Hey, wake up. Now!
October 3, 2013 6:11 PM Subscribe
What is the gentlest, kindest way to wake someone up who is in a deep sleep?
I have a sleep app that supposedly wakes you up when you are in the lightest sleep stage of that cycle, and I love it. However, it got me thinking...
I have to wake up my 8 year old daughter each morning before school and she has specified that she prefers me to come in rather than have an alarm (even one set with her ipod music). I have to stand there and talk to her, as well as touch her face to make sure she is fully awake before I leave the room, or she'll fall back asleep.
Similarly, I sometimes wake my partner after he has a nap and if I kiss him on the cheek it wakes him up with a start and I feel bad.
What can I do to make waking someone up more pleasant for them?
I have a sleep app that supposedly wakes you up when you are in the lightest sleep stage of that cycle, and I love it. However, it got me thinking...
I have to wake up my 8 year old daughter each morning before school and she has specified that she prefers me to come in rather than have an alarm (even one set with her ipod music). I have to stand there and talk to her, as well as touch her face to make sure she is fully awake before I leave the room, or she'll fall back asleep.
Similarly, I sometimes wake my partner after he has a nap and if I kiss him on the cheek it wakes him up with a start and I feel bad.
What can I do to make waking someone up more pleasant for them?
Agreed, gentle shaking and being spoken to softly is the way to go for me.
posted by cosmicbeast at 6:18 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by cosmicbeast at 6:18 PM on October 3, 2013
I would ask them specifically what they feel is the best thing for you to do, since everyone is different! If your daughter likes to be gently prodded, then gentle prodding is for her. If your partner doesn't like his face kissed, then don't do that.
For me personally I prefer if no one ever comes near me to wake me up, for everyone's safety. I am bitey and mean.
posted by elizardbits at 6:21 PM on October 3, 2013 [13 favorites]
For me personally I prefer if no one ever comes near me to wake me up, for everyone's safety. I am bitey and mean.
posted by elizardbits at 6:21 PM on October 3, 2013 [13 favorites]
Windows open to natural light. Natural light gets the body rhythm right for me.
posted by 26.2 at 6:37 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by 26.2 at 6:37 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
Seconding opening the bedroom curtain/blinds to gradually let the sunlight in. Wake up lights are very gentle and effective.
posted by divined by radio at 6:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by divined by radio at 6:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
A little friendly shake of the foot is a nice touch, literally and figuratively.
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:43 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:43 PM on October 3, 2013
According to many Judith Krantz books, the gentlest way to wake someone is by wiggling their toes. YMMV, I haven't tried it!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:43 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:43 PM on October 3, 2013
When it doesn't encroach on "no, seriously, you need this sleep" time, I attempt to ape the sleep app thing by periodically trying a gentle "hey..." wake up call a bit earlier than the deadline, just with the intention of getting a response. Otherwise, calling (possibly loudly) from a few metres away so that it's a noise to be noticed rather than being startled by some thing right in your face.
Speaking as someone's child though, calling from a distance definitely does not mean "yelling from a couple floors away", because that is just the worst.
posted by lucidium at 6:44 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Speaking as someone's child though, calling from a distance definitely does not mean "yelling from a couple floors away", because that is just the worst.
posted by lucidium at 6:44 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I got a really evil eyeball from shaking the shoulder of a friend who was once in the military. I recommend very gently kicking their foot, repeat.
posted by ovvl at 6:45 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by ovvl at 6:45 PM on October 3, 2013
Better to just ask them. My own preference is sound (talking, alarm, etc) or light, which can both be startling but not unpleasant. I strongly prefer that people avoid touching me to wake me up, unless the house is on fire or something. It feels very invasive/violating to me. I'm finicky about personal space, though - lots of people don't mind it at all.
posted by randomnity at 7:03 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by randomnity at 7:03 PM on October 3, 2013
If it is someone I am close to, then I gently stroke their forehead and whisper softly. A more startling wake-up is the lights on or shaking their foot, but the forehead seems to be the least startling.
posted by jadepearl at 7:09 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by jadepearl at 7:09 PM on October 3, 2013
cooking bacon smell
posted by Jacqueline at 7:19 PM on October 3, 2013 [17 favorites]
posted by Jacqueline at 7:19 PM on October 3, 2013 [17 favorites]
I would come in, making a quiet little noise like feet shuffling or hum-de-dum so they can sort of track your progress around the room, open the curtain, and then half-sit on the side of the bed before quietly saying "hello? wakey wakey" or whatever. Only after a bit of this quieter stuff would I go to gently nudging the arm.
Really what is most effective for me is to be asked questions that force me to respond and break out of whatever dream I'm having - and that only works after I've had a chance to be half-awake for a minute or two. So maybe even start with an initial "time to get up" from the doorway, then wait a few minutes, then coming back for the curtains, bed-sit, arm-nudge, talking stuff.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:22 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Really what is most effective for me is to be asked questions that force me to respond and break out of whatever dream I'm having - and that only works after I've had a chance to be half-awake for a minute or two. So maybe even start with an initial "time to get up" from the doorway, then wait a few minutes, then coming back for the curtains, bed-sit, arm-nudge, talking stuff.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:22 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
My dad used to squeeze my big toe. You're just sort of aware of it and wake up gradually. It always worked and I was never startled awake.
posted by Rob Rockets at 7:36 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by Rob Rockets at 7:36 PM on October 3, 2013
she has specified that she prefers me to come in rather than have an alarm
Being able to wake up to an alarm is a very useful skill to have once your parents aren't around to wake you up anymore.
It's a very difficult skill to learn when you are older, training yourself to respond a certain way to something that happens while you are asleep. This might be more pleasant for her now, but waking her up every day will make it far, far less pleasant in the future.
Get her an alarm clock that will let her wake to music or a light if she doesn't like the usual alarm sounds, or her own wake up app. Music often works best if it's specific music that's the same each time. Maybe wake her yourself once a week or on special occasions as a treat, but discouraging her from learning to wake up without relying on another person is doing her a huge disservice that may follow her throughout life.
posted by yohko at 7:47 PM on October 3, 2013 [9 favorites]
Being able to wake up to an alarm is a very useful skill to have once your parents aren't around to wake you up anymore.
It's a very difficult skill to learn when you are older, training yourself to respond a certain way to something that happens while you are asleep. This might be more pleasant for her now, but waking her up every day will make it far, far less pleasant in the future.
Get her an alarm clock that will let her wake to music or a light if she doesn't like the usual alarm sounds, or her own wake up app. Music often works best if it's specific music that's the same each time. Maybe wake her yourself once a week or on special occasions as a treat, but discouraging her from learning to wake up without relying on another person is doing her a huge disservice that may follow her throughout life.
posted by yohko at 7:47 PM on October 3, 2013 [9 favorites]
Turn on a light or open a window to let in light and outdoor noise. If that doesn't do it in a few minutes, gently squeeze their foot or calf. Don't touch the upper body, as that startles.
posted by spaltavian at 8:03 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by spaltavian at 8:03 PM on October 3, 2013
With a cup of tea.
posted by pompomtom at 9:01 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by pompomtom at 9:01 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
You pull on their toes. My doctor did that to me when I was in the hospital and got my appendix out. I sometimes do that when my eldest son sleeps in before school.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:29 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by KokuRyu at 9:29 PM on October 3, 2013
elizardbits: "I would ask them specifically what they feel is the best thing for you to do, since everyone is different! If your daughter likes to be gently prodded, then gentle prodding is for her. If your partner doesn't like his face kissed, then don't do that.
For me personally I prefer if no one ever comes near me to wake me up, for everyone's safety. I am bitey and mean."
Personally, I'm on the bitey and mean end of things. I loathe being awoken with touch and even with an audio wake up call will sometimes startle badly. Music is fine, strengthening light is fine, conversation is fine. Touching is many many levels of not fine. I have literally run for the balcony when my partner has woken me up with touch (I was walking around, just not properly awake) and I've startled into crying as well. I cannot express how horrible the idea of waking up to a kiss is to me, or face stroking.
My daughter is similar to the OP, in that she prefers a physical wakeup over audio. So if we have to wake her, we use both - talking, maybe music, cuddles or hair stroking. Yes, that isn't going to be an option when we aren't there but we are so we figure that's the easiest for us.
Mostly, she wakes when she wakes though. Even with deadlines and schedules she wakes up in decent time, particularly if we're moving around.
posted by geek anachronism at 10:12 PM on October 3, 2013
For me personally I prefer if no one ever comes near me to wake me up, for everyone's safety. I am bitey and mean."
Personally, I'm on the bitey and mean end of things. I loathe being awoken with touch and even with an audio wake up call will sometimes startle badly. Music is fine, strengthening light is fine, conversation is fine. Touching is many many levels of not fine. I have literally run for the balcony when my partner has woken me up with touch (I was walking around, just not properly awake) and I've startled into crying as well. I cannot express how horrible the idea of waking up to a kiss is to me, or face stroking.
My daughter is similar to the OP, in that she prefers a physical wakeup over audio. So if we have to wake her, we use both - talking, maybe music, cuddles or hair stroking. Yes, that isn't going to be an option when we aren't there but we are so we figure that's the easiest for us.
Mostly, she wakes when she wakes though. Even with deadlines and schedules she wakes up in decent time, particularly if we're moving around.
posted by geek anachronism at 10:12 PM on October 3, 2013
following yohko's tangent- Perhaps she loves this one on one interaction with you in the morning and is afraid that she'll lose that if she has to wake up herself. (I have heard of kids suddenly not wanting to read for themselves because they'll lose story time with mum/dad)
Or maybe she's afraid she'll sleep through it and then you'll be mad at her.
Perhaps set an alarm for her and keep on going in to make sure it's had the desired effect.
As to general waking up preferences, I hate singing. Talking is ok, curtains opened without warning is not (MY EYES). Shaking the bed gently can work. Agree with the consensus to stay away from the face.
posted by titanium_geek at 12:37 AM on October 4, 2013
Or maybe she's afraid she'll sleep through it and then you'll be mad at her.
Perhaps set an alarm for her and keep on going in to make sure it's had the desired effect.
As to general waking up preferences, I hate singing. Talking is ok, curtains opened without warning is not (MY EYES). Shaking the bed gently can work. Agree with the consensus to stay away from the face.
posted by titanium_geek at 12:37 AM on October 4, 2013
I am a very deep sleeper, and any kind of touch startles me. My husband does the count down style, "Honey, you've got 10 minutes." "Okay, five minutes.""Alright hon, you have to get up now."
For some reason it eases me out of sleep much better than anything else.
posted by TooFewShoes at 12:58 AM on October 4, 2013
For some reason it eases me out of sleep much better than anything else.
posted by TooFewShoes at 12:58 AM on October 4, 2013
Slow and gentle scratching of the scalp is my preferred way to wake my SO up, esp. from a nightmare. Seems to work quickly but not violently.
posted by stuck on an island at 1:50 AM on October 4, 2013
posted by stuck on an island at 1:50 AM on October 4, 2013
My husband wakes me up every morning by standing at the foot of my bed, grasping my toe through the blanket and shaking my foot gently from side to side. The movement often joins in to my dreams for a second before I actually wake up, making the whole transition pretty smooth. Then I have to unbury myself out from under whatever I'm covered in (usually in one big gaspy jerky movement), lift my head up and make eye contact, and exchange a few coherent words before he'll leave.
Of course, I often go back to sleep again and sometimes have no recollection of whatever I told him so there's that too (I'm unemployed right now so this is allowed). This is why when I was around your daughters age my Dad used to come in and literally pick us up out of bed, blankets and all, and put us on the floor to wake us up. Given he also played the radio really loudly from quite early in the morning and generally made no effort to be quiet I was on my way to waking up anyway, but there's no going back to sleep from being tangled up on the floor.
posted by shelleycat at 3:39 AM on October 4, 2013
Of course, I often go back to sleep again and sometimes have no recollection of whatever I told him so there's that too (I'm unemployed right now so this is allowed). This is why when I was around your daughters age my Dad used to come in and literally pick us up out of bed, blankets and all, and put us on the floor to wake us up. Given he also played the radio really loudly from quite early in the morning and generally made no effort to be quiet I was on my way to waking up anyway, but there's no going back to sleep from being tangled up on the floor.
posted by shelleycat at 3:39 AM on October 4, 2013
For me, no touchy. What I like to do for the kiddo (who is reaching teenager hood and the accompanying wish to sleep all hours) is to get up before him and move around the house doing my stuff without trying not to make noise, I'll open his door and then more sound and light can filter in, and after I've inspected the facilities I go to his door and start talking to him, ask if he's awake, tell him good morning and make sure he's at least sitting up before I leave the room. For myself, I like being called to gently; if someone touches/shakes me while I am deeply asleep to wake me up I go right from unconscious to WHERE'S THE MONSTER and that's not fun for anybody.
posted by lemniskate at 4:19 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by lemniskate at 4:19 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yes, ask her what she wants. I was about that age when my mom started bringing an armful of sleepy cat into my room every morning and dropping him off on top of me, where he would purr and knead and generally wake me up. We referred to this as the Kitty Alarm Clock, and it is still my preferred wake-up method today, if my partner happens to be able to locate an amenably sleepy-snuggly cat to deposit in bed with me. If not, I like a gentle hair-pat or other light touch (not a shake, please!) and if needed, a bit of gentle talking.
posted by Stacey at 5:13 AM on October 4, 2013
posted by Stacey at 5:13 AM on October 4, 2013
This thread has inspired me to try a new way of waking up. I've got to get an alarm clock that cooks bacon.
posted by yohko at 5:23 AM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by yohko at 5:23 AM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
I give my husband gentle rubs on his back or tummy rubs.
If he is being sleepy-in-y on the weekends I will brew coffee.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 6:18 AM on October 4, 2013
If he is being sleepy-in-y on the weekends I will brew coffee.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 6:18 AM on October 4, 2013
We bought one of those wake-up lights linked to upthread and ZOMG it makes such a difference. I won't say it's 100% effective at waking us up in the correct part of our sleep cycles, but I no longer get scared awake by the radio coming on -- the light is gradually increasing for half an hour before the radio comes on, and I can leave it at a low enough level that it serves as a gentle reminder rather than a klaxon.
When I was growing up, my mom would come in, turn on the light. If it was summer and the fan was on, she'd turn it off. If it was winter, she'd pull off a couple of my covers. Eventually, the uncomfortable temperature would wake me up. And once we got cats, Mom would bring in the one who was really attached to me, who'd curl up next to me and purr, and I'd wake up to snuggle with her.
posted by telophase at 8:49 AM on October 4, 2013
When I was growing up, my mom would come in, turn on the light. If it was summer and the fan was on, she'd turn it off. If it was winter, she'd pull off a couple of my covers. Eventually, the uncomfortable temperature would wake me up. And once we got cats, Mom would bring in the one who was really attached to me, who'd curl up next to me and purr, and I'd wake up to snuggle with her.
posted by telophase at 8:49 AM on October 4, 2013
If it's not someone I'm in bed with I'll say "BOOP," pause 10 seconds, then "BOOP," and repeat a few more times. If they don't respond but don't need to get up at that very moment I'll come back later and continue BOOPing.
It's also very effective for snorers.
posted by MonsieurBon at 10:10 AM on October 4, 2013
It's also very effective for snorers.
posted by MonsieurBon at 10:10 AM on October 4, 2013
When I was a kid, my mom would wake me up by singing this really peppy good morning song. She'd start singing in the hallway and then continue into my room. It was a nice way to wake up and I never went back to sleep (of course, she and I are both morning people, so this may not work for everyone).
posted by stripesandplaid at 11:40 AM on October 4, 2013
posted by stripesandplaid at 11:40 AM on October 4, 2013
Our daughter has an LL Bean Moonbeam alarm clock, that wakes you with a flashing light. It's pretty non-jarring -- I have one too. But usually I wake her up first, but going in, opening the blinds, shutting off the white noise generator, going into her dresser for clothes for her to wear, and then I say Good morning and something cheery about the day. We have Oreos for dessert tonight. Something silly and pleasant and distracting.
But if I had to wake up just some random person as gently as I could, I think I'd move their foot a little bit. It's a little less terrifying than anything involving the face or sudden motion.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:49 PM on October 4, 2013
But if I had to wake up just some random person as gently as I could, I think I'd move their foot a little bit. It's a little less terrifying than anything involving the face or sudden motion.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:49 PM on October 4, 2013
I wake up my kids by asking them what they want for lunch, on school days. I bring the school's menu in on my iPhone, and ask if they want what the school is serving or want me to pack lunch. I don't know why, but they're willing to wake up and answer that question.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:37 PM on October 4, 2013
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:37 PM on October 4, 2013
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posted by juliagulia at 6:14 PM on October 3, 2013