How to accept failure when your best isn't good enough?
August 18, 2013 5:34 PM Subscribe
Last week was difficult for me; I am a student at a truck driving school and I failed my road test on Wednesday.
The exercise I failed was backing a 70 foot tractor trailer unit between pylons in the testing area. Although I was able to back the unit in between the pylons without issue on the first try, while I was pulling out of the pylons, my trailer wheels encroached the last pylon, and I automatically failed. I walked into the testing building with my papers crying.
Even if failing the road test is inconsequential and I redo the test on Tuesday, it is incredibly difficult for me to deal with failure, because I am a perfectionist that is recovering from self-harm. (Officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, OCD, major depression, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.) Each failure I feel is like a reflection of who I am; if I fail I must be a failure. To add to this is that all the other students at the school successfully passed their road tests the first time (we all did it the same day), and they all know that I failed my road test, which I find to be humiliating and makes me ashamed of who I am.
On Tuesday I will be redoing the test, but what if I do my best and I still fail? People have told me in the past that you can’t fail if you do your best but I beg to differ there; I have failed many times after doing my best. It’s the worst kind of failure. Nothing makes me feel more like a failure than doing my best and knowing that it isn’t good enough. I don’t feel a significant amount of satisfaction from doing my best like I am told I should, I feel satisfaction when I successfully accomplished what I intended to do, in this case obtaining the necessary license to be able to find a job and support myself.
Should I fail my road test (again) on Tuesday, how do I accept that I failed and that my best wasn’t good enough?
(I will add that I do have a therapist but she appears to be on vacation again…ugh.)
The exercise I failed was backing a 70 foot tractor trailer unit between pylons in the testing area. Although I was able to back the unit in between the pylons without issue on the first try, while I was pulling out of the pylons, my trailer wheels encroached the last pylon, and I automatically failed. I walked into the testing building with my papers crying.
Even if failing the road test is inconsequential and I redo the test on Tuesday, it is incredibly difficult for me to deal with failure, because I am a perfectionist that is recovering from self-harm. (Officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, OCD, major depression, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.) Each failure I feel is like a reflection of who I am; if I fail I must be a failure. To add to this is that all the other students at the school successfully passed their road tests the first time (we all did it the same day), and they all know that I failed my road test, which I find to be humiliating and makes me ashamed of who I am.
On Tuesday I will be redoing the test, but what if I do my best and I still fail? People have told me in the past that you can’t fail if you do your best but I beg to differ there; I have failed many times after doing my best. It’s the worst kind of failure. Nothing makes me feel more like a failure than doing my best and knowing that it isn’t good enough. I don’t feel a significant amount of satisfaction from doing my best like I am told I should, I feel satisfaction when I successfully accomplished what I intended to do, in this case obtaining the necessary license to be able to find a job and support myself.
Should I fail my road test (again) on Tuesday, how do I accept that I failed and that my best wasn’t good enough?
(I will add that I do have a therapist but she appears to be on vacation again…ugh.)
Your best IS good enough - but it may take more than one try to succeed. It may take dozens and dozens of tries. It's only failure if you stop trying.
I have a bajillion quotes about failure not really being failure. You can look up "failure quotes" and read through them. Take heart that even though you failed this one test this one time that you have still learned something and that perhaps where you may not have had compassion before for this test, you have it now and you can use that for good - you can lift up others who may fail. You've been there, done that! Take this opportunity as a growth opportunity to reach out to others who may be having difficulties.
Some of my favorite quotes about failure not really being failure but opportunities for growth:
Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing.
H. Stanley Judd
Before success comes in any man's life, he's sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That's exactly what the majority of men do.
Napoleon Hill
You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.
E. O. Wilson
A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.
B. F. Skinner
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
Denis Waitley
There is no failure except in no longer trying.
Elbert Hubbard
Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments.
Henry Ward Beecher
posted by Sassyfras at 5:52 PM on August 18, 2013 [9 favorites]
I have a bajillion quotes about failure not really being failure. You can look up "failure quotes" and read through them. Take heart that even though you failed this one test this one time that you have still learned something and that perhaps where you may not have had compassion before for this test, you have it now and you can use that for good - you can lift up others who may fail. You've been there, done that! Take this opportunity as a growth opportunity to reach out to others who may be having difficulties.
Some of my favorite quotes about failure not really being failure but opportunities for growth:
Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing.
H. Stanley Judd
Before success comes in any man's life, he's sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That's exactly what the majority of men do.
Napoleon Hill
You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.
E. O. Wilson
A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.
B. F. Skinner
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
Denis Waitley
There is no failure except in no longer trying.
Elbert Hubbard
Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments.
Henry Ward Beecher
posted by Sassyfras at 5:52 PM on August 18, 2013 [9 favorites]
Here's a couple more:
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Michael Jordan
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:00 PM on August 18, 2013 [9 favorites]
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Michael Jordan
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:00 PM on August 18, 2013 [9 favorites]
It's only failure if you give up. That's what you need to focus on. You haven't failed, you just haven't passed yet.
Or as the much more succinct saying goes "Fall down seven times, get up eight".
posted by wwax at 6:10 PM on August 18, 2013
Or as the much more succinct saying goes "Fall down seven times, get up eight".
posted by wwax at 6:10 PM on August 18, 2013
If you are a perfectionist then you can be grateful for your failures - they show you where you can further your quest for excellence. This is how you learn.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:13 PM on August 18, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:13 PM on August 18, 2013 [3 favorites]
I was valedictorian of my high school and I failed my driving test three times before passing. Three times! I got a lot of shit about this, as I'm sure you can imagine. But now, twenty years later, it doesn't matter. I'm a good, safe driver.
So: the main issue here is not that you messed up. It's how hard you're being on yourself. Driving a 70-foot tractor trailer is hard! Good for you for trying! Now keep on with it, until you pass that test.
posted by something something at 6:19 PM on August 18, 2013 [4 favorites]
So: the main issue here is not that you messed up. It's how hard you're being on yourself. Driving a 70-foot tractor trailer is hard! Good for you for trying! Now keep on with it, until you pass that test.
posted by something something at 6:19 PM on August 18, 2013 [4 favorites]
Read Outliers. It is my most recent favorite book. Modulo the concern that Malcolm Gladwell doesn't have a lot of knowledge in the fields he writes about, it makes the salient point that accomplishment only comes from intense focus on refining your skills.
I failed 8th grade algebra and got bumped down to pre-algebra. The only thing that helped me become a good math student was to focus on doing lots and lots of math problems until math became embedded in my brain. I became a fantastic math student. But even then, in college, I would drop a math class when the material didn't "take", but when I retook it the next semester, the concepts would be clear because I had gone over them enough for my brain to absorb and understand the concepts. By contrast, I did rather poorly in chemistry, and for the rest of my academic career said, "I am not good at chemistry and don't want to study it anymore." Avoiding chemistry rather than confronting my problems with this was one of my great academic regrets.
Sometimes your best will not be good enough and you will fail. And you just have to do it again until you're "good enough," even if you're not the best at it.
My concern with you is that you are such a perfectionist that as a defense mechanism you will not be self-critical enough to go over your mistakes and resolve them for next time without catastrophizing. You have to face your failures, accept that they exist, and work on them.
posted by deanc at 6:25 PM on August 18, 2013 [5 favorites]
I failed 8th grade algebra and got bumped down to pre-algebra. The only thing that helped me become a good math student was to focus on doing lots and lots of math problems until math became embedded in my brain. I became a fantastic math student. But even then, in college, I would drop a math class when the material didn't "take", but when I retook it the next semester, the concepts would be clear because I had gone over them enough for my brain to absorb and understand the concepts. By contrast, I did rather poorly in chemistry, and for the rest of my academic career said, "I am not good at chemistry and don't want to study it anymore." Avoiding chemistry rather than confronting my problems with this was one of my great academic regrets.
Sometimes your best will not be good enough and you will fail. And you just have to do it again until you're "good enough," even if you're not the best at it.
My concern with you is that you are such a perfectionist that as a defense mechanism you will not be self-critical enough to go over your mistakes and resolve them for next time without catastrophizing. You have to face your failures, accept that they exist, and work on them.
posted by deanc at 6:25 PM on August 18, 2013 [5 favorites]
I don’t feel a significant amount of satisfaction from doing my best like I am told I should, I feel satisfaction when I successfully accomplished what I intended to do
Personally, I think that makes you a better person.
You say you feel humiliated and ashamed, having those other students aware that you didn't pass. Among those other students, some of them are the sort that if they had made this mistake would lack the bravery, the gumption, the spirit to get up and do it again. Students who would drop out of the school, figuring "well, that was my best", and go home feeling "satisfied" that oh well, they were only willing to try once but that's enough for them.
You're likely to pass the second time on the test, you're more familiar with the pressure of the test now, but even if you don't you've improved your will to keep trying until you get it right, and that's a valuable thing. Sometimes people say things like "don't try, do", but it can be a way to talk yourself out of doing a lot of things -- if you only attempt what you know cannot fail, you're either living a very limited or very deluded life.
posted by yohko at 6:29 PM on August 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Personally, I think that makes you a better person.
You say you feel humiliated and ashamed, having those other students aware that you didn't pass. Among those other students, some of them are the sort that if they had made this mistake would lack the bravery, the gumption, the spirit to get up and do it again. Students who would drop out of the school, figuring "well, that was my best", and go home feeling "satisfied" that oh well, they were only willing to try once but that's enough for them.
You're likely to pass the second time on the test, you're more familiar with the pressure of the test now, but even if you don't you've improved your will to keep trying until you get it right, and that's a valuable thing. Sometimes people say things like "don't try, do", but it can be a way to talk yourself out of doing a lot of things -- if you only attempt what you know cannot fail, you're either living a very limited or very deluded life.
posted by yohko at 6:29 PM on August 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Of course you feel stupid now. Who wouldn't?
But hey, I had a whopping driving phobia and one dramatic accident. I didn't get a driver's license until age 32. I had a ton of permits and flunked one road test automatically before passing. This weekend I finally got my first car and drove in and out of SF and back home and lived! And that's not even as hard as truck driving! Some shit is just harder to learn right off. Give it time!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:51 PM on August 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
But hey, I had a whopping driving phobia and one dramatic accident. I didn't get a driver's license until age 32. I had a ton of permits and flunked one road test automatically before passing. This weekend I finally got my first car and drove in and out of SF and back home and lived! And that's not even as hard as truck driving! Some shit is just harder to learn right off. Give it time!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:51 PM on August 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
Hillary Rettig posted a good half hour video on "Overcoming Procrastination and Perfectionism" and also some exercises from her book.
posted by Sophont at 7:17 PM on August 18, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Sophont at 7:17 PM on August 18, 2013 [5 favorites]
Hi. I have three things for you.
1. I have an OCD-like perfectionist streak as well. Don't worry about the perception of others in your class, i failed my first motorcycle class in front of my friends. I was mortified and i determined that i would be better than them, regardless of how long it took. I practiced, practiced, practice, passed.
I'm the only one of my friends that hasn't dropped their bike on the road. Nuff said.
2. Ask your instructor to set up extra time for you to practice relentlessly.
3. I deal with truck drivers constantly in my management retail job. My store is the one drivers dread to park in, super narrow dock, 2 way street in the city. We don't care what happens on the road. We care what happens when you show up. If you think you shame yourself in front of a group of people you won't ever meet again, imagine if it happens professionally.
You're a perfectionist, you will one day be perfect.
Practice, Practice, Prove Them Wrong
posted by hiddenknives at 11:00 PM on August 18, 2013
1. I have an OCD-like perfectionist streak as well. Don't worry about the perception of others in your class, i failed my first motorcycle class in front of my friends. I was mortified and i determined that i would be better than them, regardless of how long it took. I practiced, practiced, practice, passed.
I'm the only one of my friends that hasn't dropped their bike on the road. Nuff said.
2. Ask your instructor to set up extra time for you to practice relentlessly.
3. I deal with truck drivers constantly in my management retail job. My store is the one drivers dread to park in, super narrow dock, 2 way street in the city. We don't care what happens on the road. We care what happens when you show up. If you think you shame yourself in front of a group of people you won't ever meet again, imagine if it happens professionally.
You're a perfectionist, you will one day be perfect.
Practice, Practice, Prove Them Wrong
posted by hiddenknives at 11:00 PM on August 18, 2013
Matthew Syed, a champion British table tennis player, covers a lot of the themes around "practice makes perfect" in his book Bounce.
His point - that beneath the common narrative that innate talent separates champions from also rans, in fact it is how much they practice and the coaching they receive.
People have different learning journeys and learning styles. Passing the test isn't the end of your learning any more than failing it signals you can't do the task in hand.
Another great book on this topic is Being Wrong, by Kathryn Schulz. It is a deep look at why we make mistakes and why we need to remove the moral dimension from that and accept that mistakes are part of the human condition, indeed a necessary part of the human condition.
In your case, your perfectionism makes 'failure' hard to accept. Nobody likes 'failing' though, perfectionist or not. You're not taking the once in a lifetime shot for the trophy. The consequences of having to retake your test are small and ultimately fairly trivial other than the mental barriers you yourself put up.
You're learning something difficult and technical and where you have every chance to take what you get wrong, adapt and improve. More to the point, when you pass your test you will gain a new set of objectives because you'll quickly realise that passing the test is only the first step in becoming a better driver. As such, there will be points in that ongoing learning process that are hard and others which will be easier.
Rudyard Kipling nailed it more than a century ago:
His point - that beneath the common narrative that innate talent separates champions from also rans, in fact it is how much they practice and the coaching they receive.
People have different learning journeys and learning styles. Passing the test isn't the end of your learning any more than failing it signals you can't do the task in hand.
Another great book on this topic is Being Wrong, by Kathryn Schulz. It is a deep look at why we make mistakes and why we need to remove the moral dimension from that and accept that mistakes are part of the human condition, indeed a necessary part of the human condition.
In your case, your perfectionism makes 'failure' hard to accept. Nobody likes 'failing' though, perfectionist or not. You're not taking the once in a lifetime shot for the trophy. The consequences of having to retake your test are small and ultimately fairly trivial other than the mental barriers you yourself put up.
You're learning something difficult and technical and where you have every chance to take what you get wrong, adapt and improve. More to the point, when you pass your test you will gain a new set of objectives because you'll quickly realise that passing the test is only the first step in becoming a better driver. As such, there will be points in that ongoing learning process that are hard and others which will be easier.
Rudyard Kipling nailed it more than a century ago:
"If you can meet with Triumph and Disasterposted by MuffinMan at 2:55 AM on August 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
And treat those two impostors just the same; [....]
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"
In this case, is your desire for perfection realistic? How many people pass this portion of the road test on their first go? Anyone? If they do, have they been training for a long time, or driving large vehicles previously? With tests like this, it seems that a significant number of people would be in your situation, as maneuvering a 70 foot tractor trailer is not a skill most people come by naturally, nor is it something that has a lot of relation to other activities. I could see someone who was a professional mover or someone else who drove a large truck would have more experience, but the jointed nature of the tractor trailers is fairly unique, and I imagine would take a good deal of training to master.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:32 AM on August 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by filthy light thief at 9:32 AM on August 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
How to accept failure when your best isn't good enough?
You look hard and closely at how you define "accept", "failure", "your best" and "good enough".
These words are like many others, more commonly, love and commitment. They are used by all and yet the definitions are different for each person. When you define success and failure as black and white then ironically, you are setting yourself up for "failure". Because, you have given up prematurely. Failure, to me, does not mean that you were unable to accomplish something. It means that you give up on even trying.
So, you failed a test. You think you are a failure. Is there any other way to look at this? Maybe. It could be an opportunity to do what many of us don't enjoy- pick ourselves up when we are down. But at the end of it what do you learn? You learn to pick yourself up. Next time you "fail" the test, you do what? You pick yourself up and do it again. Yup. You do it over and over and over and over again till one day, you pass the test. That is not "failure", that's called persistence. And you know why persistence is more important than passing any test the first time round? This is why:
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
If you like to watch sports, I suggest you pick one and watch games regularly. Personally, I have really enjoyed Spirit of the Marathon and Lolo. Forget about hurdles, I am not even a runner. But I have watched at least the former more than maybe twenty times easily. The reason I LOVE them is because nobody in there ever gives up. They don't always care if they are winning. Its about what success means to you, at the end of it. You will find endless examples in sports, and also in other areas of life. You think this dude had it easy? By your definition, he must be a royal loser. Is he, really?
..and they all know that I failed my road test, which I find to be humiliating and makes me ashamed of who I am.
You could feel humiliated or you can just pick yourself up and go about your business because the goals you set for yourself are more important to you. They may have passed the test on the first go but you have had the opportunity to learn an invaluable lesson. In the long term, some of these people may never learn how to get themselves out of a spot, and you know what, its very painful to watch when later on adversity hits, because it will hit, everyone, without fail.
On Tuesday I will be redoing the test, but what if I do my best and I still fail?
You pick yourself up and take it again. And again, and again, till one day you pass the test.
People have told me in the past that you can’t fail if you do your best but I beg to differ there; I have failed many times after doing my best. It’s the worst kind of failure.
Nothing makes me feel more like a failure than doing my best and knowing that it isn’t good enough. I don’t feel a significant amount of satisfaction from doing my best like I am told I should, I feel satisfaction when I successfully accomplished what I intended to do, in this case obtaining the necessary license to be able to find a job and support myself.
Just because you didn't attain a goal does not mean you did not do your best. And just because you did your best it does not mean the result has to be achieving the goal. Your "best" will also vary from time to time. When others say its more important to know that you did your best, they are likely suggesting that its more important that you've put in all the effort you could. The focus is not attaining the goal. It may sound counter-intuitive but given your current outlook, this is precisely what you need to focus on. Its like one of those things when people say you are trying too hard. Whether that is to win a girl or impress someone or whatever, you try too hard and that's an overkill.
Should I fail my road test (again) on Tuesday, how do I accept that I failed and that my best wasn’t good enough?
You accept it by changing your definitions and your outlook, and changing your attitude toward "success" and "failure".
And you seriously had the time to read through this ridiculously long answer? Shouldn't you be out there practicing for your test already instead of moping on Metafilter?
posted by xm at 8:17 PM on August 20, 2013
You look hard and closely at how you define "accept", "failure", "your best" and "good enough".
These words are like many others, more commonly, love and commitment. They are used by all and yet the definitions are different for each person. When you define success and failure as black and white then ironically, you are setting yourself up for "failure". Because, you have given up prematurely. Failure, to me, does not mean that you were unable to accomplish something. It means that you give up on even trying.
So, you failed a test. You think you are a failure. Is there any other way to look at this? Maybe. It could be an opportunity to do what many of us don't enjoy- pick ourselves up when we are down. But at the end of it what do you learn? You learn to pick yourself up. Next time you "fail" the test, you do what? You pick yourself up and do it again. Yup. You do it over and over and over and over again till one day, you pass the test. That is not "failure", that's called persistence. And you know why persistence is more important than passing any test the first time round? This is why:
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
If you like to watch sports, I suggest you pick one and watch games regularly. Personally, I have really enjoyed Spirit of the Marathon and Lolo. Forget about hurdles, I am not even a runner. But I have watched at least the former more than maybe twenty times easily. The reason I LOVE them is because nobody in there ever gives up. They don't always care if they are winning. Its about what success means to you, at the end of it. You will find endless examples in sports, and also in other areas of life. You think this dude had it easy? By your definition, he must be a royal loser. Is he, really?
..and they all know that I failed my road test, which I find to be humiliating and makes me ashamed of who I am.
You could feel humiliated or you can just pick yourself up and go about your business because the goals you set for yourself are more important to you. They may have passed the test on the first go but you have had the opportunity to learn an invaluable lesson. In the long term, some of these people may never learn how to get themselves out of a spot, and you know what, its very painful to watch when later on adversity hits, because it will hit, everyone, without fail.
On Tuesday I will be redoing the test, but what if I do my best and I still fail?
You pick yourself up and take it again. And again, and again, till one day you pass the test.
People have told me in the past that you can’t fail if you do your best but I beg to differ there; I have failed many times after doing my best. It’s the worst kind of failure.
Nothing makes me feel more like a failure than doing my best and knowing that it isn’t good enough. I don’t feel a significant amount of satisfaction from doing my best like I am told I should, I feel satisfaction when I successfully accomplished what I intended to do, in this case obtaining the necessary license to be able to find a job and support myself.
Just because you didn't attain a goal does not mean you did not do your best. And just because you did your best it does not mean the result has to be achieving the goal. Your "best" will also vary from time to time. When others say its more important to know that you did your best, they are likely suggesting that its more important that you've put in all the effort you could. The focus is not attaining the goal. It may sound counter-intuitive but given your current outlook, this is precisely what you need to focus on. Its like one of those things when people say you are trying too hard. Whether that is to win a girl or impress someone or whatever, you try too hard and that's an overkill.
Should I fail my road test (again) on Tuesday, how do I accept that I failed and that my best wasn’t good enough?
You accept it by changing your definitions and your outlook, and changing your attitude toward "success" and "failure".
And you seriously had the time to read through this ridiculously long answer? Shouldn't you be out there practicing for your test already instead of moping on Metafilter?
posted by xm at 8:17 PM on August 20, 2013
I forgot to mention one tiny point: You think you "failed" this test? Do you know how may people can back a 70 foot tractor trailer unit? You are probably the first one I have come across in my thirty some years so I think its a bit uncommon. I have also come across only one other astronaut. Only one other oral surgeon. Just to give some perspective.
posted by xm at 8:22 PM on August 20, 2013
posted by xm at 8:22 PM on August 20, 2013
If you haven't already, I'd urge you to go back to your last post and re-read some of the great advice and support you received there. I am especially fond of gingerest's post about the trap of external validation.
I wonder who told you that you can't fail if you do your best. Of course you can fail. People attempt stuff and fail all the time even when they've been trying their hardest. Sometimes it's even for no good reason that they can even control. Someone has told you an unrealistic thing.
posted by raena at 7:15 AM on August 21, 2013
I wonder who told you that you can't fail if you do your best. Of course you can fail. People attempt stuff and fail all the time even when they've been trying their hardest. Sometimes it's even for no good reason that they can even control. Someone has told you an unrealistic thing.
posted by raena at 7:15 AM on August 21, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
Making a mistake and being a mistake are very, very different things. You are not a mistake.
Somehow (I'm going to bet on the PTSD being related) your brain has been taught that they are the same. Your brain is repeating this to you on a tape that is really convincing.
You can train your brain to stop these tapes. Please ask your therapist(s) about this. Print this question and say "I need to find healthy ways to make this stop."
posted by bilabial at 5:52 PM on August 18, 2013 [5 favorites]