Coaster no-go doesn't have to blow!
September 13, 2013 4:23 PM Subscribe
We bought theme park tickets but decided not to go. How can I assure my partner that it's really okay?
We decided to splurge on discounted amusement park tickets. Originally, we were hesitant on buying the advance tickets. My partner has a fear of heights but loves roller coasters, though his fear has grown in recent years. We've both noticed that vertigo is now taking longer to subside as we are getting older; I love the feeling and he does not care for it.
Added to the vertigo and subsequent nausea, the possibility of death on roller coasters frightens him. These are valid concerns, and if he doesn't feel comfortable, of course we're not going! I feel very confident in supporting his feelings; if he doesn't want to go, then we'll stay home, go swimming at the university, and go hit balls at the driving range! I am 100% down with that Saturday plan :)
The problem is that we don't have much money; we're students living on savings, financial aid, and work/study. This lifestyle works out perfectly for us, as we live simply. I have no problem sinking the money, as my partner's comfort is worth far more than the tickets cost us! He, on the other hand, is not happy about it. He is upset about the money going to waste. I also get the feeling he might think that I will be disappointed.
But I'm not disappointed! Any suggestions on how I can help him feel better? I love him so much, and it pains me to see him struggle internally. I've reeled in my enthusiasm about the theme park, and directed it towards other possibilities for tomorrow. For the online advance tickets, they put our names on the actual tickets, so we cannot sell them. Anything else I can do? I just want to be as supportive as I can, but don't really know how to go about it in this instance. Thanks in advance, MeFi!
We decided to splurge on discounted amusement park tickets. Originally, we were hesitant on buying the advance tickets. My partner has a fear of heights but loves roller coasters, though his fear has grown in recent years. We've both noticed that vertigo is now taking longer to subside as we are getting older; I love the feeling and he does not care for it.
Added to the vertigo and subsequent nausea, the possibility of death on roller coasters frightens him. These are valid concerns, and if he doesn't feel comfortable, of course we're not going! I feel very confident in supporting his feelings; if he doesn't want to go, then we'll stay home, go swimming at the university, and go hit balls at the driving range! I am 100% down with that Saturday plan :)
The problem is that we don't have much money; we're students living on savings, financial aid, and work/study. This lifestyle works out perfectly for us, as we live simply. I have no problem sinking the money, as my partner's comfort is worth far more than the tickets cost us! He, on the other hand, is not happy about it. He is upset about the money going to waste. I also get the feeling he might think that I will be disappointed.
But I'm not disappointed! Any suggestions on how I can help him feel better? I love him so much, and it pains me to see him struggle internally. I've reeled in my enthusiasm about the theme park, and directed it towards other possibilities for tomorrow. For the online advance tickets, they put our names on the actual tickets, so we cannot sell them. Anything else I can do? I just want to be as supportive as I can, but don't really know how to go about it in this instance. Thanks in advance, MeFi!
Can you still go and enjoy the day without going on coasters? You could ride things like paddle boats and the haunted house. Most parks have shows/entertainment. Eat some funnel cakes, walk around and people watch. If money is tight, pack a picnic and eat in a covered pavilion. It could still be really fun!
posted by aviatrix at 4:30 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by aviatrix at 4:30 PM on September 13, 2013 [5 favorites]
A year from now, he won't remember the 'lost' money. He will remember having an awful time at the amusement park.
Or, you can take the approach that you can spend less money by staying home... No transportation costs, expensive crappy amusement park food, etc.
posted by Fig at 4:30 PM on September 13, 2013
Or, you can take the approach that you can spend less money by staying home... No transportation costs, expensive crappy amusement park food, etc.
posted by Fig at 4:30 PM on September 13, 2013
Best answer: The money would also be wasted if he went and didn't enjoy himself -- in which case, he'd also be wasting time, a far more precious commodity. The money's spent either way, so it's best now to do what makes him happiest.
posted by katemonster at 4:33 PM on September 13, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by katemonster at 4:33 PM on September 13, 2013 [4 favorites]
Can you sell them to someone? I don't know about Stubhub but maybe Craigslist or post on Facebook?
posted by radioamy at 4:35 PM on September 13, 2013
posted by radioamy at 4:35 PM on September 13, 2013
Better idea - GIVE them to a set of friends who would really enjoy it. That way you didn't 'waste' money, you gave some of your friends a really awesome present.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:37 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:37 PM on September 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
EC, the tickets are non-transferable.
posted by ocherdraco at 4:38 PM on September 13, 2013
posted by ocherdraco at 4:38 PM on September 13, 2013
Nthing that there are typically a zillion other fun things to do at an amusement park besides ride rollercoasters and whirlybarfs.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:15 PM on September 13, 2013
posted by Jacqueline at 5:15 PM on September 13, 2013
Best answer: "I love you more than $[the amount of the tickets.] I would rather pay ten times more than have you have a crummy day. It's only money."
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:22 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:22 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
OMG, Log Flume! Bumper Cars! Go Karts! The Midway! Dippin Dots! Whatever version of the thing they have where you laser shoot things in a contest against each other as you go through different rooms! Paddle Boats! Then a rematch on the laser shooting thing because that first time was BULLSHIT, this time I get to sit on the right because you had the easy side! Carousel! Giant Turkey Legs! Cotton Candy! My laser shooter totally wasn't working last time we need to do that one again!
posted by magnetsphere at 5:25 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by magnetsphere at 5:25 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Any suggestions on how I can help him feel better? I love him so much, and it pains me to see him struggle internally.
Let him talk about his internal struggle, without asking him not to struggle. He has real, legitimate feelings that are in conflict with each other, pulling him in opposite directions. Help him think through that. Don't ask him not to feel bad for *your* comfort.
posted by jon1270 at 5:44 PM on September 13, 2013
Let him talk about his internal struggle, without asking him not to struggle. He has real, legitimate feelings that are in conflict with each other, pulling him in opposite directions. Help him think through that. Don't ask him not to feel bad for *your* comfort.
posted by jon1270 at 5:44 PM on September 13, 2013
And, on another note:
He, on the other hand, is not happy about it. He is upset about the money going to waste.
I had a lot of issues with Econ 101, but one thing that I really took away from it and continue to make use of many years later is the concept of the sunk cost fallacy. That money you spent on the tickets? It's gone, you don't have it, there's no way you can possibly recover it, so it's not worth stressing out over it or basing future actions on it. I know it sounds obvious but for some reason, thinking like this really helps me if I make a wasteful financial decision (ie, I bought these boots and can't return them and they're uncomfortable- so sell them at a loss, rather than forcing yourself to wear them!) If your BF isn't super familiar with this concept, maybe it would be a comfort to him?
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:48 PM on September 13, 2013 [9 favorites]
He, on the other hand, is not happy about it. He is upset about the money going to waste.
I had a lot of issues with Econ 101, but one thing that I really took away from it and continue to make use of many years later is the concept of the sunk cost fallacy. That money you spent on the tickets? It's gone, you don't have it, there's no way you can possibly recover it, so it's not worth stressing out over it or basing future actions on it. I know it sounds obvious but for some reason, thinking like this really helps me if I make a wasteful financial decision (ie, I bought these boots and can't return them and they're uncomfortable- so sell them at a loss, rather than forcing yourself to wear them!) If your BF isn't super familiar with this concept, maybe it would be a comfort to him?
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:48 PM on September 13, 2013 [9 favorites]
The tickets may have your names on them...but you might want to find out if they ask for ID.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 6:23 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 6:23 PM on September 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, sunk cost is kind of economics...and secretly also kind of Buddhism. The past is the past. You can't change it. The circumstances you have to deal with are the ones present now.
posted by threeants at 9:32 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by threeants at 9:32 PM on September 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I get conflicted about rollercoasters too. I love them after the fact, but it's hard to get on them. What I do is go any way, go on some of the coasters and skip the ones that freak me out, or skip all of them if I'm not feeling it that day. It's no big deal. He can decide when you're standing in front of the ride if he wants to join you or hold your purse. Between the rollercoasters there's all that other fun stuff. This level of angst and drama and rending of garments over something that's supposed to be fun is a little extreme. He can decide not to go on any and you can still have a good time together.
posted by bleep at 9:41 PM on September 13, 2013
posted by bleep at 9:41 PM on September 13, 2013
Best answer: This makes me wonder if something else is going on.
It seems like a no-brainer decision to go to the park and then partake of whatever rides seem like a good idea at the time. It's not like you have to ride the roller coasters just because you enter the park.
So I'm wondering if he is having some kind of anxiety beyond just the thing about the roller coasters. Maybe he doesn't even consciously know what's bothering him, but I'd bet there IS something else.
I would encourage him to work through his feelings. For every feeling he has, he should ask himself why he feels that way, or where the feeling comes from.
posted by gjc at 4:29 AM on September 14, 2013
It seems like a no-brainer decision to go to the park and then partake of whatever rides seem like a good idea at the time. It's not like you have to ride the roller coasters just because you enter the park.
So I'm wondering if he is having some kind of anxiety beyond just the thing about the roller coasters. Maybe he doesn't even consciously know what's bothering him, but I'd bet there IS something else.
I would encourage him to work through his feelings. For every feeling he has, he should ask himself why he feels that way, or where the feeling comes from.
posted by gjc at 4:29 AM on September 14, 2013
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posted by showbiz_liz at 4:29 PM on September 13, 2013 [19 favorites]