Am I breaking some unwritten cell phone rule?
September 30, 2013 9:29 AM Subscribe
When people call my cell phone and don't leave a voicemail, I tend not to call them back. Should I? Is there a pervasive cultural expectation of which I am unaware that one is obligated to return missed calls?
My assumption is that if someone calls me and doesn't leave a voicemail, the reason for their call was a) unimportant or b) time-sensitive enough that leaving a voicemail and waiting for my return call would be futile. I realized the other day that I have no basis for this assumption.
So, am I totally off-base? Is there a widely held expectation that one ought to call people back when their missed calls show up on one's phone? Note: no one has complained about this behavior, but I guess I'm concerned about being knowns as That Flake Who Never Returns Calls.
Relevant info: I grew up using landlines and did not get a cell phone until I left for college (I am 24). Our landlines did not have caller ID, so there were no caller ID-related phone etiquette lessons growing up.
My assumption is that if someone calls me and doesn't leave a voicemail, the reason for their call was a) unimportant or b) time-sensitive enough that leaving a voicemail and waiting for my return call would be futile. I realized the other day that I have no basis for this assumption.
So, am I totally off-base? Is there a widely held expectation that one ought to call people back when their missed calls show up on one's phone? Note: no one has complained about this behavior, but I guess I'm concerned about being knowns as That Flake Who Never Returns Calls.
Relevant info: I grew up using landlines and did not get a cell phone until I left for college (I am 24). Our landlines did not have caller ID, so there were no caller ID-related phone etiquette lessons growing up.
I generally don't return missed calls either - if it was important they could have left a VM or just sent a text like a normal person.
posted by kavasa at 9:32 AM on September 30, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by kavasa at 9:32 AM on September 30, 2013 [7 favorites]
My younger friends (35 and under) think that voicemail is an unwelcome burden. They're convinced that the caller id info is sufficient to merit a return call. "Don't make me listen to a message," they say. "If you want me to know something other than 'call back', text it to me." I think that's crazy but I'm old (53). They also make exceptions for work voicemail.
posted by janey47 at 9:33 AM on September 30, 2013 [27 favorites]
posted by janey47 at 9:33 AM on September 30, 2013 [27 favorites]
Depends on what your circle of friends thinks. I know people who use a call-and-hang-up as the equivalent of a "*poke*" -- it says, "Hey, call me back when you can." I also know people who just never leave voice mails and will move to another means of asking the question (text, email) if I don't pick up.
If anyone gets mad at you for not calling them back after a hangup, that's their problem, not yours.
posted by Etrigan at 9:33 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
If anyone gets mad at you for not calling them back after a hangup, that's their problem, not yours.
posted by Etrigan at 9:33 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
My belief is if it's important they'll leave a message or call back. I normally don't return calls without a message.
posted by honey.orange.honey at 9:33 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by honey.orange.honey at 9:33 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Yes, I return missed calls. I'm 33, and don't leave voicemails. A missed call reminder is good enough.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013 [9 favorites]
It is, in my opinion, rude to call someone back if they have called you and not left a voicemail (I mean, unless you wanted to call them anyway. But to call up and be like "well?!?!" when they left no indication that that was necessary). Especially if it is from a number you don't know. If someone wants to talk to you, they can make that clear.
posted by brainmouse at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013 [25 favorites]
posted by brainmouse at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013 [25 favorites]
I make the same assumptions with most callers. You are fine.
However with my husband, we established a rule that if one of us calls we will return the call if we haven't texted or spoken since the missed call - and that because we return calls by default, we don't have to deal with listening to and deleting those annoying 5-second voicemails of "hey call me back when you get this"
posted by trivia genius at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013
However with my husband, we established a rule that if one of us calls we will return the call if we haven't texted or spoken since the missed call - and that because we return calls by default, we don't have to deal with listening to and deleting those annoying 5-second voicemails of "hey call me back when you get this"
posted by trivia genius at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013
I generally don't return missed calls unless they leave a message, and when I am the missed call, I don't expect a call back. If I need to speak to the person, I will either leave a voicemail or follow up with a text (typically the latter).
posted by Defying Gravity at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Defying Gravity at 9:34 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I think that's crazy but I'm old (53).
This is me too. My younger friends, some of them, have explained when I've asked that just calling and hanging up is a thing which indicates they'd like to hear from me and that it's more normal in their peer group. I'll often just text back "Hey I was in a meeting, what's up?" so I don't have to get into some phone taggish situation.
posted by jessamyn at 9:35 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
This is me too. My younger friends, some of them, have explained when I've asked that just calling and hanging up is a thing which indicates they'd like to hear from me and that it's more normal in their peer group. I'll often just text back "Hey I was in a meeting, what's up?" so I don't have to get into some phone taggish situation.
posted by jessamyn at 9:35 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
It depends on my relationship to the person. My sister and best friend know to call me back if I leave a missed call even if I don't leave a VM, and vice versa. A random phone number would be much less likely to receive a callback.
posted by vegartanipla at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by vegartanipla at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2013
I never listen to voicemail messages unless it's from someone I don't know. Likewise, I never leave them for people I speak to frequently. I figure they can see that I called, and will call me back. But if they don't I wouldn't hold that against them.
That said I am a VERY frequent texter and almost never make phone calls anyway, so if I needed to talk to someone I would send a message some other way, or call them back.
I mean, don't you want to know why they called? The curiosity gets me every time.
posted by lyssabee at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
That said I am a VERY frequent texter and almost never make phone calls anyway, so if I needed to talk to someone I would send a message some other way, or call them back.
I mean, don't you want to know why they called? The curiosity gets me every time.
posted by lyssabee at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm 32 and don't return missed calls, for the most part, but the younger people I know don't actually call me anyway, so why would I call them back? If it's important, they'll text/email. The older people I know leave voicemails.
posted by Sequence at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Sequence at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I HATE voicemail. I briefly even changed my voicemail message to something trying to nicely say something like "please don't leave me a voicemail" but figured that would be a bad idea on the offchance someone from work called or whatever. Now I just tell my friends and family not to leave me one.
Really there's no point. It's a cell phone, I'll see the missed call alert and call you back. If you have a message you desperately need me to see, send a text.
posted by cali59 at 9:38 AM on September 30, 2013 [11 favorites]
Really there's no point. It's a cell phone, I'll see the missed call alert and call you back. If you have a message you desperately need me to see, send a text.
posted by cali59 at 9:38 AM on September 30, 2013 [11 favorites]
Oh, I just remembered -- this is also a thing that people do when they have limited-minutes plans that charge them to make a call but not to receive a call (which I think is the case in most non-US places). So if you're running low on minutes for the month, you call-and-hang-up your friend, and if he has more minutes, he calls you back.
posted by Etrigan at 9:39 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by Etrigan at 9:39 AM on September 30, 2013
I am 27. If you don't leave a message for me I will assume you don't want to talk to me, both at work and at home. Send me an email or a text to follow up or leave me a voicemail. If you're someone I know, I'll text you back. Maybe, MAYBE call, maybe. (I really hate phone calls.)
Exceptions: family members, boss
On the rare chance that I do call back (like if a particular number has been ringing me a lot) it's happened a few times that it's been someone who has called me inadvertently--dialed the wrong number, thumb tapped the wrong contact, etc. So I really just don't worry about it.
If it's important, I figure the person will figure out some means of letting me know it was important. If you just call and ghost out, I honestly can't be assed to care.
posted by phunniemee at 9:40 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Exceptions: family members, boss
On the rare chance that I do call back (like if a particular number has been ringing me a lot) it's happened a few times that it's been someone who has called me inadvertently--dialed the wrong number, thumb tapped the wrong contact, etc. So I really just don't worry about it.
If it's important, I figure the person will figure out some means of letting me know it was important. If you just call and ghost out, I honestly can't be assed to care.
posted by phunniemee at 9:40 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I never leave voicemails or, for that matter, call people because I so hate receiving voicemails (and, frankly, calls–just text me, please!). And, unless it's work related, I almost never listen to the voicemails I do receive. I just call the person back. So, if someone calls and doesn't leave a voicemail, I assume they either misdialed or it just wasn't important and let it go (because if it was that important they would have texted me in the first place). I'm 45.
posted by marimeko at 9:42 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by marimeko at 9:42 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
So yeah, I hate voicemail, hate getting it and hate leaving it, and I know a lot of people my age (mid 20s) who agree. But! If I call you and you don't pick up, and I don't want to leave a message but I do want to get in touch with you, I will either text you or call you back later. Or email you, or FB message you, or any of the million other ways of contacting you.
The reason I dislike voicemail is that it's super easy to miss important information in a recorded message- for instance, an address- and then I have to re-listen to it again and sometimes multiple times and it's just fucking aggravating.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:43 AM on September 30, 2013
The reason I dislike voicemail is that it's super easy to miss important information in a recorded message- for instance, an address- and then I have to re-listen to it again and sometimes multiple times and it's just fucking aggravating.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:43 AM on September 30, 2013
My method is usually to call people back if they are in my directory. So if my parents or friends or whatever calls, I will call them back (sometimes they leave VM, but I never listen to it). If a phone number I don't know calls and doesn't leave VM I figure it was a misdial and don't call them back. I hate the "YOU JUST CALLED ME WHY?" return calls that were big for a while.
Since my friends pretty much work the same way, this all works out. I don't think there's any correct method, but it's easiest if everyone in your group agrees on one standard, whichever it is.
posted by jeather at 9:45 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Since my friends pretty much work the same way, this all works out. I don't think there's any correct method, but it's easiest if everyone in your group agrees on one standard, whichever it is.
posted by jeather at 9:45 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Just a datapoint - I'm 28 and among my friends, leaving a voice mail message is the signal to call me back - this is because if there is bad cell reception, a missed call notification is sometimes dropped but a vm notification always gets through. Also, it's pretty typical that people screen their calls so if you're calling from a strange number, I will not call back without a vm or a text. It's pretty rare that someone will actually listen to the message, though.
(There is nothing more embarrassing than accidentally dialing someone, not hanging up fast enough, and then having them call you back.)
I have noticed that texts have started to replace VMs - someone calls me, I don't pick up, and they text directly after.
posted by muddgirl at 9:45 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
(There is nothing more embarrassing than accidentally dialing someone, not hanging up fast enough, and then having them call you back.)
I have noticed that texts have started to replace VMs - someone calls me, I don't pick up, and they text directly after.
posted by muddgirl at 9:45 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I will return missed calls provided that the person is programmed into my phone or if I am expecting a call. But if you are already in my phone, its quite likely I will just email or text to find out what's up.
I also hate voice mail, the messages are usually garbled and if there is important info I have to listen multiple times to even get the message. Also, 99% of my voicemails are Hi, this is So and So, call me back. Email/text are way better for messages.
posted by florencetnoa at 9:46 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I also hate voice mail, the messages are usually garbled and if there is important info I have to listen multiple times to even get the message. Also, 99% of my voicemails are Hi, this is So and So, call me back. Email/text are way better for messages.
posted by florencetnoa at 9:46 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have noticed that texts have started to replace VMs - someone calls me, I don't pick up, and they text directly after.
1000 times this. If there is a missed call but no further communication (voicemail or text message), none should be needed in return. But I also think people should call on the phone very, very rarely, so Miss Manners for the Modern Age I am not.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:47 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
1000 times this. If there is a missed call but no further communication (voicemail or text message), none should be needed in return. But I also think people should call on the phone very, very rarely, so Miss Manners for the Modern Age I am not.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:47 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
If it's a missed call from a friend or family member, it's the same as leaving a message to me. If I see a missed call from my sister, for example, I know she wants to talk to me at my earliest convenience. If it's something important or urgent, she will leave a message with details. If it's something trivial that doesn't warrant a call back we will often then just text the message. My friends and family members who do this range in age between mid 20s to mid 50s.
I think the general consensus is that we don't need to wait through the long outgoing message just to say, "Hey, this is 3fluffies calling you! Call me back!" since the missed call shows that 3fluffies just called.
If it's a missed call from an unknown number, I don't bother calling back -- that could easily be a wrong number and doesn't need a follow up.
posted by 3fluffies at 9:47 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think the general consensus is that we don't need to wait through the long outgoing message just to say, "Hey, this is 3fluffies calling you! Call me back!" since the missed call shows that 3fluffies just called.
If it's a missed call from an unknown number, I don't bother calling back -- that could easily be a wrong number and doesn't need a follow up.
posted by 3fluffies at 9:47 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
I hate using the phone for phone calls, and voicemail is slow and irritating. However, I function the same way you do. If someone calls and doesn't leave a message, then it wasn't important and I don't call them back. They can text me or send an email or whatever if its really important. Blocked or unknown numbers get ignored, they can leave a VM if they're genuine - all my doctor's offices appear as "blocked" and they will leave a VM.
posted by Joh at 9:48 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by Joh at 9:48 AM on September 30, 2013
I call back only the missed calls from people I know, or people who leave a voicemail. In practice, this comes down to basically my husband and close family. This is mostly because they used to leave voicemails that just boiled down to "Hey, this is [person], call me back when you get the chance." If it's really urgent, they'll text or call back immediately after the first call (I don't answer my phone during the work day usually).
posted by specialagentwebb at 9:49 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by specialagentwebb at 9:49 AM on September 30, 2013
Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I'm 29, for what that's worth.
When I do return the call, it's usually in one of the following circumstances.
1. I'm expecting a call or text from the person. I figure they probably called rather than texted for a reason, and didn't want to be bothered leaving a voicemail.
2. It's my mom. She might get worried.
3. It's my SO. It could be a time-sensitive favor like "hey, can you pick up a quart of milk on your way home from work?"
4. It's someone I know fairly well who doesn't ordinarily call me, because I figure something might be up or they might want my help.
I never call back unknown numbers who did not leave voicemails.
posted by breakin' the law at 9:50 AM on September 30, 2013 [8 favorites]
When I do return the call, it's usually in one of the following circumstances.
1. I'm expecting a call or text from the person. I figure they probably called rather than texted for a reason, and didn't want to be bothered leaving a voicemail.
2. It's my mom. She might get worried.
3. It's my SO. It could be a time-sensitive favor like "hey, can you pick up a quart of milk on your way home from work?"
4. It's someone I know fairly well who doesn't ordinarily call me, because I figure something might be up or they might want my help.
I never call back unknown numbers who did not leave voicemails.
posted by breakin' the law at 9:50 AM on September 30, 2013 [8 favorites]
Missed calls from people I am in frequent contact with will get a callback. Missed calls from businesses or unknown numbers get ignored.
My friends know that I prefer texts over calls, so I assume calls are important and call back asap.
I'm 31, and staunchly resisted cellphones until about 2006, if that helps.
posted by cmyk at 9:51 AM on September 30, 2013
My friends know that I prefer texts over calls, so I assume calls are important and call back asap.
I'm 31, and staunchly resisted cellphones until about 2006, if that helps.
posted by cmyk at 9:51 AM on September 30, 2013
I also do what you do. The difference perhaps, is that my VM greeting says that if you don't leave a message I will not return the call. No one seems to have a problem with that. And...TEXT!
posted by txmon at 9:52 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by txmon at 9:52 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm in my mid (late?) twenties and I generally don't leave voicemail messages, unless they're about something really specific (I'm running late, so I'll see you in half an hour). It's nice if someone calls me back when they see I've called but I don't expect it. If it's really important I will try back later. On the other side, my parents (my main callers) know that I don't really like receiving voicemails and that I will call back if I see they called.
posted by mlle valentine at 9:52 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by mlle valentine at 9:52 AM on September 30, 2013
It is not rude to call someone back from a missed call with no voicemail. It is also not rude NOT to call someone back from a missed call with no voicemail. If someone calls you and does not leave a voicemail, you have no way of knowing if they want you to call them back or not, so do what you want. Most people have agreements (spoken or unspoken) with people about how to deal with unanswered calls. Your policy with one person can be different from your policy with another.
I am voicemail averse and the one that gets on my nerves the most is "Hi, this is X and you didn't answer so I will call back later." I don't need to listen to a voicemail to know that.
posted by soelo at 9:52 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am voicemail averse and the one that gets on my nerves the most is "Hi, this is X and you didn't answer so I will call back later." I don't need to listen to a voicemail to know that.
posted by soelo at 9:52 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I used to return the missed-calls, but they always turned out to either be telemarketers, people who realized they had the wrong number and hung up, or a friend of mine whose new phone butt-dialed me every day for a solid week once. I wouldn't worry about it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:53 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:53 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I almost never answer the phone, and everyone pretty much knows this is the case. If I am on my way to meet someone and I see a missed call, I will call back and see if they are lost or late or whatever. Otherwise I will text (usually a text, I hate talking on the phone). If there is no immediacy to the situation I will generally do nothing unless their call reminds me that I want to text or email them something.
If it is an unknown number and they don't leave a voicemail, they are trying to sell me something I don't want and I ignore those calls and will do so forever.
In general the "call me/get in touch with me" signal is not a hangup, it's a text message saying HEY CALL ME. You're not doing anything untoward.
posted by elizardbits at 9:53 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
If it is an unknown number and they don't leave a voicemail, they are trying to sell me something I don't want and I ignore those calls and will do so forever.
In general the "call me/get in touch with me" signal is not a hangup, it's a text message saying HEY CALL ME. You're not doing anything untoward.
posted by elizardbits at 9:53 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm one of those who hates voicemail. I basically just ignore voicemail, and just contact the number back as soon as possible.
I call back unknown numbers; and text known ones.
I'm 29, and have had a cell phone since 2002.
posted by RainyJay at 9:54 AM on September 30, 2013
I call back unknown numbers; and text known ones.
I'm 29, and have had a cell phone since 2002.
posted by RainyJay at 9:54 AM on September 30, 2013
In my case, if you're calling me, somebody better be dead or another emergency situation (if you know me, you know I don't answer the phone). So I'll check the voicemail periodically just for the occasional thing but I only call back if you leave a voicemail or text me telling me it's important.
There are exceptions obviously like if I'm meeting someone.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:54 AM on September 30, 2013
There are exceptions obviously like if I'm meeting someone.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:54 AM on September 30, 2013
My assumption is that if someone calls me and doesn't leave a voicemail, the reason for their call was a) unimportant or b) time-sensitive enough that leaving a voicemail and waiting for my return call would be futile.
Those assumptions sound fine.
However, if friends of yours are calling "just to chat" or "just to say hi", they might consider that not important enough to leave a message, but may still feel that it's important to maintaining the friendship to stay in touch that calling or texting would be prudent if you wish to maintain the friendship as well.
I'm in the group that would rather not jump through all the hoops of my voicemail only to hear "Hi, this is ____. I was just calling to see how you were.", which a friend of mine who doesn't text used to leave me all the time -- I've since requested that they only leave me a message if there's something they need to let me know, and that I'll assume they just called to chat if I see they called and did not leave a message -- but, this is only for people I talk to on the phone often. Someone I haven't talked to in a year, no -- on the other hand, I'm unlikely to return a call from someone I haven't talked to in a year who can't leave a message that says more than to call them back.
For business calls, or if it's an unknown number, it depends on the context whether or not I call back if there isn't a message. I only call back numbers that are in the US, which avoids much of the callback scams.
If you just missed picking up a call from your boss, always call them back even if they did not leave a message.
posted by yohko at 9:55 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Those assumptions sound fine.
However, if friends of yours are calling "just to chat" or "just to say hi", they might consider that not important enough to leave a message, but may still feel that it's important to maintaining the friendship to stay in touch that calling or texting would be prudent if you wish to maintain the friendship as well.
I'm in the group that would rather not jump through all the hoops of my voicemail only to hear "Hi, this is ____. I was just calling to see how you were.", which a friend of mine who doesn't text used to leave me all the time -- I've since requested that they only leave me a message if there's something they need to let me know, and that I'll assume they just called to chat if I see they called and did not leave a message -- but, this is only for people I talk to on the phone often. Someone I haven't talked to in a year, no -- on the other hand, I'm unlikely to return a call from someone I haven't talked to in a year who can't leave a message that says more than to call them back.
For business calls, or if it's an unknown number, it depends on the context whether or not I call back if there isn't a message. I only call back numbers that are in the US, which avoids much of the callback scams.
If you just missed picking up a call from your boss, always call them back even if they did not leave a message.
posted by yohko at 9:55 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm 29 and I also hate it when people leave messages.
if there is bad cell reception, a missed call notification is sometimes dropped but a vm notification always gets through.
The reverse of this is true on my network (UK/O2/stupidphone). I often don't get answerphone notifications until days later. Also, if you call me and I don't get to the phone in time, I will try to call you back. If you are busily leaving me an answerphone message, you will be engaged. I'll have to call you repeatedly until you finish leaving an inane message saying 'Hi, it's me, call me back', and then I'll have to call my voicemail number and listen to your message before I delete it. I would not put another person through this. I generally assume they will call me back, although if it's particularly urgent I'll send a text. If I missed-call them multiple times and they don't call me back, I am a little bit hurt tbh.
posted by Acheman at 9:58 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
if there is bad cell reception, a missed call notification is sometimes dropped but a vm notification always gets through.
The reverse of this is true on my network (UK/O2/stupidphone). I often don't get answerphone notifications until days later. Also, if you call me and I don't get to the phone in time, I will try to call you back. If you are busily leaving me an answerphone message, you will be engaged. I'll have to call you repeatedly until you finish leaving an inane message saying 'Hi, it's me, call me back', and then I'll have to call my voicemail number and listen to your message before I delete it. I would not put another person through this. I generally assume they will call me back, although if it's particularly urgent I'll send a text. If I missed-call them multiple times and they don't call me back, I am a little bit hurt tbh.
posted by Acheman at 9:58 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think you should do whatever works for you; there's no universal etiquette about it in my experience.
That said, a lot of people hate leaving voicemails, and it seems sort of weird to make a point of never calling someone back if they don't leave them.
In general, I think it's better to err on the side of calling people back, in general, unless you have a specific reason not to.
posted by Sara C. at 10:03 AM on September 30, 2013
That said, a lot of people hate leaving voicemails, and it seems sort of weird to make a point of never calling someone back if they don't leave them.
In general, I think it's better to err on the side of calling people back, in general, unless you have a specific reason not to.
posted by Sara C. at 10:03 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm 48 & I won't call you back if you don't leave a voicemail; leave on & I'll call you back promptly. My kids are 19 & 17 and they won't call you back* whether you leave a voicemail or not, because they don't check their voicemail - but they'll reply to your text right away.
*Rule does not apply to grandma - she gets a callback regardless.
posted by headnsouth at 10:08 AM on September 30, 2013
*Rule does not apply to grandma - she gets a callback regardless.
posted by headnsouth at 10:08 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm 27. I don't generally return missed calls on the grounds that if it really mattered you'd either keep phoning, leave a message or contact me some other way. I have solved the voicemail problem by having Google Voice text me (sometimes laughably bad) transcripts. This is usually enough to let me know how urgently I should be calling you back.
posted by hoyland at 10:09 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by hoyland at 10:09 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
30 year old here. I don't like voicemails either, but I won't return a call if you don't leave one for the exact same reasons you listed.
posted by royalsong at 10:10 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by royalsong at 10:10 AM on September 30, 2013
Late 30s here. I used to return missed calls without voicemails until I heard enough people tell me that they were calling "just because". Now I assume that if it's important enough to want a call back, it is important enough to leave a message. I follow this rule when placing calls to unattended numbers as well.
This is a bit of a sore spot for me because I receive a firmwide email at least several times a week from the reception to the effect of, "Joe Blow called because he received a call from this number and wants to know what it is about. Please call Joe Blow if you called him."
I've never had anyone complain to me, "didn't you see that I called? why didn't you call?"
posted by Tanizaki at 10:12 AM on September 30, 2013
This is a bit of a sore spot for me because I receive a firmwide email at least several times a week from the reception to the effect of, "Joe Blow called because he received a call from this number and wants to know what it is about. Please call Joe Blow if you called him."
I've never had anyone complain to me, "didn't you see that I called? why didn't you call?"
posted by Tanizaki at 10:12 AM on September 30, 2013
45 year old here. I do return missed calls from my wife, mother, and close friends. Anybody else needs to leave a message or text me.
posted by COD at 10:13 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by COD at 10:13 AM on September 30, 2013
to me, a call with no VM from someone I know means "I tried to call you because I had time to chat" (and is vastly preferable to a VM to this effect.) I'll usually send a text back to see what's up and if it's a good time to call back.
It's a level of contact that means "I was thinking of you" so it's nice to acknowledge it, but it's not an urgent signal of need to convey information. If there's urgent info to convey, you text or VM.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:16 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
It's a level of contact that means "I was thinking of you" so it's nice to acknowledge it, but it's not an urgent signal of need to convey information. If there's urgent info to convey, you text or VM.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:16 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I return all missed calls, even if no message is left, as long as I recognize the number or have it in my contacts. My cell is primarily for work though, so the missed call is almost always from a customer who is looking for me. Missed calls from numbers I don't know (and from whom no message is left) get no call back.
I also don't leave voicemails unless it's very important. If I can wait to talk to the person, I save myself the rambilng messages I tend to leave and send a followup e-mail.
posted by futureisunwritten at 10:21 AM on September 30, 2013
I also don't leave voicemails unless it's very important. If I can wait to talk to the person, I save myself the rambilng messages I tend to leave and send a followup e-mail.
posted by futureisunwritten at 10:21 AM on September 30, 2013
This must be a "generational" thing where some of us are right on the cusp.
I am 37-ish. When someone calls and does not leave a voicemail, then I won't call them back. If it's important, they'll leave a message.
Additionally, if my phone is literally powered off (for example if my battery is fully drained yet again), then I will have no "missed call" indicator, but I will see that there was a voicemail.
So, basically, if you call me and don't leave a voicemail, you should assume that I didn't see that you called at all.
If you have time to call, but no time to leave a message, then text me!
posted by jozxyqk at 10:28 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I am 37-ish. When someone calls and does not leave a voicemail, then I won't call them back. If it's important, they'll leave a message.
Additionally, if my phone is literally powered off (for example if my battery is fully drained yet again), then I will have no "missed call" indicator, but I will see that there was a voicemail.
So, basically, if you call me and don't leave a voicemail, you should assume that I didn't see that you called at all.
If you have time to call, but no time to leave a message, then text me!
posted by jozxyqk at 10:28 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
45. Leave me a voice mail if it's important but not time sensitive; text or email (iPhone, so I can get it most anywhere) if it's urgent and I need to know now. I don't return missed calls without a voicemail or other indication of importance.
Data point: my mother is 77 and will not leave a voice mail pretty much ever, even though she has an answering machine on her landline and knows I have voicemail on my phone. I think she wants to talk when she wants to talk, though, and it's a control freak thing to make me call her. Now that I see her every week anyway, she gets the same treatment as everyone else (voicemail or no return call).
posted by immlass at 10:34 AM on September 30, 2013
Data point: my mother is 77 and will not leave a voice mail pretty much ever, even though she has an answering machine on her landline and knows I have voicemail on my phone. I think she wants to talk when she wants to talk, though, and it's a control freak thing to make me call her. Now that I see her every week anyway, she gets the same treatment as everyone else (voicemail or no return call).
posted by immlass at 10:34 AM on September 30, 2013
I am over 50 and do not return missed calls. I rarely return messages either unless it specifically asks for something and I want to give it. My friends all know I use Google Voice and will get a transcript of the voicemail sent to me, so they tend to leave detailed messages.
I will pick up if someone calls me two or three times in a short period. I then assume it is urgent.
I think this is an individual decision and that your friends will start to recognize whatever pattern you exhibit and act accordingly.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:47 AM on September 30, 2013
I will pick up if someone calls me two or three times in a short period. I then assume it is urgent.
I think this is an individual decision and that your friends will start to recognize whatever pattern you exhibit and act accordingly.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:47 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm 37. I never return missed calls.
If it's someone I know, I might text back. If I don't know the number, I never think about it again.
I've posted this before, but it was a long time ago. I work in an large office. We have a phone system without direct lines. I answer the main line and I used to get several calls EVERY DAY from people who would say, "Uh, hi. Someone from this number called me?" This was usually followed by extreme irritation from the caller as I (not being a mind-reader) tried to suss out who he might know from our office and determine who called him. FUCK OFF AND DIE.
I rarely get these calls anymore - they faded out and they're now nearly non-existent. So maybe less people are doing this in general now? Just a data point.
posted by peep at 10:53 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
If it's someone I know, I might text back. If I don't know the number, I never think about it again.
I've posted this before, but it was a long time ago. I work in an large office. We have a phone system without direct lines. I answer the main line and I used to get several calls EVERY DAY from people who would say, "Uh, hi. Someone from this number called me?" This was usually followed by extreme irritation from the caller as I (not being a mind-reader) tried to suss out who he might know from our office and determine who called him. FUCK OFF AND DIE.
I rarely get these calls anymore - they faded out and they're now nearly non-existent. So maybe less people are doing this in general now? Just a data point.
posted by peep at 10:53 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm almost 40, and have had a cellphone for almost 20. I am surprised to find, through this AskMe, that the way I handle voicemails/missed calls and the way I expect my voicemails/missed calls to be handled differ somewhat!
I'm chatty and I like talking on the phone so I often call people to catch up. When I get voicemail on one of these calls, I only leave a message if it's someone I haven't talked to in a while (months) saying "hey, was thinking about you, give me a call sometime". Otherwise I don't leave a message or followup text because I'm not calling for any particular reason and it's not time-sensitive. If I have specific purpose, question or time-sensitive matter, I will typically leave a message with the salient details, and follow-up with a text.. mostly because I already do the missed-call hangup/no vm thing.
But I'm in the minority, preferring voice to texting, it would seem. I'm much more likely to call and try and catch you a couple of times than send a text.
I always return missed calls, from people I know.
posted by ApathyGirl at 10:56 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm chatty and I like talking on the phone so I often call people to catch up. When I get voicemail on one of these calls, I only leave a message if it's someone I haven't talked to in a while (months) saying "hey, was thinking about you, give me a call sometime". Otherwise I don't leave a message or followup text because I'm not calling for any particular reason and it's not time-sensitive. If I have specific purpose, question or time-sensitive matter, I will typically leave a message with the salient details, and follow-up with a text.. mostly because I already do the missed-call hangup/no vm thing.
But I'm in the minority, preferring voice to texting, it would seem. I'm much more likely to call and try and catch you a couple of times than send a text.
I always return missed calls, from people I know.
posted by ApathyGirl at 10:56 AM on September 30, 2013
Surprised by these answers!
I always return missed calls. Who leaves voicemail?
("Hey, just saw you called. What's up?")
posted by 4bulafia at 11:06 AM on September 30, 2013
I always return missed calls. Who leaves voicemail?
("Hey, just saw you called. What's up?")
posted by 4bulafia at 11:06 AM on September 30, 2013
Judge John Hodgman resolved this in Episode 67: Call in the Family. He is with you on this.
posted by cosmac at 11:13 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by cosmac at 11:13 AM on September 30, 2013
If you can't be bothered to send an email, a text, or leave a voice mail, I can't be bothered to call you back. Sorry, voice mail haters: The burden is on you, as the person with the message and desire to contact the recipient.
(Of course, if it's different in your circle of friends, fine, but you just can't assume that random other people know that they should call you back.)
posted by wintersweet at 11:16 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
(Of course, if it's different in your circle of friends, fine, but you just can't assume that random other people know that they should call you back.)
posted by wintersweet at 11:16 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
Yeah, I return missed calls but this is largely because I've trained people not to leave me voicemail, because I really hate voicemail.
posted by Medieval Maven at 11:16 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by Medieval Maven at 11:16 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm 25, and have had a cellphone since I was 14ish. I return missed calls within an hour or so if I see the notification by then and feel like talking, since my friends who don't leave voicemails are usually calling just to chat. If I don't feel like talking and know the friend was calling to catch up, I try to send a quick text along the lines of, "got your call, can't talk right now, but call back *insert time/day here*?" Otherwise I assume if it was important/urgent, they'd have left a voicemail or sent a text.
If I'm calling someone and they don't answer, I rarely leave voicemail except with my parents or other older relatives. I generally text instead. I don't think any of this makes you flaky, though it can lead to passive aggressive phone tag with others who don't share the same phone habits as you.
posted by yasaman at 11:19 AM on September 30, 2013
If I'm calling someone and they don't answer, I rarely leave voicemail except with my parents or other older relatives. I generally text instead. I don't think any of this makes you flaky, though it can lead to passive aggressive phone tag with others who don't share the same phone habits as you.
posted by yasaman at 11:19 AM on September 30, 2013
I would turn voicemail off entirely were that an option for me. I do not listen to messages. I d return missed calls.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:20 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by DarlingBri at 11:20 AM on September 30, 2013
I generally call back or send a text when I get missed calls from people I know, because, with the people I know, if they're actually making a voice call it means they had a reason to do it. The general feeling is that voicemails are redundant, and a hassle at that, so the missed call notification is sufficient. I think too that since we mostly all operate this way it means that we only ever get voicemails from parents, doctors' offices, and bill collectors, so leaving a voicemail means making an association in the callee's mind between you and those things, which is presumably undesirable.
All that said, like a lot of people here, I don't think that's a universally-held position, and most people who operate the way I do are probably aware of that. So I think you're fine keeping on like you do.
posted by invitapriore at 11:42 AM on September 30, 2013
All that said, like a lot of people here, I don't think that's a universally-held position, and most people who operate the way I do are probably aware of that. So I think you're fine keeping on like you do.
posted by invitapriore at 11:42 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm 40ish, for what it's worth. If I'm driving and I call someone and they don't answer, I tend to leave a voicemail if it's important. If I'm not driving, I often follow up a missed call with a text or an e-mail if I know they have e-mail and check it. If I'm calling a friend and I just meant to talk rubbish, I don't leave a message, and assume they'll see the call (or not) and call me back (or not).
I understand the hate for voicemail (although smart phones actually make it pretty quick to play back), but don't see where that excuses people a) ignoring VMs and letting their mailbox fill up or conversely b) expecting people to somehow "know" that my having called you means I expect you to call back.
If you're philosophically opposed to VM, tell your cell company to disable it, or put a message on there that says you don't listen to VMs.
On the contrary, what I'M thinking when I don't leave a message is:
- I meant to call someone else, and realized my mistake when I heard the greeting (there is a special place in hell for people I don't know who picked up my number from a wrong number dialing attempt and call back to GIVE ME THE THIRD DEGREE. I mean, call if you like, but I'm not telling you all about who I am and who I might have been trying to call...)
- I meant to call you, but it's not that important, or I'll try something/someone else before calling back to leave a message.
and as for those who call me, I reckon it's either one of the above or eventually they'll figure out I'm not calling them and try me again.
But then, I have a philosophical dislike for this idea that carrying a phone obligates you to attend to every single interruption it brings, 24/7.
posted by randomkeystrike at 11:45 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
I understand the hate for voicemail (although smart phones actually make it pretty quick to play back), but don't see where that excuses people a) ignoring VMs and letting their mailbox fill up or conversely b) expecting people to somehow "know" that my having called you means I expect you to call back.
If you're philosophically opposed to VM, tell your cell company to disable it, or put a message on there that says you don't listen to VMs.
On the contrary, what I'M thinking when I don't leave a message is:
- I meant to call someone else, and realized my mistake when I heard the greeting (there is a special place in hell for people I don't know who picked up my number from a wrong number dialing attempt and call back to GIVE ME THE THIRD DEGREE. I mean, call if you like, but I'm not telling you all about who I am and who I might have been trying to call...)
- I meant to call you, but it's not that important, or I'll try something/someone else before calling back to leave a message.
and as for those who call me, I reckon it's either one of the above or eventually they'll figure out I'm not calling them and try me again.
But then, I have a philosophical dislike for this idea that carrying a phone obligates you to attend to every single interruption it brings, 24/7.
posted by randomkeystrike at 11:45 AM on September 30, 2013 [5 favorites]
I'm 25, and I rarely pick up my phone. Whether I call someone back depends on who that person is. If it's a friend I feel like talking to, then yes, I'll call them back. But if the caller actually wants a call back, I would expect them to either leave a voicemail, or send me a text or an email, specifically requesting I return their call.
posted by ethidda at 11:48 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by ethidda at 11:48 AM on September 30, 2013
Interestingly, and in near total contradiction to my comment just now, I have found that more people call me back more often when I *don't* leave a message, which is why I've gone to sending texts more often instead of leaving VMs. This I attribute to those twin "C"s of the human condition: Curiosity and Cussedness.
However, I still don't think one is obligated to return the call. I think it works because curiosity gets the better of some people.
posted by randomkeystrike at 11:51 AM on September 30, 2013
However, I still don't think one is obligated to return the call. I think it works because curiosity gets the better of some people.
posted by randomkeystrike at 11:51 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm aggressive in not returning calls. If you call, leave a voicemail, or text, but you don't specifically ask me to call you back, NO CALL!
posted by blue_beetle at 11:54 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 11:54 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
95% of the time, I will not return a missed call without a voicemail. If it's someone like my wife or other family member, I might return a text with "need something?" Otherwise, if they want a return call, they need to signal that to me in some manner that's not so passive.
posted by slogger at 12:07 PM on September 30, 2013
posted by slogger at 12:07 PM on September 30, 2013
If someone leaves no message, usually they either got what they needed from someone else, or they follow up with a text or e-mail if they still need me (because people who work with me know I'm faster to respond by e-mail anyway), or they're just phone spam ... or, you know, they leave a message.
I will call back my mom and my BFF if I see them in my missed call list, because they were probably just calling to chat and had no particular message to leave, and I like to chat with them anyway. I try to remember to leave my mom a message saying, "Just calling to say hi," because she gets anxious when she sees missed calls with no message attached, but she has learned that her kids are not dead in a ditch, they just don't like voicemail, and the missed call notification itself is the message for her to call back.
(If I missed a call from a good friend but someone I don't really phone-chat with, and I don't have any idea what it might be about, I often return those calls or shoot a text that says, "What's up, do you need me?" Since usually you have at least SOME idea why someone is calling, you know? But I'm in the baby-and-small-children phase of life so sometimes missed calls from good friends are things like "I'M IN LABOR" or "MY KIDS ARE VOMITING EVERYWHERE CAN YOU GO GET ME GATORADE AT THE STORE?" And in fact it is a time-sensitive situation but they may not have found anyone to pick up yet, and they're not taking the time between calls to leave messages or send e-mails.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:11 PM on September 30, 2013
I will call back my mom and my BFF if I see them in my missed call list, because they were probably just calling to chat and had no particular message to leave, and I like to chat with them anyway. I try to remember to leave my mom a message saying, "Just calling to say hi," because she gets anxious when she sees missed calls with no message attached, but she has learned that her kids are not dead in a ditch, they just don't like voicemail, and the missed call notification itself is the message for her to call back.
(If I missed a call from a good friend but someone I don't really phone-chat with, and I don't have any idea what it might be about, I often return those calls or shoot a text that says, "What's up, do you need me?" Since usually you have at least SOME idea why someone is calling, you know? But I'm in the baby-and-small-children phase of life so sometimes missed calls from good friends are things like "I'M IN LABOR" or "MY KIDS ARE VOMITING EVERYWHERE CAN YOU GO GET ME GATORADE AT THE STORE?" And in fact it is a time-sensitive situation but they may not have found anyone to pick up yet, and they're not taking the time between calls to leave messages or send e-mails.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:11 PM on September 30, 2013
I almost always return missed calls. My interpretation (as a twentysomething in the UK) is that since most communication is via texting, there's usually a reasonably good reason for someone to call me — usually it's related to something social, like asking me to grab an ingredient or booze when they know I'm on my way to their place.
I feel personally like it's a little rude to not at least text someone back if I see that they've tried to call. But this is probably a generational thing, as people are saying. I'm not massively opposed to voicemail or anything, but I'm thinking back and I can't remember ever having received one from someone I know — at least, probably not for years and years. I very occasionally leave them, but ever since my parents got the hang of iMessage I don't have to do that anymore. Interesting range of answers!
posted by jaffacakerhubarb at 12:17 PM on September 30, 2013
I feel personally like it's a little rude to not at least text someone back if I see that they've tried to call. But this is probably a generational thing, as people are saying. I'm not massively opposed to voicemail or anything, but I'm thinking back and I can't remember ever having received one from someone I know — at least, probably not for years and years. I very occasionally leave them, but ever since my parents got the hang of iMessage I don't have to do that anymore. Interesting range of answers!
posted by jaffacakerhubarb at 12:17 PM on September 30, 2013
For most people I suspect it depends on the caller. That's definitely how it is for me. I'm in my late 30s... A call from a number I don't recognize and no voicemail? I'm going to assume it's a telemarketer or wrong number. A call from a number I do recognize and no voicemail? If it's someone I call/e-mail/text with on a regular basis I'll assume it's not that important and drop you a "Hey sorry I missed your call, what's up" email later on. If it's someone who doesn't call me often I'll probably call them back because that's unusual. (Or I may not because it's that guy who only ever calls when he's looking for volunteers for one thing or another, and I don't have any time to spare at the moment.)
In a nutshell: If you call me but don't leave a voicemail or follow up with a text/email, I'm going to assume it wasn't important.
posted by usonian at 12:22 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
In a nutshell: If you call me but don't leave a voicemail or follow up with a text/email, I'm going to assume it wasn't important.
posted by usonian at 12:22 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Everyone I know - 99-percent of friends, work, and family except my husband - thinks it is rude and weird to return a missed call unless you just missed it.
I can actually name a friend who people don't call because no one wants to deal with her calling back at some random, inconvenient time.
My husband will return calls even if he didn't see or have time to deal with my call for hours. Drive me nuts so I started leaving "don't return this - just calling to chat for no reason! " VM.
Spouse does not otherwise return missed calls.
Every one in my everyone list texts so if they need someone they'll leave VM or more likely follow up with text. Many people just don't call because text and email are easier.
The exception would calls that appear to be boss or client calls and the "rule" with everyone I know is follow up with an email just in case they were trying to reach you.
I think the assumption is that VM exists for leaving messages. People who don't want to leave messages try to hang up before VM kicks in, but are thwarted by technology.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 12:24 PM on September 30, 2013
I can actually name a friend who people don't call because no one wants to deal with her calling back at some random, inconvenient time.
My husband will return calls even if he didn't see or have time to deal with my call for hours. Drive me nuts so I started leaving "don't return this - just calling to chat for no reason! " VM.
Spouse does not otherwise return missed calls.
Every one in my everyone list texts so if they need someone they'll leave VM or more likely follow up with text. Many people just don't call because text and email are easier.
The exception would calls that appear to be boss or client calls and the "rule" with everyone I know is follow up with an email just in case they were trying to reach you.
I think the assumption is that VM exists for leaving messages. People who don't want to leave messages try to hang up before VM kicks in, but are thwarted by technology.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 12:24 PM on September 30, 2013
I return calls, whether or not there is a voicemail. I'd leave a voicemail for someone, in this instance, and then wait for them to get back to me.
I always feel a bit weird listening to voicemail. The person is talking to me but they're not actually there. Creeps me out a little. I like to leave a message if I can, just so the other person has some idea of what I'm calling for. the ball is then in their court if they want to get back to me or not.
posted by Solomon at 12:31 PM on September 30, 2013
I always feel a bit weird listening to voicemail. The person is talking to me but they're not actually there. Creeps me out a little. I like to leave a message if I can, just so the other person has some idea of what I'm calling for. the ball is then in their court if they want to get back to me or not.
posted by Solomon at 12:31 PM on September 30, 2013
I think messages about this sort of thing have a way of getting around, so if you haven't heard of any problems -- you missed a party, someone comments to you "Oh, I never leave voicemails", your mother calls you fourteen times and then calls everyone you know at 11:00 at night, things like that -- you're probably fine.
Actually, last time I got in a discussion about this sort of thing there was a significant minority that was actively outraged (in a "who do you think you are?" sort of sense) that people did return missed calls without voicemail. I think this at least supports the practice of not-calling if that's your inclination.
posted by sparktinker at 12:37 PM on September 30, 2013
Actually, last time I got in a discussion about this sort of thing there was a significant minority that was actively outraged (in a "who do you think you are?" sort of sense) that people did return missed calls without voicemail. I think this at least supports the practice of not-calling if that's your inclination.
posted by sparktinker at 12:37 PM on September 30, 2013
I'm 34. I tend to have a mindset of "if it's important, they'll leave a message."
If it's a number I don't recognize, and a message is not left, I won't call back. "If it's important, they will leave a message."
If it's a number I do recognize, and a message is not left, I also won't call back. "If it was important, they would have left a message, or they'll call me back when I can answer." In most cases, I'll get in touch with them anyway, because it's a close friend or family member whom I'm going to talk to at some point anyway.
The only exception to this rule is if its a system that does not have voicemail but gives you a Caller ID list of calls you have missed. There, since it is not possible for the caller to leave a message, I will return the call.
This causes problems for me with younger friends and acquaintances. "Why didn't you call me back?" "Because you didn't leave a message."
At work, the only way I know someone called at all is if they leave a message, as there is no Caller ID history.
I far, far prefer using e-mail, IM, or (if necessary) text messages to contact someone, but I hate talking on the phone. I will use the phone as a last resort, as I realize different people have different preferred methods of contact. And if it's important, I leave a message.
posted by tckma at 12:59 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
If it's a number I don't recognize, and a message is not left, I won't call back. "If it's important, they will leave a message."
If it's a number I do recognize, and a message is not left, I also won't call back. "If it was important, they would have left a message, or they'll call me back when I can answer." In most cases, I'll get in touch with them anyway, because it's a close friend or family member whom I'm going to talk to at some point anyway.
The only exception to this rule is if its a system that does not have voicemail but gives you a Caller ID list of calls you have missed. There, since it is not possible for the caller to leave a message, I will return the call.
This causes problems for me with younger friends and acquaintances. "Why didn't you call me back?" "Because you didn't leave a message."
At work, the only way I know someone called at all is if they leave a message, as there is no Caller ID history.
I far, far prefer using e-mail, IM, or (if necessary) text messages to contact someone, but I hate talking on the phone. I will use the phone as a last resort, as I realize different people have different preferred methods of contact. And if it's important, I leave a message.
posted by tckma at 12:59 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
# I don't recognize (not saved in my phone book) - don't call back unless they leave a voicemail (or I think it might be work-related).
# I do recognize (saved in my phone book) - a missed call is the implied equivalent of "Please call me back), so I do.
posted by amaire at 1:10 PM on September 30, 2013
# I do recognize (saved in my phone book) - a missed call is the implied equivalent of "Please call me back), so I do.
posted by amaire at 1:10 PM on September 30, 2013
(me: 38yo, no landline, non-smart phone, job doesn't involve calls to personal phone)
If someone unknown calls and doesn't leave a message, I assume it was a robot and don't even consider that the call even happened.
If someone in my phonebook (who is not a close friend) calls and doesn't leave a message, I assume they wanted something immediate and aren't expecting a callback. I might mention it next time I see them, or take it as a reminder to go check my email.
If a friend calls and leaves a message, I may or may not listen to the message before calling them back. I'm just enough onto the "voicemail is annoying" generation that I often don't bother.
If a close-close friend or family member calls, I don't expect them to leave a message; I call my husband (and a few others) back no matter what. I would for my mom/dad, too but they always leave messages (older generation) so it's a moot point.
Nobody has ever given me grief for not calling them back; I've sometimes gotten the phone call (no message) then 30 minutes later, phone call with message, as if they've realized I'm not calling them back and are now going to specifically request it.
posted by aimedwander at 1:13 PM on September 30, 2013
If someone unknown calls and doesn't leave a message, I assume it was a robot and don't even consider that the call even happened.
If someone in my phonebook (who is not a close friend) calls and doesn't leave a message, I assume they wanted something immediate and aren't expecting a callback. I might mention it next time I see them, or take it as a reminder to go check my email.
If a friend calls and leaves a message, I may or may not listen to the message before calling them back. I'm just enough onto the "voicemail is annoying" generation that I often don't bother.
If a close-close friend or family member calls, I don't expect them to leave a message; I call my husband (and a few others) back no matter what. I would for my mom/dad, too but they always leave messages (older generation) so it's a moot point.
Nobody has ever given me grief for not calling them back; I've sometimes gotten the phone call (no message) then 30 minutes later, phone call with message, as if they've realized I'm not calling them back and are now going to specifically request it.
posted by aimedwander at 1:13 PM on September 30, 2013
Early 20s here. I return all missed calls, no matter who it is, and if someone leaves me a voicemail it's annoying as hell, because 9 times out of 10 the voicemail just says "please call me back" which we've already established because you're calling me. It's like saying "Please, go into your voicemail and sit through all this pre-recording to learn what you already know, and if you don't the little (1) will bug you FOREVER!"
posted by dekathelon at 1:26 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by dekathelon at 1:26 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm 36. I first got a cell phone in my early 20s. If someone I don't know calls and leaves no message, I assume it's a wrong # and ignore it. If someone I know calls and leaves no message, I assume they dialed me by mistake and I would never dream of calling them back and embarrassing both of us. If someone I know calls me and leaves no message AND I know they're going through something weird/difficult, I'll text back to see if they're ok.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 1:32 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by DestinationUnknown at 1:32 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Depends on my relationship. Close friends? Sweetie? Call back.
Stranger? Acquaintance? No message, no call.
Unknown caller? I don't even pick up if I'm there!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:38 PM on September 30, 2013
Stranger? Acquaintance? No message, no call.
Unknown caller? I don't even pick up if I'm there!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:38 PM on September 30, 2013
I hate the idea that I need to call back missed calls because I wonder if the person called me by mistake (misdialed, butt-dialed, called the wrong MY NAME in their contacts).
And I don't get the voicemail hate. I leave voicemails all the time, I'm twenty-five-years old, and I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. Team Voicemail!
posted by ablazingsaddle at 1:43 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
And I don't get the voicemail hate. I leave voicemails all the time, I'm twenty-five-years old, and I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. Team Voicemail!
posted by ablazingsaddle at 1:43 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Outside of SO and family, if you call and don't leave a message and also don't bother to followup with a text or email, I ignore the missed call.
posted by quince at 1:45 PM on September 30, 2013
posted by quince at 1:45 PM on September 30, 2013
Unfortunately, this varies from person to person enough times that there's no standard. My mother (in her 60's) will call you back if she gets a missed call and leaves voicemails. Some people immediately call you back on a missed call, some immediately leave voicemail.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm with you--no voicemail, then no callback because clearly it wasn't crucial--but a LOT of people used "missed call" as a notice that you're supposed to know to call them back.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:15 PM on September 30, 2013
As far as I'm concerned, I'm with you--no voicemail, then no callback because clearly it wasn't crucial--but a LOT of people used "missed call" as a notice that you're supposed to know to call them back.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:15 PM on September 30, 2013
48-y.o. here. I would be thrilled if "Phone call as ping" became a universal thing within my friend circles. Srsly. This is one of those newfangled shortcut things I would happily adopt.
Currently in my group, returning a missed call would actually be kind of an oddly aggressive move since it kind of forces the hand of the person who made the call to now explain the call and/or force them to talk to someone they didn't need or want to.
Now if I could just find a way to convince my mother that if I call and she's not there I always leave a message. No, Mom, I did not just call you.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:33 PM on September 30, 2013
Currently in my group, returning a missed call would actually be kind of an oddly aggressive move since it kind of forces the hand of the person who made the call to now explain the call and/or force them to talk to someone they didn't need or want to.
Now if I could just find a way to convince my mother that if I call and she's not there I always leave a message. No, Mom, I did not just call you.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:33 PM on September 30, 2013
I almost always return missed calls. 37, use phone privately and for business.
Hate voicemail and had my provider turn it off.
Never had any complaints.
The really weird thing is, when I do leave them a work related message, they never listen to it. Seriously. "Oh, I haven't listened to it yet, what was it you wanted?"
From this I infer that callbacks without VMs are actually the norm where I live and work.
With friends: Usually if it's anything urgent I follow up with a text; otherwise I just wanted to chat and you can call me back whenever. Or not. It's not a big deal.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:57 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Hate voicemail and had my provider turn it off.
Never had any complaints.
The really weird thing is, when I do leave them a work related message, they never listen to it. Seriously. "Oh, I haven't listened to it yet, what was it you wanted?"
From this I infer that callbacks without VMs are actually the norm where I live and work.
With friends: Usually if it's anything urgent I follow up with a text; otherwise I just wanted to chat and you can call me back whenever. Or not. It's not a big deal.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:57 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
What surprises me is the animosity. "It obviously wasn't important enough for you to leave a VM, so why should I bother returning your call?"
Well yeah, it was just a call to chat, but...don't you want to chat? Are people only interested in "important" calls?
posted by Omnomnom at 3:01 PM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
Well yeah, it was just a call to chat, but...don't you want to chat? Are people only interested in "important" calls?
posted by Omnomnom at 3:01 PM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
When I have had voicemail I only checked it every week or so. But having voicemail seems ro give impression that I will check it every 2 hours. So I got rid of it. Folks older than me sometimes let me know so I can "fix" it. Folks younger than me don't notice.
If you call me and I miss it, I will call you back when I can, always within 24 hours. If it's urgent, call again or text me.
Here's what I would expect...
I called you; you don't pick up. If it's time-sensitive I will find a faster way to communicate with you (text? come to your house?) or I will go on without you. If it's not, it would be nice if you returned my call sometime in the next day.
posted by jander03 at 3:31 PM on September 30, 2013
If you call me and I miss it, I will call you back when I can, always within 24 hours. If it's urgent, call again or text me.
Here's what I would expect...
I called you; you don't pick up. If it's time-sensitive I will find a faster way to communicate with you (text? come to your house?) or I will go on without you. If it's not, it would be nice if you returned my call sometime in the next day.
posted by jander03 at 3:31 PM on September 30, 2013
I'm the same way, OP. I figure, if it's important, you'll call back, leave a voicemail, text me, email me, or something.
I usually respond anyway as a courtesy, but I don't deem it urgent, and I may respond with a call, text, email, carrier pigeon, or what have you.
posted by Zelos at 5:37 PM on September 30, 2013
I usually respond anyway as a courtesy, but I don't deem it urgent, and I may respond with a call, text, email, carrier pigeon, or what have you.
posted by Zelos at 5:37 PM on September 30, 2013
I'm 29. I'll answer texts within a day. Voice mails get placed in mental triage--calling to chat? I'll call you back in a couple of days. Calling to confirm plans? I'll call back that day. If you call and don't leave a voice mail, I'll assume it's not important, unless you call multiple times without leaving a message, in which case it's treated as a "call to chat" voice mail, and I'll still return it in a day or two when I get a chance. If it matters, tell me it matters and I'll get back to you promptly.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:03 PM on September 30, 2013
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:03 PM on September 30, 2013
It's not animosity. You don't care to leave a message? Okay. Either you'll call again or you won't. I'm not going to play guessing games about how important something is, and I'm sure not interested in phone tag when I don't know why I'm trying to get in touch with you.
(I don't like phones as a form of communication period -- voice mail, in-person calls, whatever. It's inefficient and irritating due to this kind of disconnect.)
posted by wintersweet at 6:49 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
(I don't like phones as a form of communication period -- voice mail, in-person calls, whatever. It's inefficient and irritating due to this kind of disconnect.)
posted by wintersweet at 6:49 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Hating listening to voicemail is the reason I let mine fill up, undeleted for months so that eventually, no one gets to leave me a voicemail.
Family and work always get a callback with or without voicemail. Anyone else that I have pressing business with (like a doctor, etc.) also gets a callback regardless. My close friends, who range in age from 25 to 45, never call and only text. I think the last time that I got an actual call from one of them was to tell me they were at my front door when I didn't hear them knock. I don't like talking on the phone unless it's to make plans to meet in person or it's absolutely unavoidable like with long-distance family.
Texts are always responded to ASAP unless I am asleep, feeling socially awkward, or avoiding you.
I have also noticed that I am starting to feel the same way about personal e-mail as I do about listening to voicemails, but that's a whole other can of worms.
posted by pandalicious at 8:48 PM on September 30, 2013
Family and work always get a callback with or without voicemail. Anyone else that I have pressing business with (like a doctor, etc.) also gets a callback regardless. My close friends, who range in age from 25 to 45, never call and only text. I think the last time that I got an actual call from one of them was to tell me they were at my front door when I didn't hear them knock. I don't like talking on the phone unless it's to make plans to meet in person or it's absolutely unavoidable like with long-distance family.
Texts are always responded to ASAP unless I am asleep, feeling socially awkward, or avoiding you.
I have also noticed that I am starting to feel the same way about personal e-mail as I do about listening to voicemails, but that's a whole other can of worms.
posted by pandalicious at 8:48 PM on September 30, 2013
Most people who want to contact me know me well enough not to try calling in the first place. So they leave me a text message/IM/email.
Most of the calls I get are usually some kind of office - which calls me back the next day anyway. These are always landline numbers, so it's easy to tell them apart.
I have one specific friend who has... stuff with low credit so a call from them is an 'I want to speak, call me back'. Long story.
So if I got a missed call from a friend without knowing why? It's unusual enough that I'd follow up - usually not by calling back, however!
posted by Ashlyth at 3:09 AM on October 1, 2013
Most of the calls I get are usually some kind of office - which calls me back the next day anyway. These are always landline numbers, so it's easy to tell them apart.
I have one specific friend who has... stuff with low credit so a call from them is an 'I want to speak, call me back'. Long story.
So if I got a missed call from a friend without knowing why? It's unusual enough that I'd follow up - usually not by calling back, however!
posted by Ashlyth at 3:09 AM on October 1, 2013
I'm 29 and don't return missed calls. If there is no voicemail(or usually the person would text instead) I figure they either accidentally dialed my number or that it wasn't important enough to leave a message.
If we have plans or I know why the person is calling then I'll call back, but if someone calls me out of the blue and doesn't leave a message I don't. I dislike phone chit chat so I might text back instead.
I also almost never pick up numbers that I don't recognize unless I'm expecting a call.
posted by fromageball at 5:50 AM on October 1, 2013
If we have plans or I know why the person is calling then I'll call back, but if someone calls me out of the blue and doesn't leave a message I don't. I dislike phone chit chat so I might text back instead.
I also almost never pick up numbers that I don't recognize unless I'm expecting a call.
posted by fromageball at 5:50 AM on October 1, 2013
I *hate* listening to voicemail. a lot. I usually call people back if they've called. I now use Google Voice for my voicemail, and it transcribes the vm, and I get email with the content. Yippee! Since that doesn't answer your question, why not change your outgoing message to something like "This is Coppermoss, leave a message if you want a call back." I am not young, and many of my friends do not text, or have to pay for texts, so I use texting only with young friends and family.
posted by Mom at 11:39 AM on October 1, 2013
posted by Mom at 11:39 AM on October 1, 2013
I'm 22. If I get a missed call from someone in my phone's contacts list, I'll call them back. If it's from a number I don't recognize and there's no voicemail, then no. The only people I know who leave voicemails are my parents and people from work- my friends rarely call me, we usually text. I would never leave a voicemail for a friend, because I know that none of mine regularly check theirs.
I'm unusual in my friend group in that I prefer calling people over texting. I like having a conversation within two minutes rather than one through text messages that ends up taking over an hour because someone forgets to check their phone or gets caught up in something else that delays their response. I don't keep track of who in my group of friends returns missed calls, and I wouldn't be offended if they failed to return mine.
posted by mollywas at 4:04 PM on October 1, 2013
I'm unusual in my friend group in that I prefer calling people over texting. I like having a conversation within two minutes rather than one through text messages that ends up taking over an hour because someone forgets to check their phone or gets caught up in something else that delays their response. I don't keep track of who in my group of friends returns missed calls, and I wouldn't be offended if they failed to return mine.
posted by mollywas at 4:04 PM on October 1, 2013
I meant to call someone else, and realized my mistake when I heard the greeting (there is a special place in hell for people I don't know who picked up my number from a wrong number dialing attempt and call back to GIVE ME THE THIRD DEGREE. I mean, call if you like, but I'm not telling you all about who I am and who I might have been trying to call...)
Goddamn, I hate those moments. I buttdialed you, please do not immediately call me back, or force me to leave a voice mail explaining that I buttdialed you and PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME BACK AT 11:30 AT NIGHT, THIS WAS AN ACCIDENTAL CALL I MADE WHILE TRYING TO SHUT OFF MY PHONE. Grrrrrr.
Well yeah, it was just a call to chat, but...don't you want to chat? Are people only interested in "important" calls?
Um, yes, actually. I say this as someone who has been playing phone tag with someone who made me think it was an emergency when she left voice mails and texts saying to call back immediately, but really she just wants to chat...and phone tag has been going on for 4 days now. I don't even have anything interesting to say right now, but this is a lot of effort for a damn chat call!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:10 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
Goddamn, I hate those moments. I buttdialed you, please do not immediately call me back, or force me to leave a voice mail explaining that I buttdialed you and PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME BACK AT 11:30 AT NIGHT, THIS WAS AN ACCIDENTAL CALL I MADE WHILE TRYING TO SHUT OFF MY PHONE. Grrrrrr.
Well yeah, it was just a call to chat, but...don't you want to chat? Are people only interested in "important" calls?
Um, yes, actually. I say this as someone who has been playing phone tag with someone who made me think it was an emergency when she left voice mails and texts saying to call back immediately, but really she just wants to chat...and phone tag has been going on for 4 days now. I don't even have anything interesting to say right now, but this is a lot of effort for a damn chat call!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:10 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, hey, a friend of mine (not the phone tag one) suggests a solution to the dilemma: Leave a message if the message will still be relevant 2 hours later.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:25 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:25 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
I won't call you back unless you leave a voicemail (I'm mid 30s). My parents both won't check voicemail at all, and have messages to that effect, and they are obviously older than me, so I guess it depends. Personally, since I don't know if friends have text plans, I generally email unless it is urgent; it is basically never urgent. I hate the phone and don't like voicemail, but vastly prefer it to an interminable game of phone tag.
Annoyingly I discovered my credit card company won't leave a voicemail; I didn't find out they had put a stop on my card for quite a few days as a result (dudes, I buy multiple plane tickets several times a year, and have for six or seven years now. Yay work travel. Can you figure this out already?). So now if I get a voicemail-less missed call I google the number; if it's spam then I save it to a contact with silent ring tone, if it's my credit card company I call them back and bitch about their lack of understanding of call screening, and if I can't figure it out, I figure the person will bother me another way. Exceptions for area codes where family or job opportunities might be.
posted by nat at 7:41 PM on October 1, 2013
Annoyingly I discovered my credit card company won't leave a voicemail; I didn't find out they had put a stop on my card for quite a few days as a result (dudes, I buy multiple plane tickets several times a year, and have for six or seven years now. Yay work travel. Can you figure this out already?). So now if I get a voicemail-less missed call I google the number; if it's spam then I save it to a contact with silent ring tone, if it's my credit card company I call them back and bitch about their lack of understanding of call screening, and if I can't figure it out, I figure the person will bother me another way. Exceptions for area codes where family or job opportunities might be.
posted by nat at 7:41 PM on October 1, 2013
« Older If I could take burritos to Wisconsin, I would | Lost Skydrive Account, Lost OneNote Files Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
Similarly, if someone calls my phone and I don't regcognise the name/number I just let it go to voicemail. If it is someone I know or who needs to talk to me they will leave a message. More often, though, it is just telemarketing of some variety and they never leave a message.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 9:32 AM on September 30, 2013 [15 favorites]