Yar, I need to flirt with a pirate.
October 30, 2013 7:03 PM   Subscribe

Tomorrow I (a single dad) will be volunteering at my child's Halloween Party. I have been flirting with a cute single mom for a while now and I have advance knowledge that she will be coming as a pirate. I'm in need of a good pirate/nautical opening line that can be delivered in a kindergarten setting.

Extra information: I can take it from there, just looking for something witty/flirty. I'll be coming straight from work, so I've got a Superman logo tee under my button up shirt à la Clark Kent, if that's useful at all.

Best I've come up with so far is "Permission to come aboard, Cap'n?" which is probably a touch too much.
posted by unixrat to Human Relations (38 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Arrr ye interested in a mug o ale sometime?

I was a cabin boy for the Dread Pirate Roberts a while ....
posted by tilde at 7:15 PM on October 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


Believe it or not, you can just google "pirate pick up lines" and be exposed to a treasure trove of material.

But my favorite so far, especially for a kindergarten setting, is just "arrrrrrrr you free this Saturday".
posted by Perplexity at 7:15 PM on October 30, 2013 [59 favorites]


* Do you know why they call me Long John Silver?
* Something with "booty"
posted by Tanizaki at 7:23 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]




Wear an eyepatch and say, "I've had my EYE on you..." (lifting the eyepatch) "...for a long time."
posted by xingcat at 7:26 PM on October 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


You're Superman, the crime fighter. She's a pirate and presumably commits crimes on a regular basis. If you talk like a pirate that's confusing.

You can just say that normally, as Superman, you feel obligated to make a citizen's arrest on encountering pirates but you really hope she is one of the good guys.
posted by steinwald at 7:41 PM on October 30, 2013 [35 favorites]


If you'd prefer to fly rather than sail for a while, let me know. Your parrot can tag along if he wants.
posted by Youremyworld at 7:41 PM on October 30, 2013 [8 favorites]


Oh and I agree with steinwald, stay in the Superman/Clarke character.
posted by Youremyworld at 7:42 PM on October 30, 2013 [6 favorites]


"i've always admired the pirate lifestyle. may i be the first person this evening to suggest that we should seize some booty together sometime?"
posted by bruce at 7:44 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


"Swell costume, Lois."
posted by vrakatar at 7:44 PM on October 30, 2013 [111 favorites]


also: "a figure like yours, you belong on the prow of the ship, not the fo'c'sle."
posted by bruce at 7:47 PM on October 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh my goodness, those are awf--err, very nice, I'm sure, everyone, but perhaps an icebreaker would be better to start with than a booty call?

How about something simple like one-liners from Pirates of the Caribbean, since anyone dressed as a pirate will certainly have seen it:

You: "I've been waiting for the opportune moment."
(She asks the opportune moment for what, you say, "To ask if you'd like to go out for a drink", etc.)

You: "Why is the rum gone?" Or "Hide the rum!"
(She mentions wishing there was some rum or something stronger to drink, you suggest the two of you meet up for one, etc.) (Note: if her reply to you indicates she is a non-drinker, suggest coffee instead).

Or you could try for more eloquence:
You: Ah, a pirate! "I invoke the right of parlay. According to the Code of the brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you have to take me to your Captain now." (Suggestive Grin)
(To which she will likely remind you that the Code is more like guidelines, really, and you're off and running.)
posted by misha at 7:51 PM on October 30, 2013 [10 favorites]


"Ahoy, matey!"
posted by BlahLaLa at 8:06 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh god, please don't say anything to her about her "booty" in front of a roomful of 5 year olds.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 8:29 PM on October 30, 2013 [62 favorites]


"Which part of Yemen are you from?"
posted by ethnomethodologist at 8:41 PM on October 30, 2013 [7 favorites]


What about some gold chocolate coins to give to her on arrival?
posted by Youremyworld at 8:41 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wear a bunch of green candy around your neck ( maybe a necklace of green foil wrapped mint chocolates, or green jellies or green hard candies or green gummi worms or something). Pretend that it is kryptonite and beg her to rescue you by eating the candy. if the candy is coin or gem shaped, that will help with the pirate theme
posted by Bwithh at 9:04 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


oh oh oh, you can select just the green ones from packs of Fruit Loops breakfast cereal or maybe you can get a green-colored roll of Life Saver or equivalent candies. Then they will be easy to loop onto a string necklace. You can wear lots of these all over as "chains" if you really get into it too
posted by Bwithh at 9:06 PM on October 30, 2013


Kids + pick up lines = sleazy

That said, you might be able to get away with "Hello, Sailor!".

vrakatar has it nailed though. Stay in character and provide entertainment for the kids as a duo (Clark Kent vs. the Pirate). It'll get you more points than any pick up line.
posted by benzenedream at 9:41 PM on October 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


Bwithh, this is a kindergarten setting, per the OP, who is looking for an opening line. I think he and the single mom in question probably do not want to go straight into eating off of each other's bodies in front of their kids and classmates.

OP, you sound like you have enough common sense not to go off the deep end with this. You are both single parents. Flirtatious is fun and fine! Stick with your instincts and resist the over-the-top corny stuff and you'll be fine.
posted by misha at 9:43 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


I like the one above "nice costume Lois". I googled "what would superman say to a pirate" and this is the top link, so that was no help at all. You are pioneers in establishing Superman/Pirate relations!
posted by Admira at 9:47 PM on October 30, 2013 [18 favorites]


I'm the treasure you are looking for.
posted by Dansaman at 9:48 PM on October 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nthing "Nice costume, Lois!" as long as you are in obvious Superman mode so it won't be confusing. It accomplishes many things at once.
posted by Camofrog at 10:30 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


"I bet you've seen a lot of treasure chests in your time, but I bet you never saw a chest like mine" and then you rip on your shirt to show off your Superman logo.
posted by Bwithh at 10:36 PM on October 30, 2013 [17 favorites]




'That costume, it be rated ARRRRRRR.' *hand her one of the snacks you picked up on the way in*
posted by Trivia Newton John at 11:19 PM on October 30, 2013


Greet her as a bonny lass. Charm her with your knowledge of women pirates.
posted by maggieb at 1:06 AM on October 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


As Bonny Anne.
posted by brujita at 1:15 AM on October 31, 2013


"So that's why they call it 'booty'."
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:41 AM on October 31, 2013


Excuse me, citizen, but it appears you are engaged in an illegal lifestyle. Might we step aside and consider other possibilities?
posted by Samizdata at 1:42 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


If you have been flirting with her for a while, start some pirate conversation and then move quickly to asking her out on a real date.
posted by jazh at 4:22 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


'Arr, let us have a coffee together, me hearty'. Just ask her.
posted by h00py at 5:02 AM on October 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I join the folks saying you should stay in costume as Superman and say something that alludes to her piracy. In fact,

"Ma'am, I'm afraid your days of piracy have not gone unnoticed by this defender of Metropolis. Would you see your way clear to accompanying me this Friday evening for a citizen's arrest?"
posted by corb at 6:52 AM on October 31, 2013 [10 favorites]


Oh, man.

I don't know this woman, but I, personally, would back slowly away from a pre-rehearsed line. It feels like the classic "trying too hard." I see this going kind of awkwardly.

But to answer your question, "Hey, Sailor!" is cute. Simple, not terribly rehearsed, cute, and gets you out of "pirate/superman talk" pretty quickly—so you can get down to the sincere business of asking her out.
posted by ulfberht at 9:22 AM on October 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


You could print out this thread and read out the suggestions to her in a meta way and then just go like oh screw it and ask her out
posted by Bwithh at 9:26 AM on October 31, 2013


[Comments removed. Stop the metadiscussion, promptly. Thanks.]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:09 PM on October 31, 2013


Any updates on how it went over?!?!
posted by HMSSM at 8:36 PM on October 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


Yes, please? Follow up needed!
posted by Samizdata at 3:50 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


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