Having the PhD Cake and Eating the Friendsloversandeverythingelse Cake
August 29, 2013 6:58 AM   Subscribe

What do people do when they have to move for their PhD but don't want to leave their old life behind?

I realise that no-one can tell me what I should do - I suppose I'm more looking for interesting and imaginative ideas and experiences than solid advice here.

I moved back to London after a few years in various places I'd rather not have been. Life is finally, generally speaking, NICE. Now a possibility has arisen to do a PhD in the far southwestern tip of the UK. Lovely place (I've spent time living there in the past) and an interesting-looking area to study, which could lead onto some varied, possibly international work afterwards in a number of fields (though nothing's guaranteed of course).

Seems like a good path to follow, but things are NICE here damn it! For the last year they've slowly been coming together and I'm loathe to jack it all in and live hundreds of miles away - away from my friends and the hustle and bustle (and with fewer chances to make new lady friends, which is important of course).

I want to have my cake and eat it too. Plus the option of doing the degree without moving down is, well, not an option (I've asked).

So people: does anyone have any imaginative, visionary, exciting alternative ideas for living arrangement and/or lifestyles that will effectively allow me to study in Cornwall whilst simultaneously continuing to live a wonderful sociable friend-filled life in London?
posted by fishingforthewhale to Education (14 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
You can't study part-time?
posted by parmanparman at 7:13 AM on August 29, 2013


The train ride is only 4 hours. I'd just plan to return every couple of weeks. A round trip from Plymouth is about £90 round-trip.

I suspect that it's much cheaper to live in Cornwall than in London, so you might even break-even.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:17 AM on August 29, 2013 [4 favorites]


Can you put it off one or more years? I know you'd feel like you'd become more entrenched but another year of NICE would be, well, nice.
posted by dawkins_7 at 7:27 AM on August 29, 2013


Typical rent in Falmouth is about £300-350 pcm, maybe going up to 400 for somewhere really nice in a shared house or flat. if you want your own place there is not much available below £560, maybe £500 for a studio. Everything else is pretty much as in the rest of the UK cost wise. A return train journey from Falmouth-London Paddington typically costs £127 (perhaps with 4% to add to that as I haven't done it since the last price hike), though you can get it down to £100 return if you go offpeak. If you live in Truro then its a 4.5 hour journey to London. The connection to Falmouth stretches this to 5-6 hours, but your social life will likely not be as good as if you live in Falmouth. This distance to London can be a bit of a drag but can be a good way to get work done if you can get into it and don't have travel sickness problems.

You might consider the possibility that life in Cornwall can be pretty nice for a PhD student. You can treat it kind of like a normal job but with more stuff to intellectually engage with and you can go surfing/snorkelling/sailing whenever the weather gets nice, because you will typically not have a boss standing over you. There are quite a lot of other PhD students here so opportunity for mixing with like minded people.

See my memail also.
posted by biffa at 7:46 AM on August 29, 2013


Best answer: I don't think this is a good idea. If you make some sort of compromise, you are going to be compromising your life in both places. It'll be hard to make new friends in Cornwall while you are continually going elsewhere. And it's important to have friends and a support network where you are doing your PhD. For that matter, those potential new lady friends are going to be less interested in starting something up with someone who is in Cornwall most of the time.

I would look into doing a PhD in London instead.
posted by grouse at 7:48 AM on August 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


The cake will leave you anyway. Other people will move on if you stay. Of the great life I had in London between 18 and leaving to do a PhD at 24, everyone I knew had left by the time I was 27. Out to Zone 6, then away to somewhere that they could afford to have kids, or even a 3-seater sofa. It'll just happen. I still know the ones that mattered most well; we hang out when we can.

And if this is Exeter Falmouth campus (there's not much competition down there) I know a few people who moved there, and they love the life. One guy takes his kids to school by kayak in the summer, and they sea fish on the way home.
posted by cromagnon at 7:49 AM on August 29, 2013 [8 favorites]


The cake will leave you anyway.

Yes. Is it really London, geographically, that you love, or just the particular social situation you are in at this time in your life? London never moves but I guarantee you your social scene will sooner or later. Staying in one place does not keep things the same. Better to move on your own terms than wait for things to move around you, as they inevitably will.
posted by epanalepsis at 8:45 AM on August 29, 2013 [4 favorites]


One thing to think about is the series of lifestyle compromises that most (not all) Ph.D.-requiring fields will demand. Your desired path may not be academia as such, but still. I have many regrets, but dropping out of a humanities Ph.D. is not one of them.
posted by skbw at 8:53 AM on August 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


If graduate school in the UK is like graduate school in the US, you want to be committed to the idea of getting the PhD before you start---because otherwise, it's just not going to be fun. And part of the fun is socializing with other folks in your department, which you can't do if you're not there!

From what you wrote, I'm not convinced you want to do this PhD (right now). Do you? If you do, then commit to it and move to Cornwall.
posted by leahwrenn at 9:02 AM on August 29, 2013


I am a Yank with no PhD, so set your Grain of Salt-o-Meter accordingly.

I've spent the last mumble years in a university town at just the right age, so most of my closest friends have been either in your position or the reverse. That is, some were here considering Ph.D'ing elsewhere, and some came from elsewhere to Ph.D here. Lots of permutations of coming, going, staying, and coming back. Now they've all finishing it up and are breeding like rabbits. So, I may not have done any of them, but I've seen them all.

From what you've said, it sounds like the choice is either going to Cornwall and doing the degree, or not doing the degree at all. Although it's less clear-cut, it also sounds like you feel that in the long term, your prospects may be better with the degree. This is where I'm the least qualified to contribute to the discussion; in the U.S., in many fields, the Ph.D simply doesn't mean what it used to, but you know best on that.

How long will it take you to do the degree? What kind of money situation are they offering you, and what's the cost of living? Would you be giving up things like a good flat or a good salary that would be hard to get back later? In other words, is the sociable friend-filled life all you'd be giving up? Because if you're not gone that long, you may be able to pick that up again when you get back; I've seen it happen, even when new spouses are in the mix.

Also, I see that you're interested in international work. If that's living-abroad work and not taking-frequent-trips work, a couple of years away might be good practice.

Anyway, like I said, I'm no expert. But getting those letters basically means spending that portion of your life going where you need to go to get them, and if you decide you want them they have to be the priority. Wherever you go, you’ll find a whole community of people in the same boat, bonding over being in that boat together. Heck, you'll probably find a community of People Who Miss London.

If you're making a good living and feel confident that you can continue to do so, then you don't have to go. But you'll probably be fine if you do.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:49 AM on August 29, 2013


Best answer: If you make some sort of compromise, you are going to be compromising your life in both places.

This.

I study for my PhD between my new home of Nottingham and my parents' house in London (I have a Collaborative Doctoral Award, so I'm co-supervised at these two locations). I travel to London for about 3-4 days every other week to do archival work and research at my partner organisation. This arrangement works for me, but only for these reasons:

- Nottingham rents are significantly cheaper than most of the UK (I pay £300-£350 pcm living in a nice spacious flat with my partner) leaving me with money for trains.

- There is a 2 hour direct train to St Pancras, and tickets can be as cheap as £12 each way if I'm organised and book via Megatrain.

- I have my teenage bedroom to crash in for free whenever I need to.

Even so, sometimes it is mentally and physically exhausting moving around so much on top of the usual academic requirements. If you're a procrastinator (like me) then a regular schedule and 8 hours sleep are crucial to staying on track. Remember, even if you are funded, you need to save some money in case you need a fourth year to finish your thesis (and the vast majority of PhD candidates take that fourth year).

Maybe try visiting London regularly in your first year, when you are less likely to be splitting your time between research, conferences, publications and teaching. Although, again, I think your chances of a satisfying life for the next 3+ years will improve if you make a concerted effort to integrate in your new community in the southwest.
posted by dumdidumdum at 10:02 AM on August 29, 2013


I did my PhD in the smallish town where I'd already been living for a dozen years. I found my coursework and research so time-and-energy-consuming that I rarely had time to socialize with my local non-university friends. You may find the same thing. True friends will remain true friends, even if you don't see them as often as you once did.
posted by mareli at 11:07 AM on August 29, 2013


I moved to a place I didn't like much to do a Ph.D. The first year, I was in a long-distance relationship and constantly leaving town to go somewhere else. I hated my new city. When that relationship ended and I settled in, made friends, and really got to know my neighborhood and nearby areas, I ended up loving where I live.
posted by ootandaboot at 8:26 PM on August 29, 2013


Response by poster: Thanks to everyone! Some great points, ideas and stories here that I can think on.
posted by fishingforthewhale at 1:54 AM on September 2, 2013


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