Litte Miss Hospitality: Help Me Host Better Get-Togethers
September 11, 2013 1:32 AM Subscribe
You know those people who have a knack for entertaining?
Not so much people who plan elaborate events and always make sure there's guest towels in the bathroom and enough ice when they host parties (although that's great)
I’m talking about the folks who you have a great night hanging out with even if you've just turned up semi-unexpectedly and wind up staying for take-away pizza?
How do they do that? What are the best ways to create a sense of occasion and make guests feel welcome?
My parents are both kind of introverted and find entertaining stressful and/or boring, so hosting people at home is never something I've really got the hang of. Usually I over-plan and spend half the night in the kitchen, or I adopt a "mia casa - su casa" approach and assume my guests will be totally cool sorting themselves out while I get distracted in a really interesting conversation.
But I love cooking for people and bringing my diverse group of friends (and potential new friends) together.
How do I create a welcoming environment for my guests?
And bonus point for tips on how to do this when you share a house with three other (lovely, sociable people) and don’t have a dining table!
My parents are both kind of introverted and find entertaining stressful and/or boring, so hosting people at home is never something I've really got the hang of. Usually I over-plan and spend half the night in the kitchen, or I adopt a "mia casa - su casa" approach and assume my guests will be totally cool sorting themselves out while I get distracted in a really interesting conversation.
But I love cooking for people and bringing my diverse group of friends (and potential new friends) together.
How do I create a welcoming environment for my guests?
And bonus point for tips on how to do this when you share a house with three other (lovely, sociable people) and don’t have a dining table!
Turn televisions off. Restrict muasic to quiet bqckground. Arrange seating to facilitate conversation.
posted by BenPens at 2:11 AM on September 11, 2013
posted by BenPens at 2:11 AM on September 11, 2013
What everyone else says, and also
- it's good to have somewhere I can put my coat and bag that it won't get lost in the general clutter
- offer me a drink when I show up, tea or coffee is fine
- ask me to help out in the kitchen with the snack fetching or tea making, if you need it; it's a sign that you consider me a good friend if you're happy to let me make brews in your house.
- keep your bathroom cleaner than you might otherwise. My own not-always-clean bathroom looks fine to me but someone else's looks rank.
- it is fine to throw out guests when you have stuff to do or want to go to bed. That's less awkward than having your guests wondering (in the sober light of next day) whether all that yawning and changing into your PJs at 3am was a hint that they should leave.
When you get your own place, it will be so much more hospitable if your floors and furniture are relatively spill/footprint proof. I have lived in a place with cream coloured carpets and sofa; now I live somewhere with wood floors and (fake) leather sofa; guess which one everyone is more comfortable in when friends come over! It's lovely that everyone's dogs and kids can come piling in and the worst case is that someone has to mop the floor later. It's much less "fabulous interior design with tasteful scatter cushions" and much more human.
posted by emilyw at 2:47 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
- it's good to have somewhere I can put my coat and bag that it won't get lost in the general clutter
- offer me a drink when I show up, tea or coffee is fine
- ask me to help out in the kitchen with the snack fetching or tea making, if you need it; it's a sign that you consider me a good friend if you're happy to let me make brews in your house.
- keep your bathroom cleaner than you might otherwise. My own not-always-clean bathroom looks fine to me but someone else's looks rank.
- it is fine to throw out guests when you have stuff to do or want to go to bed. That's less awkward than having your guests wondering (in the sober light of next day) whether all that yawning and changing into your PJs at 3am was a hint that they should leave.
When you get your own place, it will be so much more hospitable if your floors and furniture are relatively spill/footprint proof. I have lived in a place with cream coloured carpets and sofa; now I live somewhere with wood floors and (fake) leather sofa; guess which one everyone is more comfortable in when friends come over! It's lovely that everyone's dogs and kids can come piling in and the worst case is that someone has to mop the floor later. It's much less "fabulous interior design with tasteful scatter cushions" and much more human.
posted by emilyw at 2:47 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
Learn what your friends like to drink, both booze and nonbooze. Keep as much of a stock of it on-hand as is feasible.
If your friends have small children, learn what they like to snack on, and keep as much of a stock of it on-hand as is feasible.
Many people feel obligated to bring a gift if they come over for a meal, even if it is small. When they ask "what can I bring", it is a kindness to have a set of stock answers.
Something I learned the hard way on Labor Day: keep the temperature as close to 70 as you can. Turn on the A/C or heat up early if you often just tolerate too cold/too hot temperatures.
posted by contrarian at 5:54 AM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
If your friends have small children, learn what they like to snack on, and keep as much of a stock of it on-hand as is feasible.
Many people feel obligated to bring a gift if they come over for a meal, even if it is small. When they ask "what can I bring", it is a kindness to have a set of stock answers.
Something I learned the hard way on Labor Day: keep the temperature as close to 70 as you can. Turn on the A/C or heat up early if you often just tolerate too cold/too hot temperatures.
posted by contrarian at 5:54 AM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Temperature of the room can affect how comfortable and welcoming it is in a hurry. I have a good friend who keeps his house extremely chilly, especially in winter. That is how he likes it, it isn't a cost savings thing or anything. It is extremely uncomfortable for guests though. Everyone ends up bringing slippers when they go to visit him, along with extra sweaters and sometimes people end up keeping their jacket on all evening. It is a running "joke", but it actually is also just incredibly annoying. We usually try to make excuses for why it is easier to have HIM come to OUR house because his house is so effing cold. Having a house be too warm can be equally unwelcoming, but in the summer that can be harder to control if you don't have an AC.
Basically, keep things at a normal-to-most-people temperature.
Also, having some guest slippers kicking around is always nice. My feet are always cold, and it is so nice when friends offer me a pair of slippers to wear when I'm visiting. My fiance loves it too, not because his feet are cold, but because he seriously hates walking around in sock feet.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 5:55 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Basically, keep things at a normal-to-most-people temperature.
Also, having some guest slippers kicking around is always nice. My feet are always cold, and it is so nice when friends offer me a pair of slippers to wear when I'm visiting. My fiance loves it too, not because his feet are cold, but because he seriously hates walking around in sock feet.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 5:55 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Introduce new people to the regulars and suggest games (cards, board, drinking) to get the entire group mixing together.
Have lots of games (cards, board, drinking) around.
Live where there is parking and/or public transportation. *you must pick at least one*
posted by skrozidile at 6:26 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Have lots of games (cards, board, drinking) around.
Live where there is parking and/or public transportation. *you must pick at least one*
posted by skrozidile at 6:26 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Do you just hang out, talk, watch tv? Maybe add some games that would appeal to the group. Be the organizer in terms of getting food served, or an activity started, but don't be a waitress. Let people help in the kitchen - that's where the best conversations happen.
There are several kinds of party. You can have a dinner party with no table, but you have to serve food that isn't too messy. It's fun to have a craft party or a stitch-n-bitch, where people bring their own projects, or you provide craft supplies, like glass marble magnets. Sunday brunch is low-key. Getting together to watch football is even more low-key.
posted by theora55 at 6:39 AM on September 11, 2013
There are several kinds of party. You can have a dinner party with no table, but you have to serve food that isn't too messy. It's fun to have a craft party or a stitch-n-bitch, where people bring their own projects, or you provide craft supplies, like glass marble magnets. Sunday brunch is low-key. Getting together to watch football is even more low-key.
posted by theora55 at 6:39 AM on September 11, 2013
All the above tips are great, but I'll add two:
1) If it's not a specific TV-focused gathering ("we're all getting together for a Game of Thrones marathon!") keep the damn TV off. I'm serious. And if someone gets up just to show you this one funny youtube? Shut that shit down. Once the videos start, you lose at least 50% of your guests. And if you're t he one who starts the funny youtube train? Stop it right now.
2) For me, having a few close friends who know their way around my place makes things easier. They know what kind of drinks I stock (so when I say, "can I get anyone anything to drink?" THEY say "oh yes, can I have a glass of wine / a beer / some sparkling water?" new people know that they can also ask for that), they know where snacks and stuff are (so when the chip bowl runs low, everyone's not staring around awkwardly and when someone new needs a drink my Trusted Friend can offer).
posted by AmandaA at 6:50 AM on September 11, 2013 [8 favorites]
1) If it's not a specific TV-focused gathering ("we're all getting together for a Game of Thrones marathon!") keep the damn TV off. I'm serious. And if someone gets up just to show you this one funny youtube? Shut that shit down. Once the videos start, you lose at least 50% of your guests. And if you're t he one who starts the funny youtube train? Stop it right now.
2) For me, having a few close friends who know their way around my place makes things easier. They know what kind of drinks I stock (so when I say, "can I get anyone anything to drink?" THEY say "oh yes, can I have a glass of wine / a beer / some sparkling water?" new people know that they can also ask for that), they know where snacks and stuff are (so when the chip bowl runs low, everyone's not staring around awkwardly and when someone new needs a drink my Trusted Friend can offer).
posted by AmandaA at 6:50 AM on September 11, 2013 [8 favorites]
Best answer: You say your hosting varies between the two extremes - thorough event planning, or total hands-off - so it sounds worthwhile to find the middle ground.
Some things I try to do:
- keep the house's average state in a useable tidiness level, low-pressure as far as clean/sterile surfaces, but not much clutter, and no icky-unidentified-spots
- have more seating than just my husband's chair and mine, in every single room; as soon as I know someone's coming over, that's when I take the stack of mail off the spare kitchen stool, get my coat off the armchair that faces the sofa, etc.
- give someone their first drink, and in the process explain where things are for them to get a second one for themselves, as well as listing off other options so they can come back later and say "hey, you mentioned tea earlier, can we make a pot?" Whenever you're getting something for yourself, offer to everyone else, but there's no need to hover around like a waitress refilling drinks or like grandma offering everyone seconds of food.
- don't fuss over things (which can be off-putting, like you're more into your stuff than your guests) and you don't have to fuss over your guests (which can seem you're more into somebody other than the person you're talking to) but you do have to check in occasionally. Keep an eye out for somebody looking lonely, or cold, or thirsty, etc, but actually asking "is everybody okay? how's the music, how's the temperature?" gets a bit fussy (esp more than once)
- be willing to invite people over for normal food, when it's not really a party. I like planned-leftover cooking, but sometimes I will just call up some friends in the afternoon and say "hey, I've got X in the crockpot, wanna come over?" and instead of having lunches for 3 days, I have a party.
- think of something fun/special/unusual that I've got in the pantry/bar, and share it. Pull out the weird crackers I picked up in the international aisle, or the infused-plum-vodka liqueur I finished a while back. It's one thing to "show off" with, and everything else is just whatever's in the house.
posted by aimedwander at 6:56 AM on September 11, 2013 [6 favorites]
Some things I try to do:
- keep the house's average state in a useable tidiness level, low-pressure as far as clean/sterile surfaces, but not much clutter, and no icky-unidentified-spots
- have more seating than just my husband's chair and mine, in every single room; as soon as I know someone's coming over, that's when I take the stack of mail off the spare kitchen stool, get my coat off the armchair that faces the sofa, etc.
- give someone their first drink, and in the process explain where things are for them to get a second one for themselves, as well as listing off other options so they can come back later and say "hey, you mentioned tea earlier, can we make a pot?" Whenever you're getting something for yourself, offer to everyone else, but there's no need to hover around like a waitress refilling drinks or like grandma offering everyone seconds of food.
- don't fuss over things (which can be off-putting, like you're more into your stuff than your guests) and you don't have to fuss over your guests (which can seem you're more into somebody other than the person you're talking to) but you do have to check in occasionally. Keep an eye out for somebody looking lonely, or cold, or thirsty, etc, but actually asking "is everybody okay? how's the music, how's the temperature?" gets a bit fussy (esp more than once)
- be willing to invite people over for normal food, when it's not really a party. I like planned-leftover cooking, but sometimes I will just call up some friends in the afternoon and say "hey, I've got X in the crockpot, wanna come over?" and instead of having lunches for 3 days, I have a party.
- think of something fun/special/unusual that I've got in the pantry/bar, and share it. Pull out the weird crackers I picked up in the international aisle, or the infused-plum-vodka liqueur I finished a while back. It's one thing to "show off" with, and everything else is just whatever's in the house.
posted by aimedwander at 6:56 AM on September 11, 2013 [6 favorites]
I'll focus on the bathroom, since everyone's doing such a good job with the other areas:
Make sure you have a clean towel out to dry hands on, plenty of soap in an identifiable form. But fancy guest soaps and towels are off-putting if they don't look used a little - you don't want guests afraid to use your things because they seem too nice.
Make sure you have emergency items where people can find them relatively easily -- a plunger, extra toilet paper, an extra towel, air freshener,maybe pain relievers and tampons, etc. And make sure the trash can is easy to find. If you have plumbing that does something weird (toilet handle needs to be held down longer, or for overnight guests, that the shower is tricky to turn on, or there's scalding hot water in shower when someone else flushes), a little note can be nice, or just make sure to tell your guests.
And people will look through your medicine cabinets. So make sure there's nothing in there that reveals more about you than you want your guests to know.
posted by Mchelly at 7:12 AM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Make sure you have a clean towel out to dry hands on, plenty of soap in an identifiable form. But fancy guest soaps and towels are off-putting if they don't look used a little - you don't want guests afraid to use your things because they seem too nice.
Make sure you have emergency items where people can find them relatively easily -- a plunger, extra toilet paper, an extra towel, air freshener,maybe pain relievers and tampons, etc. And make sure the trash can is easy to find. If you have plumbing that does something weird (toilet handle needs to be held down longer, or for overnight guests, that the shower is tricky to turn on, or there's scalding hot water in shower when someone else flushes), a little note can be nice, or just make sure to tell your guests.
And people will look through your medicine cabinets. So make sure there's nothing in there that reveals more about you than you want your guests to know.
posted by Mchelly at 7:12 AM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Tacky, but useful, folding TV trays. This way you can serve food you need flatware for. I hate balancing a plate on my knees, a drink on the arm of a chair and trying to cut with plastic.
I find that people are comfortable if things are easy. So have the drinks set out on the counter, or reachable in the fridge. Have ice easily accessible in the freezer (not behind a frozen chicken and a bag of peas).
Have lots of comfortable places for people to sit. We have friends who didn't have a sofa. It was hilarious and uncomfortable because you'd go from floor, to standing, to wooden bench to back in the car on the way home!
If you are a terrible cook, no one will tell you. Signs are: lots of leftovers, entire items untouched, people claiming allergies or new diets. Also, if you're that 'gotcha' vegan, fie on you. You know the one: "So what did you think of the spaghetti sauce? Huh? Wasn't it good and meaty? I see you pushing it around on your plate and smiling, you must love it. Go good right? It's SOY PROTIEN! Hah! You didn't even know!" Listen you smug bastard, I knew, that's why I'm not eating it, or eating it slowly, but I was brought up to be polite so I'm not telling you that it tastes like ass.
Be comfortable to be around. Notice if your guests are isolating or pinned by that guy who only talks about Game of Thrones.
I do like a TV evening. We do Eurovision Song Contest screenings, or stream a movie, or do marathons of horrible shows. But we let folks know upfront that's the agenda, so if they hate it they don't feel trapped.
Nice cats. If your cats are friendly and like to be petted, then folks are more likely to feel comfortable.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:13 AM on September 11, 2013
I find that people are comfortable if things are easy. So have the drinks set out on the counter, or reachable in the fridge. Have ice easily accessible in the freezer (not behind a frozen chicken and a bag of peas).
Have lots of comfortable places for people to sit. We have friends who didn't have a sofa. It was hilarious and uncomfortable because you'd go from floor, to standing, to wooden bench to back in the car on the way home!
If you are a terrible cook, no one will tell you. Signs are: lots of leftovers, entire items untouched, people claiming allergies or new diets. Also, if you're that 'gotcha' vegan, fie on you. You know the one: "So what did you think of the spaghetti sauce? Huh? Wasn't it good and meaty? I see you pushing it around on your plate and smiling, you must love it. Go good right? It's SOY PROTIEN! Hah! You didn't even know!" Listen you smug bastard, I knew, that's why I'm not eating it, or eating it slowly, but I was brought up to be polite so I'm not telling you that it tastes like ass.
Be comfortable to be around. Notice if your guests are isolating or pinned by that guy who only talks about Game of Thrones.
I do like a TV evening. We do Eurovision Song Contest screenings, or stream a movie, or do marathons of horrible shows. But we let folks know upfront that's the agenda, so if they hate it they don't feel trapped.
Nice cats. If your cats are friendly and like to be petted, then folks are more likely to feel comfortable.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:13 AM on September 11, 2013
1. No overhead lighting.
2. I usually have tea and coffee and fizzy soda on hand, usually unique flavors for the soda. Lemon and lime for water. I usually keep a bottle of white and red at least. Keep straws, fun things like raw sugar cubes in jars, and use them.
3. Pretty dishware makes things feel festive. I use simple white china and hobnail glass in soft colors, but it's different than what other people have. For coffee, I have a set of large, delicate teacups, and they're perfect for sorbet and ice cream.
4. Guests who see you sitting comfy and cross-legged on the couch will get comfy, too.
5. Mood is important. Being in my own home makes me feel happy and serene, and guests usually pick up on that.
6. Live fabulously every day, and entertaining will feel natural.
posted by mochapickle at 7:25 AM on September 11, 2013 [5 favorites]
2. I usually have tea and coffee and fizzy soda on hand, usually unique flavors for the soda. Lemon and lime for water. I usually keep a bottle of white and red at least. Keep straws, fun things like raw sugar cubes in jars, and use them.
3. Pretty dishware makes things feel festive. I use simple white china and hobnail glass in soft colors, but it's different than what other people have. For coffee, I have a set of large, delicate teacups, and they're perfect for sorbet and ice cream.
4. Guests who see you sitting comfy and cross-legged on the couch will get comfy, too.
5. Mood is important. Being in my own home makes me feel happy and serene, and guests usually pick up on that.
6. Live fabulously every day, and entertaining will feel natural.
posted by mochapickle at 7:25 AM on September 11, 2013 [5 favorites]
I host people all the time and think that music is the most important conversation enabler after alcohol. People will chat more and feel more comfortable if something, anything is playing in the background.
posted by Aizkolari at 7:51 AM on September 11, 2013
posted by Aizkolari at 7:51 AM on September 11, 2013
Make a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough. Make it into balls (~1.5 inch) and freeze them in a big freezer ziploc. When guests come over, you are minutes away from fresh baked cookies, which everyone loves and makes the house smell super cozy.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:05 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:05 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
You can do the make and freeze thing with gougères, which look ever so fancy.
They also make really great mini-buns for sandwiches (little BLTs, meatball sliders, pieces of sausage, pulled pork, ham - I have done all of these and they were so good), which means you can slip a pan into the oven as you tell the friend who called to ask what they could bring to pick up some deli meat or frozen meatballs.
But the two most important things are seating and tidiness. My house is never quite company-ready, which means by the time guests arrive I'm just out of the shower and worn out. Everyone I know who's been one of those effortless hosts never has to do more than maybe put a couple of dishes in the dishwasher. These people also have stuff like decor and throw pillows and a basic stocked bar.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:43 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
They also make really great mini-buns for sandwiches (little BLTs, meatball sliders, pieces of sausage, pulled pork, ham - I have done all of these and they were so good), which means you can slip a pan into the oven as you tell the friend who called to ask what they could bring to pick up some deli meat or frozen meatballs.
But the two most important things are seating and tidiness. My house is never quite company-ready, which means by the time guests arrive I'm just out of the shower and worn out. Everyone I know who's been one of those effortless hosts never has to do more than maybe put a couple of dishes in the dishwasher. These people also have stuff like decor and throw pillows and a basic stocked bar.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:43 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Don't fuss when people come into the house. If something not exactly as clean as you'd like or dishes aren't put away, don't stress. Keep the house - at least the main room and kitchen - at a basic level of tidiness so that you don't panic when the doorbell rings. When you hop up and start fluffing pillows and wiping tables, it makes people feel like they are inconveniencing you. It's hard for guests to feel welcome when they've obviously arrived at a bad time.
Always have a good time at your own party. Enjoy your guests. Enjoy introducing your guests to new people.
posted by 26.2 at 8:58 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
Always have a good time at your own party. Enjoy your guests. Enjoy introducing your guests to new people.
posted by 26.2 at 8:58 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I have people over a lot.
1. Be physically and psychically ready to be welcoming, not rushed and frantic -- stop whatever you are doing 1/2 an hour before start time and shower, change to different clothes, have half a glass of wine, relax.
2. Don't be formal -- you can still be preparing when people are arriving.
3. Keep your place in a perpetual state of clean and tidy and accommodating to guests so that you can feel spontaneous and inviting.
4. Lighting should be lower than normal.
5. Background music, lower than when you are alone, listening to music.
6. Stocked cupboard: crackers, cheese, chips, salsa, loaf of bread, marinated things (red peppers, mushrooms, olives), water, seltzer, beer, big cheap wine.
7. Be somewhat well-read or versed in the events of the day or your social set, so you can easily facilitate conversation with people who may not know each other well.
8. Clean as you go, pick your spots, grab a helper, make it fun.
9. Really enjoy yourself, as much as worrying about your guests and how they are doing. You set the tone -- I think that's the key.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:05 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
1. Be physically and psychically ready to be welcoming, not rushed and frantic -- stop whatever you are doing 1/2 an hour before start time and shower, change to different clothes, have half a glass of wine, relax.
2. Don't be formal -- you can still be preparing when people are arriving.
3. Keep your place in a perpetual state of clean and tidy and accommodating to guests so that you can feel spontaneous and inviting.
4. Lighting should be lower than normal.
5. Background music, lower than when you are alone, listening to music.
6. Stocked cupboard: crackers, cheese, chips, salsa, loaf of bread, marinated things (red peppers, mushrooms, olives), water, seltzer, beer, big cheap wine.
7. Be somewhat well-read or versed in the events of the day or your social set, so you can easily facilitate conversation with people who may not know each other well.
8. Clean as you go, pick your spots, grab a helper, make it fun.
9. Really enjoy yourself, as much as worrying about your guests and how they are doing. You set the tone -- I think that's the key.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:05 AM on September 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
seating is really the most important thing, I think. It's hard to pull off an informal get together if you don't have comfortable, informal seating. I have a set of nesting ottomans that work well to arrange on the other side of the coffee table across from the couch (because they nest they don't take up much room at other times.) For me, having the seating be adjacent to a table is key. Way more comfortable than sitting up in a randomly moved chair with nothing on either side to put drinks down on, etc.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:20 AM on September 11, 2013
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:20 AM on September 11, 2013
I think the most important thing is: pay attention to your guests.
I adopt a "mia casa - su casa" approach and assume my guests will be totally cool sorting themselves out while I get distracted in a really interesting conversation.
Sorry, you can't do this. If you're the guest, yes. If you're the host, no. This is not to say you can't have a really interesting conversation with one guest, you just can't be distracted by it. Keep one eye on the room, or just make sure to come up for air every once in a while to take stock. If it's a couple of close friends who come over all the time, know where things are, and explicitly know that you want them to help themselves, that's different. But anything short of that, you have to offer.
Try to anticipate people's needs. Offer food and drinks. Notice if glasses are empty or if there's no food left on the tray. Notice if one person is standing off to the side looking awkward. Introduce him to someone or go chat with him.
A well-stocked pantry and freezer (and liquor cabinet) are also key. I like to bake, but I never want to eat a whole batch of brownies or cookies by myself. So I freeze a bunch. The upside is, it's really easy to defrost a few if I have someone over. If you always have something tasty on hand, it's easy to offer it to guests.
But really, the most important thing is to know when your guests want you to offer something. Err on the side of offering and letting them say no, rather than spacing out and leaving them hungry/thirsty/uncomfortable.
One thing that will make life easier: set up a bar or buffet on your kitchen counter or on a side table. As in, I leave the resupply snacks out in an obvious place where someone can easily refill the snack tray/bowl if it runs out. And sometimes I put the cocktail ingredients, implements, and a couple of cocktail recipes on a counter and I show it to people when they come in, so they know they're welcome to get themselves a refill. Also, old fashioned alcoholic punch recipes are awesome for self-serve drinks that seem special and interesting.
posted by pompelmo at 10:36 AM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
I adopt a "mia casa - su casa" approach and assume my guests will be totally cool sorting themselves out while I get distracted in a really interesting conversation.
Sorry, you can't do this. If you're the guest, yes. If you're the host, no. This is not to say you can't have a really interesting conversation with one guest, you just can't be distracted by it. Keep one eye on the room, or just make sure to come up for air every once in a while to take stock. If it's a couple of close friends who come over all the time, know where things are, and explicitly know that you want them to help themselves, that's different. But anything short of that, you have to offer.
Try to anticipate people's needs. Offer food and drinks. Notice if glasses are empty or if there's no food left on the tray. Notice if one person is standing off to the side looking awkward. Introduce him to someone or go chat with him.
A well-stocked pantry and freezer (and liquor cabinet) are also key. I like to bake, but I never want to eat a whole batch of brownies or cookies by myself. So I freeze a bunch. The upside is, it's really easy to defrost a few if I have someone over. If you always have something tasty on hand, it's easy to offer it to guests.
But really, the most important thing is to know when your guests want you to offer something. Err on the side of offering and letting them say no, rather than spacing out and leaving them hungry/thirsty/uncomfortable.
One thing that will make life easier: set up a bar or buffet on your kitchen counter or on a side table. As in, I leave the resupply snacks out in an obvious place where someone can easily refill the snack tray/bowl if it runs out. And sometimes I put the cocktail ingredients, implements, and a couple of cocktail recipes on a counter and I show it to people when they come in, so they know they're welcome to get themselves a refill. Also, old fashioned alcoholic punch recipes are awesome for self-serve drinks that seem special and interesting.
posted by pompelmo at 10:36 AM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Lots of good tips here. I'll add a couple of things.
- nthing turning off the damn tv. Background music is great, even if it's just the radio (or Pandora, or whatever).
- Use real dishes. Just serving chips & dip? Take the time to serve them in real dishes vs. putting the chip bag and the dip package out on the table.
- Same goes for glasses. They don't have to match. Plastic solo cups are for frat parties.
- Don't make it all about you. Ask questions that lead to discussions or conversation, but don't monopolize the conversation.
- When unexpected guests arrive, don't rush into the kitchen to make something. Sit down together for a minute and take a genuine interest in them. Then say something like "I'm getting myself a beverage, would you like one?" and let it go from there.
- Yes to having easy to make, quick to serve snacks always on hand. (I find that popcorn and a re-usable microwave popper does a great job, maybe with a little Bay's seasoning on it instead of salt. And, yes, served in a real dish.) Frozen things are also great; just pop them in the oven.
- If you can, set up your kitchen so that you can talk with people easily while you're in there for three minutes.
- If it's cold weather, put the kettle on, and keep a container with a variety of tea, instant cocoa mix, etc.
posted by anastasiav at 11:33 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
- nthing turning off the damn tv. Background music is great, even if it's just the radio (or Pandora, or whatever).
- Use real dishes. Just serving chips & dip? Take the time to serve them in real dishes vs. putting the chip bag and the dip package out on the table.
- Same goes for glasses. They don't have to match. Plastic solo cups are for frat parties.
- Don't make it all about you. Ask questions that lead to discussions or conversation, but don't monopolize the conversation.
- When unexpected guests arrive, don't rush into the kitchen to make something. Sit down together for a minute and take a genuine interest in them. Then say something like "I'm getting myself a beverage, would you like one?" and let it go from there.
- Yes to having easy to make, quick to serve snacks always on hand. (I find that popcorn and a re-usable microwave popper does a great job, maybe with a little Bay's seasoning on it instead of salt. And, yes, served in a real dish.) Frozen things are also great; just pop them in the oven.
- If you can, set up your kitchen so that you can talk with people easily while you're in there for three minutes.
- If it's cold weather, put the kettle on, and keep a container with a variety of tea, instant cocoa mix, etc.
posted by anastasiav at 11:33 AM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Oddly enough, to make guests feel welcome, reciprocity is hugely helpful. Do they invite you over? Go! Be a mellow guest, bring something to share. Are you ever "just in the neighborhood"? We are very much of the casual, just head on over type of close friendship, so when our friends lived on the same block, we had each others' keys even. I think modeling the same kind of guest-host relationship you hope to see is a great way to show your friends that they are welcome to come and relax at your house.
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:41 PM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by spamandkimchi at 12:41 PM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm really bad at keeping snacks on hand, because I tend to eat it all myself before anyone comes over. But I try to make up for that by keeping a well-stocked bar, including the drinks that my friends like and I don't. My best tip: when guests arrive and you offer drinks, don't stop at "Can I get you something to drink?" Immediately follow that, without giving them time to respond, with "I have X and Y beer, X, Y, and Z wine, vodka, tequila, Coke, OJ, etc." I do this even with friends who come over frequently - saves them the awkwardness of potentially asking for something I had last time, but am out of this time.
posted by storminator7 at 1:18 PM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by storminator7 at 1:18 PM on September 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Nice cats.
Or even better, no cats. I'm willing to take a Claritin to spend time with people I really want to see, but for folks I'm not as close to, I'll pretty easily pass on having to choose between medicine and an allergic reaction.
posted by threeants at 1:50 PM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Or even better, no cats. I'm willing to take a Claritin to spend time with people I really want to see, but for folks I'm not as close to, I'll pretty easily pass on having to choose between medicine and an allergic reaction.
posted by threeants at 1:50 PM on September 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
I would rather pass on a casual friend then give up my companion animals.
Certainly people have allergies and a good host tries to accommodate pet or food preferences. But guests who demand that you cannot own pets at all are outside of the norm.
posted by 26.2 at 2:27 PM on September 11, 2013
Certainly people have allergies and a good host tries to accommodate pet or food preferences. But guests who demand that you cannot own pets at all are outside of the norm.
posted by 26.2 at 2:27 PM on September 11, 2013
My friend is a great host and has really never cooked anything herself.
What is so nice about going to her house is that she is never stressed out or busy cooking or cleaning and that sets the tone.
She cleans before people come and orders in and sets up (if you cook, you could just make sure to do everything well beforehand) and by the time people get there she is just chilling and doesn't need to do anything.
If you are running around getting cups or preparing food or even just worrying about the oven, people will pick up on that. It's great to be a guest and not feel like you are imposing at all, and when the house and food are already set up, that is how it feels.
If it is not a dinner party specifically, then just serve me cold things or hummus from a tub or whatever left out on a table. And come hang out. The less you fuss, the more people are comfortable. No one will care if you gave them un-gourmet food as long as the food is ready and available and easy to get at.
When you serve something like cupcakes or large cookies, make it easier for people to share by pre-cutting them in half or quarters. People feel less guilty about taking part of the chocolate chip cookie than taking the whole one.
posted by rmless at 4:01 PM on September 11, 2013 [4 favorites]
What is so nice about going to her house is that she is never stressed out or busy cooking or cleaning and that sets the tone.
She cleans before people come and orders in and sets up (if you cook, you could just make sure to do everything well beforehand) and by the time people get there she is just chilling and doesn't need to do anything.
If you are running around getting cups or preparing food or even just worrying about the oven, people will pick up on that. It's great to be a guest and not feel like you are imposing at all, and when the house and food are already set up, that is how it feels.
If it is not a dinner party specifically, then just serve me cold things or hummus from a tub or whatever left out on a table. And come hang out. The less you fuss, the more people are comfortable. No one will care if you gave them un-gourmet food as long as the food is ready and available and easy to get at.
When you serve something like cupcakes or large cookies, make it easier for people to share by pre-cutting them in half or quarters. People feel less guilty about taking part of the chocolate chip cookie than taking the whole one.
posted by rmless at 4:01 PM on September 11, 2013 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: I wish I could invite you all over for drinks and snacks to thank you for your excellent and well-considered advice. Cheers guys!
posted by rockpaperdynamite at 6:13 AM on September 14, 2013
posted by rockpaperdynamite at 6:13 AM on September 14, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
- keep the house neat - it doesn't have to be spotless, but no-one should ever worry that they are going to touch something sticky, or smell anything icky
- comfortable seating that allows people to face each other. If you have one couch that faces the tv, it's going to be hard to have a conversation. Seating should be ready to use - don't leave your laundry or books or whatever on it, or you'll be doing that frantic sweep-everything-into-a-heap-in-the-corner when your guests arrive.
- pretty much every seat should have somewhere nearby to put a drink down
- drinks! have a small bar stocked so you can mix drinks. have a few beers, maybe a bottle of wine you can open, or even just a bottle of vodka and a can of concentrated orange juice in the freezer that you can mix up at a moments notice. Have a tray of ice ready in the freezer. Also, a jug of cold water in the fridge, and herbal teas for those that aren't into boozin.
- make sure you have the amenities stocked, it's super awkward to be at a friend's place and discover too late that they are out of toilet paper.
- lighting - people relax better in soft lighting, have a number of smaller lamps around the room, or make sure the main light is on a dimmer.
- let people know where that glasses and stuff is, and let them refill their own drinks of they like - it will save you from running all over the place and making everyone jumpy
- if you have some snacks on hand, by all means put them out, and let people help themselves.
- music should be stuff that everyone likes and not too loud so that it's hard to talk. The tv should definitely be off - nothing sucks the energy out of a room faster than a tv.
- smile! show them you're happy to see them!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:01 AM on September 11, 2013 [33 favorites]