The best-case "two cats and a baby" scenario?
November 20, 2013 11:53 AM Subscribe
My brother and sister-in law are about to have their first human kidlet. They also have two cats (both rescued young-adult Siamese mixes) that they absolutely adore. I'd like to help them out in the kitty department...any suggestions for gifts / books / Really Useful Bits Of Advice / etc. geared toward integrating a baby into a cat-containing household?
Brother and SIL live an 8-hour drive away from me, so I can't pop over at a moment's notice to offer a play or nail-trimming session. But as the soon-to-be Weird Aunt With All Those Cats (I have four feline housemates myself), it seemed like perhaps it would be a very fitting thing for me to try and "cover" this particular area on behalf of my sibling and his family.
So, as for my question: those of you who have managed a harmonious transition from a Home With Cats to a Home With Cats And Child(ren), what made this possible? What made it fun? If it was difficult, what *would* have made it easier?
Anecdata is welcome, but I am also looking for product and literature recommendations if you have any.
(I'm thinking along the lines of, say, creative gating strategies for keeping a toddler out of the litterbox, toys that both cats AND kids can enjoy together, etc.) Thanks!
Brother and SIL live an 8-hour drive away from me, so I can't pop over at a moment's notice to offer a play or nail-trimming session. But as the soon-to-be Weird Aunt With All Those Cats (I have four feline housemates myself), it seemed like perhaps it would be a very fitting thing for me to try and "cover" this particular area on behalf of my sibling and his family.
So, as for my question: those of you who have managed a harmonious transition from a Home With Cats to a Home With Cats And Child(ren), what made this possible? What made it fun? If it was difficult, what *would* have made it easier?
Anecdata is welcome, but I am also looking for product and literature recommendations if you have any.
(I'm thinking along the lines of, say, creative gating strategies for keeping a toddler out of the litterbox, toys that both cats AND kids can enjoy together, etc.) Thanks!
Best answer: When we assembled our crib a few weeks before Baby BlahLaLa was born, one of the cats really wanted to own it and live in it 100% of the time. I wasn't into that, and after trying to keep him out with a sheet draped over the crib (didn't work - he just batted it until it fell into the crib then jumped in) I bought a "crib canopy"-type thing that fit snuggly over the top of the crib. I don't see the one I bought still for sale (this was 10+ years ago) so I'm not linking. That's pretty much the only thing will did in terms of the cats, until about 10+ months later when the baby started to crawl. That's when we set up some baby gates specifically to keep kid separate from cat litter and cat food. The cats can jump over the gates without problems.
That's it. Easy peasy.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:07 PM on November 20, 2013
That's it. Easy peasy.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:07 PM on November 20, 2013
I have a... less successful story. We went from house with one cat to house with one cat and a baby (fine so far) to house with one cat + baby + nanny + two other kids the nanny watched, and that was too much for poor Jax. Once the kids could crawl, they'd poke, prod, and tug on the cat, and the cat would take a swipe at them or give them a nip. Our place was too small to keep them apart all day, so we had to re-home the cat with a friend.
posted by Oktober at 12:11 PM on November 20, 2013
posted by Oktober at 12:11 PM on November 20, 2013
We just had a cat, and then we had a baby, and everything was fine EXCEPT once when the cat decided to leap into the carriage (the larger size). Luckily the baby wasn't in it. So that's something to think about (and basically what BLahLaLa posted as well). So they might want to arrange something where the cats, if they're leapers, can't actually get into the crib.
posted by DMelanogaster at 12:13 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Three kids, four cats. Have had at least 4 cats (and at one point a dog as well) since the kids came along. You teach the kids to be kind and gentle with the animals, and eventually the cats stop looking at the children like they are dangerous morons. There is no issue here.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 12:16 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 12:16 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
What those folks said.
My cat seemed to think that the cry of my newborn was the cry of a VERY DISTRESSED KITTEN HIDING IN THE WALLS, and she spent some time sprinting up and down hallways until she understood better. Once, she snuggled with the six month old, who felt something soft and grabbed and pulled, and she dealt with it by biting *me*. "Hey, lady, control your kitten." When the baby learned to crawl, we put the cat food bowl up on a table. When we trusted the baby not to eat cat food, we put the food bowl back down again. We put the litter in a place that was easy to gate off. Now at 3 we need to regularly explain that the kitty is not always in the mood for love, no matter how much love you wish to show. (He is very gentle, to his credit, but loud and 4 times her size. I'd run from him too.) Overall it hasn't been a big deal, though the cat gets a lot less attention than she used to.
posted by tchemgrrl at 12:30 PM on November 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
My cat seemed to think that the cry of my newborn was the cry of a VERY DISTRESSED KITTEN HIDING IN THE WALLS, and she spent some time sprinting up and down hallways until she understood better. Once, she snuggled with the six month old, who felt something soft and grabbed and pulled, and she dealt with it by biting *me*. "Hey, lady, control your kitten." When the baby learned to crawl, we put the cat food bowl up on a table. When we trusted the baby not to eat cat food, we put the food bowl back down again. We put the litter in a place that was easy to gate off. Now at 3 we need to regularly explain that the kitty is not always in the mood for love, no matter how much love you wish to show. (He is very gentle, to his credit, but loud and 4 times her size. I'd run from him too.) Overall it hasn't been a big deal, though the cat gets a lot less attention than she used to.
posted by tchemgrrl at 12:30 PM on November 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
It really depends on the cat. Most won't be aggressive with a baby, though really cranky ones will swipe at a toddler/child who won't leave them be. Parents tend to freak out because cats want up on the baby's space sometimes (like cribs or strollers) but mostly it's just a warmth-seeking or attention-seeking thing.
Once the kid is old enough to have a high chair/eat real food, the cat may suddenly become very prone to hanging around them to pick up scraps.
As far as managing, it's common sense, mostly. Make time for the kitties; if they start having behavioral problems, address them on a case-by-case basis. Don't leave baby on the floor unsupervised till you know what the cats will do. Etc.
posted by emjaybee at 12:32 PM on November 20, 2013
Once the kid is old enough to have a high chair/eat real food, the cat may suddenly become very prone to hanging around them to pick up scraps.
As far as managing, it's common sense, mostly. Make time for the kitties; if they start having behavioral problems, address them on a case-by-case basis. Don't leave baby on the floor unsupervised till you know what the cats will do. Etc.
posted by emjaybee at 12:32 PM on November 20, 2013
Best answer: Two comments...the first is really my wife's to tell, but here it is in summary. We brought the kid home. It cried and screamed. The adult female cat....yes the one that was an awesome cat but was a pretty lousy mother to its kittens when it was a stray and when it was captured and given a home....got freaked out and ended up biting my wife on the face. This is actually sweeter than it sounds because we figured out the the cat heard the crying baby and and somehow decided to protect it from us! Here we were home with a new baby and we had to console a worried and protective cat who thought we were hurting our man-kit! We made up and all was well after that.
Second, you will someday have a toddler. This means that cat food, cat box and sometimes cat toys will have to be guarded or the toddler will explore and try to put interesting things in his/her mouth. A baby gate was useful for protecting these things since the cat could jump over the gate to get to food and cat box but the baby could not!
Also of note....cats can be asymptomatic for toxoplasmosis, which can really harm a developing human fetus. Make sure the husband is the one who scoops the cat box and trims the claws during the pregnancy!
posted by BearClaw6 at 12:37 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Second, you will someday have a toddler. This means that cat food, cat box and sometimes cat toys will have to be guarded or the toddler will explore and try to put interesting things in his/her mouth. A baby gate was useful for protecting these things since the cat could jump over the gate to get to food and cat box but the baby could not!
Also of note....cats can be asymptomatic for toxoplasmosis, which can really harm a developing human fetus. Make sure the husband is the one who scoops the cat box and trims the claws during the pregnancy!
posted by BearClaw6 at 12:37 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
We had two cats when our first, Darling Boy arrived on the scene. Being paranoid that the felines were going to roost in his crib. we installed an elaborate interior screen door thingy to keep out kitties but allow air circulation, etc. First night home, Cat No. 1 deftly went around the edge of the screen to investigate the new roommate. Cat No. 2 sniffed him and tried to see into the crib. After that, they left him alone.
When Baby Tafetta arrived last year, they claimed the pack n' play but suffered to get off of it when she needed it. Now, Cat No. 1 lets her pet him and Cat No. 2 runs for the hills when she crawls for him.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 12:39 PM on November 20, 2013
When Baby Tafetta arrived last year, they claimed the pack n' play but suffered to get off of it when she needed it. Now, Cat No. 1 lets her pet him and Cat No. 2 runs for the hills when she crawls for him.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 12:39 PM on November 20, 2013
Best answer: We had two cats when our first child was born. They cuddled up with her from day one. All three of our kids first word was cat. Our cats were wonderful about letting babies crawl literally over them. When they got bigger the cats taught them manners but never did any serious damage. Of course it depends on individual personality but for us it was not a problem. We did always make sure the cats could escape marauding toddlers and that the kids were taught to be gentle.
posted by leslies at 12:51 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by leslies at 12:51 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]
We've got 2 cats and an almost-two-year-old-child and its working fine so far. Didn't get anything new for the cats or change their set-up at all (their litter box is in a room that our daughter doesn't know exists yet). She still plays with their water dish every now and again but that's a minor thing.
About the only thing I can think of would be covers to keep the cats out of any baby stuff you don't want them in.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:55 PM on November 20, 2013
About the only thing I can think of would be covers to keep the cats out of any baby stuff you don't want them in.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:55 PM on November 20, 2013
What everyone says. We have two cats and a now five-year-old. The cats were pissed that they weren't the center of the universe anymore, but otherwise it was fine. They mostly keep their distance - he tries to pet them nicely, and likes to play with them.
One thing our pediatrician suggested: even if they're indoor only, make sure they get de-flead. Fleas can lead to worms, which can be an issue when your little one is crawling around on the floor and them putting his/her hands in his/her mouth.
posted by chbrooks at 1:06 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
One thing our pediatrician suggested: even if they're indoor only, make sure they get de-flead. Fleas can lead to worms, which can be an issue when your little one is crawling around on the floor and them putting his/her hands in his/her mouth.
posted by chbrooks at 1:06 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If you can find or make a cat structure that will give kitty a place to be safe, and maybe a covered place for the litter box, kitty will be grateful. We had an odd space in the kitchen that we could put a door on. The cat could go under the door (dog or baby couldn't), and had access to the litter box, and a shelf above with food and water. It was in the kitchen, providing motivation to keep the litter very clean.
posted by theora55 at 2:47 PM on November 20, 2013
posted by theora55 at 2:47 PM on November 20, 2013
In my experience, cats + babies aren't the issue.
Well-socialized cats + well-socialized toddlers (and older) = pay attention no one gets rough, and it'll be fine.
Cats + badly behaved children, on the other hand...
posted by stormyteal at 5:50 PM on November 20, 2013
Well-socialized cats + well-socialized toddlers (and older) = pay attention no one gets rough, and it'll be fine.
Cats + badly behaved children, on the other hand...
posted by stormyteal at 5:50 PM on November 20, 2013
As others have noted, there's nothing to be decided, researched, or changed. Cats will adjust. Parents won't have time to read your books, and honestly will not care. My children were my "fur babies" until I had an actual baby, and then they became cats pretty quickly.
It's sweet that you're trying to find a way that you can be helpful, but probably the most helpful thing you can do is to visit as often as you can (and they'd like) to help out with physical labor (cooking, doing dishes, laundry, etc.) and babysitting, so they can get more than 1.3 hours of REM sleep a night. And check to see there is cat food in the bowl, as the cats will be a very low priority.
posted by ravioli at 6:25 PM on November 20, 2013
It's sweet that you're trying to find a way that you can be helpful, but probably the most helpful thing you can do is to visit as often as you can (and they'd like) to help out with physical labor (cooking, doing dishes, laundry, etc.) and babysitting, so they can get more than 1.3 hours of REM sleep a night. And check to see there is cat food in the bowl, as the cats will be a very low priority.
posted by ravioli at 6:25 PM on November 20, 2013
Best answer: Proof of concept!
My cats were particularly solicitous of me in my late pregnancy. Mushu (black & white one) in particular would lay down on my enormous, fecund belly and purr and purr and purr. We had plans for a homebirth, and thought that being there through the experience might help. Didn't work out that way. Had to call my parents from the hospital to feed the cats after things went not to plan.
Once we got home, my husband and I both independently got the impression that Ollie (ginger) was extraordinarily pleased that we had gotten him a baby. He was not very intrusive, but soooooo happy, and cuddly with us when we were holding the baby. Mushu went to some lengths for a while to communicate how uninterested he was. He was a little nervous of the baby at first, but Mushu is a nervous cat. Soon he started getting bolder, and came to be quite comfortable around him.
Now baby is on the move, and loves to chase the cats. They are mostly happy to either stay just out of reach or run away to a perch if they're not into it at the moment. Cat was one of his first signs, and he is learning to be gentle when petting them. Unless he forgets, and grabs a giant baby fistful of fur and tries to eat them. They are very patient and Ollie will let him get away with murder. Mushu cuddles him while he nurses.
This has been a big hit. We have it set up in a circle and the baby will sit one one side, Mushu on the other, and they will bat the ball back & forth & around to one another. It's great. Baby also loves to watch Mushu leap acrobatically after a wand toy. One of the baby's favorite toys is a cute squirrel squeak toy with a crinkly tail that I thought Ollie would love, which he ignored completely. All our 3 little creatures also love playing with empty cardboard boxes, sometimes together.
posted by kitarra at 8:41 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
My cats were particularly solicitous of me in my late pregnancy. Mushu (black & white one) in particular would lay down on my enormous, fecund belly and purr and purr and purr. We had plans for a homebirth, and thought that being there through the experience might help. Didn't work out that way. Had to call my parents from the hospital to feed the cats after things went not to plan.
Once we got home, my husband and I both independently got the impression that Ollie (ginger) was extraordinarily pleased that we had gotten him a baby. He was not very intrusive, but soooooo happy, and cuddly with us when we were holding the baby. Mushu went to some lengths for a while to communicate how uninterested he was. He was a little nervous of the baby at first, but Mushu is a nervous cat. Soon he started getting bolder, and came to be quite comfortable around him.
Now baby is on the move, and loves to chase the cats. They are mostly happy to either stay just out of reach or run away to a perch if they're not into it at the moment. Cat was one of his first signs, and he is learning to be gentle when petting them. Unless he forgets, and grabs a giant baby fistful of fur and tries to eat them. They are very patient and Ollie will let him get away with murder. Mushu cuddles him while he nurses.
This has been a big hit. We have it set up in a circle and the baby will sit one one side, Mushu on the other, and they will bat the ball back & forth & around to one another. It's great. Baby also loves to watch Mushu leap acrobatically after a wand toy. One of the baby's favorite toys is a cute squirrel squeak toy with a crinkly tail that I thought Ollie would love, which he ignored completely. All our 3 little creatures also love playing with empty cardboard boxes, sometimes together.
posted by kitarra at 8:41 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
The litter box is really the main thing that can be a problem, if they live in a small apartment. Also, sleeping -- cats shouldn't have access to babies at night if they've shown any inclination to snuggle up with them. I guess I don't have simple solutions to either of those problems -- cats who are used to being in your bed at night can be pretty annoying when the door's closed on them.
In our house, though, this was a very smooth transition. Before the baby came the cat loved all of the baby things, and slept all day in the bassinet and snuggled with all of the new blankies. We took comical pictures of ourselves carrying the cat in the baby carrier. Then the baby came home, and the cat walked very slowly and gingerly up to the carseat carrier thingie, sniffing, and the baby moved slightly, and the cat yowled and ran as fast as she could and didn't go within 20 feet of the baby for the next six months.
And now he's a kindergartner and they are friends. Brought together by their shared love of string. The end.
posted by gerstle at 9:11 PM on November 20, 2013
In our house, though, this was a very smooth transition. Before the baby came the cat loved all of the baby things, and slept all day in the bassinet and snuggled with all of the new blankies. We took comical pictures of ourselves carrying the cat in the baby carrier. Then the baby came home, and the cat walked very slowly and gingerly up to the carseat carrier thingie, sniffing, and the baby moved slightly, and the cat yowled and ran as fast as she could and didn't go within 20 feet of the baby for the next six months.
And now he's a kindergartner and they are friends. Brought together by their shared love of string. The end.
posted by gerstle at 9:11 PM on November 20, 2013
Response by poster: Thanks for all the responses! I am really happy to hear that, more than likely, this transition won't be much of a thing at all. That said, based on the number of responses along the lines of "there's nothing to worry about here", I'm thinking maybe I should have phrased my question somewhat differently, because I actually had more of an "enrichment" mindset when writing it than a "crisis resolution" mindset. I.e., I was thinking in terms of basic, practical stuff regarding the litterbox and whatnot, but also in terms of suggestions for things that would make it FUN for both cats and baby to ultimately meet, play together, and become friends. Apologies if that was not clear enough.
Oh, and one more thing that might bear explaining, ravioli: I live 8 hours away from my brother and SIL, work full time, and have 4 cats of my own at home. I also can't drive a car myself (for disability-related reasons) so helping out in-person when the baby arrives is just not a thing I can really practically do to the degree it would make a difference. I absolutely plan regardless on brainstorming ways to help enable my brother and SIL get the local help they need with day-to-day stuff that isn't cat-related...that just wasn't the focus of my question here (as I have actually seen that covered in other AskMes to a decent degree).
posted by aecorwin at 11:38 AM on November 21, 2013
Oh, and one more thing that might bear explaining, ravioli: I live 8 hours away from my brother and SIL, work full time, and have 4 cats of my own at home. I also can't drive a car myself (for disability-related reasons) so helping out in-person when the baby arrives is just not a thing I can really practically do to the degree it would make a difference. I absolutely plan regardless on brainstorming ways to help enable my brother and SIL get the local help they need with day-to-day stuff that isn't cat-related...that just wasn't the focus of my question here (as I have actually seen that covered in other AskMes to a decent degree).
posted by aecorwin at 11:38 AM on November 21, 2013
Response by poster: Overdue update: they had the kidlet! The cats were, as several folks predicted, perfectly fine with the situation and everyone is adjusting splendidly.
posted by aecorwin at 11:43 AM on April 23, 2014
posted by aecorwin at 11:43 AM on April 23, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
1) Baby came home.
2) Cats did the same old thing they always did.
An infant will ignore cats and cats will ignore an infant.
Now I have a two-year-old. She pets the cats sometimes. The cats mostly avoid her because they find her annoying. She doesn't try and play in the litterbox. She might pull a string for the cats to chase once in a while.
Really, there's no dilemma/challenge here.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 12:02 PM on November 20, 2013 [10 favorites]