Bondage 101?
September 30, 2013 3:02 PM   Subscribe

My SO and I are starting to explore our kink side and need help navigating the maze of bondage techniques.

We are exploring the world of BDSM and are looking for videos or instructions on how to do bondage safely. We both are also incredibly poor and can't spare much money for any specialised equipment either so are also looking for around the house or cheap materials we can do it with. So I turn to you - more experienced "kink" mefites to help us start down this path.

I specifically want to have my breasts bound up and my girlfriend wants to find a way to tie me up that makes it easier for her to have a good angle to give me oral sex with less strain on her and me unable to escape. (My genitals are weird and have large thick outer lips that need to be parted wide to find my clitoris. My large drooping belly and the fact that I also get embarrassingly wet unless I spread my legs really wide makes it hard on her).
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
I am personally fairly ignorant about bondage-related stuff, but I've got a couple of suggestions anyways. You might check out videos from "Two Knotty Boys", which I have heard highly recommended. I think they've got a book now, too, maybe? Also, there's a lot of info on fetlife (some of it useful, some of it not), and also a 'people from metafilter on fetlife' group there.
posted by rmd1023 at 3:25 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Nice bondage rope can be pricey, but if you like silky things search ebay for 'satin sash'. They come in about 50 different colours for a couple of dollars each. Meant for dresses and wedding decorations, but very pretty for bondage too! Might not be suitable for rigs needing length or tight knots.
posted by pickingupsticks at 4:07 PM on September 30, 2013


Safe word.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:09 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you want to go the inexpensive route, get yourself easy to find and cheap items.

Men's ties are soft and good for tieing wrists and ankles. Once tied, they are fairly short, but can be tied (at the other end) to rope or twine. The rope or twine can be attached to anything that pulls at the correct angle: run the rope between the matress and box spring, or to the casters below the bed, to the headboard, or hooks set into the walls.

Learn to tie knots that can untied quickly.

Have a safe word incase something hurts and you want to stop.

To get your legs open and make your lips available: tie your hands to the corners of the bed and put the other ties around your legs above your knees. Attach the knee ropes to the headboard to pull your legs up and apart.

Other everyday items: candles, ruler, small paint brushes (nipples), chop sticks, clothes pins.

Enjoy,

G
posted by gnossos at 4:11 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think you'll appreciate Jay Wiseman's aptly titled SM101
posted by Skaramoosh at 4:16 PM on September 30, 2013


Seconding SM101. It's a must.
posted by Specklet at 4:35 PM on September 30, 2013


Erin Houdini (NYC based rope-educator+) is a great starting point, your first stop might be her rope overview page.

She also happens to have some videos up on kinkacademy.com. I can't personally vouch for KA content, but it has quite a few well-respected contributors. Youtube has a lot of similar content, but you have to dig around quite a bit, and I have a feeling that KA will offer a better experience for general discovery.

+1 to Jay Wiseman.
I think both "The New Topping Book" (and companion flipside) are well worth mentioning.

There's a rarely updated rope wiki at beknotty.com

I've been impressed by classes led by Hedwig, and while her blog appears to be rarely updated, working through her blogroll might take you interesting places, if you're click around a bit. I particularly enjoyed her "head bondage" class at the last Shibaricon.

Get some shears or a benchmade, pace yourself, and have fun.

Offering specific tie suggestions is p'raps a post unto itself... Twisted Monk has two (1,2) videos up on youtube with the most common intro harnesses, one of which is a decent starter for more breast-centric work, though I've found breast-bondage specific instruction to be fairly rare.
posted by Jack Karaoke at 4:35 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Depending on where you live, I think you might find it useful to attend an educational event on rope bondage. When you start playing with rope, the potential for nerve damage and other bad outcomes is small but not negligibly small. I'm sure you realize this since you specify that you want to learn to do bondage safely! I think the best way to learn this is to learn from someone who really knows what they're doing -- just one or two intro classes would get you further faster and more effectively than a bunch of YouTube videos. If you're in a large urban area, there are bound (har har) to be Rope 101 type events for a very small fee ($5-10?). The place to find out about such things would be Fetlife.
posted by ootandaboot at 5:20 PM on September 30, 2013


Make sure you have these bandage shears at the ready. Seriously, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THEM RIGHT THERE IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Secondly, definitely check out the two knotty boys. To begin with you can use crappy old clothesline to learn knots. It's not great quality and not even close to being great to use BUT it will do for the short term. And it's generally under $5.

Safeword or signals, definitely.

You can also make spreader bars for super cheap...look on the youtube for videos about that if you have any interest in it.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 5:45 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I second having your legs tied to a headboard if possible - depending on how flexible you are, it can be a really comfortable way to have your legs up and out of the way. I also recommend throwing a pillow under your hips before you get tied up - that can make it more comfortable on your lower back and the angle can also help shifting your stomach away from your pubis.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 5:53 PM on September 30, 2013


TwistedMonk.com provides a large number of instructional videos, which are very helpful. The rope is pricey, though, and I don't recommend it. Home Depot (aka Dom Depot) is a good place to go.
posted by the young rope-rider at 6:37 PM on September 30, 2013


Your local area probably has a munch, too, for low pressure situations to meet the freaks.

Dont use candles for wax play unless you know what youre doing.

A starter kit is usually some soft rope, belts, ties, scarves, sleeping mask, tape. Handcuffs are ~10 and easy to get from the net. TEST THE KEYS before putting something on somebody.
posted by Jacen at 7:26 PM on September 30, 2013


vet wrap is awesome stuff for bondage because you don't need to know any knots, it doesn't adhere to skin, it's breathable, and it comes in lots of colors. You can find it at a farm supply store (pet stores have it but it's extremely overpriced).

ALL of our rope comes from Home Depot and the like. There is zero reason you "have to" get special rope for bondage. Other stuff we've bought there: carabiners, locks, clamps, webbing, duct tape, electrical tape, pallet wrap, truck tie-downs, knee pads, velcro hanging straps, and a hundred other things I'm forgetting right now. A lot of stuff sold as "bondage gear" has a vanilla equivalent for less than 1/2 the price, you just have to figure out what it's called.
posted by desjardins at 8:58 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


desjardins, do you have any tips about buying rope from Home Depot? Do you buy nylon, cotton, jute...? I see so much stuff about ordinary kinds of rope being too slippery, knots tightening too much (I think I've read that about cotton), not holding a tight knot (nylon), chafing too much, etc...(and of course the conclusion is generally "buy this special expensive hand-dyed $$$ instead.")
posted by needs more cowbell at 10:56 PM on September 30, 2013


If you're starting out, try quarter-inch solid braid nylon rope. It's usually white and sold in packages of 50' or 100'. When you cut it to size, you can heat-seal or tape the ends to keep then from fraying. Just about all the basic rope tutorials on the internet will work with rope like this - many will be using this same nylon rope with some pretty dye in it.

Keep safety shears on hand. It's wise to make sure that they can actually cut your rope. Avoid ties that are physically painful - if that knot is hurting your wrist, it stands a much higher risk of doing nerve damage. Don't put yourself or your partner in positions that could be dangerous if one of you trips or passes out. Standing with a noose around your neck? Hopping across the room with your legs tied together? Anchoring a piercing to the ceiling? Maybe not a good idea!

I learned a lot from Rope Fashions. I used to sit around and just tie my legs together. Don't be afraid to experiment, though - as long as it isn't painful and won't damage you if you fall, there's no harm in playing around. Eventually you start to feel for what works and what doesn't.

Safewords are great but there's value in just using "stop" or "that pinches."
posted by catalytics at 10:37 AM on October 1, 2013


desjardins, do you have any tips about buying rope from Home Depot? Do you buy nylon, cotton, jute...? I see so much stuff about ordinary kinds of rope being too slippery, knots tightening too much (I think I've read that about cotton), not holding a tight knot (nylon), chafing too much, etc...(and of course the conclusion is generally "buy this special expensive hand-dyed $$$ instead.")

We've bought nylon rope, which is initially too stiff to make good knots, so we run it through the delicate cycle in the washer (in a lingerie bag so it doesn't wrap around the spinner). It's as soft as cotton then. The knots won't bind if the rope is thick enough. Even so, you should always have safety scissors handy. We have four or five kept throughout the house so I'm sure to find one in a hurry.

We cut the rope into 6' and 12' lengths and marked the ends with different color electrical tape (e.g. white for 6', yellow for 12'). This makes it a snap to find the length I need in a hurry. 6' is enough for binding wrists or ankles together; 12' is good for binding arms to the sides, legs to each other, etc. Longer lengths get really unwieldy so you definitely want to put them away properly. We store our rope using an electrician's braid, also called a monkey chain (both links totally sfw).
posted by desjardins at 8:23 AM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


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