How to not get a panic attack during road test
November 15, 2013 1:14 PM Subscribe
I failed my road test 3 times. My driving instructors said I'm ready and I have years of experience but the day of the test I choke and freak out.
I've had my permit for 8 years. The first time I failed my test I practically threw up and pissed myself with the nerves. The second time I went into a blank mode of fear. The third time I had a full blown panic attack. It was so bad the conductor of the test had to take over the wheel because I was shaking so bad. I had to explain to her that I was having panic attack and I needed her help. It was MORTIFYING.
The irony: I feel extremely comfortable driving until a test instructor sits next to me. I've driven all over my native NYC, took long trips to Yonkers and NJ. I love driving!
My driving instructors all felt I was ready for the test and were honestly surprised I failed. I cannot afford to pay money for another lesson. I cannot take that damn boring ass 4 hour class again. I can't afford to take another entire day off work to only fail again.
For the record I had severe anxiety and chronic depression 5 years ago. In all aspects of my life I'm okay. Through medication and therapy I resolved many of those issues.
But this still persists. Any thoughts on how I can get through my road test without melting into a pile of failure?
I've had my permit for 8 years. The first time I failed my test I practically threw up and pissed myself with the nerves. The second time I went into a blank mode of fear. The third time I had a full blown panic attack. It was so bad the conductor of the test had to take over the wheel because I was shaking so bad. I had to explain to her that I was having panic attack and I needed her help. It was MORTIFYING.
The irony: I feel extremely comfortable driving until a test instructor sits next to me. I've driven all over my native NYC, took long trips to Yonkers and NJ. I love driving!
My driving instructors all felt I was ready for the test and were honestly surprised I failed. I cannot afford to pay money for another lesson. I cannot take that damn boring ass 4 hour class again. I can't afford to take another entire day off work to only fail again.
For the record I had severe anxiety and chronic depression 5 years ago. In all aspects of my life I'm okay. Through medication and therapy I resolved many of those issues.
But this still persists. Any thoughts on how I can get through my road test without melting into a pile of failure?
Are you still on medication and going to therapy? In your post it sounds past tense but it sounds like you may still need it. At the very least, seeing a therapist and talking through the experience may help you prepare for your next test.
FYI I failed my driving test a couple of times too purely due to having a panic attack as soon as the testing cop gets into the car. Therapy really did help me and I passed the next time.
posted by joan_holloway at 1:21 PM on November 15, 2013
FYI I failed my driving test a couple of times too purely due to having a panic attack as soon as the testing cop gets into the car. Therapy really did help me and I passed the next time.
posted by joan_holloway at 1:21 PM on November 15, 2013
Response by poster: I'm not on medication or in therapy. But I was considering starting therapy again for some other issues.
For some reason I thought once I resolved those past issues that I'd never need therapy again but I guess that I was wrong!
posted by lifeonholidae at 1:24 PM on November 15, 2013
For some reason I thought once I resolved those past issues that I'd never need therapy again but I guess that I was wrong!
posted by lifeonholidae at 1:24 PM on November 15, 2013
As goofy as it sounds, I'd ask for someone who is gentle and kind at the DMV to sit with me. I've found that most people are nice, and will do what they can to accomodate you if you explain what you need calmly and nicely
When you call to make the appointment explain that you have anxiety issues and that you've had poor reactions in the past. Also, would you feel better if someone you knew was able to be in the back seat? Perhaps you can ask that a friend be allowed to sit in the back to assist.
I'd call someone and ask what kinds of accomodations can be made for you.
And based on your update, do try medication and therapy. I'd be a mess if it weren't for Celexa.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:25 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
When you call to make the appointment explain that you have anxiety issues and that you've had poor reactions in the past. Also, would you feel better if someone you knew was able to be in the back seat? Perhaps you can ask that a friend be allowed to sit in the back to assist.
I'd call someone and ask what kinds of accomodations can be made for you.
And based on your update, do try medication and therapy. I'd be a mess if it weren't for Celexa.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:25 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Driving with strangers makes me nervous in general, and while I don't have a panic attack I am liable to miss turns, forget how to get where we're going, and make minor errors that could cause a person to fail a driver's test.
If that's the case for you, could you practice driving with a passenger in the front seat until it starts to feel more normal?
Also, can you dissect rationally what triggers your anxiety exactly? Is it specifically the presence of the instructor? Or is it maybe a reaction to making one tiny mistake (like, say, flubbing the rules at a 4-way stop) snowballing into a straight up panic? Is it the fear of failing again?
For example, from the way you've phrased your question, it seems to me that you're really anxious about the ramifications of failure and probably emphasizing them out of proportion. So can you think calmly about the consequences of failing the test (which are basically nothing, since you don't really have anything to lose besides personal days from work) and sort of get used to the idea that it's going to be OK, if you fail it's not a big deal, etc?
Or, if the failure isn't the problem, if it's something else, can you take the same approach? Separate the experience out into its component parts, figure out what really gets you going, and come up with a script for yourself that will help you cope?
posted by Sara C. at 1:28 PM on November 15, 2013
If that's the case for you, could you practice driving with a passenger in the front seat until it starts to feel more normal?
Also, can you dissect rationally what triggers your anxiety exactly? Is it specifically the presence of the instructor? Or is it maybe a reaction to making one tiny mistake (like, say, flubbing the rules at a 4-way stop) snowballing into a straight up panic? Is it the fear of failing again?
For example, from the way you've phrased your question, it seems to me that you're really anxious about the ramifications of failure and probably emphasizing them out of proportion. So can you think calmly about the consequences of failing the test (which are basically nothing, since you don't really have anything to lose besides personal days from work) and sort of get used to the idea that it's going to be OK, if you fail it's not a big deal, etc?
Or, if the failure isn't the problem, if it's something else, can you take the same approach? Separate the experience out into its component parts, figure out what really gets you going, and come up with a script for yourself that will help you cope?
posted by Sara C. at 1:28 PM on November 15, 2013
There's no easy fix for this, other than extended introspection, and applying steady and consistent work in other areas of your life that are non-driver's license related where this type of anxiety rears its head. I would imagine if your anxiety is so shattering during this test that shades of it appear in other situations where the stakes are relatively high.
Barring that, you may want to investigate taking some steps to obtain a license in another state which shares qualifications with NY.
I don't know if it goes both ways, but in FL if you have a NY driver's license there are no extra requirements other than a nominal fee to obtain a FL license.
Perhaps a fresh start while visiting relatives or friends in another state will provide you with a different enough environmental experience so that you aren't as bothered by the preexisting failures in NY.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:33 PM on November 15, 2013
Barring that, you may want to investigate taking some steps to obtain a license in another state which shares qualifications with NY.
I don't know if it goes both ways, but in FL if you have a NY driver's license there are no extra requirements other than a nominal fee to obtain a FL license.
Perhaps a fresh start while visiting relatives or friends in another state will provide you with a different enough environmental experience so that you aren't as bothered by the preexisting failures in NY.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:33 PM on November 15, 2013
Have you looked in to the idea of an anti-anxiety med specifically for the day of your driving test? Obviously you want to try it before the day of, but that's an option you might explore with your therapist and/or GP.
And, yeah, sometimes you just need a therapy touch-up. Totally normal!
posted by ldthomps at 1:54 PM on November 15, 2013
And, yeah, sometimes you just need a therapy touch-up. Totally normal!
posted by ldthomps at 1:54 PM on November 15, 2013
The driving test is very scary. With the DMV clipboard guy in there, the car becomes a pressure cooker!
Story Time:
I got my license in my twenties, so I got to skip the on-the-road instructor requirement. I went out with my dad a few times, but his car was a stick shift that couldn't go in second gear, so you'd have to hop as fast as possible from first to third and be careful climbing hills, and...well, it was difficult to drive. That car was also missing basic parts like the passenger door handle and the lights sometimes decided not to work, and I worried that the car would disqualify me from the test. So I obsessed over making sure the car was qualified and got good at making sure it wouldn't die on the road (ie, stuff the DMV doesn't really care about) and didn't think that much about the actual driving skills involved in the actual road test. The first time I took the test, I was parked next to a stop-sign, so when I pulled out of the space and drove about three feet, I failed. The second time, I didn't use my turn signal while merging and made a couple other mistakes about following the rules of the road, because apparently my dad doesn't know the rules of the road, either -- I did get to drive the whole route that time, but still failed. The third time, I had to pass or wait quite a while to take the test again, so I was terrified. Beforehand, I insisted on driving the exact test route a bunch of times before going into the DMV. That test was very scary, but I knew the route and each skill being tested, and I was so sick of the whole rigmarole that I wasn't acting like a perfectionist, and I did pass.
My point is, don't concentrate on the things you need to know to be good at real life driving. The driving skill level involved in the road test is very low, passing is more about being able to follow the DMV's directions/regulations. Since you've gone through the test a few times, you already know what those regulations are, and if you've ever driven you are already capable of adequately fulfilling them. Concentrate instead on the specific route that you're going to have to drive for the test, and where you will be demonstrating each of the skills you're required to have. Knowing how to drive in real life doesn't matter unless you know how to get all the driving boxes checked for *that test route.* If you're freaking out, then go over that route again and again until you can do it on autopilot and with muscle memory.
In the moment, if you feel yourself choking, you need to do what people do when they're playing a sport -- you cannot let yourself get into a big thought process about what you're doing or how you're moving, you need to concentrate completely on what is in front of you. Since it's driving, you can't go as laser-focus as "eye on the ball," but you do need to have enough focus that what you're doing with your foot or hand, let alone what the DMV guy is doing with the clipboard, isn't consciously on your mind, you're turning all of your attention to what is going on outside of the car and letting yourself respond to it the way it your body already knows how. Also, if you're getting anxious and need to settle yourself for a minute, take your time. You don't have to be the best driver in the universe, you just need to not fail. So you can drive a little slowly, you can stop for a little long at the stop-sign, etc.
tl, dr:
Go over the route until you feel completely comfortable with it, and know exactly what is being tested at each stage (is this "the stop-sign"? is this the "lane merge"? is this "turning at an intersection?" etc). In the actual test, stay in the moment, keep your attention turned outward, let your familiarity with the route and your car take over and go as much on autopilot concerning that as possible, breathe and take your time.
Also, don't let this undermine your confidence in driving. I was driving in heavy city traffic and back and forth between the coasts not long after (failing twice and finally) getting my license. This isn't about demonstrating your actual driving ability, this is about demonstrating your ability to follow bureaucratic regulations.
posted by rue72 at 2:03 PM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
Story Time:
I got my license in my twenties, so I got to skip the on-the-road instructor requirement. I went out with my dad a few times, but his car was a stick shift that couldn't go in second gear, so you'd have to hop as fast as possible from first to third and be careful climbing hills, and...well, it was difficult to drive. That car was also missing basic parts like the passenger door handle and the lights sometimes decided not to work, and I worried that the car would disqualify me from the test. So I obsessed over making sure the car was qualified and got good at making sure it wouldn't die on the road (ie, stuff the DMV doesn't really care about) and didn't think that much about the actual driving skills involved in the actual road test. The first time I took the test, I was parked next to a stop-sign, so when I pulled out of the space and drove about three feet, I failed. The second time, I didn't use my turn signal while merging and made a couple other mistakes about following the rules of the road, because apparently my dad doesn't know the rules of the road, either -- I did get to drive the whole route that time, but still failed. The third time, I had to pass or wait quite a while to take the test again, so I was terrified. Beforehand, I insisted on driving the exact test route a bunch of times before going into the DMV. That test was very scary, but I knew the route and each skill being tested, and I was so sick of the whole rigmarole that I wasn't acting like a perfectionist, and I did pass.
My point is, don't concentrate on the things you need to know to be good at real life driving. The driving skill level involved in the road test is very low, passing is more about being able to follow the DMV's directions/regulations. Since you've gone through the test a few times, you already know what those regulations are, and if you've ever driven you are already capable of adequately fulfilling them. Concentrate instead on the specific route that you're going to have to drive for the test, and where you will be demonstrating each of the skills you're required to have. Knowing how to drive in real life doesn't matter unless you know how to get all the driving boxes checked for *that test route.* If you're freaking out, then go over that route again and again until you can do it on autopilot and with muscle memory.
In the moment, if you feel yourself choking, you need to do what people do when they're playing a sport -- you cannot let yourself get into a big thought process about what you're doing or how you're moving, you need to concentrate completely on what is in front of you. Since it's driving, you can't go as laser-focus as "eye on the ball," but you do need to have enough focus that what you're doing with your foot or hand, let alone what the DMV guy is doing with the clipboard, isn't consciously on your mind, you're turning all of your attention to what is going on outside of the car and letting yourself respond to it the way it your body already knows how. Also, if you're getting anxious and need to settle yourself for a minute, take your time. You don't have to be the best driver in the universe, you just need to not fail. So you can drive a little slowly, you can stop for a little long at the stop-sign, etc.
tl, dr:
Go over the route until you feel completely comfortable with it, and know exactly what is being tested at each stage (is this "the stop-sign"? is this the "lane merge"? is this "turning at an intersection?" etc). In the actual test, stay in the moment, keep your attention turned outward, let your familiarity with the route and your car take over and go as much on autopilot concerning that as possible, breathe and take your time.
Also, don't let this undermine your confidence in driving. I was driving in heavy city traffic and back and forth between the coasts not long after (failing twice and finally) getting my license. This isn't about demonstrating your actual driving ability, this is about demonstrating your ability to follow bureaucratic regulations.
posted by rue72 at 2:03 PM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
For some reason I thought once I resolved those past issues that I'd never need therapy again but I guess that I was wrong!
Who knows, this may be mostly true. Don't even worry about it. Even people who have not been through the therapy/meds tango have occasional panic attacks or things that freak them out (for a lot of people it's flying or public speaking or stage fright) so you may totally be in the ream of "normal panic" even though that's not super helpful. It may be helpful to get day-of-test anti-anxiety meds to take the edge off. I'd try them out some other day first, just to make sure they don't put you to sleep, but this is a manageable issue and you should be able to work your way through it. Congrats on getting this far.
posted by jessamyn at 2:19 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Who knows, this may be mostly true. Don't even worry about it. Even people who have not been through the therapy/meds tango have occasional panic attacks or things that freak them out (for a lot of people it's flying or public speaking or stage fright) so you may totally be in the ream of "normal panic" even though that's not super helpful. It may be helpful to get day-of-test anti-anxiety meds to take the edge off. I'd try them out some other day first, just to make sure they don't put you to sleep, but this is a manageable issue and you should be able to work your way through it. Congrats on getting this far.
posted by jessamyn at 2:19 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you're still in NYC, is there another place in New York state you could travel to take the test? Take a good friend with you (even if the friend can't be in the car). Obviously, it would be best if it was place you were familiar with, but a calmer traffic situation may help you out. Also, finding a quieter, less-busy DMV may mean you can explain the issue to the tester beforehand (and I think that's OK)
If you can learn the route beforehand (which may not be possible, but most places do a have a fixed route), practicing would definitely help too.
I didn't get my license for a really long time due to feeling really anxious about the whole thing & having a really cruel driving instructor. Eventually, I was at the point where I absolutely had to get my license and failing wasn't an option. It was a really stressful situation but knowing it needed to happen actually gave me confidence.
posted by darksong at 2:34 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you can learn the route beforehand (which may not be possible, but most places do a have a fixed route), practicing would definitely help too.
I didn't get my license for a really long time due to feeling really anxious about the whole thing & having a really cruel driving instructor. Eventually, I was at the point where I absolutely had to get my license and failing wasn't an option. It was a really stressful situation but knowing it needed to happen actually gave me confidence.
posted by darksong at 2:34 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Have you looked in to the idea of an anti-anxiety med specifically for the day of your driving test?
Yeah, this sounds like the kind of situation beta-blockers are made for.
posted by capricorn at 3:06 PM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
Yeah, this sounds like the kind of situation beta-blockers are made for.
posted by capricorn at 3:06 PM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm chomping at the bit to suggest all sorts of big-picture changes ("meditation" being atop the list). But you're not asking for that. So I'll give you my very best shot to help you through this one single event. The following will work, but you need to really take it to heart.
Your job is to love the examiner and let him know it's all going to be ok. Understand that he's nerve-wracked, habitually, having to step into cars with inexperienced strangers at the wheel day after day (plus to absorb all their nervousness). He's probably got an ulcer. And TMJ. And anxiety issues at least as bad as yours.
And so.....be kind. Be heartful. For at least the 5 mins he's with you, try with all your might to soothe him...via your driving. Drive smoothly. Calmly. Confidently. As if you were putting at ease a nervous child who you love more than life itself. Let him see that he's going to be ok. Express with your steering wheel and pedals and breathing that you love him and want him to be well. Your nervousness, for five minutes is nothing when you consider what this guy's life is like. It's awful. Fill yourself with sympathy and sweat tears in your earnest effort to send him soothing, comforting, reassuring vibes through your helmsmanship of this car.
As you arrive at the test, remember what you're there for: to help the examiner, who needs your TLC. You're there to do a good deed and salve his day. So dig deep into your heart to help someone with probably worse anxiety issues than you do. Make this the single most sincere and spiritual act of charity you do all month.
If you do it like that, you'll be fine.
posted by Quisp Lover at 4:06 PM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
Your job is to love the examiner and let him know it's all going to be ok. Understand that he's nerve-wracked, habitually, having to step into cars with inexperienced strangers at the wheel day after day (plus to absorb all their nervousness). He's probably got an ulcer. And TMJ. And anxiety issues at least as bad as yours.
And so.....be kind. Be heartful. For at least the 5 mins he's with you, try with all your might to soothe him...via your driving. Drive smoothly. Calmly. Confidently. As if you were putting at ease a nervous child who you love more than life itself. Let him see that he's going to be ok. Express with your steering wheel and pedals and breathing that you love him and want him to be well. Your nervousness, for five minutes is nothing when you consider what this guy's life is like. It's awful. Fill yourself with sympathy and sweat tears in your earnest effort to send him soothing, comforting, reassuring vibes through your helmsmanship of this car.
As you arrive at the test, remember what you're there for: to help the examiner, who needs your TLC. You're there to do a good deed and salve his day. So dig deep into your heart to help someone with probably worse anxiety issues than you do. Make this the single most sincere and spiritual act of charity you do all month.
If you do it like that, you'll be fine.
posted by Quisp Lover at 4:06 PM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
I have to bring up meditation, because doing that regularly for awhile helped me get through a self-defense class exam (you know, the one where you get attacked 3 times). I bombed out of that the first time I took it, did great the second time. Do it for ten minutes a day regularly, trying to get yourself to a place where you chill out faster. I did a lot of deep breathing in the DMV before my tests too. Good luck!
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:00 PM on November 15, 2013
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:00 PM on November 15, 2013
Have a friend with a clipboard go with you and test you on your driving a bunch of times. Make it as much like the real driving test as possible. Get a talisman, maybe something to keep on the dash. While driving, touch it (at a light or stop sign) and consciously take a deep breath, releasing tension as you exhale, and consciously relaxing and centering yourself. Carry it with you on these tests, if you've taught your body to release tension when you touch it, it will do that during the test. Before the test, no caffeine, and read or watch something that makes you laugh, to reduce your stress.
posted by theora55 at 12:09 PM on November 16, 2013
posted by theora55 at 12:09 PM on November 16, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
This is basically exposure therapy with the goal of making the test just another thing you have done many times before.
I guess there are pharmaceutical options too but mixing those with driving seems like a poor idea unless you have a precise understanding of how exactly they impact you.
posted by milqman at 1:20 PM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]