Should I go along on this interview trip?
October 17, 2013 11:44 AM Subscribe
My husband is going for an on-site interview in the next couple weeks. The organizational e-mail he got from HR today included questions about his dietary preferences, home airport, etc, etc, and in the list of questions it said, "Will you be traveling alone or do you have a significant other who would like to join you?"
He's been out on quite a few interviews recently but this is a new one for him, and the way it's worded we can't tell if it's an actual invitation and they want to meet me, or if it's just a courtesy. Does it make him look uninterested in the job if I don't go? Neither of us really has a preference either way, we just are confused by the e-mail and trying to do the expected thing.
Thanks in advance, Metafilter.
He's been out on quite a few interviews recently but this is a new one for him, and the way it's worded we can't tell if it's an actual invitation and they want to meet me, or if it's just a courtesy. Does it make him look uninterested in the job if I don't go? Neither of us really has a preference either way, we just are confused by the e-mail and trying to do the expected thing.
Thanks in advance, Metafilter.
It's to give you a chance to see the area. If he accepts the job then you are probably moving there, right? Might as well get a look.
They probably aren't interested in meeting you (actually, they probably want to avoid that, to avoid liability in case they decide not to hire your hubby. They can't ask if you are gay, for example, but meeting you would pretty much answer that question one way or the other and if it happens to be affirmative and they don't hire you... well).
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:57 AM on October 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
They probably aren't interested in meeting you (actually, they probably want to avoid that, to avoid liability in case they decide not to hire your hubby. They can't ask if you are gay, for example, but meeting you would pretty much answer that question one way or the other and if it happens to be affirmative and they don't hire you... well).
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:57 AM on October 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
Yeah, it's a courtesy. If you weren't planning on coming along don't worry about it.
posted by leopard at 11:57 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by leopard at 11:57 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
They may be looking to take you both out to dinner and/or take you on a tour of the area while your spouse interviews. This happened to us recently; I declined the tour because I had an infant in tow but it seemed like they have a set thing they offer spouses.
posted by JenMarie at 12:18 PM on October 17, 2013
posted by JenMarie at 12:18 PM on October 17, 2013
Does it make him look uninterested in the job if I don't go? Neither of us really has a preference either way, we just are confused by the e-mail and trying to do the expected thing.
There isn't an "expected thing" in this situation. There are basically two possibilities:
A) They like him enough that they're trying to woo him -- they've decided that his skill set and/or experience qualifies him for the job, so now they want to know whether he'll "fit in" around the office.
B) They're a huge company with money to throw away on minor expenditures like one more plane ticket.
Either way, if you don't go, it won't be seen as a slight to the company. Your husband might want to have an explanation at the ready, though -- it's better for him to say, "gerstle had a big project at her office," than freeze up and blurt out, "gerstle says she came to New Jersey once and someone threw a brick at her, so she didn't want to come."
If you do go, be prepared to be entertained by someone's significant other, and that will be a sort of interview in and of itself -- you won't be grilled about whether you'll help with the Christmas party, but if you're clearly going to be a drag on his job performance (e.g., you complain about everything or talk incessantly about that time you came to New Jersey and someone threw a brick at you), that may get back to the interviewer through unofficial channels.
posted by Etrigan at 12:22 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
There isn't an "expected thing" in this situation. There are basically two possibilities:
A) They like him enough that they're trying to woo him -- they've decided that his skill set and/or experience qualifies him for the job, so now they want to know whether he'll "fit in" around the office.
B) They're a huge company with money to throw away on minor expenditures like one more plane ticket.
Either way, if you don't go, it won't be seen as a slight to the company. Your husband might want to have an explanation at the ready, though -- it's better for him to say, "gerstle had a big project at her office," than freeze up and blurt out, "gerstle says she came to New Jersey once and someone threw a brick at her, so she didn't want to come."
If you do go, be prepared to be entertained by someone's significant other, and that will be a sort of interview in and of itself -- you won't be grilled about whether you'll help with the Christmas party, but if you're clearly going to be a drag on his job performance (e.g., you complain about everything or talk incessantly about that time you came to New Jersey and someone threw a brick at you), that may get back to the interviewer through unofficial channels.
posted by Etrigan at 12:22 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
Here's the real question for you: If your husband receives an offer, can he accept WITHOUT your putting eyes on the new city?
If yes, then it doesn't matter if you go or not. The employer is being gracious, and sensitive to spouse's views. Etrigan has it right with regard to what to say if you don't go, and what to expect if you do.
If no, then you probably want to take the employer up on their offer.
posted by John Borrowman at 12:34 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
If yes, then it doesn't matter if you go or not. The employer is being gracious, and sensitive to spouse's views. Etrigan has it right with regard to what to say if you don't go, and what to expect if you do.
If no, then you probably want to take the employer up on their offer.
posted by John Borrowman at 12:34 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
If they're offering, I'd want to go, mostly just to get a feel for the city. But if you have pressing issues at work, then beg off.
I doubt seriously that it's a BFD, because they would have made it clear at outset that they wanted you to come too.
I think they're just trying to see what kind of hotel room to book.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:47 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I doubt seriously that it's a BFD, because they would have made it clear at outset that they wanted you to come too.
I think they're just trying to see what kind of hotel room to book.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:47 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is a good thing. When we've done this it's because we really like the candidate and want them to relocate, but realize that if their partner isn't interested in our city then we've wasted a lot of effort. I would respond and let them know that you are very interested in seeing the city and learning more about the company or that you've been to that city a thousand times and love it but are incredibly busy at the moment, depending on whether you want to go or not.
posted by IanMorr at 2:04 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by IanMorr at 2:04 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
My husband was interviewing for jobs all over the country a few years ago, and it was typical for me to tag along. I never had to have dinner with anyone, but some places set us up with realtors so we could look at houses and get a sense of whether we wanted to move there. I think the "dinner with someone's wife" thing is more common for very senior positions or very traditional companies.
The assumption seemed to be that we as a couple would need to get a feel for the area before deciding to move hundreds or thousands of miles there. Two of those places paid to bring not only me but our then 5-year-old daughter with us when he interviewed.
Totally normal, totally a good sign, and no worries if you can't go.
posted by jeoc at 4:42 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
The assumption seemed to be that we as a couple would need to get a feel for the area before deciding to move hundreds or thousands of miles there. Two of those places paid to bring not only me but our then 5-year-old daughter with us when he interviewed.
Totally normal, totally a good sign, and no worries if you can't go.
posted by jeoc at 4:42 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
Agreed -- when I was interviewing last year for out-of-state jobs, I was almost always asked whether or not I wanted to bring my spouse so that they could get a feel for the area.
posted by woodvine at 9:47 AM on October 18, 2013
posted by woodvine at 9:47 AM on October 18, 2013
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