakables) and you just found a broken dish in the trash, then yes, I'd be leaping on the blame-the-cleaners bandwagon. I've repeatedly told all our cleaners it is ok if things get broken, just please tell us so I don't think I'm crazy when I'm looking for that water glass with spock on it - but they still will occasionally break something and then just clean it up and throw it away.
posted by arnicae at 3:11 PM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]
A somewhat similar thing happened to me with a diamond earring that disappeared from the top of a dresser. Our first step was to thoroughly check the house, as well as the vacuum cleaner bag (disgusting). I did not suspect the cleaners of theft, necessarily, but did feel that they were responsible for the loss because it was lost/thrown away/taken as a result of them cleaning. At that point, I asked the owner to file a claim with their insurance company, which they did. I had a brief phone interview with a claims representative and I received the appraisal value for the earring. (Hopefully you have a recent appraisal.) I still use the service and haven't had any issues since, and our relationship seems fine.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 3:18 PM on November 22, 2013
posted by Sweetie Darling at 3:18 PM on November 22, 2013
Best answer: I would trust your hunch.
You need to tell him what happened, because it is likely happening with other clients.
It's also likely that thefts will continue - they took the less valuable stuff to see if you would notice.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:03 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
You need to tell him what happened, because it is likely happening with other clients.
It's also likely that thefts will continue - they took the less valuable stuff to see if you would notice.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:03 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
I think it is odd that only 1 stacking ring is missing. Given the holidays are approaching, is it at all possible someone else borrowed them for the intent of sizing and/or matching gifts?
Oh, wait a minute, you said you live alone. Never mind.
posted by dness2 at 4:28 PM on November 22, 2013
Oh, wait a minute, you said you live alone. Never mind.
posted by dness2 at 4:28 PM on November 22, 2013
phunniemee: "Tell him that you thought you placed it in your dresser drawer but haven't been able to find them. Tell him that your mother gave you the necklace and it has tremendous sentimental value and that you are just sick. Ask him to please, please, please let you know if he or one of his staff happens to come across it while cleaning."
This is perfect.
Maybe you really did misplace your things. Maybe they were carelessly knocked over by a cleaning staff member who was too rough with the drawers or being inappropriately nosy. Maybe they were lifted, but when the boss pointedly asks his staff to look very carefully for them, they'll get "found" behind the dresser.
Regardless, give your longtime housecleaner the opportunity to be on your side.
posted by desuetude at 5:13 PM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
This is perfect.
Maybe you really did misplace your things. Maybe they were carelessly knocked over by a cleaning staff member who was too rough with the drawers or being inappropriately nosy. Maybe they were lifted, but when the boss pointedly asks his staff to look very carefully for them, they'll get "found" behind the dresser.
Regardless, give your longtime housecleaner the opportunity to be on your side.
posted by desuetude at 5:13 PM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I'd be more direct. I'd say, "You've worked with me for twenty years, and I trust you. I know I can rely on you, and I need your assistance. [Explain what happened here] and therefore I believe that there is a significant chance that one of your subcontractors may be responsible. This necklace has tremendous sentimental value for me [explain here why]. I am asking you to do your best with your subcontractors to determine if one of them is responsible for it being missing, and if so, to have it returned. I want you to know that I am not accusing you of theft, but that because I live alone, and your subcontractors are the only people who enter the house who I do not trust, I believe it is quite possible that one of them may have taken it. In the meantime, I will be searching high and low for it, and will let you know instantly if I come across it."
Incidentally, if you find it in a bizarre place, that may be a sign that one of the subcontractors is testing your, to see if you notice that something is missing.
posted by Capri at 5:40 PM on November 22, 2013 [9 favorites]
Incidentally, if you find it in a bizarre place, that may be a sign that one of the subcontractors is testing your, to see if you notice that something is missing.
posted by Capri at 5:40 PM on November 22, 2013 [9 favorites]
I would also take the more direct approach. I have recent experience with a helper/assistant with a bad case of sticky fingers She never took anything of high value, but seemed to be attracted to inexpensive cool-looking stuff. Those types of things usually do have sentimental value and for some reason that's what she was drawn to. We all eventually got our stuff back, but only after a long period of denial. I'm sorry you lost your things, I know how invaded you feel.
posted by raisingsand at 6:01 PM on November 22, 2013
posted by raisingsand at 6:01 PM on November 22, 2013
Best answer: I have a friend who worked for a company with several low-wage crew members who went into people's houses. When something valuable turned up missing, and the homeowner talked to the company owner, you can be damned sure the company owner got the stuff back and returned it to the homeowner.
I would suggest you not mince words about this. You need to emphasize that you remember putting it in that drawer and that nobody else could have taken them, therefore it must have been a member of his crew. The more you hedge, the less likely the owner is to put the appropriate pressure on his crew to return the goods.
If I, a low-paid member of your cleaning crew (that really needed a job) was contemplating theft, I would find your diamond pendant enticing but would select something at the back of the drawer, clearly rarely used, rather than the jewelry which from your account sounds like a weekly standard for you.
You cannot impute this kind of logic to thieves.
posted by jayder at 6:37 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
I would suggest you not mince words about this. You need to emphasize that you remember putting it in that drawer and that nobody else could have taken them, therefore it must have been a member of his crew. The more you hedge, the less likely the owner is to put the appropriate pressure on his crew to return the goods.
If I, a low-paid member of your cleaning crew (that really needed a job) was contemplating theft, I would find your diamond pendant enticing but would select something at the back of the drawer, clearly rarely used, rather than the jewelry which from your account sounds like a weekly standard for you.
You cannot impute this kind of logic to thieves.
posted by jayder at 6:37 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
Ouch, I worked as a mover for several years; my boss had been doing moves for 20+ years not unlike your cleaner. My hunch is that (hopefully) one of the new crew members has perhaps misplaced your items in a manner similar to what "desuetude" mentioned.
Cleaner should take your inquiry very seriously. 100% is the only way good people do with others stuff when cleaning or moving; anything less is an entire failure.
- It could have been vacuumed up after being bumped, do they use your vacuums? Did they dump the bags? Deep carpet, or hardwood floors? Could it have fallen, hit a shoe or nightstand leg and bounced 20' away? Pet cat decided to play with it? Was the drawer vacuumed? Do they usually clean that drawer?
I think he needs to know something is missing; not 'may have been stolen'. A good person that handles other peoples items will take your words extremely seriously.
posted by buzzman at 9:58 PM on November 22, 2013
Cleaner should take your inquiry very seriously. 100% is the only way good people do with others stuff when cleaning or moving; anything less is an entire failure.
- It could have been vacuumed up after being bumped, do they use your vacuums? Did they dump the bags? Deep carpet, or hardwood floors? Could it have fallen, hit a shoe or nightstand leg and bounced 20' away? Pet cat decided to play with it? Was the drawer vacuumed? Do they usually clean that drawer?
I think he needs to know something is missing; not 'may have been stolen'. A good person that handles other peoples items will take your words extremely seriously.
posted by buzzman at 9:58 PM on November 22, 2013
Do not fire your trusted cleaner of twenty years over this. It's very common for people to fire their cleaners for theft, and then find the missing item afterwards. (An acquaintance of mine did that, and when I told my own cleaner about it she grimaced and said it happens all the time. Apparently cleaners trade stories about it, and it makes them bitter, especially when they feel like it's linked to racism.)
If you do speak with your cleaner, Capri's first paragraph is not bad. But please don't accuse a man who has worked for you for twenty years of stealing: that's disrespectful and will utterly break the bond of trust between you. Tell him you have looked everywhere, and will continue to look. Frame it as your shared problem: you may have had something stolen, and he may be employing someone who steals. But leave it open enough that fences can be mended if you find the missing items somewhere else. And trust him to handle it internally in his team: as buzzman said, it's very much in his interest to do so.
posted by Susan PG at 12:07 AM on November 23, 2013 [4 favorites]
If you do speak with your cleaner, Capri's first paragraph is not bad. But please don't accuse a man who has worked for you for twenty years of stealing: that's disrespectful and will utterly break the bond of trust between you. Tell him you have looked everywhere, and will continue to look. Frame it as your shared problem: you may have had something stolen, and he may be employing someone who steals. But leave it open enough that fences can be mended if you find the missing items somewhere else. And trust him to handle it internally in his team: as buzzman said, it's very much in his interest to do so.
posted by Susan PG at 12:07 AM on November 23, 2013 [4 favorites]
Have you physically taken the drawer out? I've found "lost" items in the cabinet underneath the drawer, in the past.
posted by amicamentis at 9:39 AM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by amicamentis at 9:39 AM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
"It seems like some of my jewelry is missing. By any change have you or any of your working crew seen them when you were cleaning on Wednesday?"
This isn't a direct accusation, but if I were your trusted cleaner of 20 years and I wanted to keep your business -- and I knew that a guy on my crew was capable of this -- the problem may take care of itself without you having to say so directly.
If you want to say so directly, however, you can ask him how well he knows his crew, and if he thinks anyone is capable of this. You don't want to accuse him directly, but you are concerned that the jewelry just seemed to disappear. If he blows this off like it's a big deal, I'd strongly consider severing the relationship.
posted by SpacemanStix at 2:49 PM on November 22, 2013 [10 favorites]