I need life direction. Should I go to grad school now or later?

October 20, 2013 5:10 PM

I've been at my non-profit position for 4.5 years. I am passionate and devoted to the work I do. They place where I work has allowed me grow as a professional and human being and I love my co workers. The problem? I do not get paid enough. And I won't for a really long time. (pay freezes, money issues, etc.) So I'm going to grad school. The problem: Should I go now or later?

I always knew I wasn't going to be paid a wage that is livable for the city I am located in. So I knew deep in my heart that my time was limited. My boss and staff allowed me to grow and actively encouraged me to pursue my dreams and goals. But they don't know that I'm dying to leave right now. 2 years ago I had an amazing experience with one of the organizations I work with (org works with individuals who are developmentally or cognitively disabled) and I knew this was it. I began volunteering for different therapeutic offices (occupational therapy and physical therapy) and narrowed down my field.

Eight months ago I began to take my prerequisite course to work to apply for am occupational therapy grad program. I am excited about the coursework and I LOVE my volunteer sites. I'm super, duper excited about entering grad school.

MY problem: I will not be finished with my pre-req course work for about 1 year. I just got engaged. My boyfriend is also starting a new career. I still live with my parents. I don't know what to do. I feel so incredibly excited about entering a new chapter in my career but I don't know what is my next step. I still have about 8K in student loan debt and my fiance doesn't make enough money (yet!..he he) to move out. Even if he did make enough money, I won't be able to afford to move out my house if I'm in grad school.

There are two B.S./M.S. programs that would allow me to take my pre-reqs and get my degree but they are really expensive and would require me taking out a significant amount of private loans. There is one very good, very competitive and affordable program that is master's program in the area. I REALLY want to get in this program.

Here are my options:

- stay at my job, continue taking pre-reqs, apply to grad school (hopefully get into DREAM program) and move out of my parents house in about 4.5 years.

- go part time at my job (maybe!), take more pre-reqs, apply to grad school and move out of my parents house in about 3.5 years

- quit my job, get a shitty part time job, go full time at b.s./m.s. program, move out of my parents house in 3 years and be in terrible debt.

After some seriously humbling conversations from several real estate agents in the area I know I won't be able to move out of my parents house unless I'm okay with living with 4 other roommates right now. Living my parents is...not pleasant. I don't know what I should do. I have no one to counsel me in this situation. And all I wish in my heart is that I would receive a small pile of money with which I can realize my dreams...but that's not gonna happen!

At the center of these worries of mine are my anxiety of holding off starting a family. I feel like the more I hold off entering grad school the more I have to hold off getting married and having children. I'm impatient to enter grad school because I really want to have my shit together soon so I can start a family. For some really stupid reason I am afraid I won't be able to have children. I'm afraid that I will never move out of my parents. I'm afraid of being trapped in this state of suspended animation.

I so want to be moved in my fiance. He's feels like my family and it feels bizarre leaving his house at the end of the night. We are both desperate to get our shit together money wise and move out. We are both working very very hard to save money and pay off debts. But it feels so impossible. It's been 2 years of living like monks. I should just shut it and be grateful my parents let my live with them. Despite my contributions to the household it is most certainly not my space. I feel like a failure that I still make my income, I'm still in student loan debt and now I'm just embarking on more debt. I feel like I won't be able to reap the fruits until I'm in my 30s. My younger and older brother have moved out, have families and good jobs. I'm here...feeling like that angsty 17 year old I once was (or so I think I'm not anymore!)

For the record I'm 25. I probably sound really spazzy but my thoughts on this matter are so scattered. What should I do!? God this was embarrassingly long. I know several successful women that have great careers and families and I wish there was some "talk to a succesful lady" day because man do I feel lost!!!!

If you've read this far....thank you and your advice is truly appreciated!

posted by anonymous to Education (5 answers total)

OK. First things first: the perfect does not have to be the enemy of the good. You can deal with a lot of these problems, but probably in ways that are sub-optimal. This is ok. For instance, you can have a baby when you're in school. People do this. In some ways, it's actually better than doing it when you're working (unless you're working in a high-paying field) because you can often get grants for childcare, your schedule can be a bit more flexible, etc.

Second: what if you and your fiance moved in together with roommates for now? Could that work? Again, not ideal, but better than living with your parents, for sure. And certainly not an uncommon situation for 25-year-olds.

Third: do some serious analysis of different amounts of loans you could take out and what that would mean for monthly payments when you get out (under various repayment plans). And then look at your expected income once you're done. This will give you a realistic idea of how much you should be taking out in loans. It may actually be more than you think.

Another option: could you do all of this in a cheaper city?
posted by lunasol at 5:36 PM on October 20, 2013

Have you talked to your fiance about any of this? You're getting married, the two of you are a team. You're going on and on about all these different life plans, and I can't figure out where he fits in; I assume you're getting married sooner than 4.5 years from now, right? You don't need to have perfect finances to get married; in fact, getting married and pooling resources might make more sense financially. Maybe he could be breadwinner for awhile and you can focus on going back to school, or having children and then going back to school. Or not! You'll be able to do a lot more together than you will apart. As today's NYT Modern Love column discussed, learn to lean in together!

I agree with lunasol re: having children while in school (we did; I work and husband is full-time student/part-time work).

Is there a rental market in your area? You said "real estate agents" which makes me think you looked into buying homes instead of renting. Would renting be a more affordable way to get out of your parents' house? Talk it over with your fiance.

8K is really not all that much when it comes to student loan debt. Would it be possible to refinance to get a lower monthly payment? That freedom might help you feel better about your personal finances.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:40 PM on October 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I agree that you might think about taking a job you don't love but pays you significantly more in the short term, reducing your overall debt and getting ready to go back to school (even starting the pre-reqs while you are working the higher-paying job).

Your dilemma is one money can help solve. Look for a higher-paying job, probably in a different field. It's not your life's work, it's a means to an end.
posted by Miko at 7:34 PM on October 20, 2013

I have a considerable amount of student loan debt as well, and I empathize with your situation and thought process right now. I've been there, so many times.

The first thing you have to realize is that the dread/fear/anxiety that comes with student loan debt can distort your thinking. You're not doing anything wrong (in fact, your brain's response is almost entirely rational) but economic stress can alter your thinking. The wording of your question makes it appear that your anxiety about this is causing your thoughts to spiral a bit (jumping to conclusions about your only 3 options, allowing that anxiety to spiral out into anxiety that you won't be able to have children, then jumping back to memories of being 17, etc.). The only reason I can identify this so clearly is that I've been there. Oh man, have I been there.

My advice is to slow down, try to disentangle the various lines of thought, try to pull apart the fears from the realities, and make a concrete plan based on facts rather than anxiety. Easier said than done, I know.

Let's list out some options you could consider (try not to dismiss any out of hand - they're all going to have upsides and downsides):
A. Find a job making really good money, save up, go to school sooner
B. Move to a cheaper city with your fiance, go to school right away and subsist on his income plus a part-time job that you get
C. Find scholarships that will help pay for part of your grad program (some will depend on where you go to work afterwards) so you can start it sooner
D. Move in with your boyfriend and some roommates, keep doing what you're doing, but enjoy life in the meantime more because you're not living at home
E. Save up money, take a leave of absence from your job for one quarter to jam in as many pre-reqs as you can in that time, speed up the process.

Essentially, you seem to have three different goals:
1. Move out of your parents' house
2. Start your 'real' career
3. Have a family
You're going to need to figure out how you want to prioritize those. If your #1 goal is to start your real career, you're probably going to want to find a way to jump into a grad program sooner rather than later. If your #1 goal is to have a family, you're probably going to have to postpone some or all of this for a few years. If it were me, I'd think hard about prioritizing moving out of your family's house - because that's the one step that seems like it'd make everything else better.

Finally, when you're doing these financial calculations, make sure that you calculate in how much your life is worth. So how much $$$ would you have to save to make living in your parents' house for one more year worth it to you? Would an additional 2 years of student loan payments be a price you'd be willing to pay to not have to live there another year? Etc.

Those are a lot of different pieces of advice, but it's hard-won knowledge, so I wanted to include it all. I've emerged at the other end of a similar situation - and it is all eventually worth it. :)
posted by leitmotif at 9:29 PM on October 20, 2013

Your main problem is money - not making enough at your job, not having enough to move out, not having enough to start your own family. And your solution is to spend more money to go to grad school? No, wrong answer. You should go to grad school later, way later. And in the mean time get a better paying job that can support an independant life. It's really not necessary to make your career some rewarding supernova of recognition and achievement. It is necessary to make your career able to pay a winter heating bill. Expecting more sets up many young people for extreme, dramatic, and lasting disappointment, especially "in this economy".
posted by WeekendJen at 5:14 AM on October 21, 2013