Am I a Donna Juanita?
November 6, 2013 3:17 PM   Subscribe

How real is porn/sex addiction? And is it different for women?

I've haven't seen the movies Don Juan or Shame, but I've read a lot about them and wonder if I have the same issues as the main characters. Shortened as much as I can:
I've been masturbating since I was 5, or as long as I can remember, but I didn't know what sex was until I was 10 and my male cousin showed me scrambled porn on cable. Then I developed a habit of sneaking in the den to I watch cinemax on super low volume after my parents went to bed. I was a virgin through high school, but was secretly flirtatious with many boys. I went a little wild in college, but always responsible. Out of college I lived with 2 guy housemates. I was 'one of the guys' and they reveled in my tales of conquests. I've always prided myself in being an average looking girl that has been able to 'bag' above-average looking guys, but this is something I don't brag to my girlfriends about. I've probably slept with over 30 guys, a number which I think would shock my girlfriends (I say their numbers are closer to 2-10)
I've had a couple longterm boyfriends. The last one disappointed me sexually. Since then I have been living alone and watching porn every night, unless I'm working out or at a bar trolling for dick (yes I have a social life, but I'm saying I have a secret life as well). I prefer younger guys as they are easier, have better bodies and usually eager to please (ie better at oral). Usually I don't let them sleep over. I have a 'sexy' pen pal in another country who I met/fucked on vacation who writes me personalized erotica when I ask for it.
I objectify men. I obsess with certain actors and athletes. The porn I watch is usually 90s era and earlier, and only recent stuff if it stars James Deen (because what porn-loving gal doesn't love him?) or the 'classy stuff'. Sometimes I'm up later than I want to be masturbating. I've masturbated twice at work (on the floor of a one stall restroom--yuck) and twice had sex in public places (once caught by a cop). I always use protection and I'm not into anal or scary stuff like choking. I've broken a couple hearts...good guys that were looking for a nurse/mommy and thats not me.

I'm not sure if I feel bad or empty about all this. I guess I'm wondering if porn or sex addiction is a real thing, what it means to be a woman with this affliction, and what to do about it. Or does this all sound pretty normal, or at least maybe the new normal in a postfeminist society?
posted by anonymous to Society & Culture (31 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a real thing, read up on it.

You've been caught doing the dirty by a cop, and you're jilling it up at work, so it's definitely time to start figuring this shit out, even if it's just to prevent an embarrassing situation from occurring in the future.
posted by oceanjesse at 3:24 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


You sound pretty awesome to me. I am 34 and I've slept with about twice as many people as you, and in the last few years I have been able to grab hot younger guys as well! Nom. You sound like a sexually confident woman. If you and your partners are having a good time and it is safe sex, go for it.

Sexual openness is only a problem if it's a problem. If it makes you lie or get arrested or lose your job, it's a problem. Cut the masturbation and find cock more safely, perhaps with swinging or kink communities. If you need help stopping the compulsion, find a sex positive therapist. 12 step groups stress abstinence from the substance or activity that is a problem for you, and that's not the only option.

Feel free to pm me or email me for a listening ear anytime.
posted by Mistress at 3:27 PM on November 6, 2013 [14 favorites]


Are you happy? You sound pretty ok/happy with it, and aware that some societal norms (I'm assuming you're US-ian) would cause others to make judgements about you. Does that make you feel like you're hiding something intrinsic to who you are? I would guess that you'd be very surprised by your friends' reactions if you told them the truth about how sexually active you are. If you told me (30s, female, in the 2-10 number of partners that you describe above) I'd be completely ok hearing about it and it would in no way change how I felt about you. I would be concerned to know whether you are taking precautions to keep yourself and your partners safe, and getting tested regularly - but at the same level of concern as my concern for friends who are smokers.

My only question for you would be whether you've objectified the men you're in long-term relationships with. No? Great. Still open to the possibility of another relationship with someone who meets your needs beyond a one-night stand? Also great.

I think we all fall somewhere on the Kinsey scale of sexuality (both in terms of amount of expression of that desire, and our orientation in terms of the kinds of partners that appeal to us). You sound like you fall on one end of the scale of desire - great! I have friends who fall on the opposite end of the scale (e.g., identify as asexual). Also great!

It sounds to me like you're having fun - but wondering if those closest to you would judge you if they knew the real you. Reach out - try telling one. I think you'll be surprised by their reaction. And if it isn't a positive reaction, standard metafilter line: new friends (I'm available to be your winggal in Atlanta, and if you're one of my friends, I would 100% support you and be delighted by your happiness).

Good luck!
posted by arnicae at 3:30 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


To answer your question at the end - in my social networks, casual sex as part of social life is a fairly visible, and fairly acceptable, minority.
posted by Mistress at 3:31 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


Here is a piece by a sex therapist on sex addiction.
posted by munchingzombie at 3:33 PM on November 6, 2013


None of what you say sounds particularly "abnormal" to me. But whether it's normal or not is pretty much beside the point in terms of the question you're asking.

Porn and sex addiction is a real thing, but it's an open question whether or not you have it. That's because the definition of an addiction is that your behavior is compulsive to the point that it interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health.

Some things in your post are suggestive that this MIGHT be the case (masturbating at work and having sex in public places.) But, you've done those all of twice. Were you just experimenting with taking risks a couple of times, something a lot of people have done, or is this a compulsion and you're going to keep doing it until you get fired or get arrested? Do you "obsess" about actors and athletes to the point that you compulsively think about them all day and might be working your way up to stalking, or do you mean you have sexual fantasies about them every now and then when you're feeling horny?

In short, are you normal? Who cares? None of what you said sounds bizarre to me, but other people might differ ... neither of which matters. Are you compelled to do these things to the point that you will be unable to stop even if doing so is clearly becoming stupid and dangerous?

If yes, seek help. If no, then enjoy your sexing.
posted by kyrademon at 3:33 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


You sound a lot like me. Is it negatively impacting your life? If so, seek help. Do what you need to do for you. If not, enjoy.

I match your profile about 95% (never had sex in a public space) and I am perfectly happy with my ways. I expect them to mellow as I get older. The only time they've negatively impacted my life is yes, breaking the hearts of good men who are looking for someone to look after them, which ultimately I don't think is anyone's fault. The only other downside is the typical struggle of monogamy, which I think many people experience.

Good luck!
posted by stoneandstar at 3:39 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


Sexual openness is only a problem if it's a problem. If it makes you lie or get arrested or lose your job, it's a problem. Cut the masturbation and find cock more safely, perhaps with swinging or kink communities.

Not a problem if this advice works for you, but I would advise differently-- masturbation is great, you don't sound like you have a problem with it (from what I can tell), and I think your modes of finding men are fine (swinging and kink communities have their difficulties too, and I feel uncomfortable in them).
posted by stoneandstar at 3:43 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Datapoint: you've basically described a lot of my gay male friends, more so when they were younger, none of whom has a sex/porn addiction or has thier sex life mess up thier lives, personal or professional. Nothing you've described would've been out of place and you actually seem more responsible then a lot of my friends.
posted by The Whelk at 3:46 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


No one would blink an eye at this behavior if you were a man, gay or straight. Of course, if you are unhappy or truly think you are addicted to sex, you should get help. But nothing you wrote leads me to think that. And I don't think any of the behavior you described is impacting your life. In fact, I think you're admirable!
posted by bearette at 3:52 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


There are red flags.

You:

Pride yourself on "bagging" certain men
Go out "trolling for dick"
See younger men as "easier"
Crossed the sexual legal line at least once

These are incidents and attitudes pointing to unhealthy if not destructive behavior, whether you are a man or woman. It's a major step to write this question here - I would take the next step with a therapist. Good luck.
posted by Kruger5 at 3:53 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm not sure if I feel bad or empty about all this.

I think that's the bit you need to figure out. If you'd ended your question with "I'm totally happy with my life, but should I be?" I'd say yes as long as you're being safe and enjoying it then fill your boots and who cares what anyone says? But you sound more concerned than fulfilled. Only you can figure out if its making you happy or not.

The little red flag for me was the "average looking woman but can get above-average looking men" part. That may ring a personal bell for me, because I know there was definitely a period in my life where I used sex to bolster my low self-esteem and that wasnt healthy for me. Again, only you can know if it's similar for you or not.

The difference between an interest and addiction is when your life follows the activity and not the other way around. Do you love it or do you need it, and if it's the latter, what need are you trying to meet? Sorry to be predictable, but maybe a couple of sessions with a therapist might help you figure out your questions. And if at the end you decide that you're perfectly happy with how things are then you don't have to answer to anyone, just enjoy yourself.
posted by billiebee at 4:29 PM on November 6, 2013 [6 favorites]


I'm always highly suspicious of the use of the term "addiction" in reference to things that are not physically addictive. Yes, psychological compulsions exist, but heroin addiction, for example, clearly exists and has physical symptoms, while "marijuana addiction" is almost entirely a farce designed to justify locking up poor minorities.

If you're unhappy with your behavior or feel it's harming you, you might want to talk to a therapist. But don't let silly pop-culture stuff make you feel like you necessarily have a "problem."
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:33 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's only a problem if it's a problem, as others have said. There's nothing intrinsically shameful or bad about having a lot of sex, watching porn, or masturbating. You sound like you're being responsible about safe sex, which is good although you only mention "protection" which I assume means condoms. You might want to look into hormonal birth control or an IUD as well if you haven't already, and you should be getting annual STD tests if you aren't already doing that. Talk to your sex-positive doctor (Don't have a sex-positive doctor? Get one, or visit a Planned Parenthood.) about your options as far as minimizing your risk of infection or unwanted pregnancy. Some STDs have vaccines now, and there are others for which you might want to get tested more than once a year or for which you might want to be aware of post-exposure prophylaxis options. Might not be a bad idea to keep a course of Plan B around the house either.

Another thing you could do as far as minimizing your risk is get yourself a regular Friend With Benefits. If you had someone you could go to on the regular for sex (not necessarily exclusively, but regularly) then you would have fewer new partners which would be less risky. You also would have someone you could hit up for a booty call if you didn't feel like going to the bar to pick someone up! Win-win. Just make sure that if you go this route that you have a clear agreement with your FWB about exclusivity (or lack thereof), emotional attachment (or lack thereof), STD testing, etc. You want this relationship to be drama-free, and making sure that you're both on the same page is the way to do that.

Some things you mention do seem like potential problems, albeit not overwhelming life-is-out-of-control ones. If I were you I would cut back on the sex/masturbation in risky places (don't masturbate, have sex, or watch porn at work! don't have sex outdoors where a cop might see you!) but other than that you sound fine unless you are spending so much time in these activities that it's making it hard for you to keep the rest of your life together. Are you upholding the rest of your responsibilities, e.g. performing at work, being a good person to your friends and loved ones, taking reasonable care of yourself and your home? If so then you don't have much to worry about.

The only other thing that bothers me is that you mention that you objectify men. If I were in your shoes, I would be working to stop doing this. Objectifying anyone is never a good thing as far as being a responsible and compassionate human being. It's totally possible to want to have casual sex with someone while still being fully cognizant of their essential humanity. When we objectify people we dehumanize them and open the door for ourselves to rationalize exploiting and harming them. Casual sex is fine per se, but if your "conquests" are hurting the people who you're fucking then that's not fine. Sex should be a positive experience for everyone involved. It should never be hurtful.

Other than that, it sounds like your biggest problem is the shame you are feeling and the fact that you feel like you are leading a double life. I bet your friends wouldn't be as shocked as you think if you disclosed to them that you are a lot more sexually active than they've been led to believe. If you think this is something that's an important part of you, you should figure out a way to open up to your friends about it. You don't need to spill all your guts, mind you. It would be sort of weird if a friend of mine dumped everything you said above on me all at once (though it's fine here on AskMe, of course). However if I learned that an adult female friend of mine had had 30+ partners and was not planning on slowing down anytime soon, I would be very un-shocked. That's not a ridiculous number of partners -- it's probably more than average, but some people are more promiscuous than others. It's not really that much of a big deal. I might choose to hold back on the whole "masturbating at work, got caught fucking in public by a cop, spend most evenings either watching porn or cruising for sex" bit, but the broad strokes of it should be no big deal.

Have fun out there! Be safe! Be kind!
posted by Scientist at 4:33 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


Re-reading your post, I definitely don't think "porn or sex addiction" is your problem in a vacuum. You might have some issues that could be helped by talking to a therapist (as do almost all of us). But boiling it down to a pop-culture buzzword that sells movie tickets may be a bit of a red herring.
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:35 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


It sounds like you're conflating two things that it might be better to keep separate.

1) You like sex a lot. You like watching it, you like thinking about it, you like doing it with yourself, you like doing it with other people, and you indulge in all that stuff pretty often — but it sounds like 99% of the time you do it in a way that's safe and harmless.

2) On the other hand, it sounds from your post like there are a couple of times when you feel like you've crossed a boundary that you shouldn't have crossed: done something that hurt another person, or put you in danger, or just left you feeling gross or sad or uncomfortable.

It sounds like in your head Thing 1 is leading to Thing 2 — like you're telling yourself "If I keep masturbating at home and having casual consensual sex, then inevitably I'll keep breaking people's hearts and getting busted in public with my pants down." But it doesn't have to be like that, and it definitely isn't like that for everyone. Some people have really active sex lives (lots of Thing 1) but have good boundaries and don't often do shit they don't like (barely any Thing 2). And some people are late bloomers, inexperienced, not big porn consumers etc etc etc (barely any Thing 1) but still have trouble with boundaries and end up doing shit they'd rather not be doing (too much Thing 2).

The point being, I guess, worry about the stuff that's a problem but don't feel obligated to worry about the stuff that isn't a problem. And you get to decide what's a problem: like, if pen-pal porn makes you happy, then feel free to decide it's a good thing; but if it makes you sad or upset for whatever reason, then you're also allowed to decide that it's not such a good thing for you and to put it on the list of Shit I Don't Do Anymore.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 4:36 PM on November 6, 2013 [5 favorites]


"Trolling for dick" suggests a crude, objectifying, unhealthy attitude toward sex. Crowing about your "conquests" to roommates equally so. No, it doesn't sound normal.
posted by jayder at 4:39 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


A lot of your question comes off as a description of how you want men to see you - at least to me. That could be an issue, if it's the case.

The amount of sex and porn, that's not really something anyone but you needs to have an opinion of.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:46 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


I agree with those who say that the amount of sex/masturbation/etc. that you have in your life doesn't seem particularly unusual to me -- certainly nowhere near the level I would associate with compulsive behavior. I think that a sense of confusion about what's "normal" (whatever that is) and perhaps not knowing how to relate consistently to men as peers may be more of what's feeling problematic for you, and might be issues that you'd find useful to explore with a feminist/sex-positive therapist. But as long as you are having fun and being safe and respectful (to yourself and others), my own opinion is that you should keep on keeping on.
posted by scody at 5:01 PM on November 6, 2013


You know, one more thing. You've framed this post in what sounds to me like a deliberately crude way. By talking about "tales of your conquests" rather than "fond memories," or "trolling for dick" rather than "looking for partners," you're really inviting us to view you as heartless and destructive and so on.

But we don't know you! As far as we're concerned, okay, it could be that you really are heartless and destructive. Or it could be that you like the idea of being seen as heartless and destructive. Or it could be that you're a perfectly nice person who's afraid of being heartless and destructive — or worried about being seen that way. Or it could be that you're trying to punish yourself by getting us to call you out as heartless and destructive. Or... well, etcetera.

Long story short, you've clearly got some complicated emotional shit going on here, but none of us actually has any idea what sort of emotional shit it is. The best we can do is guess and project. So that actually seems like something where therapy could be really helpful. I am absolutely not saying "You are a fucked up sex addict and you need help." What I am saying is "Look, whether or not there's anything wrong with your sex life, it sounds like you've got a big ol' pile of messy feelings surrounding it, and you could probably use a sounding board and a reality check on those from someone who knows you better than us internet strangers."
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 5:07 PM on November 6, 2013 [22 favorites]


When you're trying to determine if your behavior is a problem or requires action, sometimes it helps to ask: Are you hurting others? Are you hurting yourself? Consistently? Do you go on doing hurtful or damaging things things after you realize they are hurtful and damaging?

More info:

These articles describe women who feel compelled to engage in sexual behavior even when they don't really want to and don't really take enjoyment in it.

According to Psychology Today (the last article linked) the criteria for sexual addiction are:

1. The inability to control a sexual behavior (such as an inability to stop in spite of promises to self or others to do so, in spite of periods of being able to stop).

2. Continued behavior in spite of negative consequences (such as terror or shame, decreased work productivity, financial strain, loss of relationship, depression, substance or food abuse).

3. Obsessive thoughts in planning or obtaining sex (neglecting family, relationship, or career because of time spent preoccupied with sex or sexual partners).


Much of what you describe does not seem that unusual to me - I have many friends who are very frank about their sexuality, and I know women who seek out multiple sex partners and others who have had very few, and I have friends who are into public places and who have jilled off at work. But you and those closer to you would know better whether your behavior is hurting yourself or others.

I hope some of the answers here have been helpful to you. Good luck!
posted by bunderful at 5:45 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


What does it matter what the Internet thinks? You don't need to slap a label on yourself to talk to someone about your behavior and how you feel about it.
posted by sm1tten at 5:56 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you don't feel bad about it, don't feel bad about it. The only things that made me raise my eyebrows were masturbating at work and getting busted but those things, in my opinion, are not that big of a deal.

I guess my questions would be, can you take a break and is this preventing you from getting what you want out of life? If you can't stop, IMO, that's a concern. And if you want a husband, 2.5 kids and a picket fence within the next year, this might be a problem. Otherwise, stay safe, have fun, and don't feel badly about yourself.
posted by kat518 at 6:07 PM on November 6, 2013


You sound like you're happy the way you are.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:22 PM on November 6, 2013


Now there are two. There are two _______.: "You know, one more thing. You've framed this post in what sounds to me like a deliberately crude way. By talking about "tales of your conquests" rather than "fond memories," or "trolling for dick" rather than "looking for partners," you're really inviting us to view you as heartless and destructive and so on. ... Look, whether or not there's anything wrong with your sex life, it sounds like you've got a big ol' pile of messy feelings surrounding it"

Yes, all I could focus on was the way this is written. OP, I don't think any of the things you describe are necessarily bad or abnormal, but your descriptions feel...inauthentic. Cliched. Or maybe trying too hard? I don't know anyone that really talks like this:

they reveled in my tales of conquests
able to 'bag' above-average looking guys
trolling for dick
the new normal in a postfeminist society


and especially this:

James Deen (because what porn-loving gal doesn't love him?)

Me! I don't! (Besides, is there any genre of entertainment that is more niche than porn?)

I'd examine whether or not this person you describe is the real you. If it is, then be safe and carry on!


posted by Room 641-A at 6:38 PM on November 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


Well, you've framed this question in a pretty provocative way. LOL

if porn or sex addiction is a real thing, what it means to be a woman with this affliction, and what to do about it

There's a 12 step program. It is about 20% women, same as AA.

does this all sound pretty normal

If you take away the hyper-sexual language, along with the hints of statutory rape and incest, basically you were a late bloomer who now has ~30 lifetime partners. I'd imagine that describes dozens if not hundreds of people who will see your question. Does that make it normal? Well, what are your plans? Do you feel happy as you pursue them? Do your actions work at cross-purposes with your stated goals? Because there's normal and then there's what is right for you.
posted by 99percentfake at 7:59 PM on November 6, 2013


If it bothers you, it's worth seeking help.

If it doesn't bother you, don't worry about it.

(I would say that showing a 10-year-old porn does generally fit into the definition of childhood sexual abuse. If your behavior bothers you, you might want to research symptoms of adults abused as children. Again, though, if the symptoms don't fit and/or your behavior isn't causing problems for you -- and you don't ever escalate to the point of exploiting or abusing other people -- then, really, you're fine.)
posted by jaguar at 8:06 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


You could sleep with 1 person or 100 people in a lifetime, it sort of doesn't matter the number - but everyone still needs to define what THEIR healthy boundaries are around sex, at least at some point. It's so different for everyone. This doesn't mean you're an addict at all, but it might mean you need you need to redefine how sexuality and sensuality play out for you. Sex is powerful and worth feeling into deeply because it raises so many other questions. What is real pleasure? What is intimacy? When do we need to push the edges of our sexual selves and explore, and when do we need more containment around it?

When is sex just for shits and giggles and feeling good and getting off, and when is it being used to avoid feeling what's beneath the surface and deeper intimacy (with yourself or someone else?)

I don't know what that is for you. It's worth exploring though :)
posted by Rocket26 at 8:09 PM on November 6, 2013


Ummm.
Honestly I was expecting you to have a higher number. No idea as to your age, but I get the impression anywhere from mid twenties onwards, so if you divide it by year, it's not that many if you haven't really been in many long term relationships.

How normal are you?
A pretty unreliable poll has 31% of men having masturbated at work, so if you've done it twice, well, it's not something everybody has done, but it's not that far off the curve.

The sex in a public place? I think you should have a point of not involving people in your sex life non-consensually, and sex where other people could see is kind of that. If you've only had sex in a public place twice, that's... well that's really not anything shocking, but you either picked a bad place if you got caught by a cop, or were tremendously unlucky. Are you counting outdoor sex as sex in public? I'm a bit confused, but I guess I don't need this clarified.

I'm all for equal opportunity objectification, as long as there is time, and place, and you aren't being creepy to people in person. So I'm not seeing anything wrong with the porn, in and of itself.


It's kind of worded to shock. But, honestly, all I'm seeing it as, is - would any of this be terribly shocking from a guy? No.
Are girls held to a different (double) standard in society? Yes.
Is this unfair? Yes.

At no point have you said you have acted in a coercive manner with a sexual partner, or been untoward to your partners (other than not wanting the same things from a partner, and breaking up. Big woop). As a feminist, accept that you aren't doing anything that would be held as particularly bad, from a guy, and that you have no obligation to take on that societal expectation as your own internalized guilt. Be a touch discreet, because it's not your job to be Rosa Parks, but just try and let go of the sexist guilt trip.



If it's really causing hang ups, maybe a sex friendly therapist? Well, that'd be the askmefi answer, but honestly, I would -

Socialise in the sorts of circles where you don't view yourself as oversexed, or slutty, in comparison. Fetlife social meetups, and more gay gays in your social circle.
If you have a high sex drive (sexual need), but society says what you're doing is wrong, in order to get the need met you sometimes kind of... view yourself as a stereotype? It's a kind of defense mechanism. Like - that's right, I AM a slut! 'Don Juanita'. Because it's that or not getting your needs met. And they are needs.
So, hanging out with people who view you as normal, can allow yourself to kind of relax on the defense mechanism, and ironically, not need to 'act out' in defense of those needs. Or at the very least, it can help let go of the guilt trip.


If your high sex drive ever really bugs you, try out different versions of the pill, seeing as I've seen plenty of people have their sex drive tank by taking the wrong one (I'm being mostly facetious here).
posted by Elysum at 2:45 AM on November 7, 2013


OK, wow, So you grew up watching Emmanuel behind your parent's back, enjoy pretty standard, fun sex, stopped counting after 20 and go to bars with the intention of hooking up, and have vacation flings?!? Are you trolling me (and a freaktonne of other women)? You are completely normal. Keep the sex and masturbation out of work, don't get any more public than "the woods" and just keep on keepin on.
posted by WeekendJen at 8:11 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


There are a couple of things to pick apart here. Part of why you're questioning your sexuality may have to do with your being more active than the people that you socialize with, and part of the reaction of some of the other people on this thread may be the same. My reaction is, you've masturbated at work twice? You've had sex in public twice? (And I'm guessing that the "caught by a cop" situation didn't result in an arrest or fine.) I don't think of myself as a sex addict, but I've done both of those things more than twice. A real sex addict would probably look at your list in the same light as an alcoholic looking at someone who has a couple of beers every night and, once or twice, maybe shouldn't have driven home from a night on the town. (Of course, you really don't want to get caught having sex in public again, as it might result in registration as a sex offender.)

The thing that sticks out for me, really, is this: "I'm not sure if I feel bad or empty about all this." Maybe you mean that you're not sure if you should feel bad or empty about it, but if you really can't tell how you feel about something, that's something that you might want to address through therapy.
posted by Deja Stu at 12:30 PM on November 7, 2013


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